theChocolateLover

Acceptance

2012-01-27T21:42:00.000Z

another week has passed. a very busy one with so many things to be done; keluar gelap, balik gelap. lari pergi kelas, pastu lari pergi hospital. sesat lagi. haih :) but alhamdulillah. for all the things He taught, for all the things He made me think of. for everything, really.

and not wanting to waste away any thoughts of mine, here i am again with my therapy. hoping to start off the weekend with a 'working' mind and racing thoughts (not in a psychotic manner, hopefully.heheh). :)

few days ago, we had this lecture on Risk Management and Patient Safety. it was one of those subjects; teaching you things you should know of, but you really dont feel any relevance behind it all for the time being. because we, sadly, are those exam-oriented students who learn things mostly not to know, but just to ace those exam papers. (man, we need to seriously change!)

anyways, the lecture was basically all about the things hospitals had done to avoid any unwanted events, be it errors and mistakes in clinical practice. ok ill try and make it short, im not trying to summarize my lectures here (or prove to anyone that im concentrating in class.hahaha). but at the end of it, they played a video; a re-enactment of a true case happening in a hospital back in UK, where a doctor mistakenly inject a drug meant to be given intravenously, but was injected intrathecally instead. in simpler words, tersalah bagi ubat. why? because of miscommunications here and there, some unwanted circumstances cropping up etc. so basically, that mistake ended up with the death of the patient. and even the two doctors involved in it, quit medicine. T,T

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first of, it made me think of how difficult it is; that being a doctor goes way beyond that. a lot of procedures are involved because you are handling others. i have always thought it was about asking patients questions, and diagnosing them, perform some simple exams, or difficult procedures. i have forgotten all the tiny details you have to take into considerations. like having to confirm and re-confirm your drugs and data countless times with so many people. having to write down a lot of things. all the details really, that may seem irrelevant to you.

but most importantly, what i thought most about was how our Deen has taught us of acceptance; of Qada' and Qadar. in life, not everything is perfect. we all know that. and we ourselves can never be perfect. and we know of our imperfections, through all the mistakes that we have made. some are made after we have tried really hard to avoid it. and some mistakes are made without even us knowing about it. and the mistakes always have consequences, be it on ourselves, or others around us. and seeing that clip, i realized how easily doctors can make mistakes. not just about misdiagnosing, but sometimes misreading things, mislabelling medicines, which all may lead to harming the patient.

but i guess that is the essence behind it all, that all you can do is really put some effort in the things that you do. buat kerja betul-betul, be careful of small details, be mindful of everything. and yet, if things happened the other way around and the blame is still on us, we learn to accept it. because Allah has Decided for it to be that way. especially in deaths. there would be so many different reasons that we can come up with on the causes of death. heart attacks, too much loss of blood, ruptured vessels etc. but deep in our hearts, i guess a Muslim should always know that, it's just his time has come. there and then. it's their time to go back to Our Creator.

and yet, being in Malaysia pun, i'm sure ramai lagi yang belum grasp this concept. let alone if you think of Ireland. where nobody even knows what Qada and Qadar is. so other consequences follow. you might go into court for the mistakes you made, you might be sued etc. it seems unfair, but again, that's just how Allah wants it to be.

i guess what i learnt most that day was that, i'll soon be making mistakes all the time. more physical mistakes that is, because im pretty sure i'm making mistakes all the time too right now. i've heard of a person saying that doctors really do kill people. but the fact is, Allah is just using us doctors as a tool, to be a part of the reason behind those deaths, or any unwanted illnesses. because that is how Sunnatullah works too.

a part of me is scared truthfully, wondering when those time comes, will i be ready to face all of that emotions accompanying them? having to see people die before your eyes, and being a part of the reason behind them all. letting the patient's hopes down, when you tell them that they will be paralyzed for life? fuh, scary. but another part of me is excited too. wondering how much will i learn. how much will it strengthen me inside? most importantly, will it make my iman stronger? wallahua'lam, but i pray they would.

i know i have mentioned this countless times. but i really want to be a doctor. helping others is a part of it, definitely. cari makan pun of course is another part of it. but most importantly it's to help myself. because it is a known fact, that with the right intention, it is definitely a job that brings you closer to Allah. how can it not?

when deaths, hopelessness, and mistakes are all there in front of you;

constantly reminding you every second
that in Allah is where we should all put our trust in.

not the pills,

not the stethoscope,

and definitely not the white-coats.

to You, please make me a doctor. a good Muslimah doctor, please?

ameen. :) *tolong ameenkan ye.hehe*

24th January 2012

White Coat Ceremony.

marking the start of the final half of medicine.

with the PMC kids who will be leaving us soon. huhu T,T

will be with them for another 2.5 years, insyaAllah.

yours truly,

one who's always praying the white-coat stays on :) ameen.

That Rope: Grip it Hard

2012-01-21T13:55:00.002Z

stumbled upon this video. i dare say that this will touch your heart. i cried watching it. i cried again just listening to it. sometimes, you just know, that when the words come from the heart, it will definitely reach another's heart. listening to her story, i felt this heavy feeling inside. jealous, happy, excited and sad. it's an intermingled feeling really. when you just wish, that you could feel like this. at all times. sadly, even in a day, we find it hard for us to really sit down and reflect. to say;

alhamdulillah, ya Allah. You let me think of you today.

alhamdulillah, ya Allah. You are still holding my hand today.

alhamdulillah, ya Allah. i am still a Muslim today. :')

we rarely thank Him for this huge nikmat that we have; that we are blessed with. nikmat iman. whom so many others are finding it hard to find. and yet so many who already have some, rarely wants to keep it. nikmat paling besar. yet we played around with it. doing things that eat away that little bit of iman inside us. making us forget.

back when i was in KMB, there used to be a saying (if i'm not mistaken) that i love to repeat to myself over and over. tentang Tali Allah.

we have an invisible rope, tying us to Him. He's Holding one end, and we are holding the other. jadi janganlah kita bermain tolak-tarik dengan tali Allah. because have we ever think of it; if one day He might just let it go? nauzubillah.

my advice is obvious; let us all try and grip that rope firmly. because in my humble analogy, once it all ends; with that Rope, He'll take us straight up to meet Him. angkat je kita naik. insyaAllah when that final Day comes. when feelings can't even be described. let's pray for it.

ps: and it's interesting really. that this is what Islam taught us about the concept of The Rope. and yet for many out there who don't know, their concept of the rope may be the total opposite from us; when at troubled times, all they want is a hug.. around the neck.. with the rope. nauzubillah.

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وَٱعۡتَصِمُواْ بِحَبۡلِ ٱللَّهِ جَمِيعً۬ا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُواْ‌ۚ وَٱذۡكُرُواْ نِعۡمَتَ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيۡكُمۡ إِذۡ كُنتُمۡ أَعۡدَآءً۬ فَأَلَّفَ بَيۡنَ قُلُوبِكُمۡ فَأَصۡبَحۡتُم بِنِعۡمَتِهِۦۤ إِخۡوَٲنً۬ا وَكُنتُمۡ عَلَىٰ شَفَا حُفۡرَةٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱلنَّارِ فَأَنقَذَكُم مِّنۡہَا‌ۗ كَذَٲلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَہۡتَدُونَ

Dan berpeganglah kamu semuanya kepada tali [agama] Allah,

dan janganlah kamu bercerai berai, dan ingatlah akan ni’mat Allah kepadamu ketika kamu dahulu [masa Jahiliyah] bermusuh musuhan, maka Allah mempersatukan hatimu, lalu menjadilah kamu karena ni’mat Allah orang-orang yang bersaudara; dan kamu telah berada di tepi jurang neraka, lalu Allah menyelamatkan kamu daripadanya. Demikianlah Allah menerangkan ayat-ayat-Nya kepadamu, agar kamu mendapat petunjuk.

[3:103]

alhamdulillah ya Allah.

it's never enough. :')

yours truly,

praying that i'll grip harder.

Oblivious? Bacalah.

2012-01-18T19:40:00.001Z

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the other day, i found a very interesting video coming from UAI's (for those who don't know, it's the initials for Ustaz Azhar Idrus) avid fan, im guessing. by the way, yes i'm also a fan of his. i have high respect for his personality, and most definitely his way of spreading dakwah. i know many people find him a bit harsh. he is, actually. but i find that his funny and straight forward points are great at times, when all we need are some imaginary slaps in the face to get us back to reality; that we all are Allah's creations, created for a purpose (two purposes i suppose; 2:30 & 51:56), and yet we are stupid beings who likes to waste time, dan banyak lagi lah.

anyways, click here for the video mentioned.

rasa best after watching the video. knowing the fact that it's fairly easy for us to seek knowledge nowadays. fairly easy for us to know what is right and what is wrong. just the other day, a friend of mine asked me a question regarding samak, and all i did was googled it. so many webs with all the answers needed. on that note, yes of course, we have to be careful too with the sources of those ilmu agama.

however, one Arab brother spoke of this issue (from the last post i mentioned about going to a halaqah). he expressed his thoughts of how easy for us to seek ilmu nowadays, that all of them are just a click away. but then his next sentence snapped me back from this dream of mine;

"it's so easy for us to find those ilmu,

that i'm afraid our punishment will be 10 times worse in the Hereafter."

when it involves ilmu agama, i always heard of people saying way back then, "tak apa kalau kita tak tahu." which leads to many of us who chose to remain oblivious to hukum-hakam as well as peraturan Allah. especially when it involves small intricate details. for example, you just don't want to know in details about whether we can actually eat out at non-Muslim restaurants, or how Khuf actually works, or if certain cara pakaian is okay or not, or the do's and don'ts when we're in 'love' etc. many of us thought, that it's okay. that Allah will let us go if we did something wrong, dengan syarat we actually don't know that it's wrong.

but when i came here, a sister shared. truthfully, Allah will ask us back, why then didn't we look for those ilmu agama, to know whether those things that we did were wrong or not? because deep down, we all know that those ilmu are always there, they're all from the Al-Quran. i think it's fair for me to say that, in today's world, the statement, "saya tak tahu." is not valid anymore; because the real thing we are actually saying is, "saya tak nak ambil tahu".

betul tak? because nowadays, even if you're not looking for things, it's just there in front of you. hukum tu hukum ni. teguran tu teguran ni. take facebook for example, your homepage is filled with so many great articles and videos of Deen (intermingled with lagho things too sadly), that it's quite impossible for you to remain oblivious to them.

and sometimes, many chose to remain oblivious to small details too, saying that, "agama ni tak menyusahkan." but the thing is, if we thought of it as menyusahkan, of course it will become one. but if we think of trying to make it as perfect as possible, then it won't be menyusahkan after all. kan?

if we can stay up all night, just to find those perfect HD videos of our favourite movies, or dramas, because we want to enjoy the best quality pictures; was it menyusahkan? those many hours googling for the right webs? or when we wanted to surprise our Baby Boo with a birthday party, and decided to make the best chocolate cake possible, and called up his friends, spending hours and hours to cook, planning every single details, was it menyusahkan at that time?

thus, i think it goes back to how much we want certain things. if we really want to present the best of ourselves, applying Deen in every aspect of our lives just like how our prophet Rasulullah S.A.W did; then seeking ilmu agama, even to the smallest of details won't be menyusahkan after all kan?

because in the end we are just His hamba,

susah-susah sikit untuk Dia;

it's the least we can do to the One who Gave us everything. :)

insyaAllah, this is again a reminder to self, first and foremost.

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,

trusting Him, that He's giving me the best in life. ;)

mind rant 2#

2012-01-15T00:50:00.000Z

salam. it's another edition of those mind rant. sorry, a fellow reader gave a positive comment to the last one, so that somehow boost my spirit. alhamdulillah, it seems like my ranting was not that pointless after all. but if they do get pointless, remind me to stop will you? jazakumullah :)

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only a day left till the new term starts, and Allah Knows how unprepared my heart and mind is. there is this small knot deep deep inside my tummy. worried of all the possibilities for this final half of medicine i'm about to embark in. and the fact that the results for last term's awfully-difficult exams are not out yet, only tightens that knot. ugh. but alhamdulillah, maybe Allah is still giving us a chance to continue making du'a for those papers. please dont fail us, please dont fail us, make things easier for our studies ya Allah, we really want to be doctors T,T. ameen ya Rabb.

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made some hard decisions lately, as well as doing some crazy stuff that i have never ever imagined my whole life. somehow, i trust that it has been planned by Him all along, that things ended up this way. some part of me is excited. no, im not putting hopes that all will turn out positive, but the mere thought that Allah Guides this and made me do this and that, somehow feels right; that in a weird way, i dont actually really mind whatever the outcome might be. because it felt like Allah deliberately controls every actions and thoughts of mine. you just feel perfectly safe. best ouh~ :)

it reminded me of a hadith,

Sabda Rasulullah saw dalam sebuah hadist qudsi Allah berfirman:

“Hambaku senantiasa mendekatkan diri kepadaKu dgn ibadah sunnah, nescaya Aku mencintainya. Jika Aku sudah mencintainya maka Aku menjadi pendengarannya dengannya dia mendengar, Aku menjadi penglihatannya dengannya dia melihat, Aku menjadi tangannya dengannya dia bertindak, Aku menjadi kakinya dengannya dia berjalan. Jika dia memohon kepadaKu maka Aku benar-benar akan memberinya dan Jika dia meminta perlindungan kepadaKu maka Aku benar-benar akan melindunginya“

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not to say that i feel like i am the best of hamba right now, so Allah Loves me (though it doesn't hurt to wish for it *cough cough*); but it did remind me of this. gaaah~~ i pray that in this lifetime of mine, there will be a time (many many many times pun tape, all the time pun lagi bagus!) , when He really does love me that much. huu~ because if He Loves us then we would certainly enter Jannah! and we can actually meet Him! *dreamy land* insyaAllah. let us all make that our vision! woot2~

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just now, approximately 4 hours ago, i went to Clonskeagh Mosque near my house, upon being invited by my usrah-mate, Jasmin. so me and Pika head down to the mosque, with the freezing cold wind caressing our face (more like slapping), for the halaqah (a gathering meant to spread reminders?). it was one of those Arab's halaqah, and yes, we were the few Malays there.

it was exciting really, to see a culture totally different than ours. Jasmin is used to it though, since she's so involved with the cool islamic societies in college. (she's awesomely involved with the Arab's brothers and sisters; i can only drool over her awesomeness most of the time, being the hampeh usrah-mate). anyways, within those 1 hour, i learnt so much, alhamdulillah. from the talks as well as from my observations.

