tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195466761973398202024-03-13T15:01:13.451+00:00theChocolateLoverizyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.comBlogger363125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-18624755864318582032019-08-16T10:36:00.003+01:002019-08-16T10:36:46.598+01:00Rushed<div style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: medium;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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<a href="https://www.alkauthar.com.my/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/solat-tahajud-1157x800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="553" data-original-width="800" height="442" src="https://www.alkauthar.com.my/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/solat-tahajud-1157x800.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.alkauthar.com.my/solat-tahajud-panduan-lengkap-untuk-kekuatan-rohani/" style="font-size: x-small;" target="_blank">*image link*</a></div>
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another year passed since my last entry. i guess i've been trying to write for the longest of time, but never really had the chance to do so. so many things have happened and so many thoughts lingered that i wished i did pen down in here, but i didn't. sometimes (and very occasionally) i go through my old writings and find myself feeling glad that i put some of the things in my life in words. because, as much as i knew even back then, that what i wrote will eventually help or pushed my future self, or most importantly reminded me that, yes Yan, you went through that, Allah was with you all along. :) so here's to hoping for more writings and more reflections in the future. </div>
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Time. i was reminded of how life is feeling like a race nowadays during my solat the other day. as i finished praying, still on my <i>sajadah</i>, i realized how poorly i've been praying lately. to think that you're entering your 30s and slowly realizing how your quality as an <i>a'bid </i>is actually declining with age. sounds bad huh? </div>
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supposedly, our life should be structured around our daily prayers. 5 times a day, and Allah placed them at the best time for us. but yet, as much as i hate to admit it, i found myself doing the opposite. my solat became rushed, because my mind is in a rush. Subuh time, you're thinking about going to work. Zuhur is always rushed in between seeing the never-ending patients at the clinic. When Asar comes, it's usually late in the evening when you reached home. Your thoughts are about making dinner at Maghrib, and Isya usually involves doing some extra work or planning for the day after, or just basically feeling totally spent for the day. and yes guys, i don't even have kids yet. i can only imagine the things other people have to fit in between those hours.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">On that sajadah i felt;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">sad.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">guilty.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">anger perhaps.</span></div>
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but then again, are these reasons enough for us to stray away from what and how our solat should be?</div>
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Definitely not.</div>
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so as hectic as our days can be, we have to always strive to do better. as much as i'm ashamed to write about my quality of solat, i am also very happy that Allah still reminds this very-much-lacking <i>hamba</i> that <i>'hey your solat is not that good now'!</i>. and the answer also goes back to attaining <i>khusyu</i>' in solat. so many tips out there one can find. it's just a matter of doing it, and being <i>istiqamah </i>in doing them as well. may Allah helps us to not be rushed in our solat, but rushing towards standing before Him instead. insyaAllah. </div>
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May Allah guide me and everyone around me.</div>
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ending my entry with one of the strongest tips for a better <i>solat</i>:</div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: large;">“Remember death when you pray, for if a man remembers death when he prays, he will strive to make his prayer good. Pray the prayer of a man who does not think that he will ever pray another prayer, and beware of any matter that may require you to offer an apology.”</span></div>
izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-52525035911848992192018-05-05T06:01:00.000+01:002018-05-05T13:26:02.276+01:00Our Beloved<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF5i8bwe7qOUO9UoSAKgASaycGRYnglpAtqvsq-nuV2TXZo8vCoA1JvrWYBDPi4aUXZUc2dj2JJtzVp7AD54BXa8HTZCv4qkGmMqcExraZxolrOtDVsvBtXU9TzNhaZbY19EzqDeU2A4c/s1600/abah+Kama.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="707" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF5i8bwe7qOUO9UoSAKgASaycGRYnglpAtqvsq-nuV2TXZo8vCoA1JvrWYBDPi4aUXZUc2dj2JJtzVp7AD54BXa8HTZCv4qkGmMqcExraZxolrOtDVsvBtXU9TzNhaZbY19EzqDeU2A4c/s400/abah+Kama.JPG" width="176" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Allahyarham Kamaruzaman bin Mariam</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">11.11.1961 - 16.4.2018</span></div>
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When my father in law fell sick and changed from a healthy fit guy into a bedridden parent in an instant, i thought this is how Allah is going to test us all as a family. And i started writing down some entries in Coping, thinking how this is going to be a long journey ahead of us. i thought of putting into words some of the memories in this hidey-hole.</div>
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The first month was spent in the hospital. juggling time to and fro the hospitals mainly. the next month came by and it was all about preparing for abahKama's coming home. and once he was home, days passed again as we were focusing on his needs. and things were slowly settling down by the third month as we were slowly coping with fulfilling our family's needs along with our needs too.</div>
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as for abahKama, he was slowly and steadily doing well. he tried his best mouthing some words when communicating, he understood most of what we tell him, he could smile and laugh awkwardly at my sister's jokes. he did small exercises with Ma. he could move most of the time, despite not really fully within his control. but we saw progress. and all the family members were coping well with taking care of abah: changing diapers, feeding milk via the tube, cleaning his tracheostomy etc. and me and Aizzat were coping in our own way, with Aizzat filling his time with extra working hours whenever he can to support the family.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">We were doing well. Abah was doing well.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">and we plan. but Allah is the best planner of all.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">as 16th of April 2018 came.</span></div>
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I came home from work to an empty house as usual, as Aizzat was on his PM shift that would finish at 10pm. I was lazying around as Maghrib entered, when Aizzat called me saying we're heading home to Pasir Mas. "abah's having seizures."</div>
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We both didn't panic. my first thought was this is a complication for a stroke patient. it's bound to happen. maybe he had some small seizures and Aizzat said Ma had called the ambulance already. we packed swiftly and all i could think of in the car was "okay maybe a night or two in the hospital. I just hoped Abah's condition is not worsened by it." And Aizzat was pretty much thinking of the same thing too. We were calm doctors as opposed to panic-stricken daughter/son. </div>
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then the phone call.</div>
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"yan, abah takdok dah." Ma said.</div>
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i didn't comprehend. did i hear wrong? but i started crying and sobbing istighfar as the words sink in.</div>
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which was the worst way for Aizzat to learn that his beloved father had passed away. Aizzat was asking in sobs "kenapa sayang? kenapa sayang?" :(</div>
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we cried the whole way back to Pasir Mas. picking up aizzat's sister from UiTM along the way. but once we were home, nobody shed tears. we were doing our best to handle the funeral. which was all new to us. families including my parents came by to help us alhamdulillah.</div>
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Abah passed away in the ambulance, on his way to the hospital. we brought him home later that night after settling some paper work. we took turns reciting the Quran beside him until morning came. everybody looked spent. i watch my husband and all my in laws. and saw how strong they were in handling everything. no one cried.</div>
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until it was time to say our final goodbyes. each of us went to kiss his cold cheeks and forehead. abah looked good. handsome we'd all say. something that made us felt a little better from our broken hearts that day. </div>
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Semoga roh abah ditempatkan bersama orang-orang beriman. ameen ameen ya Rabb.</div>
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how do we handle losing our loved ones? there is no right way for us to do it actually. it's just something we don't want to think about let alone plan for it. but when it happens, we go through it. no matter how hard it is, we pray that Allah guide us through it. because Allah already wills it to happen. Abah's passing will always leave a hole in our hearts. and grief is nothing but a roller coaster ride. where we would smile and laugh at one moment, and find ourselves crying in our doa missing him at the next. but being Muslims, we take comfort knowing that he is still there, just in another phase of life. we'll all be there too one day. but for now, doa is the only thing that could reach him. so keeping him in our daily prayers is the only way to move forward.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Abah,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">we bear witness that you have been a great father to us, a great husband to Ma.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">one who would always smile and giggle to brighten up anyone's mood</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">one who never stopped working even when you were not feeling well</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">one who treat friends and families with so much respect</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">you've worked so hard all your life, abah </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">and it's time for you to have your rest alongside our Creator now, insyaAllah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">we'll take care of your little girls and Ma as best as we can Abah,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">we both promise you that. :')</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">till we all meet again in Jannah Abah, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">biidznillah wa insyaAllah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">“Apabila meninggal dunia seorang anak Adam maka putuslah segala amalannya kecuali tiga iaitu: Sedekah yang ditinggalkan semasa hidup, ilmu yang dimanfaatkan dan anak yang soleh yang mendoakan kedua ibu bapanya.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Hadis Riwayat Luqman Hakim</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-72775907306912274172018-03-15T14:52:00.002+00:002018-03-15T14:52:34.796+00:00Being Both<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">"solat macam mana?"</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">"sorang tu tak solat langsung. the other one said die solat tapi die qadha. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">she said her uncle said it's okay to qadha solat everyday."</span></div>
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astaghfirullah. it was pretty much a little conversation i had with my sister about her circle of friends. and we're only talking about a bunch of girls. what about the community, our country, and the world as a whole? one can only wonder.</div>
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so i continued this conversation with my husband in the car. pretty much lamenting how scary the world is nowadays. because solat is the pillar of islam, and yet so many muslims are taking them lightly. so much so that even seeing people who don't perform solat doesn't seem that big of a deal anymore. astaghfirullah, may Allah protects.</div>
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but my husband shared his two cents about malaysian muslims. he says there are two groups of people:</div>
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one group who are very nice people, but they just don't adhere much to Allah's rules. taking some and leaving some. modest clothing, not really keen to cover the hair, but totally a soft well mannered lady. not praying 5 times a day, but is actively doing charity work. goes clubbing at night perhaps drinking some alcohol, but spends a lot of time helping the poor and the needy. by definition of human nature, they are nice people. and they go about feeling bliss with being the 'good' human.</div>
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the other group are those who adhere totally to Allah's rules, but they are just not <i>that </i>nice. you know, sometimes the <i>ustaz</i> we see on youtube who are calling other people 'bodoh / sombong / bongkak' and every other dirty words he could think of. those who totally cover their aurah from top to bottom, but go about sleeping with random boys in the end. those who pray 5 times a day, and yet doesn't have the decency to throw rubbish at the rightful place. those wearing serban or kopiah 24/7 but is also smoking 24/7, huffing and puffing in front of their kids. them, by definition, are 'practicing' muslims. they pray, they fast, they avoid haram food, they cover their aurah, and they go about feeling bliss with being the 'good' muslim.</div>
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and these two groups are what makes up most of our muslim community in Malaysia. the ones who settled with being nice. and the ones who settled with being a 'practicing muslim'.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">but the truth is, a true muslim needs both hand-in-hand. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">one is never complete without the other. </span></div>
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being a nice person is not enough, if we fail to adhere to Allah's commands. stop lying to ourselves that it's okay to not wear a hijab, or it's okay to show some skin, it's okay to touch our non-mahram friends, when they are all clear commands from Allah. and those things will be accountable for in our akhirah. but we now live in the world where those who reminds are being chastised instead. <i>"awak bukan baik sangat. Allah tengok keikhlasan hati. jangan 'judge' orang lain. die buat banyak lagi benda baik."</i> the list goes on. </div>
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and vice versa for the other end. adhering to Allah's rule but not all. avoiding all those big sins - pray 5 times a day, fasting in Ramadhan, paying your zakat - but taking those smaller sins for granted. going to work late, making empty promises, talking bad about others, writing harsh words over the net, spreading fitnah, gossiping, and the list goes on. </div>
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being a muslim is about building your relationship with Allah. and it entails adhering to His commandments in all aspect of life. picking some and leaving some is not the way to Him. being a better person requires us to be a good 'abid as well as a good human-being. yes, nobody is perfect aside from Rasulullah s.a.w, but aiming to perfect our <i>iman </i>and <i>amal</i> is not impossible, as it's an ongoing process. we may never be a perfect muslim, but Allah takes effort into account. <i>istiqamah </i>is always the key. and this effort requires us to be in both groups of people, not either. so stop choosing sides and try to be both. </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">one who are loved by other people and </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">most importantly loved by Allah s.w.t.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: x-large;">وَلِكُلٍّ وِّجۡهَةٌ هُوَ مُوَلِّيۡهَا ۚ فَاسۡتَبِقُوا الۡخَيۡرٰتِؕ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: x-large;"> اَيۡنَ مَا تَكُوۡنُوۡا يَاۡتِ بِكُمُ اللّٰهُ جَمِيۡعًا ؕ </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: x-large;">اِنَّ اللّٰهَ عَلٰى كُلِّ شَىۡءٍ قَدِيۡرٌ </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">“Dan bagi tiap-tiap umat ada arah (kiblatnya sendiri) yang mereka menghadap ke arahnya (ketika solat). Oleh itu, berlumba-lumbalah kamu mengerjakan kebaikan, kerana di mana sahaja kamu berada pasti Allah akan menghimpunkan kamu semua (pada hari kiamat untuk menerima balasan). Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Berkuasa atas tiap-tiap sesuatu”. [2:148]</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-40067928639240770582018-02-01T18:05:00.002+00:002018-02-01T18:05:35.191+00:00Coping: moving forward<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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I’d be writing some entries in Coping. Perhaps as my way to cope with our new journey. Perhaps as my way to ask for some du’a from anyone who stumbles into any of my entries. Perhaps as a reminder for my future self of how Allah has guided us from the very beginning. Just perhaps.</div>
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In my last entry, Abah Kama was transferred to a general ward. and he was showing very minimal response. we were unsure of what would become.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: medium;">But in Allah's plans we trust, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: medium;">a</span>nd His plans enfolds smoothly for the weeks after, alhamdulillah. Abah Kama was initially transferred to a district hospital, whereby my mother in law decided that it's best if he stayed in the palliative ward for comfort. He stayed there for a couple of weeks and eventually was discharged home. </div>
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How is he? Alhamdulillah. Abah Kama is awake. He responds with nods and shakes back then. nowadays he tried mouthing some one-word answers whenever he can. his movements are very much limited, as he hasn't gain much control over his muscles yet. but he has a bit of strength around his neck muscles on and off. </div>
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Ma is the main caretaker now. along with the help of our little sister who's at home with Ma. we managed to set the house for abah's home-coming a week prior. And with the help of Abah and Mama, we bought abah Kama a good hospital bed a week after he came home. :)</div>
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The nearest clinic has a team who would come by once a week to monitor his progress. Alhamdulillah. sometimes bringing in medicines, or looking for any wounds on him. some things that we might have taken for granted had we not experience these ourselves. since my husband and i could only come back during weekends, those medical team coming over during the weekdays does eases our minds a bit.</div>
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To be honest we have a lot on our plate now, and sometimes it can be overwhelming for the both of us. but we tried our best by encouraging each other in those moments, that we need not worry, that we could go through this well, if we're in it together. :) Aizzat is doing well, alhamdulillah. His free time is spent at the local clinics now. finding some extra hours of work to cover the medical expenses and two full households. be strong honey!</div>
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Facing all these makes us very humbled and grateful, that despite everything, Allah has eases us more than we could ever imagine. we still have a home to come back to, food on the table and families around us that support us, alhamdulillah.</div>
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Nevertheless, we still have a long way to go. we're not sure yet where this is all heading, and what the future holds for us, but we're taking small steps at a time, insyaAllah. May Allah eases this journey through and through. </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">And Allah Knows, while you know not.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">[2:216] </span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #c27ba0;">"Allah swt knows the reality of everything while man’s knowledge is limited. We assess things on the basis of our limited knowledge and often make wrong decisions. We must pray that Allah swt bless us with both hikmah [wisdom] and rushd [deeper understanding with guidance] so that we do not decide on things being good or bad as prompted by personal desires, rather, by the Wisdom of Allah swt. If we learn this art we will block the way of Shaytan who tries to instill doubts and negative thoughts in our minds."</span></i></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-22898462507098106562017-12-19T13:50:00.001+00:002017-12-19T13:50:18.916+00:00Coping: Life Passes <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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I’d be writing some entries in Coping. Perhaps as my way to cope with our new journey. Perhaps as my way to ask for some du’a from anyone who stumbles into any of my entries. Perhaps as a reminder for my future self of how Allah has guided us from the very beginning. Just perhaps.</div>
