Doa, as He Watches Over.

guilt.was the first thing that crosses my mind when i read and watched all the news surrounding my brothers and sisters. 

guilt. for i am one who rarely read the news of what's happening all around. and as i happily came back from an event with fellow friends, at a beautiful place, with great people, with nothing to worry about; i was dragged back down to reality, that in another part of the world, other friends; OUR brothers and sisters; are being scared for their lives. too different. here and there. 

panicked. was the next thing i felt. for two people crossed my mind lastnight. a dear friend, and my bestfriend's sister. one is in Cairo, another in Mansoura. desperate to know where they are. but alhamdulillah, i found out both are safely back in Malaysia. but how about thousands more out there? ya Allah, watch over them. i can only imagine the feelings of those who have family and friends there. Fathiyyah still have hundreds of friends she's worried of right now. Fatin's cousin is still there. :'(

the news are too scary. gunshots everywhere. not enough food. no money. darkness all around. again, i can't imagine.

alhamdulillah. now, evacuation is in action. still, there are problems with evacuating students according to their study-fields. private students are left behind on their own. is it true , or just rumors? pening. :( praying that everything goes accordingly and nobody will be left out. ya Allah, watch over them.  

dear readers, do our part. spread the words. stop spreading angers. i believe everybody is doing their best. and we should do ours too. pray for them. banyakkan Doa. banyakkan solat hajat. Allah is Watching Over them, insyaAllah. 

**life is not just about us.

links for updates:

http://krisismesirnasibrakyatkita.blogspot.com/
http://english.aljazeera.net/watch_now/

a step further

i miss blogging so much right now ^^,

anyways. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. again, it's a kalimah that i think should be constantly repeated by us, for the things that are always coming our way. the fact that we have all these overflowing nikmat in our lives, and still not doing enough to show our thankfulness to Him; should constantly be reminded of. the Time is always running out, so how fast are we running towards Him? huhuuu

He has been Giving a lot lately; to me, to my family, to friends. alhamdulillah. *told you it's never enough*

first off, hoping for prayers from everyone, in the new phase that my beloved kakak is facing. motherhood. alhamdulillah she's expecting a lil one this summer. and i think most of us in the family are being paranoid. hehe. a looot of No's to this and that. sorry kakak. your sister is not doctor-enough to give you good advices. cuz everytime i read things in any of my textbooks, i ended up being paranoid. lol. on a lighter note, i am currently experimenting with the new names that i shall have. (we all will) should it be aunty yan? aunty chik? yanyan? (as kakak proposed =,='). huhu. i am so happy with the new phases. praying that everything will go well insyaAllah. whatever comes our way, im praying that they are always for the best insyaAllah.

to kakak: never forget to say Alhamdulillah ok?

next, it's my abe, afnan ariff. He has been working so hard for the past years, and im not sure if he knew this, but i have always been proud of him. even before the latest incident. Unknowingly to him, he had taught me that whatever the things you do, interest plays a major role. and the things we talk about last summer, i'm happy and glad to know that he'll keep his feet on the ground. quoting more or less what he said, "benda lagi penting is akaun akhirat." you've worked hard, and you definitely deserves it. im so proud of you abe. ps: im praying for the best in the new phase and responsibilities that you'll be facing this summer too. whatever it is, Allah is always with us insyaAllah.

to abe: never forget to say Alhamdulillah ok?

abah and mama and baby lin (soon to be aunty too. aaaa...can we call her aunty baby?) well, they have always brighten my days with just a phone call away. Alhamdulillah. thank You for giving me them. they had always supported me, and the questions they ask of me in every phone-calls always remind me of the huge support that i have back home. be it for my studies, but most importantly in being a better muslimah. i love you so much abah, mama, kakak, abe & lin.

and last but not least, i thank my sisters, the Mukhlisin (heheh, just got the official name last night) and many more out there. it felt like i had taken a step further in this race towards Him. i know some are already way ahead of me, and some are gasping like me, but thank you sisters, for always holding our hands and supporting us all along the way. (pardon me for being a bit melancholic and full of cheesy analogies). through all of you, He showed me how great Islam is.

and as for me, *the snail-like me*, i had made some mistakes, but i am still grateful for the fact that He put the feelings of guilt in whatever things i do wrong, instead of leaving me unrepentant and oblivious to the mistakes i made. and im also grateful, for this not-so-big urge that i have inside of me, to make some bigger changes in my life. i pray that He will keep this urge, and make it stronger please? whatever it is, thank You for Giving me the 'feet', to take a step further. :)

verse of the day: [2:148]

"Dan setiap umat mempunyai kiblat yang dia menghadap kepadanya.