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the halaqah was mainly their way of trying to gather muslims' (they were all teenagers mainly) in a weekly meeting; just discussing religious things; be it books, sharing stories of the sahaabah, some experiences in dakwah, some hot issues of the day (just now it was about gays) etc. it was more or less similar to our weekly usrah (by the Malay students here), except that halaqah is in a bigger group.

anyways, the first awesome thing i noted then, was the fact that they were so young! the seats at the front were filled with kids aged 12-15 im guessing. and i've learnt way long ago to accept the fact that if you see Arab guys who looked like they're 25-27, they are actually 17. yes, most of them are all younger than us. i felt thankful in a way, that we have these young brothers and sisters that already cared about Deen at an early age, despite their appearances. (oh my yan, how can you be so shallow? judging people based on their looks. shame on you!). some looked like rock stars, some looked like they are bullies, some seems like they have just finished soccer practice, some looked like those hip-hop kids; but the fact remains that they are all in that room, attending that halaqah on their own accord, wanting to discuss about our Deen. ahh, sejuk hati ibu mengandung. how looks can really deceive us, huh!

then my thoughts flew back home to Malaysia. if we see boys with hip-hop clothes, im guessing they will 95% do only hip-hop, and won't go to these kinds of gatherings. (sorry if i'm being too su'uzon here, *cough cough*). okay let's take another example. 12 year old malaysian kids back home; if we were to grab a handful of them and interviewed them, all they care about would mostly be football and that's about it. this got me thinking, that again, our society needs to start the change. i guess those Arab kids, they were raised in an environment that taught them the importance of seeking ilmu about our Deen. they need to understand their Deen, and just accepting what their parents told them to do; solat 5 waktu, puasa Bulan Ramadhan, pakai hijab; is not enough. they have to understand why they are doing it. thus, i think this is the driving factor of why those young cute harry-potter look-a-likes Arab kids were there in the halaqah.

but our kids? at 12, all we know is we have to do it, if not, then our parents will be angry. that's about it. that's the reason why at 18, they have no regards what so ever with Allah's Rules. menagih dadah, minum arak, berzina. because none of them knew why those rules exist in the first place, why they have to abide to it, what are the consequences that they have to face here in Dunya as well as in Akhirah, etc. they don't understand Deen, that way of life, Guided by Allah. they knew nothing. we learnt nothing of essence during our childhood days, betul tak?

haih. so many things in mind right now. but i hope you guys get what i'm saying, right? i guess there is only so much that we can do, to fix the deteriorating society that we're living in. not to say that we have to leave them all behind, because it's never too late. but i think it's also the time for us to understand that we are the ones that can create the new society. spread the fikrah (understanding) around. to our family, friends, colleagues, your next door neighbour, that guy standing next to you in the bus. start now, with ourselves. and then when we find the right partner, who understand things like we do, and then insyaAllah we will then know better the Do's and Don'ts of raising the next generation. implement the importance of knowing AND understanding what Deen is. don't repeat the same mistakes of the earlier generations.

a great analogy that i've heard of is; dont give them the fish, but teach them how to fish. so don't go telling our kids this and that, what to do and what not to do in Deen; instead teach them why they need to understand their Deen, and the importance of finding guidance in understanding their Deen. itu yang penting kan? (selain dari kerjasama)

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i have a few more awesome points i wished to rant about in here, but since it is me ranting, i'm afraid that it might be too long. so insyaAllah till the next post. toodles and salam ;)

yours truly,

praying these words benefit. Ameen :)

We, The Weird Humans

2012-01-14T15:08:00.000Z

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i came across a picture in MukaBuku. showing 2 malaysian artists. somewhat i think it's a poster to perhaps a new movie or drama. it was a typical pose really (which also leads me to think of how distorted our minds have become, that we begin to accept this as a norm). they were standing reeally close, and the woman as always, wore revealing clothes.

so what captured my attention was not the picture, but rather the status from that hamba Allah. i dont really remember the exact words, but more or less she questioned. when those kinds of pictures, or any obvious hukum-hukum Allah yang dilanggar are circulating around, nobody really actually bothers to give their say in it. but things like that Majlis Sambutan Tahun Baru that became a hit, so many different people condemns it. this and that is wrong, whereas we do know that most of the things they did didn't go overboard. *defensive much?heheh*

my point here is, it's a typical Syaitoonirrajim's way of diverting us from that rightful path. when we stay silent for obvious sinful things done, but for things that are not, somehow we create commotions, scrutinizing the smallest of details, that are perfectly okay in the first place.

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and personally, this is what i learned today. Allah somehow had chosen me to do certain things that are seriously testing my sanity and my faith. (okay, over sikit part sanity tu). so many feelings got involved; anxiety, stressed, confused, excited, worried, you name it.

i was worried of the things that i should do. but Abah's question was easy, am i committing a sin? i said No. then why are you worried? if it's a sin, then go ahead, be worried. if it's not, then all is well. the main point is that i'm still abiding to all His Rules.

that somehow taught me something. i reflected back to how i used to be many years back, when i did things that led me to sins. astaghifirullah. but i don't remember any feelings of being worried at that time. well, yes, maybe to a certain extent it was because i was oblivious to a lot of ilmu.

but somehow i believe that this is how the majority of us humans have turned into. the Weird Humans. when the thing is right, so many thoughts come to mind. of this and that. those was-was feeling whispered by those syaitoonirrojim. yet, when the thing is wrong, eventhough deep down we know it's wrong, those whispers don't come by. most of the time, it's those get-it-over-and-done-with attitude is what we humans opt for.

for example, when you're about to wear a dress that is slightly sexy, you'd thought, okay la. sekali ni je. it's not revealing pun. and that's it. but if we were about to wear something that covers the aurat, that is actually appropriate, all sorts of thoughts came to mind. nanti nampak baik sangat ke? ke orang cakap tak ikhlas? drastik sangat ke perubahan aku ni? bla bla and bla.

so i guess sometimes, when we're making decisions; it's easier to make things simple. answer some simple questions. does it abides to Allah's rules or not? is it sinful or not? and when those creepy whispers comes to mind, say Astaghfirullahala'zim instead. because yours truly, the Red Devils army, are doing their best to stop us from doing what is right.

we, are Weird Humans.

yang Haram selalu dipermudahkan.

yang Halal selalu disusahkan.

of course, these things are easier said than done. but it doesn't hurt to remind one another once in a while. :)
susah nak dapat syurga ni kan? haih~~

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
effort-made.

Generalisasi dan Diferensiasi

2012-01-12T12:39:00.001Z

post ini sangat panjang. you've been warned :)

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i wasn't born in Kelantan. but i was definitely raised there. we came back to Pasir Mas when i was two. *and a half?*. At 5, we moved to Kubang Kerian, near enough Hospital USM that you can see it clearly through the back windows; we stayed there eversince. I went at first to Tadika RIPAS, just a small kindergarten across the road; then proceeded to SK Islah; where i loved all the things that i was involved in, glorious days you should say?; continued to SMSTMFP; i have never imagined any other school, because i wanted us family to be the Farisian family. Abah, Mama, Kakak and Abe went there (and Abe Ammar too). but sadly, 3 months into it (or was it only a month?), i was diagnosed with homesick + chronic gastritis (now i know it's due to over-secretion of gastric juice coming from stress), despite abah and mama coming everyday and the house is just 15 minutes away. :) but that's Allah's plans. because i ended up in SMKA Naim Lilbanat, which i love dearly till this very day. even though i didn't specifically learn about Deen there, but it did form some basis of my characters now. then, i headed to MRSM PC (ironically it's situated beside SMSTMFP, heheh) and i had one of the greatest time there. (and some darkest hours too that i dare not cherish.huhu..)

*cough cough* sorry. that's a tad too much info of my schooling days. my point is, the first 18 years of my life, was spent in Kelantan. i have never had any outside friends. (maybe a few in my highschool) and it was during my pre-college days that i finally truly mingled with those outside of Kelantan.

in KMB, i met those from Melaka, Johor, Kedah (which i find myself almost always very close to those from Utagha na) Seremban, Kuala Lumpur etc. and wanna know the first few fun facts i hear?

1. budak kelantan ni assabiyyah. they don't like to mix with others.

so now if i prefer to have a fellow Kelantanese as my future hubby, i may seem like one ke? but do people know, that my one and only reason is because i dont want to have to think of which kampung i should head back to during Raya? *cough cough* berfikiran jauh sikit.

2. budak kelantan and budak kedah memang akan selalu bergaduh.

when i asked; "but i'm from Kelantan. you're from Kedah. but we're close friend?" "yan lain." somehow that answer is not sufficient enough for me.

3. budak kelantan is perceived as being really bad in English.

"i seriously didn't think you were from Kelantan." upon listening to my first presentation. somehow i find it confusing. is that supposed to be a compliment?

4. taknak kahwin dengan orang kelantan, banyak masalah.

why? they have uncles and aunts who married some Kelantanese, and they had problems in marriage bla bla. some people even make it clear. "cepat-cepatlah kahwin. tapi kalau boleh taknak orang Kelantan." "nenek benci orang Kelantan." kata seorang nenek dari Johor. great. =,=''

5. muka serious tak macam orang Kelantan. @ aah, nampak muka Kelantan.

what's that supposed to mean? i didn't know that facial expressions and dressings can help you differentiate people.

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and the list goes on. i've heard so much that i grew tired of explaining to people that human beings aren't the same. but one thing i finally conclude, that this is what we call Generalization. growing up, i have never heard Abah or Mama say things like, orang Melaka/Johor/Negeri/Kedah/Sabah/Sarawak memang macam itu atau macam ini. (this and that).

if i were to judge a negeri based on a person that i met, then how would that make everybody? i see a lot of teenagers in Kuala Lumpur who go clubbing, doing inappropriate gestures in pictures. so should i say budak Kuala Lumpur memang macam tu? and for those nice friends of mine from Kuala Lumpur, i'd say to them, "you guys are different."?

rather than coming to that kind of generalizations, i'd rather say, those kids have problems. we have the same kind of teenagers everywhere and in Kelantan too, and the Negeri is definitely not to be blamed, but the upbringing of the kids should.

Some people don't want their kids marrying a Kelantanese, because they hear stories of problems in family etc. then should i not marry a guy from Melaka, just because i hear few stories of weird mother-in-laws from Melaka? or those in Johor, because i hear the mother-in-laws would ask weird questions to the future daughter-in-laws, testing the basic cooking skills, scrutinizing every talent we have, before we are accepted into the family? so if my parents are the world's most awesome and coolest in-laws in the world, you would say that they're not the typical Kelantanese?

i guess to a certain extent, we are easily detected in a crowd, and are subjected to generalization; because of our distinct dialects. and also the fact that many of us got twisted tongue (a.k.a bau budu) when we try to not talk in our dialects.

but here is my opinion, to people who still talk about this facts.

stop the generalization. it's hurtful at some point. we human beings are not the same. and every human being have their own imperfections. if you really want to generalize something, then it better be their good points. budak-budak Johor are very funny. those budak KL i know are all cool. This Melaka girl eats healthy. budak Kelantan .........(fill in the blanks with positive facts) etc etc.

stressing on others' bad points does not get us anywhere. rather, i think it increases the hatred/assabiyyah/annoyance in you. and this is not just about sifat kenegerian. it applies to all. be it a group of friends, a society, a jemaah, a political group. don't generalize them because of a few weird individuals or members. nobody is ever the same. remember that.

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Differences should be embraced,

rather than scrutinized;

They help us think.

وَمِنۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ خَلۡقُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَٱخۡتِلَـٰفُ أَلۡسِنَتِڪُمۡ وَأَلۡوَٲنِكُمۡ‌ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ لَأَيَـٰتٍ۬ لِّلۡعَـٰلِمِينَ

Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah menciptakan langit dan bumi dan berlain-lainan bahasamu dan warna kulitmu. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi orang-orang yang mengetahui.

[30:22]

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,

a Muslim. raised in Kelate.

and planning to remain in it too. ;)

mind rant #1

2012-01-10T19:30:00.003Z

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i wish to not rant much about my life in here; because i dont think it benefits much. but here comes one. and mind you, this will be a very random rant. sigh~ sorry. it has become a therapy for me lately. to do some blogging. because it gets this brain of mine going. perhaps leaving some of that congested feeling behind.

im back from my holiday. went to Belgium for 5 days. had one aim there, to pray as much as i can. musafir kan doa dia special sikit. so i hoped for it, and prayed much for it. ranging from anything to almost everything. a bit thankful that we had a longer night-time now that it is still winter. which means that we have to head back to the hotel a little bit early. and usually when you're back, you're drained out. walaupun takde lah jalan jauh sangat. so that leaves the hotel room all quite and perfect for that 'slow-talk' with Him.

and after those days, here i am again. back in my room in Dublin. nothing has changed much. same old, same old. checked some facebook news. seems like a lot has happened. ps: Anwar Ibrahim's story was on the Belgium's news by the way. checked my emails. which leaves this heart of mine all empty again. i don't know why, but lately, it seems harder for me to define what happiness is all about. i smiled, but my insides are not. i laughed, but my heart is tired.

getting old? maybe. homesick? very much. in need of Him? more than ever.

checked kakak's blog. rindu Boolat who's growing too fast. beautifully i may add. *wink* called Abah+Mama. will call again tomorrow. and will text Abe later. amazing isn't it, how Allah makes them all comforting to us? and those close friends, who are far away, you rarely talk to them, let alone see them. but they are the ones who comforts you the most. i find it amazing, when Allah put the love at all the right places.

and then i read some articles from the mind-opener blogs from the right corner. and i think since i'm in those age, any Chenta posts would grab my attention first. *cough cough* yes, typical typical.

Apakah Terlarang Bercinta Sebelum Berkahwin? click.

nah. tajuk tak boleh best lagi ke? i find it very comforting though. in my life, i call this term of 'bercinta sebelum berkahwin' as crushes. when you like someone, and you pray so much that he will propose to you or something. that's how i define it. but sometimes, even crushes can be dangerous. when you sometimes wish for it too much, and forgetting the concept of takdir Allah. so i think it should be done moderately. pray for them as you wish, because He Hears you, but at the same time, leave it to Him to decide what's (or in this case who is) best for you. meaning that if your crush is not the One, then pray that He closes that heart of yours. yelah, over-crushing can get you crushed. so let Him Protect that heart of yours.

but talking to Abah + Mama about crushes somehow ended up differently. they will ask for names, asal mana, universiti mana yadda-yadda. when i ask why, they say: "ibubapa bertanggung jawab untuk mencari pasangan untuk anak perempuan." haha. very funny. but i know all they did was making me feel better :) *i love them with all my heart.*

anyways... reading the post, im guessing that bercinta sebelum kahwin is also those period of 'bertunang'. when you're trying to get to know someone. but since im nowhere near that category, let us all angguk-angguk faham with all the facts given, alright? ookay.

tengok. bab cinta sikit terus merapu panjang. anyways, a friend of mine is getting married soon alhamdulillah. (sebenarnya ada a few lagi.aaaaa~~~) she told me so much about the trials in pertunangan. but she went through it fairly well, alhamdulillah. only a month left, and all that trials will pass insyaAllah. agh. jealous the zealous by the way *i dont know if this word exist*. but here are my reasons of being jealous. i think this post pretty much sums up what i feel. huhu~~ click here. kudos to the one who wrote it. couldn't have explained it any better.

hmm, what else. oh, less than a week left before the new term starts. scary! and this time, all those malaysian classmates of mine won't be there. only the 12 of us will be left behind in my batch. the so called full-course student. we have different classes next term. soon in March, those who are doing twinning programmes will all head back home for PMC; im dreading those days. but it will definitely be something new too. when it's not all about going to classes and lecture notes. it's the 2nd half of medicine, when you're exposed to new things. aghh this will definitely be scary. may Allah ease this. did i mention that i really, realllllyy like, totally realllyy want to be a doctor?huhu~

that's about it. praying that Allah grant my prayers. and the special prayers *cough cough*. and i hope He Grants yours too :) salam peeps.

ps: jangan lupa baca Quran! everyday okay? kalau tak sila slap your own face. :P

pps: another therapy of mine. blogging, and looking up for random beautiful pictures :)

sometimes,

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but,

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so, all is actually well.

stop and say:

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wallahua'lam.

