Lonesome Rides

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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I would often see myself as one of those lonely ones. Having being left here with a very small group of people, to walk about Dublin (and anywhere in Ireland), doing Medicine. There's only a few of us left (malaysians, that is) to venture into the clinical years, which usually lead us to random hospitals and places. all requiring us to travel alone; in the dark hours of the morning, making our way through the drenching almost-winter rain, all by ourselves. sobs.

It's kind of sad at times. Believe me, I have never been one to be doing things alone back home, before I came to Dublin. Bus rides around town? Nah, Abah won't even let me. He even made Kakak or Abe fetch me from the airport and drop me off to KMB (hehe. i love you guys for that). So, i grew up with this idea in my head that i am one of those dependent type. But alhamdulillah, the things i have to do now have somewhat changed me. Still dependent in some ways (ie tak cukup kasih sayang hehe) but pretty much awesome with everything else. *kofkof* Well, we all just have to be, don't we? :)

So this brings me back to my lonely bus rides. As of late, i have to travel for more than an hour everyday to go to the recent hospital that i am attached to. If i am unlucky enough and missed my buses, it'll drag on for another half an hour. 

I am one of the girls who you'd always see earphone lines coming out of their hijab, listening to whatever music that i am into, almost always lost in thoughts. But a few weeks back i decided to do things a little differently. Vowing to myself to not have any note of music on for all the rides, and even back home. So the choices left are ayatul Quran and talks.

I had a few converted-to-mp3 talks on my ipod, so i decided to download some more. Ones from a new speaker i am currently fond of (thanks to Abah and Lin for introducing him) - Bilal Assad. Which lead me to this awesome whirlwind of a ride. Cause listening to these talks, they can be funny or heart-moving or very serious at times. So at one time i think i might have looked so freakishly serious with all the creases on the forehead; and at one time i'd be smiling ever so broadly on my own, and another time it would be an "onion-burning-my-eyes" moments. Now these all looked worse when you are actually trying to stifle all the reactions. Covering my mouth while i am grinning, and looking up every so often to keep the tears in. pretty much the description of a 'weirdo in the bus'.

Alhamdulillah, i enjoyed it thoroughly. It's definitely a new experience for me, as i have never done this wholeheartedly before. The talks that I listened to? Well, in truth sometimes they are discussing things that we all already knew of, occasionally there are new things in them too. The things that moved me, are perhaps the things that have moved me before. Listening back to stories of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W, or the importance of Ramadhan, or the debate between Allah and Iblis upon creating Adam A.S; they are not things that we don't already know of. But somehow, they have touched the heart again, perhaps in the same spot, or perhaps even differently. So it goes to show how important it is for us to keep the reminders coming back to us again and again, even if it is for the hundredth time. 

Perhaps we wondered why those kids would always have their weekly seating (bulatan gumbira, usrah, halaqah)? What drives them to attend these boring meetings or talks? But I think we all knew the answer to that already, right? 

it's just because they are the food for our souls.

because for the constant sins that we commit everyday, little ones and big ones, with or without us realizing it; they should all be washed away with constant reminders of Allah, in remembrance of Allah.

Ibn Mas’ud said:

"…The slave continues to lie and a black spot grows in his heart until all his heart becomes black. Then he is written, in Allah's sight, among the liars." 

(Al-Albani)

So in the end I came to a realization that these lonely bus rides have always been a blessing in disguise. It took me a while to make me turn them into one, though (hampeh punya pasal). And there is nothing more I can say other than, Alhamdulillah; all praises go back to Allah. thank You for giving me the chance.

so here's to hoping you'll have your own takes of lonely awesome rides too peeps! 

and just another verse of the day to push us a lil' bit.

أَفَلَمۡ يَسِيرُواْ فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ فَتَكُونَ لَهُمۡ قُلُوبٌ۬ يَعۡقِلُونَ بِہَآ أَوۡ ءَاذَانٌ۬ يَسۡمَعُونَ بِہَا‌ۖ فَإِنَّہَا لَا تَعۡمَى ٱلۡأَبۡصَـٰرُ وَلَـٰكِن تَعۡمَى ٱلۡقُلُوبُ ٱلَّتِى فِى ٱلصُّدُورِ

"maka apakah mereka tidak berjalan di muka bumi, lalu mereka mempunyai hati yang dengan itu mereka dapat memahami atau mempunyai telinga yang dengan itu mereka dapat mendengar? Karena sesungguhnya bukanlah mata itu yang buta, tetapi yang buta, ialah hati yang di dalam dada."

[22:46]

Salam Jumaah.

Don't forget to recite Kahfi.

bad decisions. 

we all need to make them. 

that's the only way we learn.

i wish i could write. but good writings comes from dada yang lapang. apparently mine is a little bit messy these days. mohon doa, from anyone who's still sweet enough to drop by into this hidey hole. :)

Assalamualaikum.

Too Much

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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sometimes we want something so much, that we don't think much of anything else.

we disregard all the 'what if's'.

what if it won't be mine?

what if it gets stolen?

what if i lose it?

and then it happened.

when we really can't have it.

what happens next?

*****

i'm seeing so much of these around me;

that i think i've been really cautious not to fall into the same trap.

because every time i hear the whines they make just because they don't get something that they want,

it makes me feel so tired inside.

and don't we all feel the same?
and yet, don't we all do the same?

*****

why do we humans like to agonize over something that we don't have?

day-dreaming of things so far ahead of us, sometimes even beyond our reach?

wanting things too much, that we burden ourselves, inflicting unnecessary pain on oneself just to have them.

