i am a Muslim student

so what makes us any different from all the other students in college? 

we are Muslim students. 

schematic answer. but so true. 

(mungkin ade yang jawab, Muslim dulu. baru student. true and true)

but are we Muslim students just because we wear hijab? is it just because we dont drink and go to parties during weekends? is it just because we say bismillah during exams? is it just because we can be happy applying the concept of usaha, tawakkal and redha in our studies?

yes i think they are all true. but the most important thing that im trying to grasp here is keberkatan ilmu. this is something so big and deep that we have, that Allah promised us, should we do things His way of course. 

Hence, even if we pray 5 times a day and wear hijab everyday, kerberkatan ilmu doesn't come just by doing all that.

*note: keberkatan ilmu = blessed knowledge. (direct translation.hehe) 

last year, i think my understanding and belief on the usaha, tawakkal & redha concept deepened. but i think i sort of completely leave behind it's other half; keberkatan ilmu. being in a foreign country, it's quite hard for us to really appreciate the meaning behind keberkatan ilmu, when the lecturer is a non-believer, thus you dont feel any sense of obligations towards him/her. you do respect them. in awe for the intricate things they understand and remember; but no sense of obligation or responsibility to learn from them, because we dont quite feel that the knowledge they're giving are with barakah. betul tak? not to mention 70% of the lectures are uncomprehensible. even if we understand the words they are saying, we dont really know how to link them with previous lectures. (but i guess we should blame ourselves for that matter. or medicine? hehe)

back to my point.

the true fact is; the barakah is always there. your effort in waking up very early, preparing here and there, running to class should you be late, waiting for the bus (or walking, or cycling, or even scootering..hehe), the effort you put in concentrating in the lecture hall, the effort of trying not to be sleepy, the jab in the ribs you gave to your sleepy friend beside you, the ruler that someone borrowed from you, the drinks and chocolates you shared with others during the breaks in between lectures, the smile you gave to others which somewhat makes them a tiny  bit happier, the encouraging words and reminders you exchanged while heading to the surau, the comforting words you gave when you see someone else who are so busy with so many other responsibilities and the list goes on. there are endless things that you were doing, All things Allah never takes for granted, and believe it or not, they were all part of your effort in menuntut ilmu. how? because awal-awal pagi turun kelas kan dah niat; sahaja aku meninggalkan rumah, untuk menuntut ilmu, mencari keredhaan-Mu. kan?

the barakah may not come directly from the ilmu itself (which i highly doubt, surely ade berkat kat situ, regardless of who the lecturers are) but all the things we do, that seemed very small that we have mislooked; are the ones that Allah yang Maha Teliti is counting and putting into our 'accounts'. for our studies specifically, do we think that we got A's (or Bs and Cs) solely because we've not slept for 3 days memorizing the anatomy book (or mechanical or anything for that matter.hee) ? well think again. 

because if Allah really Grants us good results solely because of our effort in studies; in other words Allah checks how many hours we spent reading, understanding, memorizing, answering questions, a.k.a studying; come on guys. ask yourselves. do you really think it's enough? of course Allah does take into account all the time spent and effort made, but if He were to give us results just because of that, i dont think we can even get an F. seriously.

sometimes too, we may get what we want, and yes, we have studied like hell. constantly, what not. hence, the 'great' results. but wont it be sad, because when all that we are aiming for is just the A+ and not the barakah behind it, then the result is not that great in the Hereafter kan? the way we look at things is always different from the way Allah Sees. 

dalam menuntut ilmu, the most important thing is making it as a form of ibadah. because if all the time spent is not a form of ibadah, then our 'Hereafter accounts' are just empty. not much difference from the ones who are partying like hell every other night. and how to make it an ibadah? niat kerana Allah and doing all things the right way. what's the right way? ask your heart. hati tak tipu. most of the time it's just us ignoring the small hunches that the heart felt. and the constant pestering of Mr Merah.

take your SPM for example. hmm.. scratch that. IB exams or A-levels. what makes you so sure, that you got great results because your eyes were literally stuck to the book 24/7? what if it was only because Allah grant your parents' prayers for you back home? or your teachers' prayers when they were about to start the lessons? or Allah Saw that you gave a pen to someone in class just for the sake of helping her? and so much more. and not at all because of your effort.

