ahlan wa sahlan

to abang ammar: welcome to the family ^,^

*ammar mokhtar & aifaa ariff*

~20.02.2010~

to the both of you;

it's a new life

a new journey

i pray that this jodoh stays forever,

not till death do you part,

but till we all meet again in Jannah. 

~InsyaAllah~

Secret: Part 4 -revealed-

alhamdulillah

today my so-called secret will be revealed

after 1 month of planning with kakak

it's done.

i went back home for kakak's wedding
yes.
kakak's wedding.
back home.
malaysia.
kelantan.
home sweet home.

as a suprise for mama and abah especially

for abe (i thought he knew) and lin

and all the families

~hehe~

everything went well

the wedding went smoothly

the surprise was perfect.

and definitely priceless.

lots of things happened making this a priceless memory for me.

seeing the look on abah's face when he saw me; 

not saying anything and straight away he hugged me and kiss me.

how mama cried at the front door upon seeing me. 

and then i quickly hugged and kissed her.

how all my aunts cried too.

and the hugging and kissing.

how i was there holding kakak's hand during the akad nikah.

how people actually not able to register that it was me they were seeing till i said, "yan ni."

and how last night, just telling my uncles (abang2 abah) the story of how abah reacted,

and they all ended up teary-eyed (uncles okay?)

sangat terharu with everybody.

and this is only a small part of the whole surprise story.

i will forever remember this memory.

i came back with the aim of making my family happy.

i think i did just that;

it was perfect for them.

and definitely perfect for me.

thank You Allah.

You Made it all possible.

ps: now i have to get used to my family staring at me at times. yes, sometimes they are still in disbelief that i am actually home.hehe~

ouh. and the constant hugging and kissing without any reason.

*tapi im used to that already.hehe.i love being hugged and kissed.lala*

pps: paling happy. im there in the wedding pictures.yeay!!

Secret: Part 3

it's time.

it's also my first time.

only Allah knows how much scared i am now.

but the fact that He Knows this,

should make things all better, right?

insyaAllah.

whatever it is,

only You can help me now.

Ya Allah,

permudahkanlah urusanku.

after all,

He is the Best Planner.

~wallahua'lam~

Secret: Part 2

my mind is elsewhere.

when i look at my anatomy book, and it looks back.

pandang-memandang.

tapi dua-dua senyap.

*if buku tu tak senyap freaky la pulak*

when i surf the net with the intentions to check my schedule.

but instead i ended up checking my other schedule.

when i go to the kitchen to eat, 

but i ended up thinking of what ill be eating tomorrow instead.

yup.

my mind is DEFINITELY elsewhere.

the secret is almost out.

but im gonna keep silent just for a little while.

in the meantime,

i have millions of plans for that night;

dont know which one to choose from.

but most importantly, 

make sure the night DOES happen.

ya Allah

permudahkanlah urusanku. (",)

to A: thank you so much. 

i dont have SLR

but at least i have eyes.

and em..a cameraphone? *hehe*

some people said that not sleeping after subuh needs hard work. well, i havent been angelic either. let's say ive been there, done that. towards the end, it seems like it became a habit for me to sleep after subuh. and the afternoon classes didn't help me either. *bad me. do not follow* so i tried different methods to keep me awake. like, reciting Quran for one. then eating breakfast as early as possible. and sometimes even showering before the sun rises. *well, the showering part didn't last long. it's too cold* then, i found a method that seems to work for me: watching the sun rises. 

proof? one time, i was veryyyy sleepy after prayers. maybe because i slept at 2.30am the night before. i couldn't even recite the Quran properly. as i was on the verge of going to dreamland on my sejadah, *cceengg~~ sound effect sket* yup, the sunlight shone through the small space in between my window blinds. sounds like a movie, but it was real. now, i never start a day without capturing the sunrise. subhanallah. i've gone through lovely days ever since. ^,^

ouh. and the fact that there are loads more benefits of not sleeping after subuh keeps me motivated too.hee** 

here are some pictures i'd like to share. i dont have expensive cool gadgets, so these pictures actually don't do justice to the actual views. nevertheless, they are still amazing to me. =)

these were all captured by my camera phone (3.2 je) and from my window. so there's not much angles to start with...still, i love them. ^,^

~salam~

my life; as it is.

part 1:

as stated in my previous post, i have been very much troubled emotionally for these past few weeks. i've been following a very inspiring blog -written by someone whom i definitely not know of- but is still able to touch anyone's heart. im sure by now many people have read his blog, or heard of him and his story. Akhi Mas Afzal. *i can only pray that Allah will be with you through and through. my prayers are always with you.insyaAllah*

part 2:

earlier this week, ive been troubled by what had happened to a friend of mine, amal. but just in a week's time, Allah has shown His Love in many ways, more than anyone can think of. i, for one could not tell how Allah works His wonders by just writing it in a blog -it wont be satisfying enough for me- but im sure im not the only one who realizes the miracles that Allah had showered upon us. having talked to amal 2 days after the incident, and again 2 days later, i cant help but be amazed by how Allah put things perfectly together. subhanallah. i just hope that with these incidences, they will strengthen the iman of all of us. insyaAllah.

part 3:

ive been watching the arrival series. and my brain seems to want more and more everyday. alhamdulillah. some said that watching it is scary. some said they dont want to watch these kind of documentaries, out of fear that they will see the world differently, thus not being able to live normally. normal? *i wonder how normal is our norms?* but the truth is, i think we all need to watch it, but not for the sake of  being scared of whatever that is mentioned in the series, but to be aware of what is actually happening. because to me, being aware means you understand things, and when you understand things, you wont run away from all the temptations in the world, -mind you, you will never be able to run away nor hide from them- BUT, you will instead face the temptations with iman and Allah by your side. insyaAllah.

okay.

i seem to have much on my mind right now.

if only i could have more time, to be able to share my thoughts in here.

but of course, time itself is His. i dont have time, i have only borrowed time.

so instead of mourning the very limited borrowed time i have,

i might as well use it up as efficiently as i could, and insyaAllah for His liking too. (",)

ps: anyways, i cant wait for the grand event.

ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusan keluargaku.

ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku.

ameen ^,^

emotions

i cant describe what im feeling lately. 

maybe im thinking too much.

it seems to be draining me. 

draining my energy, my emotions.

ive read too much sad things lately,

listen to too much bad news i guess,

knowing too much about the world.

astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.

sometimes, you cant deny the fact that there are people who seems to be living a very perfect life. *well, at least perfect in their definition* - going to beaches with boyfriends, partying, going to proms, focusing on valentine, hotstuff, cam-whoring, costume partying etc- *well, you get the picture* it's definitely a hakuna matata life for them - a life with no worries.

and 

you cant deny the fact that there are people who're trying to reach for Allah, ending up with ujian-ujian that we cant even think of instead. from very small type of ujian, to life-changing ones. amazing isn't it? how little time it takes for your life to change. maybe a month, a minute, a second? all because He is testing you. 

but.

even though im seeing two sides of life; one seemingly better than the other, i know deep down in my heart that the latter is the best. i talked to kakak last night about this. and a thought came to me.

rather than having a blissful life without Him, i'd rather face hardships, knowing that at the end of it all, i get to see Him.

InsyaAllah. still, it doesnt mean im praying for one. nauzubillah. i dont think i have the strength to face any of those things that others are facing. even this very small ujian of mine, -racing time- is enough to keep me occupied. but of course, Allah knows best. whatever happens, it's already in His Plan.

as for the ujian-ujian, we will always have the Quran to guide us. 

[2: 286] 

dan ketahuilah, Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya…

[94: 5&6]

… sesungguhnya disamping kesusahan bersamanya kemudahan…

… (ditegaskan sekali lagi) disamping kesusahan bersamanya kemudahan…

[ 2:214]

“Do you really think that you will enter Paradise without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When will come the Help of Allah?’ Yes, certainly the Help of Allah is near!”

and insyaAllah, we will always have Him with us. Ameen.

Ps: to amal, i'll pray that all goes well for you. We will help you in any way we can, insyaAllah. 

The Arrivals

I've heard of The Arrivals countless time already. I've watched some of it. *i admit that this series is truly a wake-up project for us* And i even had the chance to discuss about it, even though i truthfully don't know much about it. everytime i watched one, i would always end up promising myself that i will try and watch the whole series to understand them. 

but being a human being, who have always succumbed to Mr Merah's whispers, i ended up watching grey's anatomy, or any korean dramas instead. 

Alhamdulillah, today ive started watching the series accordingly. With the hope in my heart, that this series will do nothing more than to strengthen my iman, help me understand and be ready, for this crazy world that i'm living in.

well, as the saying goes;

better late than never right? 

kepada yang lama

okay. 

i changed my layout twice in 2 weeks time.

to the layout before,

as much as i love soft pink, and flowers and stuff,

im just not that into you.

^,^

ps: i have a lot of things running through my mind this week.

so many things i wish i could share and write.

but time is something that i dont have much.

*tapi tukar layout sempat. hee*

till then. 

~salam~

mind your words

words. words. words.

coming out of our mouth every so often

lately i've been listening to lots of stories

about feelings being hurt

...including my own... 

*sad sad sad*

As much as i tried giving advices to others, i know it's not an easy task; to control how you feel. i've decided that words are usually what hurt our feelings most, second place would go to our actions. i know everybody's not perfect, but i want others to know too that im definitely not perfect. I have this disorder, of easily being hurt by words. i dont know why; but i just do.

Still, at the back of my mind, i know that this stupid feeling is just Mr Merah's doing. Mr merah knows im hurt, and he makes my feeling a thousand times worse than it should. Meaning it's not that hurtful, but he reminds me of things that make it moreee hurtful! *kejam sungguh kamu Mr merah. i hate you*

Still, even knowing all these; doesnt make me feel any better. Like today for instance; it happened again.

im hurt..

I seriously tried to stop it, but i cant. It seems Mr Merah won today. *no, he does not make me do bad things just yet* But he makes things more hurtful than it should have, i guess. I was on the verge of crying, so i prayed to Him."I need You so bad. give me strength ya Allah". so i grab my Quran, hoping that.. i dont know, maybe He let me see a phrase that calms me down. You know like that story of that photographer guy.

i randomly flip through and look at (17:54). "hm..it's true. Allah knows everything" but it still doesnt make me feel better. *huhu* that's a bit frustrating. then i read the phrase before it

(17:53)

Dan katakanlah kepada hamba-hambaKu, "Hendaklah mereka mengucapkan kata yang lebih baik (benar).Sungguh, syaitan itu (selalu) menimbulkan perselisihan di antara mereka. Sungguh, syaitan adalah musuh yang nyata bagi mereka. 

subhanallah. to me. it answers my plea. im okay now. *siap terus berblog lagi* thank You Allah. eventhough this phrase is more on talking about the truth, but im happy with my limited understandings thrugh this phrase. that words can easily hurt, that's why we have to "mengucapkan kata yang lebih baik".

so i think i'd do just that first, then maybe others would do that to me too. And i wont risk hurting my feelings with words again. InsyaAllah.

btw, Mr Merah. screw you! *bweeekk*