Wordly things.

they consist of many; and it's not just those bags, the jobs, the cars, and the house.

Love is also one of them; Love which doesn't make you any closer to Allah.

******

we all have a problem, really.

we want the things that we don't have, too much.

and we forget the things that we already have, too fast.

as always, reminder to self, first and foremost.

jom tadah tangan:

Ya Rabb,

berikanlah kami ilham untuk tetap mensyukuri nikmat-Mu 

yang Engkau anugerahkan kepada kami.

Aamiin.

******

“Jika kamu menghitung-menghitung nikmat Allah, 

nescaya kamu tidak akan dapat menentukan jumlahnya (menghitungnya). 

Sesungguhnya Allah benar-benar Maha Pengampun Lagi Maha Penyayang.”

[16:18]

mind rant #9

this will be a real one. i'll let words flow out of my congested brain.

**Demi Masa**

it's amazing how time is just another 'makhluk'. something that lives, something that exists with us. and it has never yet change it's ultimate purpose; which is to leave us behind. to never wait nor stop. and we, the one at fault, will always find ourselves chasing time. Allahu Allah. letih. i've always ended up with the same conclusion over and over again. "i wish i had more time."

to call abah and mama. 

to make a decision. 

to study hard. 

to read the Quran. 

to choose wisely. 

to blog and to remind! 

to do something i enjoy.

to do anything i want, for as long as i want.

without the guilt. without the pressure.

but that's not how Time works. and it's scary really. to think that we are accountable for all the time spent. and for all the time wasted. if we think of it that way then maybe having a lot of time is not such a good thing huh?

**Uncertainty**

i find it very interesting, that Allah put me in a state of uncertainty, and yet, throws so many certain things my way; knowing that i can never really choose them. 

they say that for every situations that Allah put us in, it is because Allah wants to build our akhlak inside. i was initially wondering what Allah wanted to 'plant' in me. then finally the answer came, it was sabar.  and i guess when this uncertainty ends, it will definitely change to something else later on. oh well, i just hope i reach His Expectations. semoga menjadi hamba yang lebih sabar. Aamiin. :)

**Redha**

we all know that the ultimate aim in life is to seek His Redha. we all are seekers of His Redha. and interestingly, one of the path involves us doing the same thing; redha dengan ketetapan Allah. and how do this actually works? some said it's when we accept whatever our fates are. menerima Qada' dan Qadar. 

and looking around me, i guess i'm learning a thing or two about this;

that Redha is not just through words; "Aku Redha."

it's when our amal and our hearts are. 

**Bimbang**

gembira; friends are graduating kiri dan kanan; and thus those wedding invitations are following closely behind. it's that time of the year again :) Alhamdulillah~ (and oh, sedikit jealous.heheh)

but as the common saying goes: "grass is always greener on the other side."

dan akhirnya saya bimbang;

seeing others being caught up with friends who are getting married. when they are no longer seeing things beyond. moping around that they are not married, while others are. and seeing marriage as just another solution for a problem that we have; of being lonely and takut jadi andartu. hadoy. =,=''

focusing on marriage as if it's the only source of Chenta in this world;

marriage is not a solution,

it's a responsibility.

menjadi isteri yang taat; 

rather simply said, but definitely not an easy task.

we all are ready for the white weddings, the bouquets, the hantaran, the flower girls etc.

but are we really ready for all the other things?

the small bickering in the future;

the smelly clothes he threw your way;

the broken kitchen sink that is still not fixed;

the day that he forgot your own anniversary;

the day you're so sad you just want a hug, and all he does is watch football.

how sure are we that we can handle all these in the most appropriate-'isteri-yang-taat' way?

tepuk dada, tanya iman. :)

**Doa**

it's the best feeling in the world. knowing that there is Allah;

who listens to every word you say;

who understand every feelings you feel;

who can solve every single problems that you have;

who Knows what is best for you, and what is not.

tak cukup lagi kah?

**********

end of mind rant.

reminders to self first and foremost insyaAllah.

ps: i've been busy. :P

mohon doa. that Allah Eases my path.

jazakumullah~ :)

Problems

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it's only been 5 days since i started my 4th year. and yet, it felt as if it has been forever. things are piling up one after the other. and i find myself.. suffocated. yes, maybe that's the word. i feel suffocated. not knowing what to do, where to start, how to do it. 

totally not the best way to start this year. and this other problem that i'm having is not helping either. i've tried so many things within these few days to solve it. but none works so far. and what i hate most is that, in the end, one question will pop up in my head, is this something that Allah wants me to live with? 

but Abah gave me some words of wisdom today. (and while i am at this, i'd like to thank Viber for allowing me to call my beloved for free everyday. alhamdulillah). anyway, abah said:

a problem is just a problem.

it is meant to be solved.

and when i came back. Pika elaborate this further with her dad's words of wisdom (yeah, i think we have cool dads);

one day, that problem will be a part of your history.

so just wait.

because eventually, it will be solved.

eventually you will be able to look back,

and say it was your history.

Allahu Allah.

there's a heavy feeling. i do feel sad. i do feel like crying.

yet, i just wish i won't. because i know it's not right.

and because i know that there are so many other things that Allah has protected me from;
and still is.

so to You,

i will do my best. tawakkal dan usaha, insyaAllah.

because they all happened biidznillah.

and if it's with Your Will, then, it would never be for nothing.

"if Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

Aamiin ya Rabb.

wa insyaAllah. :')

"With every hardship, comes ease. 

Verily, with hardship comes ease." 

[94: 5-6]

Allah's Promise;

made to never be broken. insyaAllah :')

mohon doa from anyone who reads this.