life has so much more deep meanings behind it. just ask Him for help, and He will show you. think. that's all He wants us to do.

alhamdulillah, Allah made me experience this countless time. i know for a fact that i wont be here if it wans't His Plans to begin with. for i question my own lame efforts in studying constantly. for those who kept saying they got these and that because they were constantly with books, it's time to realize it's Allah's Plans for them. :(

looking back, i see so much things i have done wrongly. and thought of wrongly. and just to remind others out there, while im saying all these, i may make the same mistakes. again and again. i am just a mere human being. bound to make all the mistakes. but this is just a reminder, from someone who used to like being in her comfort zone, (most probably still am); not wanting to be a bad person, but not aiming high to be very good, nice ones either; but i am trying really hard to change all the big and small things in my life, for the better. but while im reminding myself, why not share it with the world kan?

everything is there. read the Quran, and we'll see all the reminders that He Kept on Giving, which we always turn a blind eye and  a deaf ear to. :'(

ya Allah, berikanlah petunjuk kepada hamba-hambaMu ini.

ps: to fellow friends out there, dont be sad for all the time that you think you lost. for they are all lost for Him. and we all know He is Never One to miss anything. hoping and praying for the best for all of us, here and most importantly, Hereafter. ameen ameen ya Rabb.

nice sight

tarikh lawa lagi. terlepas nak kahwin lagi. *lol* going to bed early tonight. had a very long tiring day. so tired by now, since im back home so late. have lots of things on my mind that i feel like sharing in here. but it seems like im very much racing time. need to catch up with a lot of things. funny how i seem to have a lot of free time last year. but i think that was only because of my lack of understanding on stuff instead.

anyways, keluar rumah at 7.15am today. and dont know why, Dublin seems to be freakishly cold nowadays. we're not easily fooled by the beautiful sunny sunrise anymore. *sob2* at night can reach down to 2 degrees. serious sejuk. and then there was the midterm test early morning today. on neuro. sesusah yang disangka. no surprise there. then straight classes till 6. alhamdulillah, im trying to appreciate a new meaning behind the word mencari ilmu. will be shared soon insyaAllah.

then my tummy decided to have it's usual monthly gastric. the excruciating pain somehow led me to think, "aiyoo. dosa apakah yang telah ku buat ni?" 

ok. im just blabbing. dont have much to share actually. the only thing that got me excited to write in here is a 5 minute walk that i had. from 7.30am till 6.30pm i stayed in college. at 6.35pm, finally went out of the health science building, to meet up with pika (who had 2 exams today. you go girl!). and despite the very cold breeze that left me menggigil seorang diri~ i was greeted with a very beautiful sight. the moon.

then the best part is 2 minutes later. the right song was playing in my headphones, and i was walking by the lake, along a nice path under the trees, with the darkened sky, and the sound of water gushing from the UCD lake. and the moon was the highlight of it all. subhanallah.

despite being tired, cold, hectic, test susah and all; i was greeted with Allah's creations instead.

which also leads me to think that:

no matter how bad a day we had, 

if we have Allah by our side, 

everything still fall into place.

kan?

wallahua'lam.

kenapa?

i'm going to start the day with some killer questions for myself. care to join? have a read. it's just my wake-up calls.

tajuk: kenapa?

kenapa aku sibuk melayan nafsu diri dan kerenah dunia?
sedangkan aku tahu dunia ni sementara.

kenapa aku sibuk menonton youtube di waktu lapang?
sedangkan aku tau kiamat kecil aku akan tiba bila-bila?

kenapa aku boleh menghabiskan masa berjam-jam di city mencari telefon baru?
tetapi nak habiskan masa 2 jam di usrah rasa 'oh, precious time'.

kenapa aku tak terlibat dengan social events and gatherings?
sedangkan aku tau islam bukan bersifat individualistik.

kenapa aku boleh duduk depan laptop menonton drama favourite secara marathon tanpa sedar?
tetapi nk duduk buat kerja dakwah, sejam sudah mengeluh.

kenapa aku boleh bangun awal untuk Garda ataupun kelas pagi?
tetapi nak bangun Qiam tak pernah cuba.

