Complete Faith

Sick. hence the time for me to write a bit. Alhamdulillah, wa astaghfirullah. may Allah forgives all my sins with my little illness. =_=''

Life has been moving, fast if i may say so. Work has  been non-stop. time flies huh? it's been over 2 months that i've been working as a real doctor. or maybe the right word would be training to be a good doctor. i guess i somewhat truly understand what houseman is all about now: a total training period. days where you experience and see things with your own eyes. see what is right and what is wrong. scolded for what is right and what is wrong. yes it's pretty much a hostile environment. but what can we really do other than rely on Allah's guidance? it's a work that involves so many people. your superiors, your colleagues, your patients, their families. and we all have our own different sets of emotions. and because this world is not perfect, our emotions often clashes with one another. 

nobody is ever happy, nobody is ever satisfied, miscommunication is everywhere, and so do misunderstandings. everybody is taking everybody else for granted. nobody really appreciate what the others are doing. we don't appreciate them as much as they don't appreciate us. MOs and HOs work together, and yet, we think that they hate us, and they think that we hate them. and the cycle goes on. it's a messy world to be honest. one that is so messy that we have to be conscious of our intention all the time, which is something almost impossible to be done at the moment. but if we dont renew our intention, then we'll be the losers in the end.

Loser, i am. because i can already sense moments where i have not been as empathetic as i wanted to. towards these patients that i am in charge of, when all my head can think of is to get those work done, to get the bloods taken, to jot the investigations done, to get the signatures; just so  that i wont get scolded by my superiors. hadoy. sad isn't it? and stupid, to be honest. cause everything we do has been so technical, it's so embarrassing. towards them patients especially, the ones who trusted our hands in taking care of them. and most importantly, malu kat Allah. The One watching us slipping away with our so-called 'noble' intentions. malu kat Allah. seeing how our akhlak deteriorates with every dissing and bashing that we are doing towards one another.

astaghfirullah. but if we were to blame everything to the environment then nothing will change won't it? so at times that i forget, astaghfirullah is the key word. i remembered once, i was worried that my boss would think that i haven't done my job just because i wasn't updating them through whatsApp and someone else was. i remembered feeling pretty much stupid afterwards. because i know i was doing my best with the patient. so it doesn't really matter if they know or not, or whatever that they perceive about us, so long as we are trying our best. we know it, and Allah Knows it. that's all that really matters. 

another time i was saddened when my fellow colleagues were bashed by their superiors. apparently they perceived that my friends weren't doing their job. i'd feel crushed too if i were them. when the work that you've done day in day out, and yet they still think that we have done nothing. we'd feel like trash won't we? but if we were to stress our heads with what others perceive about us, then it's a tiring cycle. it will be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. so the only solution to all of this is to fix our belief. to fix our line of thoughts: that whatever happens, it's within Allah's will. try our best, regardless if the job is done or not. try our best, even if we are to be scolded afterwards. learn as much, and keep on praying, that Allah keep our heart at ease, with whatever harsh words that we heard from others. that Allah keep our heart at ease, with whatever that happens. 

because eventually, Allah Maha Adil. they will still be held accountable for what they say and what they do. so leave it to them to take it back to Allah on that one fine day. and if that still doesn't comfort us, just remember that every heart is within Allah's grasps. then pray thay Allah lembutkan hati semua orang, at least.

whatever happens, it happens for a reason. by Allah's will. so if it happens, Allah wanted it to happen to us. so let's remind each other of this very simple thing: Tawakkal. to trust Allah completely, with our lives. insyaAllah. We'll be able to smile in the end and say Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah wa ameen.

******************

on another note, i can never thank Allah enough for all his Plans. this time around, again, Allah planned life so beautifully that i can say nothing other than Alhamdulillah. true how they say, Allah plans things beyond our imagination. may Allah ease the paths ahead insyaAllah. :)

till the next post insyaAllah.

do make doa for me, for my family, 

for my friends, and for everyone else.

let's ace this short trip in Dunya, and seek His Redha;

with and by Allah's will. Aameen.

and here's a special  Doa worth reciting over and over again insyaAllah:
"Ya Allah, do not hold me accountable for what they say about me.
And make me better than what they perceive me to be.
And forgive me for what they don't know about me."
[Abu Bakr As-Siddiq r.a]

To Lean On

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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*snuggly..buggly..wuggly* :)

I have this amazing ability to contract all the right bugs whenever there is a change of season. And the time was perfect this time around too, as my fever started right on the first day of my big exams. I am a bit of a whiny person when it comes to being sick, i have no intention of being tough and buff and have always loved the extra attention (talk about tak cukup kasih sayang.hehe). If my friends made me porridge or something, i'd always go haruu (grateful). But anyways, as it was the exam time i couldn't really put any attention to my health really, and had to gobble up all the paracetamols that i could get my hands on. Alhamdulillah with Allah's help i survived the ordeals and now that the exams are over, i finally am able to give this body of mine the rest that it needs. 

