Faith in Time

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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i reached the hospital at about 11pm, i think. straight from the airport. Su (mama's sister) was waiting patiently at Che's bedside, surprising her with my sudden appearance. then i went to hold Che's hand. ah~ hati cucu mana tak hancur tengok nenek sakit. i dont even know the seriousness of the whole thing, and i put all my mere medical knowledge aside for the moment. because the patient on the bed is my beloved Che, it was enough to break my heart, seeing her so helpless. T__T 

and at the same time, i thank Allah. cause again, He Gave us Time.

******

it was supposed to be a secret between me, abah and mama; to come back home for the short winter break. another surprise project aiming at my siblings specifically, and my big family. and to recharge myself before the start of the new term. and so we planned it a while back. and i was already tricking kakak and abe, that i'll be sending them some stuff via a friend of mine in KLIA etc. the plan was going smoothly. they were not suspicious at all. my flight would be on Sunday morning, and so on Saturday, i went to the city to do some last minute shopping. buying baby stuff for my future nephew etc. i was happily strolling the Christmas-themed night in O'Connell street when i got the text message:

"Emergency. change of plan. Che sakit kuat. everybody is going home."

cause everybody, my parents and all my aunts and uncles, were in Kuala Lumpur for my cousin's wedding. so everybody drove back home straight away after receiving the news at midnight. abah and mama booked the first flight in the morning and left my sister back in KL to wait for me. everything seemed in a rush that night. i kept reading the updates in our family's whatsapp group. of how everybody was picking people up here and there to drive back to Kelantan. how they were all speeding through the highway. and there were nerve-wrecking moments too, when a text said that they were whispering Che syahadah etc. i didn't know what to feel. i guess everybody didn't know what to feel.

*******

i went back home and perform solat hajat. i prayed hard that Che would be okay. that all my aunts, uncles and cousins will drive safely and reach Che in time. that even i will get to see Che too. well, those thoughts kept coming kan? somehow you ended up thinking of the worst scenario. there was definitely an aura of desperation from everybody. and every single minute seems more precious. hoping that they won't pass us by. and i was getting desperate too. and i kept having random thoughts too; how very close i was to coming home, and yet i can't do anything to make it pass by any faster. "so close, yet so far". somehow that rings true. 

but then it dawned back on me; that we should all have Faith in His Timing.

i thought even if Allah Decided for things to happen otherwise, then it's His Will. i can hope and pray for so many things, and yet we all have to have Faith in His Timing. cause in the end, apa-apa pun, Allah is the Best Planner for everything. and Allah always planned for things precisely at the moment that He wants to. never too late, and never too early. Faith in His Timing. repeating those words in my mind somehow calms me down in the end. 

******

and alhamdulillah. i am safely back in Malaysia now. and last night, even though Che is not alert,  i was still able to hold her cold hands, and kiss her pale cheeks. and that, in it's own, is a huge huge nikmat from Allah. 

semoga Allah permudahkan urusan.

semoga Allah ringankan sakit Che.

semoga Allah panjangkan umur Che sekiranya itu yang terbaik untuk Che.

semoga Allah kurniakan kesabaran and ketenangan to everyone involved.

Aamiin.

tolong doakan? :)

*******

my last conversation with Che last September before i head back to Dublin;

          Che: yan balik bila pulak?

          me:   taun depan kot Che. 

          Che: yan ada orang dah ke?

          me:   takde Che. boleh lah Che doa-doa yan dapat ustaz.  

          Che: Che doa sokmo. tak ustaz pun takpe. Che doa dapat orang beriman.

          me:   ok Che. Che kena sihat-sihat. yan nak Che jumpa dia. tegur dia baca Quran satu round. :P

         Che: *senyum*

somehow i still wish for it. :')