May He Ease.

jazakumullah.

Post It

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selalu;
we worry of those whom we haven't talked to for so long.
we worry of those whom we haven't met for so long.

diorang kecik hati ke?
diorang sedih ke?

we wonder to ourselves,
have we not taken a good care of our silaturrahim (relationships) with others?

tapi;
the truth is, we won't ever be able to take care of all the relationships that we have.
be it with the close ones, or even ones that we have just met.

but the beautiful thing here is,
when we do remember them,
we are always able to make do'a for them.

without having to post them gifts.
or give them well-wishes.
or post things on their wall.
or poke them on facebook.

make do'a for whoever comes to mind,
and post it to Him.
InsyaAllah,
He Takes Care of the rest.

beautiful kan?
i think so too.

words of wisdom for the day;
Jaga hubungan dengan Allah,
nescaya terjaga hubungan dengan Manusia.
(sorry i don't know if this is a hadith or not)

Adat atau Ibadat?

Woke up at 4am today.  Head out at 6am. Alhamdulillah it’s summer, so the sun was shining rather brightly despite it being 6am. Now it’s almost 9am. Done with ward rounds. Currently studying alone, waiting for my tutorials at lunch time. Writing this post to chase the dizziness away. :P

***********

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A few years back, the world Malaysian world were in awe with a wedding clip, by none other than the famous CST production. It showed a wedding of our seniors from KMB apparently. And what captured us the most was the swimming pool scene where the cute newly weds jumped into the pool. With some commentaries of how they meet etc. it was all sweet really. One of a kind, definitely.

And then the CST team along with the videographer industry bloomed. *and of course CST has always been one of my favourites* back then. But after a while, you get to see them everywhere. Too much. Despite all the weddings being beautiful and sweet, my little heart cant help but notice a pattern from all those videos we can find.

1. From just akad nikah (solemnization) ceremony and reception,

now there seem to be 5-6 ceremonies per wedding. =,=''

2. From just the mosques or living rooms, 

now people have specific altars for them.

3. Then people started having majlis berinai.

4. Then there were things like mandi bunga.

5. And then there were the dayangs with all the colour-coded dresses. 

If it’s 12 dulangs, then there will be 12 beautiful ladies. 

Aurat terjaga? Hm..yet to find one.

6. Then there is even the coming out of the car part. 

Used to be the typical Mercedez. 

Then the cars apparently got bigger and more expensive.

7. And then you see things like extragavant majlis bertunang.

8. And then there are even re-enactments of how they meet, 

and how they pop the questions? 

Some even went down on one knee, literally. 

*what are we, mat saleh?*

So many things. I haven’t watched that many. But I thought of sharing the latest ones I bumped into. Where they showed the entrance of the wedding ceremony filled with pre-solemnization portraits of the newly-weds-to-be. And you guessed it right, there were photos of kisses-on-cheeks, hugs, all the poses really *sigh*. I wondered, how did the Tok Kadi felt when he walked in between those portraits? *haha* one can only wonder.

Truth is, I’m scared of what our Malaysian society has turned into. When people takes adat too seriously, and leaves ibadat, too seriously. Im scared of how everybody is doing what everybody else is doing. Following mempiggy-blinded, without actually thinking. 

Pleasing the eyes, rather than the hearts. 

Pleasing our nafs, rather than Our Creator.

And what scares me most, is that I AM living in this society. and iman yang turun naik ni might not be strong enough to keep me grounded with my beliefs should the time come. That I too, will worry more about adat rather than fulfilling my ibadat.

Tapi selagi masa belum sampai, I will keep on praying for me and everyone else out there, that Allah keeps us grounded and rationale in the things that we do, insyaAllah. Some say it’s a once in a lifetime event. I’d say yes, that’s true. That’s why you want to make the best out of it to present it to Him later on.

and here’s one thing that I’ve learnt from a sister a few years back, from Usul 20. (read: source)

“Asal dalam perkara ibadat adalah mengabdikan diri 

tanpa berpaling kepada makna-maknanya 

sedangkan asal dalam perkara adat, 

dilihat kepada rahsia-rahsia, hikmat dan tujuannya.”

*********

In my simple understanding and belief;

For Ibadat; 

there is always a reason/benefit/underlying meaning behind them in the Eyes of our Creator. Our job is to do it. Albeit not knowing fully the reason behind it *of course it’s better to know*. Ie; solat. Puasa. Kerja. Etc.

For Adat:

you have to know what and why are you doing them in the first place. Because more often than not, they lead you to all things wrong in His Eyes; especially when we choose to not know, and just follow.

just a thought.

wallahua'lam.

stress-relief :)

we'll be having a 3-day weekend this time. alhamdulillah :)

it's waaay past midnight. 

i've just finished some new look for my alter-ego. 

puas hati ku. mwahahaha~

i like making cute stuff. matching colours. finding cute pics. looking for good quotes.

reflection for today?

much really.

of late, been thinking of ujian again.

how ungrateful we are, for being so weak with small ujian.

padahal orang lain jauh lagi besar ujian mereka. 

forgive me ya Allah,

for i easily forget.

~haih~

anyways. 

some pictures i found on chocolates.

i started the weekends with high sugar. (as seen in facebook).

seems it might be that way the whole weekend.

gemok. :P

sorry for the rants.

i promise to write some 'food for soul' the next time.

insyaAllah. 

happy weekend!

