Flowery Feelings :)


phone conversation;

Kakak: abah, kakak depan rumah dah ni.
abah: huh? depan rumah? (and he literally went to the window to peek.) *my heart breaks.huhu~*
kakak: depan rumah kakak la.hehe~

conversation in the kitchen;

mama: yan, kalau kita drive je pegi tak boleh ke?
me: drive kl? adoi jauh mama. letih nanti.
mama: kalau 2 jam mama gi everyday tengok anak-anak mama.  *ugh..kill me already~*


gah.. it breaks my heart that abah and mama miss them so much. and me and lin can only act as professional as we could, going along with their flow. being sympathetic all the time, throwing the right words; but stealing winks and evil glints from behind. heheh. 

alhamdulillah, it started with kak ita's lovely surprise to abe; buying him tickets for kelantan for his birthday. hehe. that got abe googly-eyed for sure. love you kak ita for starting all this!

because surely kakak couldn't stop herself from planning to come back too. what with Airaa's birthday coming up soon. the best possible way is to have kakak, abe Ammar and Boolat Airaa here with us, kan? :)

so now, only 2 days away before their coming-back; all five of them, though abe is a little bit later than kakak. all plans are in place now, alhamdulillah. so with His Will, i pray that all these surprises work their wonders, and fill abah and mama's hearts, in the best possible way. 

hoping our little effort to make them happy,
would give them their much-deserved flowery feelings. 
Aamiin :)

and here's a hadith to ponder on;

‘Abd Allah ibn ‘Amr radhiallahu 'anh menerangkan bahawa seorang lelaki datang kepada Nabi shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dan berkata:
“Sesungguhnya aku datang untuk memberi janji taat setia (bai‘ah) kepada engkau untuk berhijrah, akan tetapi aku meninggalkan kedua orang tuaku dalam keadaan menangis.” 
Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam berkata kepadanya:
“Kembalilah kepada mereka berdua dan jadikanlah mereka berdua ketawa (gembirakanlah mereka) sebagaimana kamu jadikan mereka menangis.
[Sahih: al-Nasa'i]

ps: and here's a good read for hadiths related to parents :) may it benefit.

pps: if i write 'surprises' in the search box, i bet there'd be a whole bunch of  entries for the surprises we've made. hehe :)  i might have to keep them in track now. but one thing for sure, they always work wonders :) have a go yourself! make our parents happy~ Redha Allah terletak pada redha ibubapa kan? salam :)



[ i cant find the link to this picture. =,='']

melihat mereka yang membuka keburukan orang lain. i don't deny the wrong things done. and i do agree that we have to tell them that it's wrong. but aren't there a whole bunch of other ways that won't involve us embarrassing others? or 'bad-mouthing' others? even if it's meant as a teguran, does it have to be done publicly? dig deep people. are we so desperate that we can't just find any other means to do so? but husnuzon (bersangka baik) it is. it's just a teguran, insyaAllah.

when people often use the excuse that we meant good (read: niat yang baik), or it's for their best interest, when we choose to do some things that doesn't seem quite right? must we all be reminded over and over again, that good intentions can never really be an excuse for wrongdoings? (read: niat tak menghalalkan cara?)

melihat budaya orang Melayu. sopan hanya bertempat. rendah diri hanya bertempat. sabar hanya bertempat. we can see these on the streets. i saw a car trying to join the moving traffic the other day, yet nobody stops to give him way, despite the traffic-light ahead showing a bright Red Light.
i saw a woman who was busy packing food, entertaining the whole bunch of customers, melimpah-ruah so they say; and when we asked a question politely, all she did was respond in annoyance, with a look of "can't you see i'm busy?". ouch.

and this is only an inkling of all the weird things i saw, heard or read. but i guess all these Pelik(s) will always be around us, because it signifies the weaknesses that we have within ourselves. so it's not totally wrong to have them. it just means that we have to work hard on changing ourselves for the better. and as for 'this' society that we're living in, it'll take hard work to change it. but we can always start with ourselves. :)

but looking from another perspective, being Pelik is not so bad after all. so let's change from being the above kind of Pelik, to the one mentioned in this hadith, insyaAllah. :)

