pagi raya itu

amar ma'ruf nahi munkar. often heard, but always misunderstood for it's true meaning. i think many out there still think of it as saying, kita kena buat baik, tak boleh buat jahat. but truth is, it means menyuruh membuat kebaikan, dan melarang membuat kejahatan.  which is a responsibility of all of those who called themselves Muslim, but often neglected.

pagi raya. the khutbah raya this year was slightly longer than normal; so i can't really blame those who were sleepy. dulu, i often thought that many don't know the necessity of doing amar ma'ruf nahi munkar, because they were not told so. that's why they really don't know. or when they were told so, it wasn't explained properly. hence, the neglection. but i was amazed with how the khutbah went. after mentioning about all the wrong things in the society nowadays, he lead back to the key solution to it all: amar ma'ruf nahi munkar. and he was even giving some dalil from the al-Quran. and so, i thought back about the times when i dont even know about the need of dakwah (amar ma'ruf nahi munkar). perhaps i was like this. it was not the lack of reminders around us, but it's our own blind heart.

because that day, the whole time the ustaz was delivering the khutbah, i was also watching the crowd around me:

dalam banyak-banyak jemaah (wanita sahaja)
berapa kerat yang tak tertidur?

dalam banyak-banyak yang tak tertidur,
berapa kerat yang tak berbual?

dalam banyak-banyak yang tak berbual,
berapa kerat yang tengah dengar khutbah?

dalam banyak-banyak yang dengar khutbah,
berapa kerat yang cuba memahami?

dalam banyak-banyak yang cuba memahami,
berapa kerat yang cuba mengamalkan?

the answer: tak banyak.

obvious isn't it? nobody can be blamed but us. we are the ones who are not doing it. we are the ones who don't know we need to do it. we are the ones who don't seek the knowledge. because we just don't listen.

amar ma'ruf nahi munkar. it can be something very small to something huge. you can join the flotilla heading towards Gaza, or you can tell the kids to put the litter in the bins. both are still amar ma'ruf nahi munkar. perhaps one is definitely greater than the other. but what matters most is istiqamah. continuously doing it. because out there, there are so many people who wants and needs reminders of Allah. just like us.

despite how bad i am as His hamba, i just do what i can in this path. no matter how small it is. because it's an honorable responsibility.  

“Dan orang-orang yang beriman, lelaki dan perempuan, setengahnya menjadi penolong bagi setengahnya yang lain; mereka menyuruh berbuat kebaikan dan melarang daripada berbuat kejahatan dan mereka mendirikan sembahyang dan memberi zakat, serta taat kepada Allah dan RasulNya. Mereka itu akan diberi rahmat oleh Allah; sesungguhnya Allah Maha Kuasa, lagi Maha Bijaksana.” 
[at-Taubah: 71]


yang banyak kekurangan,


esok raye

the sound of mercun booming started right when we were breaking our last fast this year. they were coming from the neighbourhood and some were from far away too. macam ala-ala azan gitu. continuously booming. wonder jugak, bila la diorang sembahyang maghrib ni? tak bukak puasa ke? hm. kanak-kanak kecil mungkin.

i finished early and i went to perform my maghrib prayer, so that i can come back to the kitchen later and clean things up while shooing everybody else. by the time i finished, the booming of mercun was louder than ever. which leads me to think: they must have been very happy now that syawal is here. syok sakan main mercun. time azan isyak je berhenti kejap.
should we really be this happy 
that the holy month has left us?

should we really be this happy
 now that mr Devil has reported back for duty?

should we really be this happy 
that we have to face a staggering 11 months of cubaan dan dugaan,
while having to wonder if we can really ever make it to the next Ramadhan?

my answer is definitely no. we can never be too happy. not happy doesn't mean you can't smile or have some fun, doesn't mean you can't wear that new baju kurung, doesn't mean you cant indulge yourself with the biskut raya and lavish food. you can do all that, but moderately i guess. because if we question ourselves with the above, i think nobody can really truly enjoy the day.

