late night ramblings

i watched a chinese movie just now. CJ7.
ketinggalan zaman i might be, baru tengok.
rasa cerita ni dah lama.
have seen that green cute thing before.
(rasa macam nak beli je patung die ke ape)
as the movie reached it's last part, when the Dad dies;
i cried along with the boy; when he decided to sleep, to not believe what has happened.
kuat nangis. nasib baik abah dah masuk bilik tidur.

....
how easily i cry for these kind of movies.
or any sad songs.
or any iklan raya petronas.
tapi nak menangis time berdoa?
to cry for the sins i did in front of Him?
:'(

****
earlier, i was watching some youtube clips with kakak.
of an accident that occured in KB. (mati tu tak kira masa. tak kira tempat.)
then a title of 'anak derhaka' caught kakak's attention.
i clicked it and watched a video.
from the looks of it the one who recorded it was watching from above.
macam busy body, maaf. put all negative things aside, lets learn from it.
wallahua'lam if it's true or not.
the one who posted it mentions that he/she never intended to embarrass anyone.
and the video was unclear pun.
it shows a family.
some guy was being taken away from what i can conclude.
which leads to the daughter being angry.
marah-marah kat mak die.
and the video showed the shaken hands of the ibu. scared perhaps.
(ok. berderai-derai nangis ni.)
the ibu looks like a child so scared after being scolded at.
and just like that, all the cars left.
leaving the ibu behind. crying alone.
rasa nak peluk makcik tu. may this test wash away her sins.
i can only pray the anak-anak are forgiven before it's too late.

...

watching the video, i realized how bad of a daughter i am too.
perfection is what everybody aims for.
but it remains only a dream perhaps.
i pray that abah and mama can forgive me, for all the things i've done wrong.
for the wrong words that might have hurt.
kadang-kadang memandai nak tegur orang, tapi ayat salah.
me and my stupid mouth.
and the countless time i cried kononnya terasa hati. merajuk.
me and my stupid sensitivity.
anak-anak. truthfully, we all have no right to be sensitive to our parents.
no matter what they did. even if they are wrong, they are ways to handle it.
cakap slowly after ke. explain balik ke.
lupa ke? cakap "ah" pun tak boleh. [17:23]
sorry abah mama.
wishing i can do everything i can for them.
but again, perfection is way beyond our grasp.
and Allah is the only one who can help  us.
ya Rabb, protect them. ya Rabb, take care of them. ya Rabb, love them.
"Rabbighfirli waliwaa lidayya warhamhuma kamaa rabbayaani saghiraa"

that's it for tonight.
too much writings is not good for this unstable emotion of mine.

wallahua'lam.




yours truly,
may this benefits me and you. insyaAllah.