'Izzah: Not a Girl

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ


'izzah. a word i've only come to know not long ago. maybe in one of those bulatan gembira or konferens riang. i can't remember exactly when, but the concept somewhat sticks. 'izzah means proud (correct me if i'm wrong). and so, my understanding of it develops as time goes by.

a feeling; 
that we are proud to be chosen as a Muslim, 
to live in the here and now, as a Muslim.

and this lead me to something that i've been meaning to write for a while. do not get me wrong, this is just my personal reflection; i hope that anyone who reads this will gain a thing or two, insyaAllah. may this be a reminder for me and you. :) i'll try to make it short. *peace*


it's my 4th year in Dublin now; and i realized that there are some things that i have taken for granted. walking along the streets of Dublin, or around the corridors of the hospitals, or in the compound of University College Dublin, or around the Dunnes Store in O'Connell Street; i have come to forget that i am a part of a minority group, ones that are different from the others; the ones who wear the Hijab.

undeniably, if we were back in Malaysia, one couldn't care less if we were wearing the Hijab; because everybody does so. and thus, most of us don't really appreciate the fact that we are actually following Allah's Rules when we don the Hijab; when we cover our hair. it's a too common thing, that back home, i think it became much more of an accessory, a necessity, a part of a daily routine; and is no longer seen for what it truly is; 

a part of our ibadah. 

let's go back to where i am now. Alhamdulillah, i am currently in Europe; 'Bumi Shamrock' so they call it. and everyday, i have to walk among the blondes, the brunettes, and the gingers; but wearing the Hijab has been a part of my daily life for so many years, that i have forgotten the feeling that i should feel; 


because now that i've come to think of it, by following His Rule to wear the Hijab, Allah has isolated me from those blondes, brunettes, and gingers. because i know that whenever they look at me, one thing will definitely pop in their head;

"She's a Muslim."

and that alone, is enough to make our hearts burst with pride, that we are His Hamba, His 'Abid. and our appearance alone is enough to make us special. not just in His Eyes, but in others as well. :)

and here's a little crucial point for today's post: sometimes i bumped into pictures of students studying abroad; with countless happy pictures of girls all giggling at a picnic, or travel pictures here and there. and underneath it there are names of  Anne, Tina, Rose, and suddenly; Siti Mek Zabedah (*rekaan semata-mata*) and it hit you hard; 

"oh. Muslim ke..?" =,='' 

it's a little bit of both; a sad and a harsh reality. seeing pictures of fellow Muslims, and yet, we could hardly differentiate them between the non-Muslim girls that they are with. the same hair styles, the same one-shouldered dress, the same short pants. *sigh*

knowing far too well that i am an imperfect being, full of mistakes and wrongdoings, but i guess they are not reason enough to stop me from hoping, praying, wishing, and calling out to all Muslim girls out there; 

let us all be 'izzah (proud) of who we truly are. 
A Muslim. 
and what better way to start this; 
than expressing it out loud?
with a pretty cloth on our head. :)

Hijab for the World! 

"Wahai Nabi, suruhlah isteri-isterimu dan anak-anak perempuanmu serta perempuan-perempuan yang beriman, supaya melabuhkan pakaiannya bagi menutup seluruh tubuhnya (semasa mereka keluar); cara yang demikian lebih sesuai untuk mereka dikenal (sebagai perempuan yang baik-baik) maka dengan itu mereka tidak diganggu dan (ingatlah) Allah adalah Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani."

nota kaki: and yes. we don't need fancy twirls; or huge flowers on our Hijabs to make us feel special; 
enough that Allah is watching our hearts when we wear it. betulkan niat. betulkan cara. reminder to self first and foremost. :)

pps: and yes, i'm posting this in a context of Hijab as the first step in covering our aurat. *peace lagi*


mind rant 8#: Lucky Charm


sometimes we don't need big things to happen to us, in order for us to feel lucky. it's always the little things; when we put all of them together, we'd realize that we have a Lucky Charm dangling at our wrist. at least for now, that's almost what i feel like. :)

