Allah is Cantik.

that's why, everything natural is cantik. that's why, it's okay for us to try and be cantik (following the right rules and regulations, of course) that's why, we are always attracted to anything cantik.

when it's naturally cantik, even the most typical-and-not-DSLR-type camera can capture it.

when our HATI is truly cantik deep inside, it shows inside-out, that even everybody around will be able to see it.

ya Allah, i wish i have that kind of heart.
a cantik one. 

one that can make my family feels it.
one that can make everybody around me feels it.
one that can chase anything mazmumah away.
one that can make everyone around me calm.
most importantly, one that You like most.

ya Allah, kurniakanlah aku hati yang cantik.
secantik alam ciptaan-Mu.
ameen. ameen. ya Rabb.  (",)

inallah jamil, wa yuhibbu jamal
"Sesungguhnya Allah itu cantik,
dan sukakan kecantikan."

 pictures captured in Glandelough, Dublin.
during PUISI 2010
using a small 10megapixel camera.hehe


snow: a reminder?

the heavy snow all across europe. it's been a major topic lately, *er, since i've just finished exam, and i'm not much of a person who updates herself with the local or international news, thus my alibi in the statement would be through the never ending stream of facebook status about snow*

some is enjoying it.
some is appreciating the beauty.
some is worried hell. 
some is worried of others.
some, sadly, even curse and hates it.

all for different reasons.

i won't talk much about those who curses and hates it, for i think they already know cursing it doesn't make the situation any better, nor put them in any better place in His Eyes. nor those who hates it and despises it publicly. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. we used to be so amazed and happy when we first encounter it last year ain't it? but it seems like we have forgotten now from Whom all the flakes came from. Allah SWT. be it beautifully, be it heavily. it all comes from Him. and so, who are we to hate His Creation in the first place? 

how bad it may seem, it's not the situation that we should be reflecting on, but ourselves. 

and as we are worrying about our flights or our friends' flights, our journeys, our money, our plans; well, DO think about how to face all that, but do think MORE about what He's planning for us.

is He trying to make us more sabar? is He just putting us in dire need and a helpless situation, so that we'll be praying to Him constantly, to make everything okay for us; instead of happily boarding the plane, focusing on just having the time of our lives with our vacations, and forgetting Him? 

tickets not refunded? are we really losing money, or is it just Him saving us from a whole worse situation? we might have lost triple the amount if we went to... let say, France, due to pick-pockets. why? just because He Heard our prayers the other day, "ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku."

buying new tickets? why blame the snow? it might be that the money lost is to compensate all the amanah that we have neglected in our studies. all the time we spent doing the not-so-right stuff, but using our scholarships instead. 

there are so many reasons. some we can think of, but most are those that we can't even comprehend and we don't realize. we kept on focusing on the downturn of lives, that we kept forgetting how detailed Allah plans are, to Help us. 

watching all those worried status about their own up-coming journeys, or friends' journeys and so on, makes me realize how big of a rahmat these all are. that Allah is giving a huge chance for everybody, to start off their journey with pergantungan kepada Allah. to start off their journey with tawakkal. to start off their journey with so many prayers. think back. how many times did u say, "ya Allah"? did you perform solat sunat hajat before the journey? have your friends soothes you by praying for you all the while? 

so much rahmat. so much blessings. it's just us being too blind to see clearly. we have always been one to watch the surfaces, it's time to dig deeper before we type words like "si*l, b****h" and any of those curses to Allah's creations. 

because each and every one of our words is taken into account. and who ARE we to say all those stuff? we're all just part of the creations. only better, depending on our actions though.


to friends, have a great holiday. may this winter holiday be one that helps us with our 
IMAN & TAQWA towards Him.

happy snowy holiday everyone!
the one who loves snow unconditionally.



despite the never ending studying, the never-enough-sleep, the over-consumption of caffein, the agony of realizing the 3 chapters you read had only 1 question in the paper; there are still a lot of things that i love about exams. :)

here's my semester 1 exam for the second year. will miss it much! :)

we got to pray in the middle of the whole crowd.
*they must've think we were really scared of exams sampai 'sembah' exam hall* lol

the exam clock

 the crowds before the exam starts

studying studying

 err..last minute studying?

think it was my first paper 

and exams are where friends get together
supporting one another
and building a stronger ukhwah fillah

and a whole lot more gained.
praying the past exams for us had been nothing more than help us strengthen our


life is FAKE.

picture by sha-x-Dow from deviantart

caution: today's entry will be filled with created terms that might not be comprehended, or lead to misinterpretations. it's just me looking at life from my point of view. i apologize beforehand. wallahua'lam.

you're a fake.
life is fake. 
living life is a fake.

stop lying and pretending, and think deep. it's fake isn't it? all is bound to end isn't it?

you get married. you can be happy and blissful. but it'll end. be it with divorce. be it with death. you go to parties, have fun like hell, and you went back home, all alone in your room. you eat out with friends, chatted happily, and it eventually ends. you spend 2 years with a great group of friends, promising one another we'll be there for one another no matter what. 15 years later, are you still there for them? 

life is fake. it's full of beautiful promises made by us, 
only to be unkept. 

you can study so hard and get a PhD, and then you go teach somewhere and become a world-known doctor or something, but you'll still end up dying. then what's the happiness all about? 10 years of happiness maximum, and that's it? you just end up dying.

there's two types of fakeness. haram fakeness. halal fakeness.

having a relationship. that's haram fakeness. you think you're happy. having the other half. crying on their shoulders. them buying you presents. dating. taking cool DSLR pictures of one another and people will go "awww...you both are so sweet la.." but it'll end sooner or later. you broke up. "no worries, i cherish all the memories of the 2 weeks / 5 months / 7 years together." riiiight...

but sometimes you end up with marriage. alhamdulillah. the halal fakeness. but still fake? why? go back to paragraph one. you're happy what not, but it's bound to end. with death ultimately.

so that's it? life is fake?

