keaiban itu

by ~Muslim-Women of deviantart.

aurat = helaian rambut sahaja? [salah]

aurat = warna kulit sahaja? [salah]

aurat = bentuk badan sahaja? [salah]

aurat = kaki yang diexposed? [salah]

"yan tau tak aurat tu ape?" my sister asked me this previous summer holiday. it's just a rhetorical question, because she followed it with this "..keaiban."

"kira benda-benda yang kita kena tutup tu is benda-benda yang mengaibkan la kan? kira sepatutnya kita rasa malu untuk tunjuk."

true. the natural feeling Allah planted deep within every women. fitrah mereka. to feel ashamed and exposed if they were to incompletely cover theirs. and it's a feeling granted for both, Muslim or not.

one time, i read a book about a revert; who told her story of the first time she wanted to wear a bikini in public. she was sooo embarrassed but everybody was doing it already. to expose that much skin, was a courageous act. she tries so hard to overcome that feeling, because everybody will eventually do it. and thus, day by day, her fitrah slowly wears out. because then she was used to wearing shorts, the baby T's, ape-apelah.

another story is of a Muslim woman, an actress to be exact. how she ended up coming back to her fitrah, dengan izin Allah. her words struck me deep. one day, she suddenly decided to look for a hijab in her house. but she couldn't find any, and that saddens her to know that she is a Muslim yet there isn't one single hijab in her house. she wanted to go out but she cant. why? because she felt NAKED.

two similar stories, of the same fitrah. but one who looses it, and one who gains it. 

ruginya, kalau kita jadi orang yang hilang fitrah itu. bila semakin hari semakin nipis, semakin pendek, semakin ketat. 

i admit that i am nowhere near perfection in this department. and my every day is filled with a question: "have i covered enough?" but a slow improvement is way better than nothing at all. biar otak ini berfikir setiap kali; membetulkan niat; dan cuba faham bila berpakaian untuk menutup aurat. agar akhirnya ia diterima sebagai amal yang soleh, dan bukan hanya perbuatan yang baik.

and a reminder is always a reminder. no matter how bad of a person we are, the reminders need to keep going, to keep us going too. insyaAllah.

yours truly,
an imperfect being.



lelaki. baik macam mana pun, anak imam kampung? naqib? solat jemaah tak tinggal? but when they're faced with the biggest fitnah of all, WOMEN, they'd fail. unless they fight whole-heartedly. only then will Allah protect them.

but i guess many find it hard to fight whole-heartedly. buat benda betul, memang bukan senang.

i wonder, is it so hard for them to wait another few years, until they say "aku terima nikahnya Si Manis Si Cantik Si Lembut etc"?

lepas akad tu, buat la apa yang nak buat. nak teman berjalan-jalan? pegang tangan? masakkan nasi? berborak bagai nak rak? skype malam-malam? do all the sweet things that you can extract from all the mushy korean movies. semua dapat pahala. seriously.

but if you do all of that now, to that girl you 'like', who you're not even sure of where it will end, that will only tarnish your Love towards Him, the One that we are all supposed to be focusing at. tak dapat feel? fine. focus on your parents. have you loved them enough that you're so eager to find love in another?


perempuan pun sama. =,=''

yours truly,
who loves baby airaa so much :)


that thing called Heart

by ~snul of deviantart.

you know it's wrong. if you were to explain the reasons, you just cant. but there's one indicator that won't lie. with or without reasons.which is the heart. and hopefully, with prayers, the heart is knocking inside you here and there. giving hints of what is right and what is wrong. and you just have to believe in it. believe that those knocks actually came directly from Above.

but sometimes you're just caught in the middle. doing things that you dont want to. and no matter how hard you try things just don't seem to budge. even though your heart is shrieking out to you that this is not you. what can you do? run away? 

no. it's time to raise your hand again. 
pray. that He's with you all the way. 
accept. that all things happen semua atas izin Dia juga.
believe. that He is the One who wants you to get through it. that He deliberately Plans it for you. 
try. to learn as much as you can from it too. 
because as much as you're living for yourself, you are also living with others. 
who might learn from you later on. 

life. that's just how it goes.


lastnight i was thinking. again. of what does blogging in here means to me? nak expose life semata-mata? is it that awesome or even too insignificant that the whole world gets to know about it? then an answer came to me. ikhlas ke tak jawapan ni? wallahua'lam. 

my answer: i hope that those reading the reminders i wrote in here, who i hope would gain from it even in the slightest bit, would be the witnesses for me Later on; you know that Day when we're asked of everything that we do? at least i want them and this blog, be a part of my answer, that while i was living, i tried doing my responsibility; to better myself, and reaching out for anyone out there to join me too. 


yours truly,
nak sambung study.


24 jam

dalam 24jam yang berlalu hari ni..
rasa-rasa berapa kali Allah senyum sambil melihat kita?

time kita pegi kelas?
time kita tolong kawan?
time kita skype dengan keluarga?
time kita masak-masak?


time kita bersosial? facebook or live.
time kita bergelak-ketawa?
time kita plan aktiviti lagho minggu depan?
time kita bergosip?

dalam 24 jam, ada tak seminit yang kita betul-betul ikhlas ingatkan Dia?
ada tak waktu kita rasa sedih dan berdosa?
ada tak waktu kita rasa malu dengan perbuatan kita hari ni?

kalau takde langsung, 
macam mana kita nak harapkan dapat lihat Allah senyum kat kita akhirat nanti?

ke taknak?

yours truly,
the one with the dried-up rohani. =,=''


meninggalkan yang ditinggalkan

ade orang kate: orang yang ditinggalkan lebih sedih daripada orang yang meninggalkan.