tapi, Allah made it a special day for us. a celebration for those who were able to go back to their fitrah yang suci dan bersih. (note: last raya's post) another question though: did we managed to do so? wallahua'lam. lets just hope and pray that we all did. insyaAllah.

and Idul Fitri will remain as a day filled with blessings. too many sunnah you're able to do starting from your morning shower, wearing nice clothes, heading for the masjid for the Idul Fitri prayer, listening to the tazkirah, visiting your family and relatives, welcoming people to your house, bermaaf-maafan. phew.. countless chances of doing good deeds one could have ever imagined in just a day. so people, insyaAllah we have all made the best out of the holy month, so lets make the best out of tomorrow too; all to seek His Redha.

salam Idul Fitri semua.
mohon maaf di atas semua salah silap.
praying that you, me and all Muslims around the world are all under His Blessings.
ameen ;)

Daripada Umamah r.a. bahawasanya Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. telah bersabda:
"barang siapa mengerjakan amal ibadah pada malam Hari Raya Aidilfitri dengan mengharapkan keredaan Allah semata-mata hatinya tidak akan mati pada hari kiamat sebagaimana matinya hati orang-orang yang kafir."

goodbye Ramadhan paling cepat in my life. :')


malam oh malam

picture by: s3vendays

10 malam terakhir Ramadhan,
tatkala orang sedang berlumba-lumba,
tak tidur malam,
and you're on 'holiday'.

sometimes you feel lost,
when people are blogging off about how they spent the nights,
while you can do only so much.


what is wrong is not the 'holiday' you're in,
and not the things that you can't do,
but how you see things that you can do.

speaking of Lailatul Qadr,
i read here and there friends wishing that they had gained it.
that on the night that it has happened,
they gained what they worked for,
solat diterima, doa diterima, sujud itu diterima.


solat tak boleh.
al-Quran pun tak boleh disentuh.
tak biasa pula duduk berzikir lama-lama aside from the usual wirid and ma'thurat.
not to mention, kena ready berjaga malam in case baby bangun cuz im helping kakak out.
so how?

what is wrong is not the things that you can't do,
but how you see the things that you can do.

mendengar pencerahan ustaz dalam Tanyalah Ustaz the other day.
*i forgot his name*
he said:

"Lailatul Qadr bermula dari waktu Maghrib hinggalah Subuh keesokan harinya."

and he added that anything good that we do in that duration of time, Allah rewards them in ways that we cant imagine. and i think, if we do it for Allah solely, hoping for His Redha, anything that we do is okay. maybe, we have grown accustomed to thinking that it all goes down to how our Qiyam goes and how we recite the al-Quran during that 1/3 of the night that we tend to think that, if kita tertidur instead, we'd go: "ya Allah, aku tak dapat apa-apa!"

the ustaz said, that anything we do, be it Qiyam or reciting the al-quran, or helping clean the kitchen, or ironing your children's clothes,or pasang langsir (ustaz specifically mentioned this, haha); as long as it is in that duration, if it's The Night, then Allah accept it just the way it is. with one condition, that we do the things hoping for his Blessings.

so i felt at ease. the other night, it's the 23rd of Ramadhan. and i got a feeling of wanting to do a little bit more that night. so i did what i can. read the ma'thurat and some dua', and watch some videos of hadiths to keep me awake; one of it was my favourite (be sure to google it, Ibnu Qayyim-A meeting with Allah), while letting the sound of the rain outside accompany me. and just as i was done and starting to get sleepy again, the baby started to cry and fidget. quickly, i heated her bottle so not to wake the already tired mother beside, and fed Airaa.

as Airaa was drinking her milk engrossingly (meaning to say rakus, she always seems verryy hungry. in  a cute way though), my thoughts went back to what the ustaz said. even what im doing at that moment, if i had done it for Allah's sake, which is to take care of this little baby like i should, then Allah will Love it too. because for that particular time, of course im not able to perform any solat tasbih or solat tahajjud, and yet, i felt fulfilled. i was helping airaa burp, putting her in all sorts of position, massaging her back a little, and i cant help but smile, if this is The Night (which we will never know because it's His Secret to begin with), then i just hoped that me helping airaa burp will count for His Blessings too. :)

because i truly believe that whatever i did this month, so long as it's not wrong and it's to seek His Redha, then whatever i do is fine.

and we all already know that, anything we do in life is an ibadah, so long as our intention (niat) is there.

so why let the usual misconception takes place? 

there're still more nights left.
jom kejar setiap itu. 


ps: post panjang lagi. maaf. niat nak pendek pun selalu tak jadi. jenis mulut banyak mungkin? hadoi..

yours truly,
yang masih ragu-ragu tentang sesuatu. *sigh*


a girl, a pakcik, and another pakcik.

