Who She Is

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

che was holding my hand the other day. so i decided to snap a picture:
me: Che, yan ambik gambar deh.
and she suddenly kept her hand still. heheh. cute :)

Che (my grandma) is recovering well these days. her glucose is well managed. she is no longer dehydrated. she eats well, drinks well. but the after-effect of her hyperglycaemic attack (high blood glucose) is quite obvious, she's quite disoriented and confused. very much worse than before.

she remembers people most of the time, her children and her grandchildren. but she cant remember what time of the day it is. sometimes she can't remember where she is. and lately when she is awake, she talks a lot about weird things. old memories resurfacing now and then. and we all tried our best to listen and converse with her as normally as we could; keeping in mind to treat her as our Che eventhough she is not quite herself. 

but no matter how confused she seems to be, there is always one thing that she would ask for;

to pray.

always. 

the first time she asked for it was during the first few days we brought her home. at that time she was still very much dehydrated and she was still infused with IV fluids. she can barely sit on her own. once, i helped my aunt to assist her praying. she was so weak, but she wanted to pray and had been asking for it over and over again. so we sit her down, while i supported her weight from behind. i can barely hear her recitals, so my aunt would recite al-Fatihah loudly for her to follow. and only 2 rakaat in, she had forgotten that she was praying and she wanted to sleep. T__T

now, with a little bit of her strength regained,
she asked to pray, many many times in a day.

sometimes, she'd asked to pray asar, whereas it was already nearing midnight.

sometimes, she would ask for water for her wudhu' (ablution), and right when we're bringing her water, 

she would suddenly think that she had already taken her wudhu' and wanted to continue praying.

sometimes, she thinks the qiblah is towards the South and sometimes, she wants it towards the East.

sometimes, she prayed 4 rakaat, sometimes she prayed only 1, sometimes none at all.

sometimes, she'd asked to pray again right after finishing one. 

and we had to assure her that she has already prayed.

****

seeing her like this, all of us in the family thought of the same thing;

it's who she is.

someone who always takes care of her solat.

that despite her being so confused and disorientated, that is what she worries most,

whether she had missed any of her solat or not.

eventhough it's not easy to do those things over and over again,

taking that big basin of water near her only for her to refuse it suddenly, 

having to pick her up and lie her back down etc.

i see that all of us family would do all those things for her still,

because that's what makes her who she is; 

our beloved Che.

praying that Allah strengthen everyone through this. truthfully, i feel so blessed to be a part of this big family. seeing aunty, kak an, sue, ayah di and everyone else fulfilling their responsibilities as a daughter, as a son, and even as a grandchild. i pray that Allah Bless them all. Aamiin. :)

**********

in truth, we can care for our old parents; bathe them, feed them, change their diapers; 

just exactly like how they did it to us when we were small.

but they cared for us in order for us to live,

while we cared for them while waiting for their time to end;

and that, makes all the difference. 

"Dan Tuhanmu telah memerintahkan supaya kamu jangan menyembah selain Dia dan hendaklah kamu berbuat baik pada ibu bapamu dengan sebaik-baiknya. Jika salah seorang di antara keduanya atau kedua-duanya sampai berumur lanjut dalam pemeliharaanmu, maka sekali-kali janganlah kamu mengatakan kepada keduanya perkataan "ah" dan janganlah kamu membentak mereka dan ucapkanlah kepada mereka perkataan yang mulia. Dan rendahkanlah dirimu terhadap mereka berdua dengan penuh kesayangan dan ucapkanlah: "Wahai Tuhanku, kasihilah mereka keduanya, sebagaimana mereka berdua telah mendidik aku waktu kecil".

[17: 23-24]