 بدأ الإسلام غريبًا، وسيعود غريبًا كما بدأ، فَطُوبي للغرباء

"Islam began as something strange and it will return strange as it began, 
so glad tidings for the strangers"
[Sahih Muslim]

Yours truly,
just another Pelik being,
trying hard to be the better 'stranger'. :)


mind rant 7#

bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim

1. Mercy
in those moments, that we are praying. dahi bertemu sejadah. in those moments, where the world outside is still; can we feel it? His Mercy upon our shoulders?

never let those Qiam be just another ritual. especially in this holy Month. feel it in our hearts; His Mercy for waking us up. His Mercy for taking away that sleepiness. His Mercy for choosing us, putting us among those who prostate to Him in those hours. 
Alhamdulillah. memang takkan pernah cukup kan?

2. Humble
Sultan Kelate came to the mosque today, joining the tarawikh. i didn't know, only realizing it when suddenly the huge TV at the Muslimah side was suddenly switched on. we waited for a while, filling it with ayatul Quran. when he arrived, i caught a glimpse of the jubah-clad sultan and his kopiah. i cant help but smiled. :) *then the TV was switched off.*

hebatnya, bila hati disentuh Allah. everyone can tell that he's one of a kind. with the upbringing, with the society we are living in, one would surely feel a little bit high and mighty above others. susah. memang susah nak turun ke bawah, bila diangkat ke atas. and for him to leave things behind, is a huge achievement. prayers kepada Sultan. prayers kepada semua pemimpin. semoga semua bertambah baik. insyaAllah :)

3. Hati
aahh..that seketul daging again. words formed in my head today about this seketul daging.

No matter how hard i guard it;
no matter how strong i think i have turned it into,
making promises to others that this little one is different than others;

this little Heart can never lie to the one who owns it,
for there will always be that soft spot;
which tear so easily, and so subtly;
that when it does, you can never do much about it,
you're hurt. no rewinding. you're just hurt.

but it's okay, because that soft spot heals easily too,
only and only if it seeks the right Healer, the one Who Heals All - Allah s.w.t;
so i guess all is well. as always. have faith.

4. Ni'mat
lingered a bit longer tonight in abah-mama's room when i was saying goodnight. so i squeezed into their bed for a  while. complying to whatever it is they want. kejap urut tangan mama. then urut tangan abah. then kene garu belakang abah. then gosok kaki mama. then abah suruh urut bahu abah tersalah urat, which i did carelessly, acting up as a thai masseuse from hatyai with very thick accent. that got them smiling, despite the very bad massage i gave :)

kissed them on the cheeks, switched off the lamps, said my salam, and locked the door behind me. Alhamdulillah, for another day that Allah allows me to have them. thoughts flew back to a few nights back. when on the 1st Ramadhan, my junior lost her father. few days later, another junior lost her mother. Allahu Allah. kuatkan mereka. for i cannot imagine if i were to face the same fate. but that's Qada and Qadar. What He Wills, will happen eventually, and nobody can stop it. so do what we do best, make the best out of the time we have, lillahi taala. insyaAllah :')

5. Perfection
"what can we offer to others?" a question popped.
" effort; to give. to not expect. all the while to strive for His Redha. InsyaAllah."
is that a perfect answer? wallahua'lam. it's perfect for me.

semoga kita semua dijemput malam ni.
selamat berQiam. selamat berTahajjud. selamat bersahur.


