mind rant #10

sekejap takut.

sekejap tenang.

sekejap kalut.

sekejap tak kisah.

sekejap gembira.

sekejap murung.

sekejap cuma.

feelings.

they never lasts.

********

was drowning myself in notes, when this song started playing from my 'Study Playlist'.

i stopped. 

wishing that i'm at a beach somewhere listening to this.

with no one else but Him. 

click here to listen :)

if only. :)

pray for me and friends out here.

semoga ilmu diberkati.

semoga masa diberkati.

semoga usaha diberkati.

and here is one of my faves for the night:

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Ya Allah, janganlah Engkau biarkan nasib kami ditentukan diri kami sendiri, 
walau sekadar sekelip mata
atau sekadar masa yang lebih pendek dari itu.

Aamiin.
:)

A Simple Life

linked

Question:  A 78-year-old lady fell. Complaining of wrist pain and hip pain. what's my initial management? 

hmm..take a break kejap. i'll deal with you later ye Nenek? :)

*****

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

I love Fridays. Friday is always a good day for everyone. coming back home from the hospital with a very light heart; despite having to cycle in the cold winter night, showers of rain drenching me from top to bottom. no sir, it's definitely not difficult at all. because it's Friday. and tomorrow is the weekend. all is well. i will savor every moment; and the rain and freezing wind are not stopping the smile on my face as i cycled my way back to the comfort of home.

I love Fridays. because when i'm home, i'd usually do all the simple things that i couldn't really do during the weekdays. going to the kitchen, instead of eating to fill my tummy just for the sake of keeping it from grumbling, i'd spent a little more time with the cooking. i'd be able to do my laundry happily. lipat kain while listening to my favourite songs. plucking the guitar a bit for a good 10 minutes. vacuuming my room, and even the friend's room next door just because i have the time! life is bliss~~

I love Fridays. for being able to do all those stuff, care-free. and strangely i will always have the same thoughts when i'm doing all these, if only life was this simple. if only this is all i should worry about everyday. fulfilling some basic needs. cooking food. cleaning the house. doing the laundry.

******

i guess, once, people used to live like this. zaman atok-atok and nenek-nenek kita. Mama would sometimes tell me the stories of her grandmother. arwah Mok (that was what she was called, if i'm not mistaken). she was one very faithful wife. a typical classic gadis-Melayu zaman dahulu whenever i imagined it. arwah Mok was married to a very high-tempered man. yet, despite him being all scary at times, arwah Mok would always stay by his side quietly; and that somehow calms him down. and she was one who'd prepare food and wait by his side till he finished eating. and this is just one of those stories of the many atok-atok and nenek-nenek back then. 

similar stories came from both my late grand-dads too. where the men of the family, would have jobs that need them to travel here and there, and so the women of the family stays home with the children. making sure they eat well, never missed a prayer, go to Quran classes, and study hard. when the Atok came back home, the Nenek will focus more on Atok for a while. making sure he eats well, rest well, before he heads off for his job again. :)

comel kan?

if only we have this modest life. where albeit the simplicity, responsibilities towards the family are still fulfilled. and responsibilities as His Hamba are also fulfilled; the man would still learn about the Deen at the local masjid, whereas women at home would teach the children how to pray, how to fast, how to read the Quran etc.

*******

but that was then. this is now. where the world has become much more scarier than before. where jahiliyyah is being organized in the best of ways, to seep through our minds and our hearts ever so subtly without us even realizing it. Ghazwul Fikr as many would call it; which means "Serangan Pemikiran". i'm no expert at explaining this, but i know enough that this is what is taking place right now. 

and i guess that simple life that i sometimes wish for is not the best option for today's society. when everyone around us, most if not all, are no longer with Islam despite claiming ourselves as Muslim. We call Islam as our 'way of life' every so often, but we never really adhere to it's rules in our lives. when our thoughts and actions are no longer aligned to what is right in Allah's Sight, but what is accepted by the society. and sadly, looking around, we are definitely not living in the best of society. =,='' and what's worse, we can easily fall into the trap too. naudzubillah.

we are living in a war really. chosen ones are facing more real wars like the ones in Palestine, in Gaza, in Syria, in Burma etc. but we are facing our own kinds of wars. war against the deteriorating society, war against the people who are calling others away from our Deen, war against the Syaitoon who will never stop till the Day of Judgement, and most importantly a war against ourselves. from our own nafs. from our own ill-hearts. 

so simple life, i guess i will keep you as one of my dreams for now.

i'm sure that simple life will come one day, if Allah Wills it; 

if it's not in this lifetime,

i pray that it comes in the HereAfter.

which is definitely in Sorga Kekal Abadi :)

*********

back to striving to be a doctor now, yan. at least it's one of the many ways to reach out for the ummah. so Puan Nenek with wrist and hip pain, i think i'd start with the ABC first; airway, breathing and circulation alright? *wink*

*********

mohon doa.

to me, to you, to everyone.

that whatever the path that we are taking,

no matter how difficult it is, it is done Lillahi Taala;

and let's aim for Jannah shall we? 

