Syria: Walk the Talk

how surreal life can be. :(

when i am worried of my exams. sometimes thinking of Malaysia. sometimes heading to the kitchen to indulge myself with food. taking naps. sleeping in my very comfortable bed. and in my prayers, hoping that Allah ease my life. the exams. the choices. the future.

and yet in another part of the world;

a small boy has watched his Mom shot 5 times in the head. seeing his brother shot dead in front of him. him, playing dead among the corpses of his own family. and yet here he is, composed enough to tell us about it all. 

just to remind us, 
that we are doing nothing, if compared to them. 
that our ujian is nothing, if compared to them.

"they talk, but don't do anything."
that's us.

my plea to myself and others;
do something. do anything that we can think of.
no matter how small it is.
share their stories. let the world know about it.
so that the world can pray for them;
because "Doa itu senjata Mukmin."

semoga yang tiada, dikurniakan syahid.
semoga yang masih ada, diberi kekuatan.
semoga yang zalim, diazab sekeras-kerasnya.
Allah Maha Adil.

note: some say the media is lying. some say the Syrian army is innocent. some say it's about getting NATO intervention just like what happened elsewhere. it is confusing. and you will find it harder to know the truth when you dig deeper; but media is the only source we have. and what i know is the pictures and videos don't lie. women and children and men are being killed ruthlessly. who and why? i don't really know. but what we can really do, is hoping that Allah Guides us to the truth, and most importantly, continue our prayers for them. wallahua'lam. :'(


His Words


"If you want to talk to Him, pray.
if you want Him to talk to you, read the Book (Al-Quran)"

ever heard of this quote before? i bet many of us had. and despite that, many still haven't a copy of the Quran translation just yet. but that's another long issue, not for the purpose of this particular post.

a long while back, i've always seen sisters randomly opening the Quran, picking out random verses, and discusses them, drawing out reflections from those verses. some said that they would do it when they are desperately seeking for answers. i've heard so many stories of the chosen verses to be the definite answers for the things they seek. and some do it..just because. :)

i don't know when, but i guess eventually this habit rubbed itself on me. when i find myself opening up the Holy Quran randomly, searching for 'those' verses that was meant to me and only me. sometimes i may be seeking some answers (click). sometimes i would do it just randomly, to see if there is anything that Allah wants me to change. (read: ditegur). *nervous sikit if it's the latter*

most time, if not all, the verses somehow find their way to fit into the situations that i am facing, or the feelings that i am feeling; in a way that i couldn't really describe. you just feel very special, i guess. feeling that it's definitely for you. and after all, we all know the basis in Islam, that nothing is really coincidence. everything that happens is His Will. including what verse that your eyes fall onto when you flip open the page.

i guess what i'm saying is, give it a try. for only you can describe the feeling that you get, when His Words are directed to you. :')

i had one just yesterday. after prayers i decided i need His Words for the vague unsettling feeling that i had deep down. i did it twice. i'll share the first one. (second is a secret. :P)

"Dan orang-orang yang beriman, lelaki dan perempuan, sebahagian mereka (adalah) menjadi penolong bagi sebahagian yang lain. Mereka menyuruh (mengerjakan) yang ma'ruf, mencegah dari yang munkar, mendirikan shalat, menunaikan zakat dan mereka taat pada Allah dan Rasul-Nya. Mereka itu akan diberi rahmat oleh Allah; sesungguhnya Allah Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Bijaksana."

interestingly today; i was blog reading randomly; when i found both verses again. one after the other. goes to show that there are really no coincidences in life, huh?

but in the end,
coincidence or not,
the most important thing is how you act upon finding His Words.
for Quran is not just a book for you to read, but a manual for your actions.



mind rant 4#

salam. it's time for the occasional ramblings again. i'll make it short and simple. for i'm sure nobody is interested in reading much on a random rant. 

it's my final rotation before the exams. and we are currently placed at the Mater Hospital in Dublin for our surgical rotation. i was well prepared for what to expect weeks back; that i will be placed under the team with one of the most scariest consultant. =,=''  who would give out to anyone who walk too slow, or walk too fast, or for not knowing the surnames of all the people in the team.

the first time he gave out to us, i didn't feel anything really. and i actually thought he was nice and calm, for actually listing us the things we need to read up on, before leaving the room. but considering the reactions coming from my Irish partner, i supposed it was quite upsetting. =,=''

i don't really know if at that time i was too happy for being able to 'scrubbed in' a surgery for the first time in my life! or that i have been desensitized for being in the first rotation few weeks back, under a similar kind of consultant; that i genuinely didn't feel a thing. i wasn't bothered. all i thought was, great. i will read and prove to him that i make my effort.

which, at the end of the day, was what i think Allah is trying to teach me; when He Decided to put me in 2 rotations with 'interesting' consultants that i have to face. this is what i think i learnt after so many weeks;

1. that i should not be too worried of what people think. 
2. make the effort. that's all that counts.
3. pressure is good. nak ilmu kan kan?
4. if a thing saddens you, try to not bury it too deep in the heart. Allah kan ada :)

in the end, no matter how evil/rude/weird/scary the people are, they are all just human beings. who are bound to have imperfections within them, just like us. we have to learn to cope with all these. our job is to do the best in developing our characters; according to Quran and Sunnah. if we want to be a nice person, be one because of Him. not because of how people treat us.

hari ni dalam Bulatan Gembira, kak Farah reminded; that sometimes, Allah bring us through these kinds of situations and make us meet different kinds of characters, so that we learn to not be attached to people; that we learn to not expect from others too much; and to hope and pray for Him instead, every minute and every second of the day. no matter what situations we are in, whoever we meet.