30 days


i typed 'Ramadhan' in my search box, and ended up reading old posts i made about Ramadhan. some made me chuckle, but most made me think. a wave of gratitude fills in, for the reminders He Made me write, to remind my own self, most definitely. and anyone who bumps into this small blog.

reading back those posts coming from different years, i wondered have i changed much? to be the person i wish to be when i was writing them. wallahua'lam. i pray i have. :)


Ramadhan is special, even when it's standing on its own. the doors of the Heavens are opened. Lailatul Qadr is in it. the Devils are off-duty. infinite bounties are up for grabs. the rewards are multiplied only Allah-Knows how much. Barakah is everywhere; alhamdulillah.

but this month can only be special to us, if we make it as one. it will always be called, syahrul Quran, syahrul Ibadat, and the so many different names it is. but it can only truly be one, if we make it as one.

syahrul Quran, when we make ourselves really close to Quran, with all the tadarrus and tadabbur.
syahrul i'badah; when we fill this month with all those i'badah that we know of.


a thought struck me a few hours back, which somewhat becomes another solid proof of Allah's Greatness. remember the ever-famous tip in changing habits? it was said that it takes about 28 days for one to change their habit. which made me thought of Ramadhan. every year we see or hear people telling stories about the changes that they have made in the month of Ramadhan. some stopped smoking, some wear the hijab, some perform prayers on time etc. so i guess ultimately, it's up to us to decide on the things we want to change; the effort that we will put to change, and insyaAllah, this 30 days (if i'm not mistaken) will work wonders.

we have 30 days of barakah.
we have 30 days of syaitonirrojim-free zone.
we have 30 days of doa-doa yang dimakbulkan.
and one very special night. :)

so i pray that you and i are able to make all the changes that we wish for, to make us a better Muslim, fi dunya and most definitely fil akhirah. and i pray that the changes that take place will lead us to be among those muttaqeen, mu'mineen, muhsineen and mukhliseen; those who are promised a place in Jannah.

insyaAllah. :)

“O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed upon you as it has been prescribed upon those before you, so that you may attain taqwa.”

Narrated Sahl: The Prophet said,
“There is a gate in Paradise called Ar-Raiyan, and those who observe fasts will enter through it on the Day of Resurrection and none except them will enter through it. It will be said, ‘Where are those who used to observe fasts?’ They will get up, and none except them will enter through it. After their entry the gate will be closed and nobody will enter through it.”

Salam Ramadhan Kareem 1433H
Forgive me for all my wrongdoings J

only hours left till our first tarawikh.
Surau Al-Mardhiah Kg Demit, masjid telipot, let's date! heheh. 


The Weird Question

we were on our way back to Putrajaya, after spending the weekend at Abe's house in Shah Alam. i think Boolat Airaa had her fun with her favourite uncle, Ayah Ngah. :) and Kakak asked me a random thing like she always does;

kakak: yan, yan sayang Rara tak?
me: tak. (in my most serious tone ever. yes, sarcasm intended)
kakak: yan sayang dia macam mana eh? macam adik yan ke? macam sayang cousin ke?
me: hm, i'm not sure la kakak..

and my thoughts swirled around that question,
whilst Airaa was sleeping soundlessly and cutely in her car seat behind.


i've spent the last 5 days with my kakak and her baby, as my bro-in-law is currently away with his work. jumping up to the offer to come here to be with my first niece, considering i only spent time with her on her first 30 days, during last year's Ramadhan before heading back to Dublin. and i only watched her becoming more Boolat via whatsapp videos that my Abe religiously sent me time and time again. so this is an offer i couldn't miss.

the last time i slept with kakak and baby, was during the first month of Airaa's birth; when Abe Ammar has to come back to Putrajaya for his work. back then, at night time, i'd be woken up by Airaa's cries. i'd try to not wake kakak up, and give the bottled milk kakak has prepared. but if Airaa keeps on crying, kakak would feed her instead. and during those nights (and even days) i saw how kakak was in pain all the time because of the surgery (she had caeserean birth). she couldn't even sit up straight, and yet, she still did everything to keep Airaa full and happy. :)

and almost a year later, i get to sleep with the two of them again. the baby is bigger this time though ;) and like old times, i was woken up in the middle of the night with Airaa's moaning as she was stirring from her sleep. then i saw kakak, and realized how awkward kakak's sleeping position was. uncomfortable, i must say. and i wondered how could she sleep that way. and it was all done so that Airaa could feed properly. when Airaa moaned again, i tried to pat her gently, when kakak suddenly said, "takpe yan. tidur je. i got it." as expected, kakak was not even sleeping. *sigh*


thoughts poured in as i tried to sleep again. the love of a mother; and the things that they would do. and this is only the smallest of things. i watched how busy she is during the 5 days. but kakak never complains. because she loves it. she's doing everything for her little girl. i don't know, but that just gets to me.

