Cracks in Life

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Dear blog. 

i wish to not leave you here all alone in eerie silence, but i have a huge exam in 2 days time. to readers, do pray for us doctors-wannabe :)

but for the sake of random sharing, here goes. some retrospecting of my personal life. insyaAllah, i wish to not write any sins or tragedies of mine; but retrospecting with the hope that someone somewhere might learn a thing or two. :)

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So. a dear friend of mine, texted me saying she bought the ever famous "aku terima nikahnya" book. yes, the book that got every lovey-dovey couples to the world of singles :) *hoyeah* 

i read that book a few years back, but never finished it. because somehow it does not give me that "kick" that i wanted so bad in the gut. you know, that 'ade umph' feeling. or maybe because when i read that book i have already got the kick i wanted from another book, and had made that life-changing decision of mine. InsyaAllah i will recommend the book at the end of this post. :)

yes. i once fell into the world of lovey-dovey. thinking about it already spark different kinds of emotions inside of me. angry, sad, frustrated, you name it. those feelings are definitely aimed back at me. the young me who knew bits and pieces of this and that, but too oblivious to do what is right. like everyone, i wish to turn back that clock and undo all the mistakes i made, all the wrong words i said. but i guess everybody has their fair share of dark past that will haunt them and lead them to changes, right? like one of the sayings i love most;

"Blessed are the cracks, for they shall let in the light."

-Gruocho Marx-

so yes, i'm one with cracks, here and there. and this part of my life is one of the biggest crack i had. but insyaAllah it has let the largest amount of light in. no need to go into details but it was one of those things that involved so many people and it was serious too. i guess those things sort of masked the right thing that i should have done all along, which was to let things go. 

i pity my wherever-you-are-Mr Right who'll have me as his Miss Wifey, because i am not the sweet, innocent, gadis ayu, lesung pipit di pipi-type that every guy dreams of. as much as i hate to admit having these cracks, but they are what made me human.  they are the essence that made me an abid  (hamba) of Him. one who made mistakes and learn from them, leading us all back to the One Above. :*googly eyes*

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some say, the longer the relationship is, the harder the breaking up will be. maybe. but i think these are all things that indoctrinate our minds from doing what is right. just like how we were poisoned with thoughts that relationship should always start with going out together, movies, saying i love you's, then after a few years you start to think about marriage..because thinking about marriage earlier on puts pressure, yadda yadda. all those things the teen magazines would cover on a monthly basis, really.

but that didn't happen to me. Alhamdulillah. for truly, all praises goes to Him, who kept this heart of mine with Him. letting go was easy. :) and here's where the book came into the story. a small book, which i took coincidently from a friend's room, just for some simple lazy reading, which lead me to making the decision with a wide smile on my face. it felt like a new beginning, really. a life with no strings attached; no strings to those ongoing sins (that i still pray that He Forgives to this very day) huhu. 

Nikmatnya Pacaran Setelah Pernikahan

so here's the book. i felt like sharing it again today (cause i think i did shared it once already). i cant help but smile everytime i read the title of the book. who would have thought, that a funny-titled book (that my big sister would always tease me about in her Indon dialect) would have given that little push that one needs in making the best of decisions.

so to those out there. i'm pretty sure that many have doubts of doing the right thing, despite knowing much about it. but you just dont have the strength to let things go; worried of your own feelings, worried of hurting others. but trust me, the best of feelings is knowing that Allah is keeping hold of it. and either it's happiness or sadness, only Allah is able to give that, no matter how hard you try to avoid them or seek them. 

sometimes, all we need is just a little push. 

mine was from this book. 

seek yours :) 

good luck and may Allah be with you.