Complete Faith

Sick. hence the time for me to write a bit. Alhamdulillah, wa astaghfirullah. may Allah forgives all my sins with my little illness. =_=''

Life has been moving, fast if i may say so. Work has  been non-stop. time flies huh? it's been over 2 months that i've been working as a real doctor. or maybe the right word would be training to be a good doctor. i guess i somewhat truly understand what houseman is all about now: a total training period. days where you experience and see things with your own eyes. see what is right and what is wrong. scolded for what is right and what is wrong. yes it's pretty much a hostile environment. but what can we really do other than rely on Allah's guidance? it's a work that involves so many people. your superiors, your colleagues, your patients, their families. and we all have our own different sets of emotions. and because this world is not perfect, our emotions often clashes with one another. 

nobody is ever happy, nobody is ever satisfied, miscommunication is everywhere, and so do misunderstandings. everybody is taking everybody else for granted. nobody really appreciate what the others are doing. we don't appreciate them as much as they don't appreciate us. MOs and HOs work together, and yet, we think that they hate us, and they think that we hate them. and the cycle goes on. it's a messy world to be honest. one that is so messy that we have to be conscious of our intention all the time, which is something almost impossible to be done at the moment. but if we dont renew our intention, then we'll be the losers in the end.

Loser, i am. because i can already sense moments where i have not been as empathetic as i wanted to. towards these patients that i am in charge of, when all my head can think of is to get those work done, to get the bloods taken, to jot the investigations done, to get the signatures; just so  that i wont get scolded by my superiors. hadoy. sad isn't it? and stupid, to be honest. cause everything we do has been so technical, it's so embarrassing. towards them patients especially, the ones who trusted our hands in taking care of them. and most importantly, malu kat Allah. The One watching us slipping away with our so-called 'noble' intentions. malu kat Allah. seeing how our akhlak deteriorates with every dissing and bashing that we are doing towards one another.

astaghfirullah. but if we were to blame everything to the environment then nothing will change won't it? so at times that i forget, astaghfirullah is the key word. i remembered once, i was worried that my boss would think that i haven't done my job just because i wasn't updating them through whatsApp and someone else was. i remembered feeling pretty much stupid afterwards. because i know i was doing my best with the patient. so it doesn't really matter if they know or not, or whatever that they perceive about us, so long as we are trying our best. we know it, and Allah Knows it. that's all that really matters. 

another time i was saddened when my fellow colleagues were bashed by their superiors. apparently they perceived that my friends weren't doing their job. i'd feel crushed too if i were them. when the work that you've done day in day out, and yet they still think that we have done nothing. we'd feel like trash won't we? but if we were to stress our heads with what others perceive about us, then it's a tiring cycle. it will be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. so the only solution to all of this is to fix our belief. to fix our line of thoughts: that whatever happens, it's within Allah's will. try our best, regardless if the job is done or not. try our best, even if we are to be scolded afterwards. learn as much, and keep on praying, that Allah keep our heart at ease, with whatever harsh words that we heard from others. that Allah keep our heart at ease, with whatever that happens. 

because eventually, Allah Maha Adil. they will still be held accountable for what they say and what they do. so leave it to them to take it back to Allah on that one fine day. and if that still doesn't comfort us, just remember that every heart is within Allah's grasps. then pray thay Allah lembutkan hati semua orang, at least.

whatever happens, it happens for a reason. by Allah's will. so if it happens, Allah wanted it to happen to us. so let's remind each other of this very simple thing: Tawakkal. to trust Allah completely, with our lives. insyaAllah. We'll be able to smile in the end and say Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah wa ameen.

******************

on another note, i can never thank Allah enough for all his Plans. this time around, again, Allah planned life so beautifully that i can say nothing other than Alhamdulillah. true how they say, Allah plans things beyond our imagination. may Allah ease the paths ahead insyaAllah. :)

till the next post insyaAllah.

do make doa for me, for my family, 

for my friends, and for everyone else.

let's ace this short trip in Dunya, and seek His Redha;

with and by Allah's will. Aameen.

and here's a special  Doa worth reciting over and over again insyaAllah:
"Ya Allah, do not hold me accountable for what they say about me.
And make me better than what they perceive me to be.
And forgive me for what they don't know about me."
[Abu Bakr As-Siddiq r.a]

Redha

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Redha; 

means to wholeheartedly accept whatever decisions that Allah s.w.t. has decided upon us. 

********

I was busying myself with treating Che (grandmom)'s foot that night. And by treating i meant those really simple stuff actually: removing bits here and there, cleaning the skin, rubbing it till it bleeds a bit, pressing the skin, applying antibiotic creams, putting on gauze etc. She has diabetic foot ulcer. Anyway, the TV was switched on in the background, which i was not really paying much attention to. But i caught on some words now and then. I think it was probably a show similar to 'Bersamamu' or something, where they show stories of those who are less fortunate than us. So at that time, it was a story of a single mother, trying to raise her kids who are handicapped. Two of them are mentally and physically handicapped if i'm not mistaken, and the youngest was the only one who went to school. The little one herself suffers from depression. And then I lifted my head to watch a few seconds worth of footage when they interviewed the mother. She looked close to 60:

"Makcik redha hidup macam ni sebab ini yang Tuhan tentukan."