And boy it really demands a lot. I guess i've been keeping it all in, that it finally breaks out. For the moment, the best thing i could do is lie in bed and keep my head still, cause it feels like bursting whenever i cough or move. I cant even do my sujood properly cause it throbs and will continue throbbing for a while. Lying in bed, my heart started to wander off to the comfort of home. If only i was this sick at home, mama would definitely make me her special bubur and hot milk, and abah would have brought me to the sink to wash my hair with cold water or something. 

You know, being taken care of. 

And this is where my mind starts to wander off some more..

I guess little did we realize that Allah didn't actually sent us alone in this world. Yes, we'd end up being alone in the end after the short trip in this Dunya, but the whole journey has always been with those who we can lean on. Through Allah's Will and Allah's Mercy, we were surrounded with our own set of 'angels'. We  were welcomed into this world being cared for and loved by our parents. We grew up having most of what we want if not all of it, and never ever having to pay them back. 

And then perhaps we have those period where we have to be away from the confinements of parents and families, but Allah replaced them with our friends around. Perhaps the extent of attention and care that we get is not as much as what we'd get from families, but it's enough to keep us happy. When we'd get encouragements from one another, or the occasional words of wisdom, or that relationship advices, and even those random desserts we made for one another once in a while.

Soon enough the next step comes, where we'd find our partners. I am nowhere near this step at the moment *peluh kecil* i should be worried huh? But it's always an amazing thing if we look at it carefully, having this sudden huge feeling of compassion to this random stranger who have just entered our lives. But Allah still plant that feeling into us and we'd ended up leaning on one another, caring for them more than ourselves. Well, that's how it should be anyway; when we enter a relationship to give, rather than to take.

And then life goes on as we'd get older, and Allah-Willing our children have enough sense in them to understand the responsibility of taking care of their parents as how Islam taught us to. We'd be leaning on them, as life starts to slip away from us little by little, until it's time for us to meet Him again.

So taking a step back, it's quite obvious how beautiful Allah planned our lives isn't it? For every step of the way, He has never really left us alone, there will always be someone who would be with us. someone who'd be worried if we're sick; someone who'd count days that they'd be able to meet us; someone who misses our voice, our laughs, our jokes; someone who'd think of us whenever they see something beautiful; someone who'd text us just to make sure we're not alone. Search within ourselves, there would always be people who we would sacrifice everything for. And that's beautiful in it's own way;

cause when we do feel that way towards others, 

there will always be those who felt the same way towards us. 

InsyaAllah. :)

And even if we feel like we don't have anyone in this world to lean on,

there is always Allah s.w.t; who would never leave us alone.

And we all know that He's the best that we could ever hoped for right?

*******

اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ

Allah adalah Tuhan yang bergantung kepada-Nya segala sesuatu.

[112:2]

Wallahua'lam.

Note: pray for my speedy recovery pretty please? 

heading for clinic today, finally~yosh!

Jazakumullahu khayr.

Mind rant 20#: Lovey Dovey Lagi

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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Now now, with my bestfriend-of-8-years's wedding only days away, and then receiving this invitation card full of love today, and not to mention the daily updates of the wedding from dresses to pelamin to flowers because I'm not able to be there; how can I resist the temptation to write another Love post? You tell me. =.=

I guess it's something unavoidable, at this age too, that when we hear these happy news, we tend to find ourselves back in the mind-state "when will my time comes?". It is annoying, irritating and rather tiring too, having to face the same kind of thoughts that we already know all the answers to. But I guess that's why Allah let us have those feelings, to let us come back to all the answers again, through Him. InsyaAllah.

*****

Love addicts. 

It's what we've all been fed through movies, dramas, songs and books; which is to be one. I remembered back when i was in highschool, i watched this series called Gilmore Girls. So one time, the girl Rory had a boy that she liked. His name was Dean. And then one time when they have been dating for a while, Dean suddenly said "i love you" which got Rory all flustered and she went back home in a huff saying things like she's not prepared yadda yadda. And I remembered thinking, "ouhh, so you can like someone.....but you can't say i love you??"  See how easy the ideas seep into the young heads? Looking back, even now, i don't understand the logic or message behind that scene. Heh.

My point is, this is just one of the millions of ideas of love that were put into our heads. Love is this. Love is that. Love makes you do crazy things. Love is a mental disease. The list goes on. You can get all sorts of definitions online. Look it up yourself, or better yet, don't look it up!

