mind rant #18: Last Post

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.... to end my 4th year of doing Medicine in Ireland insyaAllah. hehe. 

tomorrow we'll be officially starting the final exams for our Psychiatric rotation. and truth is, this is just me wanting some break in between my readings to keep me pumped up. cause having  the exam dates and the balik-Malaysia date so close together is not helping my concentration at all! i find my mind wanders off to the airport, the long-haul flights, eating with Ika at KLIA (we planned on going to eat everything at the airport in small amounts while waiting for our own flights to Kelate and Penang) and imagining myself walking down the airport in Kelate. i wonder who'd be there this time~ (last time i was home i had a whole bunch of cousins waiting for me. :)

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Father's Day

truth is, i haven't been one who celebrate things much. and i'm guessing everybody doesn't too. it's just the temptation of wishing "happy Father's Day" on facebook that got the better of us. anyhow, it was a happy occasion still, as well as a heart-warming one. some people do celebrate it wholeheartedly, what with the cakes and balloons and the cards. then there are those who dig into their treasure looking for an old picture with Mr  Dad; that's cute. and there are those who wished that their fathers are there; that brought me teary-eyed, upon realizing that a lot of my friends had lost this huge nikmat at such a young age. my prayers go to them and their late fathers; semoga roh ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang soleh. Al-fatihah.~

as for me? apparently i was on the phone on father's day, but since at that time i didn't know it was father's day, we chatted away of different things, as well as watching Airaa performing and showing me her belly-button :) nevertheless, father's day or not, i pray for you all the time Abah, and i'm working hard to be your best daughter always, i promise. :)

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Mama

so kakak's birthday passed a while back, on 12th of June. I called her, asking what she did back home. She was still in Kelate on her maternity leave, so Abe Ammar came back for the weekend to celebrate her birthday. I thought they did something, but kakak told me she bought a cake for mama instead:

"i think birthdays should celebrate the moms instead. 

thank you for giving birth to me. 

thank you for not giving up on that delivery table."

*well, her words are much more hilarious being the joker she is. but i have to tone it down in here. heh*

but her point gets to me. she's right. birthdays should celebrate the moms. i guess kakak realized it now that she has two of her own. and we may as well realize it now. next time, i'm gonna pick up the phone on my birthday and instead of waiting for them to wish me a happy birthday, i'd say thank you instead. oh, and kakak and me are planning on sending mama off to Che (our grandma) on her birthday this 25th. and then we'll buy her cakes. :P

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oh here's a cute video of Mufti Ismail Menk. apparently i have always heard of him, but for some reason i have never watch any of his talks/videos. and finally i did a few days back and he was so hilarious in his talks; points delivered is a given. i think i have a thing for witty talks. :)

whenever i did video calls, i found that my parents will talk a lot less compared to when i phoned them. then i realized that they were too happy watching my face rather than talking to me. so i guess it rings true with what Mufti Ismail said in the video; we might think it's nothing really, calling our parents or skyping with them; but it means a lot to them and it really does make them happy. cause despite my messy hair, huge puffy cheeks, 5cm eye-bags, red nose, wearing old sweatshirts over me, basically eerily-looking; but if i smile, Abah and Mama would always say the same thing: "comel anak abah/mama ni." *sobs* now, that's what i call true love. T_T

******

presentation is tomorrow;

MCQ exam on Thursday;

OSCEs on Friday;

flight home on Sunday;

safely in my parent's hugs by Monday;

insyaAllah,

i pray Allah ease everything, Aamiin. :)

happy summer holidays people!

may Allah bless all our time spent, Aamiin ;)

Look and See

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It's a dangerous world we are living in.

when we look at so many things,

yet we see so little.

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Now and again, i get friends showing me pictures from Instagram. Look at her beautiful wedding dress! Look at his beautiful wife! Look at her white flawless glowy skin! Look at her baby's shirts, it's Burberry! Look at their new house, it's at somewhere-awesome-i-cant-even-tell! Look at her new bags, it's that $9k Gucci/Prada/LV! Look at their honeymoon pictures, they are so sweet!

look. 

look. 

look. 

it's so easy for us to look into someone else's lives nowadays, as much as it is easy for others to look into ours. It's scary how naturally we'd do things that we wouldn't think of years back. have we imagined ourselves snapping pictures of food before we eat? or coming back home to just naturally comment on our day, not to our roommates, but to the computer instead. it's interesting. i didn't imagine i'd be one of them, but sadly, somehow somewhere along the way, i did. ~haih~

back to the instagram thingy. i guess my reactions to those kinds of things differ everytime. sometimes i forget too. looking at the pictures is okay. commenting on how pretty whatever it is that we see, is still okay. but the saddest thing one can do when looking at pictures of others are when words like these are uttered:

"bestnya hidup dia"

"nak macam tu jugak"

"untungnya dia"

"perfectnya life dia"

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AllahuAllah 

=,=''

i don't know about guys, but these are what girls utter most of the time. when we look into other's lives so much that we fail to appreciate what we have, to see what we have. we are so into those expensive things others have that we forget that we have the most expensive thing of all, our parents by our side, our family who loves us unconditionally. we look so much at others wearing all those pretty transparent dresses, with the pretty accessories that we forget that we have the best accessory of all, our hijabs covering us up. and at times, i wondered at how little we guard our heart, when we look too much at things, that we fail to see which are sins and which are not.

sometimes i just wish i could slap some senses into people who are looking up at others too much. looking at things that others have - the expensive, the pretty, the awesome- things they don't have, things they wish they have. but guess what;

the most important things in life aren't things.

it scares me of how shallow we all can be eventually, when we let ourselves in too deep, into this dangerous world. and what's more dangerous is that we don't even realize the things that we do, the changes that we are making; just because we are looking to much into Dunya, and seeing too little of the HereAfter. 

and the changes are evident, little by little;

bila stokin mula hilang

lengan mula terdedah

tudung mula singkat

baju mula ketat

dan hati mula keras. :(

Astaghfirullah.

Astaghfirullah.

Astaghfirullah.

Dear Allah, keep our gaze lowered,

from Dunya and all its lies.

to you and me;

stop looking. start seeing.

وَهُوَ الَّذِي أَنشَأَ لَكُمُ السَّمْعَ وَالْأَبْصَارَ وَالْأَفْئِدَةَ قَلِيلًا مَّا تَشْكُرُونَ

Dan Dialah yang telah menciptakan bagi kamu sekalian, 

pendengaran, penglihatan dan hati. 

Amat sedikitlah kamu bersyukur.

[23:78]

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wallahua'lam.