(I accept this life as it is, as this is Allah's will)

and i silently continued wrapping Che's foot, with a new-formed tug in the heart.

*********

My parents went to visit a recently orphaned siblings. Eight of them. They were all still in school, the eldest being 16. Their dad died a few years back, and now the mother died recently. From an accident. Their step-dad couldn't afford to support all of them, but he did take the two youngest children with him. He does come by and visit the step-children now and then, since the mother passed away. So the 6 are left living with their old grandparents. The house looked okay, Alhamdulillah, but it was inevitably pretty empty. Mama took some photos with them, and i see these beautiful faces smiling back. Genuine smiles, together with their grandparents. 

Redha.

***********

My little sister has this cute gang of her back in highschool. I knew all of them, though i haven't had the chance to meet them as much as i wanted to. My parents knew their parents. The girls even cried when they all have to go their separate ways for college. The furthest one is currently in USA. She's so smart that she gets to study abroad way earlier than the others. And last night, her mother died. Innalillahi wainna ilaihi raajiuun. Apparently her mother had been sick for over a month now, and she was actually planning on coming back to Malaysia this December. But things happened too fast. Listening to what she went through while her mother was sick, broke my heart to million pieces. She texted my little sister this morning:

"My mom died. Can you tell the others?"

She just turned 18 this year. She is the eldest daughter in her family, 

with nine younger ones trailing behind her.

Redha.

***********

"Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu."

They are words that i often utter whenever i feel life is a tad bit difficult for me. Whenever i feel like things are not going my way. Whenever there are turns of events that i didn't expect. But these stories, made me feel so ashamed of myself. Of how different my 'redha' is, as compared to theirs. Of how easily those words slipped from my mouth, when i'm not yet even tested.

Their 'redha' requires a whole lot more: patience, will, strength, and perhaps things that i could never imagined. I can never, ever understand how does it feel like to be in their shoes. But I can only offer them prayers, that with their 'redha', Allah s.w.t will grant them with so much more, if not here in this world, then most certainly in the Hereafter. 

May Allah ease everyone's sufferings and burdens.

May Allah guide our hearts and mind, in times that we needed Him most.

Dan semoga Allah Redha, terhadap hamba-hambaNya yang redha dengan ketentuanNya.

Al-fatihah.

ps: To my little sister in USA, i wish i can give you a warm hug now. 

But do'a is what i can send you for now. :'(

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ

الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

أُولَٰئِكَ عَلَيْهِمْ صَلَوَاتٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَرَحْمَةٌ وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُونَ

"Dan sungguh akan Kami berikan cobaan kepadamu, 

dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. 

Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. 

(yaitu) orang-orang yang apabila ditimpa musibah, mereka mengucapkan: 

"Inna lillaahi wa innaa ilaihi raaji'uun". 

Mereka itulah yang mendapat keberkatan yang sempurna dan rahmat 
dari Tuhan mereka dan mereka itulah orang-orang yang mendapat petunjuk. "

[2:155-157]

Blending In

*linked*

As i'm dusting off this little old blog, i realized that it's been roughly 2 months since i came back home for good to Malaysia. And truth be told, i haven't been sitting at home leading the sedentary lifestyle that i thought i would. I have been going back and forth to the airport close to a dozen times now. Other than the 10-day-trip to Utagha to visit my friends, everything else was unplanned. I just got home yesterday, but i was already booking the next flight to Kuala Lumpur. By now i feel almost exhausted, often only having less than a week at home before i head off to KL again. Nevertheless, on the bright side, abah and mama usually always ended up joining me. And we all get to spend time together, watching the 3 munchkins a.k.a Boolats getting bigger by the day.

So this little background story is the reason to why i haven't had the time to actually sit down and write anything properly. But it's also the reason to the abundance of stories and reflections that are safely stored in my tiny brain at the moment. Contrary to how i was back in Dublin, where the people that i would talk to would mostly be in a hospital setting, my recent travels have led me to meet so many different people in different environments. From extended families, to old and new friends, to random cashiers and even an Indonesian stranger on the train.

I find myself trying to blend in, into the different groups that i am with at any given time. The topics that we talk about, our body language, our choices of words, our facial expressions, the jokes that we make; they all changed accordingly to the ones in front of us. Not because we're insecure with ourselves, but sometimes out of respect to the people we meet. And it's just common sense, that we'd start off a chat with someone by finding a common ground with them; be it the weather (albeit it being the most boring topic of all), the mutual friend that we have etc. But interestingly enough, on rare occasions, i met those who did otherwise. 