Here? yes. it's fake. 
There? a big No. 
(note: im referring to akhirat; for those who might have been a tiiiny bit confused with my ramblings today) 

there. the HereAfter. that's the real one. the real life. cuz it won't end. and living just for the sake of the Real Life, will help us with the fakeness of this life that we're currently living in.


because everything we do Here, will decide how our Real Life should be and will be later on.

let's use back our examples. getting married? just for the happiness and bliss? that's fake. but getting married to be thankful for the happiness and bliss given from Allah. that's Real. to help your other half in being a good abid (hamba) to Allah?  that's real. to have zuriat which will continue to be abid of Allah? that's real.

when the reasons are right, the life becomes real.

studying? just for a roll of paper stating - Masters? PhD? "i feel the sense of fulfillment when i gain knowledge." riiight...well, that's fake. but seeking ilmu because it makes us realize how small we are? that's real. seeking ilmu to help us truly feel how great Allah's creations are? that's real. seeking ilmu because every single effort and steps we take help us remember Allah? that's real. seeking ilmu to share with others for the benefit of everyone, because Allah said so? that's real.

again, when the reasons are right, the life becomes real.

so let's stop being a fake shall we? and start to live life real. for the Real Life after this one. note: i dont know why the words "fake" kept creeping up in my brain when i was ushaing facebook. (wasteful things i shouldnt do) but sometimes, bad things can be good for you. it helps you reflect.

we need to remove the fakeness, and search for the real one buried within it. and so, i need your help. we all need help. from others around us (family, friends, society) and from Him ultimately. to remind us over and over again. because at times, i still find myself buried deep in this fakeness. i dont wanna be a fake. pray for me. pray for us.

and here's a very straight-forward reminder from Him that summarizes all:

"dan kehidupan dunia ini, hanyalah permainan dan senda gurau.
Sedangkan negeri akhirat itu, sungguh lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa.
Tidakkah kamu mengerti?"



run akhi, run.

picture by: crirox on deviantart

i was thinking of writing something else for the day, but the news that i have been carefully dreading comes. We have lost a true fighter, akhi Mas Afzal.

just 2 days ago, i carefully peeked his facebook. scared of some words that we are all expecting of, not just for him, but for us too. remembered whenever he didn't write for a few weeks or so, it scared me. abah asked quite a few times about him everytime he called. funny how it seems like akhi is a long-lost family friend or something. as if he's part of the family.

but he is. a part of our big family. a part of Islam.

the first time i read his blog was earlier this year. i wrote it down in an entry once. he had touched my heart, and i believe, so many more others out there. despite not knowing him at all on a personal level, it was enough to know him as a fighter; a fighter for his life, and most importantly, a fighter for Islam; through his writings.

some would say, he had lost his fight with cancer. but i'd say he had won it. by going through it with the best possible ways. one of it would definitely be his blog. subhanallah. a huge coincidence, he started writing the blog on 17.12.2008, and he went back exactly 2 years later, 17.12.2010.

two years filled with inspirations. weird how easily the stream of tears come for a person who i haven't met or talked to even once in my life. but the tears are the proof, for how much he had touched the heart. insyaAllah.

takziah untuk family & sahabat-sahabat akhi. everytime i repeat this words, my heart aches. quoted from saifulislam.

"berlarilah akhi Mas, ke Temanmu yang Maha Tinggi'

insyaAllah. he is running towards Him. insyaAllah. im praying very much that he is, and he will be at his rightful place. insyaAllah. the place Allah had Promised and Reminded us of over and over again.

InsyaAllah. InsyaAllah. InsyaAllah.

akhi Mas Afzal did everything he could during his Time. and it has ended. thus, he went back to Him with so many prayers from so many people out there.

w hat about us..? 
what about us..?
what about us..?




sujud syukur. decided to do that today. just got back from another exam. so i thought i should convey it. despite knowing ever so clearly that i won't be getting a 100 marks or anything, i was still able to answer the paper kan. *well, at least i think i did*

but a question popped in my head. nak buat sujud syukur sebab tu je? what about the fact that i got to the exam on time, eventhough the actual bus that we waited for didn't come at all? am i not thankful for that? 

what about in the exam? i was able to hold to the pencil, i don't even have to think much about doing it, all i focused on was just answering the questions. but for some, even holding a pencil is a problem itself. let alone the exam.

and how about when i got back? instead of having to walk, i was able to get a bus instead. and happily chatted all the way back.

and as i got back, i managed to ate all the yummy food. it's always there on the table. lapar sikit, there's a whole bunch of food awaiting. TESCO pun depan rumah je. and there's no need to que this long.

what about the sight? the taste? the ability to breath? am i not thankful for these? that i only decided to perform sujud syukur, just because of one endocrine paper? astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.