We are too busy confusing ourselves with all the love quotes out there, that we forget the real idea of love is when you are able to love for the sake of Allah. Yes it is a cliche thing to say, but it's one of the hardest thing one can ever do in this short life. To love for the sake of Allah; understanding what it means alone is hard enough, differentiating which love is which is another difficult step, and truly loving someone for the sake of Allah is the most crucial and hardest step of all. And sadly enough, we all fall into another trap of this Dunya, when we thought that loving for the sake of Allah is when we exchange words like ana or akhi or ukhti or the occasional lillahi Taala in our daily text messages to that person we like, perhaps even smiling giddily at our phones. 

But syaitonirrojim a.k.a mr Devil's traps doesn't end here. The test to see if our love is for the sake of Allah goes beyond that. It doesn't stop when we put on the engagement ring, it doesn't stop on the day of our ijab qabul, it doesn't stop when we have 5 grown-up kids, but it goes on till the day we die. Because despite love itself being a gift from Allah, Allah wants this Love to be for Him first, and only then the rest can follow. So the question is, how do we know if we are actually loving someone for the sake of Allah? And I found this best answer from a talk; 

it is when something or someone that we love, is taken away from us. 

That's when we know where our love stand. 

Whether we actually love our Creator, or His creations.

But unfortunately, this is what happens most; we see people ended up so messed up when they are not able to get who they want, or ended up so miserable and not being able to let go when things are not going their way. The breakups, the engagements being called off, the dramas when the mother opposes of your relationship, the fights you have, being upset of one another etc. All those time when they were together they'd say things like "i love him/her, lillahi taala" and the next moment when things don't work out, they became so depressed as if it's the end of the world, and Allah seems to be the last thing in their minds. Astaghfirullah wa naudzubillah.

But of course, we wouldn't truly know the feelings involved for those who are tested with these kinds of emotional turmoils. And saying things out (or rather, typing) is always easier than actually going through it ourselves. But still, I guess this is why we are tested with love, to remind ourselves that we have not been playing our part of the bargain yet. 

We say that we love Allah and we want to enter His Jannah, but Allah knows that we are not quite sincere enough with what we are saying, and thus Allah test us with feelings and emotions, to  humble us down, so much so to the point that we are able to let go of whatever that Allah takes back from us with ease. At that moment, we are no longer loving his Creations, but we are loving the Creator. And perhaps only then, we are worthy enough to be one of Allah's ahlul-Jannah. And isn't that the biggest gift of all?

*********

So there is still a looooong way to go for me. But it doesn't hurt to prepare myself (and all the readers) beforehand with the reminders of all the tests that come with Love; that it's not all lovey-dovey with rose petals falling while we walk into this path.

And to remind us, that what matters most is not who we love or who love us back, 

but if the love is built with Allah, and for Allah s.w.t. 

So to all dearest friends who are about to embark on that new journey, i am sending my prayers to all of you, may Allah guide your Love to Him through and through. InsyaAllah.

And a side note to myself:
*slap in the face*

Please come back to your senses, yan.

Your time is just not here yet.

Huhuhu *nanges bawah bantal*

*kofkof* back to being Macho. :)

kad dari jauh. see how special my name is? (Larleem = Darling)

Ps: Barakallahulakuma to my sweetest friend, Fatin Wahab who will be leaving me all alone in the scary world of single-hood on the 13th of October. I hope the readers can pray for her and future hubby too. May Allah bless their marriage till Jannah insyaAllah. 

وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Dan orang orang yang berkata: 

"Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kepada kami isteri-isteri kami dan keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati (kami), 

dan jadikanlah kami imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa."

[25:74]

beautiful doa, as always.

Aamiin ya Rabb.

mind rant #19: Strength

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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it's been a while folks. though i do have something in mind to write about, i just thought of a more laid-back and very short entry tonight since it's already waaay past my bedtime (finishing some study-related work, being the geek i am).

anyway, last week i went to meet up with some friends for a housewarming party. meeting those familiar faces is definitely something i miss. there's really only a bunch of us left for our final year as a medical student, insyaAllah. in Dublin alone, we have three main universities; RCSI, UCD and TCD. there's about 10++ Malaysians for UCD and TCD and perhaps a bit more for those in RCSI (lucky them). but the chances of us meeting one another ever since our clinical year started is very limited, cause all of us are thrown away to different rotations and different places. Truthfully it's even hard to meet up with those who are in the same universities!

so the occasional gatherings are something that we try not to miss, really; otherwise we'd live a very lonely life here in Dublin. of course, there are those gatherings for Malaysian students in general by all those student organizations, but that's only occasionally and we'd always ended up lost in the huge crowds of juniors in their pre-clinical years (lots of those who are in a twinning programme), them not knowing us, and vice versa. Don't get me wrong, we all tried our best to get to know one another. :P

anyhow, back to the housewarming party, i felt a very different feeling seeing those familiar faces, Alhamdulillah. somehow everybody knows the struggles that each of us are having; the lonesome travels to random rotations, the crazy exams, the maze-like hospitals, the creepy Consultants. and it's cute enough that when we do meet up with one another, we'd be giving out tips; offering notes, borrowing books, giving directions to which bus to take etc.

