To Lean On

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

*snuggly..buggly..wuggly* :)

I have this amazing ability to contract all the right bugs whenever there is a change of season. And the time was perfect this time around too, as my fever started right on the first day of my big exams. I am a bit of a whiny person when it comes to being sick, i have no intention of being tough and buff and have always loved the extra attention (talk about tak cukup kasih sayang.hehe). If my friends made me porridge or something, i'd always go haruu (grateful). But anyways, as it was the exam time i couldn't really put any attention to my health really, and had to gobble up all the paracetamols that i could get my hands on. Alhamdulillah with Allah's help i survived the ordeals and now that the exams are over, i finally am able to give this body of mine the rest that it needs. 

And boy it really demands a lot. I guess i've been keeping it all in, that it finally breaks out. For the moment, the best thing i could do is lie in bed and keep my head still, cause it feels like bursting whenever i cough or move. I cant even do my sujood properly cause it throbs and will continue throbbing for a while. Lying in bed, my heart started to wander off to the comfort of home. If only i was this sick at home, mama would definitely make me her special bubur and hot milk, and abah would have brought me to the sink to wash my hair with cold water or something. 

You know, being taken care of. 
And this is where my mind starts to wander off some more..

I guess little did we realize that Allah didn't actually sent us alone in this world. Yes, we'd end up being alone in the end after the short trip in this Dunya, but the whole journey has always been with those who we can lean on. Through Allah's Will and Allah's Mercy, we were surrounded with our own set of 'angels'. We  were welcomed into this world being cared for and loved by our parents. We grew up having most of what we want if not all of it, and never ever having to pay them back. 

And then perhaps we have those period where we have to be away from the confinements of parents and families, but Allah replaced them with our friends around. Perhaps the extent of attention and care that we get is not as much as what we'd get from families, but it's enough to keep us happy. When we'd get encouragements from one another, or the occasional words of wisdom, or that relationship advices, and even those random desserts we made for one another once in a while.

Soon enough the next step comes, where we'd find our partners. I am nowhere near this step at the moment *peluh kecil* i should be worried huh? But it's always an amazing thing if we look at it carefully, having this sudden huge feeling of compassion to this random stranger who have just entered our lives. But Allah still plant that feeling into us and we'd ended up leaning on one another, caring for them more than ourselves. Well, that's how it should be anyway; when we enter a relationship to give, rather than to take.

And then life goes on as we'd get older, and Allah-Willing our children have enough sense in them to understand the responsibility of taking care of their parents as how Islam taught us to. We'd be leaning on them, as life starts to slip away from us little by little, until it's time for us to meet Him again.

So taking a step back, it's quite obvious how beautiful Allah planned our lives isn't it? For every step of the way, He has never really left us alone, there will always be someone who would be with us. someone who'd be worried if we're sick; someone who'd count days that they'd be able to meet us; someone who misses our voice, our laughs, our jokes; someone who'd think of us whenever they see something beautiful; someone who'd text us just to make sure we're not alone. Search within ourselves, there would always be people who we would sacrifice everything for. And that's beautiful in it's own way;

cause when we do feel that way towards others, 
there will always be those who felt the same way towards us. 
InsyaAllah. :)

And even if we feel like we don't have anyone in this world to lean on,
there is always Allah s.w.t; who would never leave us alone.
And we all know that He's the best that we could ever hoped for right?


اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ
Allah adalah Tuhan yang bergantung kepada-Nya segala sesuatu.


Note: pray for my speedy recovery pretty please? 
heading for clinic today, finally~yosh!
Jazakumullahu khayr.


Mind rant #21: Butterflies

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

I am not sure if it's either because we're in the akhir zaman, or because i'm studying Medicine; that i now know better than to say that 12 weeks is a "long way to go". Eversince i came back here to Dublin and started the first day of our rotation, we all have (me and my friends) acknowledged the fact that it will fly by, super duper fast.

So by tomorrow, Monday will come. And it's to prove to us UCDians (that's my college name by the way, in case you guys didn't know) that the week is finally here. Big exams are coming, especially for us in the 4th and final year. Them fourth year kids will be facing their first set of Medicine and Surgery (i shuddered at the memory..alhamdulillah for passing that one!) while we will be facing off with 4 days of exams, one after the other (you name it, OSCEs, MCQs, SAQs, essays, and long cases) for both Paediatrics and Obstetrics & Gynaecology. These exams do scare us to bits and pieces. Huhu.

And the x-ray explains it all, the jitters inside of us from the accumulating butterflies. And trust me, they are not flying away beautifully in there, more like drilling holes in our tummies or something. But anyways, experiences have taught us enough that Allah s.w.t is the only One who can bring us through all of these. Yes, our effort still counts, but it definitely calms my nerves down much more by knowing that in the end, it's mainly from the help and power of doa that actually pulled us through whatever the hardships that we faced in our lives.

Doa from parents, 
Doa from families,
Doa from friends,
Doa from your sweet teachers,
and the Doa of some awesome anonymous peeps out there. :)

So i am writing this post to really humbly and sincerely ask you guys, anyone who's reading this, to make a little special doa for me and my friends and juniors, that we'd be passing our exams beautifully by the end of the week, insyaAllah. Extra doa are always welcomed! :)

Jazakumullahu khairan kathira. 
Only Allah is able to repay you, insyaAllah. :)

To the One watching us from above;
Permudahkan urusan kami, ya Allah.
Permudahkan urusan kami, ya Allah.
Permudahkan urusan kami, ya Allah.
 Aamiin ya Rabb.