i guess this is what they call nikmat yang tak terhingga dari Dia. tak terhingga, to the extent you even forget about them. tak terhingga, that even if someone said we should be thankful for the air we breathe, we scoffed it off, saying "alim nye.relax-relax sudey.."

and alhamdulillah coincidently, when this was still bugging me; i read the Quran, and somehow decided to read the translation of a verse ( i was intrigued to stop mid-way in my recital, because the verse mentioned 'Hud hud' which was a name of a sister's house in Leeds), but i mistakenly ended up reading the verse before it:

"... Dan dia (Nabi Sulaiman) berdoa "Ya Tuhan-ku, anugerahkanlah aku ilham untuk tetap mensyukuri nikmat-Mu, yang telah Engkau Anugerahkan kepadaku dan kepada kedua orang tuaku dan agar aku mengerjakan kebajikan yang Engkau Redhai; dan masukkanlah aku dengan Rahmat-Mu ke dalam golongan hamba-hambaMu yang soleh."


this verse made me realize how weak we humans are. even to be thankful TO Him, we need the ilham a.k.a strength FROM Him. Nabi Sulaiman himself prayed for it. but us? too cocky to even think about all the nikmat. too cocky to even pray that He makes us one of those who are thankful all the time.

im writing all these, because im scared. that in a minute or two, this feeling will just pass me by. i might not appreciate the air that i'm breathing, as much as i am now. despite still knowing that 30 seconds without it already leave me all helpless, hopeless, and out of breath. 

for now. syukur is what i feel.
at least He Gave me a chance to think about this.
and i hope everybody will get the chance too. 



as we are all striving to study for exams (note: specifically those in UCD, TCD and Galway) or doing anything that we are doing for that matter, how about we strive harder for our amal too shall we?

im pretty sure eeeevryone (note the pronounciation) knows how special Muharram is. and im veeeery sure that everyone is making the best out of this special month that Allah gave us; be it puasa, be it extra Quran recitals, be it more solat sunat. anything that we can think of. and so i thought of putting up a very cute picture of a too-adorable-looking-hungry-bunny with a quick reminder of the 2 super duper special days this month :)

i'm quoting all these from a book. insyaAllah no wrong infos there. but if there are, then do let me know. =,='

Hari Tasu'a' (9 Muharram)
Hari Asyura (10 Muharram)

"Jika aku masih hidup sehingga tahun depan, 
aku akan berpuasa pada hari ke-9 (Muharram)
[riwayat Muslim dari Ibnu Abbas]

ketika ditanya Abu Qatadah mengenai puasa hari Asyura,
Rasulullah SAW menjawab;

""Akan digantikan kejahatan-kejahatan pada tahun sebelumnya,
dengan kebaikan (kerana amalan puasa itu)"
[riwayat Muslim dari Abu Qatadah]

-quoting from the book too, disunatkan untuk solat sunat 4 rakaat on Hari Asyura-

well, praying that our focus on exams doesn't deter us from focusing on our iman & amal. so people; 

YOSH  kite puasa!

i blame the hormones..?

image by: katandpaste

i think this is the right kind of doa.
leave it to Him,
to give us the right person, 
at the right time, 
with the best reason.
cuz He Knows better,
and we just dont know that much. 

ps: dedication to a friend out there. don't be sad. have your hopes high in Him instead. :)



i still think it's funny (tade kelakar gelak) that pergantungan terhadap Allah increased tremendously when we are in desperate circumstances. the one closest to us all is none other than; exams. the fact is, the feeling of being desperate should come on a second-by-second basis. in other words, constantly and continously. 

we should be more desperate for Him to be by our side, and Forgive us, because of all the sins we have committed, those that we are aware of, and more scarily, those  that we are not aware of. we should be desperately asking Him for His Blessings, because we are scared of not knowing when our Time will come. and if it comes, will we end it with iman filled in our hearts? or sins that can never be undone?


but we are more scared and desperate, when we want things here, for Dunya. we desperately raise our hands and pray, because we are scared of the exams. because we are scared of not finishing our assignments on time. we are scared of missing our flights for vacations. no, it's not wrong to have those scary feelings in those circumstances. it's just that, i kept thinking of how good it would be, to have the same feeling, for the right things.

being desperate to have Him by our side, because we are scared for the sins we commit. scared of our own keikhlasan. scared of being riak, ujub, takabbur. scared of not performing our prayers correctly eventhough umur dah 21. scared of not fulfilling our amanah. scared of not fulfilling our responsibilities. 

nevertheless, exams are one of the times that i think is a form of a gift from Allah. it's a chance for us to be closer to Him. cuz the feelings we have before and during exams, are so desperate and full of uncertainty, that we end up asking for Him constantly. you know during exams, you'll get all sorts of hadiths and verses from the Quran, from your friends, it just shows that we all go back to our fitrah kan? when we are in dire need, and everything we do seems hopeless (the studying what-not). and Every single one of us, will end up saying: 

Ya Allah, i need You. more than ever.

tapi Allah yang sangat best ni, already have His Answers written almost everywhere. and this is one of the oh-sooo-many of His Answers that i like to listen to and read over and over and over over over over again..hehe