“Berangkatlah kamu baik dalam keadaan merasa ringan atau berat. 

Dan berjihadlah dengan harta dan dirimu di jalan Allah.” 

(At-Taubah: 41)

*as always, easier said than done.*

yours truly, 

a very, very, very hampeh girl. :(

mind rant #9

this will be a real one. i'll let words flow out of my congested brain.

**Demi Masa**

it's amazing how time is just another 'makhluk'. something that lives, something that exists with us. and it has never yet change it's ultimate purpose; which is to leave us behind. to never wait nor stop. and we, the one at fault, will always find ourselves chasing time. Allahu Allah. letih. i've always ended up with the same conclusion over and over again. "i wish i had more time."

to call abah and mama. 

to make a decision. 

to study hard. 

to read the Quran. 

to choose wisely. 

to blog and to remind! 

to do something i enjoy.

to do anything i want, for as long as i want.

without the guilt. without the pressure.

but that's not how Time works. and it's scary really. to think that we are accountable for all the time spent. and for all the time wasted. if we think of it that way then maybe having a lot of time is not such a good thing huh?

**Uncertainty**

i find it very interesting, that Allah put me in a state of uncertainty, and yet, throws so many certain things my way; knowing that i can never really choose them. 

they say that for every situations that Allah put us in, it is because Allah wants to build our akhlak inside. i was initially wondering what Allah wanted to 'plant' in me. then finally the answer came, it was sabar.  and i guess when this uncertainty ends, it will definitely change to something else later on. oh well, i just hope i reach His Expectations. semoga menjadi hamba yang lebih sabar. Aamiin. :)

**Redha**

we all know that the ultimate aim in life is to seek His Redha. we all are seekers of His Redha. and interestingly, one of the path involves us doing the same thing; redha dengan ketetapan Allah. and how do this actually works? some said it's when we accept whatever our fates are. menerima Qada' dan Qadar. 

and looking around me, i guess i'm learning a thing or two about this;

that Redha is not just through words; "Aku Redha."

it's when our amal and our hearts are. 

**Bimbang**

gembira; friends are graduating kiri dan kanan; and thus those wedding invitations are following closely behind. it's that time of the year again :) Alhamdulillah~ (and oh, sedikit jealous.heheh)

but as the common saying goes: "grass is always greener on the other side."

dan akhirnya saya bimbang;

seeing others being caught up with friends who are getting married. when they are no longer seeing things beyond. moping around that they are not married, while others are. and seeing marriage as just another solution for a problem that we have; of being lonely and takut jadi andartu. hadoy. =,=''

focusing on marriage as if it's the only source of Chenta in this world;

marriage is not a solution,

it's a responsibility.

menjadi isteri yang taat; 

rather simply said, but definitely not an easy task.

we all are ready for the white weddings, the bouquets, the hantaran, the flower girls etc.

but are we really ready for all the other things?

the small bickering in the future;

the smelly clothes he threw your way;

the broken kitchen sink that is still not fixed;

the day that he forgot your own anniversary;

the day you're so sad you just want a hug, and all he does is watch football.

how sure are we that we can handle all these in the most appropriate-'isteri-yang-taat' way?

tepuk dada, tanya iman. :)

**Doa**

it's the best feeling in the world. knowing that there is Allah;

who listens to every word you say;

who understand every feelings you feel;

who can solve every single problems that you have;

who Knows what is best for you, and what is not.

tak cukup lagi kah?

**********

end of mind rant.

reminders to self first and foremost insyaAllah.

ps: i've been busy. :P

mohon doa. that Allah Eases my path.

jazakumullah~ :)

of Plastics, Pain, and Prayers.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

linked

last week, i've been attached to the Plastic Surgery team back in Vincent't Hospital. and like all the other surgery rotations that we are in, we sort of need to get the Consultant's signature before the end of the 5-days rotation we have with the team. after occasionally tagging along with the team, me and my team-mates decided to get the signature on Thursday. 

our plan? we would have an hour of hand-teaching (basically just one of the Reg giving a presentation on case studies about hand surgeries). and we decided to follow one of the consultant's clinic which might take about 2 hours or so, get the signature, and off to study on our own! 

so the whole morning, we were divided into 2's and 3's, we took the patients in, took their histories on our own (basically asking them questions related to what brings them in to the hospital etc), examine them, and then present those cases to the consultant, and follow him again to meet the patient and listen to how the management for those patients work. 

all was going well and our tummies were all making weird noises as it was nearing lunch-break. we were giddy to get it all over and done with, until we got the bummer news; the Consultant just left. and thus, we all had to come down to the 2nd Consultant's clinic session that afternoon. and amazingly, the same thing happened again. the Consultant went to the theater when the clinic was about to finish. so we all went through the final Consultant's outpatient session, only to have him left us at the last minutes as well. hadoy. so the plan didn't work, and we all waited for the kind Registrar to sign us off instead.