They talk only about what they wanted to, mainly anything that revolves around them: their work, their ideas, their lifestyle and whatever awesome things that they have in their possession. Sometimes they even use big bombastic words in simple conversations, not even waiting for any signs of comprehension from the other party. And this, sadly enough, leads to this feeling of awkwardness, or that feeling of a huge invisible wall in between, or worse, when we -the listeners- find ourselves attempting to leave in the middle of the conversation, literally or not. 

The social cues were there, when somehow the person you're talking to have nothing to say in response to what you're saying. Not because they don't want to, but because they just couldn't. Some may say; "oh come on.. Some people are just not that good at talking." But the thing is, i think we all can agree that there's a huge difference between those who can't talk, and those who can. Being on a less husnudzon pace, i tried to understand the reason why some people just chose to create this awkwardness in conversations, and i came to one conclusion: 

When we talk to impress, rather then to converse.

Because conversing is always a two-way communication, whilst impressing is a one-way yak. We want to look good, we want to feel good, we want to let everyone knows what we did good. Hence, we ended up talking about nothing but everything that revolves around us.

It's a rather sad personality for anyone to have, naudzubillah. Hence, let's pray to Allah to be protected from this sifat mazmumah. I don't even know why, but i have met too much of these people lately that it seems a given that i should remind myself of this small little mistake that we might have made in our daily lives, with or without realising it. 

And maybe, just maybe, 

blending in isn't such a bad thing after all. 

Wallahua'lam.

Be cautious with our words.

Be cautious with our acts.

For Allah is the Ever-Watchful.

Astaghfirullah. Wa atuubuilaih.

لَا تَفْرَحْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ الْفَرِحِينَ

"Janganlah kamu terlalu bangga; 

sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyukai orang-orang yang terlalu membanggakan diri".

[28:76]

Deaths of 17th

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

linked

17th July 2014.

A day that will forever be remembered in history, as the world was shocked with two devastating news;

the MH17 tragedy.

and the start of the ground invasion in Gaza.

Innalillahi wainna ilaihi raajiuun

***********

My name is Evie Maslin. I was 10 years old when I died on the 17th of July 2014. I was a part of the MH17 tragedy, which has cost me my life, the lives of my two brothers Mo and Otis, and my dear grandfather, alongside 294 other people. I would never have known that the world will know me after my death. For our pictures are being pasted on the front page of countless newspapers. Many now even knew who we were; how charismatic I was, how clever Mo was at school, and how that strange little Otis was actually a brilliant kid. People all around the world are making prayers for us, but don't worry, cause we're now safely and happily in Heaven. But I do hope that you'll send some prayers to my beloved parents; to lose all of us this way is something that shouldn't happen to any parent. So thank you, world. For you have been kind enough to keep me in your prayers.

**********

My name is Fulla Shhaibar. And I was 8 years old when I died on the 17th of July 2014. I was a part of the oppressed in the occupation of Palestine, and I died on the day Israel decided to start the ground invasion of Gaza. On that same day, my two other siblings were also killed; Jihad was 10 years old, and Wassim was 9 years old, but i bet nobody knew that. We were killed, together with so many others that day. But maybe most of the world doesn't even care about us, as many don't even know how we died. 

Were we shot at our heads?

Were we buried under the rubble from the shelling by the Israelis? 

Were we bombed full-on, tearing our limbs apart? 

But at least our bodies were recognizable, that our names make it into the registered deaths in Gaza; which has now amounted to 600 people. Most of them are little kids like me. But don't worry about us, because we are now safely and happily in Heaven, too.

But I do wish that people would pray for us a little bit more. For the other friends my age who died before me, and for those who are being killed now and the ones who might be killed later on. I know that my death and so many others are no longer something new. We were being killed for years now, but it seems like the world didn't know this before. Because we were never in the newspapers. Even if we were, it would be mentioned in that little column in the corner. We were rarely mentioned in the news. And i guess nobody will know us for who we were; 

what our dreams were, 

how bubbly i was, 

how funny Wassim was, 

or how witty Jihad was. 

Nobody will know that. 

Nobody will know any of the kids who died in Gaza.

But I hope that the world is starting to know this now, because the world has changed. For it seems like people are starting to wake up from all the lies that have been fed into them. I was so happy to see so many people who are starting to stand up behind us Palestinians. So dear world, i hope you would not sleep again this time around. Do wake up and see for yourself of what's happening to Gaza. And wake the others around you, too.

And lastly, 

Please, send Gaza some prayers.

"Du'a is a weapon of a Muslim,

a Pillar of Deen and the light of skies and earth."

[hadith]

***********

I have nothing else to say lately. the abundant videos, photos, and statements from witnesses have left me speechless and numb. and i know it's not just me. I'm writing this just to remind myself and others.

Let's do our part. Muslims and non-Muslims.

This is not about religion, this is about humanity.

Free. Free. Palestine.

Astaghfirullah.

Waatuubu ilaih.