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Day 30. It’s been a month since the day my father in law, Abah, fell sick. How time flies. We never thought we could pass those days, but we did. That’s somehow the beauty of life. Or perhaps the scary part of it. That no matter how scared you are, time shall pass you by. </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">That moment shall pass you by. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">What is meant for you, shall pass you by.</span></div>
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Abah has been transferred to the general ward last night. He was in the intensive care unit (ICU) for a good 3 weeks before being brought to the high dependency ward (HDW). Basically the difference between these wards is how Abah is taken care of. In both ICU and HDW, families are not allowed to stay with the patients. Nurses spent most time tendering to Abah. All those regular feeding, suctioning and so on.</div>
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Hence, Ma (mother in law) and Abby (little sister in law) has been playing the major role of visiting Abah on a daily basis. We found a small inn near the hospital for them to stay at, because there is nobody to drive them to the hospital while we are at work. And they have been walking back and forth for a-30 minutes-walk daily for almost a month now. Aizzat and I could only accompany them during weekends, bringing them to my parent’s house to stay at. My other little sister in law has been trying to come back on weekends too from her university. </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Everyone is trying their best, and trying their hard to be with one another. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Everyone has been strong through and through, Alhamdulillah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">I pray Allah keep us all this way for the rest of our journey, insyaAllah.</span></div>
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Stroke. Somehow I see this diagnosis differently nowadays. Almost a mysterious disease. For I can never tell what is truly going on.</div>
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Sometimes, Abah opened his left eye ever so slowly when we talk to him. when we called his name. He used to shed a tear even when his eyes were closed when we tell him encouraging words. When we told him Abby scored her PT3 and wants to do her best for her next exams. :’)</div>
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Then there were times when Abah seems too restless or agitated. Those were the days when he was constantly put on sedatives because his movements became too aggressive at times, causing his mouth to bleed as he bites his inner cheek too much. Even causing his IV lines to come off. During these time, it hurts us the most. Because we cannot figure out what is happening. Is it just the stroke? Is it Abah trying to fight his own body that is out of his control? Is Abah in pain? Allahua'lam.</div>
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Abah has gone through a lot in the ICU. He was always on antibiotics from all the bugs in the ward, something that we have expected in prolonged hospital stay. His heart was also beating furiously for days. Atrial fibrillation is what we name it. We try to not look into those vital signs too much when we visit him.</div>
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Nowadays, Abah looked much calmer. Almost too calm. No longer any tears. Movements are too subtle. Are you sleeping Abah? Too tired to respond to us calling you everytime we visit? At times like this, I try not to ask Abah of anything. We’d just massage his arms, put lotion all over his body, rub Vaseline on his parched lips. We don’t want to disturb your rest for too long. But deep down, this scares us the most, when you are lying there so silently. </div>
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Ma asked often, is Abah there? Is he alert of his surroundings? Our answers are pretty much the same since the beginning; we don’t know, only Allah Knows.</div>
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Thinking of Abah’s laughs and smiles, sometimes, all I wish for is that this sickness is just a test for us, those who are left behind, and not for Abah. That Abah is somehow in a different dimension, resting well. Even if he hears us, he is listening from a better place. Not from the hospital bed. Not through those beeping sounds around him. I hope that Abah doesn't feel lonely, and he is not struggling to fight his own body. That he is resting well, because he deserves it the most, for someone who has worked hard all his life and yet never forget to be thankful and to always smile. That is our Abah Kama.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;"><br />But in Allah's plans we trust, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">إِن يَنصُرْكُمُ اللّهُ فَلاَ غَالِبَ لَكُمْ وَإِن يَخْذُلْكُمْ فَمَن ذَا الَّذِي يَنصُرُكُم مِّن بَعْدِهِ وَعَلَى</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"> اللّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكِّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">"If Allah helps you, no one can overcome you; </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">and if He did not help you, who is there after Him who can help you? </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[3:160]</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-86523188677128029562017-12-06T13:37:00.004+00:002017-12-06T13:46:16.730+00:00Coping: 19th November<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.google.com/search?biw=1242&bih=579&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=l_AnWrDMFoTyvASH357AAw&q=allah+is+near&oq=allah+is+near&gs_l=psy-ab.3.0.0l6j0i8i30k1j0i24k1l2.2551.3968.0.5993.13.9.0.0.0.0.288.1293.0j3j3.6.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..7.6.1292...0i67k1j0i10k1.0.kse1XHSa5BM#imgrc=qWCydOvRzaI8ZM:" target="_blank">image link</a></td></tr>
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I’d be writing some entries in Coping. Perhaps as my way to cope with our new journey. Perhaps as my way to ask for some du’a from anyone who stumbles into any of my entries. Perhaps as a reminder for my future self of how Allah has guided us from the very beginning. Just perhaps.<br />
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What Allah has granted us in life recently is only a small bit if i were to compare it with what others are facing. but to each and everyone, their own journey. and here is ours. </div>
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When you’re a doctor, you’re always on the other side of the curtain. You see deaths, sickness, and sadness in the hospitals. But because you’re at work, and both your brain and your body needs to function; you detach yourself from whatever you see or feel. Fleeting moments of reflections, and then they disappeared.<br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">But Allah has decided for Aizzat and me, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">to now be the doctors behind those curtains.</span><br />
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Where we waited patiently for the updates. Where we are waiting patiently beside Abah’s bed, holding his still hands, accompanied by the beeping of his vitals. Where we are the ones following Abah being pushed into ICU. Where we are now the family who are sitting at the sofa area, meant to be the place of breaking bad news.<br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">We are now, </span></div>
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My father in law, abah Kama (<i>Aizzat’s loving stepdad since he was six</i>) got a stroke about 2 weeks ago. Day 18 to be exact. It was early Sunday morning. I was about to step out of the car when I heard Ma’s frantic call to Aizzat. I could hear her crying. You felt that shiver. But Aizzat asked me to go ahead for work. The day went by not being able to focus well during my course. It was all well initially. Just a small stroke. Aizzat sounded fine during lunch. My parents dropped by the hospital too to visit Abah.</div>
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Then that short phone call from Aizzat. His cracked voice: <i>“abah tak sedar. Diorang nak intubate.”</i> I wanted to be with him there and then. That’s all I could think of. Alhamdulillah for my parents who drove all the way to pick me up from Besut. It was already 11pm when I saw Aizzat sitting tiredly beside abah’s bed. My cheerful abah, now lying there on the hospital bed. The news kept becoming bigger and heavier. When the medical doctor came telling us shortly about a possible bleed and burr-hole surgery, simply put. Just as we were about to cope with the news, he gave us another big blow: conservative treatment, abah will be sent to the ICU. </div>
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To be honest, I wondered if we weren’t medical doctors, we wouldn't have a single clue of what has been told, what the plan was, and why the sudden cancellation. It was all too fast. All too complicated to comprehend in that short time.<br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">only a few hours into the day, </span></div>
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Aizzat looked so spent. And yet so calm. Too calm. He even smiled and greeted all the ICU staff who remembered us when we sent abah to the ICU. We sat at the sofa area. Waiting for Kak Long (Aizzat’s elder sister) to arrive from Kuala Lumpur. I talked to Aizzat. He was still stiff. I worried. We went home at 230am. A quick shower and he was already asleep when I joined him.</div>
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Next morning it was during Subuh prayer when I finally heard my husband’s first sobs since we got married. He was crying in his do’a and all I could do was hug him and cried with him. we kept saying: <i>“Allah ada. Allah ada. Allah ada.”</i><br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Cause in those moments, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">“Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu (Muhammad) tentang Aku, maka (jawablah), bahwasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia memohon kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi (segala perintah-Ku) dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran.” (QS Al Baqarah: 186)</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-58447738003471382842017-11-01T16:26:00.000+00:002017-11-01T16:26:30.649+00:00the Tug<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://www.abc.net.au/cm/lb/7681020/data/elderly-couple-on-park-bench-data.jpg" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" height="360" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/cm/lb/7681020/data/elderly-couple-on-park-bench-data.jpg" target="_blank">source</a></td></tr>
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you know that feeling? that little tug in your heart. we'd usually get one of those when we're touched, or sometimes when we felt guilt. i had one today. mine is the latter one. or perhaps it's a mixture of guilt and sadness? or even perhaps helplessness?</div>
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being a doctor in small secluded place in Pasir Akar brings me into the lives of so many elderly. i know that i have always had this soft spot for grandpas and grandmas. and seeing that i have none left now in my life, i'd often imagine them as one of my own. but the grandpas and grandmas that i see here are not those who are happily coming in with their children. they'd usually come in with worn-clothes. they'd usually come alone looking scared. they'd usually looked confused. they're usually ones who live alone. and some are still busy working to put food on the table because they are left to fend for themselves. </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">and these breaks my heart in everyway.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">and today, breaks me a little bit more</span>.</div>
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i met a 72 year old lady today. she came from a nearby pondok. i find it a common thing nowadays, where these elderly would rather stay at a pondok on most days to fill their days with <i>ibadah.</i> when they're staying at a pondok, they'd be closer to the masjid, and they have their own peers to recite the Quran together, to listen to those kuliah Subuh together. </div>
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so back to my patient. she came with a slightly high blood pressure reading. telling me that she missed her medications for 3 days because she couldn't find any form of transportation to come to the clinic. and since it's already 3 days of missing medications, she could't wait any longer so she <i>walked</i> to the clinic.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">a 72 year old lady; </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><i>walked</i> a good 5km to the clinic.</span></div>
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i often heard these elderly taking the buses, or hitchhiking along the way. but this was a first. and there i was, not being able to do much. i asked around, but nobody was able to send her back. i didn't bring my car today and i don't think my boss would appreciate me leaving my job that early in the morning when i have other patients waiting for me. and all i could do at the end was ask her to rest first. to take her medications before she heads back.</div>
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i felt helpless. but i continued my work and forgotten all about her. </div>
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until now.</div>
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hence, this is the hardest part of this job as a doctor. when we have to detach our emotions while working. because they can't get tangled up or we wouldn't be able to move forward. you'd have those tugging moments along the way, but you move along. praying your best at that moment that Allah eases them. because almost all patients are people who are struggling to live. sometimes i do wonder, why are the ones who're sick are those who are poor, the ones who are already struggling with what's on their plate? </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">but remembering back that Allah Maha Adil, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">puts things back in perspective.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">He Knows, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">and He Watches, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">and He Helps. </span></div>
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so at the end of the day, </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">i pray that they are all granted with <i>sabr</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">i pray that Allah eases their sufferings.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">i pray that Allah beautifies their hearts.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">i pray that Jannah awaits them at the end.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e35/11376241_773770172721714_1965776867_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTAzODUxMDQyMDQ2MTc5NzIwOQ%3D%3D.2&se=6" target="_blank">source</a></td></tr>
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but i guess the tug in the heart remains. :(</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan mengatakan: </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Kami telah beriman, sedang mereka belum diuji?" </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[29:2-3]</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-26197429633944402362017-09-30T04:11:00.000+01:002017-10-01T12:21:46.405+01:00Effort<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";"> بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e15/11349251_1479254945698906_477558755_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=OTg5MTI4MzA2MDI3NTM2MDM1.2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e15/11349251_1479254945698906_477558755_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=OTg5MTI4MzA2MDI3NTM2MDM1.2" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e15/11349251_1479254945698906_477558755_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=OTg5MTI4MzA2MDI3NTM2MDM1.2" target="_blank">image link</a></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">I've been watching this girl lately. Her name is Aida Azlin. I know very little about her as i haven't done much 'stalking' about who she really is, but i've watched a few of her videos that she posted in Facebook. For which reminded me of those years where i used to love sitting down and reflect on whatever events that had occurred in my life. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">Her videos are just awesome and laid-back. As she talks about things in her life, and relate it back to how they can all make us closer to Allah. something that i think, i wanted to do all those years back in Dublin. but i guess life and job caught up with me, and whenever i feel like i wanted to write, so many things stopped me. i felt like i haven't been as good as i wanted to be, hence i can't write reminders or advices because of the state that i was in: forgetful of Allah. Astaghfirullah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">but then, as i watched some more of her videos today, somehow it made me realized, that nothing should be stopping me to write a good reminder, or a good advice. because waiting for oneself to be good, or so called 'pious' is a never-ending wait. you can never really know <i>when</i> you are good enough. and we all know that <i>iman</i> is a rollercoaster, we have our highs and lows. but as long as we find ourselves to still be in that path towards seeking Allah's redha, then wherever we are doesn't count. give good reminders if we want to, because who knows if those small reminders that we tell ourselves and others, will eventually become the pillars to strengthen our iman. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">we all know that islam is about <i>istiqamah. </i>there's a bunch of good things you can do in life, but to keep doing them is the hardest part of them all, so whenever and wherever we are, let's pray for each other to keep doing good, even if it's a small part in this big world, because our effort is all that it takes.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "puritan";">and even if nobody is watching us </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "puritan";">(or in my case, reading this reminder) </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "puritan"; font-size: large;">we all know that Allah Watches over. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "puritan"; font-size: large;">And Allah will never, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "puritan"; font-size: large;">ever take anything that his hamba do, for granted. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">"Man will not get anything </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">unless he works hard” </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">[53:39]</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">so here's to us, in trying to be a better <i>abid.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">let's get an A for effort shall we?</span><br />
<span style="color: #575757; font-family: "puritan";">insyaAllah.</span><br />
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-9397690950777742772017-08-12T03:16:00.001+01:002017-09-30T03:25:20.378+01:00Humbling <br />
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بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ<br />
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<a href="http://www.hvac.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/donate.jpg"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEhYzFola-MperMTGceGizm3zIE4FPnXxOTEuv5ROhBcCBJ_BFEdP2d5ptI1bK31lhTYBGkBkity62RoftrAE-kPrFj91Vgn07F_Dz0XBWpn-mdOYAvwti0OzyRu8VueorWlQfpigi0eiY5VDDyZP-ddtm9zD7RFZWU=" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://www.hvac.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/donate.jpg"><span style="font-size: x-small;">linked</span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Entah bagaimana kita mampu mengeluh tentang kehidupan ,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Sedangkan ada yang mendirikan pondok dibawah jambatan,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Kita segera malu berhadapan</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Orang-orang yang punya lebih dari sekadar kecukupan,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Segera malu di dalam kesederhanaan</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Kerana belum memiliki sebarang kemewahan.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Bagaimana kita mampu mengeluh tentang kehidupan,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Tanpa segan silu menginginkan lebih</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Dari sekadar kecukupan?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Bagaimana kita mampu mengeluh tentang kehidupan,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Sedangkan ada yang tidak berani bermimpi</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Sekalipun tentang seguni keinginan</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Bahkan semangkuk keperluan?</span></div>
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-puisiAgan-</div>
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Copied this from a facebook post from a friend of mine. Each verse is so true. As it question how a person could still be complaining about his/her life, when someone else wouldn't even dare to dream of what the others have.</div>
