the Wake-up Call

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ


I was waiting beside the main road in front of USM for my friend to pick me up. We're heading for the bridal shop! *no, I'm not the one trying all those dresses*. Earphones plugged in, i was watching the road and the gazillions of cars in the afternoon heat when a familiar guy walked past me, heading towards the gate of the hospital. He looks like he's in his 40s, slightly Chinese-looking, kopiah on, a simple t-shirt and khaki pants with a pair of Crocs slippers on. 

If i hadn't known, he would have been just another regular person i see on the street. 
If i hadn't known, i wouldn't have made that prayer 
while he walked silently and unknowingly in front of me.

"May Allah ease his life as well as his family's"
Aamiin ya Rabb.

We had our ward-round during the first day of my attachment with the team in USM, meeting a kid who came in to the hospital with an underlying rare condition. That was the first time I saw the kopiah-clad guy, he's the Dad. The rarity of the boy's condition triggers my interest of course, which led me to talk to the mom, one fine morning. In retrospect, she sure is one awesome lady, talking about her son's condition in details, feeding this final medical student those rare medical knowledge of her son's disease. The boy came in with a breathing difficulty, only to collapse that very night in the hospital, falling into deep coma for the next 28 days, held in ICU the whole time with all the intubation tubes; and it's now day 41 since he woke up, alhamdulillah. But the condition has left him scarred, as he has acquired multiple brain infarction leading him to be half-paralysed now. And here is one mother, being able to talk ever so calmly and brightly; giving me an insight of their lives, behind that smile she put on her face.

Can we imagine ourselves in their shoes? Scratch that. We couldn't even imagine having to face anything even close to that; Having someone you love being so sick, fighting a fight we couldn't even understand, waiting ever so patiently at the bedside, for a very uncertain future? So many questions run through my mind. How is she coping? Who's looking after the other girls at home? How about the younger one, does she misses her mum? Her husband has to be working away every so often to keep the household running, it must've been tiring to go back and forth between work and hospital right? How much are all of these taking a toll on their lives? 

....Are they okay?

Wallahua'lam. Keeping in mind that Allah s.w.t never burdened His creations more than we can bear, prayers is all that I can send them; and this goes out to anyone who's facing any hardships in their lives. May Allah be with all of you, insyaAllah. Meeting these kinds of people definitely put some perspectives into you wouldn't it? Of how much we are whining everyday, of how much useless we are at times, of how simple our problems are, of the fact that we are just not that thankful enough for the lives we're living in.  Astaghfirullah. May Allah forgives;

Cause we just keep. on. forgetting.

For every person that we see, perhaps there's always that little extra story behind them. Maybe if only we knew the weight that everybody is carrying on their shoulders, perhaps then we wouldn't be living in a world;

where everyone is taking advantage of one another, 
where people are only looking for chances to scam others, 
where the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, 
bound to be laid forgotten. 

But we couldn't see that, and thus all we care about is ourselves, ultimately creating this selfish world we are currently living in. Sadly enough, more often than we wished for, we are a part of that latter group;

Talking about our problems, our lives, 
scurrying to post whatever awesome things in our lives; 
Completely forgetting about others. 

I don't really know how to end my rambles this time around, but today's incidence pretty much sums up my wake-up call. I was jotting down notes while reading the medical chart of a patient, when this one little girl in her pink tudung came peeking into my notes, her height barely passing the table. So i leaned in closer to entertain her;

                                   "Adik tengok kakak tengah buat apa ni?" (What do you reckon i am doing?)
                                   "Tak tau." (I dont know.) - she grinned sheepishly
                                   "Adik umur berapa tahun?" (How old are you?)
                                   "8 tahun." (8 years old.)
                                   "Adik sakit apa?" (Why are you in the hospital?) - I wasn't thinking straight. =,=''
                                   "Leukaemia" - she answered nonchalantly
                                   ". . . . . . .

And I realized she was only a few beds away from me, taking off her pink tudung later on to reveal her balding head....

We all are in dire need of reminders.

فَلَمَّا نَسُوا مَا ذُكِّرُوا بِهِ فَتَحْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ أَبْوَابَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ
 حَتَّىٰ إِذَا فَرِحُوا بِمَا أُوتُوا أَخَذْنَاهُم بَغْتَةً فَإِذَا هُم مُّبْلِسُونَ

Kemudian apabila mereka melupakan apa yang telah diperingatkan mereka dengannya, 
Kami bukakan kepada mereka pintu-pintu segala kemewahan dan kesenangan, 
sehingga apabila mereka bergembira dan bersukaria dengan segala nikmat yang diberikan kepada mereka,
Kami timpakan mereka secara mengejut (dengan bala bencana yang membinasakan), 
maka mereka pun berputus asa (dari mendapat sebarang pertolongan).