kenapa aku masih tak memasang niat untuk memperbanyakkan ibadat sunat?
sedangkan aku tahu disitu boleh raih cinta Allah.

kenapa aku boleh plan ahead winter & summer trips?
tapi nak plan untuk kematian tak ada dalam kepala.

kenapa aku baca Quran lagi sikit compared to tengok youtube?
sedangkan selalu kata "im a Muslim. dan saya berpegang kepada Quran dan Sunnah."

kenapa walaupun sudah percaya Nabi Muhammad SAW adalah insan contoh yang terbaik?
tetapi masih mengidolakan manusia selain daripadanya.

kenapa aku cakap sayang ibubapa dan keluarga?
tetapi tak berusaha menjadi anak soleh/solehah untuk mengajak mereka bersama?

kenapa aku boleh decide untuk main bowling atau Qzar dalam 2 saat?
tetapi nak pergi program atau ceramah agama, 3 hari fikir. tu pun belum tentu pergi.

kenapa aku boleh nak habiskan masa 3 minggu berjalan-jalan time summer?
tapi 3 hari daurah. no way?

kenapa aku taknak bersama orang-orang yang aku tahu ilmu agama mereka lebih mantap?
sedangkan aku tahu ilmu masih cetek. iman camne?

kenapa aku mampu bimbang tentang makan atau study?
tetapi jarang sekali bimbang tentang hati yang mudah berbolak-balik.

kenapa usaha aku sikit?
sedangkan aku tahu syurga itu bukan senang.

kenapa aku masih begini?
sedangkan aku belum pasti akan tempatku di akhirat kelak?

kenapa....
aku jarang bertanya soalan-soalan ni kepada diri sendiri?
sedangkan aku tahu dan sedar kepentingannya?

maybe, because i already know the answers.
but dont want to take responsibilities of them.
because the more you know, the greater the responsibilities kan?

these, are questions that we rarely want to ask ourselves,
thus we avoid the people who can ask these kind of questions to us;
those who kept asking themselves these questions over and over again.

we have always said 'aku belum baik. aku masih banyak bende jahat dalam diri."
but where is our effort to undo all that?

ya Allah, give me strength. give us strength.
bless us with iman.
bless us with taqwa.

again,this is me retrospecting in public.
i may not be a good person to begin with,
but hoping that these small efforts are considered as my hujah for the Hereafter.
wallahua'lam.

"Setiap yang bernyawa akan merasakan mati. 
Dan hanya pada hari Kiamat sajalah diberikan dengan sempurna balasanmu.
Barangsiapa dijauhkan dari neraka dan dimasukkan ke syurga, sungguh,
dia memperoleh kemenangan. 
Kehidupan dunia hanyalah kesenangan yang memperdaya."
[3:185]


true.i may not be the best person to say and question these kind of things.
true, kalau ikut layak tak layak, serious rasa tak layak.
tapi kalau tak berpesan tentang benda-benda yang benar,
aku akan berada dalam kerugian.
nak tunggu diri sempurna? sampai bila-bila pun takkan.


ps: sape cakap berpesan bende baik kene tunggu sempurna?
and who are we to judge..?


astaghfirullah.
astaghfirullah.
astaghfirullah.

hari ni

10.10.10

lawa tarikh die. idaman semua yang nak kawin. me too. tapi, da terlepas nampaknya.nak buat camne...hehe..

but it's just a date. what's more important is how much you prepared yourself to face marriage, not weddings. ok. enough about that.

because it's a special date, 

i thought of making something special too.

it's a part of my hobby actually, 

and i realized last year that this hobby of mine can make others happy insyaAllah.

sometimes, if you do things for the right reasons, it makes all things worthwhile.

but im writing this in here because im worried. 

that my intention went astray. 

things done for the right reasons are blissful, 

but deadly for the wrong reasons. 

so im praying again that i did it with ikhlas insyaAllah.

i hope they're happy.

cuz i am.

insyaAllah.

ps: video boleh dicek kat facebook.
bertajuk 'hanyut'
for girls only of course. :)

seriously

at times i wish i can say that every actions i take, every word i spoke of, every word i wrote, every thing i do, is with ikhlas. sadly, i cant.

as much as i wish my niat is right, that im doing things for Allah; not for others to recognize me, not for others to praise me, not for others to notice me; i am again reminded of the hadith i read from Ustaz Zaharuddin's web:

Maksudnya (ringkasan terjemahan) :

Antara yang terawal diadili di hari qiyamat kelak adalah mereka yang mati syahid. Kemudian ditanya kepada mereka : Apakah yang kamu telah perbuat (amalan di dunia dahulu)?