Case 1
this year, our university is trying it's best in making sure that us Malaysians are not together. we're in different groups, different rotations, different places. tsk tsk. they worked hard. that's how it has been even years back, really. as much as i believe that we all need to be 'international'; mixing and mingling with everyone; one should know that it is rather tiring trying to 'bend like the mat saleh'. =,='' 

in order for you to mix around, you just have to understand their culture, their background, where they are coming from. and one can only do so much. it's not really a matter of not being able to converse with them, it's just a matter of keeping up with them. the topic of conversation is always just...tiring. still, it's not all the time that it's like this. plus we have to understand that they too are younger than us, less exposed to the world outside and just a bit oblivious to the real world; so there's only so much that you can expect. (ceh..macam lah matured sangat Malaysians ni.hehe)

anyway, looking from the Lucky Charm's perspective; despite UCD's effort to separate us all, i was thrown to the peripheral hospital with another Malaysian being. alhamdulillah! little things that one should always be thankful of. with less things to worry about. 

Lucky Charm, huh? :)

Case 2
in my last post, i rambled about my 'lost & found' portion of life. so i recently lost a pouch filled with my necessities from cash to bankcards to important receipts. and Alhamdulillah, with prayers (directly or indirectly), that episode ended with a happy ending. just like the ones before. less than 3 days later, it was safely back in my hands. haih~ 

Lucky Charm, huh? :)

Case 3
we had a very long Friday yesterday. from studies, to tutorials, to lectures. and we cycled here and there, back and forth. and we ended our day with Ijlis Binaa Nu'min Sa'ah (duduk sebentar, beriman sejenak) a.k.a berBulatan Gembira. and after a very long one, we cycled back in the very cold freezing night air, going uphill and downhill, very close to having a severe asthma attack; to the comfort of home.

anyways; after settling down; i suddenly remembered i left my handphone! i was rummaging through my bag to confirm it, and then, as if on cue, the doorbell rang. :) at that moment, i just knew that it'd be my phone (metaphorically-speaking) at my door. and yes, through the door was the smiling face of my kakak usrah, who came with a car, thankfully. (hehe. menyusahkan orang la yan oi), and she happily passed my phone to a very mesmerized-lost-for-words me. Allah is truly truly truly Great!

Lucky Charm, huh? :)


these are just some of the little things that happened to me that one would say as being 'Lucky'. but i beg to differ; because Lucky is not something that exists in a Muslim's world, setuju?

here's one of the photos coming from one of my favourite facebook Page; KhadimulQuran; that explains Luck as what it truly is;


Allah's Will. it's rather a simple concept that one should grasp as part of our Iman. because with Allah's Will, we have Qada' and Qadar. we believe in Qada' and Qadar. Redha dengan Qada' and Qadar.

"senang lah cakap Redha. benda best jadi sape tak Redha."

well that's because i just chose to share those little happy things in my life; which definitely doesn't mean i don't face any hampeh (sad) things along the way. 

anyhow; happy or hampeh; either way they all happen with Allah's Will. so it all really goes back to how our mind works. and how our Heart works. if we all believe in Allah's Will, then we can easily accept that anything good or bad happens for a reason. anything good or bad are all the same; tests to see if we would go back to Him. Faith in Qada' and Qadar.; it's one of those pillars of Iman, that we have always known, but needs constant reminding, over and over and over again.

so are they all the works of my Lucky Charm?
nah~ i call it; Allah's Will. :)

and some verses to kick things in the head, aite?

"Sesungguhnya Kami menciptakan segala sesuatu menurut ukuran." 
[Al-Qamar: 49] 

"Dan tidak ada sesuatu pun melainkan pada sisi Kami-lah khazanahnya, 
dan Kami tidak menurunkannya melainkan dengan ukuran tertentu." 
[Al-Hijr: 21]


ps: i've been postponing a post since weeks back. but my impromptu posts kept coming first.haih~ need to finish that one soon and share some deep thoughts. doakan! :)


Lose some, Gain some

i am already halfway through a post actually, but some musibah (test) happened that i think would be a waste if i don't use whatever feelings that i'm feeling, and whatever it is that i'm thinking for some reminders. :)



eversince i stepped foot in Dublin, there had been a number of times where i have lost my purse. and today, marked my 3rd time that i lost it. cuai sungguh cik izyan. maybe. but no worries, because the first and second was just a momentarily lost because my purse ended up safe and sound with me in the end.

let me brief you about the first two occurrences. 