I've had the chance to watch some interesting clips the last few days. Both suggested by the two anak-anak Zainols (my housemates). One was about the revolution of swimsuit. And the other was actually a movie that Pika had wanted us to watch months back, about human trafficking. So if you guys have the time, do watch them. (Though i wont suggest those who are less than 20 to watch it).  But anyway, what was interesting was how much both of them were interrelated, directing my thoughts to this one word. 


what's on us, or what's in us? you choose. *wink*


Think we've heard of this term associated with women countless times. An object of desire, so they say. And I've never really put much thought in it. But one of the clips mentioned about this study done on male brains. It used pictures of females with a very minimal amount of clothes on; and two results came out. Quoting some part of her talk;

One group showed that a part of the brain that usually associate with tools, lights up upon seeing the pictures. And another group showed a more shocking result, when some part of the brain (the medial pre-frontal lobe) actually showed zero brain activity. And interestingly enough, it's the part of the brain that usually lights up when one is pondering another person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions. The results somewhat concluded that the minimally-covered images provoked these male-brains to associate these women to nothing other than just an object.

Phew. *peluh kecil*

And then i watched the human trafficking video, which highlights the fact that this 'sex industry' wouldn't even exist, if the humans didn't stoop down so low to fulfill their desires. It was a very dark and deep movie, depicting what is still happening around the world, where innocent vulnerable young girls and even kids, are being kidnapped and forced into prostitution. But what gets to me the most was the fact that there are 'customers' for these kinds of filthy things; but i guess it goes back to that one-word answer again, in their eyes, women are just objects, so why would they even care?

Is this a too big of a topic to talk about? Not really. I'd be lying to say Malaysia is a Muslim-filled country free from all these filth. It's all over the news isn't it? where houses a.k.a brothels are barged into by police officers now and then. And even if this industry is not blooming in Malaysia, the concept remains. Little girls are being raped, some are tormented to death, some are victims of their own families. Astaghfirullah wa naudzubillah. But this is the state that we're living in at the moment. When these lurking devils in the form of humans are preying for their objects. 

But the question is, 
why or even how did we become an object?

And while many point fingers to one another, i've always thought males and females both have roles in this 'objectifying' process. And let's face it: the Internet, tv shows, movies, youtube, facebook, instagram, K-Pop and songs; are definitely not helping. And somehow it felt like a new understanding for me, now that I'm thinking back to some verses in the Quran that described clearly what both men and women should do:

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

Katakanlah kepada orang laki-laki yang beriman: 

"Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya, dan memelihara kemaluannya; yang demikian itu adalah lebih suci bagi mereka, sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang mereka perbuat". 

For men, to lower down his gaze. Come to think of it, they were not asked to think of different things, but an action was needed instead. To lower the gaze, to turn away. After seeing the clip, and to my little understanding, it seems like men have this automatic brain reaction if they were to see things that they shouldn't, and the only way to fight it off is to lower down their gaze. Which is waayyy different than women's reaction for all i know; when we can look at something without having much thought about it, just beautiful birds chirping inside the brain-cage. Heh. It will always be just a theoretical thing for us, for we don't know exactly what kind of things are going on in their brain and the kind of fights that they have to put up. but in my opinion, it wont be easy, cause it's one of the test of faith. But that's them boys' fights. And in the end, iman is the only thing that will push their gaze down. 

And as for women; the next verse that followed was directed to us;

وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِينَ غَيْرِ أُولِي الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يَظْهَرُوا عَلَىٰ عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاءِ وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ 

Katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: "Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya, dan kemaluannya, dan janganlah mereka menampakkan perhiasannya, kecuali yang (biasa) nampak dari padanya. Dan hendaklah mereka menutupkan kain kedadanya, dan janganlah menampakkan perhiasannya kecuali kepada suami mereka, atau ayah mereka....Dan janganlah mereka memukulkan kakinya agar diketahui perhiasan yang mereka sembunyikan. Dan bertaubatlah kamu sekalian kepada Allah, hai orang-orang yang beriman supaya kamu beruntung. 


Ironically enough, our test is to avoid the attention. the verse says it all doesn't it? "menampakkan perhiasannya". and like guys, we have this genetically-engineered urge to show off. And with a weak iman, it pretty much leads to whatever that's happening nowadays. when all that we care about is matching clothes, the latest handbags, the flowery hijab-styles, the twirling skirts, the new sweet fragrances, the never ending selfies and portraiture of oneself. Well, it's a never-ending list really. But little did we realize that the more we have on us; the make-up, the scents, the colours, the flamboyant clothes; the more of an object we become. Because more attention are given to what's on us, rather than what's in us; not our emotions, not our perceptions, not our thoughts, let alone our personality. And this is too, a test of faith for us females. It's not easy to fight the urge and temptations, to avoid the attention. But it all goes back to the basics, that we can fight them off with iman.