2 different stories. that will come together in the end. insyaAllah.

it's the month of Ramadhan, and the number of visits from those who are less fortunate increases, especially on Fridays. many years back, when the girl was a little smaller, she used to be a tiny bit skeptic about who comes. because there are days when a girl came, bringing a piece of official paper with her, claiming to be called 'Aisyah', an orphan such and such. "nak zakat." but the girl gets confused, for Aisyah came everyday, but all with different faces. so she told Dad, "i think they are lying." *muka geram-geram sikit* but then, Dad told her, "bila orang mintak sedekah, tu peluang Allah bagi kat kita nak beramal, bagi je. tipu atau tak, tu urusan dia dengan Allah." since then she puts the nasihat at heart.


Pakcik Berisi.

it's another Ramadhan. people come and go as usual. and the girl is still thankful for the chances. but one day, 4 people came. 2 older women, and 2 pakcik. the girl's mom greeted the guests, and as asked by Mom, the girl went upstairs to grab some extra clothes that they had. when she was giving away the bags, she acknowledged the men and women before her. the 2 elder women was fragile and skinny. whilst the older pakcik, seemed a little bit unwell, and the girl realized that he was blind, for one of the women kept hold of his hand while they were leaving. but the girl cant help but notice the younger pakcik. he seemed a bit out of place in that crowd, for he was well built, a bit berisi, wearing normal clothes, maybe in his mid 30s. and yet, one of the women kept asking to give some to him for the girl only passed the bags to the women. but the younger pakcik seemed a bit embarrassed to be there, for he was looking away all the time.  and the girl was a little bit upset, because when they were leaving, the younger pakcik didn't even help the women to carry their load, but just walked together along with them. then why was he with them?

the girl can only conclude that he must've had his desperate reasons .


Pakcik Kurus.

a week earlier, the girl was tagging along with her parents again. and Dad stopped  the car by the side of the road to go to the bank. Mom was reading a magazine, whilst the girl was watching the crowd outside. when one man caught her attention. he was small, very skinny, maybe around his 40s, wearing very worn-looking clothes, smudges of dirt here and there. and what caught the girl's attention most, was that the man was not wearing any shoes! and mind you, it was a very hot afternoon of Ramadhan. the man was crossing the road, and he was walking along the parked cars, and he was turning back again; doing this over and over. and then he went to sit at a table in a mamak's stall which was not yet opened but filled with busy workers already; perhaps preparing for breaking-fast. the man sat there for a while, hiding from the heat of the afternoon Sun. the girl watched and watched, contemplating if the man is unwell or not. she asked Mom to confirm it, Mom was confused too. after a looong while, she made up her mind. the man is well. she was ready to go out now that Dad was in the car, asking for Dad's permission, as Dad tthought that he's safe enough. and when the man was near enough the car, the girl went out of the car and approached the pakcik, "assalamualaikum pakcik." and handed him some money, but to the girl's surprise, he shaked his head. the girl was panicking, has she hurt someone's pride now? "pakcik, buat beli makanan petang ni je pakcik." "takpe dik." and he went away. devastated, the girl went back to the car. she had never faced those kind of situation. ever. macam putus cinta? huhu. and what amazes the girl more, as the car was about to leave (after quite some time) she saw the man was now busy in the mamak stall, helping some of the workers, carrying ice bags.

the girl can only conclude that perhaps the pakcik asked to do some work at the restaurant.


