mind rant #18: Last Post

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.... to end my 4th year of doing Medicine in Ireland insyaAllah. hehe. 

tomorrow we'll be officially starting the final exams for our Psychiatric rotation. and truth is, this is just me wanting some break in between my readings to keep me pumped up. cause having  the exam dates and the balik-Malaysia date so close together is not helping my concentration at all! i find my mind wanders off to the airport, the long-haul flights, eating with Ika at KLIA (we planned on going to eat everything at the airport in small amounts while waiting for our own flights to Kelate and Penang) and imagining myself walking down the airport in Kelate. i wonder who'd be there this time~ (last time i was home i had a whole bunch of cousins waiting for me. :)

*******

Father's Day

truth is, i haven't been one who celebrate things much. and i'm guessing everybody doesn't too. it's just the temptation of wishing "happy Father's Day" on facebook that got the better of us. anyhow, it was a happy occasion still, as well as a heart-warming one. some people do celebrate it wholeheartedly, what with the cakes and balloons and the cards. then there are those who dig into their treasure looking for an old picture with Mr  Dad; that's cute. and there are those who wished that their fathers are there; that brought me teary-eyed, upon realizing that a lot of my friends had lost this huge nikmat at such a young age. my prayers go to them and their late fathers; semoga roh ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang soleh. Al-fatihah.~

as for me? apparently i was on the phone on father's day, but since at that time i didn't know it was father's day, we chatted away of different things, as well as watching Airaa performing and showing me her belly-button :) nevertheless, father's day or not, i pray for you all the time Abah, and i'm working hard to be your best daughter always, i promise. :)

********

Mama

so kakak's birthday passed a while back, on 12th of June. I called her, asking what she did back home. She was still in Kelate on her maternity leave, so Abe Ammar came back for the weekend to celebrate her birthday. I thought they did something, but kakak told me she bought a cake for mama instead:

"i think birthdays should celebrate the moms instead. 

thank you for giving birth to me. 

thank you for not giving up on that delivery table."

*well, her words are much more hilarious being the joker she is. but i have to tone it down in here. heh*

but her point gets to me. she's right. birthdays should celebrate the moms. i guess kakak realized it now that she has two of her own. and we may as well realize it now. next time, i'm gonna pick up the phone on my birthday and instead of waiting for them to wish me a happy birthday, i'd say thank you instead. oh, and kakak and me are planning on sending mama off to Che (our grandma) on her birthday this 25th. and then we'll buy her cakes. :P

*****

oh here's a cute video of Mufti Ismail Menk. apparently i have always heard of him, but for some reason i have never watch any of his talks/videos. and finally i did a few days back and he was so hilarious in his talks; points delivered is a given. i think i have a thing for witty talks. :)

whenever i did video calls, i found that my parents will talk a lot less compared to when i phoned them. then i realized that they were too happy watching my face rather than talking to me. so i guess it rings true with what Mufti Ismail said in the video; we might think it's nothing really, calling our parents or skyping with them; but it means a lot to them and it really does make them happy. cause despite my messy hair, huge puffy cheeks, 5cm eye-bags, red nose, wearing old sweatshirts over me, basically eerily-looking; but if i smile, Abah and Mama would always say the same thing: "comel anak abah/mama ni." *sobs* now, that's what i call true love. T_T

******

presentation is tomorrow;

MCQ exam on Thursday;

OSCEs on Friday;

flight home on Sunday;

safely in my parent's hugs by Monday;

insyaAllah,

i pray Allah ease everything, Aamiin. :)

happy summer holidays people!

may Allah bless all our time spent, Aamiin ;)

Look and See

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It's a dangerous world we are living in.

when we look at so many things,

yet we see so little.

******

Now and again, i get friends showing me pictures from Instagram. Look at her beautiful wedding dress! Look at his beautiful wife! Look at her white flawless glowy skin! Look at her baby's shirts, it's Burberry! Look at their new house, it's at somewhere-awesome-i-cant-even-tell! Look at her new bags, it's that $9k Gucci/Prada/LV! Look at their honeymoon pictures, they are so sweet!

look. 

look. 

look. 

it's so easy for us to look into someone else's lives nowadays, as much as it is easy for others to look into ours. It's scary how naturally we'd do things that we wouldn't think of years back. have we imagined ourselves snapping pictures of food before we eat? or coming back home to just naturally comment on our day, not to our roommates, but to the computer instead. it's interesting. i didn't imagine i'd be one of them, but sadly, somehow somewhere along the way, i did. ~haih~

back to the instagram thingy. i guess my reactions to those kinds of things differ everytime. sometimes i forget too. looking at the pictures is okay. commenting on how pretty whatever it is that we see, is still okay. but the saddest thing one can do when looking at pictures of others are when words like these are uttered:

"bestnya hidup dia"

"nak macam tu jugak"

"untungnya dia"

"perfectnya life dia"

******

AllahuAllah 

=,=''

i don't know about guys, but these are what girls utter most of the time. when we look into other's lives so much that we fail to appreciate what we have, to see what we have. we are so into those expensive things others have that we forget that we have the most expensive thing of all, our parents by our side, our family who loves us unconditionally. we look so much at others wearing all those pretty transparent dresses, with the pretty accessories that we forget that we have the best accessory of all, our hijabs covering us up. and at times, i wondered at how little we guard our heart, when we look too much at things, that we fail to see which are sins and which are not.

sometimes i just wish i could slap some senses into people who are looking up at others too much. looking at things that others have - the expensive, the pretty, the awesome- things they don't have, things they wish they have. but guess what;

the most important things in life aren't things.

it scares me of how shallow we all can be eventually, when we let ourselves in too deep, into this dangerous world. and what's more dangerous is that we don't even realize the things that we do, the changes that we are making; just because we are looking to much into Dunya, and seeing too little of the HereAfter. 

and the changes are evident, little by little;

bila stokin mula hilang

lengan mula terdedah

tudung mula singkat

baju mula ketat

dan hati mula keras. :(

Astaghfirullah.

Astaghfirullah.

Astaghfirullah.

Dear Allah, keep our gaze lowered,

from Dunya and all its lies.

to you and me;

stop looking. start seeing.

وَهُوَ الَّذِي أَنشَأَ لَكُمُ السَّمْعَ وَالْأَبْصَارَ وَالْأَفْئِدَةَ قَلِيلًا مَّا تَشْكُرُونَ

Dan Dialah yang telah menciptakan bagi kamu sekalian, 

pendengaran, penglihatan dan hati. 

Amat sedikitlah kamu bersyukur.

[23:78]

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wallahua'lam.

Saiko

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

"do you believe in psychology?"

a friend of mine was asked this question when she was with her team.

yes everyone,

i am currently doing my Psychiatry rotation,

for the last few weeks of my 4th year in Medicine, Alhamdulillah :)

*******

we were at the kitchen table, discussing the things we had for the day; whatever was thrown our way, be it questions from consultants, interesting patients, interesting cases.

back to the question, so it was a rather interesting one i'd say. asking if we actually believe in such a thing called psychotherapy. psychology; what is it actually? Mr Wiki defines it as study of mental changes and behaviour. so how far do we believe that there is such a thing as a therapy for the mind? if we were to go through the list of mental problems, there would be associated therapies that can be offered, ranging from the usual consultations, to taking drugs and to having wires attached to your brain.

so again, do we believe in such a thing called psychology?

******

and interestingly my friend answered no; she doesn't believe in this. 

"that's why Islam taught us about moderation in the Quran and Sunnah."

that was her answer. no worries people, i believe we are all entitled to our own opinions. 

and so long one's opinion does not contradict Allah's Words, 

i think we should all welcome differing opinions. ngeee~

********

moderation

somewhat i believe that her answer is true. seems like to a certain extent, all this mental issues  boils down to the fact that we might have slipped outside of the boundaries of moderation. yes, we can be sad. but letting ourselves be too sad may lead to depression. yes, we can be happy. but letting ourselves be too happy leads to mania. yes we can be both happy and sad, but being in the extremes will then lead to bipolar. seems simple enough. but truth is, these things happened in a much more complex way, and it definitely does not take a day or two.

but the concept of moderation that Islam taught us is definitely something that we should keep in mind. because it's through moderation that Allah reminds us to be in control of whatever that happens in our lives, be it a happy or a sad occasion. Quran and Sunnah taught us to keep Dunya in our hands and Hereafter in our Hearts, because more often that we hoped for, Dunya always takes something away from us.

but saying all these doesn't mean that for those who have problems are at fault. 

