بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
another year passed since my last entry. i guess i've been trying to write for the longest of time, but never really had the chance to do so. so many things have happened and so many thoughts lingered that i wished i did pen down in here, but i didn't. sometimes (and very occasionally) i go through my old writings and find myself feeling glad that i put some of the things in my life in words. because, as much as i knew even back then, that what i wrote will eventually help or pushed my future self, or most importantly reminded me that, yes Yan, you went through that, Allah was with you all along. :) so here's to hoping for more writings and more reflections in the future.
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Time. i was reminded of how life is feeling like a race nowadays during my solat the other day. as i finished praying, still on my sajadah, i realized how poorly i've been praying lately. to think that you're entering your 30s and slowly realizing how your quality as an a'bid is actually declining with age. sounds bad huh?
supposedly, our life should be structured around our daily prayers. 5 times a day, and Allah placed them at the best time for us. but yet, as much as i hate to admit it, i found myself doing the opposite. my solat became rushed, because my mind is in a rush. Subuh time, you're thinking about going to work. Zuhur is always rushed in between seeing the never-ending patients at the clinic. When Asar comes, it's usually late in the evening when you reached home. Your thoughts are about making dinner at Maghrib, and Isya usually involves doing some extra work or planning for the day after, or just basically feeling totally spent for the day. and yes guys, i don't even have kids yet. i can only imagine the things other people have to fit in between those hours.
On that sajadah i felt;
sad.
guilty.
anger perhaps.
but then again, are these reasons enough for us to stray away from what and how our solat should be?
Definitely not.
so as hectic as our days can be, we have to always strive to do better. as much as i'm ashamed to write about my quality of solat, i am also very happy that Allah still reminds this very-much-lacking hamba that 'hey your solat is not that good now'!. and the answer also goes back to attaining khusyu' in solat. so many tips out there one can find. it's just a matter of doing it, and being istiqamah in doing them as well. may Allah helps us to not be rushed in our solat, but rushing towards standing before Him instead. insyaAllah.
May Allah guide me and everyone around me.
ending my entry with one of the strongest tips for a better solat:
“Remember death when you pray, for if a man remembers death when he prays, he will strive to make his prayer good. Pray the prayer of a man who does not think that he will ever pray another prayer, and beware of any matter that may require you to offer an apology.”