And so i guess it's a hand-in-hand relationship between us (of course not in the literal sense); Where both men and women have to fight off our genetically-engineered reactions (a.k.a fitrah). And perhaps only then we can start seeing some changes in this huge scary world that we are living in. Hence it's enough to understand why Allah s.w.t set those rules for us in surah An-Nur. It's a fight, within ourselves first and foremost. Cause once and if we stop fighting, we would end up feeding our desires (hawa and nafs) off instead;

ultimately turning men into beasts, and women into objects.

As always, 
reminding others to remind myself. *sobs*
May Allah forever Guides us to and in His Path.
Aamiin ya Rabb.



To Lean On

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

*snuggly..buggly..wuggly* :)

I have this amazing ability to contract all the right bugs whenever there is a change of season. And the time was perfect this time around too, as my fever started right on the first day of my big exams. I am a bit of a whiny person when it comes to being sick, i have no intention of being tough and buff and have always loved the extra attention (talk about tak cukup kasih sayang.hehe). If my friends made me porridge or something, i'd always go haruu (grateful). But anyways, as it was the exam time i couldn't really put any attention to my health really, and had to gobble up all the paracetamols that i could get my hands on. Alhamdulillah with Allah's help i survived the ordeals and now that the exams are over, i finally am able to give this body of mine the rest that it needs. 

And boy it really demands a lot. I guess i've been keeping it all in, that it finally breaks out. For the moment, the best thing i could do is lie in bed and keep my head still, cause it feels like bursting whenever i cough or move. I cant even do my sujood properly cause it throbs and will continue throbbing for a while. Lying in bed, my heart started to wander off to the comfort of home. If only i was this sick at home, mama would definitely make me her special bubur and hot milk, and abah would have brought me to the sink to wash my hair with cold water or something. 

You know, being taken care of. 
And this is where my mind starts to wander off some more..

I guess little did we realize that Allah didn't actually sent us alone in this world. Yes, we'd end up being alone in the end after the short trip in this Dunya, but the whole journey has always been with those who we can lean on. Through Allah's Will and Allah's Mercy, we were surrounded with our own set of 'angels'. We  were welcomed into this world being cared for and loved by our parents. We grew up having most of what we want if not all of it, and never ever having to pay them back. 

And then perhaps we have those period where we have to be away from the confinements of parents and families, but Allah replaced them with our friends around. Perhaps the extent of attention and care that we get is not as much as what we'd get from families, but it's enough to keep us happy. When we'd get encouragements from one another, or the occasional words of wisdom, or that relationship advices, and even those random desserts we made for one another once in a while.

Soon enough the next step comes, where we'd find our partners. I am nowhere near this step at the moment *peluh kecil* i should be worried huh? But it's always an amazing thing if we look at it carefully, having this sudden huge feeling of compassion to this random stranger who have just entered our lives. But Allah still plant that feeling into us and we'd ended up leaning on one another, caring for them more than ourselves. Well, that's how it should be anyway; when we enter a relationship to give, rather than to take.

And then life goes on as we'd get older, and Allah-Willing our children have enough sense in them to understand the responsibility of taking care of their parents as how Islam taught us to. We'd be leaning on them, as life starts to slip away from us little by little, until it's time for us to meet Him again.

So taking a step back, it's quite obvious how beautiful Allah planned our lives isn't it? For every step of the way, He has never really left us alone, there will always be someone who would be with us. someone who'd be worried if we're sick; someone who'd count days that they'd be able to meet us; someone who misses our voice, our laughs, our jokes; someone who'd think of us whenever they see something beautiful; someone who'd text us just to make sure we're not alone. Search within ourselves, there would always be people who we would sacrifice everything for. And that's beautiful in it's own way;

cause when we do feel that way towards others, 
there will always be those who felt the same way towards us. 
InsyaAllah. :)

And even if we feel like we don't have anyone in this world to lean on,
there is always Allah s.w.t; who would never leave us alone.
And we all know that He's the best that we could ever hoped for right?


اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ
Allah adalah Tuhan yang bergantung kepada-Nya segala sesuatu.


Note: pray for my speedy recovery pretty please? 
heading for clinic today, finally~yosh!
Jazakumullahu khayr.


Mind rant #21: Butterflies

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

I am not sure if it's either because we're in the akhir zaman, or because i'm studying Medicine; that i now know better than to say that 12 weeks is a "long way to go". Eversince i came back here to Dublin and started the first day of our rotation, we all have (me and my friends) acknowledged the fact that it will fly by, super duper fast.