A Chunk of Metal: Part I

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Leave your country in search of loftiness

And travel! For in travel there are five benefits,

Relief of adversity and earning of livelihood

And knowledge and etiquettes and noble companionship

[Imam Shafiie]

I've had the chance to travel a bit right after we finished our final exams, after receiving our results, Alhamdulillah. I wanted to go to Paris. So i half-begged half-manipulated my musketeers (anak-anak Zainol) to accompany me there. For they have been there a few times before with other friends. I've been there once too, back in my first year, but at that time i wanted to fulfil my childhood princess dreams that i only spent my days in the Disneyland.

But anyway, we planned a quick and short and cheapest trip as possible. And Epah, another batch-mate of ours wanted to tag along too. My aim was pretty simple, i wanted to spend my days travelling with my bestfriends, for the last time. And another is to see that Eiffel tower for myself. To figure out what it's all about really.

And we did a 2-day handbagging vacation, cause each of us brought sufficient amount of stuff to put into our handbags. It was great I'd say, and the weather was very helpful for beautiful pictures alhamdulillah. We even went to the same places within the 2 days, cause apparently, Paris is not all that big. Ok, i think it's enough of the trip's introduction for now.

**********

So on the last day there, right before we headed to the bus stop that will bring us to the airport, we decided to kill time sitting at the garden (i don't really know the name of that place, but i'm sure it does have one) across the Eiffel Tower. The weather was beautiful so we joined the mat salehs, sitting around enjoying the cool breeze and watching so many different kinds of people -tourists from everywhere- walking past by.

"In the end, people from all over came to see a huge chunk of metal." 

Ika suddenly blurted out.

and we laughed together realizing how true it is. It really is an overrated huge chunk of metal. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place to visit, but i think coming here with the right mindset is very important. We had a somewhat deep conversation together under the shades while trying to avoid the harsh sunlight. I was thankful, that i came together with my friends. Aaand with a tight budget. So we did what all travellers do; We eat cheap food, stayed at cheap hotels, took the cheapest transport possible and all the other cheap stuff -though perhaps not the Laduree macaroons. That, was also totally overrated. I didn't even know such a name exist till the day we actually ate them. Heh. Quoting a friend of mine - "lepat pisang lagi best" hehe.

I guess we all can agree now that we have been spoon-fed with all the glamours and glitz that people talked about whenever Paris is mentioned. And perhaps too much of those, got into our heads, and into our actions. Cause during our trip, we actually met a bunch of Malaysians; most if not all, would often avoid our gaze, and some even made me wonder if i actually had the Invisibility Cloak on or something. Perhaps giving Salaam somehow hurt them? Or smiling back is quite a difficult facial expression for them? Or was it our shabby looks, that didn't fit the description of "Paghi: the city for fashionistas only". *sigh* wallahua'lam. 

And while we were travelling, Ika mentioned about how some Malaysian blogs showed the type of stuff they do when they come to Paris. Things like getting chauffeurs around, going shopping for Prada and Gucci and whatnot,  together with pictures of them stepping out of vintage-looking cars just outside of Eiffel Tower, with clothes straight out of the latest fashion magazines. And let's not even mention the bright red lipstick. Heh. When we went back to Dublin, i looked into the so-called blogs and really did found myself dumb-founded by the 'reality' that these blogs bring. Well perhaps for those with money, maybe they are the stuff that comes to mind when we mention Paris. But for mere human beings like us, trust me, it's just a normal travelling experience. And don't worry, not everyone looks like a model when they come here. :)

My point to this all, is that sometimes we get too caught up with these overrated stuff that we read off the internet or magazines or from movies that we watched, that we all drown ourselves in our fantasies, and forget what travelling essentially is. And Paris is sadly one of those places that succumbed to these dreamy ideas. So when we go there, sometimes i think we held our heads up too high, acting all posh, dismissing everyone who seems 'less' than us. 

City of love? 

I'd say it really is a a city full of people thinking they are in love. 

Fashion trend-setters? 

I'd rather wear jackets in the cold breeze rather than attempting to brave it just to look cool in the cameras. 

Acting posh? 

I'd opt for a little smile just to acknowledge one another. *sigh*

So i guess that is why i was totally grateful for travelling there together with my friends just like the way we did- the college student style. no glamour. And definitely no glitz. We did exactly what travelers do wherever they go; experience the place, the people, the food, and take back home some lessons learnt for life. There's more to travelling than just the pictures that we took. Look around us; the scenes, the people we encountered, fellow travelers like us, the histories of the places that we visit, and the list goes on. but inevitably our generation is somehow slowly fading away into the lands of selfies and instagrams, just like what the social media taught us to. Yes, pictures are great for the memories. But won't it be too much of a waste if that's all that we gained from our travels? 

For all the money that we saved and spent to go there, 

and yet we gained so little spiritually. 

Something worth pondering upon isn't it?

Wallahua'lam.

Ps: this post really does kick me back in the gut. A huge self-reminder for someone who took lots of pictures there. Haish.. *peluh kecil* And here's one of our own at the garden where this whole post came to mind. :P thank you girls. For being the best travel companions one could ever ask for. :)

Alhamdulillah ala kulli ni'mah.

