Hello 2017

                                                          بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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24 months had passed. Where do i even began to explain or even explore what i've experienced or learned over the period. it has been long. but i wanted to write again. this blog used to be my solace. :)

to be honest, it's a bit scary. when you haven't written for so long. it's much more difficult for the right words to come by. but a few weeks back i got a private message from a stranger in my instagram.  " i read your blog. it inspired me a lot. takde update dah." and i had that jittery feeling inside of me. touched too, i must say. because someone somewhere out there are still finding some warmth through my old writings and rants in here. so my prayers goes to you, miss. for reminding me to remind. :)

so here's my first rant after 2 years of absence. May Allah Guides us all. 

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i guess the best thing to write about would be my last 26 months as a houseman (the first two years of becoming a doctor where you're still training to become a better one. a period where you're not yet held accountable for the mistakes you made.  a period for learning).

Alhamdulillah, with Him, i believe everything went beautifully as it should. of all the ups and down of the roller coaster ride, everything went perfectly according to His Plans. it's now our job as His abid to look back and be thankful for everything that has happened, to seek forgiveness for all the wrong things we've done, and to pray and be hopeful for what is yet to come. 

Housemanship a.k.a house officers a.k.a the punching bag of the scary hierarchy in a hospital. it's a scary 2 years period for all blooming doctors, but as scary as it may seem, it might actually be one of the best years of your life too. Even though i don't think i excelled in it with becoming the 'greatest HO that ever walked the planet', but i guess being happy on most days of housemanship warrants me to give some tips and tricks of surviving it. *wink* 

So here goes. 

Friends. I've always thought this was one of the crucial part of getting through housemanship. Because in a hospital, you never worked alone. you just can't. so getting a group of people who work with you, eat with you, sleep with you, jokes around all day with you, waited for you to finish your job, dissed you whenever you left some work undone, compliments you when you answered a question, learn from you, let you learn from them, covered for you, reminds you to eat, offered you IV line insertions whenever you look sick, zombied around the hospital with you at 3 a.m, jumped on the bed doing CPRs with you; is crucial. This group of people would be your strength to survive the hospital on a daily basis. True, it's not always great. You would hate each other sometimes, just because we are all tired and spent; misunderstanding each other's words. but it will pass by, and by the end of the day these friends are the ones that you should be really thankful for. for just being there with you through it all. :) 

Thank you guys. 

Hope you're all doing great, wherever you may be.

Families. Is the backbone that we often forget. The ones who prayed for us everyday back then. The ones who take time to drive us to and fro the hospital whenever our car broke down, or whenever we are too tired during our postcalls. The ones who suppressed from telling us how much they miss us because we're not home most days and when we are, all we do is sleep. But here's my own reminders from my own observation. Being doctors, when we have friends around, we tend to spend our free time outside the hospitals with the same friends too. forgetting those moments that we should spend with our families; where we should be having some tea with our dad, cooking with our mum, calling up our siblings to see how they're doing, or just being there in the comfort of home to liven up the house that we have left most of the time. just do something for them, they have been there for us since forever, remember?

May Allah keep them safe and sound in His Blessings. 

Ameen. :)

Reminders. And this is definitely the hard part. Despite the tiring hours, the verbal harassment, the constant back-ache; you are helping someone. you are helping your nurses, your MOs, your specialists in doing their job; and most importantly you are all helping someone who's sick, those who are in need. they wouldn't have come to the hospital if they didn't need our help. Of course, there would be ungrateful patients, ungrateful superiors now and then, but they don't matter. Because inevitably what you are doing comes back to you. if we truly realize that our job will eventually help someone, then all the blessings and pahala will go back to our book. because this job, is nothing else but a good deed. the only thing that could make this bad are just our foul mouths and foul intentions. but if we could avoid those two, this job, is definitely a part of our ibadah. And how lucky we are that Allah has put us in this path, where doing good to others is just a part of our job?

" Let your good deeds be like rain,

drop a little everywhere."

so at the end of your tiring day, be thankful. that Allah has chosen us, over all of His Creations to be doctors. When we are too busy with work; think otherwise instead; we are too busy with good deeds, that we don't even have time for bad ones. And how lucky can anyone else get, huh?

and most importantly, stay humble too.

we are always learning from one another everyday.

teach others and learn from them.

leave the bad ones, and follow the good ones.

chin up and be strong.

after all, Allah is with us through and through.

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yep, this happened too. :)

on a side note, in between those 26 months, Allah s.w.t granted me someone that i didn't even dreamed of having; my husband. you could pray for anything in a spouse, but at the end of the day, you will finally realized that the companion that Allah blessed you with is the most perfectly flawed being there is, just as much as you are. And time will always be the one to teach you of how much you were made for each other. Alhamdulillah for the love that Allah blessed us with, and most importantly, i pray that this love lasts and brings us together in Jannah. do send us your prayers :)

ps: deep down, i still think that i was blessed enough to have met him because of arwah Che's prayers. :')

above all,

thank You Allah.

Alhamdulillah.