So by tomorrow, Monday will come. And it's to prove to us UCDians (that's my college name by the way, in case you guys didn't know) that the week is finally here. Big exams are coming, especially for us in the 4th and final year. Them fourth year kids will be facing their first set of Medicine and Surgery (i shuddered at the memory..alhamdulillah for passing that one!) while we will be facing off with 4 days of exams, one after the other (you name it, OSCEs, MCQs, SAQs, essays, and long cases) for both Paediatrics and Obstetrics & Gynaecology. These exams do scare us to bits and pieces. Huhu.

And the x-ray explains it all, the jitters inside of us from the accumulating butterflies. And trust me, they are not flying away beautifully in there, more like drilling holes in our tummies or something. But anyways, experiences have taught us enough that Allah s.w.t is the only One who can bring us through all of these. Yes, our effort still counts, but it definitely calms my nerves down much more by knowing that in the end, it's mainly from the help and power of doa that actually pulled us through whatever the hardships that we faced in our lives.

Doa from parents, 
Doa from families,
Doa from friends,
Doa from your sweet teachers,
and the Doa of some awesome anonymous peeps out there. :)

So i am writing this post to really humbly and sincerely ask you guys, anyone who's reading this, to make a little special doa for me and my friends and juniors, that we'd be passing our exams beautifully by the end of the week, insyaAllah. Extra doa are always welcomed! :)

Jazakumullahu khairan kathira. 
Only Allah is able to repay you, insyaAllah. :)

To the One watching us from above;
Permudahkan urusan kami, ya Allah.
Permudahkan urusan kami, ya Allah.
Permudahkan urusan kami, ya Allah.
 Aamiin ya Rabb.

"Bila kamu tak tahan lelahnya belajar,
Maka kamu akan menanggung peritnya kebodohan."
[imam Syafie]

Pedas sih? :)
....and a perfect picture to end this all...
Heh. *peace*



Gotcha Thinking

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

"little flower, can we be fwens?" kata baby-chunky-omaigod-nak-gigit.

“Tidaklah seseorang berfikir dalam waktu yang lama 
kecuali dia akan memahami 
dan seseorang tidak memahami sesuatu sama sekali 
kecuali dia pasti mengamalkannya" 



                                       Mr D  : so you have to kill the pig in a certain way then?
                                       Me     : oh, bacon is an absolute no-no.
                                       Mr D  : so you're saying you can't have any of these, at all?
                                                 (While he's gesturing at the food on his plate)
                                       Me     : nope.
                                       Mr D  : i didn't know bacon was a no-no.
                                                (and he patted me 'sympathetically' on the back)
                                       Me     : (aish.. =_=" i think i should be the one who's sympathizing)
                                                (the rest of the girls just laughed)
                                       Mr D  : but why?

I was in my Gynaecology rotation, and we were in theatres the whole morning before the Consultant finally let us off for a break. Mr D, my partner in crime, was extra hungry so he bought himself his morning plate of bacons, and he paid for my bowl of fruits. And i guess because of the difference in the food that we're eating he suddenly brought up the topic of halal food;

"Is there such a thing as halal pudding?"

In which i rambled a bit about non alcoholic stuff, and things like gelatin, and one of the girls asked me about Ramadhan and i talk a bit about that, and then the above conversation took place. So what was my answer? And how would you have answered it?

Being born into a Malay Muslim family and having spent most of my life growing up in a heavily-Muslim-populated country (i darenot say that it is a Muslim country just yet, huhu), one cannot deny that we all don't actually understand the faith that we say we believe in. We basically do whatever our parents, our teachers or the society tell us to do, and we would avoid doing whatever it is that is out of the norms. We all grew up accepting the fact that we have to pray 5 times a day, we have to fast during Ramadhan, we have to wear hijab (for the ladies), we have to do good, we can't touch dogs, we can't drink alcohol and we can't eat pigs. Heck, with what i've listed i may have just described what most of us back home defined Islam as. Astaghfirullah.

But the question remains, do we understand why?

And this is sadly the reality, where the source of all the jahilliyah are coming from; when most of us don't even understand the reasons behind our ibadah, our acts of faith. So how can we expect someone to pray 5 times a day, when they don't even know why they are praying? How can we expect some girl to wear her hijab after she finished her schooling days, when she doesn't even understand the reason behind the protection Allah wants to give women? How can we expect someone to not drink alcohol, when all their friends are, and they don't see what harms it brings? And how can we expect a girl to not sleep with her boyfriend, when all the shows on TV are showing that they're normal mistakes people do in that transition to adulthood? Astaghfirullah wa naudzubillah. May Allah protect us all. But what i'm getting to is that it all started at one crucial point;

When we became Muslims, 
just because others around us are Muslims.