Choosy and Picky

2012-01-03T18:06:00.000Z

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alhamdulillah, many have voices out their opinions about this issue. and mine is not that different either. but i have some additional thoughts about it. may it benefits. :)

*******

lately we've seen much posts in facebook, about the downfall of certain individuals who have studied overseas. i dont think i need to mention specific names here because many have heard enough about them. a genius who chose the path of being a prostitute, an ex-medical student who thinks that we can be both gay and Muslim(?? emoticon: rolling eyes), and the latest topic, an icon for us SPM students a few years back, who have fallen into the trap of living the Western life. basically, all of them happened here, di seberang laut-laut. (read: overseas)

to me, i find it a little bit funny, that our Malaysian news were covering it a leeeettle bit over-proportionately back in Malaysia; mainly the newspapers. (tabloids lain lah, they are created solely for these kinds of stories). but it seems just wrong, for people to dwell over and over about them, going into intricate details about the wrong things that they are doing.

and yet siapa je yang went to them, and help them because they are obviously oblivious to our Islamic teachings? siapa je who reads up about them, and pray that Allah guide them back? siapa je yang listen to their stories, and pray to Allah to keep our iman safe and sound, because we don't even know, what kind of ujian (read: tests), that Allah has given them. have we ever thought about it; that if we were in their shoes, we might have ended up the same way?

we pray Allah won't let us any near those tests and temptations, because iman kita pun entah kuat entah tak. kan?

**********

i dont know if parents back in Malaysia are now thinking more than twice whether to send their kids overseas; what with the news piling up one above the other. seemingly everyone is changing for the worse here. (UK/Eire/US mana-manalah negara overseas).

but the fact of the matter is, all these things happening to these 3 individuals, are happening everywhere, and not just among these students studying overseas, but in Malaysia too. but i guess since it's too widespread back home, where those people changing from modest-budak-kampung to hot-clubbing-chicks are common sights, no one really bothers anymore. to say that there are no gay students, or those turning to prostitution in Malaysia, is a big lie too. the fact that these groups of people are of a large scale, shouldn't be neglected as well.

so why do we have all these commotions with these 3 individuals, whose living far away in the Western world, where Muslims are scarce, and of course the temptations and the culture shock will be bigger. and yet, why are we not that loud in questioning, those abundant youngsters whose going into the dumps on a daily basis in Malaysia; sedangkan they are those who are still under the parents' guidance, living in a so-called Muslim country. why are we not worried about that? is it not a worthy fact that us malaysians should think of? why aren't the news covering about them on a daily basis if it's a big of an issue?

basically the point im trying to make here is, the situation now seems to fit well with the saying that goes;

Semut di seberang nampak, gajah di depan tak nampak.

(which basically means; easily seeing the faults in others, and not in oneself)

but in this case, it can be used literally. we are too busy dwelling with the small number of cases far away, that can't even be solved; and yet before this, we don't even really care about these same thing happening back home. tak pernah nak kisah pun, adik kepada sepupu sebelah abang ipar yang pergi dye rambut, pakai baju ketat, merempit sana-sini. somehow, the fact remains, that we like to gossip a lot. *haih*

i was wondering why the girl became a sudden issue. and some said, "ouh, because she's an icon, and people are shocked from the changes." ah~ i see. so here is my question;

for a sinful doing, does it need to be an icon, or a famous being, before we can be worried about it. so if it's just that teenage kid in your neighbourhood doing the same thing, then it's not that worrisome?

is that how it works?

i guess it has become a norm in our society. where for every sinful things that we see, we somehow contemplate them with certain individuals and not the others. for example, we go gossiping around when we see a hot girl in our school who wears short skirts and dyed her hair, wondering if she's praying or not, this and that. and yet, when we watch the Malay dramas, and out came our favourite actress Liza Surinami who also wears revealing clothes and what not, and yet none of the thoughts came to mind. all we did was drooling over how pretty she is, how cool she is, how we wanna be like her in the movie yadda-yadda.

it goes to show that there is something seriously wrong in our judgments. when sinful things are not judged based on the actions, but based on the action-maker instead. that's how Choosy and Picky we are in life. i guess that's why, Allah itu je yang Maha Adil. humans like us? hmm. i dare say Not.

وَتَمَّتۡ كَلِمَتُ رَبِّكَ صِدۡقً۬ا وَعَدۡلاً۬‌ۚ لَّا مُبَدِّلَ لِكَلِمَـٰتِهِۦ‌ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ

‘Telah sempurna Kalimat-Kalimat Tuhanmu dengan kebenaran dan Keadilan. Tidak ada perubahan-perubahan pada kalimatn-Nya. Ia Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui."

[6:115]

ps: i'd like to state my stand again. you can be jugdmental, for the actions made. but never on the action-maker. a reminder to self, first and foremost. wallahua'lam.

yours truly,

decision made.

just need to be firmer.

may Allah Guides. (unrelated)

Jiwa Itu Kosong

2012-01-01T15:12:00.000Z

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the RCSI girls must've been annoyed with my constant mantra these few days. i've said it so many times, with different dialects, different tone of voice, different acts; :P

"jiwa kosong"

at the back of my mind, i was wondering if uttering these kinds of words meant that something is amiss? mungkin hubungan dengan Dia 'ter'jauh cuti-cuti ni? because we all know it; that if one remembers Him, we will never feel those kinds of feelings; sad, alone, etc.

but come to think of it, just maybe, 'jiwa kosong' is not that bad after all, as it can also be the marker of a new beginning. because that jiwa kosong, will definitely needs a filling.

phase 'jiwa kosong' will be faced by many, specifically those who are like me, a weak hamba Allah whose iman is always going up and down. don't ever assume that 'jiwa kosong' is just felt by those neglected youths, or those addicts, or those people who have strayed too far; those people who seemingly are leading a good life in the human eyes, are also feeling the same thing.

but it is normal.

to feel that way. because once we realize that emptiness inside of us, we will seek for some answers here and there. we will seek for some changes here and there. answers and changes, with the hope that they can fill that empty void of ours.

but it's also a phase where mistakes are made. many out there, mereka rasa 'jiwa kosong' itu, but ended up distracting it rather than fulfilling it. distracting oneself from the void; by having fun, hanging out with friends, laughing at lame jokes, looking for some adrenaline rush, involving oneself in some chenta monyet, looking for that temporary flattering-compliments-crushes love; but distraction will always be just a distraction. it's always temporary. we will forget about that 'jiwa kosong' of ours, but with time, we'd feel it again. unless we understand what we really need, this cycle will just repeat itself over and over and over again.

what we all have to realize is that 'jiwa kosong' itu has to be filled with things related to Him. it may be similar things that i mentioned as 'temporary distractions', but if the niat (read: intention) is right, then insyaAllah it may work wonders in filling that emptiness.

contoh? we may go out with friends, but instead of wanting to have fun and have some laugh, we aim at reminding one another of Allah in that brief meeting. seeking advices ke, sharing-sharing ke etc. if we decided to watch a movie; we shouldn't watch stupid shows that leave us smiling outside but having loud cengkerik noises inside (read: otak tak fikir apa-apa); instead we watch movies that make us think of Him; closer to Him. doesn't necessarily mean it has to be an islamic movie, even watching 3 Idiots can help us reflect, if we watch it with the right intentions. how about that L word? yes, looking for cinta is okay too, if it is to seek tranquility in His Redha.

and there are a whole bunch of things we can do really, and they all can help treat our 'jiwa kosong'; as long as they abide to these simple rules;

1. they adhere to Allah's rules

2. with the right niat (read: intentions)

i've been feeling tired too lately. that Jiwa Kosong phase. no pointing fingers though. i know there is something missing inside. and i am praying hard that Allah will fill it in, pada waktu yang terbaik, dengan cara yang paling baik. ameen ameen ya Rabb.

ps:

i love You.

how many times have we said these 3 words today?

do we have one for Our Creator?

rasanya tak salah pun kan.

and im sure He is always saying I love you too. :')

"Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka [jawablah], bahwasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdo’a apabila ia memohon kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi [segala perintah] Ku dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran."

[2:186]

*one of my faves*

unrelated pic, linked

yours truly,

sedang berdoa, semoga Allah Mendengar :)

Budak Sekolah Rendah

2011-12-31T01:10:00.000Z

i rarely write these kinds of things, not because i dont have my own opinions; but often because there's so much of them out there, that adding yours doesn't benefit much pun. but i guess sometimes it's okay to be vocal about some critical thoughts kan? so here goes; to those who don't understand this; forgive me. i myself am not sure of what im writing, but i just feel like it. to those who get it, if my concept or understanding is wrong, do forgive me too. for i am just a mere being, bound to make mistakes. but it's the only way we will learn in life, kan? :P

******

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kita, hanyalah budak sekolah rendah.

di kampung kita ni, ada beberapa buah sekolah rendah. semua kurikulum berbeza. ada yang fokus pada pelajaran sahaja, ada yang tekankan sports, ada yang tekankan communication skills. tapi in the end, semua nak benda sama, which is to make sure all of them students pass that one exam, the UPSR. because being a good debater, or the fastest runner in that 100m race, is still not enough. we all still need that UPSR scroll to enter Sekolah Menengah.

Kurikulum sekolah yang berbeza ini telah dihasilkan oleh Cikgu-cikgu yang sangat berkebolehan. they are ones who have seen enough and experience enough to come up with those curriculum. if we look at these differences from a bird's eye view, i believe we can all agree that these differences are for the best. they can cater for different types of students. yang introvert sikit, suka study sahaja, masuklah sekolah pertama. yang suka sports, masuk sekolah yang kedua. yang suka bersuara, masuk lah sekolah yang ketiga. janji, masuk dulu sekolah, belajar, dan ambik UPSR tu; along with the extra skills that they wanted.

*******

so what's the problem?

the problem is, these budak-budak sekolah like to fight with one another. fighting over whose school is the best in the kampung. that's why i said, we are all budak-budak sekolah rendah. because we are just starting to understand what our curriculum is all about, and yet we are busy telling others that we are the best. baru je setahun jagung masuk sekolah. it goes to show how immature we are, when all we see is just that.

try tanya Cikgu-cikgu, "Cikgu, sekolah mana yang terbaik?" they will surely laugh at us. because they, who created this curriculum, aimed to attract more and more students into school, to take that UPSR exam. Tak kisahlah sekolah mana-mana pun, sebab semuanya akan ada exam tu, insyaAllah.

questioning which school is the best; really, does it get us anywhere, once we know that our school is the best in the kampung? does it make the other school any less beneficial than ours? does it make those students in those other school stupider? does it make the teachers in the other schools any less reliable?

if we question these things just to know which is the best for us, and which can help us score better in that UPSR exam, i guess it's fine. but if it's just to make you feel better about yourself, because you are a part of that so-called best school, then i suggest we take some time off. look deep into our Hearts, apa yang kita nak sebenarnya?

*******

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it's not enough to ask; yang manakah yang terbaik?

but the best thing to ask is; yang manakah yang terbaik untuk saya?

because eventually all of them aimed for the same thing. the most crucial point we should consider is, which medium will help us in making full use of our abilities, for the better. that's what i believe, we all should be looking for. and every person, have their own reasons for why they chose some things, and not the other. so let them be, asalkan tak langgar hukum Allah. if the things they chose are for the better, i think it's something we should be thankful for.

sama seperti cari pasangan lah. you don't go around just looking for the perfect partner; ok beragama, check; cantik, check; keturunan baik, check; sekufu, check; all those checks still won't mean a thing, if the Heart is not settled. dalam apa-apa pilihan pun, when the Heart is settled, when you can say that you have chosen one thing and make the best out of it; that is the right choice. and your choice will always be different than others because we all are created differently, and we all have our own reasons for the choices we make.

thus, let us all stop with the immature questions.

learn to accept, give and take.

husnuzon (think positive of others)

we all are living in a community, start by being a part of it.

even if we feel like the others are not making any effort, at least we know we've tried.

but again,

this is just an opinion.

coming from a mere budak sekolah rendah.

who wishes that all schools will produce 5As students all around.

wallahua'lam.

im not THAT serious

2011-12-29T01:13:00.001Z

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T,T

kakak says im too serious that she's scared of reading my blog lately. (except the penyejuk hati one, cause she ended up calling Abah asking what's hers.haha) so here is me saying that im still the same little sist lah.

one who talks different impromptu-alienic language with you just to confuse the cute mama.

one who joins forces with you pretending lin is invisible just to scare her.

one who says 'Laf To You too' back, instead of 'I love you too' that makes everyone around us wonder if we are that bad in English?

one who still misses the time you'd come by KMB and stayed in the room, just to exist in one's world. ;)

one who still misses the sleepovers at your 'bujang' house, when you would wake me up early and make me nasi goreng + nugget.

those times had passed.

but the memories will always be there.

but no worries, cause new ones are being made too.

i've enjoyed every single moment and talks i had with you;

and am enjoying them still.

and they are what makes you the best and coolest Big Sister in the whole wide world.

thank You, for lending me you.

ps: is this an attempt to make you read my blog again? yes, it definitely is.

Laf To You kakak! :)

pps:

but there's one definite time i know that im serious;

when im praying that we both will end up in His Jannah. :)

us, 5 years ago :)

Taman Itu

2011-12-27T00:22:00.000Z

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it's winter gathering time all over again. it's my third time this year, commemorating my third year here in Ireland. alhamdulillah. i chose to go to PUISI again just like last year, for no specific reason though. there are a few others going on around. PMS in Lake District, JUMS in Manchester, FIGO, FUIYO you name it. but i see them all the same, they are all 'taman syurga'.

so here i am, fresh from a great 4 days and 3 nights stay at a place, overseeing the sea. subhanallah cantik. but i've made the mistake of not bringing Mr Olly with me. so i dont have any pictures of:

1. those beautiful waves that made me go 'aaahhhhh' everytime i see them that even Nasreen (my partner-in-crime there) gets annoyed; because when i say everytime, i MEAN every single time.

2. Giant Cosway. (finally sampai jugak). despite having to fight the strong wind that makes my face all numb because it was so cold.

3. me crossing a bridge aka jambatan gantung, crossing over 2 steep cliffs. Abah will kill me, but i already did it. hoyeah! (despite the shaky legs and the feeling of something stuck in your throat). it's a great achievement i must say, considering i'm one who's gayat (read: scared of heights) even when i'm on a 3rd floor building.

3. me having to meet my bestie from Galway, my Lyntot. though us three musketeers Me, Lyn and Sreen took a lot of pictures. and with Amal too!! :)

4. me having to meet great people in those group activities, listening to others' perspectives and experiences.

5. of the great speaker flown all the way from Malaysia, Ust Shaari. with his ever-so-sweet wife and their first baby, yang extra comel.

6. of the huge white marque we were in, that shakes terribly because of the wind; but was standing strong all the way till the very last day.

7. of that night me and nasreen went out with our pajamas, and had our 'UFO-talk', enjoying the dark night while talking about a lot of things. enjoying the breeze from the shore, the sight of the lighthouse from the island across us. (eventhough it might be creepy, with us in our dark winter-coats. talking while hoping to spot UFOs. on that note; we agreed that they are not extra-terrestrials, but may be either jin or syaitoon.hehe)

well basically, what i'm saying here is, i had a great time, Allah-willing. i went there to seek ilmu, to not waste my time, to learn new things; and like always, Allah will surely give us more than what we bargained for, way more. alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. and im sure that elsewhere in other programmes, everybody felt the same way too.

