written on: 2nd of april 2011
attended the other thing, cuz i cudnt attend the
thing that i wanted to.
and here's what i felt. *in malay + english. it's hard
to explain just in one language.
im not a good poet nor a good penyajak.
im standing here.
im here, and they are there.
but despite being here,
i still look both ways. always have. and always will.
when i look there;
melihat kerenah orang.
mendengar cemuhan orang.
memikirkan apa yang difikirkan orang.
what did they see?
what did they hear?
what did they do to them?
that makes them so angry.
that makes them so annoyed.
that makes them so irritated.
because i kept hearing the same thing.
being repeated. over. over. and over again.
am i the only one who cant see what they saw?
am i the only one who cant hear what they heard?
selfish. ego. angkuh. sombong. superior. fanatik.
those words were being repeated over and over again.
judge on your own, which category will these words fall into.
encouraging words? or the other?
and then i look here,
no words were uttered;
not a word to deny the things being said.
not a word to even defend themselves;
let alone to say those hatred words back.
when i think back;
i still dont see the things that they are seeing.
i still dont hear the things that they are hearing.
i see no selfishness. i see no fakeness.
i see no angkuh, sombong, ego, superiority etc.
all i see is everyone pushing everyone else forward.
i feel no hatred.
i feel no dendam.
i have no judgements.
i like what im doing. i like what they are doing too.
we're here. and they are there.
and i know the aim is all the same,
to gain his Redha, and His Love.
so why the hatred? why the anger?
but i guess im not that knowledgeable enough
to have much say in this.
thus, silence is the best remedy.
a tinyyy part of my heart cant help it.
to feel a bit sad when people are angry for reasons i cant even see.
coretan hati yang mungkin orang faham,
mungkin orang tak faham, tapi Dia konfem faham.