"Bila kamu tak tahan lelahnya belajar,
Maka kamu akan menanggung peritnya kebodohan."
[imam Syafie]

Pedas sih? :)
....and a perfect picture to end this all...
Heh. *peace*



Gotcha Thinking

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

"little flower, can we be fwens?" kata baby-chunky-omaigod-nak-gigit.

“Tidaklah seseorang berfikir dalam waktu yang lama 
kecuali dia akan memahami 
dan seseorang tidak memahami sesuatu sama sekali 
kecuali dia pasti mengamalkannya" 



                                       Mr D  : so you have to kill the pig in a certain way then?
                                       Me     : oh, bacon is an absolute no-no.
                                       Mr D  : so you're saying you can't have any of these, at all?
                                                 (While he's gesturing at the food on his plate)
                                       Me     : nope.
                                       Mr D  : i didn't know bacon was a no-no.
                                                (and he patted me 'sympathetically' on the back)
                                       Me     : (aish.. =_=" i think i should be the one who's sympathizing)
                                                (the rest of the girls just laughed)
                                       Mr D  : but why?

I was in my Gynaecology rotation, and we were in theatres the whole morning before the Consultant finally let us off for a break. Mr D, my partner in crime, was extra hungry so he bought himself his morning plate of bacons, and he paid for my bowl of fruits. And i guess because of the difference in the food that we're eating he suddenly brought up the topic of halal food;

"Is there such a thing as halal pudding?"

In which i rambled a bit about non alcoholic stuff, and things like gelatin, and one of the girls asked me about Ramadhan and i talk a bit about that, and then the above conversation took place. So what was my answer? And how would you have answered it?

Being born into a Malay Muslim family and having spent most of my life growing up in a heavily-Muslim-populated country (i darenot say that it is a Muslim country just yet, huhu), one cannot deny that we all don't actually understand the faith that we say we believe in. We basically do whatever our parents, our teachers or the society tell us to do, and we would avoid doing whatever it is that is out of the norms. We all grew up accepting the fact that we have to pray 5 times a day, we have to fast during Ramadhan, we have to wear hijab (for the ladies), we have to do good, we can't touch dogs, we can't drink alcohol and we can't eat pigs. Heck, with what i've listed i may have just described what most of us back home defined Islam as. Astaghfirullah.

But the question remains, do we understand why?

And this is sadly the reality, where the source of all the jahilliyah are coming from; when most of us don't even understand the reasons behind our ibadah, our acts of faith. So how can we expect someone to pray 5 times a day, when they don't even know why they are praying? How can we expect some girl to wear her hijab after she finished her schooling days, when she doesn't even understand the reason behind the protection Allah wants to give women? How can we expect someone to not drink alcohol, when all their friends are, and they don't see what harms it brings? And how can we expect a girl to not sleep with her boyfriend, when all the shows on TV are showing that they're normal mistakes people do in that transition to adulthood? Astaghfirullah wa naudzubillah. May Allah protect us all. But what i'm getting to is that it all started at one crucial point;

When we became Muslims, 
just because others around us are Muslims.

Alhamdulillah for the opportunities that Allah has given me to be in a place where Muslims are scarce. Hence, the weird and wonderful questions are always coming my way. Why are you praying? What do you say in your prayers? Why do you wear the hijab? Why would you miss your lunch rather than skip your prayers? Why do you have to take your wudhu (ablution) before your prayers? Why can't you touch another men or women? Why can't you drink alcohol? Why can't you eat those chicken sandwiches? And the list goes on.

To be frank, they are all simple questions. They are just asking us things that we do on a daily basis. So isn't it weird, that we cannot really explain why we are doing the everyday things that we do?  And as simple as it is, it definitely got me thinking deep; especially when i find myself at a loss for words for why am i doing the things that i am doing, and why am i avoiding the things that i am avoiding. 

And i think none of us are exempted from making this mistake. Perhaps we're now so used to following what the society does, to do things rather blindly, that we don't even find the time to dwell a little bit deeper into our ad-Deen. And one might even say that Allah Knows better, and we just have to do whatever Allah wants us to do; i'd agree to that too definitely. but that is only the starting point. because for whatever that Muslims are obliged to do and avoid, we all have to believe that there will always be hikmah (reasons) behind them; and while keeping that in mind, it would definitely be better if we actually go a bit further and think a little bit deeper with what and why we are doing them. because then we'd be able to find all the more beautiful reasons behind our acts of faith, and why Islam is beautiful as our way of life, and insyaAllah it will make us more istiqamah (steadfast) in what we are doing. And isn't it one of the many paths to Jannah? 

So as much as his questions got me thinking a little bit deeper,
I hope it gotcha thinking too. 


Nota kaki:
my answer to Mr D? we all somewhat knew about how piggies eat their own poops and the so many different types of worms living in them, (i think i found an article or two about them and videos of coke and piggy meat..*shudders*) but i couldn't really spill all of that info to his face while he's enjoying them can i? So i opt for a simpler answer instead; 

"i think there are some scientific reasons out there which i dont really know much about. 
But to me it's just an act of faith, or a test of faith. 
How much are you willing to avoid the things that you are told to avoid, out of faith." 

Hehe, a bit of a philosophical answer and i'm not sure if they understood it. But oh well, it's what i believe in anyway.

Salam :)

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