and one word came to mind: 

Strength.

somehow we have become the strength to one another. pushing each other to all be doctors by the end of this very difficult journey. and my prayers is that we'd all ended up not just being good doctors, but awesome Muslim/Muslimah too. Aamiin ya Rabb.

so here's a little peek of us:

UCDs: 4th and final Meds together. some are missing though.

funny witty ladies. i love them to bits!
(RCSI, UCD, TCD)

random: this was last week's peripheral rotation in Kampung Wexford.
insyaAllah, perhaps my last peripheral rotation in Ireland (sobs)
ps: notice the very unhealthy diet for a medical student :)

now i cant leave the two anak-anak Zainols, can i?
i'm a lucky gal to have them with me every step of the way. :)

gah~ now that i'm looking at these pictures, i really can't believe that it's been 4 years since we set foot in Ireland *teary-eyed*. we have so much to be thankful for, Alhamdulillah. pray for me and friends here pretty please? That Allah will guide us all the way in our final stride. Aamiin wa InsyaAllah. :)

at times like this, it's best to remind ourselves with one of the best reminders of all right?
[one of my fave verses too of course]

فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

"Maka ni’mat Tuhan kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?"

[Ar-Rahman]

and of course, say Alhamdulillah;

just because we can. :)

assalamualaikum.

'Izzah: Not a Girl

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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'izzah. a word i've only come to know not long ago. maybe in one of those bulatan gembira or konferens riang. i can't remember exactly when, but the concept somewhat sticks. 'izzah means proud (correct me if i'm wrong). and so, my understanding of it develops as time goes by.

'izzah; 

a feeling; 

that we are proud to be chosen as a Muslim, 

to live in the here and now, as a Muslim.

and this lead me to something that i've been meaning to write for a while. do not get me wrong, this is just my personal reflection; i hope that anyone who reads this will gain a thing or two, insyaAllah. may this be a reminder for me and you. :) i'll try to make it short. *peace*

**********

it's my 4th year in Dublin now; and i realized that there are some things that i have taken for granted. walking along the streets of Dublin, or around the corridors of the hospitals, or in the compound of University College Dublin, or around the Dunnes Store in O'Connell Street; i have come to forget that i am a part of a minority group, ones that are different from the others; the ones who wear the Hijab.

undeniably, if we were back in Malaysia, one couldn't care less if we were wearing the Hijab; because everybody does so. and thus, most of us don't really appreciate the fact that we are actually following Allah's Rules when we don the Hijab; when we cover our hair. it's a too common thing, that back home, i think it became much more of an accessory, a necessity, a part of a daily routine; and is no longer seen for what it truly is; 

a part of our ibadah. 

********

let's go back to where i am now. Alhamdulillah, i am currently in Europe; 'Bumi Shamrock' so they call it. and everyday, i have to walk among the blondes, the brunettes, and the gingers; but wearing the Hijab has been a part of my daily life for so many years, that i have forgotten the feeling that i should feel; 

'izzah.

proud.

because now that i've come to think of it, by following His Rule to wear the Hijab, Allah has isolated me from those blondes, brunettes, and gingers. because i know that whenever they look at me, one thing will definitely pop in their head;

"She's a Muslim."

and that alone, is enough to make our hearts burst with pride, that we are His Hamba, His 'Abid. and our appearance alone is enough to make us special. not just in His Eyes, but in others as well. :)

******

and here's a little crucial point for today's post: sometimes i bumped into pictures of students studying abroad; with countless happy pictures of girls all giggling at a picnic, or travel pictures here and there. and underneath it there are names of  Anne, Tina, Rose, and suddenly; Siti Mek Zabedah (*rekaan semata-mata*) and it hit you hard; 

"oh. Muslim ke..?" =,='' 

it's a little bit of both; a sad and a harsh reality. seeing pictures of fellow Muslims, and yet, we could hardly differentiate them between the non-Muslim girls that they are with. the same hair styles, the same one-shouldered dress, the same short pants. *sigh*

knowing far too well that i am an imperfect being, full of mistakes and wrongdoings, but i guess they are not reason enough to stop me from hoping, praying, wishing, and calling out to all Muslim girls out there; 

let us all be 'izzah (proud) of who we truly are. 

A Muslim. 

and what better way to start this; 

than expressing it out loud?

with a pretty cloth on our head. :)

wallahua'lam.

Hijab for the World! 

"Wahai Nabi, suruhlah isteri-isterimu dan anak-anak perempuanmu serta perempuan-perempuan yang beriman, supaya melabuhkan pakaiannya bagi menutup seluruh tubuhnya (semasa mereka keluar); cara yang demikian lebih sesuai untuk mereka dikenal (sebagai perempuan yang baik-baik) maka dengan itu mereka tidak diganggu dan (ingatlah) Allah adalah Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani."