the first time i lost it, was when i was in Disneyland Paris. yes, guys. you got that right. the big old, huge, filled with humongous amount of people from all over the world, Disneyland Paris. i was in my first year at that time. and it slipped out from my bag when i was riding a roller-coaster. by the time i realized that it was gone, i just knew that it was a lost cause. one insignificant purse, in that huge huge place. i remembered feeling numb, but not sad. things running around in my mind, cause there's so much that i need to do, i don't know where to start. and i was totally shaken with the thoughts that for Allah to give me this, i must've done something really really bad. then, i head to the main reception area (i don't know what was it called, really). reported my missing purse, described it, and the guy at the cashier went behind, and asked "is this yours?". subhanallah. amazing feeling i tell you. the purse was already there even before i realized that it was gone. 

the second time. it was my mini purse. a cheap purse where i would put just my essential stuff to bring to the hospital; some cash, my debit card, my Rambler (card for bus trips) and some other important cards. i parked my bike, and head for the early morning DART (train-like-thingy) to the hospital with Pika, and i  couldn't find my purse. "hmm..maybe i left it at home." after a whole day at the hospital, i was finally heading home for the evening. we arrived at the station and head to our bikes. and there it was, all black and shiny, lying on the ground beside my bike; untouched. subhanallah. another amazing feeling of how Allah is actually taking care of everything without us knowing about it.


anyhow. so despite the two incidences ending with happy endings, i totally believed (and still am) that there are so much more that Allah wanted to teach me. and in those incidences, He had always granted me feelings or thoughts that creep deep into the heart and the mind. insyaAllah.

His Reminders range from anything really for those incidences. it's not just about kebergantungan kepada Allah; it's not just about starting everything with Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim; it's not just about us having to be more careful and detailed with the things that we do; it's a mixture of all that. and sometimes, i believe, that it's just those random moments, where He Wants us to snap out of our daydream. and remind us again;

"Oyy hambaKu, 
I Am Here."


anyway. so this time around i have lost another mini-purse, with all my basic stuff and some stash of cash in it that i bring to the hospital with me. i can't even recall the last time i saw it. because i didn't use it at all last Friday. and yes, as much as it is frustrating that i don't have the slightest memory of it for the day that i think i lost it; i know deep down that if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. i put my effort though. i looked around my room (and the fact that i just rearranged my whole room confuses things even more), i even went to the hospital to look for it, to no avail. sobs~ =,=''

still, there are so many things that i think He is Reminding me right now, better yet teguran-teguran halus from the Above? perhaps yesterday i was a bit caught up with some extra income? or maybe i am not doing that well with my sedekah and infaq? wallahua'lam. so i've yet to see a happy ending for my lost purse this time. but whatever the ending might be; i hope i'll be all macho and bergaya till the very end. *wink*

i remembered a saying which goes; you lose some, you gain some.
but i think in this case, even if i lose some, i know i'm gaining a whole lot more, insyaAllah. :)

make do'a for me. biidznillah i might find a happy ending for it.
but even if it's meant to be lost, 
do pray that my sins are cleared along the way too!
Aamiin. :)

last but not least, here is a hadith yang sangat-pedas-makan-dalam-tikam-dada.huhu~

أنفقي أَوِ انْفَحِي ، أَوْ انْضَحِي ، وَلاَ تُحصي فَيُحْصِي اللهُ عَلَيْكِ ، وَلاَ تُوعي فَيُوعي اللهُ عَلَيْكِ

“Infaqkanlah hartamu. Janganlah engkau menghitung-hitungnya (menyimpan tanpa mahu mensedekahkan). Jika tidak, maka Allah akan menghilangkan barakah rezeki tersebut. Janganlah menghalangi anugerah Allah untukmu. Jika tidak, maka Allah akan menahan anugerah dan kemurahan untukmu.” 
(HR. Bukhari no. 1433 dan Muslim no. 1029, 88)

ps: had 5 open house raya today. tummy so full. and i need to remember names better! T,T
pps: heading to Tullamore for 3 weeks. i'm having butterflies in my tummy. thank Allah for internet and phones. :)


Lucky Hawa


i had an epiphany the other day. that ladies really are special creatures (talk about self-obsessed, huh?) but seriously. i realized that despite the natural hampehness that we are born with, we have a whole bag of special things that guys can never really imagine. (and experience a matter-of-factly) 

nah. i won’t go down the lines of being preggy, motherhood and what not. we all pretty much agreed that those are the reasons Allah put mothers up so high. :)

it’s a different kind of special that i’ve been thinking of; that now i believe to be a very special gift that Allah has given the Hawa beings . i’ll talk about this a little bit openly, so bear with me. 