********

on the last day, Nasreen kept on saying 'tak nak balik'. of how she wished she could spend more time in these kind of things. hating the fact that this feelings will go away in a few days time. naudzubillah. i didn't feel what she felt, and so i only gave her encouraging words. that it's normal, but we can always pray that Allah keep those feelings.

then later when we arrived at Dublin, we stopped by the mosque before heading home. i was preparing to make du'a after the prayers; that's when some things just flashed before my eyes.

remembering how great it has been, those 4 days and 3 nights. when what everybody talks about is Him. when all of us woke up early in the morning for qiam together. lari-lari anak kecil into that white cold marquee for our jemaah prayers. when all we listen to were great stories of those with firm beliefs in our Deen. at times we're seriously listening, at times we were discussing, at times we were laughing; but all those time, insyaAllah we were all rememebering Him.

then that scared feeling came. upon realizing that this taman syurga wont last. that i will eventually go back to reality, where taman-taman syurga has to be sought on my own. and i have to create them on my own. i prayed so much, that Allah would keep us in those taman syurga, for the rest of our lives. and that the next one will be The Jannah. it's definitely not easy, because of our iman yang turun naik, but it's not unattainable either. so prayers is all i have to offer at that time; praying whole-heartedly that Allah keep us safe and sound.

at that time; nasreen came and hugged me;

"habis baru nak sedih."

T,T

*********

well ya Allah, it's saddening because we all are weak abid (read: hamba) of yours, but in You we put our trust. we will make the effort insyaAllah. because how much effort we put in seeking your taman-taman syurga in this Dunya, somehow reflect how much we want Your Jannah. so this question always comes to mind;

kalau taman-taman syurga pun kita tak kejar,

what makes us think that we all are eligible to enter His Jannah?

do we really want It?

so make the effort guys.

cari taman-taman syurga tu.

and we will find Him,

waiting for us in The Jannah that we all prayed for

insyaAllah.

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“Apabila kamu melalui Taman Syurga, maka ikutlah atau masuklah kamu padanya. Bertanya salah seorang sahabat: Apakah Taman Syurga itu, ya Rasulullah? Sabda Rasul: Yaitu Halqah-halqah dzikir (lingkaran orang berzikir)”.

(HR. Imam Tarmizi).

“Apabila duduk suatu kaum mengucapkan dzikir ALLAH, maka melingkungi akan mereka malaikat-malaikat dan meliputi akan mereka Rahmat dan turut atas mereka SAKINAH (ketenangan jiwa) dan ALLAH menyebut mereka pada sisi-Nya”.

(HR. Imam Muslim)

What Goes Around, Comes Around

2011-12-21T15:02:00.002Z

i am 22 now. and i think it's old enough; to figure things out more, to dwell deeper into things. but sadly many still just don't.

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instead; we are worrying how would guys see us, pretty enough? worrying how many of them would want to add us in facebook later on. worrying how many would click that Like button below our pictures. worrying this and that.

worrying about the physical appearance, at this age, just because of the opposite sex, for me, it's just too much. shouldn't we all realize by now; that Allah is able to take them anytime? that so-called beauty of ours.

at that time, what do we have to offer? when our dresses, selendang and ornaments wont be there to help us. the jeweleries, the weird-styled hijabs, this and that. what do we have to offer, then?

beauty, if followed by what the society says, can never really get you anywhere; maybe perhaps that spot on the cover of magazines, or the latest malay movies. but real beauty, is always what is defined in our Deen. Beauty, is what's in the heart.

Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda:

“Ketahuilah, di dalam tubuh itu ada segumpal daging.

Bila ia baik maka baik pulalah seluruh tubuh.

Dan apabila ia rusak maka rusak pulalah seluruh tubuh.

Ketahuilah itu adalah hati.

(HR Bukhari dan Muslim)

just like how Islam has defined what Kecerdikan is. whilst we would define it as those getting 20As, or those who scored in exams, or those who's able to find weird solutions of every single math problems; we were taught otherwise:

Sabda Rasulullah:

"Orang yang paling cerdik adalah orang yang sentiasa mengingati mati."

(Riwayat Ibnu Majah dan Ibnu Abidunya.)

and the list goes on. so it's frustrating really, when girls would lose that extra cloth; not covering the chests, or the shirt is just a little bit higher up than normal; just because we want that little extra attention from kaum Adam. it's frustrating, to see others putting on that extra spray, just to give that whiff to total strangers. apa guna tarik perhatian 50 orang lelaki, because eventually you'd want to end up with one? and that can only be great with His Izin.

but if the process involves breaking 50 rules of Allah, then i guess, what you give is what you get. in anything that we do, remember Allah. because What Goes Around, Comes Around. later in the Hereafter, if not now. and believe me, later in this sense does not make things any better.

linked
*what we should be looking for, is not people who wants us for how we look.
but those who want to walk with us together to Jannah.*

yours truly,

one who have countless of wrongdoings in this area alone.

way imperfect. but that doesn't mean i cant say what is right and what's not.

kan?

Those Days

2011-12-21T01:29:00.001Z

linked

it's one of those days again.

when i feel so tired of myself.

not being able to put a finger on what's bothering me most.

because too much has happened. intertwined with one another.

is it the environment?

is it the wrong things others are doing?

is it the wrong things I myself was doing?

is it the fact that we know its wrong, yet we're not doing anything about it?

is it the fact that we ourselves dont know what the hell are we doing there in the first place?

when life is not Allah-oriented,

everything will be not-quite right, if not plainly wrong.

you may have fun, but you're just not happy.

you may eat a lot, but you're just not that full.

you may laugh, but you find it not that truly funny.

so you ended up tired.

really tired of how life has become.

then you're back home, flipping through some verses of the Quran.

and then you realized how great He is, for still giving you a chance to remember Him.

instead of letting you go with the wordly flow.

He still Gives you a chance to think of Him, despite just before,

you were doing things that show so little of your remembrance of Him.

He, who Watches you forgetting Him countless times, but never ever Leave your side; instead He Gives you more.

jadi tak malu ke kita, untuk buat benda tanpa fikir tentang Dia? tanpa fikir berapa banyak hukum Dia yang kita lawan?

but i guess, most of us really just dont care about Him. but do remember, that when that One Day (read: Hari Pembalasan) comes, the only one who can take care of us is Him. ask ourselves, do we think we deserve His Protection at that time?

our actions NOW will decide.

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,

a truly weak hamba. T,T

Penyejuk Hati

2011-12-18T14:22:00.000Z

linked

once, i had a deep thoughtful conversation with Abah. of how does he feel about bringing up his children? how did he manage? how does he blend in with all our different characters? i think that the conversation actually stems up from Dad having advised me not to do this and that to my little sister, because it's not her style. that got me. cause it goes to show that he really does treat us accordingly; understanding every behaviour, every tantrum thrown by each of his child. (walaupun takde lah ramai sangat. empat je.hehe)

i am amazed, with all these differences, yet he and Mama still manage to make all of us felt that we are the most loved one, compared to the others. *haha* because everytime we have something extra, we would brag it to one another. like when Abah was kissing one's cheek in front of others ke, we would go loudly saying, "eh apa? ni anak abah paling sayang sekali?" hehe. dont worry, it's a healthy competition. it's not that we really fight for that spot. we all knew that we all are dearly loved. ^^,

sometimes, we siblings did ended up having conversations that we shouldn't be saying those things out loud. because Abah and Mama will be too happy. knowing that they had done their job well, that all of us felt we are the most loved one. ceh!

anyways, back to my conversation with Dad. so he sort of explain how each and every children of his, fills different parts of his heart. each role was profound, that you don't really get jealous of the others. and mine was, Penyejuk Hati. wuu.. rase nak nangis time tu. for my parents to feel that way about me, whilst i know for a fact that there had been so many things and words that might have hurt them indirectly. for giving me that title, i vow to myself that day i dont want to let them down with that. because to think of his children like that, they must've trusted us, whole-heartedly. :')

kalau betul penyejuk hati, my words should always soothes them, kan?

kalau betul penyejuk hati, my actions would always be respectful to them, kan?

kalau betul penyejuk hati, my doings will not hurt them at all kan?

kalau betul penyejuk hati, i should always be bringing them to Him kan?

*teary teary*

Abah + Mama may not realize it, but it has affected me since. that there is so much more that i need to do. my one and only aim right now, is to work hard, along with them, in this journey towards that Final Happy Ending, insyaAllah. which is to be in His Jannah. because Allah, this lowly servant of yours, would really, really want to meet You on that fateful day, along with her AbahMama.

so, how about you?

what's your part?

be sure to find one, and make the best of it.

ameen.

‘Abd Allah ibn ‘Amr radhiallahu 'anh menerangkan bahawa seorang lelaki datang kepada Nabi shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dan berkata:

“Sesungguhnya aku datang untuk memberi janji taat setia (bai‘ah) kepada engkau untuk berhijrah, akan tetapi aku meninggalkan kedua orang tuaku dalam keadaan menangis.” Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam berkata kepadanya:

“Kembalilah kepada mereka berdua dan jadikanlah mereka berdua ketawa (gembirakanlah mereka) sebagaimana kamu jadikan mereka menangis.”

[explanation of hadith, click here]

linked

yours truly,

slightly home sick.

That Tukang Kasut

2011-12-18T02:12:00.000Z

I seek protection from God against the Devil

In the name of Allah,the Most Gracious,the Most Merciful

linked

tonight, i have been profoundly reminded, of how much i need His Protection, against all those subtle whispers from syaitoon. that even doing a simple thing like reminding others, may have not benefited us or others like how we wanted it too, but has in fact pushed us even further away.

jazakillah khairan kathira Atiqah. for sharing this movie with us. one of the best 2 hours spent tonight. it's been so long since i have had these kinds of emotions while watching a movie. alhamdulillah. all praises goes to You. i pray Allah would forgive me and everyone insyaAllah, for all the sins that we have made. more so the unrealized ones. of riak, takabbur and ujub.

"we are the chosen ones. we have been chosen." now, more than ever, i think these words shouldn't be uttered too much. it should always be with an 'if', IF You have chosen me to be here ya Allah, then make me a mukhliseen. IF you have chosen me to do something ya Allah, then make me a mukhliseen. IF You have chosen me to say something ya Allah, then make me a mukhliseen.

as for that Tukang Kasut, here is the link for the movie. such a profound story with the biggest of impact, Alhamdulillah. i pray that all the people involved in it will be given hidayah. that they too, will get the message that they are putting across. because it's a great waste, if it didn't. so to those of you who might watch it, do pray for the casts and crews involved. pray that as much as you have received the impact from it, that they will receive it too, Allah-willing.

thank you Tukang Kasut. i've learnt a lot. but i'll only share one in here. the rest you can feel them for yourself insyaAllah. here goes:

apa yang kita kejar adalah redha Allah, so search for it while we still have Time. even if it's through the smallest of act. never feel ridiculed by the size of the thing that we are doing. make sure it is just to seek His Redha, because that should always be our ultimate aim in whatever that we do. and always bertaubat. because we are constantly mingled with sins.

ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa kami.

and please keep us safe in Your blanket, dunya wal akhirah.

ameen.

"Katakanlah: "Hai hamba-hamba-Ku yang melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri, janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa [1] semuanya. Sesungguhnya Dialah Yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang. (53) Dan kembalilah kamu kepada Tuhanmu, dan berserah dirilah kepada-Nya sebelum datang azab kepadamu kemudian kamu tidak dapat ditolong [lagi]. (54) Dan ikutilah sebaik-baik apa yang telah diturunkan kepadamu dari Tuhanmu [2] sebelum datang azab kepadamu dengan tiba-tiba, sedang kamu tidak menyadarinya, (55)"

[39: 53-55]

p.s: it may be just a typical story, that we have often heard of. but sometimes, typical stories are ones that get you the most. so to readers, if it's not that bothersome, do share with me what you have gained from it. i like to hear what others felt too.~

yours truly,
in need of constant cleansing.
of the Heart and Soul. :'(

of Koyak, Strength and Khadijah (ra)

2011-12-17T01:35:00.002Z

linked

be warned: ini post cinta.yang panjang lagi membosankan.

apologies for all things cheezy. isk. =,=''

******

seeing others finding their other halves, is like you watching cute babies. it makes you smile, when you see them smile. it's always a happy event.

tapi,

sometimes i ended up having mixed emotions instead. (ceh. nak cakap nak kawen jugak la tu) haha. no. that will not be my point for today. i've written about it once before. (read here) it's something that has been in and out of my thinking box for some while; just like a house-fly which is about to die, flying heavily and lazily around, buzzing in a distance.

*********

marriage. one will always wish for the best of the other half. the perfect one. i guess Perfect really does exist, because like beauty, it lies within the eyes of the beholder. so in this testing and scary world, we want that Perfect half more than ever. to help us face Dunya, which is always trying to push our most valuable yet most vulnerable thing of all, down; which is our iman.

kalau dulu kat sekolah, i'd always have a soft spot for 'stok surau'; that's what they would call it back then. no, not that lovey-dovey soft spot (eventhough i do have my fair share of crushes that i'd like to leave them all behind darkly in the past =,='') most of the time it's just that sense of respect towards them. these young people who recite Quran so beautifully bila solat jemaah kat surau sekolah/college. these young people who wore kopiah/songkok, not caring about looking cool or not. these young people who don't mingle with girls much. these young people who talk about Deen more than football. these kinds of young people.

and with age, of course that soft spot has been softer. maksudnya, i want my other half to be one of them. one who tries his best in heading towards Him, in the first half of his journey, who would then take my hand and guide me, together in the rest of the journey. when he'd be my Ali, and i'd be his Fatimah.

but inevitably, this is the sad part, at least for me.

knowing that im nowhere near that definition of Fatimah.

yes, im speaking metaphorically here. because we all can never be one.

and so, i will always feel that little prick of hurt, whenever i see articles or heard stories that touched this point. no, im not blaming anyone here. we all have our share of principals with how we choose our partner. but for a girl who prays for a good guy like them, and yet having to listen and read of things like this coming from them;

"tapi bila tiba urusan bernikah, lebih utamakan calon pilihan sendiri, ex-schoolmate, kawan lama dan sebagainya lantas meninggalkan a*****t yang sama berjuang dengan kita."

ah~ ape orang kate? koyak. =,='' but because the reasons behind it are noble, i really dont have a say in it. and thus all i'm left with is this tinge of gloominess. that i am dreaming too big.

because around me, i see friends yang sedang berjuang itu. the ones that should rightfully be with those kinds of guys. these beautiful ladies, wanita-wanita syurga. who are all aiming to be like Sayidatina Aisyah R.A. giving their all out. sacrificing so many things. they're nowhere near the typical definition of weak dependent girls. because they are ones who seek Allah themselves. charging towards any obstacles like Khaula al Azwar.

unlike me, who sits in front of her lappy, adoring the first Ummul Mu'minin instead. loving it; when she put that blanket on our Prophet p.b.u.h, and said those encouraging and soothing words towards him, the time when he was dead scared after receiving the first wahyu; when she prepared the essentials for him before he headed off to Gua Hira'; when she would always go check on him herself should he be there too long; and if he's still not able come back, she would be home, patiently waiting for his return; and even the smallest of acts like preparing the water for his wudhu'. i loved them all. of how she has been the Prophet's strength.

like Khadijah (r.a), i want to be someone's strength too (through Him of course). that shoulder to cry on. the one poeple turn to. be it as a daughter, a sister or even a friend. and Allah willing, be the strength of the other half too, even if im not directly out and about with him. as of this moment, this is what i love, it's what i am (at least i think i am) and what i want to be. so if it means i have to stop that 'stok-surau' crushes of mine; or stop dreaming big, then be it.

because in the end, we can never really know what is best for us and what is not.

and prayers, (and maybe some orang tengah. haha) are all that you need.

people would always say "match-made-in-Heaven."

it's because Allah is the One who's matching and making it all.

goodbye stupid koyak mood.

hello Qada'. hello Qadar. :)

وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيۡنَيۡكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعۡنَا بِهِۦۤ أَزۡوَٲجً۬ا مِّنۡہُمۡ زَهۡرَةَ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا لِنَفۡتِنَہُمۡ فِيهِ‌ۚ وَرِزۡقُ رَبِّكَ خَيۡرٌ۬ وَأَبۡقَىٰ (١٣١) وَأۡمُرۡ أَهۡلَكَ بِٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَٱصۡطَبِرۡ عَلَيۡہَا‌ۖ لَا نَسۡـَٔلُكَ رِزۡقً۬ا‌ۖ نَّحۡنُ نَرۡزُقُكَ‌ۗ وَٱلۡعَـٰقِبَةُ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰ (١٣٢

And strain not your eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to various groups of them (polytheists and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh), the splendour of the life of this world that We may test them thereby. But the provision (good reward in the Hereafter) of your Lord is better and more lasting. (131)And enjoin As-Salât (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salât (prayers)]. We ask not of you a provision (i.e. to give Us something: money); We provide for you. And the good end (i.e. Paradise) is for the Muttaqûn (pious and righteous persons - see V.2:2). (132)

yours truly,
de-stressing after exam ;)

We Can, but We Choose Not To

2011-12-11T11:43:00.001Z

وَهَدَيۡنَـٰهُ ٱلنَّجۡدَيۡنِ

"Dan Kami telah menunjukkan kepadanya dua jalan

(jalan kebajikan dan jalan kejahatan)."