Life is not always bliss. especially for those yang Allah Cinta. Didn't he remind us every so often, He Tests those He Love? so put a smile on that face. even if the World turns its back against us, there is nothing to be sad about if we have Him with us. insyaAllah. ;)

that's it for my rant.

ps: after a full week of leaving home before 6am, cycling naik bukit sampai kaki cramp, berlari-lari anak cari wards, doing ward rounds at 7am, nak pengsan by 12pm; finally we were able to sit down, tenangkan hati, enjoyed the beautiful (slightly hot) summer day with beautiful people. Alhamdulillah. 

pps: only watched Boolat Rara's latest video, that abe whatsapp to me. she crawled! cant wait for malaysia.

truly, which Blessings of Allah will we deny?

Friday treats after hospital :)


Adat atau Ibadat?

Woke up at 4am today.  Head out at 6am. Alhamdulillah it’s summer, so the sun was shining rather brightly despite it being 6am. Now it’s almost 9am. Done with ward rounds. Currently studying alone, waiting for my tutorials at lunch time. Writing this post to chase the dizziness away. :P



A few years back, the world Malaysian world were in awe with a wedding clip, by none other than the famous CST production. It showed a wedding of our seniors from KMB apparently. And what captured us the most was the swimming pool scene where the cute newly weds jumped into the pool. With some commentaries of how they meet etc. it was all sweet really. One of a kind, definitely.

And then the CST team along with the videographer industry bloomed. *and of course CST has always been one of my favourites* back then. But after a while, you get to see them everywhere. Too much. Despite all the weddings being beautiful and sweet, my little heart cant help but notice a pattern from all those videos we can find.

1. From just akad nikah (solemnization) ceremony and reception,
now there seem to be 5-6 ceremonies per wedding. =,=''

2. From just the mosques or living rooms, 
now people have specific altars for them.

3. Then people started having majlis berinai.

4. Then there were things like mandi bunga.

5. And then there were the dayangs with all the colour-coded dresses. 
If it’s 12 dulangs, then there will be 12 beautiful ladies. 
Aurat terjaga? Hm..yet to find one.

6. Then there is even the coming out of the car part. 
Used to be the typical Mercedez. 
Then the cars apparently got bigger and more expensive.

7. And then you see things like extragavant majlis bertunang.

8. And then there are even re-enactments of how they meet, 
and how they pop the questions? 
Some even went down on one knee, literally. 
*what are we, mat saleh?*

So many things. I haven’t watched that many. But I thought of sharing the latest ones I bumped into. Where they showed the entrance of the wedding ceremony filled with pre-solemnization portraits of the newly-weds-to-be. And you guessed it right, there were photos of kisses-on-cheeks, hugs, all the poses really *sigh*. I wondered, how did the Tok Kadi felt when he walked in between those portraits? *haha* one can only wonder.

Truth is, I’m scared of what our Malaysian society has turned into. When people takes adat too seriously, and leaves ibadat, too seriously. Im scared of how everybody is doing what everybody else is doing. Following mempiggy-blinded, without actually thinking. 

Pleasing the eyes, rather than the hearts. 
Pleasing our nafs, rather than Our Creator.

And what scares me most, is that I AM living in this society. and iman yang turun naik ni might not be strong enough to keep me grounded with my beliefs should the time come. That I too, will worry more about adat rather than fulfilling my ibadat.

Tapi selagi masa belum sampai, I will keep on praying for me and everyone else out there, that Allah keeps us grounded and rationale in the things that we do, insyaAllah. Some say it’s a once in a lifetime event. I’d say yes, that’s true. That’s why you want to make the best out of it to present it to Him later on.

and here’s one thing that I’ve learnt from a sister a few years back, from Usul 20. (read: source)

“Asal dalam perkara ibadat adalah mengabdikan diri 
tanpa berpaling kepada makna-maknanya 
sedangkan asal dalam perkara adat, 
dilihat kepada rahsia-rahsia, hikmat dan tujuannya.

In my simple understanding and belief;

For Ibadat; 
there is always a reason/benefit/underlying meaning behind them in the Eyes of our Creator. Our job is to do it. Albeit not knowing fully the reason behind it *of course it’s better to know*. Ie; solat. Puasa. Kerja. Etc.