Second Phone Calls

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

My parents called me today. And they asked me some small things that they are worried about. But because i've explained it to them quite a few times before i found myself brushing off the whole thing, and explaining it again to them half-heartedly. Though it may not sound that way, but i know that during that phone call, i was actually annoyed.

Later on, i was texting my brother when he said that they were asking him the same thing, and he became a bit annoyed too. Eventually he had to call them again, cause he felt bad for the way he talks in the first one, hence the need to apologise. And eventually i found myself doing the same thing too;

Of making that second phone call.

*********

This is not a rare thing, really. It's apparent isn't it? That we are always doing less to those who are close to us, those who we love. We are less cautious with the words that we use, often hurting them at the end of our conversations. We are less in control of our emotions, easily bursting into anger or out of annoyance at any given time. We are less sabar with anything that they do, huffing and puffing whenever we feel like we want to.

We do less for them,

of what we would do for strangers. 

Cause with strangers we keep our face lit up, even with the most boring conversation ever. With strangers we keep all our emotions in check, even if they do or say the stupidest of things. It's this weird mechanics that we have inside us. It's not a bad thing of course, we should be properly-mannered human beings. But it's just a bit sad to acknowledge that we are not that 'well-behaved' with those who we are close to. And the reason to this, as much as we'd hate to admit it;

Is because we take things for granted, too easily.

But i guess it's one of the many flaws that we have in us (or is it just me and my brother? *awkward silence*). And admitting we have flaws doesn't get the job done either, unless we make a mental-note to ourselves that we should do better than that, and act on it. Which i guess explains the second phone calls that we have to make.

So i guess i'm writing this time to remind ourselves to be more thankful with what we have, and who we have; hence guiding ourselves to be a better person to them, as well as for our own sake; when we have to answer to Allah s.w.t one day. And more importantly, to remind myself of my mistakes, and here's to hoping that there will be less 'second phone calls' in the future, insyaAllah. :)

*******

i called them back, said sorry and did my explanation but i was brushed off; When abah passed the phone to mama a little quicker than he normally does. And mama said "Oh takde apa-apa la yan..." (Oh, it's nothing Yan.) Followed by this silence.

"Mama, what are you guys doing? Are you watching movies?"

"Aah. oooh tu die datang da" (Yup. oooh here he comes)

- referring to whoever psychopathic dude in the thriller movie that they are watching. 

yes, my phone call was actually disturbing them. hehe.

They may not have noticed it at all, and wasn't even hurt with whatever that we said. But it's important for us to realize when we have actually stepped out of our lines, and to always apologize whenever we do. I guess as much as we want to avoid making those second phone calls, perhaps it might not be that bad at all. Cause at least we still have a heart to even make one, rather than nothing at all. *wink*

“All the children of Adam constantly err, 

but the best of those who constantly err are those who constantly repent.” 

[hadith At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad]

to forgive and ask for forgiveness, always.

let's do this lads!

of Miracles and Hope

linked

I fell in love with this quote from a TV show that i watched, it was so true that the first time i heard it, it hit me hard. And i kept wondering when would be the best time to share it in here, and finally it's time. it's a long post. you've been warned.

*******

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

"Some people say there are miracles, and some people say there's no such thing.

But in moments of urgency, people inevitably wait for a miracle. Thus, miracles need to exist - 

so that in all times of urgency there is a glimmer of hope for people to dwell on. 

Miracles need to exist..."

My beloved country, Malaysia. Seeing so much strain on you gives me a heartache really. I think it's been a while since I last earnestly prayed for you. So many tests Allah has given you at one time. And so many people involved; those who lost their family members or friends through the missing flight; those who are working around the clock trying to figure out what has happened to that plane; those who have to leave home for days now for the search and rescue missions; and not to mention how lives are becoming difficult with the worsening air and the drought taking place. Being a Malaysian -albeit not being there at the moment- it is heart-wrenching to read the never-ending news, bad ones piling up one after the other. 

And I pray for nothing more than a miracle. 

Cause being a Muslim, we all do believe in miracles.

surah al-Kahfi reminded us of miracles every so often;

and the story of Israk Mikraj does the same too. reminding us how miracles are never really impossible. 

Knowing that Allah is the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, 
we believe in "Kun fayakun";

بَدِيعُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَإِذَا قَضَىٰ أَمْرًا فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ

"Allah Pencipta langit dan bumi, dan bila Dia berkehendak (untuk menciptakan) sesuatu, 

maka (cukuplah) Dia hanya mengatakan kepadanya: "Jadilah!" Lalu jadilah ia."

[2:117]

******

Hence, I pray for a miracle.

That the plane would just appear before us, safe and sound. Or whatever has happened in between - be it hijacked, or conspiracy theories, or just malfunctions - I wish all those innocent victims will come back safely into the arms of their loved ones. Because it's not just the 239 lives involved, the families who are anxiously waiting and hoping for them to come back are also included. The challenges that they have to face are totally beyond our imagination and comprehension. 

