living up to it

*ugh..tade harapan nak dapat baby comel mcm ni..*

It brought a smile on my face as i realized that my parents had come up with a name for me, accordingly to how Rasulullah SAW himself describes us, Hawa; 

"Dunia ini adalah perhiasan, 

dan sebaik-baik perhiasan adalah wanita solehah" 

(HR Muslim)

and today i am the proud owner of a short and simple name, with a very big meaning behind it. my name is Izyan. which means perhiasan. And yet very deep in my heart there's a slight uneasiness, as i wonder am i nowhere near the definition of my own name? does having a name with the meaning makes me anywhere close to the one that Rasulullah SAW defines? of course NO, yan..=(

Most us girls knew this hadith by heart (still not able to use women instead of girls. still in denial that im approaching 21 maybe *wink*) Well, even if some don't actually know that it's a hadith, they would surely heard it from someone somewhere. But when mentioning the word perhiasan, does everybody knows how it is defined? Rasulullah didn't say "sebaik-baik perhiasan adalah wanita" but he said "wanita solehah". A small addition but with a big distinction.

For he knows that we might agree to the statement, that wanita adalah perhiasan dunia. Generally having a soothing effect on everybody around them, i.e our mothers, our grandmas etc. But there are those too who would think of the statement as; being cantik, hot, super-skinny, fair-skinned, cun are what makes women the dunia's ornament. 

How wrong we are. For being one, there's a lot of things you need to be, before you can even be considered as one. By who? definitely not by the people around you. But by our Creator, our Al-Khaaliq, our Al-Musawwir. For i believe that people can judge you as one or not, by relatively comparing us to the listed keperibadian: taat kepada Allah & RasulNya, berdiam di rumah, tidak bertabarruj, menjaga anggota tubuhnya dari berbuat maksiat, taat kepada suami dan bertanggung jawab sebagai anak, isteri dan ibu; menjaga amalan-amalan sunnah, bersikap qanaah, penyabar, menjadi penerang bagi wanita lain; and the list goes on. But only Allah Knows whether you are one or not.

To me, judging and knowing are two different things. All of those criteria are what makes one a wanita solehah, but those are more on how others perceive you aint it? not to say that you dont need to fit into all those criteria, mind you, they are vital. But i think, at the end of the day, what matters most is how Allah sees you, coz only He Knows who we are truthfully. 

i've read the list over and over again, and with every word i am feeling insignificant and reduced to a size of my pinky finger right now, seeing how far i am from all those criteria. BUT!! whatever. i may be reduced to a size of a pulp, but it won't dampen my spirit. 

I'm gonna try and be one. 

even if i cant, well at least  let me die trying.

ps: not having a name with the meaning of perhiasan doesnt mean you cant try to be one too. (",)

note to self:

my name is izyan

which means perhiasan

and im gonna live up to it

insyaAllah

ragu-ragu?

dedicated to those yang ragu-ragu..

sometimes

you just have to make decisions that might hurt others

emotionally that is..

but if your decisions are helping you AND them be in His Path

then there is no need for you to feel sorry nor guilty..

at least,

that's how I feel.

the guilt do come sometimes..

whatever

cuz it's Mr Merah's doings for all i know.

*for those who dont get it yet. Mr Merah = Mr Devil*

but most of the time

i just feel lightness in the heart

and strength too

and to me they are all blessings from Him

thus,

i leave it to You ya Allah

to Guide me in any decisions that i'll be making 

in this very very veryyy short life of mine..

boleh kan? boleh kan?

insyaAllah (",)

note to readers: this post is meant for all kinds of decisions okay. not just the one in the picture...heheh

cinta.pahit

*sob2*

i fell in love with the story line

(kalah sume drama korea)

cinta

anugerah Allah

cinta

kerana Allah

it's what matters most

insyaAllah

(",)

bitter.love part 1 from Abu Malik on Vimeo.

do it the right way, and He'll Give you the best cinta of all (",)

*video taken from AtapHijau*

ape gune otak?

i found this quote somewhere in the web.

but i dont think it would be as heavy,

should we use it accordingly

after all, it IS a gift from Him..^,^

so ape gune otak?? *nada memberontak*

untuk berfikir lah..

hehe

once in a while, feel like posting a mean title..

but no worries, my post is not as blunt as the title might seem..*wink*

again. today ill be retrospecting in public.

feel free to join me in this 'public muhasabah'.

A note to my future self (",)

Dear future self,

hopefully by this time you have finished doing 

what you have promised yourself to do..

If im not mistaken,

you promised this more than a few times before..

but i guess sometimes memang kene dengar ugutan + cabaran pedas 

from someone like ustaz salam

baru la nak start bergerak kan?

*tipah palo sket* 

Dear future self,

hopefully you have proved your present-self wrong.

that you are not someone with a bad memory..

even though it is usually one of your excuses whenever you get low marks.

"hm..mmg la fulan bin fulan score.die mmg otak menghafal"

*yan in denial and consoling oneself mode*

Cuz truthfully yan,if you dont have a good memory,

how come you still remember all the songs that you sang 10 years back?

how come you remember all those guitar chords you learned with abah?

tak ingat lyrics? maybe. tapi melody sure ingat kan?

Dear future self,

if you can remember all those songs..

if you can remember all those movies..

if you can remember all those dramas..

why cant you remember a small collection of hadith?
40 je hadith tu..tak suruh bukak Riyadhus Solihin lagi

ke nak kene tunggu ustaz salam tanye depan2..

"awak ni syg Rasulullah ke tak?"

adui...pedas..so sorry to sister s******h yang duduk depan aritu

*naseb baek duduk line tepi.haha*

still, semua terase kan hari tu? well, at least someone like me does.

i may have come across all of those hadith 

during my schooling and prepping years,

but usually i dont even know that they're from a collection of hadith.

so to my future self,

please make your present self happy,

proving that what she believes in is true,

that her future self will be able to do what she promised herself

*or at least die trying!*

o0 theEnd 0o

ps: to all those yang da hafaz *bukan hafal je* hadith 40, 

percayalah..my present self is very much jealous.

but insyaAllah my future self wont be..

insyaAllah..

(",)

growing Up

as i grow up

the understanding gets deeper

and more decisions have to be made

and harder actions need to be taken...

*sigh*

it's hard

but i will always have You to Guide me

insyaAllah

"i would like to make the point that we cannot undo the past but we can learn from it, and we cannot predict the future but we can shape it and build it."

-Epeli Ganilau-