Jawabnya : Aku telah berjuang untukMu (wahai Allah) sehingga mati syahid

Dibalas : Kamu berbohong, tetapi kamu berjuang untuk digelar "SANG BERANI"

maka dikatakan, telah ditarik semula amalannya dan dicampakkan ke mukanya dan dilontarkan dia ke dalam neraka.

Ditanyakan kepada (orang kedua) : Apakah yang kamu telah perbuat (amalan di dunia dahulu)?

Jawabnya : "Aku mempelajari ilmu, mengajarkannya dan membacakan keranaMu Al-Quran"

Dijawab semula : Kamu berbohong, kamu mempelajari ilmu agar kamu boleh digelar ‘ALIM, kamu membaca Al-Quran agar digelar "QARI"

maka dikatakan, telah ditarik semula amalannya dan dicampakkan ke mukanya dan dilontarkan dia ke dalam neraka.

Ditanyakan kepada (orang ketiga) : Apakah yang kamu telah perbuat (amalan di dunia dahulu)?

Jawabnya : "Tidak aku sesuatu yang engkau sukai untukku dermakannya kecuali telah aku dermakannya keranaMu"

Dijawab semula : "Kamu berbohong kamu mendermakannya agar kamu digelar "DERWAMAN"

maka dikatakan kepada Malaikat, lalu telah ditarik semula amalannya dan dicampakkan ke mukanya dan dilontarkan dia ke dalam neraka (

(Riwayat Muslim, no 3527, Kitab al-Imarah)

so here i am, contemplating whether i'm really doing things for Him? at the same time worrying whether im doing things the right way or not. as the common saying goes, "niat tak menghalalkan cara".

truth is, im scared for myself. im worried of my place in the Hereafter. it's always one or the other. astaghfirullah. but no matter how scared i am of my own niat, of my own sincerity in the things that im doing, it still doesnt give me the right to stop doing everything, and stay in my room quietly and cater for myself. when it doesnt involve others out there, of course i dont have to worry about being sincere or not, kan? it's only me and Him. but truth is, that's not the way Allah wants us to live, kan? 

ikhlas comes after istiqamah. there is no such thing as, ill do this and that, once im ikhlas. cuz it's a very vague area. can one really say, "ye. saya ikhlas!"? i know i cant. and i know only He Knows. that's why it's something very hard to attain. because only He Knows. only He can Judge our sincerity. so keep on doing the things that Islam had taught us, that Rasulullah had taught us, that the Quran had taught us. Keep on doing all of them, and ask of Him, to Put ikhlas in our hearts instead. because sometimes, thinking of ikhlas as a gift from Him, and not something that i myself can make/attain, takes a looot of weight off. 

wallahua'lam. this is just my opinion. and again, it's just me retrospecting in public. semoga Allah kurniakan ikhlas dalam hati kita semua. Ameen ameen ya Rabb. :')

6 oktober 2010

alhamdulillah.

i'm 20+1 now.

my prayers?

ive told this to some people before;

but im gonna write about it again in here. (hehe)

another year adds up.

and i know that im literally closer to Him,

cuz my time is nearing.

but at the same time,

i am wishing that im closer to Him.

hoping that by the last year that i have,

it would be the year that im closest to Him.

as much as i know that there are so much

that i should be reflecting on,

that there's still so much i'll be facing ahead,

i still cant help being so happy today

happy that the night before,

and tonight as well.

just reading the well-wishes from friends all around

*i know everyone in this world had the experience*

but i am truly deeply happy seeing others taking their time

to make me happy with simple words :P

not to mention ade orang buat video

love that soooo much!

happy that i was woken up by 4 beautiful sisters

very early in the morning

(well, maybe not so early)

with a big chocolate cake for my breakfast

*kesian datang jauh-jauh pagi-pagi*

love you dearies.

ps: sorang lambat sikit.haha

btw, choc cake habis in one day!

happy that at class, a very nice friend,

manage to bake a very yummy blueberry cheesecake,

for both birthday girls (today and yesterday's birthday girl)

*wink*

happy that one of my besties came by.

