i am a Muslim student

so what makes us any different from all the other students in college? 

we are Muslim students. 

schematic answer. but so true. 

(mungkin ade yang jawab, Muslim dulu. baru student. true and true)

but are we Muslim students just because we wear hijab? is it just because we dont drink and go to parties during weekends? is it just because we say bismillah during exams? is it just because we can be happy applying the concept of usaha, tawakkal and redha in our studies?

yes i think they are all true. but the most important thing that im trying to grasp here is keberkatan ilmu. this is something so big and deep that we have, that Allah promised us, should we do things His way of course. 

Hence, even if we pray 5 times a day and wear hijab everyday, kerberkatan ilmu doesn't come just by doing all that.

*note: keberkatan ilmu = blessed knowledge. (direct translation.hehe) 

last year, i think my understanding and belief on the usaha, tawakkal & redha concept deepened. but i think i sort of completely leave behind it's other half; keberkatan ilmu. being in a foreign country, it's quite hard for us to really appreciate the meaning behind keberkatan ilmu, when the lecturer is a non-believer, thus you dont feel any sense of obligations towards him/her. you do respect them. in awe for the intricate things they understand and remember; but no sense of obligation or responsibility to learn from them, because we dont quite feel that the knowledge they're giving are with barakah. betul tak? not to mention 70% of the lectures are uncomprehensible. even if we understand the words they are saying, we dont really know how to link them with previous lectures. (but i guess we should blame ourselves for that matter. or medicine? hehe)

back to my point.

the true fact is; the barakah is always there. your effort in waking up very early, preparing here and there, running to class should you be late, waiting for the bus (or walking, or cycling, or even scootering..hehe), the effort you put in concentrating in the lecture hall, the effort of trying not to be sleepy, the jab in the ribs you gave to your sleepy friend beside you, the ruler that someone borrowed from you, the drinks and chocolates you shared with others during the breaks in between lectures, the smile you gave to others which somewhat makes them a tiny  bit happier, the encouraging words and reminders you exchanged while heading to the surau, the comforting words you gave when you see someone else who are so busy with so many other responsibilities and the list goes on. there are endless things that you were doing, All things Allah never takes for granted, and believe it or not, they were all part of your effort in menuntut ilmu. how? because awal-awal pagi turun kelas kan dah niat; sahaja aku meninggalkan rumah, untuk menuntut ilmu, mencari keredhaan-Mu. kan?

the barakah may not come directly from the ilmu itself (which i highly doubt, surely ade berkat kat situ, regardless of who the lecturers are) but all the things we do, that seemed very small that we have mislooked; are the ones that Allah yang Maha Teliti is counting and putting into our 'accounts'. for our studies specifically, do we think that we got A's (or Bs and Cs) solely because we've not slept for 3 days memorizing the anatomy book (or mechanical or anything for that matter.hee) ? well think again. 

because if Allah really Grants us good results solely because of our effort in studies; in other words Allah checks how many hours we spent reading, understanding, memorizing, answering questions, a.k.a studying; come on guys. ask yourselves. do you really think it's enough? of course Allah does take into account all the time spent and effort made, but if He were to give us results just because of that, i dont think we can even get an F. seriously.

sometimes too, we may get what we want, and yes, we have studied like hell. constantly, what not. hence, the 'great' results. but wont it be sad, because when all that we are aiming for is just the A+ and not the barakah behind it, then the result is not that great in the Hereafter kan? the way we look at things is always different from the way Allah Sees. 

dalam menuntut ilmu, the most important thing is making it as a form of ibadah. because if all the time spent is not a form of ibadah, then our 'Hereafter accounts' are just empty. not much difference from the ones who are partying like hell every other night. and how to make it an ibadah? niat kerana Allah and doing all things the right way. what's the right way? ask your heart. hati tak tipu. most of the time it's just us ignoring the small hunches that the heart felt. and the constant pestering of Mr Merah.

take your SPM for example. hmm.. scratch that. IB exams or A-levels. what makes you so sure, that you got great results because your eyes were literally stuck to the book 24/7? what if it was only because Allah grant your parents' prayers for you back home? or your teachers' prayers when they were about to start the lessons? or Allah Saw that you gave a pen to someone in class just for the sake of helping her? and so much more. and not at all because of your effort.

life has so much more deep meanings behind it. just ask Him for help, and He will show you. think. that's all He wants us to do.

alhamdulillah, Allah made me experience this countless time. i know for a fact that i wont be here if it wans't His Plans to begin with. for i question my own lame efforts in studying constantly. for those who kept saying they got these and that because they were constantly with books, it's time to realize it's Allah's Plans for them. :(

looking back, i see so much things i have done wrongly. and thought of wrongly. and just to remind others out there, while im saying all these, i may make the same mistakes. again and again. i am just a mere human being. bound to make all the mistakes. but this is just a reminder, from someone who used to like being in her comfort zone, (most probably still am); not wanting to be a bad person, but not aiming high to be very good, nice ones either; but i am trying really hard to change all the big and small things in my life, for the better. but while im reminding myself, why not share it with the world kan?

everything is there. read the Quran, and we'll see all the reminders that He Kept on Giving, which we always turn a blind eye and  a deaf ear to. :'(

ya Allah, berikanlah petunjuk kepada hamba-hambaMu ini.

ps: to fellow friends out there, dont be sad for all the time that you think you lost. for they are all lost for Him. and we all know He is Never One to miss anything. hoping and praying for the best for all of us, here and most importantly, Hereafter. ameen ameen ya Rabb.