1. gahh~~ i took them all. no wonder the diet never works. T_T 

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2. looking forward to a good weekend. with books, reminders, family time..and cakes? ;)

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3. and drinking lots and lots of caffein. - this will kill me someday. haih~

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4. and some of this...? *there's some truth behind it really*
feelings? yes.
thoughts? definitely.
memories? none yet.
and one person who has yet to come.
nowhere near this. prayers are all i've got.
*sorry. layan fitrah jap. i am a normal being. heh*

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goodnight world.

be good to everyone.

Allah is Watching. 

salam.

Cracks in Life II

too many activities in a day, lead me to miss out on routines that i used to do. untuk basahkan hati, there are so many ways that Allah has provided. as for me, watching videos of people's 'Hijrah' is always one of those things that can always touch that deepest most vulnerable part of the heart. just listening and watching their stories; from non believers to believers, from non practicing to practicing, all evoke different kinds of emotions within me. i prayed that those emotions or tears are not for nothing, but only make me closer to Him. insyaAllah. here's one video for the night. as much as it has touched mine, i hope it will touch your hearts too.

they were groups of singers i've grown up listening to.

the song Belaian Jiwa is a song i've sung to up till this day.

and to be able to hear it with different yet more purposeful lyrics,

shows that Allah Maha Kuasa, Allah Maha Penyayang. 

One who opens doors to anyone who seeks for them.

like one of them said in the video, we all hope for istiqamah in this path.

no matter how different the path is,

some harder than the other,

some further than the other;

insyaAllah we all pray that they will all lead up to the same destination: Jannah.

they had their cracks in life,
which had let the largest amount of light in: Hidayah.
so don't let your cracks in life remain just cracks;
but remember to let some of the lights in through them. :)

i pray Allah keep them all safe.

i pray Allah keep me safe.

i pray Allah keep us all safe. 

Ameen.

:')

mind rant 3#

salam.  gaah~ this is why it's dangerous for me to come back home early. because i will end up doing this kinds of things. despite having so many other important things to do like the never-ending lectures that i need to read, understand and memorize before the coming exam (which is in a month). but thankfully, we did practice a bit just now in the surau. so that sort of makes it okay for me to be in here kejap? heh.

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so here goes my chronology of thoughts for the moment:

i've lost my interest in facebook quite a long time ago. like any other lagho things, you will always reach a limit in doing 'fun' things. it's just nature. why we managed to stay long enough in the lagho things? credits goes to Mr Syaiton and Mr Nafsu. we like wasting time + mr Syaiton help us waste time, and voila~ we ended up not doing things for Allah = lagho. but nevertheless, being bored of it doesn't mean i ended up deactivating it or deleting my whole account. but instead im trying to use it with more purposes? as in, intentionally going in there for certain things. as much as stalking has become a normal thing to do nowadays for anyone who has a facebook account, im trying to restrain myself from stalking others and knowing too much about them through fb. because lets just face it, facebook is making our lives cheaper and cheaper. when mr nobody knows everything about you and vice versa. (ahh.. feels sad now.haih).

so all i did normally (and still trying), would be to check out my notifications, my own page, my little niece Boolat, stalking my own baby sister (heh) and reading the news feed. and occasionally i would end up into someone else's page through anything interesting (posts) that they posted. alright, where am i going here?

oh right. facebook's positive side. so i realized with some restraining here and there (note: stalking) as well as deleting the unnecessary people on the news feed; you will end up getting quite a lot of information; useful ones that is. seriously. great articles, cool videos, heartbreaking status updates, hadiths, verses of Quran, you name it. so it's not that bad after all. 

okay, where am i going again? (it's a mind rant. so it IS ranting while im typing.ngehee~)

so this is what i noticed through the news feed lately. whilst guys are busy talking about kahwin bla and bla; i see a different pattern with the girls. we are just... sad. i don't know what's happening lately. but seems like every girl in my circle is sad. despite the happy faces, the jokes, we are all deeply bruised inside. some felt betrayed. some felt she had been wronged. some felt insecure. some felt sinful. some felt patronized. some felt judged. some felt so lonely. and the list goes on. and i'm definitely in those listed. sinful, insecure, judged, patronized, wronged, lonely; felt it all. bummer huh?

upon realizing those depressing moments, they always lead me to these questions: what is Allah trying to teach me? what is it that Allah is testing me right now? which sifat is Allah trying to cleanse me from? those questions would usually be circulating in the head. the blame is not on others around us, it's always back to us. because Allah chose us to face it. but the thing is, those questions can never really be answered straight away. 

and as much as we wished that we are home, within the confinement of our parents, we realized that it's just not possible. and even if it is, our parents won't solve everything in our heart. they will just be a way for us to not face those dilemmas or heartaches that we are facing. because the one that can resolve those sadness within us is the one who gave it to us in the first place; Allah S.W.T.

and i guess. those feelings; sedih, sayu, frustrated, lonely; they will keep on being there. and unless we ask Him to take them all away, and give us that happiness, no one else will. and the fact is, no one else can. 

ya Allah. only You can give me happiness. so Guide me in my every action, every minute and every second of the day; until You feel that im worthy enough to be given that happiness. insyaAllah.

but in the end, the real happiness is just knowing that i have You every step of the way. so please do. :')

life is a test. of choosing between doing something that makes you closer to Him or not. theoretically, it's rather simple. but the world and syaiton makes it ever so hard. and we often forget. but that's our nature, our fitrah. and those struggles of trying to be better is what makes us different from one another in His Eyes. because now thinking of it deeply, wishing for goodness and doing goodness, are sadly, two very different things. and what's worse, i think i fell into the category of one who wishes for it more often that really doing it. no wonder Allah jawab siap-siap in His verse:

"Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan mengatakan: 

Kami telah beriman, sedang mereka belum diuji?" 