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Which brings me to the topic of instagram. For those of you who doesn't have it, kudos to you for not falling to the temptation of dunya. For those who have them, istighfar it is. </div>
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As much as instagram is a platform to connect between close friends, it's also a platform where you could see everything from everyone. noticed that search button? where it holds millions of other users who you have no idea of. But they are always there for you to look at. but noticed the similarities between the posts that are in there? they are all beautiful things.</div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">beautiful people.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">beautiful dresses.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">beautiful bags.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">beautiful restaurants.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">beautiful places.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">beautiful sights.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">rarely, or should i say scarcely, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0;">or better yet, we actually <i>never</i> seen anything<i> remotely</i> ugly in there.</span></div>
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hence, the danger. we got so used to seeing privileged people in there, that we forget all those things that we already have. because everyone in there seems to have it better. better weddings, better holidays, better food; better life? we forget that Allah Knows better. He Knew more of what we need than what we want. cause i think we all could agree that the things we want are often stupid things, and we only realized of what we need when we lost them.<br />
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i thank Allah, everyday, for putting me exactly where i am today, for letting me have this humbling job that keeps me reminded and grounded. cause whenever i find myself scrolling through random posts, wanting those beautiful things that others have, i am sucked back into reality when i see all those patients of mine;</div>
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that 75-years-old makcik, who came to the clinic today with her old bicycle, because her children couldn't afford a car or even a motorcycle to bring her for her appointments. </div>
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how could i yearn for a Michael Kors, seeing the elderly gentleman, who only just got back from 3 hours of rubber tapping earlier that morning, just to put some food on the table.</div>
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how could i wear sparkly clothes, when a 10-year-old kid came in to see me, with ragged clothes, having stopped school because his mom recently died, and his dad couldn't afford to send him to school. </div>
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Look around us, through our eyes, not through social medias. Because reality is outside of our phones and gadgets. And only then can we truly see what life is all about. Only then can we be thankful with our lives. Only then do we realize that there are so much more people out there who need our help, or at least, our prayers. </div>
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May Allah grant us all ease and keep us in His Blessings, and keep us all humbled in whatever that we do and whatever that we wish for, and most importantly may Allah keep us thankful with everything that we have. Ameen wa insyaAllah. </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Nabi Muhammad (SAW) said: </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">"Look at those who are lower than you and do not look at those who are higher than you. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">That is more likely to prevent you underestimating the blessing of Allah on you." </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">In another variant, he (SAW) said:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">"When one of you sees someone who has been given more bounty </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">in respect of wealth or physical strength, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">he should then look at someone who has less than him."</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e5/b2/d5/e5b2d5d48151600ce322607ca173746f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="640" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e5/b2/d5/e5b2d5d48151600ce322607ca173746f.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e5/b2/d5/e5b2d5d48151600ce322607ca173746f.jpg" target="_blank">*link*</a></td></tr>
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<br />not promising myself that i'll be writing often. but i felt the need to write today. and the time and mood is just right for it. forgive me for the jumbled entry. </div>
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*********</div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"> بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
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a good old friend of mine texted me a few days back. his sister had done a biopsy, the doctors are suspecting cancer. fast forward to two days later, it's stage 2 breast cancer, requiring her to undergo mastectomy on one side, with lump removal on the other, and followed by sessions of chemotherapy afterwards. they've just been diagnosed today, and decisions were made only a few hours after. they agreed for the operation, which will take place tomorrow.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Subhanallah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Allahuakbar.</span></div>
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in a week's time, someone's life just changed so rapidly. almost surreal if you asked me. i can never even imagine how it feels like. even writing this breaks my heart. your heart races as the doctor asked your permission to proceed with a biopsy, because those lumps might be cancerous. and two days later you were told that it's true. and you have to make the decision almost there and then. to proceed with a big operation and with weeks of further treatments. you look at your husband, your child, your parents, your family members. everyone is trying to be strong. <i>you </i>are trying to be strong. and you said yes. and you ended your week this time, with a life-changing operation.</div>
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in a week's time for others, life might just be as boring or as hectic as it has always been. nothing changes.waking up to the same alarm tune. the same preparation for work. the hustles of papers at work. spending time at lunch with your buddies. continuing work while waiting for the time to punch out. thrills of coming home to your loved ones cause you misses them so much even it's just for a day. soon it's nightfall and it's time for your rest. monday soon becomes friday. and weekends will pass by in a jiffy. and the routine starts all over again. nothing more nothing less. same old, same old.</div>
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it's almost heart wrenching. the difference between one's life to another. but yet that's the reality. that life, evidently is as hard as it can be for one, and differently for the other. it may seem unfair. but everyone is entitled to their own journeys, their own tests.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">take comfort, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">knowing that Allah itu Maha Adil. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">and He Plans best.</span></div>
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perhaps i've endulged myself too much into social networks, that i've gotten too used to watching people being happy all the time. good times with spouses, children and families. happy tummies filled with good food. people sharing beautiful things they bought. vacations. parties. events. that i forgot, to look into the eyes of those who are being tested in life. </div>
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because these people, they are nowhere near social networks like the rest of us are. but they are the ones that i look at day to day at work, but failed to see behind their eyes. how difficult it is for them to come to the clinic every so often. how long have they endured the pain in their tummy because they can't even afford a strip of painkillers. how busy they are everyday to put food on the table that medicine is not something that they could remember taking at all. how stressful it is for them to decide for hospital admission, because they'd have three more children at home with no one to look after them. and these are all just tips of the iceberg.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">may Allah forgives you and me.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">for how much we have forgotten all this while.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">for how much we've been swept away by Dunya, all this while.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">astaghfirullahal'azim</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">astaghfirullahal'azim</span></div>
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to anyone who comes across this, send some prayers for my friend's sister who'll be undergoing surgery tomorrow. and prayers to all Muslims out there who are facing ordeals in life. May Allah eases their journeys through and through. Ameen.</div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: large;">"Allah is the Best Listener.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: large;">We don't need to shout, nor cry out loud.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: large;">because He Hears even the very silent prayer,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #c27ba0; font-size: large;">of a sincere heart."</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-38564748410574790932017-03-03T03:58:00.000+00:002017-03-03T03:58:41.523+00:00Hello 2017<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;">24 months had passed. Where do i even began to explain or even explore what i've experienced or learned over the period. it has been long. but i wanted to write again. this blog used to be my solace. :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #575757;">to be honest, it's a bit scary. when you haven't written for so long. it's much more difficult for the right words to come by. but a few weeks back i got a private message from a stranger in my instagram. </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><i>" i read your blog. it inspired me a lot. takde update dah."</i> </span></span><span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;">and i had that jittery feeling inside of me. touched too, i must say. because someone somewhere out there are still finding some warmth through my old writings and rants in here. so my prayers goes to you, miss. for reminding me to remind. :)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;">so here's my first rant after 2 years of absence. May Allah Guides us all. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;">i guess the best thing to write about would be my last 26 months as a houseman (<i>the first two years of becoming a doctor where you're still training to become a better one. a period where you're not yet held accountable for the mistakes you made. a period for learning</i>).</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;">Alhamdulillah, with Him, i believe everything went beautifully as it should. of all the ups and down of the roller coaster ride, everything went perfectly according to His Plans. it's now our job as His </span><i style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;">abid</i><span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; text-align: center;"> to look back and be thankful for everything that has happened, to seek forgiveness for all the wrong things we've done, and to pray and be hopeful for what is yet to come. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan;">Housemanship a.k.a house officers a.k.a the punching bag of the scary hierarchy in a hospital. it's a scary 2 years period for all blooming doctors, but as scary as it may seem, it might actually be one of the best years of your life too. Even though i don't think i excelled in it with becoming the '<i>greatest HO that ever walked the planet'</i>, but i guess being happy on most days of housemanship warrants me to give some tips and tricks of surviving it. *wink* </span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan;">So here goes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Puritan;"><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">Friends</span><span style="color: #575757;">. </span></i><span style="color: #575757;">I've always thought this was one of the crucial part of getting through housemanship. Because in a hospital, you never worked alone. you just can't. so getting a group of people who work with you, eat with you, sleep with you, jokes around all day with you, waited for you to finish your job, dissed you whenever you left some work undone, compliments you when you answered a question, learn from you, let you learn from them, covered for you, reminds you to eat, offered you IV line insertions whenever you look sick, zombied around the hospital with you at 3 a.m, jumped on the bed doing CPRs with you; is crucial. This group of people would be your strength to survive the hospital on a daily basis. True, it's not always great. You would hate each other sometimes, just because we are all tired and spent; misunderstanding each other's words. but it will pass by, and by the end of the day these friends are the ones that you should be really thankful for. for just being there with you through it all. :) </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan;">Thank you guys. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan;">Hope you're all doing great, wherever you may be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Puritan;"><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">Families</span><span style="color: #575757;">. </span></i><span style="color: #575757;">Is the backbone that we often forget. The ones who prayed for us everyday back then. The ones who take time to drive us to and fro the hospital whenever our car broke down, or whenever we are too tired during our postcalls. The ones who suppressed from telling us how much they miss us because we're not home most days and when we are, all we do is sleep. But here's my own reminders from my own observation. Being doctors, when we have friends around, we tend to spend our free time outside the hospitals with the same friends too. forgetting those moments that we should spend with our families; where we should be having some tea with our dad, cooking with our mum, calling up our siblings to see how they're doing, or just being there in the comfort of home to liven up the house that we have left most of the time. just do something for them, they have been there for us since forever, remember?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan;">May Allah keep them safe and sound in His Blessings. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan;">Ameen. :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Puritan;"><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">Reminders</span><span style="color: #575757;">. </span></i><span style="color: #575757;">And this is definitely the hard part. Despite the tiring hours, the verbal harassment, the constant back-ache; you </span><i style="color: #575757;">are</i><span style="color: #575757;"> helping someone. you are helping your nurses, your MOs, your specialists in doing their job; and most importantly you are all helping someone who's sick, those who are in need. they wouldn't have come to the hospital if they didn't need our help. Of course, there would be ungrateful patients, ungrateful superiors now and then, but they don't matter. Because inevitably what you are doing comes back to </span><i style="color: #575757;">you</i><span style="color: #575757;">. if we truly realize that our job will eventually help someone, then all the blessings and </span><i style="color: #575757;">pahala</i><span style="color: #575757;"> will go back to our book. because this job, is nothing else but a good deed. the only thing that could make this bad are just our foul mouths and foul intentions. but if we could avoid those two, this job, is definitely a part of our </span><i style="color: #575757;">ibadah. </i><span style="color: #575757;">And how lucky we are that Allah has put us in this path, where doing good to others is just a part of our job?</span></span></div>
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drop a little everywhere."</div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan;">so at the end of your tiring day, be thankful. that Allah has chosen us, over all of His Creations to be doctors. When we are too busy with work; think otherwise instead; we are too busy with good deeds, that we don't even have time for bad ones. And how lucky can anyone else get, huh?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Puritan;">and most importantly, stay humble too.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Puritan;">we are always learning from one another everyday.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Puritan;">teach others and learn from them.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Puritan;">leave the bad ones, and follow the good ones.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Puritan;">chin up and be strong.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Puritan;">after all, Allah is with us through and through.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan;">on a side note, in between those 26 months, Allah s.w.t granted me someone that i didn't even dreamed of having; </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan;">my husband</span><span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan;">. you could pray for anything in a spouse, but at the end of the day, you will finally realized that the companion that Allah blessed you with is the most perfectly flawed being there is, just as much as you are. And time will always be the one to teach you of how much you were made for each other. Alhamdulillah for the love that Allah blessed us with, and most importantly, i pray that this love lasts and brings us together in Jannah. do send us your prayers :)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan;">ps: deep down, i still think that i was blessed enough to have met him because of arwah Che's prayers. :')</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium;">above all,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium;">Alhamdulillah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #575757; font-family: Puritan; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"><br /></span>izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-53923214833710750612015-02-20T15:36:00.000+00:002015-02-20T16:20:27.126+00:00Complete Faith<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Sick. hence the time for me to write a bit. Alhamdulillah, wa astaghfirullah. may Allah forgives all my sins with my little illness. =_=''</div>
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Life has been moving, fast if i may say so. Work has been non-stop. time flies huh? it's been over 2 months that i've been working as a real doctor. or maybe the right word would be <i>training</i> to be a good doctor. i guess i somewhat truly understand what houseman is all about now: a total <i>training</i> period. days where you experience and see things with your own eyes. see what is right and what is wrong. <i>scolded</i> for what is right and what is wrong. yes it's pretty much a hostile environment. but what <i>can</i> we really do other than rely on Allah's guidance? it's a work that involves so many people. your superiors, your colleagues, your patients, their families. and we <i>all</i> have our own different sets of emotions. and because this world is not perfect, our emotions often clashes with one another. </div>
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nobody is ever happy, nobody is ever satisfied, miscommunication is everywhere, and so do misunderstandings. everybody is taking everybody else for granted. nobody really appreciate what the others are doing. we don't appreciate them as much as they don't appreciate us. MOs and HOs work together, and yet, we think that they hate us, and they think that we hate them. and the cycle goes on. it's a messy world to be honest. one that is so messy that we have to be conscious of our intention all the time, which is something almost impossible to be done at the moment. but if we dont renew our intention, then we'll be the losers in the end.</div>
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Loser, i am. because i can already sense moments where i have not been as empathetic as i wanted to. towards these patients that i am in charge of, when all my head can think of is to get those work done, to get the bloods taken, to jot the investigations done, to get the signatures; just so that i wont get scolded by my superiors. hadoy. sad isn't it? and stupid, to be honest. cause everything we do has been so technical, it's so embarrassing. towards them patients especially, the ones who trusted our hands in taking care of them. and most importantly, malu kat Allah. The One watching us slipping away with our so-called 'noble' intentions. malu kat Allah. seeing how our akhlak deteriorates with every dissing and bashing that we are doing towards one another.</div>
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astaghfirullah. but if we were to blame everything to the environment then nothing will change won't it? so at times that i forget, astaghfirullah is the key word. i remembered once, i was worried that my boss would think that i haven't done my job just because i wasn't updating them through whatsApp and someone else was. i remembered feeling pretty much stupid afterwards. because i know i <i>was</i> doing my best with the patient. so it doesn't really matter if they know or not, or whatever that they perceive about us, so long as we are trying our best. we know it, and Allah Knows it. that's all that really matters. </div>
