of Koyak, Strength and Khadijah (ra)

be warned: ini post cinta.yang panjang lagi membosankan.

apologies for all things cheezy. isk. =,=''

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seeing others finding their other halves, is like you watching cute babies. it makes you smile, when you see them smile. it's always a happy event. 

tapi, 

sometimes i ended up having mixed emotions instead. (ceh. nak cakap nak kawen jugak la tu) haha. no. that will not be my point for today. i've written about it once before. (read here) it's something that has been in and out of my thinking box for some while; just like a house-fly which is about to die, flying heavily and lazily around, buzzing in a distance. 

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marriage. one will always wish for the best of the other half. the perfect one. i guess Perfect really does exist, because like beauty, it lies within the eyes of the beholder. so in this testing and scary world, we want that Perfect half more than ever. to help us face Dunya, which is always trying to push our most valuable yet most vulnerable thing of all, down; which is our iman.

kalau dulu kat sekolah, i'd always have a soft spot for 'stok surau'; that's what they would call it back then. no, not that lovey-dovey soft spot (eventhough i do have my fair share of crushes that i'd like to leave them all behind darkly in the past =,='') most of the time it's just that sense of respect towards them. these young people who recite Quran so beautifully bila solat jemaah kat surau sekolah/college. these young people who wore kopiah/songkok, not caring about looking cool or not. these young people who don't mingle with girls much. these young people who talk about Deen more than football. these kinds of young people.

and with age, of course that soft spot has been softer. maksudnya, i want my other half to be one of them. one who tries his best in heading towards Him, in the first half of his journey, who would then take my hand and guide me, together in the rest of the journey. when he'd be my Ali, and i'd be his Fatimah. 

but inevitably, this is the sad part, at least for me.

knowing that im nowhere near that definition of Fatimah.

yes, im speaking metaphorically here. because we all can never be one.

and so, i will always feel that little prick of hurt, whenever i see articles or heard stories that touched this point. no, im not blaming anyone here. we all have our share of principals with how we choose our partner. but for a girl who prays for a good guy like them, and yet having to listen and read of things like this coming from them; 

 "tapi bila tiba urusan bernikah, lebih utamakan calon pilihan sendiri, ex-schoolmate, kawan lama dan sebagainya lantas meninggalkan a*****t yang sama berjuang dengan kita."

ah~ ape orang kate? koyak. =,='' but because the reasons behind it are noble, i really dont have a say in it. and thus all i'm left with is this tinge of gloominess. that i am dreaming too big. 

because around me, i see friends yang sedang berjuang itu. the ones that should rightfully be with those kinds of guys. these beautiful ladies, wanita-wanita syurga. who are all aiming to be like Sayidatina Aisyah R.A. giving their all out. sacrificing so many things. they're nowhere near the typical definition of weak dependent girls. because they are ones who seek Allah themselves. charging towards any obstacles like Khaula al Azwar. 

unlike me, who sits in front of her lappy, adoring the first Ummul Mu'minin instead. loving it; when she put that blanket on our Prophet p.b.u.h, and said those encouraging and soothing words towards him, the time when he was dead scared after receiving the first wahyu; when she prepared the essentials for him before he headed off to Gua Hira'; when she would always go check on him herself should he be there too long; and if he's still not able come back, she would be home, patiently waiting for his return; and even the smallest of acts like preparing the water for his wudhu'. i loved them all. of how she has been the Prophet's strength.

like Khadijah (r.a), i want to be someone's strength too (through Him of course). that shoulder to cry on. the one poeple turn to. be it as a daughter, a sister or even a friend. and Allah willing, be the strength of the other half too, even if im not directly out and about with him. as of this moment, this is what i love, it's what i am (at least i think i am) and what i want to be. so if it means i have to stop that 'stok-surau' crushes of mine; or stop dreaming big, then be it.

because in the end, we can never really know what is best for us and what is not.

and prayers, (and maybe some orang tengah. haha)  are all that you need.

people would always say "match-made-in-Heaven."

it's because Allah is the One who's matching and making it all.

goodbye stupid koyak mood.

hello Qada'. hello Qadar. :)


وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيۡنَيۡكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعۡنَا بِهِۦۤ أَزۡوَٲجً۬ا مِّنۡہُمۡ زَهۡرَةَ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا لِنَفۡتِنَہُمۡ فِيهِ‌ۚ وَرِزۡقُ رَبِّكَ خَيۡرٌ۬ وَأَبۡقَىٰ (١٣١) وَأۡمُرۡ أَهۡلَكَ بِٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَٱصۡطَبِرۡ عَلَيۡہَا‌ۖ لَا نَسۡـَٔلُكَ رِزۡقً۬ا‌ۖ نَّحۡنُ نَرۡزُقُكَ‌ۗ وَٱلۡعَـٰقِبَةُ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰ (١٣٢

And strain not your eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to various groups of them (polytheists and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh), the splendour of the life of this world that We may test them thereby. But the provision (good reward in the Hereafter) of your Lord is better and more lasting. (131)And enjoin As-Salât (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salât (prayers)]. We ask not of you a provision (i.e. to give Us something: money); We provide for you. And the good end (i.e. Paradise) is for the Muttaqûn (pious and righteous persons - see V.2:2). (132)

yours truly,
de-stressing after exam ;)