"awak yang lebih-lebih, sebab tu awak sakit." 

oh no. 

again, these psychiatric problems doesn't happen in a day or two, and it certainly doesn't happen because of a single trigger, but a whole bunch of them; neglect in family, too much stress at school, friends who are not really friends, not having enough to survive the day, well the list goes on. often enough, we easily come to conclusions without trying to put ourselves in their shoes. say i saw some boys who do not perform solat and they were playing cards all throughout the day. while we'd often easily give the good-old-sigh... "budak-budak zaman sekarang~~", but in actual fact they have been brought up in a home where all they care about is "kais pagi makan pagi", along with parents who do not perform the daily prayer themselves, not to mention having left school at Standard 6 with limited exposure to ad-Deen. now, who is to be blamed here? *huhu*

so anyhow, back to our point, i am not saying that those who have these disorders are just because they have stepped out of the boundaries of moderation. i'm sure with all my heart that they too wondered at how things have gotten out of their grasps. but do not worry, having lost it once does not mean you will lose it again, it all comes back to how willing you are to fight through this ordeal, fight through your emotions, fight through your own thoughts; fight, till you are able to step back into the safe circle of moderation. it might be a harder path for those with these fluctuating disorders, but that should not be a hindering factor, since the harder it is, the greater the bounty is for sure, and Allah is ever the Watchful.

okay, truth is, i don't know what i am trying to explain here but i just did. it's been quite interesting for me lately to see things that are definitely unfamiliar to me. and to be able to listen to stories of people that you can only hear of in the movies. you thought that they exaggerated but truth is, they exist and it's definitely not an easy path to be in; just the more reason for us to be thankful isn't it?

wallahua'lam.

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ps: medicine is truly awesome. 

doakan kami :)

mind rant #17: Doa Chenta

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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"ehm..ehm.. bila nak makan nasi minyak?"

i was texting a friend of mine. asked her the question. saja nak sakat.

"insyaAllah..raya nanti majlis akad nikah. hehehe."

erk~ *pengsan*

betul rupanya.

here comes another wedding invitation. and this is already the umpteenth secret wedding-waiting-to-be-revealed-at-the-last-minute-before-the-real-day that i know of. i can only wonder at how many invitations i'll be getting by June. 

*******

and as always these kinds of things would trigger people like me to look at pretty wedding stuff. i used to really really like watching those cute wedding videos. but as time goes by, i found myself feeling empty watching all the lavish things portrayed in there; as the videos no longer show the start of a beautiful marriage, but just another video of a wedding reception. baju, kasut, pelamin, hantaran, pengantin keluar kereta; same old, same old. i lost interest.

but then i found a wedding video of brother Hilal Asyraf and his beauuutiful wife. :) 

(credits goes to the ever awesome Umar Mita.)

while most wedding videos make you feel rather empty;

i guess special ones make you rather teary.

:')

girls like me usually ended up going "aww" to things like this.

and whenever we see beautiful sweet couples out there,
i'm definitely sure one would definitely lift up their hands to make that special doa.

but instead of the usual 'reflex' doa that we make:

"ya Allah, kurniakan kami cinta orang yang soleh."

i'd opt for this doa instead;

ya Allah 

kurniakan kami CintaMu.

kurniakan kami CintaMu

kurniakan kami CintaMu

it's much more straight-forward isn't it?
and it keeps us back on track insyaAllah.
because it's not his love that we're searching for,
it's His Love.

so selamat berDoa dearies.

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ سَيَجْعَلُ لَهُمُ الرَّحْمَٰنُ وُدًّا

"Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal saleh, 

kelak Allah Yang Maha Pemurah akan menanamkan dalam (hati) mereka rasa kasih sayang."

[19:96]

Comparison

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

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WhatsApp and Wechat. the two new apps that are used by mostly everyone who have the privilege of using smartphones. so through these apps, i would keep in touch with my besties back in Malaysia. due to the time difference of 7 hours and our somewhat 'busy' lives, we all find it hard to find the right time for us to chat or text one another at the exact same time. even if we do, it'll always be rather brief ones where either one of us ended up falling asleep, or heading off to the office/hospital.

so most of the time, when i'm going to bed, i'd find myself scrolling the very long chats that my bestfriends had without me, or listening to the whining they make via WeChat. i would amuse myself listening to their dilemmas in buying or cooking dinner, or how they are stuck in the traffic, or how early they've woken up that day and occasionally (or maybe a little more? heh ) it'd be the guy-issues of not finding mr Right. haha. yes, i am afraid we're the normal human beings who's reaching the sensitive age of 24 where all makcik would ask the same question over and over again, "dah ada orang ke?" =,=''

anyhow, so the voice message would mostly be funny ones that cracked me up most of the time, but one night she left me one message that hit that tiny little fragile thing called, Heart:

"semalam macam malu sangat kat Allah.

sebab selalu mintak benda duniawi je.

tapi kalau bab akhirat macam minta permudah urusan ke..

minta doa yang tu macam nak tak nak je. 

so i had a good cry lah.."