[90:10]

first off, i'd like to apologize beforehand, for this post i'm making yang akan berbaur judgmental. manusia. tipu siapa yang kata mereka tidak judgmental. because everyday, you have to judge what to do and what not to do. judgmental of the actions made (by you and others), but not judgemental of the individuals.

for example; someone raised his/her voice in front of his parents.

the right judgments made: tidak elok. a sinful act. (tegur terus, or doakan dia)

the wrong judgments: orang ni memang tak boleh pakai, kurang hajor @#$%^%&^*

so back to my post.

i find myself redirected to a malaysian blogger, younger than me, via an article about our Deen. it was a good reminder. so i continued looking around. only to find posts about fashion and styles, what she ate that day, how shopping is a good way to release stress, so on and so forth.

followers: 40,000

comments for each post, berpuluh-puluh.

liked by many.

one particular post that i regretfully read, was about her showing the differences between her face, with and without make-up. the point she's trying to make? wallahua'lam. the comments by readers? abundant. ranging from "cantik je" to...er, "cantik sangat."

anyways, what amazes me most is of course the amount of followers it has. it made me realize how large the blogging community is (Malaysian teens specifically speaking.) and yet, these kinds of blogs are what attracts them the most. discussing superficial things, of nothing that will leave that strong deep impact in your heart.

if followers are what we are looking for, then i guess we all know what we should be babbling about in our blogs. for me, i know there's a whole bunch of stuff i can talk about in here;

like my collections of dresses and selendang, (cause it seems like the 'IT' thing nowadays);

from Zara, to H&M, to TopShop to Pashminas bought in Morocco etc

linked

or my how-to to a healthy lifestyle;

from doing weights to eating dates to psychogenic water drinking.

linked

or of the places that i have been to;

Morocco Paris London Barcelona Andalucia Scotland bla bla.

linked

or of the daily beauty regimens;

from facial wash, shampoo, uses of olive oil and all the good stuff.

linked

my point here is that, truthfully, i and so many out there, are just normal girls too. we all lead a similar life of many those out there. thinking of clothes to wear, loving all the pretty stuff, wanting to eat properly so not to be chubby etc. we all have the options of telling these all through our blogs, but we just don't. why? because for me, everytime i wanted to write in here, there is this simple question;

which one weighs more for my Akhirat account?

that long post about my prettiest collection of dresses and skirts;

or a single post reflecting about a hadith or a verse in the Quran?

we all know the answer to that, insyaAllah.

but of course, i too am having problems about this. (kalau tak takde la post ntah pape before this =,=''). but it's okay, because that is an ujian that Allah has prepared for every single moment that we have in our lives. of choosing between two things. some things are obvious, when it comes to choosing between Bad and Good. but the hardest ones are always choosing between the Good, Better, and the Best. and sadly enough we rarely choose the Best, because it will always be the hardest thing to do.

as of blogging, of course it's a great feeling to have people following your blog and positive comments about it. it's always a confidence booster. but in the end, the vital question is always this, are we pleasing others, or pleasing Him?

blogging about beauty, fashion, gossips;

is always something that we can do, but we just choose not to.

sebab bila campur tolak tambah,

what benefit can we bring with us to akhirat,

when we talk about colour-matching clothes?

wallahua'lam.

of Pen + Pages

2011-12-11T00:08:00.001Z

to convey a good message doesn't necessarily have to be a long one.

doesn't necessarily have to be a well-written one either.

sometimes a sentence will do.

or even just a picture.

to not share anything, kononnya sebab busy exam,

is a very selfish thing to do, or more of a waste.

when anyone out there may bump into your blog,

and read an ayatul quran or two;

and benefit from it.

(ok. macam panjang jugak. =,='')

so here is my favourite excerpt of a hadith for the moment.

(ayat status facebook.heheh)

feel like craving it in here for my future self.

and anyone who reads this.

"the Pens have been lifted,

and the Pages have dried."

full hadith here.

and it takes courage and understanding,

to believe in this;

that life, is no coincidence.

حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل

"Cukuplah Allah menjadi Penolong kami

dan Allah adalah sebaik-baik Pelindung."

[3:173]

found on link

salam to all.

ps: 1 paper down. 5 more to go. pray for me + friends!!

jazakumullah~

a Daunting Beauty

2011-12-08T21:29:00.001Z

image + news from link.

Dauntingly beautiful isn't it?

the huge wave, amidst the beautiful calm sky above.

"And We send the winds fertilizing (to fill heavily the clouds with water),
then caused the water (rain) to descend from the sky,
and We gave it to you to drink, and it is not you who are the owners of its stores

[i.e. to give water to whom you like or to withhold it from whom you like]"

[15:22]

Allah.

He always Mentions contradictory things like;

Maha Menghukum, yet Maha Pengampun.

to remind us to be fearful of His punishments, yet hopeful for His mercy and rewards.

etc etc.

dauntingly beautiful, kan?

both His Creations and His Words.

and definitely perfect.

yours truly,

back to my finals. =,=''

doakan please~ :)

XD

2011-12-07T21:21:00.001Z

found on link

heheh.

study break.

Of Keeping Silent and L.O.L.ing

2011-12-06T01:15:00.001Z

found on undefined

i should be sleeping. because i've got tons to study. and there's only a few days left. but no, im here again, in this blog of mine. *haih* i came across a situation today (more like read things off facebook). i had the urge to write back then, but i thought that i might as well keep it till after the exam.

but it might slip my mind. so here goes.

*****

Facebook. we all know about the Home page. where people's updates are all there for you to see. some will catch your eye, most will not. it's also where people show of their PDA (read: public display of affection), and we all would be so annoyed of having to read or see all the mushy things. but that was back then, when most of us didn't know about the Hide buttons.

where am i going at this again? ugh. sorry. blame the drugs and hormones that im confused about just hours ago. so back to my story. today a person shared a video on her/his wall. from the looks of it, seems like a typical "saya-nak-ajar-orang-pakai-selendang" tutorial video. come to think of it, i really don't quite know why i clicked it. it was more of a reflex.

so the video was made by a Muslim Malay girl. and yes, i do agree that hers was quite different from others. different as in totally different. it was not even a tutorial selendang whatnot video. and yes, she has a very 'unique' personality too i should say. maybe not one that can blend in with us typical beings. =,=''

truthfully, when i watched it, my only conclusion was; "adoihh..." that's it. i have no desire whatsoever to comment about how she looks, what she says, or how she speaks. because, the fact is, there is no substance in it. and why would we busy ourselves to discuss about it? unless of course we want to really advise her, then please do so. but of all the comments in youTube, none of them was even close to nice. some tried, but it was only a mask of introduction, because in the end what they wanted to do was just bash her.

yes, there were some wrong things in the video that we all can reflect upon. but what frustrate me the most was the comments in facebook; on the wall of the one who posted the video in the first place. i thought it was their friend or something. but no, they were just sharing it for fun. posting it on facebook, so that you could bash about some random girl with your friends? astaghfirullah.

LOLing here.

LOLing there.

making fun of everything.

as if they are the cool ones.

at that point, whatever the girl in the video did, is nothing compared to what all these people did. they might think that they are better than her, because that's why they are laughing and bashing about her together; publicly in facebook. but in my eyes (if not in His Eyes), the bashing ones were all downgrading themselves, with every hateful comment they made, jokingly or not.

it's one thing to talk bad about people who did bad things to us,

(not to say that it's right because it's still wrong)

but it's a totally different thing to talk bad about people who have nothing to do with our lives.

there should always be a clear cut, with how you handle what others have done wrong. but one thing for sure, you dont go telling others about it, embarrassing the guilty ones; who may not even know what they did wrong. but one thing that we all know for sure, is that it's wrong to go parading about others' flaws and faults... as if we dont have any. =,=''

our Deen has always laid down the basics to how we handle someone's obvious wrongdoings;

Rasulullah Saw besabda,

“Barangsiapa di antara kamu melihat kemungkaran, maka hendaklah ia mengubah dengan tangannya.

Maka barangsiapa tidak mampu (mengubah dengan tangannya),

hendaklah ia mengubah dengan lisannya,

dan barangsiapa tidak mampu (mengubah dengan lisannya),

hendaklah ia mengubah dengan hatinya,

tetapi yang demikian itu adalah selemah-lemah iman”

(HR Muslim).

but if we cant seem to follow these beautiful steps;

then i suggest we all do this;

found on this link

keep silent.

way better than Laughing Out Loud about others.

because we are no better than them.

i'll end today's post with:

astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.

May He Forgives;
you and me,
for our Unrealized Sins.

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
reminding others while reminding myself.

a girlish girl

2011-12-05T21:43:00.001Z

exam in 4 days. and here i am taking a break.

thought of posting some beautiful pictures i bumped into.

and collected.*wink*

man-made though.

doakan saya dan kawan-kawan please.

that with all these hardships,

we all will be great doctors.

ameen :)

ps: Mama has been telling me she wants to make my wedding all white + soft pink.

hmm.. =,=''

found on undefined

found on http://catrinaaadotlove.tumblr.com/

found on http://middlechildcomplex.tumblr.com/#132

ayat for the night;

For truly with hardship comes ease;

truly with hardship comes ease.

(Surat al-Inshirah: 5-6)

ouh.and i miss this BooLat of mine.

macam muka aunty chik la kan kan? *wink*

yours truly,

a girlish girl at heart.

*sambil bajet buat muke paling cute dengan tanda peace* =,=''

(err..blame the finals.huhu)

a woman's heart

2011-12-04T15:20:00.001Z

*will totally do this kind of photoshoot. pakai jubah. comel T,T*

bumped into this quote last month or so.

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God

that a man has to seek Him just to find her."

Max Lucado

beautifully said.

and to think that this quote was coming from a non-Muslim.

how can he not know Islam, yet is able to say such beautiful words?

how can he not know Islam, yet he's able to put us women on a very high pedestal?

it must be fitrah.

*****

the best of relationships;

is when Allah is watching over it.

from start till the very end.

and the best starting point is always istikharah kan?

prayers to all of you out there.

may you find your right ones;

through Him.

yours truly,

of Hawa & Tempat Utama

2011-12-01T21:12:00.001Z

by *TheSkyEtc

semalam tengok satu video. (tak perlu click pun, tp if curious sila.)

filled with sooo many pretty ladies a.k.a moms.

tapi semua tengah beteriak situ sini.

tengah semangat, mungkin.

berkobar-kobar mempertahankan pendapat mereka, mungkin.

i even had to lower down my lappy's volume. =,=''

i watched it till the end.

not much substance in it, truthfully.

ambik handphone.

tengok gambar abah and mama.

smiled :)

alhamdulillah.

Allah bagi mama yang sgt comel lagi ayu.

Abah's strength.

our strength too.

she doesn't need to raise her voice to teach us things.

she doesn't need to go here and there to show us how strong she is.

she doesn't need to be an extrovert person to prove to us that she is capable of anything.

that's a true woman to me;

one who abides to Allah's rules

and stays loyally beside her man, as his other half;

whilst making sure her anak-anak do the same too;

as well as anyone else within her reach.

these to me, leads to the women's rightful place.
menjaga rumah tangga, menjaga keluarga.
not to say that we can't be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, pilot whatever;
(kalau tak what the heck am i doing these 2.5 years? =,='')
but our rightful place is always to be there for our family.

and we definitely don't need a PM to get to that 'tempat utama'.
because home is always the rightful place;
and Allah has always provided just that.

women.
truthfully we don't have much obstacles to enter His Jannah;
that is, if we compare them to men lah.

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
“Shall I inform you which woman will enter Paradise?”
The Sahaba replied: “Yes, most certainly.”
Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said,
“The woman who has children, is lovable,
when she becomes angry the husband consoles her,
and when the husband becomes angry
she says that as long as you do not become pleased with me,
I will not even apply surmah (antimony) to my eyes.”
[Tibrani]
(more explanation of hadith, click here)

tempat utama apa lagi yang kita nak aside from syurga?
what are they fighting for? and why?
i can only wonder.

*merapu je ni. maaf*

yours truly,

yang tak faham banyak benda lagi.

kot. :)

a trail of thoughts: the dreamhouse

2011-11-29T19:37:00.001Z

by *fuzzyasian

*click click*

suddenly found myself stalking a friend's album.

(stalking is a too strong word dont you think? whatever)

merely flipping through some of *** house's pictures.

cantik. lawa.

the ones like those in Impiana magazine.

"macam rumah baru."

considering the latest designs, you can tell.

thoughts trailed away;

wonder how Abah + Mama would design theirs.

if they haven't built ours just yet.

abah + mama is unique in a way.

they built their house when they were in their early 30s.

the reason being; "buat rumah lambat-lambat,

by the time siap, semua anak dah takde."

good point, i might add.

not easy to achieve though.

so alhamdulillah for them. and us.

cause we were able to grow up in that house,

with so many memories carved here and there. :)

thoughts trailed away;

i love my home. it's comfy.
*riak kah ini?*

considering it's already a 20-years-old house,

i think mom and dad did a great job designing it.

people thought they renovated though the years.

but no, it has been that way eversince.

although the stuff inside the house do get shuffled around, (and replaced by Mama =,='')

and the concept (pergh) of the interior changes with the years too.

thoughts trailed away;

what would my house be like eh?

white cream? a hint of brownish?

wooden floor. wooden ceiling. island kitchen.

hmm..

abah and mama influence their children too much i think.

even kakak's home have a similar concept to our home.

wooden furnishing here and there,

most things have "woody" aura in it.

perhaps due to Abah's old job back in Brunei?

thoughts trailed away;

definitely gonna make much use of Abe's talent.

and kak ita too, even though she's not working as one;

cuz im pretty sure she's helping abe out if he were to bring his work back home.

ke tak? hehe~

still remembered abe's little models that he brought home.

coolness. rasa macam nak main Lego.

remembered back in high school how i loved playing the Sims.

with the right cheat-code, i was able to build the houses of my dream!

excited :)

thoughts trailed away;

Rasulullah SAW tidur berlapikkan pelepah kurma, yan.

and he's Allah's most beloved.

no more thoughts.

just istighfar.