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another time i was saddened when my fellow colleagues were bashed by their superiors. apparently they perceived that my friends weren't doing their job. i'd feel crushed too if i were them. when the work that you've done day in day out, and yet they still think that we have done <i>nothing</i>. we'd feel like trash won't we? but if we were to stress our heads with what others perceive about us, then it's a tiring cycle. it will be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. so the only solution to all of this is to fix our belief. to fix our line of thoughts: that whatever happens, it's within Allah's will. try our best, regardless if the job is done or not. try our best, even if we are to be scolded afterwards. learn as much, and keep on praying, that Allah keep our heart at ease, with whatever harsh words that we heard from others. that Allah keep our heart at ease, with whatever that happens. </div>
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because eventually, Allah Maha Adil. they will still be held accountable for what they say and what they do. so leave it to them to take it back to Allah on that one fine day. and if that still doesn't comfort us, just remember that every heart is within Allah's grasps. then pray thay Allah lembutkan hati semua orang, at least.</div>
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whatever happens, it happens for a reason. by Allah's will. so if it happens, Allah wanted it to happen to us. so let's remind each other of this very simple thing: Tawakkal. to trust Allah completely, with our lives. insyaAllah. We'll be able to smile in the end and say Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah wa ameen.</div>
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on another note, i can never thank Allah enough for all his Plans. this time around, again, Allah planned life so beautifully that i can say nothing other than Alhamdulillah. true how they say, Allah plans things beyond our imagination. may Allah ease the paths ahead insyaAllah. :)</div>
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till the next post insyaAllah.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">do make doa for me, for my family, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">for my friends, and for everyone else.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">let's ace this short trip in Dunya, and seek His Redha;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">with and by Allah's will. Aameen.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">and here's a special Doa worth reciting over and over again insyaAllah:</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">"Ya Allah, do not hold me accountable for what they say about me.</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">And make me better than what they perceive me to be.</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">And forgive me for what they don't know about me."</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">[Abu Bakr As-Siddiq r.a]</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-2416086458039208212015-01-10T15:49:00.006+00:002015-01-10T15:54:54.165+00:00At your Feet<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am finally able to really sit down this week. It's only been a week since my grandmother went back to the Creator, but i think because i was in and out of the hospital, i couldn't pay much attention to the broken part <i>deep deep</i> down in my heart; that is until today. I've written and mentioned Che in my writings a number of times, so i decided to search for the word 'Che'. a list of posts popped up, and i'm a blubbering mess right now after reading them all. That little hole she left me with has just gotten bigger.</div>
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I want to remember her. So as much as this is a sharing for anyone who stumbles into this blog, i'm writing today to keep her in this little hidey hole of mine. So this might be an ultra long post, and i'm not even sure of what i will write. But i will. So here goes: our little story.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">03.01.15</span></div>
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Abah picked me from the hospital at 7am. Post tag-call. It was only a day or two after the 'banjir' has gone down. Instead of going straight home, Abah drove me to Auntie's house. It's been about 2 weeks since i last saw Che. And i heard Che was not properly eating a day or so. She was sleeping when I arrived, which is not unusual. But she looked so tired. I checked her pulse. It was fast, but it has always been like that for the past months. I was too preoccupied listening to Auntie telling me the banjir story that day, as they were trapped for the past few days in the house at Kg Pendek, Salor. I remembered thinking, <span style="color: #a64d79;">"<i>nasib baik Che tak sakit teruk masa tu"</i>.</span> Breathing a sigh of relief knowing that a nurse will attend to Che later in the evening. I said my goodbyes, but somehow i didn't kiss her cheeks like i normally do.<br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Little did i know that was actually my last goodbye.</span></div>
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I slept late that night, it was almost 1:00am. I tried finishing some slides, and was prepping myself for my on-call the next day. I was almost dozing off when i heard some small knocks on my door. Then later someone opened the door, left some keys and closed it back. I was a bit confused. But i continued sleeping. Then i heard the sound of Abah's car leaving the house. "Che?" I thought of her. Did something happened? But i pushed that thought away and continued sleeping. Only to be woken up a short while later with a phonecall from Abah.<br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">"Yan, che takde dah." </span></div>
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After subuh i was all prepared to go to <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Auntie's </span>house where Che is. Abah, Mama and Lin came back for their shower and we head back there. The house was filled with family members. I saw Che covered from top to toe, surrounded with people reciting the Quran. I wanted to see her face, but i couldn't because of the people around her. I sat near her feet and started reciting Yaasin. Then i lifted the cloth at her feet, and saw the bandages around her foot ulcers. I touched her feet, they were cold. And i can't help myself and sobbed. </div>
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Time passed and it was time for <i>mandi jenazah</i>. My heart says i just have to do it. So i went and asked <i>Mok Su, </i>the one in charged. She said yes, sure you can. And together with other family members, we bathe Che. As gentle as we could, and as careful as we could. Apologizing now and then, if we are hurting her in any way. Some were crying, but i wasn't. The feeling was indescribable. I washed her ulcers, some were new. I realized that those new ulcers developed when i started working in the hospital. I didn't even know. :'(</div>
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I went for the burial too. I know it's not advisable to go there, but i wanted to. Just this once. And i get to see arwah Ayoh (grandfather)'s grave too. Right beside Che's. And after it was finished i went back to the hospital for my oncall. And the days passed. Coming back and going to the hospital somehow made me numbed. <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Allah kept me away from sadness for the time being, making me forget </span>that i have lost a very special person in this lifetime.</div>
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A few weeks before i came back for good from Dublin, Che had a stroke. I came back to a new version of Che. No longer the forgetful one who can sit on her own, but it's someone who's always sleeping. Who looks lethargic all the time. She seldom speaks. Only when she wants to. Even so, her words are short. Sometimes she remembers, sometimes she doesn't. She eats very little, so we started giving her those special milk, via syringes. On good days she'll have a good cup of milk per meal. On bad days she'll have only a quarter of a cup. She can no longer bathe herself, so we have to lift her up to the toilet, to wash and bathe her. It's difficult for everyone and even her. But we just have to do our best.</div>
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I came by as often as i could. Everyday or every other day. Checked her pulse. See if she's dehydrated or not. When i'm worried, i asked Mama to call the doctor. One time, we went to Kuala Lumpur for weeks. For my interviews and so on. And i came back to Che developing huge foot ulcers. And she was feverish too. And my new routine started. To keep watch of her ulcers. To do her dressings. After a few visits by the doctor, we all learn how to deal with her ulcers. I did my very best. It's not like other family members can't do it, they can. But back then, i wanted to be the one doing it for Che. Because i knew i will no longer have much chances to do it when i started working. And because i knew that the time i'm spending with her will soon runs out. And because everybody else were doing something for Che, bathing her, feeding her, so that's the least i could do; to be the <i>cucu</i> <i>doktor</i> at her feet. :')</div>
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One time, she opened her eyes when i came to do her dressing. She was a bit healthier that day. More alert. She saw me, crooning down, huddled at her numb feet. She asked someone around who i was. And i answered: "Cucu che la. yan ni. Che ingat kan. Che, yan jadi doktor dah ni Che." She looked at me. "Ouh.. doktor dah?" Did she knew then? Wallahua'lam. I just wish she did. i <i>pray</i> that she did. </div>
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As time passes her condition deteriorates. Bit by bit. Thinner by the day. She was sleeping most of the time. Refusing to open her eyes. She drinks her milk with eyes closed. She seldom talks. A few weeks before Che passed away, she stayed at our house for 2 weeks. I only started working at that time, and i was still able to tend to her feet because she's at our home. And i get to kiss her in the morning before heading for work. But one time, I listened to her lungs.... I talked to my aunts. Che <i>is</i> and <i>will</i> deteriorate further, i said. If she suddenly gets really sick, what will we do? No hospital. That was the unanimous decision. As much as it was a heavy decision, but i felt the same. Hospital would be too much for her. But i prayed that no such event will happen for us to make that decision.</div>
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And <i>nothing</i> happened. She was sleeping that night. But her breathing was different. A bit heavier, that was what my cousins noticed. After midnight, Auntie finally called Mama. Auntie wasn't exactly sure, but she told Mama, Che looked a bit different. Hence, the knocks on the door that night before they left me at home. Mama and Abah didn't bring me with them because they were not sure of what was wrong, and was worried that i might be too tired for work the next day. But i was told, after a while of heavy breathing, suddenly Che was gone, after kalimah Allah. :'(</div>
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Che. The once grumpy grandmother with her very <i>pedas</i> words. She would rant about this and that, and made some of her grandchildren fearsome of her. But i saw through her. Despite her ranting about our <span style="color: #a64d79;">"</span><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">seluar apa panjang labuh ni, lipat tinggi-tinggi, nanti heret tahi ayam, nak sembahyang macam mana?"</span> - </i>making all of our trousers/ skirts lifted an inch before entering her room - she was a <i>big</i> softie.</div>
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I remembered years back, when i started kissing her on the cheeks, despite her annoyance; <span style="color: #a64d79;">"<i>Che busuk buat apa cium? Kenapa cium orang tua macam ni?"</i></span> But i still do. And eventually i realized that whenever i was about to go back after visiting her, she have this expectant gesture, saying that she is <i>busuk</i> but giving me her cheeks still, knowing that i will kiss her no matter what she says. Cute. :)</div>
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I will remember the summer days i spent with her, whenever i came back home from Dublin. We would count the years left till i graduate. And i will ask her to pray for me. <i><span style="color: #a64d79;">Che doa sokmo (selalu). </span></i>And i would cheekily ask her to pray for my <i>jodoh</i> too, asking her that she has to be healthy until the day i meet my Mr Right, because i wanted her to listen to the guy reciting the Quran in front of her, just like she did towards me. Cause sometimes she would ask me to recite Al-fatihah, or Al-kafirun when i'm in her room - fixing my A'in, and Qaf and Ra, always the wrong Ra. and it's always a huge accomplishment if i could recite the Quran with her listening, without any fixes. And she would also cheekily answer my requests: <span style="color: #a64d79;">"</span><i><span style="color: #a64d79;">Che doa sokmo yan boleh hok juruh (baik). Nanti baca doa ni lepas tu tiup kat orang Yan berkenan".</span> </i>:') Che and her antiques.</div>
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Sadly i didn't get to bring any Mr Right to you, but i take comfort knowing that whoever i get later on has always been someone who was a part of your prayers insyaAllah. And most importantly, i am blessed that your prayers were with me the whole journey of me becoming a doctor. And i believe whole-heartedly that without Che's prayers, i wouldn't even be where i am today, or who i am today. Thank you Che, because of your prayers, you have made us - your anak-anak and cucu and cicit- as who we are today. It's time for us, your grandchildren to do our part now. To be better Muslims, and send lots and lots of prayers for you insyaAllah.<br />
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<span style="color: #e06666;">You will forever be remembered as my cute grumpy Che.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Praying that i will meet you again in Jannah,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Aamiin wa insyaAllah.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">One who misses you so much,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">the cucu at your feet. :')</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTGsGpmQhKNzv5_AokYQdpfs6TxDzRg24FjlshONOvJIoHAZtV1_Lavd6KL-F1TTM1q2b-3JxzVi10FqaiY6DVMOmVGjyax8rwz24fq2TuxCK1jcDqV7ZElDakJRig0X_40h3q3NFaF7w/s1600/che.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTGsGpmQhKNzv5_AokYQdpfs6TxDzRg24FjlshONOvJIoHAZtV1_Lavd6KL-F1TTM1q2b-3JxzVi10FqaiY6DVMOmVGjyax8rwz24fq2TuxCK1jcDqV7ZElDakJRig0X_40h3q3NFaF7w/s1600/che.JPG" height="236" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">"Apabila seorang manusia mati, putuslah (tulisan pahala) amalan<br />kecuali tiga perkara (yang akan berlanjutan tulisan pahalanya) iaitu</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">sedekah jariah </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">atau ilmu yang memberi faedah kepada orang lain</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">atau anak yang soleh yang berdoa untuknya."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">[riwayat Imam Ahmad]</span></div>
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semoga doa anak-anak dan cucu-cucu Che diterima.<br />
Aamiin.</div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-31177695035515665452014-12-13T09:30:00.000+00:002014-12-13T09:55:27.208+00:00mind rant #26: A Jittery Start<div style="text-align: justify;">
This will pretty much be my last post before i am officially a working doctor. And perhaps it might take a long time before i could write the next one. All the feelings are there: nervous, excited, disbelief. We're pretty much at the very beginning of a new chapter in our lives that will change everything that we thought we were. Fuh. Dramatic betul ayat.</div>
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But to a certain extent, it is true. <span style="text-align: justify;">Cause we can only know who we really are by how we handle ourselves and others, when we are at our lowest or scariest. and housemanship training is<i> just</i> that.</span></div>
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I've just finished the 5-day-course PTM (Program Transformasi Minda). Google it up to know what it is. It had been a fun week, really. Overall i'd say it's a week full of realizations of who we really are now: adult, with responsibilities. And huge ones too. *peluh kecil*</div>
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But we had fun times too, seeing ourselves as who we are deep down inside: little kids at heart. Cause it's quite funny when you realize that these are actually hospital doctors that you are seeing on the stage: acting as 'not-well-in-the-head' people, dancing to cute songs, wearing those wolf and kambing masks, singing to songs with hands waving in the air. We had a good laugh together. So for fellow juniors who might stumble upon this entry looking for PTM experiences, don't be too scared, you'll pretty much enjoy it.</div>
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And now it's already less than 24 hours left before the real thing begins. Housemanship is a tough training, and is definitely not meant for the weak-hearted. If we think that those 6-7years of medical training was hard enough, this will be a whole different level altogether. We've heard enough scary stories to prepare ourselves mentally and physically, but we can never really expect what will happen in the near future. Or how would we even cope. Because despite the many stories heard, in the end everyone's experiences will all be different as we would all handle our situations differently.</div>
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So the easiest conclusion is always the most basic of all, to put our trust in Allah and do our best. It will be a struggling two years but set the right intention and seek Allah's help: All, The. Time. That we can do what we mean to do, and trust that Allah's help is always on the way. Just ask. That's my motivation at the moment, for i can't really plan for anything else. </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Ilmu milik Allah. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Skills pun milik Allah. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Hati orang pun milik Allah. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">And hati kita pun milik Allah. </span></div>
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So i'll do what i have to do, And leave everything else to The One who's always there for us. :) So do send me and my friends some doa for our new journey. </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">That our intention in this field of work is always in the right path.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">That our time and energy spent will be filled with barakah, most importantly.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">That we will meet people -be it colleagues, seniors or patients- </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">That we won't lose ourselves in the middle of it all.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">And that we'll go through all the little ups and downs safely </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">insyaaAllah wa biizdnillah. :)</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">PTM group 8</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Half of MRSM PC doctors<br />
batch 05/06/07</td></tr>
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and the truth is, Allah has already blessed us with an abundance of <i>ni'mat </i>even before we even started. Most of us got a place close enough to home, together with friends who we've known for forever. and now old friends are coming back together, and we even have new friends who are as awesome as the ones we already have. (note: there'll be another 65 people going into HRPZ II together with me tomorrow. heh) so it's pretty much unfair for me to complain of anything at the moment. nothing much i could say other than, Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. :) <br />
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before i end this rant, here's a doa i've been meaning to share for some time now. i've stumbled upon a section in the Quran a while back, it fits our moments of desperation perfectly i'd say. the time when you wished for everything but you just can't say it? and this doa somehow says it all and i loved every single bit of it. huhu. it is from a hadith:</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"Jika manusia menyimpan emas dan perak, maka simpankanlah kalimah-kalimah ini,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon ketetapan dalam menjalankan agama ini dan keteguhan dalam petunjuk.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Aku memohon kepadaMu agar aku dapat bersyukur terhadap nikmatMu.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Aku memohon kepadaMu agar dapat beribadah kepadaMu dengan sebaik-baiknya.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Aku memohon kepadaMu hati yang selamat dan lisan yang benar.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Aku memohon kepadaMu semua kebaikan yang Engkau ketahui.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Aku berlindung kepadaMu dari segala kejahatan yang Engkau ketahui.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Dan aku memohon keampunan kepadaMu dari segala dosa yang Engkau ketahui.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui semua yang ghaib".</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[Hadis riwayat Ahmad]</span></div>