[33:59]

nota kaki: and yes. we don't need fancy twirls; or huge flowers on our Hijabs to make us feel special; 

enough that Allah is watching our hearts when we wear it. betulkan niat. betulkan cara. reminder to self first and foremost. :)

pps: and yes, i'm posting this in a context of Hijab as the first step in covering our aurat. *peace lagi*

mind rant 8#: Lucky Charm

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sometimes we don't need big things to happen to us, in order for us to feel lucky. it's always the little things; when we put all of them together, we'd realize that we have a Lucky Charm dangling at our wrist. at least for now, that's almost what i feel like. :)

Case 1

this year, our university is trying it's best in making sure that us Malaysians are not together. we're in different groups, different rotations, different places. tsk tsk. they worked hard. that's how it has been even years back, really. as much as i believe that we all need to be 'international'; mixing and mingling with everyone; one should know that it is rather tiring trying to 'bend like the mat saleh'. =,='' 

in order for you to mix around, you just have to understand their culture, their background, where they are coming from. and one can only do so much. it's not really a matter of not being able to converse with them, it's just a matter of keeping up with them. the topic of conversation is always just...tiring. still, it's not all the time that it's like this. plus we have to understand that they too are younger than us, less exposed to the world outside and just a bit oblivious to the real world; so there's only so much that you can expect. (ceh..macam lah matured sangat Malaysians ni.hehe)

anyway, looking from the Lucky Charm's perspective; despite UCD's effort to separate us all, i was thrown to the peripheral hospital with another Malaysian being. alhamdulillah! little things that one should always be thankful of. with less things to worry about. 

Lucky Charm, huh? :)

Case 2

in my last post, i rambled about my 'lost & found' portion of life. so i recently lost a pouch filled with my necessities from cash to bankcards to important receipts. and Alhamdulillah, with prayers (directly or indirectly), that episode ended with a happy ending. just like the ones before. less than 3 days later, it was safely back in my hands. haih~ 

Lucky Charm, huh? :)

Case 3

we had a very long Friday yesterday. from studies, to tutorials, to lectures. and we cycled here and there, back and forth. and we ended our day with Ijlis Binaa Nu'min Sa'ah (duduk sebentar, beriman sejenak) a.k.a berBulatan Gembira. and after a very long one, we cycled back in the very cold freezing night air, going uphill and downhill, very close to having a severe asthma attack; to the comfort of home.

anyways; after settling down; i suddenly remembered i left my handphone! i was rummaging through my bag to confirm it, and then, as if on cue, the doorbell rang. :) at that moment, i just knew that it'd be my phone (metaphorically-speaking) at my door. and yes, through the door was the smiling face of my kakak usrah, who came with a car, thankfully. (hehe. menyusahkan orang la yan oi), and she happily passed my phone to a very mesmerized-lost-for-words me. Allah is truly truly truly Great!

Lucky Charm, huh? :)

**********

these are just some of the little things that happened to me that one would say as being 'Lucky'. but i beg to differ; because Lucky is not something that exists in a Muslim's world, setuju?

here's one of the photos coming from one of my favourite facebook Page; KhadimulQuran; that explains Luck as what it truly is;

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Allah's Will. it's rather a simple concept that one should grasp as part of our Iman. because with Allah's Will, we have Qada' and Qadar. we believe in Qada' and Qadar. Redha dengan Qada' and Qadar.

"senang lah cakap Redha. benda best jadi sape tak Redha."

well that's because i just chose to share those little happy things in my life; which definitely doesn't mean i don't face any hampeh (sad) things along the way. 

anyhow; happy or hampeh; either way they all happen with Allah's Will. so it all really goes back to how our mind works. and how our Heart works. if we all believe in Allah's Will, then we can easily accept that anything good or bad happens for a reason. anything good or bad are all the same; tests to see if we would go back to Him. Faith in Qada' and Qadar.; it's one of those pillars of Iman, that we have always known, but needs constant reminding, over and over and over again.

so are they all the works of my Lucky Charm?

nah~ i call it; Allah's Will. :)

and some verses to kick things in the head, aite?

"Sesungguhnya Kami menciptakan segala sesuatu menurut ukuran." 

[Al-Qamar: 49] 

"Dan tidak ada sesuatu pun melainkan pada sisi Kami-lah khazanahnya, 

dan Kami tidak menurunkannya melainkan dengan ukuran tertentu." 