(QS Al-Ankabut:2-3)

 so let us be there for one another, in this race of doing good. Fastabiqul Khairat. ;)

Dan bagi tiap-tiap umat ada arah (kiblat) yang masing-masing menujunya; oleh itu berlumba-lumbalah kamu mengerjakan kebaikan; kerana di mana sahaja kamu berada maka Allah tetap akan membawa kamu semua (berhimpun pada hari kiamat untuk menerima balasan); sesungguhnya Allah Maha Kuasa atas tiap-tiap sesuatu. 

[2:148]

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yours truly;

i think im taking Hereafter too lightly. 

astaghfirullah :(

Register, Race and be the Runners.

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you know that typical idea of wanting to settle down. leading a new life? that thought has always been at the back of our minds (for girls, they cant lie. it's one of the most favourite topics).  maybe it's the age factor. but i think it's mostly fitrah. it's just that some just choose to not talk about it, some choose to talk about it with close friends, some choose to give hints to others, some choose not to care. 

but in my case, the surroundings and the constant facebook status and articles are really getting on my nerves. not to mention all the pretty young ladies in whites, and video wedding yang berleluasa. (ok yan control yourself!) huhuu~~ has it affect me in a bad way? not so much. (or maybe a teeny bit? ok, fine much) it makes me write this post for sure. and some mengadu domba kat parents. heh. 

kahwin awal? hantaran? pelamin? all sorts of articles and status have been circulating around those within our age groups. alhamdulillah. in a way, it goes to show that many have embraced the idea that marriage is really the best given outlet for those who choose to not enter any relationships. as well as for those who are already in relationships, and wanting to keep it right on Allah's track.

but rather than talking about it hypothetically, and spreading all sorts of suggestions about kahwin awal, hantaran murah, kahwin cara islam what not, i think the winners in the end are those who actually put all those words into actions. those guys who actually drop on one knee, and ask for the girl's hand make the call to the Dad. fuh~

"ni pasal kahwin kot. ingat senang-senang ke nak call ayah orang?"

true. memang tak senang.

selagi kita berfikiran payah.

i dont know if this analogy of mine is lame ke ape ke, but here goes. it's like a race. the ones we have back in Hari Sukan Sekolah. there will always be a start line, and a finish line. along the way you will be running, but towards the end you will be speeding up, till you reach the finish line. faham tak? ok let me explain. 

the trophy is of course the Miss Other Half that insyaAllah will perfect your flaws in their own ways. the finishing line is the marriage. but the race is all about preparation for that marriage, in simpler words, bertunang. wallahua'lam. but i've heard of what my brothers (abe and abe ammar) did. they never really knew if they were ready for the marriage, but once they decided to do it and took the first step; which is to ask for the girl's hand from the Dad, then everything falls into place. 

what kinds of things fall into place? hm, somehow their work becomes clearer, the saving-money part becomes clearer, the niat becomes clearer, the solat sunat becomes clearer, the doa becomes clearer. why? because they are already in that race. and the only thing in their mind is to finish that race. they won't stop at nothing. they may grew tired and ended up jogging or even walking, or they may even fall down. but still, they won't stop. and eventually the finishing line will come closer, and at that time the adrenaline rush will be there to push them further, that you will end up speeding up in the last few metres. and once you reach that line, insyaAllah nothing else matters. you will definitely get that well-deserved trophies trophy. (hehe)

the thing is, the runners have studied so much about the race, that they knew everything. from how the race is going to be up till what kinds of trophy that they want. but they haven't even done the most essential step yet, which is registering for the race. straight-forward sikit = calling up the Wali lah. because when you are registering, i'm sure you will be able to negotiate which race you want to be in, the 1000m, the 400m, the 200m and even the 100m if you're fit and totally up to it. 

what i mean here is, once you pop the question to the Dad, insyaAllah, you'll be able to handle things from there. it might take you a few months, or even a few years to reach that finishing line (paling lama is 2 tahun). because at that point, what matters most is you are ready enough that you have registered for it, and it's time to start running.

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and yet, i've seen and read so many status, so many articles pasal perempuan muslimah, so many stuff that it seems like many of these 'runners' will end up getting married by the end of the month. and yet, months passed, and the facebook status changes every so often of the same topic, but the relationship status remains; Encik Runner is still single. hee.

and here is my little point of view for those respected brothers out there; who i'm sure is trying very hard to be the best imam for the family that you are planning for; 

pray to Him. ask Him to prepare you. ask Him to lift all the things that you are scared of. ask Him to lift off all the negative thoughts that are holding you back, from doing what is right.

because the truth is, there are so many girls out there who needs protection from you guys. and the world is not getting any easier for them to protect themselves. they became fitnah everywhere they go. alhamdulillah, Europe has not been much of a challenge for us to protect ourselves from the evil hearts (maybe because there are a whole bunch of hot Caucasians to obscure us from perverts? hehe. lame joke.) but in Malaysia? not so much. every girl is a fitnah to anyone who sees them. and to those respected guys out there, why not give them this bubble of protection earlier on. because to me, a guy should marry because he wants to protect someone. and yet, you are always holding yourself back because you are worried of the 'provider' part. but have you forgotten, that the providing part is always Allah's. the only thing you need to do is putting the effort. 

so at least start with one right niat, to protect them Hawa. im pretty sure Allah will help with the rest of the stuff that you worry. so Register, Race, and be the Runners. you will always end up as a Winner in the Trophy's eye. and most definitely in His Eyes. :)