(*note: the original dialogue was purely in Kelate)

it was a rather random voice message from her as she continued talking about something else afterwards. but little did she know how these random things she tell me would affect me so much, cause i ended up replaying this message over and over again.

********

the truth is, it might be a personal message, but i believe it represents most if not all of us. it represents a mistake that we often make, and often neglect. the fact that we  spend most of the time praying for so many things that stays in Dunya and only in Dunya. 

let us think back, to the times when we were able to wake up so early in the morning during our exam week, just because we wanted to pray Tahajud and Hajat for the exam papers that we will be facing. or the time when we were able to cry our heart out, doing Istikharah wishing that Allah would cure our broken hearts and helping us find our Mr Right at the right time, the right place etc. amazing isn't it, the amount of time and energy we were able to spend to make those doa, and how pure our hearts were while making those doa. 

but whenever we prayed for iman yang bertambah, dijauhkan dari api neraka, dikurniakan Husnul Khatimah, diikhlaskan amalan kita, kata-kata kita, niat hati kita, praying for His Redha fi Dunya wal Akhirah; i wondered how much tears came with this doa? how much hope did we put in Allah at that time? were we able to wake up for Qiam just to pray for our akhirah? did we pray for our akhirah as much as we pray for our worldly affairs?

or were all of these doa just another daily recitals, 

that slipped out of our mouth so many times 

without even touching our Hearts?

astaghfirullah.

astaghfirullah.

astaghfirullah.

wallahua'lam. 

this is definitely a harsh reminder to myself first and foremost. T__T 

and as much as i pray that Allah keeps me reminded, i'd pray that we'd all be reminded of the same thing;
that the World just don't last.

يَا قَوْمِ إِنَّمَا هَٰذِهِ الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا مَتَاعٌ وَإِنَّ الْآخِرَةَ هِيَ دَارُ الْقَرَارِ

"Hai kaumku, sesungguhnya kehidupan dunia ini hanyalah kesenangan (sementara) 

dan sesungguhnya akhirat itulah negeri yang kekal."

[40:39]

and i end today's thought with an awesome quote from another dear friend:

"....we probably have less than a century 

to prepare for a life of eternity."

of Lost and Found

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

now now, after the small 'publicity' in facebook, i think the story is worthy enough to be kept in here, right? for those who don't know, here goes:

*****

so it was the day that i was finally heading back home to Dublin after spending my lonely week at Carlow for my GP placement. it was a beautiful sunny Friday, as i plugged in my earphones, listening to some songs in my beloved iPod while waiting for the designated train heading back to Houston Rail Station. It was a pretty Friday, i even snapped a picture!. :P

Anyways, so the train finally came and after hustling with my huge heavy bag, i took off my coat (cause it was boiling hot in the coach) and sat beside a smiling Indian uncle, who asked me that one-million-dollar question that goes: "Malaysian?" so straight away i removed the earphones, with the Ipod still in my coat, and i chit-chat away with the nice uncle from Melaka, all through the one-hour journey back to Dublin.

so what happened in between (in which i only deduced this when i was on my way back home on the bus) was that i heard a sudden clatter halfway through the journey in the train. i remembered checking my bag but  i was too absorbed chatting away with the Uncle that i brushed it off; and that sound (i'm pretty sure) was actually my Ipod slipping out of the coat's pocket onto the floor, under my seat. heh.

When we reached Houston, i took my bags, and my coat, said goodbye to the Uncle, took one last look at my seat just to scan if i left anything and head straight out. it was when i was on the Dublin bus back home that i realized my iPod was missing. and almost instantly, i was sure of the whole 'clatter sound' incident in the train. my first thought: "hadoy. there goes my jodoh with the iPod." but i did what i had to do, i emailed the station's website and reported the missing item and prayed for the best. back home, I was having my usual post-travelling unilateral headache that i was more concerned with having a nap. =,=''

but interestingly i didn't feel sad or anything. a part of me felt that there's nothing much i can do about it, and another part of me thought that since this happened on a day of barakah, maybe Allah just wanted to take it away from me since it might do me more harm than good. so i dozed off with these thoughts only to be woken up later by my housemate: "ada orang post dalam facebook!" and i guess the rest is history. :)

the mystery guy's name is actually Mr David Cooke. he emailed me afterwards :) and truthfully, i find myself out of words while replying to his emails. cause thank you is really not enough. he was and is willing to go through all the hassle to give me back my iPod. apparently the driver didn't want to take the iPod, so David asked if i want it posted. in which i said yes, and i asked for his bank account to pay him back etc. and here's his reply; (terharu kuasa kuda~~~)