and i can only imagine what Abah and Mama had gone through raising the four of us. the many different things they must have sacrificed, the things they willingly have gone through, and still are. i can't count, for i don't even know. and the same goes out to all Ayah, Ibu, Abi, Ummi, Daddy, Papa, Mummy out there. think of the things they are willing to do for us. subhanallah.

yes, the praises go back to Him. the One who plant Love in those hearts. without Love, one can never do much to another. at least, that is what i believe in. when you love someone, you'd do anything for them really. that's a given.


If love comes with the amount of days that you spent with someone, then i guess i won't love my little niece, huh? 30 days (when she was born last year) + 5 days (when i came back last June) + 5 days of babysitting.

40 days with someone, will that make you love them? maybe. i don't know, but i'm guessing it won't. but subhanallah. there isn't really a word to describe how much i love this new addition to the family.

this little girl that i've only watch in videos for the past 10 months.
this little girl who smiled so wide, it makes you smile just thinking about her.
this little girl who kisses you with her mouth open, smudging every inch of your face with her saliva.
this little girl who would stop crying by just saying the word "bird".
this little girl who came to lie so close next to me in the middle of the night, 
and i caught her staring at her Aunty Chik. (her cuteness kills me)

so back to Kakak's weird question:

"yan sayang Airaa tak? sayang macam mana?"

yes, kakak. i do love this baby girl.
i love this baby girl. not like how i love my sister, nor like how i love my cousin.
i don't love her just because she's my niece. not because she's yours. not because she's blood-related.
i just love her. because i guess it's just one of those feelings Allah put in our hearts.
and like everybody else, i think we all love her, with every little thing that she did.

she's just my niece. yet, she's already making my heart flutter all the time.
i cant imagine how parents would feel. :)


okay. i end this very long ramble with a prayer :)
may Allah grant us all with wudda (kasih sayang);

“Sesungguhnya orang-orang beriman dan beramal soleh,

kelak Allah yang maha pemurah akan menanamkan dalam hati mereka kasih sayang.”



little angel's weird sleeping position. :)

Boolat's different expressions ;)

a day with Aunty Chik. Rara playing with her toys under the watchful eyes of mr Owl :)
Boolat's day with Aunty Chik: baru siap mandi ;)

1. Ibu's and Boolat's carbonara. 2. she's offering Ayah Ngah her baby bites. *this rarely happens*
3. abe + kakak + me, at our usual spot since years back. now we're here again, with a little girl tagging along. :)

car rides with Aunty Chik :)

ps: might be my last night sleeping with her this year. sobs. night world. salam :)
pps: kasih sayang; it's a really mysterious thing :P


mind rant 6#

forgive me. for i am up and about for some random updates and muhasabah :)


1. my only Che
she's 80 something now. and like all the elders out there, they are known to be childish at times. i've lived with arwah Che Abah for many years. so i guess us children have a little more extra tricks up our sleeves on how to entertain them. anyways, so i've been meaning to recite the Quran with her again. (my summer thing). alhamdulillah, Allah gave the chance again this year. don't know why, but her random comments on my recitation always stick. it started eversince i was in my highschool. it's been 9 years since. as i was reciting, with my other hand massaging her legs; she really looked as if she was deep asleep. but as suddenly! (in quite a creepy way, haha) she would comment on my recitation. and this year's chosen comment is (drum roll): my 'Ro' is not 'deep' enough. too soft. hehe. ok Che. i'll keep that in mind insyaAllah :)

random reflection: one day, biidznillah, our parents will get old. and that's when they'll become dependent on us. some sees it as a burden. having to care for this and that. not to mention their constant complaints etc. but Abah + Mama have always reminded us differently. and among all those reminders, there's one i love most:

"when your parents are gone,
it's not that you no longer have responsibilities upon your shoulder;
but you no longer have the chance to take care of them.
you no longer have the opportunities to gain 'pahala' for doing your best to them."