I pray for a miracle.

That all Malaysians and people around the world would come together and pray for the best. To give a hand whenever it is possible. To give encouragements to those who are doing their best. To support the family members and friends of those involved, keeping them in our thoughts and our prayers.

I pray for a miracle.

That we all realized how much these things are all tests given by Allah s.w.t. Reminding us that we are inevitably just His Creations; weak, small, and helpless without Him. Because whatever we do, no matter how advanced our technologies are, no matter how many countries and intelligence involved in this whole matter, no matter how much we have prepared things beforehand, nobody can stop the plane from going missing, nobody can stop the drought, nobody can stop anything if Allah Wills it.

But despite knowing how easy it is for Allah s.w.t to grant us miracles, 

somehow our actions seems to be pushing the miracles away.

so how can we hope for a miracle?

When all we do is treating the whole thing as just sensationalised news. Waking up everyday to see what's most controversial of all. Never once putting ourselves in the shoes of those involved. we were so easily distracted by things that entertained us, so much so that we loved talking about Raja Bomoh for days. I wondered, if it was my brother on the plane, would I even watch all those videos? would I make time to make parodies of the 3 guys on the 'magical' carpet? I felt sick to even laugh at the pictures posted. But sadly that was what most of us were doing. I don't really mind those who were raising the issue of aqidah and khurafat acts, but most were just enjoying ourselves, having some laugh over bomoh and buaya.

How can we hope for a miracle?

When all we do is condemn whatever that is being done. Bashing everything from the get-go. I couldn't care less whatever the medias outside Malaysia are saying, but I think the least that us Malaysians could do for our home-country is to encourage them. I am not saying they're the best at handling this - how can we even compare when none has ever faced it before? - but I do believe that they are doing their best. And for most of us who are just staring at the laptop day in day out, the least we could do is pray that Allah eases the paths for all those involved.

How can we hope for a miracle?

When we failed to realise that these are Allah's reminders of our status as His Creations. We failed so badly, that we ended up going further away from Allah s.w.t, deviated from the rightful path. The news of those concerts was just another eye-opener of why we're in this mess in the first place. That these kinds of things - concerts, zina, hedonism, secularism - are happening in Malaysia; saying we're a Muslim country but never really acting as one. Inevitably, we're just a country filled with Muslims - which is a very questionable status for each of us anyway;

are we truly Muslims? 
or are we those who said syahadah without truly understanding it, let alone act upon it. :'(

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ

“Oh Turner of Hearts, keep my heart firm on Your Deen.”

"...But miracles are miracles because they are not common. There are far more misfortunes we don't think of, than miracles that we don't expect. And miracles in the end are a matter of probability. And life is cruel with its absolute and overwhelming probability. But still miracle is needed.
Rather than the despair of zero probability that will never come to pass, a ten-million-to-one chance is better. That is how hope exist."

and we're back to praying for those miracles.

And knowing that miracles only come from Allah s.w.t, 

let's remind one another to play our side of the bargain as His hamba, 

because as much as miracles are rare, it is never impossible, 

when we truly believe in Allah s.w.t.

and quoting Cinderella; "even miracles take a little time."

.. and effort. insyaAllah. May Allah eases.

Pray4MH370.

Pray4Malaysia.

Pray4Muslims.

 prayers for you and me.

Love Confession

linked

I have this guy that I love. And I wanted to show him how much I love him, that I decided to look up for things that I can do for just that. I read magazines, articles, watch movies and shows to look for all these romantic tips and tricks about love. Those tips tell me that i should try to give presents, to cook awesome food, to say sweet and encouraging words all the time, to do this and that. I was so into all of them, that I spent my time picking up the best gifts, wrapping them carefully with my own two hands; I looked up for recipes for all his favourite dishes and spent hours making them etc. things went on like this for a while until one day, when I met him, I realised that I don't actually love him, for I have been in love with the act of showing him that I love him.

And that I, have fallen out of love.

********

Yes people, this is just an analogy and purely fictional.

I'm not yet married so i am nowhere near to having a lovey-dovey relationship at the moment, thanks. 

But it was something that I realized had happened in my relationship with my Creator. We have so much things that we were told we can do to gain His Love. Reciting the Quran, listening to Islamic talks, waking up for Qiam, performing those extra solat sunnah. But I realized that without the right mind and intention, these efforts can really easily turn into just another day's routine. When we'd stand up after our obligatory prayers for our Rawatib, out of reflex. When we're lifting our hands for some du'a but what's coming out is just a well-rehearsed du'a that we've been reciting for the past months, them having lost their meaning to us; and what's worse is that sometimes we don't even lift our hands anymore. When we'd wake up for Qiam, we performed our prayers,  but by the end of our night, all we ended up doing was asking for those worldly things that we wanted so bad; never once stopping to appreciate His Presence or His Closeness. And sometimes, we'd just woken up for that 2 rakaat of Qiam, to be able to tick the boxes for our 'good deeds I've done' list. 