Alhamdulillah for the opportunities that Allah has given me to be in a place where Muslims are scarce. Hence, the weird and wonderful questions are always coming my way. Why are you praying? What do you say in your prayers? Why do you wear the hijab? Why would you miss your lunch rather than skip your prayers? Why do you have to take your wudhu (ablution) before your prayers? Why can't you touch another men or women? Why can't you drink alcohol? Why can't you eat those chicken sandwiches? And the list goes on.

To be frank, they are all simple questions. They are just asking us things that we do on a daily basis. So isn't it weird, that we cannot really explain why we are doing the everyday things that we do?  And as simple as it is, it definitely got me thinking deep; especially when i find myself at a loss for words for why am i doing the things that i am doing, and why am i avoiding the things that i am avoiding. 

And i think none of us are exempted from making this mistake. Perhaps we're now so used to following what the society does, to do things rather blindly, that we don't even find the time to dwell a little bit deeper into our ad-Deen. And one might even say that Allah Knows better, and we just have to do whatever Allah wants us to do; i'd agree to that too definitely. but that is only the starting point. because for whatever that Muslims are obliged to do and avoid, we all have to believe that there will always be hikmah (reasons) behind them; and while keeping that in mind, it would definitely be better if we actually go a bit further and think a little bit deeper with what and why we are doing them. because then we'd be able to find all the more beautiful reasons behind our acts of faith, and why Islam is beautiful as our way of life, and insyaAllah it will make us more istiqamah (steadfast) in what we are doing. And isn't it one of the many paths to Jannah? 

So as much as his questions got me thinking a little bit deeper,
I hope it gotcha thinking too. 


Nota kaki:
my answer to Mr D? we all somewhat knew about how piggies eat their own poops and the so many different types of worms living in them, (i think i found an article or two about them and videos of coke and piggy meat..*shudders*) but i couldn't really spill all of that info to his face while he's enjoying them can i? So i opt for a simpler answer instead; 

"i think there are some scientific reasons out there which i dont really know much about. 
But to me it's just an act of faith, or a test of faith. 
How much are you willing to avoid the things that you are told to avoid, out of faith." 

Hehe, a bit of a philosophical answer and i'm not sure if they understood it. But oh well, it's what i believe in anyway.

Salam :)


Prayers and Pillars

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

"Solat itu tiang agama."
(Salaat [prayers] is the pillar of Deen)

..such a simple statement, for something so deep..


I was at the Dublin Games on Saturday, which was held in UCD. And since we'd be having a 3-day weekend this time around, i decided to join my friends volunteering as the First-Aiders. :) There wasn't really much that we needed to do, other than sitting around watching the games and occasionally passing the muscle-spray for anyone who wants them. Both me and Ika were indoors most of the time, so luckily the indoor games didn't lead to much traumatic injuries like the ones in the futsal court (someone actually dislocated his shoulder.ganas kaum Adam nih).

Anyhow, as hours passed by, it was Zuhr time. And since the weather was not the best that day with the freezing rain and wind, it wasn't really the best option to walk the drenching 10-minutes-path to the surau. So i decided to perform my prayers in the gym. Ika suggested a spot that everybody used to pray in the gym, which was a corridor overseeing the whole court. It was bit awkward to be doing so as it was an open space, but i got over the feeling and performed my salaat anyway, before we continued watching the games afterwards. And that's when I noticed that all those other kids who were finished with their games were actually swarming the corridors afterwards. sometimes on their own, sometimes a bunch of them together, performing the Zuhr prayer. 

I don't know why, but i felt a sense of pride watching this. seeing that many of us are dutifully doing what an abid (hamba/slave) should be doing. I guess it's been a while that I've been around these many muslim students at one time, where everybody would all be looking for random places to pray. But to see so many of us performing salaat at an open space like that, definitely proves that prayers can be performed anytime and anywhere. There's no reason for us not to. And this is definitely one of those special experiences that I had over the years of studying abroad. :)"

But sadly enough, 
there are still those who just don't.


As we grew up, we are blessed with more experiences and exposures to help us think a little bit deeper, in anything that we do. And the same should go with prayers. Perhaps we started off performing them when we were little out of orders from parents. Then perhaps it was because it will be embarrassing to not do it cause all our friends are doing it. And then it sort of became a ritual for us to do it. And after a while we'd feel incomplete without it, and as the years passed, hopefully we are all aiming to make the best out of our daily prayers, insyaAllah: to understand more, to perform it better, and aiming to make these prayers as a shield to our own sins.