“Dan Apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu (Muhammad) tentang Aku, maka katakanlah sesungguhnya Aku dekat. Aku mengabulkan doa orang yang memohon apabila ia memohon kepadaKu. Maka hendaklah mereka memenuhi (panggilan/perintah)Ku, dan beriman kepadaKu agar mereka mendapat petunjuk (bimbingan)”.  
[2: 186]
how lucky we are.
ya Rabb

lots of love,
your hamba yang selalu hampeh. 


snow white

not me, definitely. hehe :)

this year it was snowing like crazy.
rasa sangat happy.
despite trying hard to not be 'losers' kononnya,
but still end up playing like crazy.hehe

the first few days of snow, it felt like i was in a movie.
you know, the hot cup of coffee (yes.im a junkie) in your hand, 
staring out the window,
watching the snow falls. *subhanallah cantik*

i enjoyed the days to the fullest.
took pictures around UCD.
had snowball fights with the irish.
buat snowman with pika despite having exams the next day.

a good snowy-period.
not that it has ended.
the ground is still white.
current temperature: -3. haih.
but cant enjoy as much, finals is in 3 days.
*pray for me.huhu*

to kakak specifically,
and anyone who willingly dropped by here..huhu
here are some pictures of snow 2010.

not to forget,
Allah turunkan snow yang putih, bersih, cantik.
let us pray that our hearts pun putih, bersih, cantik. kan kan?
it's not easy.
but the effort counts.
cuz He is always Watching.


obviously i miss them

*pictures at airport. before balik dublin for my 2nd year
mase ni demam panas moksya T,T.wuwu..*

sat by the window again today. and watch the snow falling. wishing that everybody is here with me. and we'll be enjoying the view together. and remind ourselves of how beautiful Allah's creations are. :)

just got off the phone with abah mama. Thursday night, so sekarang kat rumah che. weekly tahlil at Pasir Mas. Aunty buat nasi kerabu. nyom2. 

aiyooh..i miss them
i miss my huggable and lovable Abah.
i miss my perfect motherly Mama.
i miss my Kakak who always pushed me.
i miss my protective Abe.
and i miss my innocent baby Lin.

family is one of the best nikmat Allah gave me. alhamdulillah is all i can say if i remind myself about this. i know that not everybody feels like they have a perfect family back home. but it's not a reason for you to not be thankful. for He has given a whole lot more that we always take for granted. 

but for those who does think so, do your best to devote yourself to Him. prove to Him that you really are thankful for this gift. kalau happy for having a perfect family, and still ends up clubbing what not. it's as if you're challenging Him. nak Allah ambik balik terus ke nikmat tu? huhu..nauzubillah.

praying that Allah is willing to let me borrow this nikmat a whole lot longer.
and praying that Allah will let me meet them all again in Jannah.


random thoughts

terfikir tadi. how do we know if we're doing the wrong things?

im not saying about dosa pahala here. just benda betul. benda salah. sometimes the wrong things you do just don't affect others, and you couldn't care less if it affects you or not, thus comes the typical conclusion we make when we want to disregard our own conscience: "tak berdosa pun."

some said, if you cant say bismillah with what you're doing, then it's not right.  

but, some people may take the simple way out, saying "even doing the right things pun tak sebut bismillah, how can you say bismillah when you're doing the not-quite-right things?" entahla. 

i questioned myself. how DO i actually know? sometimes, i just call abah mama. would i tell them if im doing the wrong things? mesti tak. malu kan? 

*sigh* ni belum lagi dengan Allah. The One who sees everything we do, and knows everything we think of.

friends, it's time to take His Words seriously. if life is just about planning for your summer holidays, buying new clothes, studying and scoring for exams, tweeting and skyping, shopping at Tesco etc. Do we think praying 5 times per day, the occasional Quran recital, the few religious articles or videos we watch will help us in this race against time?

"bergantung kepada niat masing-masing." niat apa?

"saya tak cukup ilmu." then go find it.

"saya tak cukup masa." then stop watching the dramas.

"saya tak cukup baik." then does sitting in your room helps?

"hidup saya, suka hati saya." im just reminding myself, and anyone who wants to be reminded.

nak tunggu ujian besar from Allah ke baru nak ingat Dia? nauzubillah.

and yet, while i'm writing all this down, i may still end up being the one who forgets so easily. and i can only hope and pray over and over again..

ya Allah, please don't leave me. 
im scared of not being with You. :'(


i was in the midst of studying, when suddenly i remembered my dream last night. He came. wallahua'lam. i'm not sure if it's him or just the other creation. but we were at home. he was in the living room. and i was looking for euro coins to give him. he liked those kinds of things. so i found 2 coins and gave them to him. he seemed very happy. i cant remember clearly how he looks, it was just him sitting down on a chair. 

it has been so long since i last dreamt of him. i viewed my blog. read the entry i made the day after he left us. sadly i didn't even remember the part about the wallet. cried all out this morning. astaghfirullah. i just miss him. that's all. and it's better to let things out. and reflect back where exactly am i heading to as well.

praying for friends and anybody out there, 
who are way stronger than me, to stay strong. 
ujian didatangkan untuk menguatkan iman.
Allah loves all of you. 

praying for those who had gone back to Him, 
semoga diletakkan dalam kalangan 
orang-orang yang Allah sayangi. insyaAllah.

praying for myself, 
to be on the right path. 
not once in a while, 
but every second of the day. insyaAllah. 