true. cuz the one leaving definitely have a whole lot of other purposes to fulfill. buat itu buat ini. whilst the one left behind, have to get by, trying to get used to not having the person around anymore. sedih. yes. but alhamdulillah, this year i think abah and mama will be a whole lot preoccupied now that baby airaa is still home, kakak is still there to joke around, abe ammar will also be home now that he has a project back in kelantan, and lil sist lin is facing her PMR. so they have a lot in their hands to not miss me too much. *wink* (ceh perasan).

how i know im leaving?

kept on saying "nanti abah dengar echo suara yan je la dalam rumah." and making that sad face.
asking me my new resolutions in studies and my life there.
giving a whole lot of tips and safety measures for the stuff im bringing.
asking me all the medicines i need etc.
trying hard to assure me that he wont be too sad, cuz i can call quite often.
hehe. im not that sad abah :) cuz this year is different. the house is quite full. alhamdulillah.

busy asking me anything i wanted to eat.
which i only mentioned simple mama's cooking. like chicken soup etc.
but she still ended up making lavish things these few days.
yesterday: mee bandung
today: nasi dagang for breakfast. and she made apple pie and chicken pie.
sorry tummy. it's mama's cooking.
helping me alter my dresses here and there.
i kept asking her again why we her daughters dont inherit this skill?
if only we can make our own dresses.

kakak, abe, lin. they have their own ways; though not as obvious as abah and mama. the kisses and the calls. if it's only me imagining things, still, i love you guys so much. and abe ammar + kak ita too. hehehe :)

and lastly, my BooLat. who i tried hard to not miss too much. haih...just when i am about to leave, she started becoming more bulat, and more sleepy-head than ever, and she's starting to make other noises too. (the normal ones include: yawning, grunting in her sleep, breathing heavily as if she had mucus or something, and yes, berdehem. you can be totally amazed with the sounds she make.) but now? she finally started saying "ahhh" in her cute squeaky way. 

now that it's the final day i'm home this year, kakak let me play longer today with her. first off, i let her sleep on top of me for the afternoon nap. (she likes sleeping on top of people). that nap got my arm all numb thanks to her 4.2kg weight. then i played some dress up with her. (wearing aunty chik's shades)

and my final attempt to get her to dublin with me.heheh ;)

ps: sorry airaa sayang. i know i'm not supposed to play with you like this, since you're just a baby and all. but i cant help myself!! you're so CUTE!! (read: agnes-like)

that's it for my 2nd year of summer holiday.
ill be back in here from dublin, insyaAllah.

my new resolution: berjihad mencari ilmu di BumiNya. insyaAllah :)

Seseorang yang keluar dari rumahnya untuk menuntut ilmu niscaya Allah akan mudahkan baginya jalan menuju Syurga 
(Shahih Al jami)

yours truly,
missing home already. T,T
ps: i love you abah & mama & family. hugs and kisses.


late night ramblings

i watched a chinese movie just now. CJ7.
ketinggalan zaman i might be, baru tengok.
rasa cerita ni dah lama.
have seen that green cute thing before.
(rasa macam nak beli je patung die ke ape)
as the movie reached it's last part, when the Dad dies;
i cried along with the boy; when he decided to sleep, to not believe what has happened.
kuat nangis. nasib baik abah dah masuk bilik tidur.

how easily i cry for these kind of movies.
or any sad songs.
or any iklan raya petronas.
tapi nak menangis time berdoa?
to cry for the sins i did in front of Him?

earlier, i was watching some youtube clips with kakak.
of an accident that occured in KB. (mati tu tak kira masa. tak kira tempat.)
then a title of 'anak derhaka' caught kakak's attention.
i clicked it and watched a video.
from the looks of it the one who recorded it was watching from above.
macam busy body, maaf. put all negative things aside, lets learn from it.
wallahua'lam if it's true or not.
the one who posted it mentions that he/she never intended to embarrass anyone.
and the video was unclear pun.
it shows a family.
some guy was being taken away from what i can conclude.
which leads to the daughter being angry.
marah-marah kat mak die.
and the video showed the shaken hands of the ibu. scared perhaps.
(ok. berderai-derai nangis ni.)
the ibu looks like a child so scared after being scolded at.
and just like that, all the cars left.
leaving the ibu behind. crying alone.
rasa nak peluk makcik tu. may this test wash away her sins.
i can only pray the anak-anak are forgiven before it's too late.


watching the video, i realized how bad of a daughter i am too.
perfection is what everybody aims for.
but it remains only a dream perhaps.
i pray that abah and mama can forgive me, for all the things i've done wrong.
for the wrong words that might have hurt.
kadang-kadang memandai nak tegur orang, tapi ayat salah.
me and my stupid mouth.
and the countless time i cried kononnya terasa hati. merajuk.
me and my stupid sensitivity.
anak-anak. truthfully, we all have no right to be sensitive to our parents.
no matter what they did. even if they are wrong, they are ways to handle it.
cakap slowly after ke. explain balik ke.
lupa ke? cakap "ah" pun tak boleh. [17:23]
sorry abah mama.
wishing i can do everything i can for them.
but again, perfection is way beyond our grasp.
and Allah is the only one who can help  us.
ya Rabb, protect them. ya Rabb, take care of them. ya Rabb, love them.
"Rabbighfirli waliwaa lidayya warhamhuma kamaa rabbayaani saghiraa"

that's it for tonight.
too much writings is not good for this unstable emotion of mine.


yours truly,
may this benefits me and you. insyaAllah.
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