But in reality, what's happening is the complete opposite. The more we age, the less time we spend to perform them, because excuses are piling up with our so called 'obligations' to life: our studies, our work, our families, our friends. And what's worse, we actually found other things as more important than our prayers that we even left them all out, putting prayers as just something that we'd do when we have time. And the worst part of it all, is that the majority of us who intentionally skip prayers are those who have been given an abundance of nikmat (blessings) by Allah s.w.t.

Allah gave us brains to study abroad, and yet we left the prayers out, just because of those back-to-back classes that we have. Allah gave us so much rezeki with all those projects and profits, and yet we left the prayers out, because of those appointments with them important clients. Allah gave us big titles like Directors and CEOs, and yet we left the prayers out again, just because we have important pressing matters to discuss in those meetings. I guess we all have forgotten a simple fact here;

the One who gave us the brains, the profits, and the titles, 
are actually the One who is always able to take them all back.

And so whenever i see those around me who deliberately skip their prayers, my imaginary-self would be literally choking the person repeatedly asking him/her "why the heck are you not praying???". But the reality is, we all know that in order for someone to intentionally skip their prayers, there must be something so big and broken inside of them, and that's the first thing that we have to help them fix. They have to understand why prayers are an obligation. Because even if we force them to do so in front of us, there's always the higher chances that they would leave those prayers again behind our backs.

It's sad. To see those who cannot appreciate what prayers are; Who couldn't perform this obligatory prayers whole-heartedly; Who hasn't understand how prayers are a testimony of a Muslim, and that leaving them out may jeopardise our iman; who couldn't comprehend the huge losses with every prayers that they missed, and how much drained their hearts and souls will be; Who doesn't know how much these prayers connect us to Allah s.w.t. and how much it act as a shield in this temporary world we are living in.

But them not understanding is not an excuse for us to let them be either. It means we have a job to do. To explain to them what they don't understand, to tell them what they have missed, to remind them of the consequences that comes along with it. It may take a while, but istiqamah is definitely the key, insyaAllah. Thus, let us put our hands together for them, and for ourselves, and make du'a that Allah will show His Mercy and guide us through this path towards Him. To keep our hearts steadfast in this very short journey; 

After all, our whole lives in Dunya is only a few hours worth in the HereAfter isn't it? 
Semoga Allah redha. 

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said: 
"The first matter that the slave will be brought to account for on the Day of Judgement is the prayer.
If it is sound, then the rest of his deeds will be sound. 
And if it is bad, then the rest of his deeds will be bad."



Ten %

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

linked + edited

"Kadang-kadang, bila baca blog orang tu kita boleh kenal orang tu."
(Sometimes, you can get to know a person when you read their blogs / writings)
- a friend of mine-


"7 billion people, 14 billion faces."
Currently, i found myself reading quotes that more or less carry the same message....

We are now living in a world where there is literally no barriers. Everyone has access to basically anyone. Undeniably there are those who are able to choose to not be a part of this life, no online stuff, just normal daily stuff; there are also those who couldn't be a part of this life as they don't have any internet access with them (lucky them, huh?); i won't dwell into them, it's just us that i wanted to talk about. Us, ones who are finding ourselves stuck in this way of life.

Everyone now has a part of them that others can have a look into: be it facebook, twitter, instagram, and even blogs. Yes, undeniably we have all chosen to expose a part of our lives to others. Maybe not so much to random public eyes, but it's close enough. We can never really control who sees us and who doesn't. And even if all these online accounts have that setup called 'privacy settings'; let us all be truthful, there will always be random people lurking around who we don't even know.

We all practically do the same thing, exposing our lives to others (be it our friends or strangers); albeit the varying extent of the things we exposed. It ranges from just random thoughts, to pictures of your whereabouts, to political stands, to pouring-out-emotions-of-daily-lives. The extent of what we share with others somewhat reflect the way we think, the way we live. So i guess perhaps that's why many fall into the trap of thinking that they actually knew the person that they are reading about online.

But I think we have forgotten, that somehow everybody chooses what they want to expose. those thoughts, those pictures, they are not that random. those awesome quotes, how long did we spend searching for that inspirational words? those pictures, how many unedited ones were rejected before posting those filtered ones? those candid moments, how long did we ask our friends to actually snap our pictures of our uncandid poses? those delicious-looking food, how difficult was it to really take a picture from an exact 90 degree angle just to make it look scrumptiously delicious? 