Al-Fatihah. :')  


my snowy saturday morning :)

just thought of uploading some pictures of life. (",)

for anyone who cares. my kakak specifically.. :)

done with subuh prayers. opened the window. fresh cold air. greeting snow.

make bed. adoring my new duvet cover. cheap. courtesy of ebay. :)
(line lipatan pun nampak lagi)

went to kitchen. greeted with a nice snowy backyard. 

decided to prepare some breakfast for the house.
nak masak ape?

found target: the almost-expired bread.
have to use. membazir tak baik.

breakfast in the making. *simple je. bukan nasi lemak*

munching some fruits sambil-sambil.
decided to live healthy. makan buah before meals.
sunnah nabi :)

jejeng. french toasts done.
haih.. missing home. abah loves making this. :)
*adoi. rindu abah mama*

have a good saturday everyone!


"Dan sungguh, kelak Tuhan-Mu pasti Memberikan karunia-Nya kepadamu, sehingga engkau menjadi puas."
[93: 5]

this ayat finally caught my attention last night during our little meet-up. and listening to a friend's thought, leads me to mengangguk-angguk perlahan. :) she said: "manusia atas dunia ni memang takkan pernah rasa puas."

somehow that simple sentence made me thought deep. i used to talk to friends about the non-believers having unfulfilled lives. for they are wanting so many things to keep themselves busy, which ends with them either not getting any closer to the things they want, or even if they got them, they ended up wanting more. thus, it seems like an endless tiring journey for them. i have always said that not knowing the real purpose of life, leads to a senseless one. you dont know what you actually want. and you just grab whatever it is that's in front of you. anything. nak kawen. nak study overseas. nak baju baru. nak travel venice. nak pegi concert. nak masters. nak dapat phD. all without proper reasons. it's just human beings; wanting. 

and we were deceived by the word; goals. short-term goals, and long-term goals. the latter being one that is said to be more 'purposeful' for us, right? we were fooled that having these goals will fulfill one's life. will make us happy. note: i'm not saying that we cant have goals or anything. if not, than why am i even here in dublin studying medicine?? 

my point is, i think that all the goals that we have, be it short-term or long-term, are nothing, if we don't have this one ultimate purpose. there's only one ultimate, right, chosen, special whatever it is you want to describe it- purpose. which is:

to meet our Creator
to live There, for eternity

and there's only two types of places we can choose from. and our actions here will decide which we'll end up in. astaghfirullah. nobody can be sure where they'll end up in. (except for those yang Allah da janji. jealous. tapi your amalan entah kat mane yan. T,T) but i pray that at least i'll die while trying my best. kan?

and at the end, human beings can finally feel puas. here in this world, there's no such thing as puas. because only Allah can give that feeling to us, and it's not here, but only in the HereAfter. Allah stated it clearly in the Quran.


ps: nak tulis dlm ni jgk. arini snow. but accompanied by occasional lightnings and thunders. which left me scared since lastnight. felt like Bumi is really really old now. felt Akhirat is totally closing in on us.


si dia

saw some updates in facebook. i think i have been with people around me that says No to this, that i actually forget about the majority of people who are still very much loving every single moment of couple-hood. all those mushy, lovey dovey stuff that never fails to make the guys smiling randomly, and the girls all flattered, giggly and happy. 

it's a whole different world aint it? getting to know one another, taking pictures, supporting one another in studies and stuff, sharing your food together, occasionally looking at your phones just to peek at her/his picture, wearing matching clothes to a friend's house, tweeting how much you love one another for the whole world to acknowledge, teasing each other cutely, followed by pujuk-memujuk, and ending with "i love you too." aw.. so sweet :)

true. i'm a normal typical girl. who smiles and giggles at these kind of mushy stuff. and i cant wait to do all the mushy stuff too. BUT. only when the right time comes. when is it? definitely not now. and not when he says he'll marry me and give me an engagement ring and stuff. no. it's right when this special one guy says:

 "aku terima nikahnya..."

that's when i'll make sure ill be doing all the stuff that everybody else is doing. for all i know, at that particular time, Allah says ok to all the sweet things done. kan?

thought of a very poyo statement the other day, but i think it summarizes all:

if you want to have me, 
you need to go through Him first, 
err..and my abah too.

the end of izyan's occasional ramblings.
ps: i may have talked about this a few times before in this blog. hehe.. :)


zero to hero

one time, someone said to me, that being in this road, you will find unexpected things. things that challenge you.and you do things that you dont normally do. or you will do things that you would normally say no to. 

my first 'sort-of' official task happened during summer. and despite doing things that, well, have done before a few times back in the highschool days, you know, all the talking or even emceeing. but this is totally different. doing things for reasons that you are totally clear of; and it was a whole lot nerve-wrecking. all things comes to mind. things like ikhlas; which to be frank is the part that im most scared of. but still, questioning your sincerity doesn't get you anywhere, the job still needs to be done.

and yet, as nerve-wrecking and worrisome as it is, it always ends up with a good feeling. when you make others around you happy; or when you see others giving you words of encouragement; or best of all, prayers for you. you cant help but be thankful that Allah Planned all these, and He Mercifully decided to include you in it. what more can you say than.. alhamdulillah.

