The Weird Question

we were on our way back to Putrajaya, after spending the weekend at Abe's house in Shah Alam. i think Boolat Airaa had her fun with her favourite uncle, Ayah Ngah. :) and Kakak asked me a random thing like she always does;

kakak: yan, yan sayang Rara tak?
me: tak. (in my most serious tone ever. yes, sarcasm intended)
kakak: yan sayang dia macam mana eh? macam adik yan ke? macam sayang cousin ke?
me: hm, i'm not sure la kakak..

and my thoughts swirled around that question,
whilst Airaa was sleeping soundlessly and cutely in her car seat behind.


i've spent the last 5 days with my kakak and her baby, as my bro-in-law is currently away with his work. jumping up to the offer to come here to be with my first niece, considering i only spent time with her on her first 30 days, during last year's Ramadhan before heading back to Dublin. and i only watched her becoming more Boolat via whatsapp videos that my Abe religiously sent me time and time again. so this is an offer i couldn't miss.

the last time i slept with kakak and baby, was during the first month of Airaa's birth; when Abe Ammar has to come back to Putrajaya for his work. back then, at night time, i'd be woken up by Airaa's cries. i'd try to not wake kakak up, and give the bottled milk kakak has prepared. but if Airaa keeps on crying, kakak would feed her instead. and during those nights (and even days) i saw how kakak was in pain all the time because of the surgery (she had caeserean birth). she couldn't even sit up straight, and yet, she still did everything to keep Airaa full and happy. :)

and almost a year later, i get to sleep with the two of them again. the baby is bigger this time though ;) and like old times, i was woken up in the middle of the night with Airaa's moaning as she was stirring from her sleep. then i saw kakak, and realized how awkward kakak's sleeping position was. uncomfortable, i must say. and i wondered how could she sleep that way. and it was all done so that Airaa could feed properly. when Airaa moaned again, i tried to pat her gently, when kakak suddenly said, "takpe yan. tidur je. i got it." as expected, kakak was not even sleeping. *sigh*


thoughts poured in as i tried to sleep again. the love of a mother; and the things that they would do. and this is only the smallest of things. i watched how busy she is during the 5 days. but kakak never complains. because she loves it. she's doing everything for her little girl. i don't know, but that just gets to me.

and i can only imagine what Abah and Mama had gone through raising the four of us. the many different things they must have sacrificed, the things they willingly have gone through, and still are. i can't count, for i don't even know. and the same goes out to all Ayah, Ibu, Abi, Ummi, Daddy, Papa, Mummy out there. think of the things they are willing to do for us. subhanallah.

yes, the praises go back to Him. the One who plant Love in those hearts. without Love, one can never do much to another. at least, that is what i believe in. when you love someone, you'd do anything for them really. that's a given.


If love comes with the amount of days that you spent with someone, then i guess i won't love my little niece, huh? 30 days (when she was born last year) + 5 days (when i came back last June) + 5 days of babysitting.

40 days with someone, will that make you love them? maybe. i don't know, but i'm guessing it won't. but subhanallah. there isn't really a word to describe how much i love this new addition to the family.

this little girl that i've only watch in videos for the past 10 months.
this little girl who smiled so wide, it makes you smile just thinking about her.
this little girl who kisses you with her mouth open, smudging every inch of your face with her saliva.
this little girl who would stop crying by just saying the word "bird".
this little girl who came to lie so close next to me in the middle of the night, 
and i caught her staring at her Aunty Chik. (her cuteness kills me)

so back to Kakak's weird question:

"yan sayang Airaa tak? sayang macam mana?"

yes, kakak. i do love this baby girl.
i love this baby girl. not like how i love my sister, nor like how i love my cousin.
i don't love her just because she's my niece. not because she's yours. not because she's blood-related.
i just love her. because i guess it's just one of those feelings Allah put in our hearts.
and like everybody else, i think we all love her, with every little thing that she did.

she's just my niece. yet, she's already making my heart flutter all the time.
i cant imagine how parents would feel. :)


okay. i end this very long ramble with a prayer :)
may Allah grant us all with wudda (kasih sayang);

“Sesungguhnya orang-orang beriman dan beramal soleh,

kelak Allah yang maha pemurah akan menanamkan dalam hati mereka kasih sayang.”



little angel's weird sleeping position. :)

Boolat's different expressions ;)

a day with Aunty Chik. Rara playing with her toys under the watchful eyes of mr Owl :)
Boolat's day with Aunty Chik: baru siap mandi ;)

1. Ibu's and Boolat's carbonara. 2. she's offering Ayah Ngah her baby bites. *this rarely happens*
3. abe + kakak + me, at our usual spot since years back. now we're here again, with a little girl tagging along. :)

car rides with Aunty Chik :)

ps: might be my last night sleeping with her this year. sobs. night world. salam :)
pps: kasih sayang; it's a really mysterious thing :P

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