so girls would always be given a ‘time-off’ every month. where we can’t pray, we can’t recite the al-Quran (but there are different opinions about this), we can’t fast and we can’t do a lot of things basically. 

so this is what makes it very special. because i think only we know, how it feels like, to be longing for all those ibadat that we do everyday. rindu nak solat. rindu nak pegang dan baca Quran. rindu nak puasa. rindu nak pakai telekung. rindu nak Qiam. 

the same things happen when it’s Ramadhan. i think only girls know the ‘bummer’ feelings we feel. when we have to work extra hard if we’re planning on reciting the whole Al-Quran in the blessed month. we can’t really work with the '1 juzuk per day equation' (unless we’re really lucky), and so we have to make our own calculations every year. subtracting the many days left out, and pulun kejar baca 2-3 juzuk sehari. heh. and not to mention of having to be left alone in the house at night, when everybody else heads to the mosque for taraweeh. memang tak best. T,T

and when it’s not during Ramadhan, we are facing a different kind of test. there would always be a time when we are so down and under, and the only thing we wish to do is to be on the praying mat, to be inside the comforting white telekung, to recite the al-Quran, to make do’a on the sejadah; and yet, we’re not able to. 

imagine those feelings. it’s like back when we were kids. everybody is being given ice cream, and yet none were given to us because we have a toothache. ah~ the heartache. 

it’s a crushing heartache. but when i think deeply about it, somehow i felt blessed. the fact that these circumstances lead to those feelings; us yearning to be close to Him, merindu all those routine things we do everyday, at times mistakenly ambil wudhu’, and sometimes we even put the telekung on! yes, that's how much we miss them routines.

anyways, these feelings are a huge gift really; a nikmat. because when you are not able to do so, you’d become so desperate waiting for the time you’re able to. and when you are able to do so, you are so much thankful for all the chances given. 

and this, undeniably, is something that only us girls can feel. 
i don’t know about you, but to me, i feel lucky.
and it’s also another obvious proof, 
that for every single thing, 
there is always a purpose and goodness in it. 
truly, Allah is the All-Knower. 

that’s it for my random 2 cents this week. 
May Allah Bless us all, lucky Hawas. 
and Adams. heh :)


ps: receiving some happy news yesterday. Alhamdulillah a’la kulli hal. count our blessings! (though we might never be able to cause there’s too much!). 



of Contradictions

..cause they might just lead you astray..-yan 

1. The deaths of the 2 malaysian students. who were just back from Malaysia. 

2. Gangnam style. virally taking over the world. i’ve seen it once. 
enough said.

3. Another massacre in Syria. in August alone, it is said that the death toll reached 5440 deaths. 
5440 mujahidin insyaAllah.

 4. Friends;  caught up in ayat-ayat cinta and ayat-ayat kahwin. 
edging closer to their Hari Bahagia perhaps.

and the list goes on.

we would see and read up on contradictory things everyday.
one end from the other.

and you'd come to conclusions;
some of them seems way off the ‘right’ road. tak ada faedah whatsoever.
some may seem very ‘islamic’, i should say.
certain things looked rather angau and flowery,
and certain things are harsh realities that work as our Wake-up calls.

but in the end, one thing remains.
it doesn’t really matter how contrary the things are;
sometimes it guides you to the right path,
sometimes it’s lintang-pukang that you just can’t decide which to take.

what matters are;
how our hearts work.
how our eyes see things.
how our mind choose to think.

with the right Heart, the right Eyes, and the right Mind,
insyaAllah whatever is thrown in front of us,
we are able to take it, mould it, digest it,
and work them out till all they do is bring us back to remembrance of Allah.

so Mr Dunya; bring it on!
cause we have Allah in our Hearts.


ps: problem solved, Alhamdulillah. 
jazakumullah for the prayers J
silent ones or the ones filling the inbox. hee ~

pps: as for the viral video that's infiltrating the Malaysian minds; 
i'd like to take this chance to remind ourselves with the very basics;

Rasulullah SAW bersabda yang bermaksud: 

“Daripada keelokan Islam seseorang ialah 
meninggalkan barang yang tidak berguna padanya.” 

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