this is just a reflection of mine. i am not intending to think badly of a person, but some stories are worth to be reflected upon. for Pakcik Berisi, i guess he might have had his reasons, anak sakit, or tak mampu bekerja, that he ended up with the elder women and pakcik. but i cant help myself and think of this hadith:

Sabda Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam:
          Tidak halal sedekah bagi orang yang kaya, dan tidak bagi orang yang berkebolehan lagi normal (sihat dan kuat).
[HR al-Tirmizi]
because truthfully, sekali pandang, he was as normal as a man can be. physically well. and one cant help but wonder if he's doing this just because of bermalas-malasan. but, Nabi SAW also taught us in another hadith, that clearly tells us that we need not judge a person by just their zahir. because they may have their reasons:

Sabda Rasulullah sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam:
Setiap peminta (sedekah) mempunyai haknya, 
sekalipun dia datang dengan menunggang kuda.
[HR Abu Daud, Ahmad

and yet i cant help but think of one story and be reminded of the other. these are two  very different pakcik. in our eyes, one is definitely in worse condition than the other; but a complete twist of story for each pakcik. but in the end, only Allah Knows what their real stories are. and we should focus on doing our responsibilities instead, have we helped those in need? wallahua'lam.

yours truly,


syahru al-Quran

Ramadhan is syahru al-Quran. it's when everybody keeps reciting al-Quran over and over again. despite hoping that some day i'm able to khatam al-Quran more than once in the holy month, i never reached twice eversince i was 14. *hadoy*

usually, the drive to keep me going is only i want to finish reciting it before that azan raya. when i was in my lower form, i remembered struggling to finish up 3-4 juzu' in a day during the final days, because i was way behind. and as the years passed, i improvised my method by finishing anything that is left before ramadhan, starting anew as soon as possible to make sure i'm at least 5-6 juzu' ahead on the first of ramadhan. why? yes sisters you guessed it right, because we have those few days where we will definitely be left behind. and that is a total bummer in this race against time.

and this year, the worst has happened as i hadn't finished up my recital before the Holy Month, but only on the 3rd day. nevertheless, i found a new drive this year. instead of just wanting to finish the recital of the Quran, i want to do it with someone else this year. Che (grandma) always tells me that when i was a baby, she recited the whole Quran with me on her lap. (no, not in one go. but fast enough. probably just in a week). i was very grateful for that, because in my simple imagination, i always think that everytime one recites the al-Quran, it sorts of create a protective layer around you. i kept imagining there's this invisible bubble around you that will keep all things bad away. so i really really want a huge bubble constantly around me, the house, around abah & mama, around my family, around anyone who's with me.

so, this year's Holy Month, i am more determined to recite the Holy Quran with Airaa alongside. and to make me more pumped up, i found this series in youtube, Koran by Heart. (caution: you will cry watching this. manly or not.). and my tiny heart cant help itself but wants my baby niece to be one who recites the Quran by heart when she grows up. and insyaAllah all her cousins-to-be too. well, i can always wish and pray for it right? and im pretty sure Allah is Listening right now. :')

this is my share of story. im pretty sure everyone out there has their own way of how they are making this a month of Quran, with so many different targets and aims. but the aim is not what makes you any high and mighty above others, but it's the effort that counts. for all i know, a person who's aiming to hafaz al-Quran and another who aims on learning to recite the al-Quran, might be the same in His Eyes, depending on the effort made. so the bottom line is, let's try our best okayh people? ok.

selamat bertadarrus.

selamat bertadabbur.

selamat menghafaz.

