8.9.10

idul Fitr; more than a day of celebration?

funny aint it?
at 20, and im just barely understanding the true meaning of 'idul Fitr'.
kembali kepada fitrah
is it because of my ignorance?
that only now im trying to understand this special day.
or should i blame my family or my surroundings instead?

truth is, pointing fingers leads me to nowhere.
instead i should be thankful, 
that at 20,
Allah gave this chance for me to think.
instead of 30. 
instead of 40. 
instead of never.

one fateful day, 
it was from a radio show, 
an ustaz started his talk with defining the words of 'idul Fitr'.
i wasn't able to listen to the whole show,
cant remember why.
but the definition was stuck in my tiny brain.
'seriously, ive never thought of that.'

the last few days,
i've been so occupied by this.
kembali kepada fitrah.
so the day is supposed to be a 'celebration' of that.
but the question is, have i?
kembali kepada fitrah.
did i use all the chances Ramadhan has to offer?
untuk kembali kepada fitrah?

this Ramadhan...
have i struggled and prepared myself for Lailatul Qadr,
instead of just waiting for it?
have i finished reciting Quran,
just because it's something i do every Ramadhan,
instead of hoping that Allah makes the bond with this Holy Quran stronger?
Have i performed tarawikh,
just because it's embarrassing not to do so,
instead of realizing that this solat sunat 
is only done specifically and specially in this holy month?
Have i eaten for sahur everyday,
just to fill my empty tummy, 
instead of understanding the barakah behind it?
Have i woken up for Qiam,
just because i had extra time before sahur,
instead of really having faith in Allah's words,
that Qiam really strengthens your iman?

have i...have i.. have you yan?
i kept questioning myself over and over again.

kembali kepada fitrah.
how i wish i am there.
how i wish i'd managed to do the most i can,
in this Holy month of Ramadhan.
how i wish, that im eligible to celebrate Idul Fitr,
with it's true meaning.

still, it's a happy occasion that one should cherish 
and be thankful for.
we're back in the real game now.
if we managed to tame our hawa nafsu,
then insyaAllah we'll manage to fight off all the Red Army,
for the next 11 months.
insyaAllah...

alright. this is just me retrospecting in public.
edisi ke berapa tak pasti.
whatever it is, 
saya nak minta maaf,
to all my friends and fellow readers.
for any words that might have hurt you.
wallahua'lam. 
im a mere human being, bound to make mistakes.
im here just to write and share my insignificant experiences.
with the hope that they may benefit those who willingly visit this blog.

and as for now, we still have a few hours of Ramadhan left.
(some still have a day left)
i've heard of a quote somewhere:
"jangan Syawalkan akhir Ramadhan"
for all we know, all the offers stand still.
the Red Army are still tied, 
the Doors of Heaven are still opened,
the barakah is still there.

let's just grab whatever we can.
while Allah is giving the chance.
and pray that, on that fateful Idul Fitr,
we are in the groups of people who had;
"kembali kepada fitrah"

wallahua'lam.
Salam Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir & Batin.
seriously. 
i mean it.
mintak maaaaaaf sgt2 eit? ;)


2 comments:

Fazdlin Rahim said...

im started missing everyone. faith lin faith. my parents dah balik. g kat kakak. huhu. salam aidilfitri yan

izyan.ariff said...

;) missing you dear~

jangan sdey2. the phase will pass. focus on our aim. beribadat kepada Dia. 24/7. hehe

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