(thankfully RCSI decided to give some time off for the 2nd years)

and gave me roses!!

*really love floweeerrrrsss*

~ehm, note to my future-hubby; whoever you are~

happy that friends sweetly took some time off.

(a lot of time off)

and drop by our little house,

and played a very cool game together!

(i think that was one of the most extreme games

i had tried in my life.heheh)

happy that as tired as we are from the game,

we all still manage to prepare some food for them

alhamdulillah balik semua nampak kenyang.

sorry makan nasi goreng je.wuwu

and last but not least,

received a very sweet gift from my sayangs..

love you housemates

all of them reluctantly got a free peck on the cheek from me

and went "euuuuuwww" when i did it

i dont care. lalala :)

it had been a very long day.

but one of the best birthdays i had too.

im happy.

alhamdulillah

alhamdulillah

alhamdulillah

thank You for blessing me with this happy feeling.

still scared that i might have gone a bit astray for being too happy today.

but still hoping it's all a gift from You.

ya Allah,

forgive me for the things ive done wrong in my 21 years.

bless me for the years to come

bless us all with iman and taqwa

for that is all that matters in the end.

to all.

i humbly hope that you'd pray that i'll be a better person 

with each and everyday passing by.

with that.

jazakumullah khairan kathira.

to You ya Allah, please be with me through and through,

like You have done so for the past 21 years.

ameen ameen ya Rabb.

(",)

pembesaran.same lagi tak eh?heheh

rase sgt tua.isk isk

u.j.i.a.n

"Dan sungguh akan Kami berikan cobaan kepadamu, dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar. 

[2:155]

we have been promised, that this life on Earth, wouldn't be all easy. at one point, you cant say that life is all happy and blissful. at one point, you will face something that you'd feel unbearable. and everyone have their fair share of experience. including the non-believers i guess. for if they're able to face the hardships with opened arms and hearts, He will Reward them in this life. but us? He Promised us a wayyyyyyy better gift. nikmat iman yang lebih kuat. among other nikmat of course. (reward Afterlife included)

not to say that we can't cry, or be sad of the things that happened to us. because that's just fitrah. we are born weak. that's why we need Him. and these tests are just some sort of a 'push' from Him, TO Him. the reason? because we ourselves tend to forget our own Creator. to the extent He has to Help us remember Him back. because us humans, when we're weak, or sad, or down, that's when we really want to believe in the existence of a higher power. that's when we want to acknowledge His Existence. again, that's fitrah. yet, it's not something to be proud of, and one should always try and train oneself to remember Him constantly.

as for all the ujian that Allah had prepared, we should build up our faith (keyakinan) that they are not for nothing. quoting from a random blog:

Allah Maha Pengasih; jauh sekali Allah takdirkan ujian 

hanya untuk menyusahkan hamba-Nya. Marilah kita 

sama-sama cungkil hikmah di sebalik ujian yang 

ditimpakan.

Ujian sebenarnya melatih kita untuk mendapatkan 

sifat-sifat yang terpuji. Sabar, redha, tawakkal, baik 

sangka, mengakui diri sebagai hamba yang lemah, 

mendekatkan diri dengan Allah, harapkan pertolongan 

Allah, merasai dunia hanya nikmat sementara dan 

sebagainya.

yet, i am still a weak human, who constantly worries about ujian-ujian yang akan datang. worried of any big ones that He might Give, and yet praying that He won't instead. sometimes i pray, that i just keep being strong with the small ujian that He Gave, keep being thankful for not giving me the big ones; eventhough i still know that He will Test accordingly to how much we can put up.

because i think i am very weak. reading my dearest friend's entry already left me crying so much. sometimes i wonder, will we end up being stronger? in iman and taqwa? i pray she would. i pray that everybody would. 

sometimes, i write things like this in here, not just to remind others out there, but to strengthen my own beliefs. beliefs like; hidup ni sementara...ujian akan selalu ada...reminders.reminders. there are so many. and listening from others and sharing with others are the only ways to help strengthen ourselves in this very short lives that we have. 

wallahua'lam.