26.8.09

gift of ramadhan



(post written on 1st ramadhan)


life was too hectic. that i didnt even embrace the fact that Ramadhan has come. i came back on 16th. i have my graduation on 17th. then sending off mama and abah on 18th. and i had a whole day programme on 19th. and continued filling forms and stuff on 20th. i continued being busy on 21st. having to wait for letters etc.


i was pretty frustrated and depressed whenever abe or kakak or even lin called saying they cried and that they miss Mekah. i was a bit scared too, why havent i feel anything? i remembered it, but my heart doesnt miss it. mind you, i can differentiate the feeling of remembering and missing something. keras sgt ke hati ni? i asked myself over and over again.


i told kakak about it. kakak soothe me, saying i got a lot on my mind, with mara forms, preparing for 1sept. but deep down, i couldnt help feeling sad, i know that being busy is not a good-enough reason.


it was the first night of tarawikh, the night of Ramadhan. i think it was around midnight. kakak was pretty much tired and was asleep. i was tired too, but i turned on the tv. there it was, siaran 'live' in masjidil haram. it was there and then that Allah gave me a chance to open up my heart. i couldnt quite explain what i felt, and what happened. after an hour and a half, i finally manage to turn off the tv. i watched the people there performing Solat Isyak and solat tarawikh. it was actually quite a normal thing to watch. but it was different for me. Allah made it different. Alhamdulillah..


so that night, i consider that THAT was the Gift of Ramadhan that i hoped for. it was the right spirit for me to start off this year's blessed month. who knows, it might be my last one. Wallahua'lam.


i sleep feeling happy yet sobbing at the same time. i can only pray, that i'll be invited there again someday.
InsyaAllah~

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