gift of ramadhan

(post written on 1st ramadhan)

life was too hectic. that i didnt even embrace the fact that Ramadhan has come. i came back on 16th. i have my graduation on 17th. then sending off mama and abah on 18th. and i had a whole day programme on 19th. and continued filling forms and stuff on 20th. i continued being busy on 21st. having to wait for letters etc.


i was pretty frustrated and depressed whenever abe or kakak or even lin called saying they cried and that they miss Mekah. i was a bit scared too, why havent i feel anything? i remembered it, but my heart doesnt miss it. mind you, i can differentiate the feeling of remembering and missing something. keras sgt ke hati ni? i asked myself over and over again.


i told kakak about it. kakak soothe me, saying i got a lot on my mind, with mara forms, preparing for 1sept. but deep down, i couldnt help feeling sad, i know that being busy is not a good-enough reason.


it was the first night of tarawikh, the night of Ramadhan. i think it was around midnight. kakak was pretty much tired and was asleep. i was tired too, but i turned on the tv. there it was, siaran 'live' in masjidil haram. it was there and then that Allah gave me a chance to open up my heart. i couldnt quite explain what i felt, and what happened. after an hour and a half, i finally manage to turn off the tv. i watched the people there performing Solat Isyak and solat tarawikh. it was actually quite a normal thing to watch. but it was different for me. Allah made it different. Alhamdulillah..


so that night, i consider that THAT was the Gift of Ramadhan that i hoped for. it was the right spirit for me to start off this year's blessed month. who knows, it might be my last one. Wallahua'lam.


i sleep feeling happy yet sobbing at the same time. i can only pray, that i'll be invited there again someday.

InsyaAllah~

one day left

*16yearold home. im gonna totally miss it. =(

hm..i have only one day left to enjoy home.
cant believe that all have come down to this.

a few years back, after SPM, Allah uji sket. back then, it seems like my dream of going to ireland is quite impossible. but since that day, i learnt that everything happens for a reason. i am very much thankful to how things revolved around me.


abah panggil tadi, he asked me, whether i still remember my spm days. how Allah gave a very small ujian for me? yet now, He gave more than what i wished for. i just smiled. what he didnt know was, i remembered it every single day. the day i didnt get any interview, the day you went with me to KL (thank you abah n mama for being there with me), the day i went to ACMS, the day i got that phone call from MARA, the day i went to register in KMB, the day i went to IUMC's interview, the day Miss Shereen texted my result, the day we're in Madinah where i got the text message from Lyn..


i am thankful Abah..I keep in my heart that Allah always knows best. by testing me, he kept me grounded for years to come. because ever since what happened, i know that it was just to make me remember, that I can plan whatever i want in my life, but He will ALWAYS be the one to DECIDE.. what's going to happen. =)

one day left, and ill be leaving home.
next stop: IRELAND.

"the best 12 days"

*outside masjidil haram. i miss this so much.isk. sorry abah..im tall.=)*

it was 11pm. after isyak. we just came back from masjidil haram and abah & mama brought me and my siblings to the kebab shop they love to go to during their Haji.


we were in the room indulging ourselves with these kebabs, when abah suddenly said;

"ok. anak2 abah. this is 'the 12 best days' for me.."

abah continued on. (secret la.. those were sacred words for us siblings..isk2)

even at that time, i know that it was true. there were truly no better name to give to the days that we have there. it doesnt mean that the days there were all perfect. what with the scorching hot sun, oven-like temperature, chapped lips, kulit menggelupas etc. but yes, it remain the best 12 days to us. i know that it will be the best 12 days of my life. i might have other best days (graduation ke..hari kawin nti ke?etc) but nothing can make me feel the way i feel there.


was it a family trip? kind of. but it was definitely a special one. we were there together, i was with the most important people in my life.(abah,mama,kakak,abe n lin) and we were there to be close to Our Creator. bukan bersuka suki..bukan nk enjoy..bukan sebab dunia.. tp nk dekatkan diri dgn Allah. The One who had given us all the Nikmat that we dont even deserve considering what we have done.

kat sane, i learnt a lot about Izin Allah. everything happens if Allah let it. Without Izin Allah, we wouldnt even be there in the first place. so Alhamdulillah. i could only pray and pray and thank Him for all the chances He gave us. the chance of going there is already more that what we hoped for. but the chances He gave us to do all the things that we did there,i couldnt even describe it.

masjid nabawi, makam Rasulullah SAW, Raudhah, jabal Uhud, perkuburan As-Syuhada, Jabal Rahmah, Gua Hira', Gua Thur, Masjid Qiblatain, Bir Ali, Tanaim, Ja'ranah, Masjidil Haram, Bab As-Salam, Safa wa Marwah, Hijr Ismail, Makam Ibrahim, the list goes on. and finally Kaabah.. these are the places that ive only read about.never yet imagined of being there. now, each have their own story that im going to cherish and think of. whenever and wherever i can. InsyaAllah.

the feelings i had was priceless. thinking of it alone makes me feel really small & insignificant. makes me think of how Gracious Allah is to us..i miss everything. =(

May the 12 best days be remembered, all our life.
to abah & mama, thank you for bringing us there. i love you.
to kakak, abe & lin,, i love you girls. and guy~
next time, it will be us taking abah and mama there k. insyaAllah..=)

Alhamdulillah
in the name of Allah,
the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah

finally home

*it does seem like life was back to normal*

ive been away for only 18 days. now im finally back home. a lot has happened. my life had been hectic. ive a lot of memories and thoughts that im planning on sharing. because apparently most of them are already threatening to be forgotten. but these memories are very priceless to me, so i have to write something that can keep those memories in these God-given brain of mine.

looking at my fb profile, seems like there's a gap there. i went to umrah, and 2 weeks later, im back but it was filled with grad pics, pre-dep etc.. the truth is, my mind and soul is always wishing that im still there.

so, i might write a few posts tonight. there are some things that i want to be remembered in here. i dedicate sum of it to my sister too should she be reading it. (which i know you will) hehe. =)

kain sembahyang

just a few hours left. thought i write 1 post before bertolak. ibuku semangat ke jaafar rawas, beli kain sembahyang (or ppl usually call it telekung sembahyang, tp dari kecik lagi ku asyik panggil kain sembahyang) anyway, bila dia tawar nak beli untukku, ku hesitate sikit. tapi, mama...dia beli jugak eventhough ku cakap taknak.


tapi semalam masa nak pack, ku tetap ambik yang lama. alasan yang ku bagi mama terima. ape alasan ku?

"mama, kain sembahyang yan ni dah banyak jasa kat yan.
especially yang yan pakai 2 tahun kat kmb ni.
solat surely lah, time yan baca quran, masa nangis,
takut or sedih pun semua dengan dia.
takkan taknak bawak kot?
dahlah banyak jasa. bila nak gi tempat best kena bagi dia merasa.
kesian dia if kene tinggal..hehe.."

tu yang ku rase la. so ku nak bawak benda yang banyak berjasa kat diriku. kain sembahyangku, tafsir abah mama belikan, tasbih arwah che..etc..baru bermakna sket. bukan ape..just nk bersyukur dgn harta benda yang dah lame menemani diriku..insyaAllah~

moral of the story: hargailah harta benda kite..=)