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Ameen ya Rabb. :)</div>
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good luck everyone. </div>
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may the odds be ever in your favour. *wink*</div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-3875867982854297222014-11-20T09:41:00.000+00:002014-11-20T09:41:27.539+00:00Redha<div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span><span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQrgha39M-zaIdaSLfblKlqETzwx0xep-WuNfpGBHg5XqoOkWIg8SBapAtnvPQM7Gh8rH_160boup6dmqJxbfgmeVZS-Xl-BAv0wWe63QW900nx1TDZYkTxQC2MMeFna4aA16fOiaETk/s640/blogger-image--1079125667.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQrgha39M-zaIdaSLfblKlqETzwx0xep-WuNfpGBHg5XqoOkWIg8SBapAtnvPQM7Gh8rH_160boup6dmqJxbfgmeVZS-Xl-BAv0wWe63QW900nx1TDZYkTxQC2MMeFna4aA16fOiaETk/s640/blogger-image--1079125667.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Redha; </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">means to wholeheartedly accept whatever decisions that Allah s.w.t. has decided upon us.</span> </div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I was busying myself with treating Che (grandmom)'s foot that night. And by treating i meant those really simple stuff actually: removing bits here and there, cleaning the skin, rubbing it till it bleeds a bit, pressing the skin, applying antibiotic creams, putting on gauze etc. She has diabetic foot ulcer. Anyway, the TV was switched on in the background, which i was not really paying much attention to. But i caught on some words now and then. I think it was probably a show similar to 'Bersamamu' or something, where they show stories of those who are less fortunate than us. So at that time, it was a story of a single mother, trying to raise her kids who are handicapped. Two of them are mentally and physically handicapped if i'm not mistaken, and the youngest was the only one who went to school. The little one herself suffers from depression. And then I lifted my head to watch a few seconds worth of footage when they interviewed the mother. She looked close to 60:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">"Makcik redha hidup macam ni sebab ini yang Tuhan tentukan."</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">(I accept this life as it is, as this is Allah's will)</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">and i silently continued wrapping Che's foot, with a new-formed tug in the heart.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">My parents went to visit a recently orphaned siblings. Eight of them. They were all still in school, the eldest being 16. Their dad died a few years back, and now the mother died recently. From an accident. Their step-dad couldn't afford to support all of them, but he did take the two youngest children with him. He does come by and visit the step-children now and then, since the mother passed away. So the 6 are left living with their old grandparents. The house looked okay, Alhamdulillah, but it was inevitably pretty empty. Mama took some photos with them, and i see these beautiful faces smiling back. <i>Genuine</i> smiles, together with their grandparents. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">Redha.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">My little sister has this cute gang of her back in highschool. I knew all of them, though i haven't had the chance to meet them as much as i wanted to. My parents knew their parents. The girls even cried when they all have to go their separate ways for college. The furthest one is currently in USA. She's so smart that she gets to study abroad way earlier than the others. And last night, her mother died. Innalillahi wainna ilaihi raajiuun. Apparently her mother had been sick for over a month now, and she was actually planning on coming back to Malaysia this December. But things happened too fast. Listening to what she went through while her mother was sick, broke my heart to million pieces. She texted my little sister this morning:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">"My mom died. Can you tell the others?"</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">She just turned 18 this year. She is the eldest daughter in her family, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">with nine younger ones trailing behind her.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">Redha.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">"Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu."</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">They are words that i often utter whenever i feel life is a tad bit difficult for me. Whenever i feel like things are not going my way. Whenever there are turns of events that i didn't expect. But these stories, made me feel so ashamed of myself. Of how different my 'redha' is, as compared to theirs. Of how easily those words slipped from my mouth, when i'm not yet even tested.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Their 'redha' requires a whole lot more: patience, will, strength, and perhaps things that i could never imagined. I can never, ever understand how does it feel like to be in their shoes. But I can only offer them prayers, that with their 'redha', Allah s.w.t will grant them with so much more, if not here in this world, then most certainly in the Hereafter. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">May Allah ease everyone's sufferings and burdens.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">May Allah guide our hearts and mind, in times that we needed Him most.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">Dan semoga Allah Redha, terhadap hamba-hambaNya yang redha dengan ketentuanNya.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Al-fatihah.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">ps: To my little sister in USA, i wish i can give you a warm hug now. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">But do'a is what i can send you for now. :'(</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">أُولَٰئِكَ عَلَيْهِمْ صَلَوَاتٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَرَحْمَةٌ وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُونَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"Dan sungguh akan Kami berikan cobaan kepadamu, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">(yaitu) orang-orang yang apabila ditimpa musibah, mereka mengucapkan: </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"Inna lillaahi wa innaa ilaihi raaji'uun". </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Mereka itulah yang mendapat keberkatan yang sempurna </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">dan rahmat </span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">dari Tuhan mereka </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">dan mereka itulah orang-orang yang mendapat petunjuk.</span><span style="color: #e06666;"> "</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[2:155-157]</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-9972584456717830242014-10-06T23:30:00.000+01:002014-10-07T10:45:28.035+01:0025<div style="text-align: center;">
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I have now reached my 25th year of living, as if the title and the picture aren't making it any more obvious. =_="</div>
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Point aside, Alhamdulillah, for everything. :)</div>
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As the years add on, the celebration gets less fancier. Well, at least that's how it is in my life, according to my yearly birthday posts. heh. It's a quite one this year, no cakes, no surprises, just being contented that i am a 25-year-old lady still enjoying the comfort of a beautiful home with my two beloved parents, who if i may add, are in good health. And that, is a huge nikmat that i am very much thankful for.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">my birthday conversation over breakfast:</span></div>
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parents: happy birthday sayang :)</div>
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me: thank you.</div>
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parents: yan nak apa tahun ni?</div>
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me: kasih sayang.</div>
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parents: ok. </div>
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Since i have nothing much to say about birthdays, i thought of sharing something that i learnt from a book. Instead of waiting for facebook notifications as my birthday approaches (as suggested by the witty Pika) i actually spent them trying to finish off the last few pages of the book that i have been reading: And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini.</div>
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For anyone who are intending to read it, i'll try my best to not spoil it for you. I've been reading the book for a few weeks actually. I often read a huge chunk of it, and then leaving it laying around for days before continuing on, hence, the longer time it took for me to finish it. Mind you, not being glued to it daily doesn't mean it's not a good book, cause now that i have finished it, it's now my favourite one, finally kicking The Time Traveller's Wife from my top spot.</div>
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Despite its awesomeness, and the countless heart-breaking moments that the stories left me with, i haven't cried at all while reading it, unlike all my other favourite books. So when i decided to finish the few pages that's left, i never expected any work coming from my tear-factory but oh boy, it did. A bucketload of them. And it's all just because of the few last paragraphs. How could a book broke your heart yet left you loving it? That's pure talent of Mr Khaled. *clap clap*</div>
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So why did i love the book so much? The stories in the book are of so many different characters who are intertwined with one another, and yet they live such different lives. And as i was reading it they all had one thing in common: </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">they are all struggling. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Against love, against family,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">against work, against poverty, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">against greed, against goodwill etc. </span></div>
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The ending was even confusing, it was really meant for the benefit of the readers, not the characters. Despite an ending that broke my heart (which also left a huge patch of tears on Mama's pillow *sorry mama*) somehow i am contented with it, because that's how reality is, how life is. </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">It's not perfect. It's flawed, and it always will be. </span></div>
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So unlike the world that we are living in at the moment, where people are always posting online their happy lives, and happy pictures; reality is far from reaching any perfection. So these little bits of life that are being shown <i>to</i> us and <i>by</i> us, are only what it is: <i>bits</i>. Often we are either blinding others with these bits or are the ones blinded <i>by</i> them. Hence forgetting a simple fact that <i>all</i> of us have our own struggles, big or small: sick families, broken relationships, a shitload of work, crazy clients, back-stabbing friends, <i>harga minyak naik tengah2 malam</i> *woops-slip-of-mouth*. The list goes on. And yet, we still love looking into others' happiness just to find some faults in our own, forgetting all the <i>nikmat</i> that Allah has bestowed upon us. </div>
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So being reminded of things like this from a book, is actually quite refreshing. Making me less worried, and a little more hopeful for the things that i am facing at the moment: too much free time that's eating away what little is left of my brain-cells, <i>jiwa kosong </i>due to the lack of reminders<i>,</i> traumatizing over when will i start my work at the hospital and how scary it will be, parent's worrying (or was it me imagining things?) over my lack of potential suitors *<i>heh nak jugak mention</i>*. may i remind you, that these are just some small concerns that i'm willing to share. tip of the iceberg, so to speak. But I know for a fact that in someone else's point of view, perhaps my 'iceberg' won't even fit any of the 'struggling criteria' to even be called one, but who are we to compare? we all lead very different lives, hence the different <i>ujian. </i>Some need physical strength to face theirs, some mentally and others emotionally. we are in no place to judge what others are facing. what may be small to us, may be huge to others, and vice versa. </div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">In the end, i realized that i've only tasted a little bit of bitterness in life, but i know that there will definitely be more coming my way. Am i prepared for it</span>? Wallahua'lam. I hope i am, with Allah's help and by Allah's will. After all, this short-life is only a test. Let's just hope we all ace it enough to have that beautiful shiny ending called Jannah. :)</div>
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and here's a huge reminder to keep us all going:</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوا أَن يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan (saja) mengatakan: </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">"Kami telah beriman", sedang mereka tidak diuji lagi?"</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[29:2]</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">cause life isn't life, without <i>ujian</i>.</span></div>
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Ps: i'd like to thank everyone for the lovely wishes and most importantly the du'a that you have been making, i pray that Allah accepts from me and you. Jazakumullahu khayr and Eid Mubarak peeps! :)<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN02fZOB4VMUvgFpjoD-xqMkbkMnWSFAiRlTxwq_oR7hLTCMUgQJQe5QBL2M27Rvgy25fTNlPFnaqMXWyLyaqtSspsr3C2jT_6Wlgsav9vUBuBRGwftdmxQx9QbJpKbWLHYj5x5HC0woU/s1600/collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN02fZOB4VMUvgFpjoD-xqMkbkMnWSFAiRlTxwq_oR7hLTCMUgQJQe5QBL2M27Rvgy25fTNlPFnaqMXWyLyaqtSspsr3C2jT_6Wlgsav9vUBuBRGwftdmxQx9QbJpKbWLHYj5x5HC0woU/s1600/collage.jpg" height="262" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*yes. the parents love blinking at the exact same time the shutter clicks*<br />
*cubaan pose remaja to deny my aging process*</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoEZC-VCORx8MQyk6qqn8K8gW5TjGgDDn6SAplGsBAuwliTHqQ_kNeeiN1Wg7NRn_OjbBUmonD35TjhR36nX9gLX7VcJ5QKab7SIVwUFvjFssIRzvvULn2iA7SqptN0-V1SIVfaC2Bjg/s1600/collage_20141007151117933.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoEZC-VCORx8MQyk6qqn8K8gW5TjGgDDn6SAplGsBAuwliTHqQ_kNeeiN1Wg7NRn_OjbBUmonD35TjhR36nX9gLX7VcJ5QKab7SIVwUFvjFssIRzvvULn2iA7SqptN0-V1SIVfaC2Bjg/s1600/collage_20141007151117933.jpg" height="320" width="282" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*our EidulAdha this year*</td></tr>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-4307908346663959502014-08-29T07:19:00.000+01:002014-08-29T07:19:38.805+01:00Blending In<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data2.whicdn.com/images/76599811/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://data2.whicdn.com/images/76599811/large.jpg" height="640" width="424" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_14092929024827&key=df797c6edb7c14f9b66bc241a31bf453&libId=6f03628a-f00a-452c-ade5-1c77c82dd352&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fweheartit.com%2Fentry%2F76599811%2Fvia%2Fizyanariff&v=1&out=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fphoto.php%3Ffbid%3D509496335807003%26set%3Da.387959364627368.92079.156675427755764%26type%3D1%26relevant_count%3D1%26ref%3Dnf&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fweheartit.com%2Fizyanariff&title=The%20Jigsters%20Space%20%7C%20via%20Facebook%20%7C%20We%20Heart%20It&txt=%0A%20%20%20%20%3Cimg%20alt%3D%22The%20Jigsters%20Space%20%20%7C%20via%20Facebook%22%20class%3D%22full-size%22%20src%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fdata2.whicdn.com%2Fimages%2F76599811%2Flarge.jpg%22%3E%0A" target="_blank"><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: x-small;">*linked*</span></a></div>
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As i'm dusting off this little old blog, i realized that it's been roughly 2 months since i came back home for good to Malaysia. And truth be told, i haven't been sitting at home leading the sedentary lifestyle that i thought i would. I have been going back and forth to the airport close to a dozen times now. Other than the 10-day-trip to Utagha to visit my friends, everything else was unplanned. I just got home yesterday, but i was already booking the next flight to Kuala Lumpur. By now i feel almost exhausted, often only having less than a week at home before i head off to KL again. Nevertheless, on the bright side, abah and mama usually always ended up joining me. And we all get to spend time together, watching the 3 munchkins a.k.a Boolats getting bigger by the day.</div>
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So this little background story is the reason to why i haven't had the time to actually sit down and write anything properly. But it's also the reason to the abundance of stories and reflections that are safely stored in my tiny brain at the moment. Contrary to how i was back in Dublin, where the people that i would talk to would mostly be in a hospital setting, my recent travels have led me to meet so many different people in different environments. From extended families, to old and new friends, to random cashiers and even an Indonesian stranger on the train.</div>
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I find myself trying to blend in, into the different groups that i am with at any given time. The topics that we talk about, our body language, our choices of words, our facial expressions, the jokes that we make; they all changed accordingly to the ones in front of us. Not because we're insecure with ourselves, but sometimes out of respect to the people we meet. And it's just common sense, that we'd start off a chat with someone by finding a common ground with them; be it the weather (albeit it being the most boring topic of all), the mutual friend that we have etc. But interestingly enough, on rare occasions, i met those who did otherwise. </div>
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They talk <i>only</i> about what<i> they </i>wanted to, mainly anything that revolves around them: their work, their ideas, their lifestyle and whatever awesome things that they have in their possession. Sometimes they even use big bombastic words in simple conversations, not even waiting for any signs of comprehension from the other party. And this, sadly enough, leads to this feeling of awkwardness, or that feeling of a huge invisible wall in between, or worse, when <i>we </i>-the listeners- find ourselves attempting to leave in the middle of the conversation, literally or not. </div>
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The social cues were there, when somehow the person you're talking to have <i>nothing</i> to say in response to what you're saying. Not because they don't want to, but because they just couldn't. Some may say; "oh come on.. Some people are just not that good at talking." But the thing is, i think we all can agree that there's a huge difference between those who can't talk, and those who can. Being on a less <i>husnudzon</i> pace, i tried to understand the reason why some people just chose to create this awkwardness in conversations, and i came to one conclusion: </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">When we talk to impress, rather then to converse.</span></div>
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Because conversing is always a two-way communication, whilst impressing is a one-way <i>yak</i>. We want to <i>look</i> good, we want to <i>feel</i> good, we want to let everyone knows what <i>we</i> did good. Hence, we ended up talking about nothing but <i>everything</i> that revolves around us.</div>
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It's a rather sad personality for anyone to have, <i>naudzubillah.</i> Hence, let's pray to Allah to be protected from this <i>sifat mazmumah</i>. I don't even know why, but i have met too much of these people lately that it seems a given that i should remind myself of this small little mistake that we might have made in our daily lives, with or without realising it. </div>
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And maybe, just maybe, </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">blending in isn't such a bad thing after all. </span></div>
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Wallahua'lam.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Be cautious with our words.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Be cautious with our acts.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">For Allah is the Ever-Watchful.</span></div>
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Astaghfirullah. Wa atuubuilaih.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">لَا تَفْرَحْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ الْفَرِحِينَ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">"Janganlah kamu terlalu bangga; </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyukai orang-orang yang terlalu membanggakan diri".</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">[28:76]</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-79061897929256843422014-07-23T01:35:00.001+01:002014-08-29T07:19:38.810+01:00Deaths of 17th<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span><br />