but at the end of the day, challenged or not, worried or not, nerve-wrecking or not, we are all hoping that we're doing things for Him, insyaAllah. because we all are just ordinary beings, who wants to be Loved by The Creator. kan? 

hoping that He is Smiling as He Watches us. ameen.

ps : promote zero to hero in Dublin. do check this link out eit? come one, come all!!

z2h dublin 2010 (official) from missizyan on Vimeo.


i am a Muslim student

so what makes us any different from all the other students in college? 

we are Muslim students. 
schematic answer. but so true. 
(mungkin ade yang jawab, Muslim dulu. baru student. true and true)

but are we Muslim students just because we wear hijab? is it just because we dont drink and go to parties during weekends? is it just because we say bismillah during exams? is it just because we can be happy applying the concept of usaha, tawakkal and redha in our studies?

yes i think they are all true. but the most important thing that im trying to grasp here is keberkatan ilmu. this is something so big and deep that we have, that Allah promised us, should we do things His way of course. 

Hence, even if we pray 5 times a day and wear hijab everyday, kerberkatan ilmu doesn't come just by doing all that.

*note: keberkatan ilmu = blessed knowledge. (direct translation.hehe) 

last year, i think my understanding and belief on the usaha, tawakkal & redha concept deepened. but i think i sort of completely leave behind it's other half; keberkatan ilmu. being in a foreign country, it's quite hard for us to really appreciate the meaning behind keberkatan ilmu, when the lecturer is a non-believer, thus you dont feel any sense of obligations towards him/her. you do respect them. in awe for the intricate things they understand and remember; but no sense of obligation or responsibility to learn from them, because we dont quite feel that the knowledge they're giving are with barakah. betul tak? not to mention 70% of the lectures are uncomprehensible. even if we understand the words they are saying, we dont really know how to link them with previous lectures. (but i guess we should blame ourselves for that matter. or medicine? hehe)

back to my point.

the true fact is; the barakah is always there. your effort in waking up very early, preparing here and there, running to class should you be late, waiting for the bus (or walking, or cycling, or even scootering..hehe), the effort you put in concentrating in the lecture hall, the effort of trying not to be sleepy, the jab in the ribs you gave to your sleepy friend beside you, the ruler that someone borrowed from you, the drinks and chocolates you shared with others during the breaks in between lectures, the smile you gave to others which somewhat makes them a tiny  bit happier, the encouraging words and reminders you exchanged while heading to the surau, the comforting words you gave when you see someone else who are so busy with so many other responsibilities and the list goes on. there are endless things that you were doing, All things Allah never takes for granted, and believe it or not, they were all part of your effort in menuntut ilmu. how? because awal-awal pagi turun kelas kan dah niat; sahaja aku meninggalkan rumah, untuk menuntut ilmu, mencari keredhaan-Mu. kan?

the barakah may not come directly from the ilmu itself (which i highly doubt, surely ade berkat kat situ, regardless of who the lecturers are) but all the things we do, that seemed very small that we have mislooked; are the ones that Allah yang Maha Teliti is counting and putting into our 'accounts'. for our studies specifically, do we think that we got A's (or Bs and Cs) solely because we've not slept for 3 days memorizing the anatomy book (or mechanical or anything for that matter.hee) ? well think again. 

because if Allah really Grants us good results solely because of our effort in studies; in other words Allah checks how many hours we spent reading, understanding, memorizing, answering questions, a.k.a studying; come on guys. ask yourselves. do you really think it's enough? of course Allah does take into account all the time spent and effort made, but if He were to give us results just because of that, i dont think we can even get an F. seriously.

sometimes too, we may get what we want, and yes, we have studied like hell. constantly, what not. hence, the 'great' results. but wont it be sad, because when all that we are aiming for is just the A+ and not the barakah behind it, then the result is not that great in the Hereafter kan? the way we look at things is always different from the way Allah Sees. 

dalam menuntut ilmu, the most important thing is making it as a form of ibadah. because if all the time spent is not a form of ibadah, then our 'Hereafter accounts' are just empty. not much difference from the ones who are partying like hell every other night. and how to make it an ibadah? niat kerana Allah and doing all things the right way. what's the right way? ask your heart. hati tak tipu. most of the time it's just us ignoring the small hunches that the heart felt. and the constant pestering of Mr Merah.

take your SPM for example. hmm.. scratch that. IB exams or A-levels. what makes you so sure, that you got great results because your eyes were literally stuck to the book 24/7? what if it was only because Allah grant your parents' prayers for you back home? or your teachers' prayers when they were about to start the lessons? or Allah Saw that you gave a pen to someone in class just for the sake of helping her? and so much more. and not at all because of your effort.

life has so much more deep meanings behind it. just ask Him for help, and He will show you. think. that's all He wants us to do.

alhamdulillah, Allah made me experience this countless time. i know for a fact that i wont be here if it wans't His Plans to begin with. for i question my own lame efforts in studying constantly. for those who kept saying they got these and that because they were constantly with books, it's time to realize it's Allah's Plans for them. :(

looking back, i see so much things i have done wrongly. and thought of wrongly. and just to remind others out there, while im saying all these, i may make the same mistakes. again and again. i am just a mere human being. bound to make all the mistakes. but this is just a reminder, from someone who used to like being in her comfort zone, (most probably still am); not wanting to be a bad person, but not aiming high to be very good, nice ones either; but i am trying really hard to change all the big and small things in my life, for the better. but while im reminding myself, why not share it with the world kan?
everything is there. read the Quran, and we'll see all the reminders that He Kept on Giving, which we always turn a blind eye and  a deaf ear to. :'(

ya Allah, berikanlah petunjuk kepada hamba-hambaMu ini.

