Mind rant #22: Changing Me

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ


It's been a while hasn't it? I remembered how I used to promise myself that I just have to keep on writing and reminding, to keep my iman in check. But suffice to say I had too much holiday going on and classes haven't even started yet in this final leg of the race. (Yes, with Allah's will, supposedly I'm only 2 months away from being called a doctor. InsyaAllah. Pray for me and friends please?). Hence, I came with a somewhat solid conclusion of why writing has been extra hard this past 30 days: 

my lack of activity.

Like I said, I had a long holiday back home in Malaysia, spending most of my days at home doing nothing aside from being a faithful funny daughter (and bigger sister) to keep the house shining bright *cough*, but I wasn't able to do much of soul-searching stuff really. Yes, though the IKIM radio is kept on 24/7, and I did have serious talks with Abah or Mama now and then, something had gone amiss. Because I locked myself up in this comfort zone called home, I didn't really found anything or anyone to spark my self-reflect mode. Except perhaps the first 3 weeks i went back cause I was able to see people in the hospital. hence this post

And now despite the fact that I'm already physically in Dublin, classes hasn't even started yet. Well, truth be told we won't have much anyway since we're in our 'completion' mode. Most of our time would be filled with our own self-directed studying which I'm totally bad at. :( and thus, with this lack of activity, my time is spent with books and laptops/iPads and dramas (huhu) and I haven't seen other homosapiens that much yet. I can't wait for my sub-internship to start, really.

Anyhow, these all made me realise how important it is for us to live with others around us, because keeping to ourselves won't get us anywhere. I realised that most of the time, I will write down some random things in here because I have met someone or something that has triggered so many things inside of me: my thoughts, my perceptions, my emotions, my beliefs. And Alhamdulillah (all praises to Allah) these things are what had helped me to make whatever choices and decisions i have, to be a better hamba insyaAllah.

Talking about this somehow makes me see Medicine in a whole new light too. Which is the right boost for my finals insyaAllah. I don't think I can ever be someone who works with papers, computers or drawings; I need to see people. I need to meet people. Because seeing them changes who I am, little by little, for the better insyaAllah. So here's to hoping that I'll get to my dreams soon enough! And I humbly ask for your prayers for me and fellow friends who are on our way to DoctorHood. May Allah Ease. :)

And here's quoting a bestfriend of mine, Sang:

"Human being is the most complex system ever made.
The second one is the submarine."

I guess that's why I will forever be intertwining myself with other people, 
with the prayers that they will change me for the better, 
as much as I will for them.
*..aaand cause huge machines going into the ocean is not my kind of thing.*

إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ
إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

"Demi masa. Sesungguhnya manusia itu berada dalam kerugian.
kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan amal saleh dan nasihat-menasihati supaya mentaati kebenaran dan nasihat-menasihati supaya menetapi kesabaran."
[surah 103]

Semoga kita bukan dalam kerugian.
Aamiin. :)

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