<a href="http://data1.whicdn.com/images/127695620/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://data1.whicdn.com/images/127695620/large.jpg" height="638" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://weheartit.com/entry/127695620" target="_blank">linked</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>17th July 2014.</b></span></div>
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A day that will forever be remembered in history, as the world was shocked with two devastating news;</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">the MH17 tragedy.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">and the start of the ground invasion in Gaza.</span></div>
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Innalillahi wainna ilaihi raajiuun</div>
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***********</div>
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My name is Evie Maslin. I was 10 years old when I died on the 17th of July 2014. I was a part of the MH17 tragedy, which has cost me my life, the lives of my two brothers Mo and Otis, and my dear grandfather, alongside 294 other people. I would never have known that the world will know me after my death. For our pictures are being pasted on the front page of countless newspapers. Many now even knew who we were; how charismatic I was, how clever Mo was at school, and how that strange little Otis was actually a brilliant kid. People all around the world are making prayers for us, but don't worry, cause we're now safely and happily in Heaven. But I do hope that you'll send some prayers to my beloved parents; to lose all of us this way is something that shouldn't happen to any parent. So thank you, world. For you have been kind enough to keep me in your prayers.</div>
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My name is Fulla Shhaibar. And I was 8 years old when I died on the 17th of July 2014. I was a part of the oppressed in the occupation of Palestine, and I died on the day Israel decided to start the ground invasion of Gaza. On that same day, my two other siblings were also killed; Jihad was 10 years old, and Wassim was 9 years old, but i bet nobody knew that. We were killed, together with so many others that day. But maybe most of the world doesn't even care about us, as many don't even know how we died. </div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Were we shot at our heads?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Were we buried under the rubble from the shelling by the Israelis? </span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">Were we bombed full-on, tearing our limbs apart? </span></div>
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But at least our bodies were recognizable, that our names make it into the registered deaths in Gaza; which has now amounted to 600 people. Most of them are little kids like me. But don't worry about us, because we are now safely and happily in Heaven, too.</div>
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But I do wish that people would pray for us a little bit more. For the other friends my age who died before me, and for those who are being killed now and the ones who might be killed later on. I know that my death and so many others are no longer something new. We were being killed for years now, but it seems like the world didn't know this before. Because we were never in the newspapers. Even if we were, it would be mentioned in that little column in the corner. We were rarely mentioned in the news. And i guess nobody will know us for who we were; </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">what our dreams were, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">how bubbly i was, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">how funny Wassim was, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">or how witty Jihad was. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Nobody will know that. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Nobody will know any of the kids who died in Gaza.</span></div>
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But I hope that the world is starting to know this now, because the world has changed. For it seems like people are starting to wake up from all the lies that have been fed into them. I was so happy to see so many people who are starting to stand up behind us Palestinians. So dear world, i hope you would not sleep again this time around. Do wake up and see for yourself of what's happening to Gaza. And wake the others around you, too.</div>
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And lastly, </div>
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Please, send Gaza some prayers.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"Du'a is a weapon of a Muslim,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">a Pillar of Deen and the light of skies and earth."</span></div>
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[hadith]</div>
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***********</div>
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I have nothing else to say lately. the abundant videos, photos, and statements from witnesses have left me speechless and numb. and i know it's not just me. I'm writing this just to remind myself and others.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Let's do our part. Muslims and non-Muslims.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">This is not about religion, this is about humanity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #990000;">Free</span>. <span style="color: #134f5c;">Free</span>. Palestine.</b></span></div>
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Astaghfirullah.</div>
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Waatuubu ilaih.</div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-17345231801535876102014-06-28T14:59:00.001+01:002014-08-29T07:19:59.793+01:00A Chunk of Metal: Part I<div align="center" dir="LTR" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Leave your country in search of loftiness</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">And travel! For in travel there are five benefits,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Relief of adversity and earning of livelihood</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">And knowledge and etiquettes and noble companionship</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">[Imam Shafiie]</span></div>
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I've had the chance to travel a bit right after we finished our final exams, after receiving our results, Alhamdulillah. I wanted to go to Paris. So i half-begged half-manipulated my musketeers (anak-anak Zainol) to accompany me there. For they have been there a few times before with other friends. I've been there once too, back in my first year, but at that time i wanted to fulfil my childhood princess dreams that i only spent my days in the Disneyland.</div>
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But anyway, we planned a quick and short <i>and</i> cheapest trip as possible. And Epah, another batch-mate of ours wanted to tag along too. My aim was pretty simple, i wanted to spend my days travelling with my bestfriends, for the last time. And another is to see that Eiffel tower for myself. To figure out what it's all about really.</div>
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And we did a 2-day handbagging vacation, cause each of us brought sufficient amount of stuff to put into our handbags. It was great I'd say, and the weather was very helpful for beautiful pictures alhamdulillah. We even went to the same places within the 2 days, cause apparently, Paris is not all that big. Ok, i think it's enough of the trip's introduction for now.</div>
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So on the last day there, right before we headed to the bus stop that will bring us to the airport, we decided to kill time sitting at the garden (i don't really know the name of that place, but i'm sure it does have one) across the Eiffel Tower. The weather was beautiful so we joined the <i>mat salehs, </i>sitting around enjoying the cool breeze and watching so many different kinds of people -tourists from everywhere- walking past by.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"In the end, people from all over came to see a huge chunk of metal." </span></div>
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Ika suddenly blurted out.</div>
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and we laughed together realizing how true it is. It really <i>is</i> an overrated huge chunk of metal. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place to visit, but i think coming here with the right mindset is very important. We had a somewhat deep conversation together under the shades while trying to avoid the harsh sunlight. I was thankful, that i came together with my friends. <i>Aaand</i> with a tight budget. So we did what all travellers do; We eat cheap food, stayed at cheap hotels, took the cheapest transport possible and all the other cheap stuff -though perhaps not the Laduree macaroons. <i>That, </i>was also totally overrated. I didn't even know such a name exist till the day we actually ate them. Heh. Quoting a friend of mine - <i>"lepat pisang lagi best" </i>hehe.</div>
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I guess we all can agree now that we have been spoon-fed with all the glamours and glitz that people talked about whenever Paris is mentioned. And perhaps too much of those, got into our heads, and into our actions. Cause during our trip, we actually met a bunch of Malaysians; most if not all, would often avoid our gaze, and some even made me wonder if i actually had the Invisibility Cloak on or something. Perhaps giving <i>Salaam</i> somehow hurt them? Or smiling back is quite a difficult facial expression for them? Or was it our shabby looks, that didn't fit the description of "Paghi: the city for fashionistas only". *sigh* wallahua'lam. </div>
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And while we were travelling, Ika mentioned about how some Malaysian blogs showed the type of stuff they do when they come to Paris. Things like getting chauffeurs around, going shopping for Prada and Gucci and whatnot, together with pictures of them stepping out of vintage-looking cars just outside of Eiffel Tower, with clothes straight out of the latest fashion magazines. <i>And</i> let's not even mention the bright red lipstick. Heh. When we went back to Dublin, i looked into the so-called blogs and really did found myself dumb-founded by the '<i>reality</i>' that these blogs bring. Well perhaps for those with money, maybe they <i>are</i> the stuff that comes to mind when we mention Paris. But for mere human beings like us, trust me, it's just a normal travelling experience. And don't worry, not everyone looks like a model when they come here. :)</div>
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My point to this all, is that sometimes we get too caught up with these overrated stuff that we read off the internet or magazines or from movies that we watched, that we all drown ourselves in our fantasies, and forget what travelling essentially is. And Paris is sadly one of those places that succumbed to these dreamy ideas. So when we go there, sometimes i think we held our heads up too high, acting all posh, dismissing everyone who seems 'less' than us. </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">City of love? </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">I'd say it really is a a city full of people <i>thinking</i> they are in love. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">Fashion trend-setters? </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">I'd rather wear jackets in the cold breeze rather than attempting to brave it just to look cool in the cameras. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">I'd opt for a little smile just to acknowledge one another. *sigh*</span></div>
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So i guess that is why i was totally grateful for travelling there together with my friends just like the way we did- <i>the college student style</i>. no glamour. And definitely no glitz. We did exactly what travelers do wherever they go; experience the place, the people, the food, and take back home some lessons learnt for life. There's more to travelling than just the pictures that we took. Look around us; the scenes, the people we encountered, fellow travelers like us, the histories of the places that we visit, and the list goes on. but inevitably our generation is somehow slowly fading away into the lands of selfies and instagrams, just like what the social media taught us to. Yes, pictures are great for the memories. But won't it be too much of a waste if that's all that we gained from our travels? </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">For all the money that we saved and spent to go there, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">and yet we gained <i>so little</i> spiritually. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Something worth pondering upon isn't it?</span></div>
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Wallahua'lam.</div>
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Ps: this post really does kick me back in the gut. A huge self-reminder for someone who took lots of pictures there. Haish.. *peluh kecil* And here's one of our own at the garden where this whole post came to mind. :P thank you girls. For being the best travel companions one could ever ask for. :)</div>
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Alhamdulillah ala kulli ni'mah.</div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-77103360235393791792014-06-25T21:35:00.002+01:002014-08-29T07:20:28.309+01:00Mind rant #25: A Jumble of Thoughts<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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It's been a while. A long while, i'd say. I plugged in my earphones and put the song of my blog on replay. I missed this feeling, really. Cause i would often write my thoughts with this particular music on. Life has been hectic. Alhamdulillah, we graduated on the 5th of June 2014. My whole big family arrived about a week prior to that, and I have been blessed enough to spend those 15days with them. And right after that it's packing time, and mind you, it ain't easy putting 5 years of girly stuff into a few boxes. So yes, life has been packed. As much as it is a blessing, for being able to do all this, for being able to end our 5 years in Dublin, we realized - i talked to Pika about this - that 'hectic' is a scary word. </div>
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Cause we do find ourselves a little bit further from Him; </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">a little less of the Quran, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">missed Tahajjud and so on. </span></div>
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Astaghfirullah. It's not the best thing to share, i know. But it really did happened. :(</div>
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But now that the 'hectic'ness is almost over - we have packed all our stuff - we are only counting days before we leave Dublin for good. And we're planning on going down the memory lane for the last few days we have here, reminding ourselves of what has taken place in these 5 years that has somewhat built us as who we are today. :)</div>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">Ramadhan</span></u></div>
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Ramadhan is now literally around the corner. i guess everyone is having that fluttering feel inside their tummy now. it's always a nervous feeling before Ramadhan. when the countdown begins i would always have that worry at the back of my mind, if i'm able to reach it? if the last Ramadhan was actually my last? but with those worries, come doa, right? so here's to praying that we are able to reach the days of Ramadhan with our loved ones and Muslims all around, and that we'd live throughout the holy month, and gain as much as we can from it, for it's Allah's Gift, for those who seek for Him, insyaAllah.</div>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">Writing</span></u></div>
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And for the next few posts, i might just do a little bit of <i>throwbacks</i> here and there. Cause so much has gone through my mind, yet i wasn't able to write it down. I was blessed enough to do a lot of travelling over the weeks since i finished Med school, and with it, came many stories that was best to reflect upon. So here's to praying that i <i>will</i> write some good reminders soon, insyaAllah.</div>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">Mothers</span></u></div>
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Too much blessings have been coming my way, that i did find my thoughts wandering off occasionally, when will the next <i>ujian </i>(test)<i> </i>that Allah may give me, cause we all know that life is only a test. But it did came. I got a call from my parents saying my beloved grandmother is quite sick at the moment. Going from bad to worse in only a day. So if anyone actually comes across this post, do send some prayers for her; <i>semoga Allah panjangkan umur Che</i>. <i>semoga Allah ringankan sakit Che. </i>I still have many days before i'm back home, i pray that Allah let me be with her like He always does. And that Che is able to see her granddaughter<i> </i>finally becoming a doctor like she always prayed for. :'( Ameen.</div>
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And today is Mama's birthday. I didn't even remember it during the phonecalls we had. A twist of fate isn't it? cause Mama's birthday is definitely a day to thank Che most importantly, for enduring everything to bring Mama to our world. May Allah eases everything for the both of them; both the ladies of my life. Ameen wa insyaAllah. :'(</div>
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Jazakumullahukhayr.</div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-83557844588430280092014-05-17T17:37:00.001+01:002014-08-29T07:19:59.808+01:00Second Phone Calls<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span></div>
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My parents called me today. And they asked me some small things that they are worried about. But because i've explained it to them quite a few times before i found myself brushing off the whole thing, and explaining it again to them half-heartedly. Though it may not sound that way, but i know that during that phone call, i was actually annoyed.</div>
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Later on, i was texting my brother when he said that they were asking him the same thing, and he became a bit annoyed too. Eventually he had to call them again, cause he felt bad for the way he talks in the first one, hence the need to apologise. And eventually i found myself doing the same thing too;</div>
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This is not a rare thing, really. It's apparent isn't it? That we are always doing less to those who are close to us, those who we love. We are less cautious with the words that we use, often hurting them at the end of our conversations. We are less in control of our emotions, easily bursting into anger or out of annoyance at any given time. We are less <i>sabar</i> with anything that they do, huffing and puffing whenever we feel like we want to.</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">of what we would do for strangers.</span> </div>
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Cause with strangers we keep our face lit up, even with the most boring conversation ever. With strangers we keep all our emotions in check, even if they do or say the stupidest of things. It's this weird mechanics that we have inside us. It's not a bad thing of course, we <i>should</i> be properly-mannered human beings. But it's just a bit sad to acknowledge that we are not that <i>'well-behaved'</i> with those who we are close to. And the reason to this, as much as we'd hate to admit it;</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Is because we take things for granted, too easily.</span></div>
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But i guess it's one of the many flaws that we have in us (or is it just me and my brother? *awkward silence*). And admitting we have flaws doesn't get the job done either, unless we make a mental-note to ourselves that we should do better than that, and <i>act on it.</i> Which i guess explains the second phone calls that we have to make.</div>
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So i guess i'm writing this time to remind ourselves to be more thankful with <i>what</i> we have, and <i>who </i>we have; hence guiding ourselves to be a better person to them, as well as for our own sake; when we have to answer to Allah s.w.t one day. And more importantly, to remind myself of my mistakes, and here's to hoping that there will be less 'second phone calls' in the future, insyaAllah. :)</div>
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*******</div>
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i called them back, said sorry and did my explanation but i was brushed off; When abah passed the phone to mama a little quicker than he normally does. And mama said "<i>Oh takde apa-apa la yan..."</i> (Oh, it's nothing Yan.) Followed by this silence.</div>
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"Mama, what are you guys doing? Are you watching movies?"</div>
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"<i>Aah. oooh tu die datang da</i>" (Yup. oooh here he comes)</div>
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- referring to whoever psychopathic dude in the thriller movie that they are watching. </div>
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yes, my phone call was actually disturbing them. hehe.</div>