We laugh at this now, because we all know that this is the reality behind it. And I've said this before and i will say it again; the worst part of it all is we dont just bluntly believe in all these things that we see online, but we'd also be painting our own version of that person that we are seeing. If they posted good islamic stuff, we all paint them to be this person with haloes on their heads and wings behind their backs. If they posted their awesome poses and stylish clothes, we all paint them to be this rich and famous and awesome people who have no problems in their world, and moan about our own lives. If we see people posting bad stuff, we'd easily paint them to be those club-goers, alcohol-drinking, zina-prone people. It's a dangerous habit we have; to make a judgement of one's life with what they posted online.

When we paint them to be 'nice' people, 
we would never give them a chance to make mistakes. 
And when we paint them to be 'bad' people, 
we would never give them a chance that they might change for the better.


So my take on all of these, is something that my dad always say; 
Whatever you put out there, it's only 10% of the real you. 
And Abah is right.

It is only 10% of the real us. To say that we are able to know someone just by looking at their pictures, and occasionally reading their thoughts, are not enough to say that we know them. To get to know someone is when you discover both their beauties and their flaws. But apparently, nobody wants to show any of their flaws in that 10% now do we? Thus, this 10% can be as beautiful as we want it to be, but the reality is always with the 90% that's left. Because that is where we live, where realities are, where the no-makeup faces are, where the fights are, where the lonely days are, where the sweatshirts and messy hair are, where the sinful acts are, as well as where the real tests of our iman takes place; If we are actually doing the things that we are reminding others of. Scary world, huh? ~sigh~

And I am definitely no exception in this. All the posts in my facebook, or the things that i write, are only 10% of who i am. Am i always deep in thoughts 24/7? of course not! But i hope that my 10% is a booster for my 90%, whenever i make mistakes, or lose my patience, or felt hopeless; that i will have a part of me to cheer me on. And that perhaps from this 10% of my life, i'll get prayers from those who benefited from them. and most importanly, i hope that my 10% will be a testimony in the Hereafter that i did try doing something that brings us all closer to Allah. Aamiin wa insyaAllah.

So what's your 10% like?
I pray that you make the best out of yours too insyaAllah.
and i end today's post with the best reminder of all;
that Allah s.w.t knows us 100%, inside and out. :)

وَأَسِرُّوا قَوْلَكُمْ أَوِ اجْهَرُوا بِهِ إِنَّهُ عَلِيمٌ بِذَاتِ الصُّدُورِ
أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ وَهُوَ اللَّطِيفُ الْخَبِيرُ

Dan rahsiakanlah perkataanmu atau lahirkanlah;  
sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mengetahui segala isi hati.
Apakah Allah Yang menciptakan itu tidak mengetahui (yang kamu lahirkan atau rahsiakan);  dan Dia Maha Halus lagi Maha Mengetahui?



Mind rant 20#: Lovey Dovey Lagi

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ


Now now, with my bestfriend-of-8-years's wedding only days away, and then receiving this invitation card full of love today, and not to mention the daily updates of the wedding from dresses to pelamin to flowers because I'm not able to be there; how can I resist the temptation to write another Love post? You tell me. =.=

I guess it's something unavoidable, at this age too, that when we hear these happy news, we tend to find ourselves back in the mind-state "when will my time comes?". It is annoying, irritating and rather tiring too, having to face the same kind of thoughts that we already know all the answers to. But I guess that's why Allah let us have those feelings, to let us come back to all the answers again, through Him. InsyaAllah.


Love addicts. 
It's what we've all been fed through movies, dramas, songs and books; which is to be one. I remembered back when i was in highschool, i watched this series called Gilmore Girls. So one time, the girl Rory had a boy that she liked. His name was Dean. And then one time when they have been dating for a while, Dean suddenly said "i love you" which got Rory all flustered and she went back home in a huff saying things like she's not prepared yadda yadda. And I remembered thinking, "ouhh, so you can like someone.....but you can't say i love you??"  See how easy the ideas seep into the young heads? Looking back, even now, i don't understand the logic or message behind that scene. Heh.

My point is, this is just one of the millions of ideas of love that were put into our heads. Love is this. Love is that. Love makes you do crazy things. Love is a mental disease. The list goes on. You can get all sorts of definitions online. Look it up yourself, or better yet, don't look it up!

We are too busy confusing ourselves with all the love quotes out there, that we forget the real idea of love is when you are able to love for the sake of Allah. Yes it is a cliche thing to say, but it's one of the hardest thing one can ever do in this short life. To love for the sake of Allah; understanding what it means alone is hard enough, differentiating which love is which is another difficult step, and truly loving someone for the sake of Allah is the most crucial and hardest step of all. And sadly enough, we all fall into another trap of this Dunya, when we thought that loving for the sake of Allah is when we exchange words like ana or akhi or ukhti or the occasional lillahi Taala in our daily text messages to that person we like, perhaps even smiling giddily at our phones. 