ps: to fellow friends out there, dont be sad for all the time that you think you lost. for they are all lost for Him. and we all know He is Never One to miss anything. hoping and praying for the best for all of us, here and most importantly, Hereafter. ameen ameen ya Rabb.


nice sight

tarikh lawa lagi. terlepas nak kahwin lagi. *lol* going to bed early tonight. had a very long tiring day. so tired by now, since im back home so late. have lots of things on my mind that i feel like sharing in here. but it seems like im very much racing time. need to catch up with a lot of things. funny how i seem to have a lot of free time last year. but i think that was only because of my lack of understanding on stuff instead.

anyways, keluar rumah at 7.15am today. and dont know why, Dublin seems to be freakishly cold nowadays. we're not easily fooled by the beautiful sunny sunrise anymore. *sob2* at night can reach down to 2 degrees. serious sejuk. and then there was the midterm test early morning today. on neuro. sesusah yang disangka. no surprise there. then straight classes till 6. alhamdulillah, im trying to appreciate a new meaning behind the word mencari ilmu. will be shared soon insyaAllah.

then my tummy decided to have it's usual monthly gastric. the excruciating pain somehow led me to think, "aiyoo. dosa apakah yang telah ku buat ni?" 

ok. im just blabbing. dont have much to share actually. the only thing that got me excited to write in here is a 5 minute walk that i had. from 7.30am till 6.30pm i stayed in college. at 6.35pm, finally went out of the health science building, to meet up with pika (who had 2 exams today. you go girl!). and despite the very cold breeze that left me menggigil seorang diri~ i was greeted with a very beautiful sight. the moon.

then the best part is 2 minutes later. the right song was playing in my headphones, and i was walking by the lake, along a nice path under the trees, with the darkened sky, and the sound of water gushing from the UCD lake. and the moon was the highlight of it all. subhanallah.

despite being tired, cold, hectic, test susah and all; i was greeted with Allah's creations instead.

which also leads me to think that:

no matter how bad a day we had, 
if we have Allah by our side, 
everything still fall into place.




i'm going to start the day with some killer questions for myself. care to join? have a read. it's just my wake-up calls.

tajuk: kenapa?

kenapa aku sibuk melayan nafsu diri dan kerenah dunia?
sedangkan aku tahu dunia ni sementara.

kenapa aku sibuk menonton youtube di waktu lapang?
sedangkan aku tau kiamat kecil aku akan tiba bila-bila?

kenapa aku boleh menghabiskan masa berjam-jam di city mencari telefon baru?
tetapi nak habiskan masa 2 jam di usrah rasa 'oh, precious time'.

kenapa aku tak terlibat dengan social events and gatherings?
sedangkan aku tau islam bukan bersifat individualistik.

kenapa aku boleh duduk depan laptop menonton drama favourite secara marathon tanpa sedar?
tetapi nk duduk buat kerja dakwah, sejam sudah mengeluh.

kenapa aku boleh bangun awal untuk Garda ataupun kelas pagi?
tetapi nak bangun Qiam tak pernah cuba.

kenapa aku masih tak memasang niat untuk memperbanyakkan ibadat sunat?
sedangkan aku tahu disitu boleh raih cinta Allah.

kenapa aku boleh plan ahead winter & summer trips?
tapi nak plan untuk kematian tak ada dalam kepala.

kenapa aku baca Quran lagi sikit compared to tengok youtube?
sedangkan selalu kata "im a Muslim. dan saya berpegang kepada Quran dan Sunnah."

kenapa walaupun sudah percaya Nabi Muhammad SAW adalah insan contoh yang terbaik?
tetapi masih mengidolakan manusia selain daripadanya.

kenapa aku cakap sayang ibubapa dan keluarga?
tetapi tak berusaha menjadi anak soleh/solehah untuk mengajak mereka bersama?

kenapa aku boleh decide untuk main bowling atau Qzar dalam 2 saat?
tetapi nak pergi program atau ceramah agama, 3 hari fikir. tu pun belum tentu pergi.

kenapa aku boleh nak habiskan masa 3 minggu berjalan-jalan time summer?
tapi 3 hari daurah. no way?

kenapa aku taknak bersama orang-orang yang aku tahu ilmu agama mereka lebih mantap?
sedangkan aku tahu ilmu masih cetek. iman camne?

kenapa aku mampu bimbang tentang makan atau study?
tetapi jarang sekali bimbang tentang hati yang mudah berbolak-balik.

kenapa usaha aku sikit?
sedangkan aku tahu syurga itu bukan senang.

kenapa aku masih begini?
sedangkan aku belum pasti akan tempatku di akhirat kelak?

aku jarang bertanya soalan-soalan ni kepada diri sendiri?
sedangkan aku tahu dan sedar kepentingannya?

maybe, because i already know the answers.
but dont want to take responsibilities of them.
because the more you know, the greater the responsibilities kan?

these, are questions that we rarely want to ask ourselves,
thus we avoid the people who can ask these kind of questions to us;
those who kept asking themselves these questions over and over again.

we have always said 'aku belum baik. aku masih banyak bende jahat dalam diri."
but where is our effort to undo all that?

ya Allah, give me strength. give us strength.
bless us with iman.
bless us with taqwa.

again,this is me retrospecting in public.
i may not be a good person to begin with,
but hoping that these small efforts are considered as my hujah for the Hereafter.