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,

cakap sedap.buat tak. heheh >,<
girls lain. next time kite cite. *wink*

another day's Thought

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today i lazily hang out at the surau before heading back home. (classes ends early today, alhamdulillah. not a hectic week as the last one).

there were not many of us there. just me and pika. and some arab girls. once in a while, when our eyes meet we'd give each other smiles. heh. (i'm bad at being international). then a girl came. i dont quite know where her native country is, but i'm pretty sure she's Arab. she had a slightly dark skin, with a smile always pasted on her face. she has not worn her hijab yet, but insyaAllah im pretty sure one day she will.

i've noticed her before. and today, i stole some glances towards her again when she was praying. because she prayed in a very peculiar way. suffice to say, that it's waaay different than how we have been taught in our Mazhab Syafi'e. 

i was wondering if she was to pray like that in malaysia, how would the makcik-makcik around think? will there be weird glances, some whispering here and there, annoyance? wallahua'lam. (ouh, tak husnuzon sungguh). sorry, im just saying. because like i told you, i've seen her before. and her way of praying has grabbed my attention. that was the reason i somewhat watch her pray again today. as embarrassing i am to admit this,but my first thought when i saw her praying the first time was, "hm. solat macam tu ok ke eh?"

but today, i have come to a conclusion. for no matter how different the way she's praying, she's still praying to that One God, that you and i are submitting to. the same sujud, the same ruku', the same tahiyyat. those small differences that we are making, are not ours to judge. for the fact of the matter is, she was still praying. and for all that we know, maybe hers was way better spiritually; maybe her prayers to Allah at that time, causes His Mercy to fall on all others around her. the possibilities are always there. 

point is, there are a whole bunch of things that we don't know of. not to say that it's okay to remain negligent of the things around us. but be sure to differentiate which of them that we should know about, and which of them that we need to leave behind; because they are just His to Know of. 

wallahua'lam. :)

ps: ok mau study hard pulak. pray for me? jazakumullah~ ^,~

Cinta: Ingat-ingat Lupa

today i prayed for that Cinta. cinta kepada Rasulullah S.A.W. banyak yang saya lupa. too busy searching for His Blessings and His Attention, that i have forgotten that without Rasulullah, we won't get to know our Creator. without this one special human being, we won't get to know of His Rahmat. he who remembers his ummat. every single one of us. 

and yet, if i was asked about him,

barulah kalut nak bukak buku refer balik.

benda-benda yang saya ingat-ingat lupa.

about his life.

his struggles.

his hardships.

his compassion.

and his love.

watching this video below, it's obvious that what you give is what you're going to get. 

and i am seriously not giving enough. so how can i expect to get what i want? 

to meet him when he calls for his followers di padang Mahsyar.

let us aim to be one of them. 

ameen. 

mind rant 2#

salam. it's another edition of those mind rant. sorry, a fellow reader gave a positive comment to the last one, so that somehow boost my spirit. alhamdulillah, it seems like my ranting was not that pointless after all. but if they do get pointless, remind me to stop will you? jazakumullah :)

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only a day left till the new term starts, and Allah Knows how unprepared my heart and mind is. there is this small knot deep deep inside my tummy. worried of all the possibilities for this final half of medicine i'm about to embark in. and the fact that the results for last term's awfully-difficult exams are not out yet, only tightens that knot. ugh. but alhamdulillah, maybe Allah is still giving us a chance to continue making du'a for those papers. please dont fail us, please dont fail us, make things easier for our studies ya Allah, we really want to be doctors T,T. ameen ya Rabb.

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made some hard decisions lately, as well as doing some crazy stuff that i have never ever imagined my whole life. somehow, i trust that it has been planned by Him all along, that things ended up this way. some part of me is excited. no, im not putting hopes that all will turn out positive, but the mere thought that Allah Guides this and made me do this and that, somehow feels right; that in a weird way, i dont actually really mind whatever the outcome might be. because it felt like Allah deliberately controls every actions and thoughts of mine. you just feel perfectly safe. best ouh~ :) 

it reminded me of a hadith,

Sabda Rasulullah saw dalam sebuah hadist qudsi Allah berfirman:

“Hambaku senantiasa mendekatkan diri kepadaKu dgn ibadah sunnah, nescaya Aku mencintainya.  Jika Aku sudah mencintainya maka Aku menjadi pendengarannya dengannya dia mendengar, Aku menjadi penglihatannya dengannya dia melihat, Aku menjadi tangannya dengannya dia bertindak, Aku menjadi kakinya dengannya dia berjalan. Jika dia memohon kepadaKu maka Aku benar-benar akan memberinya dan Jika dia meminta perlindungan kepadaKu maka Aku benar-benar akan melindunginya“

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not to say that i feel like i am the best of hamba right now, so Allah Loves me (though it doesn't hurt to wish for it *cough cough*); but it did remind me of this. gaaah~~ i pray that in this lifetime of mine, there will be a time (many many many times pun tape, all the time pun lagi bagus!) , when He really does love me that much. huu~ because if He Loves us then we would certainly enter Jannah! and we can actually meet Him! *dreamy land* insyaAllah. let us all make that our vision! woot2~

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just now, approximately 4 hours ago, i went to Clonskeagh Mosque near my house, upon being invited by my usrah-mate, Jasmin. so me and Pika head down to the mosque, with the freezing cold wind caressing our face (more like slapping), for the halaqah (a gathering meant to spread reminders?). it was one of those Arab's halaqah, and yes, we were the few Malays there. 

it was exciting really, to see a culture totally different than ours. Jasmin is used to it though, since she's so involved with the cool islamic societies in college. (she's awesomely involved with the Arab's brothers and sisters; i can only drool over her awesomeness most of the time, being the hampeh usrah-mate). anyways, within those 1 hour,  i learnt so much, alhamdulillah. from the talks as well as from my observations.