But syaitonirrojim a.k.a mr Devil's traps doesn't end here. The test to see if our love is for the sake of Allah goes beyond that. It doesn't stop when we put on the engagement ring, it doesn't stop on the day of our ijab qabul, it doesn't stop when we have 5 grown-up kids, but it goes on till the day we die. Because despite love itself being a gift from Allah, Allah wants this Love to be for Him first, and only then the rest can follow. So the question is, how do we know if we are actually loving someone for the sake of Allah? And I found this best answer from a talk; 

it is when something or someone that we love, is taken away from us. 
That's when we know where our love stand. 
Whether we actually love our Creator, or His creations.

But unfortunately, this is what happens most; we see people ended up so messed up when they are not able to get who they want, or ended up so miserable and not being able to let go when things are not going their way. The breakups, the engagements being called off, the dramas when the mother opposes of your relationship, the fights you have, being upset of one another etc. All those time when they were together they'd say things like "i love him/her, lillahi taala" and the next moment when things don't work out, they became so depressed as if it's the end of the world, and Allah seems to be the last thing in their minds. Astaghfirullah wa naudzubillah.

But of course, we wouldn't truly know the feelings involved for those who are tested with these kinds of emotional turmoils. And saying things out (or rather, typing) is always easier than actually going through it ourselves. But still, I guess this is why we are tested with love, to remind ourselves that we have not been playing our part of the bargain yet. 

We say that we love Allah and we want to enter His Jannah, but Allah knows that we are not quite sincere enough with what we are saying, and thus Allah test us with feelings and emotions, to  humble us down, so much so to the point that we are able to let go of whatever that Allah takes back from us with ease. At that moment, we are no longer loving his Creations, but we are loving the Creator. And perhaps only then, we are worthy enough to be one of Allah's ahlul-Jannah. And isn't that the biggest gift of all?


So there is still a looooong way to go for me. But it doesn't hurt to prepare myself (and all the readers) beforehand with the reminders of all the tests that come with Love; that it's not all lovey-dovey with rose petals falling while we walk into this path.

And to remind us, that what matters most is not who we love or who love us back, 
but if the love is built with Allah, and for Allah s.w.t. 

So to all dearest friends who are about to embark on that new journey, i am sending my prayers to all of you, may Allah guide your Love to Him through and through. InsyaAllah.

And a side note to myself:
*slap in the face*
Please come back to your senses, yan.
Your time is just not here yet.
Huhuhu *nanges bawah bantal*
*kofkof* back to being Macho. :)

kad dari jauh. see how special my name is? (Larleem = Darling)

Ps: Barakallahulakuma to my sweetest friend, Fatin Wahab who will be leaving me all alone in the scary world of single-hood on the 13th of October. I hope the readers can pray for her and future hubby too. May Allah bless their marriage till Jannah insyaAllah. 

وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Dan orang orang yang berkata: 
"Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kepada kami isteri-isteri kami dan keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati (kami), 
dan jadikanlah kami imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa."

beautiful doa, as always.
Aamiin ya Rabb.



no fancy celebration this year.

a few phone-calls in the morning.
thanking Mama and apologizing to her for the pain of giving birth to me,
and for putting up with her daughter for the next 24 years. i love you.
she dreamt of me the night before by the way. hehe~
next is Abah. who's back to counting days that i'll be home again.
heh. no surprise there. i love you. :)

occasionally reading texts and tags and posts;
beautiful wishes and prayers,
and some cheeky jokes too.
they never fail to make me feel all bubbly inside.

later during the day;
i had a quite lunch-break+little cake with my partners-in-crime,
ika + pika + akem

and then we all head back to our books in the library.
we might just end up doing this for the rest of our final year,
being studious and nerdy in the library at weekends. :)

only a few strides left before we would become Doctors, insyaAllah. 
the thought scares us as much as it excites us.

ya Allah,
ease our path.
ease our path.
ease our path.
in whatever that we do,
and don't let us go astray. 

ps: i have a bucket-load of wishes for my 24th year, truthfully. 
some are very special ones too. *huhuuuu~~*
but i leave it to Him to decide what's best. 
i can only ask and do my best. insyaAllah. 

oh, and i have an exam tomorrow. 
send me some prayers?

may Allah showers us all with His blessings and mercy.
and to make us all His thankful Hamba;
who will never forget His Nikmat,
in times of happiness and sadness.
insyaAllah wa Aamiin~

perhaps my last birthday in Dublin? insyaAllah.
living up to the status: final Med.

and Alhamdulillah for having them 'anak-anak Zainol' every step of the way.
3 musketeers + 1 Zorro taking the pic. :)

thank You, ya Rabb.
Semoga Allah Redha.
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