2. Opportunities
remember i posted a video of a project we did way back then. well, after friends suggested, i posted it in a competition called Pertandingan Video Ummah. click the link and check out all the cool videos. anyhow, due to the exams and the hectic schedules, it slipped my mind. but the other day i checked my email, and Alhamdulillah, Allah Decided to give us more than what we bargained for. it won the first place :)

peluang beramal dibuka lagi.
truly, all Praises go back to Him.
ayuuuh Fastabiqul Khairat! :)


3. A Blessed Day
7th July 2012; marked the day when my facebook newsfeed is filled with pictures of weddings. seriously, i'd say there's more than 10. a slight tinge of jealousy creeps in. fuh fuh~ then later today, something hit me. i've been weak; a typical human being, one who would always look at others who have things i don't.

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a. katanya Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda:
“Lihatlah kepada orang yang lebih rendah daripada kamu 
dan janganlah melihat kepada orang yang lebih tinggi daripada kamu. 
Itu lebih baik supaya kamu tidak memperlekeh ni’mat yang diberikan Allah s.w.t. kepada kamu."
[hadith Bukhari & Muslim]

haih. kalut being jealous upon seeing others finding new ones to love, whereas the question remains if i have loved the ones i have enough? so due to the guilt burning inside me because of my shallow thoughts, i decided to be happy (with no more tinge of jealousy) for all the beautiful couples, praying their marriage will be blessed with sakinah, mawaddah wa rahmah. aaand to focus on making my loved ones happy. ...starting off with baking mama's favourite cake.

carrot cake. and yes, it doesn't look tempting nor delicious.
but may i remind you, that one should never judge a cake by its look. thank you. :P

and i'm waiting for Abah to come home and hopefully do something special as well before i left for KL again :) 

and here's another reminder to slap me back to reality =,=''

كَيۡلَا تَأۡسَوۡاْ عَلَىٰ مَا فَاتَكُمۡ وَلَا تَفۡرَحُواْ بِمَآ ءَاتَٮٰڪُمۡ‌ۗ 
وَٱللَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخۡتَالٍ۬ فَخُورٍ
"(Kamu diberitahu tentang itu) supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu dan tidak pula bergembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong takbur, lagi membanggakan diri."


ps: praying He Ease things. for the heart is weak at times. thinking of things i shouldn't. astaghfirullah. :(


Sabrun Jameel


these two words crept out of me a number of times when i was travelling back home to Malaysia a few weeks back. just randomly to ease some tense situations we were in. but i always thought it meant "sabar itu cantik". turns out it's not.

"What is it, and what is the difference between it and the common sabr?
The Ulamaa say that the Sabr al-Jameel,
is that which does not contain complaint or grumble.
So the person is patient without complaining."
-source: here-

فَصَبۡرٌ۬ جَمِيلٌ۬
Maka kesabaran yang baik itulah [kesabaranku].
[Yusuf: 18 & 83]


we took a cab that morning for our ride to Dublin Airport. none of us had any cash with us. there was no choice, we just have to carry on. we planned: nearing the airport, we'd tell the taxi driver with very googly eyes that we don't have any cash with us, to say sorry countless times if he's annoyed, and ask him to wait a bit while Pika would run into the building cause she knows exactly where the ATM machine is. and me and Shira (Pika's sister) would stall the driver and grab our bag slowly, to kill time with the whole taking-the-bags-out. well that was the plan.

and what really did happened was;
we told him, which he unexpectedly answered: "Yup, no problem girls" with his most Irish accent. and Pika ran out into the building. but the taxi driver took out all the heavy bags rather swiftly and quickly. and so it was a slightly long wait. but what amazes me was; the taxi driver showed no signs of being bothered at all. he went inside his cab for a while. read the newspaper. then cleaned the taxi up a bit. went to a bin quite far away to throw away all the rubbish. and walked back calmly as Pika made her way back. we apologized again, and i left with a huge smile on my heart.