Daripada Abu Umamah al-Bahili r.a., katanya dia mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda, 
"Bacalah al-Quran kerana dia akan datang memberikan syafaat kepada pembacanya pada hari kiamat nanti..."
[HR Muslim]

airaa's morning session with aunty chik :) 

airaa's small hands + she sleeps mostly open mouthed. hadoy...i tried closing it to no avail.hehe.. :)

ps: finding myself more drawn towards anything home-related. especially now with a baby in the house. at moments, i get confused. is this a comfort zone, and am i too comfortable in it? or is it just me drawn into a Hawa's fitrah. but the thought usually just passes by, and i ended up comfortable being just busy with what im doing now. wallahua'lam. may Allah guide me in the right path, no matter how different it may be from others.

yours truly,
a still-busy Aunty Chik. :)


here she is

i once felt like this last year. during kakak's wedding. when i went home alone, all the way from dublin to kelantan. the first time traveling home alone, with only kakak knowing about it (and mama which i only knew a little bit later). mainly to surprise everybody else. hehe. and i remembered i reached home at midnight. and i couldnt really sleep. and the next day was the veryyy hectic wedding. and i was up and awake. till the very next night. i was so perky. and i believe it was due to the overwhelming feeling im getting inside. and perhaps the rush of endorphin and adrenaline? heheh.

basically. im feeling it again. today. on my 2nd day of ramadhan.

i left home at about 9am. with everybody else. the day went by with so many things. basically kakak had been in labour. induced that is. i cant really go into details like how kakak underwent the whole day, but she's too busy to write anything as for now.hehe :)

so now im currently in kakak's room at the hospital. it was supposed to be a one night stay. but things has ended up differently so we may have to spend a few more nights here. hehe. but thankfully the internet is up and running. i feel like pouring everything in here! that's how excited i am!

basically i'll recap what happened simply (or not):

arrived at the hospital, 
kakak was induced, 
everybody ended up reciting the Quran, 
abah was a bit hesitant to go out and do some work but he just have to, 
i fell asleep on the couch, waking up sakit leher (huhu), 
and continue reciting Quran, 
kakak headed to the labour room, 
bagi semangat, and random rotations to stay with kakak takes place; 
only abe ammar, then only me, then only mama, then only abah, me and mama, abe ammar and me, mama and abe ammar, abah and abe ammar, me, and at one time everybody was in the labour room including lin. 
poor kakak, her contractions were getting stronger and stronger and she endured it for a good 8 hours. 
she was given painkillers during the final hours, and that seems to make her much better. 
i became the badut at times just to keep her mind off the pain. 
because at times she seems so helpless with it, and sometimes too scared of it too. 

but we all kept reminding her, that Allah has the power to make her not feel anything either. so the pain that she's facing is already the exact amount that Allah wants her to feel. Allah always Knows better kan?

but the 8 hours of only pain and no gain (hehe) leads to the doctor coming to us in the end at about midnight. saying that the baby's position is a bit off, thus she (yes, a she) cant really come out. huhu..poor baby **** (name is classified la dulu.hee. but it's very similar to kakak aifaa + abe ammar. and it means respectable) . anyways, so the doctor laid the only option for us which was undergoing surgery.

everybody's main aim was for kakak and baby's best option. so OT here we go! plus, kakak was already too weak cuz the 8 hours contractions had drained her.

since it was an emergency, the doctors didn't allow any of us to go into the OT, including abe ammar, (poor him) despite the original plan that everybody can be there if it's a normal labour (that explains the amount of us keluar masuk labour room) ps: it was soothing too, to see kakak's doctor reciting the quran first while waiting for the OT to be prepared.

so at 1a.m kakak went in. Ayah Di, Che Sa, and Che Ni (uncle aunt + friend) came by when kakak was pushed into the OT. abe ammar was so restless. everybody was. ps: did you know that when you're nerve-wrecked you can miraculously finished up 3 juzuk of al-Quran? i was reciting 'all-out' aiming nak khatam before the baby was born, and halfway through juz amar, just 15 minutes later, abe ammar who was standing restlessly outside of the OT said he heard the baby. and thus, my concentration falters.

i went back in the room, grabbed my camera and off we wait at the OT door. the rest is history.

comel sangat...T,T i was recording the whole time the baby was being cleaned by the nurses. and when abah and abe ammar tengah azan kat baby, it was too over-whelming. abah started of with salam and kalimah syahadah. felt amazed that this is one of the biggest rahmat by Allah, for a baby to be born as a muslim. the first thing she heard was salam from her mother, chains of takbir by the doctors in the OT (as kakak recalled her story) and the beautiful azan by her abah and abah tok. hee ;)

as of now, kakak is happily cradling her baby. all is well, i had loads of pictures and videos, but i dont think im able to post any of it now. for now she's all cute, and her voice is very perky. i kept laughing every time i hear her cry.

above all, thank you Allah. the One who always Gives the best to His hamba. may this event makes us even more close to you, and more thankful for the endless nikmat that You had Given us. till later. i have a niece i want to ogle at for the rest of the day. 