[Al-Hijr: 21]

wallahua'lam.

ps: i've been postponing a post since weeks back. but my impromptu posts kept coming first.haih~ need to finish that one soon and share some deep thoughts. doakan! :)

30 days

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i typed 'Ramadhan' in my search box, and ended up reading old posts i made about Ramadhan. some made me chuckle, but most made me think. a wave of gratitude fills in, for the reminders He Made me write, to remind my own self, most definitely. and anyone who bumps into this small blog.

reading back those posts coming from different years, i wondered have i changed much? to be the person i wish to be when i was writing them. wallahua'lam. i pray i have. :)

**************

Ramadhan is special, even when it's standing on its own. the doors of the Heavens are opened. Lailatul Qadr is in it. the Devils are off-duty. infinite bounties are up for grabs. the rewards are multiplied only Allah-Knows how much. Barakah is everywhere; alhamdulillah.

but this month can only be special to us, if we make it as one. it will always be called, syahrul Quran, syahrul Ibadat, and the so many different names it is. but it can only truly be one, if we make it as one.

syahrul Quran, when we make ourselves really close to Quran, with all the tadarrus and tadabbur.

syahrul i'badah; when we fill this month with all those i'badah that we know of.

*******

a thought struck me a few hours back, which somewhat becomes another solid proof of Allah's Greatness. remember the ever-famous tip in changing habits? it was said that it takes about 28 days for one to change their habit. which made me thought of Ramadhan. every year we see or hear people telling stories about the changes that they have made in the month of Ramadhan. some stopped smoking, some wear the hijab, some perform prayers on time etc. so i guess ultimately, it's up to us to decide on the things we want to change; the effort that we will put to change, and insyaAllah, this 30 days (if i'm not mistaken) will work wonders.

because;

we have 30 days of barakah.

we have 30 days of syaitonirrojim-free zone.

we have 30 days of doa-doa yang dimakbulkan.

and one very special night. :)

so i pray that you and i are able to make all the changes that we wish for, to make us a better Muslim, fi dunya and most definitely fil akhirah. and i pray that the changes that take place will lead us to be among those muttaqeen, mu'mineen, muhsineen and mukhliseen; those who are promised a place in Jannah.

insyaAllah. :)

“O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed upon you as it has been prescribed upon those before you, so that you may attain taqwa.”

[2:183]

Narrated Sahl: The Prophet said,

“There is a gate in Paradise called Ar-Raiyan, and those who observe fasts will enter through it on the Day of Resurrection and none except them will enter through it. It will be said, ‘Where are those who used to observe fasts?’ They will get up, and none except them will enter through it. After their entry the gate will be closed and nobody will enter through it.”

Salam Ramadhan Kareem 1433H

Forgive me for all my wrongdoings J

only hours left till our first tarawikh.

Surau Al-Mardhiah Kg Demit, masjid telipot, let's date! heheh. 

InsyaAllah

J

Sanah Helwah Mama

Allah has put Mothers so high up in the hierarchy.

Allah s.w.t

Prophet Muhammad S.A.W

Mother

Mother

Mother

Father

and the reasons for this are those we all already know of; that they carried us for 9 months, having to bear the pain of childbirth, and so many other things that we can't really describe. but the fact remains, nobody really knows for sure what is really going on in a mother’s head and a mother’s heart.

her dedication.

her passion.

her warmth.

her love for her children.

nobody can really know, not until you become a mother yourself. even then, your experience as a mother will never be the same with your own mother. so i guess it's back to square one; we can’t really know what does a mother goes through.

but Allah Knows.

so that’s why He raised Mothers way up to the highest pedestal. and we? we can only wonder.

*************

25th June 1958

Sanah Helwah Mama :)

evidently, without your prayers everyday and every night,

i will never be where i am now, who i am now.

ya Allah, Ease my way to please her with the Time You gave me.

ya Allah, Grant her Jannatul Firdausi.

ya Allah, i pray i'm able to meet her There too. :')

*******

ps: random memories; one time, the whole town had a blackout. in the middle of the night. so i went to sleep in parents' room. and they opened the windows to let the cool air in. but of course Mr Mosquitoes came buzzing in too. and as i was hazily going into dreamland, i heard some small slapping sound near me. it was Mama; abandoning her sleep. sitting around her children, worried that we might be bitten by those mosquitoes. i don't know how long she stayed up like that. but i remembered at that time, all i could think of was; "i love you mama." 

pps: can't wait for the warmth of her hug. mama, abah and Lin will be coming over this Thursday before my big day. us siblings (kakak, abe ammar, abe and kak ita) are planning a surprise belated-birthday for her insyaAllah. can't wait! may He Ease. (no worries. the parents are too traditional to read their own daughter's blog.) :P

Post It

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selalu;
we worry of those whom we haven't talked to for so long.
we worry of those whom we haven't met for so long.

diorang kecik hati ke?
diorang sedih ke?

we wonder to ourselves,
have we not taken a good care of our silaturrahim (relationships) with others?