*************

my take on this? Allah sure does wants to get our intention right no? i realized that my aim that day was solely to get the signature, that i guess He might just want to clean it off. heh. hambek kau 8.00am-3.30pm clinic straight!! i guess that's why they say we have to always renew our intentions. it easily changes from time to time, turning the things that we do into pure useless things, instead of an ibadah. 

Lillahitaala. 

rather simple to say, but hard to do, kan?

***********

but most importantly, there was something that i gained in the whole hours i spent in the clinics that day. i get to see so many different patients, coming in with so many reasons (plastic based though). some had mastectomy due to breast cancer, some had skin cancer on their nose and the list goes on. when you talk to them, you just cant deny that behind all those spoken words, they are all scared. or they have been scared for the ordeals that they were in; and still are.

not being able to use their hands. they cant work. they have to turn down jobs.

they've just finished a surgery, and they are very much in pain after running out of meds,

yet they don't know which painkillers can they take?

their fingers are swelling up, and it's starting to get painful, 

and now they know that the only option is cutting them off. 

and there i was, just a medical student listening to all of them, writing things down, as if they are all part of the things i read from the medical books. but no, it's different. these are the real people. those who have to live with the things that i read. and unlike me, who can just flip the pages and forget about the pain, the bleeding, or the amputations; they can't. the pain are still there. the bleeding is not stopping. they have to live with their physical limitation. 

every other moment, when i was sitting behind the doctor, and listening to them talking to the patients, or even when i am talking to the patients, there are a lot of things i wish i could say to them. 

Sabar.

Ni ujian dari Allah.

InsyaAllah Dia permudahkan.

Allah ada.

but ottoke (what can i do)? they are not Muslims. and i am just a Malaysian medical student, standing there behind those doctors. so i am left with the only thing that i can do then, to make Dua. praying that with every ordeal that Allah gave them, would somehow lead them a little bit closer to the biggest nikmat that we all have; hidayah dari Allah s.w.t. may their hearts be opened; to nikmat Iman; nikmat Islam. nikmat of knowing that we have Allah by our side. 

so thank you Plastics rotation, even if i still have a lot to read about Plastics and those 5-days is definitely not enough, i definitely learn one thing. for every pain that i see in others, i will definitely make Du'a for them. biidznillah, this is my promise. 

Imam An Nawawi menyatakan dalam Al Adzkar (hal. 511), *linked*

"Akan tetapi dibolehkan berdoa untuknya (orang kafir), 

agar memperoleh hidayah, 

kesihatan badan, dan afiyat, 

atau sejenisnya."

wallahua'lam.

*********

#luahan.tade.kaitan#

puting everything to a halt for now. 

only to know that by the end of this, i need to choose, and make a decision.

funny how things always come when you don't want them to. 

i guess that's why it's called Tarbiyyah.

you will learn a thing or two. definitely.

*heads up yan!*

my cutie pie

before i came back to Dublin the other day;

i was flipping through her album when she was small;

and i realized  that for a baby girl, she sure does smile a whole lot! 

showing her jagged teeth that we used to call 'popcorn' hahah :)

today she's already 16.

*time flies*

grow up beautifully sayang.

be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend;

a good muslimah.

you're always in kak yan's doa.

ps: and you'll always be our Baby Lin.

*big bearly hugs and wet drooling kisses mwahaha*

Expecting Perfection

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

disclaimer: i've been meaning to write about this the last few weeks, but i've lost my 'feel' to write. huhu~ but i'll make it work tonight. *wink*

linked

Expectation is the root of all heartache. 

William Shakespeare

*********

Expectant. not the preggy beautiful mommies; i'm referring to us. those who are always expectant for anything that we're facing in our daily lives, from the smallest of things, to the biggest of issues. we, sadly enough, expect too much from others.

expecting that pakcik canteen to give us extra food.

expecting our team-mates to cooperate with us.

expecting friends to be there for us exactly when we need them.

expecting people to treat us nicely at all times.

expecting to be loved back by someone we love.

expecting relationships to last forever and ever and ever.

expecting him to be romantic all the time.

expecting that we will be beautifully skinny with our latest diet plan.

expecting that we would ace those papers with our studies.

basically;

expecting perfection. 

is being expectant wrong? no, i'm not saying it is, because being expectant does leads you to achieve some things in life. for example, you would expect that by doing things this way and that way, you would most probably reach your goal. nothing really is an issue here. it's a normal thing.