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They may not have noticed it at all, and wasn't even hurt with whatever that we said. But it's important for <i>us</i> to realize when <i>we</i> have actually stepped out of our lines, and to<i> always</i> apologize whenever we do. I guess as much as we want to avoid making those second phone calls, perhaps it might not be that bad at all. Cause at least we still have a heart to even make one, rather than nothing at all. *wink*</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">“All the children of Adam constantly err, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">but the best of those who constantly err are those who constantly repent.” </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79;">[hadith At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad]</span></div>
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to forgive and ask for forgiveness, always.</div>
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let's do this lads!</div>
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<br /></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-47999052331529768222014-05-03T21:40:00.000+01:002014-08-29T07:20:28.305+01:00Mind rant #24: The Climb<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHY5a_SjPzkhXghT3rFTq3eOBoexN-bvbr9At1HR54aXloqRk1A7S9KRhn-RiosGW4JdzuF9LHOoN-TgsSDfT6s2TrqRYXSwXq-8r667OxZoHJYvfDixqL7jK5Q27-RgnNbbLg65tBO9U/s1600/climbing_20140410184813443.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHY5a_SjPzkhXghT3rFTq3eOBoexN-bvbr9At1HR54aXloqRk1A7S9KRhn-RiosGW4JdzuF9LHOoN-TgsSDfT6s2TrqRYXSwXq-8r667OxZoHJYvfDixqL7jK5Q27-RgnNbbLg65tBO9U/s1600/climbing_20140410184813443.jpg" height="319" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">mount Bray :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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For being able to write this post, i thank Allah s.w.t.</div>
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For being able to experience this, i thank Allah s.w.t.</div>
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For the chances that i had, the people that i encountered, i thank Allah s.w.t</div>
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For all the doa i have received, from known and unknown ones, </div>
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Jazakumullahu khayr, only Allah is able to repay you back.</div>
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I am certainly sure that without these doa, i will never be where i am today.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Truly, Allah is the best planner of all.</span></div>
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This, perhaps will be one of my longest rants of all. But i just have to write it down, i <i>need</i> to write it down. I hope that it will somehow benefit or even inspire others, but most importantly it is to remind the future me, who will one day be at her lowest point in life, that once, Allah had blessed me with what i wanted, letting me reach the peak of a long and difficult climb. And to keep myself in gratitude, with what He has given me. InsyaAllah.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">For truly with hardship comes ease.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Truly with hardship comes ease.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[94:5]</span></div>
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Again, i remind you that this is a very long rant. So i thank anyone who's willing to read this. And for those who're not that willing, i thank you anyway for still reading up to this point. And if you could do me a favour to scroll down to the very bottom, and pray for me and friends? Jazakumullahu khayr.</div>
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<br /></div>
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This, is a chapter of my life. So here goes;</div>
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***************</div>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">Professional Completion Module</span></u></div>
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We came back from our holidays/electives to start this last module of our 5-years of medical school. It will lasts for 10-weeks. And we all knew that time will fly, so so fast, and it really did! As scary as it had been though, we did enjoy ourselves in between. Listening to talks from the consultants about life as interns, they really do give you that boost of energy that you need. All the while trying to remind us to enjoy our last moments as students.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFp340Z9mTm-umRZFWza3HvnkRuGkKO3T9F3ITI5pULNhdxoc6Qbjy3Cel_YrHb3QBXaJU3D39tUZRd0eFC9Msm48kZ5kC9-arIhfB1SSSISCrOd0M_4G36LZh4xRlQs8VlO-Dy2Wp04A/s1600/collage_20140315191650697.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFp340Z9mTm-umRZFWza3HvnkRuGkKO3T9F3ITI5pULNhdxoc6Qbjy3Cel_YrHb3QBXaJU3D39tUZRd0eFC9Msm48kZ5kC9-arIhfB1SSSISCrOd0M_4G36LZh4xRlQs8VlO-Dy2Wp04A/s1600/collage_20140315191650697.jpg" height="152" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSo6G1BFR8uoMKgJ0PqYCJOAUFvWInYe4r2_z7CWWrLef2sWMSa0anFR3ltnX7oTa84LndYHamxlAHQxQrwC34K6p3OXBx5UcT2Bm1mUaZC8AgGa20oMpxIXEtCylooHX4zTDQk5hhao4/s1600/collage_20140418140004216.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSo6G1BFR8uoMKgJ0PqYCJOAUFvWInYe4r2_z7CWWrLef2sWMSa0anFR3ltnX7oTa84LndYHamxlAHQxQrwC34K6p3OXBx5UcT2Bm1mUaZC8AgGa20oMpxIXEtCylooHX4zTDQk5hhao4/s1600/collage_20140418140004216.jpg" height="367" width="400" /></a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDHv0SflZWymXwamd_518M9x3qn5sqkA9i3Qx3xfggVplzs-wFA9Dlm_Ft3qg7ViSD7Gi4uDhHV731qCD5-SDg50f5CGGDUI1eWrbO5mrUVygGeytaPSkheNRNnFLWsUiXrdILFNonohk/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDHv0SflZWymXwamd_518M9x3qn5sqkA9i3Qx3xfggVplzs-wFA9Dlm_Ft3qg7ViSD7Gi4uDhHV731qCD5-SDg50f5CGGDUI1eWrbO5mrUVygGeytaPSkheNRNnFLWsUiXrdILFNonohk/s1600/5.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*here's us (with anak-anak Zainol) enjoying ourselves here and there. with ice creams and flowers*</span></td></tr>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">Study groups</span></u></div>
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We weren't the best at sticking to study groups. We never really had any when we were in our pre-clinical years and even during our clinical years. Until we realized that finals are coming up so we really have to get our heads into this, or else we'll get left behind. So together with the anak-anak Zainol (pika and ika), we'd be studying everyday, going through whatever topics that we decided on. Ika's smallest bedroom is our main port. With ika at her desk, and I will be perched in the most backache-inducing position on ika's bed; with pika on the other end of the bed with her own unhealthy-posture. This was our routine.<br />
<br />
Our little group is called the Flame and Moths, cause both me and ika will somehow do whatever that Pika asks. Hence, the theory, that she is the Flame that all Moths are attracted to. heh. Sometimes we even wondered if she possesses any black magic to lure us in. Hmm. And on weekends we'll head to the James Joyce Library, now back to our '3 Musketeers and a Zorro' (fitri hakim) group. And Akem will always ended up taking our pictures by the end of it. :P towards the remaining days, the girls (Suha and Ecah) came by and sleep at our house, to study together like we always do for the past exams we had :)</div>
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Sorry, i really don't want to forget all this, that's why i'm writing it all down. But here's the main point, the only way for you to ever get through med school, is by study groups.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Trust me. We're not meant to live alone. :)</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666;">and again i thank Allah for blessing me with them.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOhty-sUq71cCWnBde6rnXbbkjAV3JlcsHvpOiHtw0ACsbuH9aEIwBtZ-UcX-XIVTH8ID0h28UcajlHWFNsw30vGyK2jKMf7HgENoAxD6RR7q7msZevFAb7XLMP4D3XIQTgT9VfNesEdA/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOhty-sUq71cCWnBde6rnXbbkjAV3JlcsHvpOiHtw0ACsbuH9aEIwBtZ-UcX-XIVTH8ID0h28UcajlHWFNsw30vGyK2jKMf7HgENoAxD6RR7q7msZevFAb7XLMP4D3XIQTgT9VfNesEdA/s1600/2.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">and this is Mr Zorro. one who'd take pretty pictures for the three of us,<br />
who doesn't like pictures of himself, cause he does that kind of weird Zorro pose. :)</td></tr>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">Final days</span></u></div>
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And as the final exam approaches, we all became much more <i>vulnerable</i>. And there's only really one solution to it: <i>prayers</i>. And night prayers (tahajjud) was the one that is most important that helped us through this. And trust me, it hasn't been easy. The very early Subuh here in Dublin made it even much harder to wake up for Qiam, and you cant really sleep early cause the Isya prayer is quite late. But we'd all be knocking on each other's doors or miscalling the other's handphones whenever we do wake up. Sometimes the knocks work. Sometimes it doesn't (and we'd be rolling like sushis inside our duvets huhu). But we tried our best to keep close to Allah s.w.t. InsyaAllah.</div>
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And i don't think i need to remind anyone about the importance of <i>tahajjud </i>at this point in time, we all know how special it is. The only problem is how hard we try to stick to it. So don't worry if we failed multiple times, the important thing is we tried and we keep on trying. :)<br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">The du'a made in Tahajjud,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">is like an arrow that doesn't miss its target.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">[Imam Shafi'e]</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGBGiiN3NLoZxNShSDx9C8VIduaYvDBsZtzvegB9Ez1xVCIjoRO6Rzn8tpShTg9tQXnk5oWsltvCh8hHfagqVavD2Y2ZX_J3_adXi-un7CyOmf_JQVUwVSqyQwo3y8evTVNfgm9Lnjkx0/s1600/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGBGiiN3NLoZxNShSDx9C8VIduaYvDBsZtzvegB9Ez1xVCIjoRO6Rzn8tpShTg9tQXnk5oWsltvCh8hHfagqVavD2Y2ZX_J3_adXi-un7CyOmf_JQVUwVSqyQwo3y8evTVNfgm9Lnjkx0/s1600/6.jpg" height="322" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">yup, years worth of notes.<br />
mine is the coloured one. Akem's is the cards.</td></tr>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">The exams</span></u></div>
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Our finals consist of 2 exams, alhamdulillah. Because the school didn't want to jumble all things together, so we did most of the difficult part during our 4th year (medicine and surgery - with all the very difficult OSCEs and written exams) and in the first part of our final year (psych, GP, ObsGynae, Paeds). Many thought that us UCD students seem to get the easy way out. well, maybe. but we have always thought that we all did the exact same thing like others, it's just much earlier in our 4th year. So it seems like these two exams is nothing serious but they are pretty much as scary. And me and Suha ended up in the first group to start on Tuesday and Wednesday. While all the other malaysians start theirs on Wednesday and Thursday.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRtDwNUsdxRUU5qpNGQORiW7GCKP6DzVrczUdCbV_OkQf5Pu0sPid1OW71JVhQJbzrZeAwMUYpGKGiXeSNq2vd_gl6JQkirZHjBJcs37g7LU1K4KwpL6_uVUhFLHC8C5pcuOJcMrK8F1o/s1600/20140427_174642.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRtDwNUsdxRUU5qpNGQORiW7GCKP6DzVrczUdCbV_OkQf5Pu0sPid1OW71JVhQJbzrZeAwMUYpGKGiXeSNq2vd_gl6JQkirZHjBJcs37g7LU1K4KwpL6_uVUhFLHC8C5pcuOJcMrK8F1o/s1600/20140427_174642.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then,<br />
is an empty desk a sign?" - Albert Einstein.<br />
i take comfort with this quote. this is always how it looks like when i study. :)</td></tr>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span></u>
<u><span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span></u>
<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">The Viva. </span></u></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;"><u>Wednesday, 29th April 2014</u>.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I remembered that i wasn't able to focus anymore when i read. So i decided to watch this video by Nouman Ali Khan in the morning of the exam. The video was called <span style="color: #a64d79;"><i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SPivf0ZQzg" target="_blank">"Praying for Success"</a> (linked)</i></span>. It was a 30 minutes <i>khutbah</i>, so as i was prepping myself for the exam, i could only listen to the first 12 minutes of it. And the thing that got stuck in my head was: </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">"ask Allah for what you <i>need</i> to get through it."</span></div>
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Which really does make sense. Cause we can ask for whatever that we wanted, but perhaps that wouldn't be the things that will help us get through any of the hurdles that we are facing. So i was the second group to be called for the Viva exam, and i remembered feeling quite calm as i was waiting for my turn outside the room. Another guy was sitting beside me. I wished him luck, and then i closed my eyes for a good minute, mumbling this Doa over and over;<br />
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">"ya Allah, grant me with what i need, You're the All-Knower." </span></div>
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And then i was called. Bismillah :)</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz0kVkjrAB6sdl1c8S9q4FtNWuU-V6e-xrSSIwVuMP_51blQV5psJQEbwVd_M1CkejdEh1zA8FHxa_UhMl5fbFVrXpPN6u8nV-QzNzOJkg8oHZ_in3Vy13Pv6xj3j-5nRWBvbfh-rwx74/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz0kVkjrAB6sdl1c8S9q4FtNWuU-V6e-xrSSIwVuMP_51blQV5psJQEbwVd_M1CkejdEh1zA8FHxa_UhMl5fbFVrXpPN6u8nV-QzNzOJkg8oHZ_in3Vy13Pv6xj3j-5nRWBvbfh-rwx74/s1600/4.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">magically that day we wore the exact same colour! :)<br />
and that's the book for Viva.</td></tr>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">The Long Case exam. </span></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">30th April 2014</span></u></div>
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So for anyone outside the medical field, this exam is basically a session where you'd be sent to a random patient, and you'd spent 45 minutes with him/her, taking down their history (whatever that they came in with) and examine them and organize all these jumbled information that you have to present it to two consultant-examiners for 15-20 minutes. You'd present the patient and his/her case, and give your thoughts on what the diagnosis might be with your reasons, things that may have been (the differential diagnosis) and your short-term and long-term management for it. And they can then ask you whatever they want, either about the case or nothing related to it at all.</div>
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So as you can see, that's why medical students would usually be the ones who'd desperately ask for prayers when they are in exams. Cause almost everything can go wrong in only an hour of the exam. Your patient can be uncooperative, you may not even understand a word they are saying for their thick accent, you may know what's wrong with them but you could not remember anything about the disease or its management, you could have the world's most scary consultants staring down at your stupid answers, and you could even get tongue-tied in the middle of it all.</div>
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But when i went for my exam that morning, instead of my initial plan to go early and revise for cranial nerves exam (cause i was beginning to feel like i know nothing!), i went to the St Vincent's Hospital's<i> surau, </i>and spent my time with Allah s.w.t. I poured everything out; the nervousness, my jitters, and my hopes. it was a relief. it's like i was letting go of my every worries; to leave the rest to Allah's Will. So after that i went straight to the hall that we have to wait in, and being Mr Ariff's daughter, i was certainly in the first group to start the exam straight away. So when i went to my patient, the most important thing that i bring in with me was my trust in Allah. For i have done my part, my revisions, my prayers, and now it's His Plans that i should believe in.<br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Tawakkal.</span></div>
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Mine was quite a straight-forward case except for the fact that i can't examine her stoma. But Allah helped me through it. And I was the first one to finish the exam at 9:15am, coming back to an empty hall. Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYkUz5iErmbM_WhEafVkWdzEuuXMOs_rOI93Fkpem8ksocd-niO-TX-5896GlTMI92-WygUS0l8RS2scm2Yw_-8QpcC5kzNXCT2n0vGBLMSwIwqMnqDelNpqbfQGz4KUxbCYC01XsF3u0/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYkUz5iErmbM_WhEafVkWdzEuuXMOs_rOI93Fkpem8ksocd-niO-TX-5896GlTMI92-WygUS0l8RS2scm2Yw_-8QpcC5kzNXCT2n0vGBLMSwIwqMnqDelNpqbfQGz4KUxbCYC01XsF3u0/s1600/3.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">right after i finished my Long Case. my expression is disproportionate to the agony i felt.</td></tr>
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<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">D-day: Doctor Day. </span></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><span style="color: #a64d79;">1st May 2014</span></u></div>
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So both me and Suha was quite free that morning, while the rest of the Malaysians are heading for their long case exams. We had our good rest after our jitters, and like we planned, we walked for 40-minutes to Clonskeagh Mosque for the morning. We spent our time there, and i was reminded of my first long case exam in my Baby Res year (3rd year). Back then, I finished a day earlier, so i went to Clonskeagh Mosque for a 'date'. 2 years later and I am here for the same reason again, but with a partner this time. :)</div>
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********</div>
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While at the mosque, a lady who was reciting the Quran since we arrived suddenly came up to us, she wanted to do her <i>tasmi'. </i>And she recited 2.5 pages of the Quran that she memorized this morning, MasyaAllah. So we asked her a bit on how she does it; she said it's been 4 years now. Her son is already a <i>Hafiz </i>at the age of 14. And she said to do it a page a time, especially after Fajr prayer. And she asked me a question; "are you married? -i shake my head obviously- well then, you have a lot of time to do it." Huhu, insyaAllah.</div>
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***********</div>
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We went back home, and by this time everyone have finished their exam. So basically what we were told was that if we failed any of the two exams, we will get "the email" that will tell us to come and redo the long case exam the next day. So that was what we were dreading. The promised email would come out at 6pm. So after our Zuhr prayer, we were in our <i>telekung, </i>and we were all reciting al-Quran, calming down our nerves. We wanted to revise a bit in case the inevitable happen but we couldn't focus. In the end at about 4pm, the jitters was starting to come in. Finally ika and Ecah came to join me and Suha in my room. We all talked about our cases, reassuring one another of all the wrong things we did as well as the wrong answers that we have blurted out. And then suddenly Pika came to the room with this ghastly look and said: <span style="text-align: center;">"the email is out". And it was only 5pm.</span></div>
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And everything went by so fast. We all were checking our phones and after confirming that everyone passed all of us hugged each other and we were all crying. We did our <i>sujud syukur</i> and went to call our family as it was still 12 a.m. in Malaysia. And the rest, was history.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirNgtOl57VPkwYTVpD8tSsu0IRBSqUnDu-b7yhNhV-Sku1_zNXVLcSEP9UPyI35_5kolnDm_Y9PpZ7IdY-OnbTZi_tKgkeLrGXm5anoVTGNqgE2rJv5Zobxsx1p365Nos_kCPZtepHTKQ/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirNgtOl57VPkwYTVpD8tSsu0IRBSqUnDu-b7yhNhV-Sku1_zNXVLcSEP9UPyI35_5kolnDm_Y9PpZ7IdY-OnbTZi_tKgkeLrGXm5anoVTGNqgE2rJv5Zobxsx1p365Nos_kCPZtepHTKQ/s1600/1.jpg" height="320" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">with suha at Clonskeagh.<br />
and that was us skyping after the result.<br />
*mata bengkak nangis semua*</td></tr>
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************</div>
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Looking back, so much have happened. And it has been a roller-coaster ride through it all. Suffice to say that I will cherish every moment that I have been through. We are all happy, alhamdulillah. But that night, after prayers, we all make du'a together for our past, our present, and our future;</div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">For the desperation that we felt all the while, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">which had brought us down to our knees,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">forehead down in sujud, sobbing into our prayers, </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">seeking for none other but Allah's help; </span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">We prayed that <i>that</i> feeling will last, </span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">in our time of happiness and sadness.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">For the new <i>amanah </i>that we have now as Doctors, </span></div>