tapi;
the truth is, we won't ever be able to take care of all the relationships that we have.
be it with the close ones, or even ones that we have just met.

but the beautiful thing here is,
when we do remember them,
we are always able to make do'a for them.

without having to post them gifts.
or give them well-wishes.
or post things on their wall.
or poke them on facebook.

make do'a for whoever comes to mind,
and post it to Him.
InsyaAllah,
He Takes Care of the rest.

beautiful kan?
i think so too.

words of wisdom for the day;
Jaga hubungan dengan Allah,
nescaya terjaga hubungan dengan Manusia.
(sorry i don't know if this is a hadith or not)

stress-relief :)

we'll be having a 3-day weekend this time. alhamdulillah :)

it's waaay past midnight. 

i've just finished some new look for my alter-ego. 

puas hati ku. mwahahaha~

i like making cute stuff. matching colours. finding cute pics. looking for good quotes.

reflection for today?

much really.

of late, been thinking of ujian again.

how ungrateful we are, for being so weak with small ujian.

padahal orang lain jauh lagi besar ujian mereka. 

forgive me ya Allah,

for i easily forget.

~haih~

anyways. 

some pictures i found on chocolates.

i started the weekends with high sugar. (as seen in facebook).

seems it might be that way the whole weekend.

gemok. :P

sorry for the rants.

i promise to write some 'food for soul' the next time.

insyaAllah. 

happy weekend!

1. gahh~~ i took them all. no wonder the diet never works. T_T 

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2. looking forward to a good weekend. with books, reminders, family time..and cakes? ;)

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3. and drinking lots and lots of caffein. - this will kill me someday. haih~

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4. and some of this...? *there's some truth behind it really*
feelings? yes.
thoughts? definitely.
memories? none yet.
and one person who has yet to come.
nowhere near this. prayers are all i've got.
*sorry. layan fitrah jap. i am a normal being. heh*

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goodnight world.

be good to everyone.

Allah is Watching. 

salam.

Cracks in Life

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Dear blog. 

i wish to not leave you here all alone in eerie silence, but i have a huge exam in 2 days time. to readers, do pray for us doctors-wannabe :)

but for the sake of random sharing, here goes. some retrospecting of my personal life. insyaAllah, i wish to not write any sins or tragedies of mine; but retrospecting with the hope that someone somewhere might learn a thing or two. :)

******************

So. a dear friend of mine, texted me saying she bought the ever famous "aku terima nikahnya" book. yes, the book that got every lovey-dovey couples to the world of singles :) *hoyeah* 

i read that book a few years back, but never finished it. because somehow it does not give me that "kick" that i wanted so bad in the gut. you know, that 'ade umph' feeling. or maybe because when i read that book i have already got the kick i wanted from another book, and had made that life-changing decision of mine. InsyaAllah i will recommend the book at the end of this post. :)

yes. i once fell into the world of lovey-dovey. thinking about it already spark different kinds of emotions inside of me. angry, sad, frustrated, you name it. those feelings are definitely aimed back at me. the young me who knew bits and pieces of this and that, but too oblivious to do what is right. like everyone, i wish to turn back that clock and undo all the mistakes i made, all the wrong words i said. but i guess everybody has their fair share of dark past that will haunt them and lead them to changes, right? like one of the sayings i love most;

"Blessed are the cracks, for they shall let in the light."

-Gruocho Marx-

so yes, i'm one with cracks, here and there. and this part of my life is one of the biggest crack i had. but insyaAllah it has let the largest amount of light in. no need to go into details but it was one of those things that involved so many people and it was serious too. i guess those things sort of masked the right thing that i should have done all along, which was to let things go. 

i pity my wherever-you-are-Mr Right who'll have me as his Miss Wifey, because i am not the sweet, innocent, gadis ayu, lesung pipit di pipi-type that every guy dreams of. as much as i hate to admit having these cracks, but they are what made me human.  they are the essence that made me an abid  (hamba) of Him. one who made mistakes and learn from them, leading us all back to the One Above. :*googly eyes*

************

some say, the longer the relationship is, the harder the breaking up will be. maybe. but i think these are all things that indoctrinate our minds from doing what is right. just like how we were poisoned with thoughts that relationship should always start with going out together, movies, saying i love you's, then after a few years you start to think about marriage..because thinking about marriage earlier on puts pressure, yadda yadda. all those things the teen magazines would cover on a monthly basis, really.

but that didn't happen to me. Alhamdulillah. for truly, all praises goes to Him, who kept this heart of mine with Him. letting go was easy. :) and here's where the book came into the story. a small book, which i took coincidently from a friend's room, just for some simple lazy reading, which lead me to making the decision with a wide smile on my face. it felt like a new beginning, really. a life with no strings attached; no strings to those ongoing sins (that i still pray that He Forgives to this very day) huhu. 