*a story to be reminded of. [29:39-40]*

yours truly,

=,=''

Cry and Try

2011-11-25T18:43:00.001Z

by *BlackJack0919

sedih. everybody in this world has that phase. when something / someone made you overwhelmingly sad. even though you know that it all comes from Him,but still rasa sedih tu. takpe, it's fitrah. it's not wrong for us to acknowledge that fitrah.

but personally, i don't like it much. the being sad part. somehow it seems like kita tak redha dengan apa yang Allah bagi kan? not to say that we cant vent all those feelings out. boleh je. menangis la kalau nak menangis. tumbuk lah dinding ke ape. kick anything that you want to (err..except maybe your innocent roommate).

unleash your feelings outside with all those things if you want to, but never inside. because in your heart, you have to always make sure you're willing that all of that is happening to you. because it's His Qada' and Qadar. because it's His Plans to begin with.

*****

this week i had one of those days. *putting the reasons aside* i was walking home alone, and i called Abah. i ended up crying all the way, till i reached my room. masuk duvet, sambung lagi nangis. mata merah. hidung merah. wishing Abah and Mama were there to hug me.

then i realized, tak malu ke Allah tengah tengok? of how i was so preoccupied with the sadness that i am feeling. crying over something that i couldn't get, and forgetting the rest of the things that i am getting. that many others dont even have. *haih...*

*****

ever wondered why are we sad in the first place?

ask ourselves;

how can we be so sure that getting what we want will make us happy?

how can we be so sure that getting what we want will make all things easier?

are we sure that getting what we want will make us closer to Him?

won't it be all easier, if we assure ourselves of His Plans instead, no matter how bad it seems in our eyes. no matter how hard it is for us to face.

putus tunang?

hubungan terhalang?

jatuh basikal?

hilang duit?

missed flight nak pergi London?

so much bad things seems to be happening all around,

and so many people crying over them.

and what's worse, some ends up 'merajuk dengan Allah'. where we would end up doing less things for Him. kurang solat sunat, kurang baca Quran, kurang berdoa pada Dia. why? because we think it's unfair for Him to put this heavy burden/ujian on us. naudzubillah.

i remembered Abah's constant reminder, about parents. "anak-anak, tak layak untuk merajuk dengan parents. no matter how wrong the parents are. there should always be a way for you to make them understand that they are wrong. but never merajuk." tak layak. that word caught me. if dengan parents pun kita tak layak untuk merajuk, let alone Our Creator. Who has given everything that we wished for (or not). tak layak untuk kita merajuk, just because He's not Giving us one particular thing. (which im very sure that it's for our own future benefit. be it in this life, or the Afterlife.)

nak merajuk dengan Allah? think again people. He has the ability to give you anything that you want, and even more; in just a blink of an eye. so when He Decided not to Give you something, He always has His Reasons. and it's always for our own benefit. the only thing we should do is just to believe in it. that's all.

so here is my advice and point to the whole entry;

Cry as much as you want.

but never let your heart cries along with you.

instead, Try assuring your heart to believe that Allah is just Planning things perfectly for you;

and it's just us who don't know much about them for now; but we will sooner or later, insyaAllah.

“Dan Apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu (Muhammad) tentang Aku, maka katakanlah sesungguhnya Aku dekat.

Aku mengabulkan doa orang yang memohon

apabila ia memohon kepadaKu.

Maka hendaklah mereka memenuhi (panggilan/perintah)Ku, dan beriman kepadaKu agar mereka mendapat petunjuk (bimbingan)”.

(2: 186)

yours truly,
done crying. am trying :)

of mengemas Dapur & Dosa

2011-11-21T15:01:00.001Z

by =FiLH

Dapur (read: kitchen)

ask any girl, every one of them loves to see a pretty kitchen. with built-in cabinets, island stove, kayu jati dining table, cute stools, apron hanging nicely beside that huge cool 3doors fridge. :)

but like all dapur in the whole wide world, they are used constantly. everyday. paling kurang sekali sehari. from making simple meals, to buffets, the kitchen will eventually get dirty.

and here comes the ladies, doing their job to clean it; (because we all know that guys just dont clean kitchen. bila da ada wifey la kan, if you guys are membujang you all have to do it too.) and the fact of the matter is, cleaning the kitchen is not just about washing the dishes and swiping the dining table; there is a whole bunch of stuff that needs to be done.

first group. those who couldn't care less about it. all they know is that it's where they stuff food supply. even if they cook, they would leave all the dirty pots in the sink. washing them only when they want to cook again the next time. and believe me, the next time can be anywhere between a week and a month. dont believe they exist? ask anyone who has lived with a mat-saleh.

second group. those who would do the basics. washing the dishes, and swiping tables and counters. sometimes when they are not in the mood, they just leave things piled up, and clean them whenever they think it's getting out of hands, or when they are in the mood for it. (and just like the normal distribution, most of us lies in this middle group.)

then the third group, (this is where my Mama came from =,='') who would always keep it clean. and clean the places that nobody actually notices. like the corner of the cabinet where some crisps are laying around, the bread crumbs under the toaster, minyak masak terpercik kat dinding, the inside of the fridge, the dishwasher, the microwave. to one extreme, even behind the stove! (of course this is not done on a daily basis, but regular enough to keep it clean).

and so i guess, which group we are in, all depends on how much we want the Dapur to be clean.

*****

okay, what the heck is my point? im definitely not trying to talk about obsessive compulsive disorder or anything here.

but whenever i'm cleaning the kitchen, i realized how it totally resembles us living with sins. whether we like it or not, we are constantly making sins. some of us, just like the first group, sadly, just dont give a damn about cleansing our souls. sins are just sins. unlike dapur though, they don't stink in real life. remembered a quotation of a syeikh in one of his talk, which more or less goes about like this; if one could smell another's sins, nobody would sit next to each other. so true ain't it?

the next group of people; are those who cleanses their sins occasionally. we would mingle with small sins, until up to a point we realize that we are drowning in them. and so, we would cry, and repent. and yes, soon enough, we mingle with the sins again and again. and this cycle never actually really stop.

and last but not least, the final group. the ones who look for their sins. like how they notices the dirt in the corner that everyone else does not notice, that's how they would notice the small sins that they are making. they would clean them ASAP, just like how they would ask Allah for forgiveness in their wrongdoings. constantly and continuously.

and just like how people would label those who like a very clean kitchen as having an obsessive compulsive disorder, (ni kira memang bukan ada psychiatric disorder la. just people labelling) that's also how people would label those who worry about their sins as extremist. but guess what, we all are not living for people or for ourselves. but we are living for Allah. so if pleasing Allah will cause us to be called an extremist with an obsessive compulsive disorder; then i think we should all aim to be called just that.

because those labels comes from doing something that Allah loves;

which is to be sensitive to any kinds of sins,

and sensitive to the bread crumbs in the corner of the kitchen.

“Sesungguhnya mendapat kemenanganlah

orang yang membersihkan (menyucikan) dirinya “

[87:14]

(read more: here)

yours truly,

a girl whose working hard

to clean sins & bread crumbs :)

them. :)

2011-11-20T21:06:00.001Z

by ~stevephotography

we often find faults in others, but rarely we take time off to find faults in ourselves. but Islam teaches otherwise. that we have to constantly look deep into what we're lacking of, a.k.a muhasabah.

of all the many faults i have in me, there is one that i've found out a long time ago. which is not reaching out to friends. even the close and best'est' ones :)

so here i am, humbly writing it down, with the hope that if any of those special people are reading it, they would forgive this imperfection of mine.

i find i rarely make the first call, rarely text the first message, rarely comment the pictures, rarely give gifts, rarely make a visit, rarely make the suggestion to go out; rare in everything there is that friends usually do. that's how i have been for as long as i could remember. despite the fact that i do miss them, talk about them, and pray for them; i rarely end up doing all those nice things to them.

it's always been something that's in the back of my head, that this hampehness of mine would one day hurt my friends; whether i know of it or not. and yes, today, i got that slap on the face. that i have hurt someone who i care about dearly.

but what amazes me most, is how this special person already forgets about it and called me like usual. i guess that's why she is called the best of friends. because even though she has an ugly person like me as her friend who rarely does anything special for her; she still makes the effort of making me feel special. EVERYtime she calls.

so to you dearest budak cantik lagi vein, thank you for forgiving and forgetting. and sorry for my faults.

i may not change much eventhough im admitting to all this, but i give you the permission to kick me in the shins and demand me stuff (affordable ones like belanja makan, hehe) should i make you feel neglected again.

and this goes to all my besties out there,
in PennState, in Dublin, in Galway, in UK, in Egypt, in Indonesia and definitely in Malaysia;
and everyone who i call friends. those who had touched my heart all these while;
you guys know that i Heart you right? heee *googly eyes*

and one of the best thing that i can do to prove it is only through my prayers of you.
so wherever you are, i pray that Allah blesses you guys through and through.

and of course,
sorry is always the hardest word, but it's the best solution to everything.

sorriiiieeeee *berkelip-kelip innocent*

“Jadilah pemaaf dan suruhlah orang mengerjakan yang makruf,

serta jangan pedulikan orang-orang yang bodoh.”

[7:199]

“Tetapi barang siapa bersabar dan memaafkan, sungguh yang demikian itu yang termasuk perbuatan yang mulia.” [42:43]

“Allah tidak akan menambah kemaafan seseorang, melainkan dengan kemuliaan, dan tidaklah seseorang merendahkan dirinya karena Allah melainkan Allah akan meninggikan derajatnya.”

(Hadith riyawat Bukhari dan Muslim)

yours truly,
a friend. that lacks everything.

surprise surprise

2011-11-18T11:19:00.001Z

by *TheSweetBlackMadness

Friday's sedekah : lots of smilesss ;) - me

5pm, Malaysia time.
at pintu dapur belakang,
kakak's house, Putrajaya.

suspects: Abah, Mama & Lin.

activity: menyorok kat pintu belakang rumah, waiting for kakak, abe ammar and baby to come home. they waited still for about an hour, despite a very long 8-hours drive from Kota Bharu, not even stopping for lunch, just because they wanted to eat the Kelantan-brought laksa with their kids. :)

at about 8am, Dublin time. i tried calling Abah. to make sure they have safely arrived. but my call was rejected at the 2nd ring. "reject yan call? ouh, koyak." =,='' dad texted though, kakak was not home yet. takut the phone call might distract him from the well-planned surprise. hehe

*********

sometimes you cant imagine parents doing this kind of things at their age. (read: indirectly cakap abah mama tua. mwahaha) not to mention this includes a very long drive from Kelate! i guess us kids doing this is quite normal. cute still, but nothing out of the ordinary. (read: our typical thing, my legendary surprise, and abah's sweetest surprise for mama). but for them to make this kind of effort, it's priceless.

i guess the frequent surprises we made for them, have rubbed into them. i have always told many of my friends, you cant expect your parents (or anyone for that matter) to start doing something, unless you yourself start it. some say it's very hard to say I Love You to your very serious dad. but not saying it at all won't make it any easier. some say it's totally embarrassing to hug your big brother in front of a crowd, well actually no one even cares if you hug your brother or not. and after a while, voila! you see them doing it back to you, and words can't even describe how happy you will be at that time. seriously ;)

**********

people have different ways of expressing their love though. so not doing all these doesn't mean that you don't love them. still, im just sharing my way of expressing love towards another. i think i call everyone of my friends 'sayang'. (though some say they were feeling kind of awkward at first, sorry for that.hehe). but that's just my weird 'token' of appreciation.

so my point is, sometimes it's a good thing to show your appreciation/love towards another literally. cuz without you knowing it, you might just make their day ;)

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda, maksudnya;

“Manusia yang paling dikasihi Allah ialah orang yang

memberi manfaat kepada orang lain

dan amalan yang paling disukai oleh Allah ialah

menggembirakan hati orang-orang Islam

atau menghilangkan kesusahan daripadanya

atau menunaikan keperluan hidupnya di dunia

atau memberi makan orang yang lapar.

Perjalananku bersama saudaraku yang muslim untuk menunaikan hajatnya,

adalah lebih aku sukai daripada aku beriktikaf di dalam masjid ini selama sebulan,

dan sesiapa yang menahan kemarahannya sekalipun ia mampu untuk membalasnya

nescaya Allah akan memenuhi keredhaannya di dalam hatinya pada hari Qiamat,

dan sesiapa yang berjalan bersama-sama saudaranya yang Islam

untuk menunaikan hajat saudaranya itu hinggalah selesai hajatnya

nescaya Allah akan tetapkan kakinya (ketika melalui pada hari Qiamat)

dan sesungguhnya akhlak yang buruk akan merosakkan amalan

seperti cuka merosakkan madu.”

Riwayat Ibnu Abi Dunya

********

this is just a random post on a Friday.

i miss my family so much right now.

as of now, all of them are in Putrajaya *again*

ah..so jealous.

*****

yours truly,

have a blessed Friday peeps ;)

Fun is not Bahagia

2011-11-17T00:00:00.000Z

by *andyp89

Bahagia (read: happiness)

everybody is looking for that Bahagia.
that prolonged feeling-good moments,
that Hakuna-Matata, a life of no worries.

and so what's our number one modus operandi to look for it?
er. no, not marriage. (note: ini bukan post cinta)
the thing that's always at the tip of our tongue,
especially when we find someone is being particularly boring;
"tak fun la kau ni."

yes, fun.
we often equate fun, to that Bahagia we are looking for.
but sadly, most fun, if not all, gives us only temporary Bahagia.
why? because most of our fun activities, are not done according to His Rules,
let alone the reasons for doing them, which has nothing to do with Him.
i guess that's why the Bahagia is short-lived. *thanks to syaitoonirrojiim..*

everybody is looking for that Bahagia,
and i truly believe that it is His to Give.
yet we humans,
are looking for it in all the wrong places.
the fact of the matter is, we will never find it.

not to say that having fun is wrong,
it's just that it should be done moderately,
and for the right reasons.
(which is..kind of hard to do ain't it?) =,=''

because in reality,
not only we don't get the Bahagia that we are looking for,
we get carried away with the 'fun' things that we are doing;
thus putting Him at the back of our heads. *sigh*

everybody is looking for that Bahagia,
and Fun is definitely not Bahagia.

"[Kami jelaskan yang demikian itu] supaya kamu jangan berduka cita terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu, dan supaya kamu jangan terlalu gembira terhadap apa yang diberikan-Nya kepadamu. Dan Allah tidak menyukai setiap orang yang sombong lagi membanggakan diri."

[Al Hadid: 23]

yours truly,

a boring-human. hehe ;P

barakallahu fikum ;)

2011-11-16T14:49:00.001Z

by ~solak11

it's that news again :)

dont know why,
have an overwhelming sense of happiness bila baca;
"jemputan ke walimatul urus...."

mendoakan yang terbaik,
kepada 2 orang yang sangat saya hormati.

checking my facebook home;
currently it's filled with congratulatory messages for them.

status kawan-kawan pun,
mainly about them. or about marriage in general.

ada yang gembira,
ada yang nak jugak,
ada yang tercabar ( guys. haha)
and yang macam 'nak nanges'. (girls). T,T

haih,
semua orang dah nak kahwin,
walaupun padahal dalam 1000 friends list tu,
ade 5 orang je yang baru nak kahwin.

so i guess it's a typical reaction,
because of our age,
and the confused hormones,
it feels like everybody is getting married. haha.
*peer pressure*

barakallahu fikum.
kepada mereka berdua.
and to close friends that are planning for next year
( i can see 3 in my head already) ;)

you guys are heading for the next phase of life.
semoga semua urusan dipermudahkan.
as happy+cute+sweet as it seems,
a lot of responsibilities are coming your way too.

i will follow suit too sooner or later, insyaAllah.
probably later by the looks of my very quite life right now. =,=''
hampeh? maybe.
trusting His Plans? very much.

so to many girls out there who im pretty sure are having this
"nak jugaakkk" syndrome.
no worries. put a smile and pray.
mintak Allah cepatkan sikit our Mr Right's pace.
hehe. *cheeky smile*

yours truly,
haih. call abah mama lah. :)

fix you

2011-11-14T19:17:00.001Z

by ~KateTale

some say you can never really fix a broken heart,

i say Allah can fix any types of broken hearts; even the smashed ones. *wink* -chocLover

this post is a reply to anonymous :) at the chatbox.

in the name of Allah, Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim. with his Izin,

i will try to fix you :)

untuk awak,

who's feeling sad and distancing away from friends.

untuk awak,

who are braving something that many fears.

untuk awak,

who has been specially chosen by Him.

i listened to this song in this blog,

and some verses caught my ear.