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

yours truly,
a very busy aunty chik. ;P


my first day

i've read somewhere that sometimes we tend to 'open up' too much to the world; like telling every single thing that happened to us to the world; which somehow lessen the sweetness of telling them to the rightful one, Allah S.W.T. but wallahua'lam, i'm hoping that i'm not exposing too much of my life stories just for others to have a peek in my life, insyaAllah, it's nowhere near my intention. but i just hope that these simple stories that i shared which i believe are faced by many others out there,will be seen just like how i see them. and most importantly the fact remains that im hoping that while doing so, im doing my part in amar makruf nahi munkar. insyaAllah. :) ok. justifying mode off.


i have a big news. but i'll keep it till the end.*wink*

it's been a very long day today. tiring i might add. i guess the few practices of fasting during syaaban didnt quite prepare me for today. ;).

but, some experiences stayed the same. like mama waking me up for qiam. and while you're pushing away the comforter you'd be amazed at yourself sometimes. the clock shows it's way early than your normal wake-up hour. but yet, everybody seems wide awake. the house is well-lit and everyone is at their own spot. mama is in her room. abah is downstairs in the living room. me and kakak (oh.kakak willl be home for the whole ramadhan. cuti bersalin has started!yeay!) shared the study room though. whilst abang ammar is in their room and lin is in our room. these are truly rahmat from Allah. for He is the one who really Woke us up kan? Alhamdulillah.

then it was the sahur. which would always have everybody looking at the watch every so often. and still ended up pretty much late cuz we all kept forgetting to take things that we need to. mainly vitamins and ubat and stuff. like abah and mama have their supplements. i have my share of medicine to take as someone who's  well-known for her immuno-deficiency. and then during the last minute, everybody suddenly would be gulping down a full glass of clear water to avoid unwanted dehydration during the day.

and today, when we were in the kitchen preparing for bukak puasa, i have the usual symptoms again. whenever i stand too long in the kitchen (and my 'long' is only 5 minutes), normally when im cutting something up, or kacau2 kuah atas stove, which requires me to stay still. my vision will get cloudier and and cloudier, and i'll feel very heavy-headed and i need to sit down asap. thankfully mama and everybody else know this too well by now. medically it's due to hypotension (low blood pressure) but i dont know why whenever i asked a doctor they said that im normal, despite all these symptoms. i normally have this, but it's worse when im fasting, and it happens everyday, during ramadhan. once, i did try to fight it off , i kept on standing  despite the blurred vision , and i ended up blacking out. ceh! nevertheless, i miss these moments. and going through them again, shows that it's another ramadhan for me, and i'm very much thankful. 

but the best part of my first day this year, the big news; is that insyaAllah, by this time tomorrow we will have another addition to the family this Ramadhan! it's weird in a way. me mama kakak and abe ammar went to the hospital for a normal check up. the due date will be in 2 weeks. but wallahua'lam, the doctor said that tomorrow will be it, insyaAllah.

kakak and me had been having 'conversations' with the baby, somewhat i have been selfishly asking the baby to come out faster so that i could spend more time with him/her. hehe. i was hoping it would be next week, and we didn't expect the doctor to say "tomorrow" at all. 

im thoroughly excited but scared at the same time. praying kakak will be strong tomorrow, that everybody will be strong tomorrow, and more than anything, praying that Allah is Watching over all the time. insyaAllah.

so basically i've been too excited to tell this, hoping that anyone who reads this will pray for my sister and her baby's safety insyaAllah. 

till then. i dont know when i'll be able to write next. hopefully soon!

ps: it's a truly great Ramadhan. alhamdulillah :')

yours truly,
soon to be Aunty-Chik!

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