"Setiap yang bernyawa akan merasakan mati. 
Dan hanya pada hari Kiamat sajalah diberikan dengan sempurna balasanmu.
Barangsiapa dijauhkan dari neraka dan dimasukkan ke syurga, sungguh,
dia memperoleh kemenangan. 
Kehidupan dunia hanyalah kesenangan yang memperdaya."

true.i may not be the best person to say and question these kind of things.
true, kalau ikut layak tak layak, serious rasa tak layak.
tapi kalau tak berpesan tentang benda-benda yang benar,
aku akan berada dalam kerugian.
nak tunggu diri sempurna? sampai bila-bila pun takkan.

ps: sape cakap berpesan bende baik kene tunggu sempurna?
and who are we to judge..?



hari ni

lawa tarikh die. idaman semua yang nak kawin. me too. tapi, da terlepas nampaknya.nak buat camne...hehe..
but it's just a date. what's more important is how much you prepared yourself to face marriage, not weddings. ok. enough about that.

because it's a special date, 
i thought of making something special too.

it's a part of my hobby actually, 
and i realized last year that this hobby of mine can make others happy insyaAllah.

sometimes, if you do things for the right reasons, it makes all things worthwhile.

but im writing this in here because im worried. 
that my intention went astray. 
things done for the right reasons are blissful, 
but deadly for the wrong reasons. 

so im praying again that i did it with ikhlas insyaAllah.

i hope they're happy.

cuz i am.


ps: video boleh dicek kat facebook.
bertajuk 'hanyut'
for girls only of course. :)



at times i wish i can say that every actions i take, every word i spoke of, every word i wrote, every thing i do, is with ikhlas. sadly, i cant.

as much as i wish my niat is right, that im doing things for Allah; not for others to recognize me, not for others to praise me, not for others to notice me; i am again reminded of the hadith i read from Ustaz Zaharuddin's web:

Maksudnya (ringkasan terjemahan) :

Antara yang terawal diadili di hari qiyamat kelak adalah mereka yang mati syahid. Kemudian ditanya kepada mereka : Apakah yang kamu telah perbuat (amalan di dunia dahulu)?

Jawabnya : Aku telah berjuang untukMu (wahai Allah) sehingga mati syahid

Dibalas : Kamu berbohong, tetapi kamu berjuang untuk digelar "SANG BERANI"

maka dikatakan, telah ditarik semula amalannya dan dicampakkan ke mukanya dan dilontarkan dia ke dalam neraka.

Ditanyakan kepada (orang kedua) : Apakah yang kamu telah perbuat (amalan di dunia dahulu)?

Jawabnya : "Aku mempelajari ilmu, mengajarkannya dan membacakan keranaMu Al-Quran"

Dijawab semula : Kamu berbohong, kamu mempelajari ilmu agar kamu boleh digelar ‘ALIM, kamu membaca Al-Quran agar digelar "QARI"

maka dikatakan, telah ditarik semula amalannya dan dicampakkan ke mukanya dan dilontarkan dia ke dalam neraka.

Ditanyakan kepada (orang ketiga) : Apakah yang kamu telah perbuat (amalan di dunia dahulu)?
Jawabnya : "Tidak aku sesuatu yang engkau sukai untukku dermakannya kecuali telah aku dermakannya keranaMu"

Dijawab semula : "Kamu berbohong kamu mendermakannya agar kamu digelar "DERWAMAN"
maka dikatakan kepada Malaikat, lalu telah ditarik semula amalannya dan dicampakkan ke mukanya dan dilontarkan dia ke dalam neraka (

(Riwayat Muslim, no 3527, Kitab al-Imarah)

so here i am, contemplating whether i'm really doing things for Him? at the same time worrying whether im doing things the right way or not. as the common saying goes, "niat tak menghalalkan cara".

truth is, im scared for myself. im worried of my place in the Hereafter. it's always one or the other. astaghfirullah. but no matter how scared i am of my own niat, of my own sincerity in the things that im doing, it still doesnt give me the right to stop doing everything, and stay in my room quietly and cater for myself. when it doesnt involve others out there, of course i dont have to worry about being sincere or not, kan? it's only me and Him. but truth is, that's not the way Allah wants us to live, kan? 

ikhlas comes after istiqamah. there is no such thing as, ill do this and that, once im ikhlas. cuz it's a very vague area. can one really say, "ye. saya ikhlas!"? i know i cant. and i know only He Knows. that's why it's something very hard to attain. because only He Knows. only He can Judge our sincerity. so keep on doing the things that Islam had taught us, that Rasulullah had taught us, that the Quran had taught us. Keep on doing all of them, and ask of Him, to Put ikhlas in our hearts instead. because sometimes, thinking of ikhlas as a gift from Him, and not something that i myself can make/attain, takes a looot of weight off. 

wallahua'lam. this is just my opinion. and again, it's just me retrospecting in public. semoga Allah kurniakan ikhlas dalam hati kita semua. Ameen ameen ya Rabb. :')

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