"when you get what you want, but not what you need."

trust me, you may think that you're not getting what you want,

but Allah is actually giving exactly something that you need.

insyaAllah.

cuma kita je yang tak tahu.

*********

once, i told my Abah; who despite his wiseness and know-it-all, still had his down-days. when business makes him all tired inside and out. and being the daughter, it's my responsibility to remind him;

that being a Muslim is the best gift one could ever ask for.

bila senang, kita tahu Allah yang bagi.

bila susah, kita tahu Allah yang bagi jugak.

in the end, it all goes back to Him.

which, is the one and only thing that we need to do in this short lifetime.

kembali kepada Dia.

we should be happy.

****

'repeat' 'resit' 'fail' 'compensate'; the common vocabs dreaded by many. but after 2 years in the medical field (er..studying that is, not working), i learn to accept that life now is full of unexpected things. no matter how much we want or dread certain things, if Allah has chosen it for us, the best and the right thing we should do is to make the best out of it.

friends dropping out, resiting papers, repeating years, changing courses, heading back home etc. i pray for those who are facing all these; may Allah be with you through and through. and we all have heard of the saying that goes: "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". and i truly believe that all hardships that Allah gave us are to strengthen us.

strengthening our keyakinan (assurance) in His Plans.

strengthening our tawakkal (trust) in His Plans.

strengthening our iman,

for it's the only thing we're bringing back with us in the Afterlife.

when i feel down and low, or when i feel lost at times for the things that i'm doing, my Abah+Mama kept on reminding me that i should keep doing my job; which is to put my best effort forward; in anything that i do. and the truth is, the only thing that we can measure relatively is just our efforts. and the rest? it is for Him to decide. all the endpoints are in His Hands. all the stories of how our life will proceed are all in His Plans. trust Him, i think that's what He wanted most from us.

untuk awak,

jangan sedih. Allah is actually giving you something that you need. it may not be exactly something that you want for your medical degree, but something that you need for your Afterlife degree. when on That Day, you were given a scroll to enter His Jannah; for your patience, for your effort, for your trust in Him while facing this small ordeal. ameen :)

ps:

at 17, i once faced some similar ordeal. when i didn't get something that i really want. but He Gave me something that i need first; which is my trust in Him. and once it was all over, when i even decided to let go of the thing that i want, He suddenly gave it to me. sweet tak? looking back, alhamdulillah is all i can say. He gave me what i need first before giving me what i want. :)

so trust Him, He has His ways of doing things. insyaAllah.

"Barangsiapa dikehendaki Allah kebaikan baginya maka ia diuji

(dengan musibah yang menimpa).”

(HR. Al Bukhari)

yours truly,

trying to fix me and you ^,^

of Nottingham and Games

2011-11-13T16:19:00.001Z

by =candymax

finally dapat merasa notts game yang disebut-sebut orang.

i chose to go happily this year as my getaway.

from the hectics of midterm exams the past few weeks,

+ masalah-masalah jiwa yang lain.

a few nawaitu (intentions) were listed before i went there.

1. jumpa kawan lama

2. cheer housemate lawan netball

both were successfully completed.

the former was more than what i bargained for.

met so many friends, expected and non-expected ones.

some stayed with me most of the time,

some i bumped into more than twice,

some only once and i took pictures with,

~~some~~ one i'd finally able to meet after 9 years! (fatimaaahh~~) *almost cried*

some gave delicious free food (thank you!),

some encounters were totally brief it was less than a minute!

but that was satisfactory enough,

at least when i meet you guys next time,

we can say, "dah jumpe kat notts game kan?"

pagi ni pulang kembali ke Dublin.

with a very heavy eyelid,

a tired body (walaupun cap ayam langsung tak main sports)

and 1001 lessons to be learned.

for there are always some pros and many cons,

when you're in a mixed crowd.

haih.

malam lepas balik tu,

tiba-tiba rasa homesick.

i miss the confinement of my own family

and close friends;

who thinks like i do,

who say things that i like,

who do things that i love.

and most importantly who remind me constantly of Him.

when you're in a crowd,

you realize that many forget about the One who's Watching.

and you also realize that you tend to forget along too.

iman.

bukan senang nak maintain kan?

other than that,

Notts Game was great.

loved watching the basketball game + final football match.

tabik spring kat team Notts. ;)

wallahua'lam.

ps: semua org happy dpt jumpe Dr MAZA kat notts game.

ouh frust. dpt tgk dr jauh pn jadi lah. =,=''

i think this picture best describe me + games involving balls.

= cap ayam.

im okay with badminton though *wink*

by ~lionel19

yours truly,

of sarcasm

2011-11-09T15:23:00.003Z

sarcasm.

i dont like it.

it's something that's deliberately done to belittle others.

if it's to help fix some mistakes, i guess to a certain extent it can be accepted.

even so, i still dont like it. i find it a very immature way to right the wrongs.

because it involves hurting others' feelings or prides.

some said it's just a form of joke.

well some jokes can get carried away too.

yet, many others out there still find it amusing.

but you know what i think?

i believe sarcasm is a form of weakness.

an outlet for those who feel intimidated, yet tried to act cool about it;

so you turn to sarcasm.

because people cant really actually tell if you're serious about it,

or just plainly joking.

sarcasm.

even the word itself sounds awful.

but, sarcasm is normal.

you just have to know your limits, that's all.

yours truly,

#random

2011-11-08T00:17:00.005Z

by ~Ibrahim-K of deviant art

haha. the picture kinda speaks the truth you know..:P

finished the mid-term exams today, alhamdulillah. pressure lifted. hehe.

the last 2 paper was endocrine + CNS diseases

for CNS,
i had been burying my head in the pile of lecture notes last few days,
filled with the so many different diseases of our nervous system.

one of the lectures was about neurodegenerative diseases.
you know; alzheimer's, parkinson, huntington and so on.

when i was reading the whole thing,
i watched some videos of the patients with the illnesses.

i remembered thinking;

"ya Allah, please help me memorize all this.
please make the exam easy for me."

then i realized.

i was so worried of my brain not being able
to memorize and differentiate all these illnesses.

and easily forgetting the fact that these people
had lost so many things because of them.

some lost their memory. some can't talk. some can't walk.
some cant move all their hands and legs.
some had difficulty breathing.
some can't think on their own.
some had died.

*geleng-geleng kepala*

saya.
awak.
kita.
memang senang lupa nikmat Allah.

thank you Allah,
for all the things you Gave; that we often forget,
for all the harms You Kept away; that we often oversee.

yours truly.
finals coming soon. :)

of sweets, balloons and letting go

2011-11-05T12:34:00.002Z

*break time: studying is hard.sob2*

there is the most delicious looking sweets-shop at the side of the road. everyday, you and your friends would go to class and pass that shop. you would paste your head at the glass-mirror and drool over the displayed sweets. but the problem is, sometimes it's open, sometimes it's not. one day, you were heading back from class alone, and you realized that it's open!! you went in and bought some. but you realized how awful they tasted, and soon you were telling all your friends how bad they were. you vow to yourself you will never ever ever buy them again. but the question is, will your friends believe you and resist all the temptations?

by ~TheFleX of deviantart

******

last night i was chatting away with si Pika. i can only wonder (hehe), how our conversation strayed to a question; why everybody wants a relationship so bad? no matter what level the relationship is. [read: how much it has developed; just friends to the-only-thing-left-to-do-is-the-akad-nikah].

but Che Pika gave a very good insight. and here's my conclusion:

it's easy for us to let go of something that we already have,

then to let go of something that we never even have in the first place.

pening? mari saya explain. people who have had some experiences would easily relate to all the wrong things that our religion is prohibiting in pre-marital relationships. they would understand why our religion is saying haram to it all, because they knew the consequences that comes with them, as they have been through it. and they knew the awful feelings that comes after it too.

but for those who haven't, how would they understand the extent of these consequences or awfulness, when they don't even know what it's like, and what is NOT to like about it? and thanks to syaitonirojiiimm, the temptations to experience it all are overwhelming. so how can a friend's word of advice, be digested, just because your friends said so? a friendly advice vs syaitonirojimm-2000years-experience-of-tempting-humans. come on lah, we all can see who's gonna win here. =,=''

so, does it mean we all have to go through all the relationships first before we can truly understand the underlying sickness within them? (yeayyy!!)

err.. of course it's a Big No.

because those friendly advices, are not merely based on experiences, but they're from what are stated in the syara', of how a relationship between a guy and a girl should really be. you can find all sorts of things that are prohibited in Islam, but freely done in any pre-marital relationships anywhere. won't list them here, everybody knows them better. tepuk dada, tanya iman.

and secondly, how can you be so sure that once you've experienced it you will have the guts to leave that guy/girl behind. if you were already in a downward spiral, then i guess it might be easy (but you have a higher chance of relapse). but how about those who are happily in love (which are most, if not all, are Devil's Lies), do you think it's easy for you to let go?

i am amazed at how people proclaim they are in love, when love itself is Allah's gift. so how can it be Allah's gift, when it is laid in the midst of all things Allah prohibited. cinta sejati? think again. and even if your love lasts till marriage (alhamdulillah), you and your spouse still need to repent for all the things that you have done in the past, because none of them was right in His Eyes.

by ~lolya of deviantart

so here is my advice for the umpteenth time, let it go.

people may think you look sad and lonely, but you are the happiest inside.

so just let go of that thin string.

but trust me, as your heart flies up to the sky, someone will definitely caught it up there.

and that Someone will never ever let you down.

because He had Loved you the moment He Laid Eyes on you.

so who can beat that kind of love?

(and mestilah Dia carikan mr Right yang beriman, kacak, bergaya lagi hensem. mwahaha~)

have a little faith.

*wink*

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
someone who loves herself for letting go :)

practice for that perfection

2011-11-01T23:11:00.000Z

by =a-place4my-head of deviantart

just love the colours ;)

remember back in high school, where we used to have mock interviews with the teachers to help us apply for scholarships? the same thing happened again in prep-college right? and remember back the days when we would work so hard to bring our english to perfection. from the bau-budu-English to the all-american-accent. practicing in the room, with friends, in front of the mirror, in the shower, etc.

we would practice, because that's how much we want that scholarship.

******

so how about our recitation in solat and our Quran recitation?

how much effort are we putting in perfecting our way of reciting His Words?

i admit that many people came from so many different backgrounds. kudos to those who came from a 'rockstar' family background, and are able to recite it beautifully now. of course, mistakes might be made here and there; but you have just started. and at least you know you're trying your best.

but how about most of us? who had our first khatam way before we start our high school. if we have learnt al-Quran back when we were 5 years old; how come 20 years later, we still make mistakes in reciting al-Fatihah? :)

when ض and د still sounds the same.

when ز and ذ still cant be differentiated.

is reciting Allah's words not important enough for us to try and make it better? lets leave aside the daily recitals, but how about the recitals in the solat? have we ever try and imagine, how Allah is listening to it? a Pak Arab, last semester, told us in one of the recital class; if we cant read the Quran like how the Prophet taught us too, then we better just stick to the basics of reading al-Fatihah over and over again, until it reaches perfection.

because in arabic, the slightest mistake may lead to a change in the whole meaning of the verse. scary ain't it? and for all i know, ilmu tajwid, is something that everybody needs to learn. have a read, here.

so treasure our recitals, especially in our solat. because these words that we are reciting, they are not just simple words. they are words of Allah, and words (kalimah) taught by Him.

if we had worked so hard back then for a scholarship, why don't we try and work harder, for this huge 'scholarship' for our immortal life ahead?

after all, practice does makes perfect. insyaAllah.

let alone a perfection worth practicing for.

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
one who still have to practice reciting Al-fatihah in front of her nenek everytime balik kampung ;)
and it gets harder with Al-Kafiruun. (sayang my Che~)

mine is RM15k, how bout yours?

2011-10-29T11:58:00.002+01:00

by ~mechtaniya of deviantart

every girl is a princess at heart, waiting patiently for the prince coming her way. (cheesy eh?sorry.hehe)

sad to think that this is what our society has become. when all the makcik-makcik at the wedding will talk about is how big the pelamin is, which hotel is it held at, and most importantly, berapa hantaran?

as much as we deny it, when parents are putting the price, it IS as if you're putting a price on your daughters. and what's worse, the price is based on educational background, or physical looks rather than their religious background. seemingly out of the four main criteria listed down by Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), we take seriously the first 3 things (property, rank, and beauty) and leave the most important element for a long-lasting marriage behind. which is; religion.

berapa hantaran? ill gladly answer mine is RM15k, if and Only if:

1. 30 juzuk Quran dah hafal dalam dada.

2. sahih Bukhari & sahih Muslim di hujung lidah

3. can cook almost everything from eastern to western food

4. kuih traditional? sebut je, setengah jam siap.

5. boleh jahit coat, kemeja, baju melayu cekak musang? you name it.

6. hubby is coming back, one hour before you're already home, cantik dari atas sampai bawah.

7. suara lemah lembut, hubby dengar jamin cair.

8. drop-dead gorgeous, soft-baby-skin, putih ibarat susu, muka kalah Miranda Kerr. (note: guys, dont even try to google this name!)

and all kinds of perfection that you can list down.

most of you probably are familiar with these criteria. yes, they're more or less what Ustaz Azhar Idrus mentioned in one of his talks. (mama was totally laughing when i told her about this talk). funny as he seems, he totally makes his point in the end. who are we to put prices on our heads, based on degrees and looks? RM15, 000, but when someone asked us about the five pillars of islam, we cant even really answer nor understand why syahadah is the first one in the list. RM15,000, but in the first week, you have already raised your voice in front of your hubby. tell me again, are you even worth the price you put?

but the society is still there. and most, if not all, still dont understand all these. and it's our job to make them understand along with us, of what is important and what is not. because sadly enough, dunya is really great in deceiving us all.

Sabda Rasulullah S.A.W:

,"Seorang wanita yang penuh barakah dan mendapat anugerah Allah adalah yang

maharnya murah, mudah menikahinya, dan akhlaknya baik.

Namun sebaliknya, wanita yang celaka adalah yang

mahal maharnya, sulit menikahinya, dan buruk akhlaknya."

scarily, im taking this chance to talk about something that has not even happened to me yet. "sedap cakap, tengok nanti kawen macam mana." wallahua'lam . i dont know either what'll happen. entah-entah mengamuk nak RM20k, who knows? but i know now that we can start praying that Allah make ours the easiest, and most importantly, blesses it with barakah. because a barakah wedding, insyaAllah will also be a start of a barakah-filled marriage. dont you think? so let's pray.

and looking at the list, i'm ashamed to even put RM1000 on my head. =,=''

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
exam mode pun sempat fikir pasal ni.hehe ;)

daddy's girl

2011-10-27T12:17:00.000+01:00

this song will definitely make all daddy's girls out there cry. :') kakak introduced me to this song a few years back, when she was about to get married. listening to this right now, im pretty sure i'll cry more if i'm in her shoes.

found this somewhere:

'to all daddy's girl out there. if you still have a dad, treasure him. you're lucky. if your dad's in heaven, then be thankful that you once were dearly loved by him."

and my dedication to all, treasure your dad dearly. hug him, kiss his cheeks, tell him you love him everyday. and most importantly, take all your actions into consideration. for those unmarried girls out there, no matter how much you say you love your dad, it's not enough if you kept on doing sins; because you are just dragging him along with your wrong-doings.