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the halaqah was mainly their way of trying to gather muslims' (they were all teenagers mainly) in a weekly meeting; just discussing religious things; be it books, sharing stories of the sahaabah, some experiences in dakwah, some hot issues of the day (just now it was about gays) etc. it was more or less similar to our weekly usrah (by the Malay students here), except that halaqah is in a bigger group. 

anyways, the first awesome thing i noted then, was the fact that they were so young! the seats at the front were filled with kids aged 12-15 im guessing. and i've learnt way long ago to accept the fact that if you see Arab guys who looked like they're 25-27, they are actually 17. yes, most of them are all younger than us. i felt thankful in a way, that we have these young brothers and sisters that already cared about Deen at an early age, despite their appearances. (oh my yan, how can you be so shallow? judging people based on their looks. shame on you!). some looked like rock stars, some looked like they are bullies, some seems like they have just finished soccer practice, some looked like those hip-hop kids; but the fact remains that they are all in that room, attending that halaqah on their own accord, wanting to discuss about our Deen. ahh, sejuk hati ibu mengandung. how looks can really deceive us, huh!

then my thoughts flew back home to Malaysia. if we see boys with hip-hop clothes, im guessing they will 95% do only hip-hop, and won't go to these kinds of gatherings. (sorry if i'm being too su'uzon here, *cough cough*). okay let's take another example. 12 year old malaysian kids back home; if we were to grab a handful of them and interviewed them, all they care about would mostly be football and that's about it. this got me thinking, that again, our society needs to start the change. i guess those Arab kids, they were raised in an environment that taught them the importance of seeking ilmu about our Deen. they need to understand their Deen, and just accepting what their parents told them to do; solat 5 waktu, puasa Bulan Ramadhan, pakai hijab; is not enough. they have to understand why they are doing it. thus, i think this is the driving factor of why those young cute harry-potter look-a-likes Arab kids were there in the halaqah.

but our kids? at 12, all we know is we have to do it, if not, then our parents will be angry. that's about it. that's the reason why at 18, they have no regards what so ever with Allah's Rules. menagih dadah, minum arak, berzina. because none of them knew why those rules exist in the first place, why they have to abide to it, what are the consequences that they have to face here in Dunya as well as in Akhirah, etc. they don't understand Deen, that way of life, Guided by Allah. they knew nothing. we learnt nothing of essence during our childhood days, betul tak?

haih. so many things in mind right now. but i hope you guys get what i'm saying, right? i guess there is only so much that we can do, to fix the deteriorating society that we're living in. not to say that we have to leave them all behind, because it's never too late. but i think it's also the time for us to understand that we are the ones that can create the new society. spread the fikrah (understanding) around. to our family, friends, colleagues, your next door neighbour, that guy standing next to you in the bus. start now, with ourselves. and then when we find the right partner, who understand things like we do, and then insyaAllah we will then know better the Do's and Don'ts of raising the next generation. implement the importance of knowing AND understanding what Deen is. don't repeat the same mistakes of the earlier generations. 

a great analogy that i've heard of is; dont give them the fish, but teach them how to fish. so don't go telling our kids this and that, what to do and what not to do in Deen;  instead teach them why they need to understand their Deen, and the importance of finding guidance in understanding their Deen. itu yang penting kan? (selain dari kerjasama)

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i have a few more awesome points i wished to rant about in here, but since it is me ranting, i'm afraid that it might be too long. so insyaAllah till the next post. toodles and salam ;)

yours truly,

praying these words benefit. Ameen :)

We, The Weird Humans

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i came across a picture in MukaBuku. showing 2 malaysian artists. somewhat i think it's a poster to perhaps a new movie or drama. it was a typical pose really (which also leads me to think of how distorted our minds have become, that we begin to accept this as a norm). they were standing reeally close, and the woman as always, wore revealing clothes.

so what captured my attention was not the picture, but rather the status from that hamba Allah. i dont really remember the exact words, but more or less she questioned. when those kinds of pictures, or any obvious hukum-hukum Allah yang dilanggar are circulating around, nobody really actually bothers to give their say in it. but things like that Majlis Sambutan Tahun Baru that became a hit, so many different people condemns it. this and that is wrong, whereas we do know that most of the things they did didn't go overboard. *defensive much?heheh*

my point here is, it's a typical Syaitoonirrajim's way of diverting us from that rightful path. when we stay silent for obvious sinful things done, but for things that are not, somehow we create commotions, scrutinizing the smallest of details, that are perfectly okay in the first place.

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and personally, this is what i learned today. Allah somehow had chosen me to do certain things that are seriously testing my sanity and my faith. (okay, over sikit part sanity tu). so many feelings got involved; anxiety, stressed, confused, excited, worried, you name it.

i was worried of the things that i should do. but Abah's question was easy, am i committing a sin? i said No. then why are you worried? if it's a sin, then go ahead, be worried. if it's not, then all is well. the main point is that i'm still abiding to all His Rules.

that somehow taught me something. i reflected back to how i used to be many years back, when i did things that led me to sins. astaghifirullah. but i don't remember any feelings of being worried at that time. well, yes, maybe to a certain extent it was because i was oblivious to a lot of ilmu.

