emotions

i cant describe what im feeling lately. 

maybe im thinking too much.

it seems to be draining me. 

draining my energy, my emotions.

ive read too much sad things lately,

listen to too much bad news i guess,

knowing too much about the world.

astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.

sometimes, you cant deny the fact that there are people who seems to be living a very perfect life. *well, at least perfect in their definition* - going to beaches with boyfriends, partying, going to proms, focusing on valentine, hotstuff, cam-whoring, costume partying etc- *well, you get the picture* it's definitely a hakuna matata life for them - a life with no worries.

and 

you cant deny the fact that there are people who're trying to reach for Allah, ending up with ujian-ujian that we cant even think of instead. from very small type of ujian, to life-changing ones. amazing isn't it? how little time it takes for your life to change. maybe a month, a minute, a second? all because He is testing you. 

but.

even though im seeing two sides of life; one seemingly better than the other, i know deep down in my heart that the latter is the best. i talked to kakak last night about this. and a thought came to me.

rather than having a blissful life without Him, i'd rather face hardships, knowing that at the end of it all, i get to see Him.

InsyaAllah. still, it doesnt mean im praying for one. nauzubillah. i dont think i have the strength to face any of those things that others are facing. even this very small ujian of mine, -racing time- is enough to keep me occupied. but of course, Allah knows best. whatever happens, it's already in His Plan.

as for the ujian-ujian, we will always have the Quran to guide us. 

[2: 286] 

dan ketahuilah, Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya…

[94: 5&6]

… sesungguhnya disamping kesusahan bersamanya kemudahan…

… (ditegaskan sekali lagi) disamping kesusahan bersamanya kemudahan…

[ 2:214]

“Do you really think that you will enter Paradise without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When will come the Help of Allah?’ Yes, certainly the Help of Allah is near!”

and insyaAllah, we will always have Him with us. Ameen.

Ps: to amal, i'll pray that all goes well for you. We will help you in any way we can, insyaAllah.