</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">we prayed that we will keep our promises that we say every so often;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">That we wanted to be doctors not just to heal the bodies,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">But to heal the souls, with Allah's help and by Allah's Will.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">and to be doctors for the ummah and not just for ourselves,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">carrying the responsibility of <i>amar makruf nahi munkar </i>with the trust.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">For the last 5 years of being a medical student,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">With all the lonesome rides, the agonies and the emotional turmoils,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">The patients that we have seen and learn from;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">The books that we have read, and the time we spent,</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">All the hard work as well as any of the </span><i style="color: #a64d79;">lagha</i><span style="color: #a64d79;"> (forgetful) moments;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">We prayed that Allah forgive us for all the wrong-doings,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79;">and accepted these 5 years as part of our <i>amal ibadah</i>. InsyaAllah.</span></div>
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Aamiin ya Rabb.</div>
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If anyone is still reading this post, then i hoped you'd say Aamiin for this doa.<br />
It has been, a great climb.<br />
Alhamdulillah, wa astaghfirullah.</div>
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That's it for my rants this time.</div>
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Thank You, ya Rabb. </div>
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I can never thank You enough.<br />
*crybucketloads*</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvgrfiNitaQYZUmTOD82AqlQTHIM3tlQG2jakLvMsDYKYLYYbWrJyNHd1CmxRxBgkHfPmhGPze4C_wQOKoYB6pG3C8h6s8lwcZ1sn0So2bMSt47aRDqM3P_8twJa8h_1bVifuQDc0q7DI/s1600/C360_2014-03-08-00-56-55-166.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvgrfiNitaQYZUmTOD82AqlQTHIM3tlQG2jakLvMsDYKYLYYbWrJyNHd1CmxRxBgkHfPmhGPze4C_wQOKoYB6pG3C8h6s8lwcZ1sn0So2bMSt47aRDqM3P_8twJa8h_1bVifuQDc0q7DI/s1600/C360_2014-03-08-00-56-55-166.jpg" height="200" width="140" /></a><br />
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Yours truly,</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Dr Izyan Ariff</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
MB BCh BAO,</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
University College Dublin</div>
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2009-2014.</div>
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always am and always will be, another servant of Allah s.w.t. :)</div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-88863124059603567422014-04-07T19:16:00.001+01:002014-08-29T07:20:28.319+01:00Mind rant #23: Finals<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
it's surreal to think that my 7 years of studying is coming up to an end biidznillah (with Allah's Will); but it is! -with only a few weeks left down the road - and some friends are already starting their finals in a few days! heads up peeps!</div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
but inevitably, our final exam acts as a reminder that another chapter of our lives is almost coming to an end, insyaAllah. and it might just be that phase of life that we'll miss most, one day. *potong bawang*. And seriously, it scares me to think of what and how will the next chapter unfolds, but i'm holding on to this <i>one</i> last page while it lasts. :)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
doakan kami students Medicine,<br />
dan maafkan segala salah silap kami;<br />
for being forgetful, for being hurtful, for being just <i>hampeh</i> friends all this while *sobs*<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
may Allah Eases everyone's path, wherever we are insyaAllah.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it has been a long and challenging yet rewarding journey,</div>
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do pray that it ends beautifully please?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and always,</div>
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thank You Ya Rabb.</div>
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for always being there with us;</div>
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watching over us, every step of the way. :')</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">Usaha, Tawakkal dan Doa.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">in Allah, we put our trust. :')</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">إِن يَنصُرْكُمُ اللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمْ وَإِن يَخْذُلْكُمْ فَمَن ذَا الَّذِي يَنصُرُكُم مِّن بَعْدِهِ وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">"Jika Allah menolong kamu, maka tak adalah orang yang dapat mengalahkan kamu; </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">jika Allah membiarkan kamu (tidak memberi pertolongan), </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">maka siapakah gerangan yang dapat menolong kamu (selain) dari Allah sesudah itu? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">Karena itu hendaklah kepada Allah saja orang-orang mukmin bertawakkal."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #a64d79;">[3:160]</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSxHCkQpzitS1bY6lvTUw4Ab8AHty4VYy1JiC8RNO0rbtx_hnTSATilKWRZ04MLa0gBhlQ_5nAnCBRhK9Gwg-56ZbsxUXh6t_QYJQvIt38DOntUkGJC_Zndw1x65YvfJ1N9TqC3ChXl3o/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSxHCkQpzitS1bY6lvTUw4Ab8AHty4VYy1JiC8RNO0rbtx_hnTSATilKWRZ04MLa0gBhlQ_5nAnCBRhK9Gwg-56ZbsxUXh6t_QYJQvIt38DOntUkGJC_Zndw1x65YvfJ1N9TqC3ChXl3o/s1600/images.jpg" height="632" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*time blur otak tepu start la layan meme ni*<br />
ps: have you guys checked out TrollTarbawi?<br />
pps: nak buku Inche Gabbana~~ sape kat Malaysia belikan hadiah please? :P</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-21254147373652681592014-03-17T02:45:00.000+00:002014-08-29T07:20:52.164+01:00of Miracles and Hope<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://data2.whicdn.com/images/47198351/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://data2.whicdn.com/images/47198351/large.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13950216823357&key=df797c6edb7c14f9b66bc241a31bf453&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fweheartit.com%2Fentry%2F47198351%2Fvia%2Fizyanariff&v=1&libId=5a980594-da3d-4a7f-a5e6-b42ac079a284&out=http%3A%2F%2Fheartsandmagic.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F38850932511&title=Tumblr%20%7C%20We%20Heart%20It&txt=" target="_blank">linked</a></td></tr>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I fell in love with this quote from a TV show that i watched, it was so true that the first time i heard it, it hit me hard. And i kept wondering when would be the best time to share it in here, and finally it's time. it's a long post. you've been warned.<br />
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*******</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ</span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666;">"Some people say there are miracles, and some people say there's no such thing.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">But in moments of urgency, people inevitably wait for a miracle. Thus, miracles need to exist - </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">so that in all times of urgency there is a glimmer of hope for people to dwell on. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Miracles need to exist..."</span></div>
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My beloved country, Malaysia. Seeing so much strain on you gives me a heartache really. I think it's been a while since I last earnestly prayed for you. So many tests Allah has given you at one time. And so many people involved; those who lost their family members or friends through the missing flight; those who are working around the clock trying to figure out what has happened to that plane; those who have to leave home for days now for the search and rescue missions; and not to mention how lives are becoming difficult with the worsening air and the drought taking place. Being a Malaysian -albeit not being there at the moment- it is heart-wrenching to read the never-ending news, bad ones piling up one after the other. </div>
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And I pray for nothing more than a miracle. </div>
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Cause being a Muslim, we all do believe in miracles.</div>
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surah al-Kahfi reminded us of miracles every so often;</div>
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and the story of Israk Mikraj does the same too. reminding us how miracles are never really impossible. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Knowing that Allah is the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">we believe in "<i>Kun fayakun";</i></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">بَدِيعُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَإِذَا قَضَىٰ أَمْرًا فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">"Allah Pencipta langit dan bumi, dan bila Dia berkehendak (untuk menciptakan) sesuatu, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">maka (cukuplah) Dia hanya mengatakan kepadanya: "Jadilah!" Lalu jadilah ia."</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">[2:117]</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">******</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">Hence, I pray for a miracle.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">That the plane would just appear before us, safe and sound. Or whatever has happened in between - be it hijacked, or conspiracy theories, or just malfunctions - I wish all those innocent victims will come back safely into the arms of their loved ones. Because</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"> it's not just the 239 lives involved, the families who are anxiously waiting and hoping for them to come back are also included. The challenges that they have to face are totally beyond our imagination and comprehension. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">I pray for a miracle.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">That all Malaysians and people around the world would come together and pray for the best. To give a hand whenever it is possible. To give encouragements to those who are doing their best. To support the family members and friends of those involved, keeping them in our thoughts and our prayers.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #e06666;">I pray for a miracle.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">That we all realized how much these things are all tests given by Allah s.w.t. Reminding us that we are inevitably just His Creations; weak, small, and helpless without Him. Because whatever we do, no matter how advanced our technologies are, no matter how many countries and intelligence involved in this whole matter, no matter how much we have prepared things beforehand, nobody can stop the plane from going missing, nobody can stop the drought, nobody can stop anything if Allah Wills it.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: large;">But despite knowing how easy it is for Allah s.w.t to grant us miracles, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: large;">somehow <i>our</i> actions seems to be pushing the miracles away.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">so how can we hope for a miracle?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">When all we do is treating the whole thing as just sensationalised news. Waking up everyday to see what's most controversial of all. Never once putting ourselves in the shoes of those involved. we were so easily distracted by things that entertained us, so much so that we loved talking about Raja Bomoh for days. I wondered, if it was my brother on the plane, would I even watch all those videos? would I make time to make parodies of the 3 guys on the 'magical' carpet? I felt sick to even laugh at the pictures posted. But sadly that was what most of us were doing. I don't really mind those who were raising the issue of <i>aqidah</i> and <i>khurafat</i> acts, but most were just enjoying ourselves, having some laugh over <i>bomoh </i>and <i>buaya.</i></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">How can we hope for a miracle?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">When all we do is condemn whatever that is being done. Bashing everything from the get-go. I couldn't care less whatever the medias outside Malaysia are saying, but I think the least that us Malaysians could do for our home-country is to encourage them. I am not saying they're the best at handling this - how can we even compare when none has ever faced it before? - but I do believe that they <i>are</i> doing their best. And for most of us who are just staring at the laptop day in day out, the least we could do is pray that Allah eases the paths for all those involved.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79;">How can we hope for a miracle?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">When we <i>failed</i> to realise that these are Allah's reminders of our status as His Creations. We failed so badly, that we ended up going further away from Allah s.w.t, deviated from the rightful path. The news of those concerts was just another eye-opener of why we're in this mess in the first place. That these kinds of things - concerts, zina, hedonism, secularism - are happening in Malaysia; saying we're a Muslim country but never really acting as one. Inevitably, we're just a country filled with Muslims - which is a very questionable status for each of us anyway;</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: large;">are <i>we truly </i>Muslims? </span><br />
or are we those who said <i>syahadah</i> without truly understanding it, let alone act upon it. :'(</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #e06666; font-size: large;">يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #e06666;">“Oh Turner of Hearts, keep my heart firm on Your Deen.”</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span><span style="color: #a64d79;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">"...But miracles are miracles because they are not common. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">There are far more misfortunes we don't think of, than miracles that we don't expect. </span>And miracles in the end are a matter of probability. And life is cruel with its absolute and overwhelming probability. But still miracle is needed.<br />Rather than the despair of zero probability that will never come to pass, a ten-million-to-one chance is better. That is how hope exist."</span></blockquote>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">and we're back to praying for those miracles.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">And knowing that miracles only come from Allah s.w.t, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">let's remind one another to play our side of the bargain as His <i>hamba</i>,</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">because as much as miracles are rare, it is never impossible, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">when we truly believe in Allah s.w.t.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #a64d79; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">and quoting Cinderella; "even miracles take a little time."</span></div>
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.. and effort. insyaAllah. May Allah eases.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Pray4MH370.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Pray4Malaysia.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">Pray4Muslims.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"> prayers for you and me.</span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19546676197339820.post-52683848312693970412014-03-01T21:00:00.003+00:002014-08-29T07:20:52.170+01:00Love Confession<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://data2.whicdn.com/images/6389610/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://data2.whicdn.com/images/6389610/large.jpg" height="566" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://weheartit.com/from/radishandrose.blogspot.com" target="_blank">linked</a></td></tr>
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I have this guy that I love. And I wanted to <i>show</i> him how much I love him, that I decided to look up for things that I can do for just that. I read magazines, articles, watch movies and shows to look for all these romantic tips and tricks about love. Those tips tell me that i should try to give presents, to cook awesome food, to say sweet and encouraging words all the time, to do this and that. I was so into all of them, that I spent my time picking up the best gifts, wrapping them carefully with my own two hands; I looked up for recipes for all his favourite dishes and spent hours making them etc. things went on like this for a while until one day, when I met him, I realised that I don't actually love him, for I have been in love with the <i>act</i> of <i>showing </i>him that I love him.<br />
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And that I, have fallen <i>out </i>of love.</div>
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********</div>
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Yes people, this is just an analogy and purely fictional.</div>
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I'm not yet married so i am nowhere near to having a lovey-dovey relationship at the moment, thanks. </div>
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But it was something that I realized had happened in my relationship with my Creator. We have so much things that we were told we can do to gain His Love. Reciting the Quran, listening to Islamic talks, waking up for Qiam, performing those extra <i>solat sunnah</i>. But I realized that without the right mind and intention, these efforts can really easily turn into just another day's routine. When we'd stand up after our obligatory prayers for our Rawatib, out of reflex. When we're lifting our hands for some du'a but what's coming out is just a well-rehearsed <i>du'a </i>that we've been reciting for the past months, them having lost their meaning to us; and what's worse is that sometimes we don't even lift our hands anymore. When we'd wake up for Qiam, we performed our prayers, but by the end of our night, all we ended up doing was asking for those worldly things that we wanted so bad; never once stopping to appreciate His Presence or His Closeness. And sometimes, we'd just woken up for that 2 rakaat of Qiam, to be able to tick the boxes for our '<i>good deeds I've done' </i>list. </div>
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We no longer<i> talk</i> to Him. </div>
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We no longer have tears with our du'a.</div>
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We no longer pour things out from our hearts.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Because our hearts has become hardened enough, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); color: #e06666; font-size: large;">that it no longer seeks Allah s.w.t.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">*******</span></div>
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I guess this saying suits my <i>not-so-much</i> love confession for today, </div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">"<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We often mix between what is for Allah's sake </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">and what is for our own sake". </span></span></div>
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Hence, we <i>need</i> reminders to get us back on the rightful track;</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">To renew our intentions;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">To love Allah, for the sake of Allah;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">To do all those extra <i>ibadah</i>, for Him, and not just because we have this worldly gain that we want;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;">To be sincere, and work hard trying to be one, despite knowing that it's the most difficult thing of all.</span></div>
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And perhaps only then we'd be able to get our hearts back; </div>
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to love Him unconditionally, and have our beautiful ending, which is to gain Allah's Redha.</div>
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Let's pray together for just that shall we?</div>
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InsyaAllah wa Aamiin.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; text-align: left;">Dari Abu Hurairah –radhiyallahu ‘anhu-, ia berkata bahwa Nabi s.a.w bersabda, </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; text-align: left;">“Allah Ta’ala berfirman: Aku sesuai persangkaan hamba-Ku. <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Aku bersamanya ketika ia mengingat-Ku.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jika ia mengingat-Ku saat bersendirian, Aku akan mengingatnya dalam diri-Ku. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79;">Jika ia mengingat-Ku di suatu kumpulan, </span></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79; text-align: left;">Aku akan mengingatnya di kumpulan yang lebih baik daripada pada itu . </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79;">Jika ia mendekat kepada-Ku sejengkal, Aku mendekat kepadanya sehasta. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79;">Jika ia mendekat kepada-Ku sehasta, Aku mendekat kepadanya sedepa. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="color: #a64d79;">Jika ia datang kepada-Ku dengan berjalan (biasa), maka Aku mendatanginya dengan berjalan cepat.”</span> </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #a64d79;">[Hadith Bukhari dan Muslim]</span></span></div>
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izyan.ariffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10079071193194527273noreply@blogger.com5