it's being expectant to others, that is; at least in my humble opinion; the real source of the problems that we have nowadays. so many people are expecting too much from others, that they ended up being hurt, sad, depressed, frustrated, tension bagai nak rak, whenever those expectations failed. why? because for each expectations we put on others, we would rarely make room for any failure. unlike those expectations that we put on ourselves. sungguh tak adil kan?

and thus, here's my two-cents for the day; that we should all train ourselves not to expect too much from others; because everybody and everything has their imperfections. things are always bound to not work like how we want it to. so give others and ourselves a break; from all those unnecessary expectations, unnecessary pressure, and unnecessary broken hearts. work things out as much as you can, according to Allah's Rules; and yet don't expect that things will end up beautifully just because you are already doing them acoording to Allah's way, because in the end, things will always work out according to His Plans; and it's always the best possible way. insyaAllah.

accept that we are just an Imperfect Being,

who should stop expecting Perfection from others.

and the most important reminder of all;

“Katakanlah: 
Dialah Allah Yang Maha Esa, Allah adalah 

ash-Shamad 

(Penguasa Yang Maha Sempurna 

dan bergantung kepada-Nya segala sesuatu)”

(112:1-2)

23: the Receiving End

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

it's just another post bercerita. hope it benefits, one way or another :)

i can't deny that being able to read back on old posts of my birthdays somewhat is a blessing. cause i get to see and read back on what i have done, what i have received, and what my thoughts were back then. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. it's another year gone by for me; my 23rd year of living. but only a few years of truly knowing what life is about. so i guess i still have a long list of things i need to make up to, within Allah-Knows how much years i have left. (or hours/minutes/seconds?? huhu)

so as always, i'd find myself reading back my old posts i've written on my birthdays; some made me cringed. *i can be cheesy at times.heh* but in all 3 of them (i started this blog when i was 19), one thing i found in common, is that for every single birthday i had, it has always started with me being at the receiving end. 

and thus, this is what pushes me to do things a little differently this year. instead of the usual pura-pura-tak-tahu-dalam-bilik-and-tunggu-depan-facebook-sengih-tengok-well-wishes-pastu-pukul-12am-surely-housemates-masuk-bilik-bawak-cake-nyanyi-birthday, (which is something that still makes you smile from ear-to-ear no matter how typical it is.hehe) ; i wanted to start if off differently this year. hehe :) and so, i thought of starting off my special day with not being in the receiving end; which Alhamdulillah proves to make me happy just as much as the surprises i've had all the years before. 

*4 hours+ pulun kat dapuq. mwahaha. puas hati ku!*

lepas kenyang perut suka hati, it was way past midnight when i was back in my room. and i think it was the best time to pour my heart out with the start of my Day :)

thank You.

for the 23 years of living

for the 23 years of nikmat.

for the 23 years of happiness.

23 years of living; semoga dipanjangkan lagi in this road seeking for His Redha.

23 years of nikmat; semoga menjadi hamba yang lebih bersyukur.

23 years of wrongdoings; semoga diampunkan dosa-dosa, small or big, intentional or not.

23 years of ilmu; semoga diberkati, dan mampu tambahkan amal dan iman.

23 years have passed; how many are left? 

i dont know, but make the ones left as the ones that i am closest to You.

Aamiin ya Rabb.

(tolong Aamiinkan please?)

with بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

i want to start my new 'age' with some promises to make (and keep insyaAllah!);

 to be Hopeful; that He Grants me the best things in life; because He Knows, and i know not.

to be Happy; with whatever comes my way, because all things happen for a reason.

to be Thankful; of all things that i have gained in life, and stop looking at things i don't have.

to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good partner;

all in all; a good Muslimah; 

something that everybody wants kan?

and this prayer goes out to everyone else too insyaAllah.

may He Ease, this road that we all take, which is to go back to our Home, Jannah;

and to be able to meet our Creator. Aamiin :)

******************

ps. and more pictures to remind me of another awesome birthday i've had with beautiful people.
Alhamdulillah. 

had an early Bulatan Gembira with lastnight's dishes. and off to the City for Lunch! :)

omnomnom. all de produzt eez available at Queen of Tarts,
area Nyonya, depan Dublin Castle, Dublin. :)
i chose pancake. not really good with making choices ;)

filling myself with sweet stuff.huhu~
gifts and cards: and yes, they gave me one that says: to my Lovely Wife. *hadoy*
lastly. meet Mr Bubu!! i fell in love seeing it last year.
and finally a year later, Ika and Pika bought it for me!! hehehe :P
ps: i realized now that it's a frog. but im puting that fact aside and will sleep with it everynight still.

Alhamdulillah. for another beautiful day.

ending this with a beautiful quote:

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. 

We don't love to be loved; we love to love. 

Leo Buscaglia

Stop expecting. start Giving.

yours truly;

Birthday Girl. ;)