"Bagi seorang wanita, dosa-dosa yang mereka lakukan akan ditanggung oleh diri mereka dan bapa mereka, dan akan ditanggung oleh suami mereka apabila mereka telah berkahwin."

i am your kawan.

2011-10-22T21:35:00.000+01:00

by ~Stereofidelica of deviantart

Once the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) was asked,

"What person can be the best friend?"

"He who helps you remember Allah (SWT),

and reminds you when you forget Him,"

the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh), counseled.

Allah had given all the guidance in the Book. and Rasulullah SAW had conveyed it all. our way of life. even to whom our friends should be, and what kind of a friend we should be.

sometimes when im in my room, i feel the hypocrisy within me. because among all the friends i have in my life, whether or not they are around me; how many of them would i talk to directly about our Deen? how many of them would i tell straight away if they are doing the wrong things? how many of them would i share things that involve Islam? how many? i can only see a few in my head right now. only a few...

what does it show? when i say that i value them so much. i value the friendships that we have? what's the value if all i can talk to them about is the latest trends in fashion. or our next destination for the winter holidays. i dont love them as much as i would love to. sadly enough.

but i do love them. i do cherish the friendships.

because deep down, i wish i could share it all. i wish i could say it all.

weh, jom pergi usrah; ade talk malam ni, kite stayback pastu gi dengar wokey?; tak payah geng-geng sangat dengan boys, sian future hubby kite nanti, tak special; hm, baju dah cantik, tapi jarang sket le, lepas tu singkat nampak belakang. tak bleh tak bleh.hehe; oi makcik tudung kamu nampak leher ngan dada. tukar2~; seluar ketat weh, sexy-ladeyyh sgt.no no no~; jom hafaz surah-surah sama-sama. sape takleh kene blanje makan; eh, dah baca al-quran belum hari ni? gelap hati weyy...etc.

why am i saying all this? because i wish these are what my friends would tell me. then i'll know, that's how much you guys love me. and because like you, im very much in need of constant reminders. we all are.

don't let our friendships be superficial.

that it only lasts till death do us part.

but let it be an ukhwah;

friendship that lasts till Jannah.

yours truly,

the worst of friend, as of now. =,=''

make the choice

2011-10-21T21:44:00.002+01:00

when these two words are said: lebih baik, what comes to mind?

1. people who WE think, think they are better than others?
2. or us, thinking that at least, WE are better than some people out there.

no. these my friends, are the wrongful thinking. because when being better is mentioned, it should only lead us to one question:

how much have we change for the better today, as compared to yesterday?

in simpler malay words *because im not that good in english*:

sejauh manakah kita lebih baik dari semalam?

some hateful feelings will creep into me, whenever i hear people complaining about other people's good deeds. because in my opinion, don't ~~question~~ complain about the good things that others are doing, especially out of our own ignorance.

"lo.. tak perlu pun break-break. jaga relationship elok-elok sudey.."

"lo.. buat ape nak tunduk-tunduk bila jalan? rempuh tiang baru tau."

"lo.. buat ape taknak borak-borak ngan laki? bukannya diorang suka perempuan tu pun."

"lo..keluar makan-makan 2 orang pun tak boleh? kawan je pun."

when we complain about them, ask ourselves why are we doing so? because when we see girls who strip off their hijab, we never question or complain about that. when we see our friends back-hugging their baby-boo, we never question or complain about that. when we see a friend skipping the Jumaat prayer, we never question or complain about that.

"pilihan diorang. malas nak masuk campur."

same goes to them. they are also choosing a path. a path that you and i may not know much, because of our ignorance. =,='' but it's reality. bila yang betul dipersoalkan, yang salah dibiarkan. the truth is, the questions and complains, i think i have the answers for them.

Break.

sebab semalam dia nak jugak cakap I love you sebelum tidur. lepas break dia tak cakap dah.

Jalan tunduk.

sebab semalam dia nak tengok perempuan cantik tu 3 kali. hari ni dia rempuh tiang pun tak kisah.

Tak berborak dengan lelaki.

sebab semalam mamat tu berkenan kat suara dia. hari ni takde.

Tak keluar makan berdua.

sebab semalam rasa hati dah lemah. tertarik dengan bisikan cinta tanpa Allah.

by ~tomatokisses of deviantart
* lets make tomorrow a better day~insyaAllah*

they are just trying to be better, than how they have been the day before.

they are not trying to be better than other people around them.

they are not trying to be better than us.

but they ARE trying to be better, in the Eyes of our Creator.

because this is the path of those who believe that Allah is Watching.

all the time.

pick one. you can be the 'we', or you can walk proudly as 'them'.

the choice is yours.

Sabda Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. yang bermaksud:

“Barangsiapa yang amalannya hari ini lebih baik dari semalam, dia adalah orang yang beruntung.

Barangsiapa yang amalannya hari ini sama dengan yang semalam,dia adalah orang yang rugi.

Dan barangsiapa yang amalannya hari ini lebih buruk dari hari semalam,dia tergolong orang yang dilaknat Allah S.W.T.”

naudzubillah.

wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
hamba Allah yang masih lemah untuk buat semua yang tersebut.
tapi tak salah untuk mengingatkan diri dan orang lain kan? :)

that moment

2011-10-20T18:51:00.000+01:00

5.03pm. Health Science Building, Univ College Dublin. the washroom beside the computer lab. :)

i went there, empty bottle in hand (all girls who studies here know why we need this) and i caught a glimpse of a white-girl ~~applying~~ re-applying her make-up in front of the sinks before going in. using a huge brush what-not. and 3 minutes later, she was still there. when i was washing my hands, she was still there. when i was fixing my skirt. she was still there. and as i was leaving, she was still there.

'that moment', occurred in between.

as i was done washing my hands and drying them up. i decided to fix my hijab, since my inner scarf has moved around quite a lot after a long day; (afraid that some of my hair might have a little peak of the outside world.) ^,^

by ~aimeelikestotakepics of deviantart

two girls, facing the same mirror.

with two totally different reasons.

'that moment' when i am very much thankful to Allah.

for giving me this life;

a life as a Muslim.

how about you?

have you had those moments today?

ps: abah's cousin, Pakcik Lah died earlier today due to cancer. hoping the readers would take the time untuk sedekahkan Al-Fatihah. semoga roh arwah diletakkan dalam kelompok orang-orang yang beriman. jazakumullah :)

yours truly,

minggu depan test. Gambate & tawakkal :)

suara kita

2011-10-15T00:52:00.001+01:00

by ~SarahMaeH of deviantart

when i was 16, i just got into mrsm pc, and we had our orientation week. and we were divided into groups and everybody had to perform. anything. and we decided to perform a song. and i took the guitar and sing with my group. Avril's song i think. and there were another couple of performances i did in the next few years.

*sigh*

no. im not trying to write sins or tragedies here. im just saying that there used to be this phase in my life. where i didn't even know that singing, for women, is a form of aurat. but alhamdulillah eventually the knowledge came across. (eventhough i might execute this knowledge of mine a teeny bit slowly; cuz i still ended up performing with the guitar even though i didn't sing.) *sigh again*

so anyway.

i came across this cute girl (my little sister is almost the same age as her) in youtube. i've heard of her once but didn't take notice of her, because i thought she was the usual kind of girl you can find all around the world with a guitar, a nice voice, a webcam, and a youtube account, doing different covers of all types of songs. mind you. i sometimes do it too. minus the posting on youtube though. and minus the nice voice. my family listens to my singing; unfortunately enough for them. =,=''

but it turns out this girl is not that usual. because people have found out about her, and she's becoming more popular everyday. that's where things get hard. i used to think that these posting-in-youtube people, would end up discouraged of their singing attempts, for it is just a phase of wanting to be a rock-star, and eventually they will come to their senses and live life properly. (with the hope that they would repent on the previous sins and delete back all the videos.)

but it's the opposite for this girl. her fitnah (ujian/test) is bigger and harder now. getting into television shows etc. and being the kid she is, i feel sorry for her. for not knowing. or if she ended up knowing, i wish she would be stronger to throw this kind of life away. she is too young to be involved with this. she's not ana rafali whose old enough to choose what is right and what is wrong. to me, a 16-years-old girl is just a victim, of a deteriorating society that she's living in. for she's just a girl whose caught up with the attention that she's getting from the wrong kinds of people; those who thinks singing and dancing and fashion is way more important than being a servant to Allah.

my prayers are with her. and her parents too. so that with Allah's will, someone will knock some senses into the parent's heads. there is a whole range of opportunities in her future life, that can make her closer to Allah. why did the parents let her? i can only wonder.

and as for us, the one who is watching her:

if we're watching her happily,

enjoying her singing,

without worrying about the many non-mahram guys listening to her too.

then i guess we have to pray for ourselves first,

before we can pray for her.

because not recognizing what is wrong and what is right,

is a thing we all need to be worried of.

walaubagaimanapun.

this is just my opinion. to me, i take that a woman singing in front of non-mahrams, is a form of aurat. eventhough there are quite a few opposing opinions about this. but you guys can read more of it on your own. look up for scholarly articles from the right people. but to me, it's a thing that attracts men, so i guess anyone can't contradict that it is wrong. wallahua'lam. an opinion is just an opinion.

“...maka, janganlah kamu tunduk ketika berbicara (dengan manja, merayu, dan sebagainya).(sebab), nanti akan timbul keinginan orang yang ada penyakit dalam hatinya (keinginan nafsu berahinya). Dan ucapkanlah perkataan yang baik (sopan santun).” [Al Ahzab:32]

yours truly,

one who still sings a lot,

and pretending to be cool with the guitar in her own room. :)

give & not take.

2011-10-14T23:44:00.004+01:00

erti hidup untuk memberi.

ever heard of it?
i think this might have been my fifth time writing a post this week.
but i ended up backspacing it all.
or tekan Ctrl+A, and Delete.

funny how this brain seems to not be having the courage to write.
sedangkan dalam otak banyak je yang nak cakap.

kenapa backspace? kenapa delete?
i hate it when im in this phase.
untuk tidak memberi.

memberi apa?
anything for that matter.
advices. stories that may change some hearts out there.
amar makruf.
nahi munkar.

that's why i love blogging in the first place.
to know that somewhere out there,
there are people who understands what you are talking about.
and try to change for the better along with you.

ok. this is an introduction for my post tonight.
i think i rarely do this. typing away whatever my head is saying.
seriously tak fikir panjang.

i used to write my muhasabah too in here. i think.
why am i thinking too much?
buat je la kan?
you lose nothing. you gain much more.

ok.
the end.

ps: pesan seseorang, kalau betul nak 'memberi' melalui penulisan, buat betul-betul.

"Hiduplah untuk memberi sebanyak-banyaknya,
bukan untuk menerima sebanyak-banyaknya"

-Laskar Pelangi (Indonesian movie)-

yours truly,
yang ingin hidup untuk memberi.
Ameen.

ignorance is.

2011-10-08T10:26:00.000+01:00

by ^casperium of deviantart

"ignorance is bliss" they say. to a certain extent it's true. for example you better be ignorant of all the many different lives you can explore in facebook (note: stalking). for i guess everyone, including me, are somewhat exposing our lives away, even the tiny little secrets; intentionally or not. heck, even everybody knows where everybody's at! (note: check-in application).

*****

but ignorance is not always bliss, when it comes to the people that you care about. and because of wanting to ignore the so many lives before me, i tend to ignore the lives of those who i care about too. facebook, being the social network it is, does provide us some extent of connection to those who are close to us, yet far from sight. but because they are all mixed and tangled up with people who we have only seen once in our lives, we leave them all for good.

which leads me to my personal agony. when yesterday i decided to check on those who i miss, and baM! the guilt and the frustration of not knowing earlier things that i should have. hadoih. i hate myself for not knowing. because not knowing also means not caring. which is not true!!

so to those out there who i care about, sorry for not being the best of family / friend / student / sister etc. even though i may have not literally or virtually been there for all of you, do know that all of you have always been in my prayers. insyaAllah.

and yes, i'll try and be less ignorant in the future.

while we're on this topic, here's an extra reminder. for the thing worse than being ignorant of the people around us; it's being ignorant of the truth (teachings of Islam). seek knowledge of our Deen; question and learn. it's the only way to keep us in the right path. for ignorance is the reason for sin. it encourages sins and leads us to it. nau'dzubillah.

“There is in ignorance a death for its people before death, and their bodies before burial are graves, and their souls are in grief on account of their bodies, and there is no resurrection for them (from death) until the Resurrection.”

(quoted)

yours truly,

ignorant-less. :)

22

2011-10-06T23:55:00.000+01:00

i only got 15 minutes left before my birthday officially ends.

but i too, (read ika's blog) am contemplating what should i write in here. so i checked back my previous 2 posts that i've wrote in here about my birthdays. ahh,,, still hard.

recap of my day.

6th october 2011.

i turned 22 in malaysia-time. received a lot of well-wishes from friends in facebook. like last year, i dont know why, but it makes me soo happy to see random friends who took their time off and thought of you :')

at midnight, i happily skyped with abah mama kakak lin and airaa. having to see her Boolat-ness is a blessing. i miss her so much! (should have put her in the bag to dublin.)

5 minutes later, my beautiful housemates came in with an Angry Bird birthday cake. we celebrated while my family watched through skype. to Pizu! it was perfect. Thank you!

next day, the girls ended up bringing me to the city. just for some time out. i was happily going to eat out with them, when they have secretly asked my Efa to join along too! we enjoyed a nice lunch-date together.

it was dark already when i went back home. i was already very much happy with how the day ended. alhamdulillah for everything. but unknowingly, downstairs was a bunch of sweet people preparing the best of surprise.

i was called and when i was outside the room, the house was dark, with candles here and there. romantic habis! and in the living room, amidst the darkness, figures of people start popping out in front of me and ika. and we were screaming. haha :) (this time around, i couldn't contain my tears anymore!)

there were another 2 delicious cakes, we talked, we filled ourselves up with glucose, we played games, they made us a veryyy sweet video, we took pictures, some presents-giving ceremony. and then it was time for some speech from both Ika and me.

the peak of my day was when they asked me to recite a doa. semua akan aminkan, with the hope that all the malaikat around us akan aminkan jugak. insyaAllah.

so i really took that chance. and what i recited, i meant them with all my heart, and it goes out to everyone, i hope. insyaAllah.

i've said this a thousand times and i shall say it again. alhamdulillah is the best word to describe my day. for all the blessings that Allah had given me. for giving me the chance to live with these people around me. alhamdulillah. for all the nikmat that you have given me.

and jazakumullahu khairan kathira. for everyone who has put a smile on my face and my heart. not just for today, not just for my birthdays, but for the past 22 years that i have lived. my prayer is that everyone of these people who have been a part of my life, significantly or not, will all end up in His Heaven, where there we shall meet happily again, under His Blessings. ameen ameen ya Rabb.

ps: and thank you facebook, for enabling me to see the hundreds of well-wishes from friends all around. and twitter too. and skype. and handphones. so much to be thankful for right now. hehe

to my future self, never stop saying alhamdulillah ;)

yours truly,

the birthday girl. :)