it's not about good or bad

picture by *Ann-NL from deviantart

there's been quite a few things i planned on writing in here, but haven't had the time to do so. but i will share all of it gradually, insyaAllah. :) that is if i remember. =,=''

today i'll be picking on a topic that is quite sensitive to many. we can get quite a few impressions at the very mention of this word. wallahua'lam, i grew up not putting much thought in it *being one who goes with the flow most of the time. not much of a rebel at heart* and now that im finally in it, and still am trying to understand it, i realized not many people would go with the flow; but more commonly, avoiding it; and for some small numbers; hating it.

im not saying it's wrong for anyone out there to feel those kinds of feelings. cuz one thing for certain, everybody has the freedom to feel whatever they wanna feel, to say whatever they wanna say about anything for that matter. but all i want to clarify today is that:

you can never really love nor hate anything that you dont know of.

and the only way for you to know about it, is to be in it.

logic kan? so what is the word that im talking about? that brings all sorts of facial expressions to different kinds of people? some smiled, some gets excited, some expressionless, some shrugged, some rolled their eyes, some cringed and more lah. it's none other than;

USRAH

there are so many impressions out there about usrah, but i wont dwell into details about every single one of them. but one thing that i thought of sharing is a statement that i've heard of so many times. maybe not specifically, but more or less this is what it means:

"walaupun saya taknak join usrah, saya bukannya jahat."

translation: "eventhough im not joining usrah, it doesn't mean im a bad person."

trust me. i used to think of this too. but that was BEFORE i knew what it's all about. truth is, i think everyone should fix this wrong understanding of what usrah is.

it's not about good.

it's not about bad.

it's about trying to be better. 

this perceptions are what i think should be corrected most. joining usrah doesn't make you a good person, and not joining doesnt make you a bad person either; and vice versa. who are we to decide whose good or bad? wallahua'lam, i think these perceptions doesn't come from those involved in usrah, but from those outside of it. and even if it comes from those already in usrah, i'd say he/she still has a long way to go in understanding what usrah is all about. heck even i dont know if i am. =,=''

it helps you to be better

"eleh. ade je orang join usrah tapi tengok korea cam hapee..."

"join usrah tapi tergedik-gedik je kat budak laki."

true. not many end up being better. some got worse.  thus i am not saying it will definitely help you be better. no. because it all depends on that seketul daging in your chest; your heart. it depends on your intentions too. but instead of watching the bad examples coming from usrah, why not look at the many different good examples that we all cant deny?

the guy who used to smoke, stopped smoking.

the girl who used to wear short skirts, started wearing hijab.

the guy who was extremely addicted to Dota, started reciting Quran most of his freetime.

the girl who needs her daily dose of Korean drama, ends up not caring about it at all.

you just cant deny the changes that are happening in them. the small changes that i bet everyone of us want for ourselves so much too. we wonder, where did their strength to change came from? where did their motivation came from? no, not from usrah. but from Allah. How? through the never ending reminders about Allah, IN usrah. 

usrah, to me;

is not just weekly meetings of 2 hours. is not just a place to study a religious book, because i cant find time to read on my own. is not just a place for me to feel that, im not that bad, because i attend it every other week.

no. but usrah, to me;

is a place that brings me back to reality. the reality that we all are dying; that we are heading towards Him; that we will be questioned with every single thing we did, every single thing we have; the reality that life on Earth is just a 5 minute stop, wallahua'lam maybe less than that; compared to the life that we will be having later on; the reality that what i want most is His Redha, His Jannah, His Love; that what i want most is to know what He hates most, and what He Loves most, and trying my best to do just that.

usrah is a place where constant reminders that i need are given; wallahua'lam i dont know what ill be without it. 

i told my adik-adik once; i used to attend usrah just because all other people are attending it. the 'go-with-the-flow' attitude. then it changed into, 'kesian-kakak-usrah-asyik-masak-food-best' attitude. then it changed into something that i like to go to, because it helps me understand my Deen. and now it's something that i need so much. these changes of heart, didn't happen in a day. it takes time. it's just up to us, have we given a chance to usrah in the first place? because if we dont even give a chance, how can the changes even take place?

some said, you can be better without usrah. true. you can. hidayah is His to begin with. but this is my effort, in trying to be close to My Creator. and i know i cant depend on myself if i want to be better.

truth is, it's not the kakak-kakak or abang-abang that wants you in usrah, it's us that needs usrah the most. and they are just trying to give us the chance. and so i guess it's all up to us to answer this question:

can you try and be better on your own? 

i know i cant.

wallahua'lam.

"Kalau kamu dan sesiapa sahaja di atas muka bumi ini seluruhnya ingkar, maka hal yang demikian itu tidaklah merugikan Allah, sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Kaya lagi Maha Terpuji.” 

[14: 8]