We no longer talk to Him. 

We no longer have tears with our du'a.

We no longer pour things out from our hearts.

Because our hearts has become hardened enough, 

that it no longer seeks Allah s.w.t.

*******

I guess this saying suits my not-so-much love confession for today, 

"We often mix between what is for Allah's sake 

and what is for our own sake". 

Hence, we need reminders to get us back on the rightful track;

To renew our intentions;

To love Allah, for the sake of Allah;

To do all those extra ibadah, for Him, and not just because we have this worldly gain that we want;

To be sincere, and work hard trying to be one, despite knowing that it's the most difficult thing of all.

And perhaps only then we'd be able to get our hearts back; 

to love Him unconditionally, and have our beautiful ending, which is to gain Allah's Redha.

Let's pray together for just that shall we?

InsyaAllah wa Aamiin.

Dari Abu Hurairah –radhiyallahu ‘anhu-, ia berkata bahwa Nabi s.a.w bersabda, 

“Allah Ta’ala berfirman: Aku sesuai persangkaan hamba-Ku. Aku bersamanya ketika ia mengingat-Ku.

 Jika ia mengingat-Ku saat bersendirian, Aku akan mengingatnya dalam diri-Ku. 

Jika ia mengingat-Ku di suatu kumpulan, Aku akan mengingatnya di kumpulan yang lebih baik daripada pada itu . 

Jika ia mendekat kepada-Ku sejengkal, Aku mendekat kepadanya sehasta. 

Jika ia mendekat kepada-Ku sehasta, Aku mendekat kepadanya sedepa. 

Jika ia datang kepada-Ku dengan berjalan (biasa), maka Aku mendatanginya dengan berjalan cepat.” 

[Hadith Bukhari dan Muslim]

Oh Duet

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

الْمَالُ وَالْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَالْبَاقِيَاتُ الصَّالِحَاتُ خَيْرٌ عِندَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًا وَخَيْرٌ أَمَلًا 

"Harta dan anak-anak adalah perhiasan kehidupan dunia 

tetapi amalan-amalan yang kekal lagi saleh adalah lebih baik pahalanya di sisi Tuhanmu 

serta lebih baik untuk menjadi harapan."

[18:46]

Once I had a serious conversation with Abah a few years back. And I was reminded of it again recently, after listening to stories that I hate hearing. Most often, we'd find ourselves swept away with the current; instead of strengthening our belief that Allah will Provide, we think harta will. sigh~

**********

Allah will Provide;

But because we forget, we all scramble to look for anything that provides huge amount of money in the shortest amount of time. We see them in the newspapers every so often, when thousands of people are being scammed for their money because of all these skim cepat kaya or multi-level marketing that offers instant lump of cash, under so many different names. It's like a spell or something, that everybody falls into every single time, and all it takes is just by putting up this X digit of money, and all will be blinded by it, pushing aside any logical reasoning behind these so-called 'businesses'. Neither caring what and who is behind it, so long as the numbers in the bank account is going up. And let's not even go into stories of those who claimed that their 'ustaz' is bringing in money from the heavens. *roll eyes*

Allah will Provide;

But because we don't understand, we thought that happiness only comes via money. We forget about health, about protection against evil-doings, about living and breathing for just another day; they are all provisions from Allah. Money is just a tool for our rezeki, but many see it as their aim; confusing what is harta and what is rezeki. They are in fact, two very different entities. As Abah and Mama always reminded us, you can have RM3 and your rezeki that morning is eating Nasi Lemak sebungkus. You can have RM100, and your rezeki is still just that Nasi Lemak sebungkus. And again, it's not wrong to go looking for them, really; cause what matters most is where they stand in our hearts. Heck, we can have 5 sports cars in our garage, but it's only worth it if they bring us to the mosque 5 times a day. Setuju? Thank you.

Allah will Provide;

But because we forget, many would go to such an extent that they forget about their family, about their loved ones, and the worst case of all, they forget their Deen. I was following Abah and Mama around the city yesterday, and we passed by some closed shops around Kota Bharu, apparently they were shut down for selling drugs; amounting to millions of Ringgit. I wondered how long has that been going on, how much food has been bought with that money, and how much of them have been fed to their children? Apparently it was a family business. Weird isn't it, how can a family come together in committing sins? Wallahua'lam wa astahgfirullah. 

As always, reminding when I'm finding myself forgetting.

"Ya Allah, jadikanlah dunia di tangan kami, 

bukan di hati kami." 

Aamiin ya Rabb.

***********

"Nanti bila yan ada anak-anak sendiri, 

perhaps by that time there would no longer be things like scholarships etc.

 and you guys have to pay for everything. It would be very difficult. 

Abah wonder what can I do now to help anak-anak Abah survive."

"Senang la Abah. One thing je abah kena buat. 