Abu Dhabi.
so we had our transit here. 7 hours of waiting. and finally at 2 a.m, the gate was opened. we were lining up in a rather short queue; when suddenly a Pak Arab came with 4 jubah-clad ladies with niqab. and they just skipped the queue, suddenly going to the front of us. we were too happy to go home that we didn't even bothered about them really. but, now that i think of it again, i can't help but wonder "why did they do it?. *sigh*

we reached KLIA. as the plane landed, supposedly we are not allowed to even leave our seats yet. so i think one of the Arabs did, as the stewardess up front were saying "excuse me sir, you have to sit down." but guess what happened? most of them stood up and even walked down the aisle, and pretended to not listen to the stewardess who was just right beside them. i was too embarrassed to even look. i just wish non-Muslims in the flight aren't there, but i know it's just wishful thinking. plain rude. all respect lost.

and Malaysia?
definitely less so than the Arabs i met. but not quiet there yet like the Irish.


and thus the questions; 
why is it so hard for us to be patient (sabar)
when we have al-Quran in our hands?
and why is it non-believers are able to be patient (sabar)
when they don't even have True Faith?

and that's just the common Sabr.
not yet Sabrun Jameel.
where Sabar is not just in the actions, but in the suppressed words; the calm Heart.

to me, i believe that sabar is tranquility. it saves so much energy really.
i end this post with a prayer; 
may He grant us all Sabrun Jameel;
Aamiin ya Rabb.

ps: and yes.
Good Things Come to Those Who Wait.
InsyaAllah. :)


Uncle Taxi


the day we came back home to Kelantan, the flight was delayed, so we left KLIA an hour later than the scheduled time.  so not to burden anyone back home, we took a cab back. when the cab came, a little girl came out of it, heading into the airport building. she was about 12 years old, small skinny and specky. (looks like me when i was little. heh)

but after stuffing the huge bags into the back of the cab, i've forgotten all about the girl. i was taking in the sight of Kelate at night; the shops, the people, the pokok-pokok kelapa (coconut trees); when Abah broke off the silence and talked to Uncle Taxi.

the conversation lead to the girl i saw just now. it turns out she was his daughter, only coming back from her night class (kelas tambahan kot) at school. i felt a little tug in my heart. an insight of another's life. a little girl, who has to wait after class, for her dad to work, before going back home. and it was already 10pm. i looked at my sister. and remembered my own days when i was in school. when we were picked up from school, from night classes etc. every single day. no waiting whatsoever. astaghfirullah; for the things taken for granted. =,=''

then Uncle Taxi added "tok ghok nak hantar tuisyen." (read: i can't afford to send her to tuition). okay, the tug somehow becomes a kick now. i was caught off-guard, listening to that sentence. Abah managed to give him some comforting words which i didn't register. 

silence again.

abah broke it off again. asking about his other children. but his answers calmed me down this time. the first one is in Australia, same age as me. the second one is waiting to head off to New Zealand. and the others are all in school.


somehow that was the word that came first in my head. i was composed enough to chimed in the conversation. asking about their schools etc. and i found out i had one thing in common with his son: we left our boarding schools in Form 1. *heh*

we said our goodbyes and salam. later on, i found out mama and abah felt the exact same thing like i did. :)


Barakah; blessings from Allah.
it was only a 15 minutes drive,
but you reminded me so much of His Blessings.
so thank you Uncle Taxi.

may Allah Bless you and your family.
may Allah Bless me and my family.
may Allah bless everyone and their family.
Aamiin ya Rabb.

"When Allah Closes one door, He Opens another. "
insyaAllah :)

random note:
did you know that tawadhu' is the opposite to takabbur?
and that when one feels he is tawadhu', he's actually takabbur.
astaghfirullah. =,=''

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