Maka berlumba-lumbalah kamu dalam kebaikan.

Di mana saja kamu berada, pasti Allah akan Mengumpulkan kamu semuanya.

Sungguh, Allah Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu."

by the prodiqy of deviantart 

a trip

*im writing this, cause it scares me. im writing cause im hoping that there are people out there who would pray for me. im writing cause if there are people who are in the same boat as mine, would pray with me and we will change for the better together. insyaAllah.*

have you ever felt the nagging feeling, that you're doing something wrong, but you couldn't quite put a finger on what it is. i think i had. for the past few weeks, i felt it.

i had my winter trip for the past 2 weeks. with friends who i adore; and i thoroughly enjoyed my time with them. we were walking along the places that many people wants to be at; we ate seafood at a port in barcelona. we went to a Zara shop in morocco. we ate camel tagine and many different kinds of tagines for the 8 days we had in morocco. we tried all the banana milkshakes in different kinds of restaurants just to compare which one is the best. we watched the beautiful sunset in agadir. we stroll around the market in Marrakesh, buying shawls for our mothers, jubah solat for our Dads, and jilbab for ourselves.

interesting? lucky? total fun? this would be the things others would think of seeing the things we did. listing the things i'd done always left me in awe, of how much Allah is giving me. all sorts of nikmat. i had fun. seriously, i did. the places were so nice. the friends i was with were totally fun. 

But there were times, in between the videos we take, the pictures snapped, the meals we ate, the sights we were seeing, the jokes we made; 

There were times, 

when i felt helpless. 

i felt choked.

when a thought strikes me over and over again; one day, i'll be asked. of the things i did there. the food i ate. the sights i've seen. the jokes i made. i will be asked about it won't i? the real question will be, was i doing it all for Him? or not...

of course there are times, when before we eat we say our prayers. when we were at the beach, subhanallah was the word that came out when we watched the beautiful sunset. we DO realize that Allah has given us so much. but deep down, i know it's not enough. thus, i felt helpless, choked, scared.

i felt desperate. i felt i was far from Him. too far. and the fun that im having is definitely not helping. and what's worse, i felt like a hypocrite. i've been writing in here, reminding myself and reminding others. but outside, am i living up to the reminders that im giving? astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. what ARE you doing yan? 

in the midst of my confusion, i sent a message to a friend of mine. a short desperate one. i told her i felt that im too far. alhamdulillah. her reply somewhat soothes me. and left me thinking deep.

Dan (juga) orang-orang yang apabila mengerjakan perbuatan keji atau menganiaya diri sendiri, mereka ingat akan Allah, lalu memohon ampun terhadap dosa mereka--dan siapa lagi yang dapat mengampuni dosa selain dari pada Allah? Dan mereka tidak meneruskan perbuatan kejinya itu, sedang mereka mengetahui.

(QS. 3:135)

"kita ingatkan , bila buat salah , lari. itulah fitrah. rupanya tak yan. fitrah manusia, akan kembali pada kasih sayangNya.... mcm Allah kata dalam ayat atas 135, bila buat salah, mereka segera ingat pada Allah. pada sape lagi nak g kalau bukan pada Dia. betul kan? biarlah org kata kita hipokrit, bila buat salah, pg jumpa tuhan."

jazakillah sister. through you, He Reminds me again of the most basic thing.

when i felt that im far, the only way was to look for Him back. not to stop what im doing just because im worried that im becoming a hypocrite, but just to ask of Him for help. cause He Always Knows what's in my head. He is always Listening whenever im sad. ashamed? embarrassed for the things that i did? well, i should be. but it'd be more stupid if i turn away from Him just because i felt ashamed.

the other night, in agadir, i was done with my Isyak prayers, and i lifted my hands to pray. at that moment, i was so grateful, of Him being the Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang, Maha Mendengar. cuz i felt comforted. despite worrying that there are so many wrong things i've done, so many things that i have neglected, He is still there. and all i need to do was look for Him.

to You:

thank You, for not leaving me. 

despite how hampeh i've been as an abid. :')

ps: this entry might not be understood much. for it's one of those entries that i write to lift the burden off. to readers, again, im hoping for your prayers, for the weak me to be stronger insyaAllah. jzkk.

at a port in Barcelona. it was beautiful. :)

gazing at the sun with the nice chilly wind. 

the ray of light was too beautiful. 

sunset in Agadir. you can watch this everyday ^^,

Alhamdulillah for everything.