Nikmatnya Pacaran Setelah Pernikahan

so here's the book. i felt like sharing it again today (cause i think i did shared it once already). i cant help but smile everytime i read the title of the book. who would have thought, that a funny-titled book (that my big sister would always tease me about in her Indon dialect) would have given that little push that one needs in making the best of decisions.

so to those out there. i'm pretty sure that many have doubts of doing the right thing, despite knowing much about it. but you just dont have the strength to let things go; worried of your own feelings, worried of hurting others. but trust me, the best of feelings is knowing that Allah is keeping hold of it. and either it's happiness or sadness, only Allah is able to give that, no matter how hard you try to avoid them or seek them. 

sometimes, all we need is just a little push. 

mine was from this book. 

seek yours :) 

good luck and may Allah be with you.

a woman's heart

*will totally do this kind of photoshoot. pakai jubah. comel T,T*

bumped into this quote last month or so.

 "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God 

that a man has to seek Him just to find her." 

Max Lucado

beautifully said.

and to think that this quote was coming from a non-Muslim.

how can he not know Islam, yet is able to say such beautiful words?

how can he not know Islam, yet he's able to put us women on a very high pedestal?

it must be fitrah.

*****

the best of relationships;

is when Allah is watching over it.

from start till the very end.

and the best starting point is always istikharah kan?

prayers to all of you out there.

may you find your right ones;

through Him.

yours truly,

surprise surprise

by *TheSweetBlackMadness

Friday's sedekah : lots of smilesss ;) - me

5pm, Malaysia time.
at pintu dapur belakang,
kakak's house, Putrajaya.

suspects: Abah, Mama & Lin.

activity: menyorok kat pintu belakang rumah, waiting for kakak, abe ammar and baby to come home. they waited still for about an hour, despite a very long 8-hours drive from Kota Bharu, not even stopping for lunch, just because they wanted to eat the Kelantan-brought laksa with their kids. :)

at about 8am, Dublin time. i tried calling Abah. to make sure they have safely arrived. but my call was rejected at the 2nd ring. "reject yan call? ouh, koyak." =,='' dad texted though, kakak was not home yet. takut the phone call might distract him from the well-planned surprise. hehe

*********

sometimes you cant imagine parents doing this kind of things at their age. (read: indirectly cakap abah mama tua. mwahaha) not to mention this includes a very long drive from Kelate! i guess us kids doing this is quite normal. cute still, but nothing out of the ordinary. (read: our typical thing,  my legendary surprise, and abah's sweetest surprise for mama). but for them to make this kind of effort, it's priceless. 

i guess the frequent surprises we made for them, have rubbed into them. i have always told many of my friends, you cant expect your parents (or anyone for that matter) to start doing something, unless you yourself start it. some say it's very hard to say I Love You to your very serious dad. but not saying it at all won't make it any easier. some say it's totally embarrassing to hug your big brother in front of a crowd, well actually no one even cares if you hug your brother or not. and after a while, voila! you see them doing it back to you, and words can't even describe how happy you will be at that time. seriously ;)

**********

people have different ways of expressing their love though. so not doing all these doesn't mean that you don't love them. still, im just sharing my way of expressing love towards another. i think i call everyone of my friends 'sayang'. (though some say they were feeling kind of awkward at first, sorry for that.hehe). but that's just my weird 'token' of appreciation.

so my point is, sometimes it's a good thing to show your appreciation/love towards another literally. cuz without you knowing it, you might just make their day ;)

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda, maksudnya; “Manusia yang paling dikasihi Allah ialah orang yang  memberi manfaat kepada orang lain  dan amalan yang paling disukai oleh Allah ialah  menggembirakan hati orang-orang Islam  atau menghilangkan kesusahan daripadanya  atau menunaikan keperluan hidupnya di dunia  atau memberi makan orang yang lapar.  Perjalananku bersama saudaraku yang muslim untuk menunaikan hajatnya,  adalah lebih aku sukai daripada aku beriktikaf di dalam masjid ini selama sebulan,  dan sesiapa yang menahan kemarahannya sekalipun ia mampu untuk membalasnya  nescaya Allah akan memenuhi keredhaannya di dalam hatinya pada hari Qiamat,  dan sesiapa yang berjalan bersama-sama saudaranya yang Islam  untuk menunaikan hajat saudaranya itu hinggalah selesai hajatnya  nescaya Allah akan tetapkan kakinya (ketika melalui pada hari Qiamat)  dan sesungguhnya akhlak yang buruk akan merosakkan amalan  seperti cuka merosakkan madu.”   Riwayat Ibnu Abi Dunya

********

this is just a random post on a Friday. 

i miss my family so much right now. 

as of now, all of them are in Putrajaya *again*

ah..so jealous.

*****

yours truly,

have a blessed Friday peeps ;)