 ********

i guess the Likes that we can see from the status all came from the fact that it's definitely rare to find people like him back home. the same questions will definitely strike us all;

why didn't he take it?

was it because of the values he holds to?

how can those values be so strong for him to push him to do good deeds?

and interestingly, it's much harder for these values to be practiced by us Muslims. not just the Malaysians, but Muslims everywhere, even in Makkah; where slippers can go missing at Masjidil Haram. =,=''

and the question comes back to us Muslims;

us, who knew that Allah is Watching,

us, who knew that we are never alone,

us, who knew that all our actions are accountable for,

why can't we uphold the values that Islam preaches?

wallahua'lam.

tepuk dada, tanya iman.

*******

i may have Lost my iPod for a while;

yes, it's been a tiny bit embarrassing.

yes, kakak sarcastically asked me:

"yan, do you have to let the world know you lost your iPod?"

yes, those RCSI  girls even came up with their own version of story;

that i made that whole status up for some cheap limelight (haha);

but i think we all have Found the best of reminders from the kindness of a stranger.

and to anyone who reads this,

do help me thank this kind-hearted man by making a prayer with me;

semoga Allah kurniakan dia hidayah;

semoga Allah kembalikan dia ke fitrah,

semoga Allah temukan dia dengan Islam.

Aamiin ya Rabb. 

:)

******

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّوا الْأَمَانَاتِ إِلَىٰ أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُم بَيْنَ النَّاسِ أَن تَحْكُمُوا بِالْعَدْلِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُم بِهِ 

إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًا بَصِيرًا

"Sesungguhnya Allah menyuruh kamu menyampaikan amanat kepada yang berhak menerimanya, dan (menyuruh kamu) apabila menetapkan hukum di antara manusia supaya kamu menetapkan dengan adil. Sesungguhnya Allah memberi pengajaran yang sebaik-baiknya kepadamu. Sesungguhnya Allah adalah Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Melihat."

[4:58] 

mind rant #16: bebelan minda

Sing a Song

i know how some friends hate it when a blog has a background song in it. some girls came up to me saying that when they visit my blog, they'd mute their speakers first, then continued reading. but what can i do? i like listening to songs that i love when i'm in here. :) it's been a while since i have one playing in the background. the last one didn't work cause the original website was closed. but after googling some tips and tricks, i managed to learn how to embed one in the blog again. heh. so bear with me will ya? if you can't then you always have the 'mute' option. *wink*

anyhow.

this song caught me the first time when i heard it in the background of a show i watched. i heard only the first line of the song, and i quickly googled it. :) yup. that's how fast i fall in love with songs really. and my search was a worthy one as the lyrics was so nice that i wanted to share it in here.

some say that life, you can't rewind

even when time is on your side.

some say that pain, it makes you strong

and you find the strength to carry on.

some say that tears are meant to fall

what good is crying after all

there are mistakes you cant undo

then they bring out the best in you.

nice isn't it? :) 

note to self to learn the chords and sing with abah this summer. hehe (sempat lagi)  :)

************

Hidup kita Sama

sometimes we feel that our lives are so much different if compared to the lives of others. but at the end of the day, we all ended up learning the same thing. contohnya the value of sabar. doctors learn it from the patients they see. office workers learn it from the scrutiny they get from the evil lady-bosses. mothers learn it from the tantrums their children threw. politicians learn it from the false stories (fitnah) being spread about them. while those in wars learn it from the deaths they've to see.

in the end Allah teaches us all the same thing everyday. planting the value of sabar into our hearts; albeit the different experiences (and the different level, of course). and one can only marvel at all the other values that Allah plants in our hearts everyday, with or without us realizing it. and they are all meant to bring us back to Him. so look harder, think deeper, and be thankful for the lives that we are leading. cause it all stems from the same root, and is growing towards the same direction; 

from Allah, and towards Allah. 

enough of rambling for tonight.

selamat malam.

:)

**********

Little Boolats

umar and airaa
Aunty Chik pengsan.


okbai.
T__T