Tanam a very deep value in our hearts; 

Rezeki tu milik Allah. 

Confirm survive."

InsyaAllah. :)

the Wake-up Call

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

*linked*

I was waiting beside the main road in front of USM for my friend to pick me up. We're heading for the bridal shop! *no, I'm not the one trying all those dresses*. Earphones plugged in, i was watching the road and the gazillions of cars in the afternoon heat when a familiar guy walked past me, heading towards the gate of the hospital. He looks like he's in his 40s, slightly Chinese-looking, kopiah on, a simple t-shirt and khaki pants with a pair of Crocs slippers on. 

If i hadn't known, he would have been just another regular person i see on the street. 

If i hadn't known, i wouldn't have made that prayer 

while he walked silently and unknowingly in front of me.

"May Allah ease his life as well as his family's"

Aamiin ya Rabb.

********

We had our ward-round during the first day of my attachment with the team in USM, meeting a kid who came in to the hospital with an underlying rare condition. That was the first time I saw the kopiah-clad guy, he's the Dad. The rarity of the boy's condition triggers my interest of course, which led me to talk to the mom, one fine morning. In retrospect, she sure is one awesome lady, talking about her son's condition in details, feeding this final medical student those rare medical knowledge of her son's disease. The boy came in with a breathing difficulty, only to collapse that very night in the hospital, falling into deep coma for the next 28 days, held in ICU the whole time with all the intubation tubes; and it's now day 41 since he woke up, alhamdulillah. But the condition has left him scarred, as he has acquired multiple brain infarction leading him to be half-paralysed now. And here is one mother, being able to talk ever so calmly and brightly; giving me an insight of their lives, behind that smile she put on her face.

Can we imagine ourselves in their shoes? Scratch that. We couldn't even imagine having to face anything even close to that; Having someone you love being so sick, fighting a fight we couldn't even understand, waiting ever so patiently at the bedside, for a very uncertain future? So many questions run through my mind. How is she coping? Who's looking after the other girls at home? How about the younger one, does she misses her mum? Her husband has to be working away every so often to keep the household running, it must've been tiring to go back and forth between work and hospital right? How much are all of these taking a toll on their lives? 

....Are they okay?

Wallahua'lam. Keeping in mind that Allah s.w.t never burdened His creations more than we can bear, prayers is all that I can send them; and this goes out to anyone who's facing any hardships in their lives. May Allah be with all of you, insyaAllah. Meeting these kinds of people definitely put some perspectives into you wouldn't it? Of how much we are whining everyday, of how much useless we are at times, of how simple our problems are, of the fact that we are just not that thankful enough for the lives we're living in.  Astaghfirullah. May Allah forgives;

Cause we just keep. on. forgetting.

For every person that we see, perhaps there's always that little extra story behind them. Maybe if only we knew the weight that everybody is carrying on their shoulders, perhaps then we wouldn't be living in a world;

where everyone is taking advantage of one another, 

where people are only looking for chances to scam others, 

where the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, 

bound to be laid forgotten. 

But we couldn't see that, and thus all we care about is ourselves, ultimately creating this selfish world we are currently living in. Sadly enough, more often than we wished for, we are a part of that latter group;

Talking about our problems, our lives, 

scurrying to post whatever awesome things in our lives; 

Completely forgetting about others. 

Astaghfirullah.

I don't really know how to end my rambles this time around, but today's incidence pretty much sums up my wake-up call. I was jotting down notes while reading the medical chart of a patient, when this one little girl in her pink tudung came peeking into my notes, her height barely passing the table. So i leaned in closer to entertain her;

                                   "Adik tengok kakak tengah buat apa ni?" (What do you reckon i am doing?)

                                   "Tak tau." (I dont know.) - she grinned sheepishly

                                   "Adik umur berapa tahun?" (How old are you?)

                                   "8 tahun." (8 years old.)

                                   "Adik sakit apa?" (Why are you in the hospital?) - I wasn't thinking straight. =,=''

                                   "Leukaemia" - she answered nonchalantly

                                   ". . . . . . . " 

And I realized she was only a few beds away from me, taking off her pink tudung later on to reveal her balding head....

Astaghfirullah. 

We all are in dire need of reminders.

فَلَمَّا نَسُوا مَا ذُكِّرُوا بِهِ فَتَحْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ أَبْوَابَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ

 حَتَّىٰ إِذَا فَرِحُوا بِمَا أُوتُوا أَخَذْنَاهُم بَغْتَةً فَإِذَا هُم مُّبْلِسُونَ

Kemudian apabila mereka melupakan apa yang telah diperingatkan mereka dengannya, 

Kami bukakan kepada mereka pintu-pintu segala kemewahan dan kesenangan, 

sehingga apabila mereka bergembira dan bersukaria dengan segala nikmat yang diberikan kepada mereka,

Kami timpakan mereka secara mengejut (dengan bala bencana yang membinasakan), 

maka mereka pun berputus asa (dari mendapat sebarang pertolongan).

[6:44]