malam oh malam

picture by: s3vendays

10 malam terakhir Ramadhan,
tatkala orang sedang berlumba-lumba,
tak tidur malam,
and you're on 'holiday'.

sometimes you feel lost,
when people are blogging off about how they spent the nights,
while you can do only so much.

tapi...

what is wrong is not the 'holiday' you're in,
and not the things that you can't do,
but how you see things that you can do.

speaking of Lailatul Qadr,
i read here and there friends wishing that they had gained it.
that on the night that it has happened,
they gained what they worked for,
solat diterima, doa diterima, sujud itu diterima.

*sigh*

solat tak boleh.
al-Quran pun tak boleh disentuh.
tak biasa pula duduk berzikir lama-lama aside from the usual wirid and ma'thurat.
not to mention, kena ready berjaga malam in case baby bangun cuz im helping kakak out.
so how?

again,
what is wrong is not the things that you can't do,
but how you see the things that you can do.

mendengar pencerahan ustaz dalam Tanyalah Ustaz the other day.
*i forgot his name*
he said:

"Lailatul Qadr bermula dari waktu Maghrib hinggalah Subuh keesokan harinya."

and he added that anything good that we do in that duration of time, Allah rewards them in ways that we cant imagine. and i think, if we do it for Allah solely, hoping for His Redha, anything that we do is okay. maybe, we have grown accustomed to thinking that it all goes down to how our Qiyam goes and how we recite the al-Quran during that 1/3 of the night that we tend to think that, if kita tertidur instead, we'd go: "ya Allah, aku tak dapat apa-apa!"

the ustaz said, that anything we do, be it Qiyam or reciting the al-quran, or helping clean the kitchen, or ironing your children's clothes,or pasang langsir (ustaz specifically mentioned this, haha); as long as it is in that duration, if it's The Night, then Allah accept it just the way it is. with one condition, that we do the things hoping for his Blessings.

so i felt at ease. the other night, it's the 23rd of Ramadhan. and i got a feeling of wanting to do a little bit more that night. so i did what i can. read the ma'thurat and some dua', and watch some videos of hadiths to keep me awake; one of it was my favourite (be sure to google it, Ibnu Qayyim-A meeting with Allah), while letting the sound of the rain outside accompany me. and just as i was done and starting to get sleepy again, the baby started to cry and fidget. quickly, i heated her bottle so not to wake the already tired mother beside, and fed Airaa.

as Airaa was drinking her milk engrossingly (meaning to say rakus, she always seems verryy hungry. in  a cute way though), my thoughts went back to what the ustaz said. even what im doing at that moment, if i had done it for Allah's sake, which is to take care of this little baby like i should, then Allah will Love it too. because for that particular time, of course im not able to perform any solat tasbih or solat tahajjud, and yet, i felt fulfilled. i was helping airaa burp, putting her in all sorts of position, massaging her back a little, and i cant help but smile, if this is The Night (which we will never know because it's His Secret to begin with), then i just hoped that me helping airaa burp will count for His Blessings too. :)

because i truly believe that whatever i did this month, so long as it's not wrong and it's to seek His Redha, then whatever i do is fine.

and we all already know that, anything we do in life is an ibadah, so long as our intention (niat) is there.

so why let the usual misconception takes place? 

there're still more nights left.

jom kejar setiap itu. 

YOSH!

wallahua'lam.

ps: post panjang lagi. maaf. niat nak pendek pun selalu tak jadi. jenis mulut banyak mungkin? hadoi..

yours truly,
yang masih ragu-ragu tentang sesuatu. *sigh*