but somehow i believe that this is how the majority of us humans have turned into. the Weird Humans. when the thing is right, so many thoughts come to mind. of this and that. those was-was feeling whispered by those syaitoonirrojim. yet, when the thing is wrong, eventhough deep down we know it's wrong, those whispers don't come by. most of the time, it's those get-it-over-and-done-with attitude is what we humans opt for.

for example, when you're about to wear a dress that is slightly sexy, you'd thought, okay la. sekali ni je. it's not revealing pun. and that's it. but if we were about to wear something that covers the aurat, that is actually  appropriate, all sorts of thoughts came to mind. nanti nampak baik sangat ke? ke orang cakap tak ikhlas? drastik sangat ke perubahan aku ni? bla bla and bla. 

so i guess sometimes, when we're making decisions; it's easier to make things simple. answer some simple questions. does it abides to Allah's rules or not? is it sinful or not? and when those creepy whispers comes to mind, say Astaghfirullahala'zim instead. because yours truly, the Red Devils army, are doing their best to stop us from doing what is right.

we, are Weird Humans.

yang Haram selalu dipermudahkan.

yang Halal selalu disusahkan.

of course, these things are easier said than done. but it doesn't hurt to remind one another once in a while. :)
susah nak dapat syurga ni kan? haih~~

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
effort-made. 

mind rant #1

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i wish to not rant much about my life in here; because i dont think it benefits much. but here comes one. and mind you, this will be a very random rant. sigh~ sorry. it has become a therapy for me lately. to do some blogging. because it gets this brain of mine going. perhaps leaving some of that congested feeling behind. 

im back from my holiday. went to Belgium for 5 days. had one aim there, to pray as much as i can. musafir kan doa dia special sikit. so i hoped for it, and prayed much for it. ranging from anything to almost everything. a bit thankful that we had a longer night-time now that it is still winter. which means that we have to head back to the hotel a little bit early. and usually when you're back, you're drained out. walaupun takde lah jalan jauh sangat. so that leaves the hotel room all quite and perfect for that 'slow-talk' with Him.

and after those days, here i am again. back in my room in Dublin. nothing has changed much. same old, same old. checked some facebook news. seems like a lot has happened. ps: Anwar Ibrahim's story was on the Belgium's news by the way. checked my emails.  which leaves this heart of mine all empty again. i don't know why, but lately, it seems harder for me to define what happiness is all about. i smiled, but my insides are not. i laughed, but my heart is tired. 

getting old? maybe. homesick? very much. in need of Him? more than ever. 

checked kakak's blog. rindu Boolat who's growing too fast. beautifully i may add. *wink* called Abah+Mama. will call again tomorrow. and will text Abe later. amazing isn't it, how Allah makes them all comforting to us? and those close friends, who are far away, you rarely talk to them, let alone see them. but they are the ones who comforts you the most. i find it amazing, when Allah put the love at all the right places.

and then i read some articles from the mind-opener blogs from the right corner. and i think since i'm in those age,  any Chenta posts would grab my attention first. *cough cough* yes, typical typical. 

Apakah Terlarang Bercinta Sebelum Berkahwin? click.

nah. tajuk tak boleh best lagi ke? i find it very comforting though. in my life, i call this term of 'bercinta sebelum berkahwin' as crushes. when you like someone, and you pray so much that he will propose to you or something. that's how i define it. but sometimes, even crushes can be dangerous. when you sometimes wish for it too much, and forgetting the concept of takdir Allah. so i think it should be done moderately. pray for them as you wish, because He Hears you, but at the same time, leave it to Him to decide what's (or in this case who is) best for you. meaning that if your crush is not the One, then pray that He closes that heart of yours. yelah, over-crushing can get you crushed. so let Him Protect that heart of yours. 

but talking to Abah + Mama about crushes somehow ended up differently. they will ask for names, asal mana, universiti mana yadda-yadda. when i ask why, they say: "ibubapa bertanggung jawab untuk mencari pasangan untuk anak perempuan." haha. very funny. but i know all they did was making me feel better :) *i love them with all my heart.* 

anyways... reading the post, im guessing that bercinta sebelum kahwin is also those period of 'bertunang'. when you're trying to get to know someone. but since im nowhere near that category, let us all angguk-angguk faham with all the facts given, alright? ookay.

tengok. bab cinta sikit terus merapu panjang. anyways, a friend of mine is getting married soon alhamdulillah. (sebenarnya ada a few lagi.aaaaa~~~) she told me so much about the trials in pertunangan. but she went through it fairly well, alhamdulillah. only a month left, and all that trials will pass insyaAllah. agh. jealous the zealous by the way *i dont know if this word exist*. but here are my reasons of being jealous. i think this post pretty much sums up what i feel. huhu~~ click here. kudos to the one who wrote it. couldn't have explained it any better.

hmm, what else. oh, less than a week left before the new term starts. scary! and this time, all those malaysian classmates of mine won't be there. only the 12 of us will be left behind in my batch. the so called full-course student. we have different classes next term. soon in March, those who are doing twinning programmes will all head back home for PMC; im dreading those days. but it will definitely be something new too. when it's not all about going to classes and lecture notes. it's the 2nd half of medicine, when you're exposed to new things. aghh this will definitely be scary. may Allah ease this. did i mention that i really, realllllyy like, totally realllyy want to be a doctor?huhu~

that's about it. praying that Allah grant my prayers. and the special prayers *cough cough*. and i hope He Grants yours too :) salam peeps. 

ps: jangan lupa baca Quran! everyday okay? kalau tak sila slap your own face. :P

pps: another therapy of mine. blogging, and looking up for random beautiful pictures :)

sometimes, 

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but,

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so, all is actually well. 

stop and say:

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wallahua'lam.