For Adat:
you have to know what and why are you doing them in the first place. Because more often than not, they lead you to all things wrong in His Eyes; especially when we choose to not know, and just follow.

just a thought.


Be still, Little Heart.


dear future-me.
be still, little Heart; be still.


when i see others who are running towards Him.
leaving so many things behind them.
i look at myself and a small hatred crept inside.
hating this slow pace of mine in this chase against Time.

but be still, little Heart; be still.
for Allah looks at the effort,
and the pace that is taking place;
not how fast or how slow it is.


when i see others accomplishing much.
whereas the things they and i do, are just the same.
envious. jealous. dont know which.
but sometimes that little heart says the words: 
"it seems unfair."

but be still, little Heart, be still.
istighfar and smile; are what you should do.
for you don't know what lies ahead in front you;
have you forgotten 2:216?
"and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you, 
and that you like a thing which is bad for you. 
Allah knows but you do not know." :)


when i see those who seems to have everything planned.
where things just miraculously falls into place.
where their hearts are settled.
and we would smile and be happy for others.
yet deep inside anxiously waiting for ours?

but be still, little Heart, be still.
remember that it's a promise He has always made.
ajal, rezeki/jodoh, amal, baik/buruk seseorang,
all are uncertain, how and when they will all happen.
but we are certain for the power of Doa, right?
and we are certain of how He Listens constantly to his Hamba, right?
so be still, Little Heart and never worry;
because the how and when will happen eventually.

so be still, Little Heart, be still.
Allah is with you,
and that is all that you need.
Here and definitely the After,
His Redha is what you should always seek.

with love,
the current-me. :)


Watch with the Heart


spent an hour or so on the phone today, calling home :) and one of mama's advice today was, "jangan tengok benda-benda mengarut (not beneficial)."

i was too lazy to study, and so i thought of watching a movie. because over the weekdays i have made the mistakes of watching benda-benda lagho countless times. huhu. may He Forgives. anyways, i was searching for a movie on The Crusades, when i stumbled upon this movie instead. an old movie really. i'm pretty sure many have watched this.

do click it if you want to watch it.

and try not to read this post, if you don't want any spoilers.

my expectation? just a movie depicting the life of a beloved Prophet. boy, was i wrong. the movie left me  crying under the duvet countless times. amazingly, i didn't cry for the movie, but i cried for the realizations from watching it. :'(

i wondered a lot. if we were in those times, will we be one of those believers, when the Prophet starts telling us about the Jins and Syaitoon? or will we be among those who called him Liars? will we be the ones who gets possessed because of our dark hearts? or be the ones who were sheltered by Iman? will we be like those who repent in the movies shamefully? "shame on us..shame on us!" they yelled. yes, shame on us. :'( 

these are some of my favourite scenes.
which all left me sobbing into my pillow tadi. 
*note: have to change my sheet* huhu.

.."O Allah, You the One and only Creator, and everything I have.
You are all i have in this world.
O all my hope and my shelter,
O the one who i have no other refuge besides you.
And bring my entire grief and misery before you.
so only you, who are my God, stand to save me!
O God, your Mercy is so much that
knowing my feeble condition and weak body, You would not desert me alone.."

"O God, turn our heart strong again with the light of faith,
so we can raise war against your enemy and wickedness,
and defeat Evil for you."

this scene really breaks my heart.
especially when they said it aloud.
showing their submission to Him and only Him.
goes to show that's just all we need. 
our Protector. :'(

nothing special for this post really. i just thought of sharing my reflections from the movie itself; the least i could do on a day filled with barakah like this (note: Friday). overall, it's a movie that teaches about submission to Allah, freeing ourselves from the grasps of syaitoooonirrojim, and most importantly, to repent for the sins we have done. because truly, we are never free of them. so for those who are planning on enjoying this movie later on this weekend, i only have one advise: 
Watch it with the Heart. :')

have a blessed weekend peeps.

*link for some background of the movie. click*



1.2.3 words

i write this post in dedication to my tak-seibu-sebapa-big bro and his team, who had successfully managed a great beneficial event in Southampton. Allah’s blessings all the way. praying that this event has only strengthen our iman, especially those involved in it directly and indirectly, and everyone whose heart has been touched by what they have gained from it, insyaAllah. 


earlier today i have seen so many tweets and my newsfeed was filled with Love this and Love that. it got me smiling really. especially for the first session of the event, which im guessing the talk was about the know-hows in raising children. 

why i was smiling? because most of the quotes posted, were things that i have been through and still am. i thank Allah. because He has given me my abah and mama, who has brought us up in the best possible way. 

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. 
it’s the only kalimah that can describe how i felt for being blessed with the two people. 

so many quotes i’ve read, and so many i wish to share in here. but maybe i will share them one by one insyaAllah if i have the time. i don’t want to bombard the readers with too much love; nanti angau. hehe ;). So, here is one for today.


“saying I Love You to non mahram, 
is easier than saying it to your parents.” 

i have always been a homey-person. so i guess that has gotten me less exposed to how others lived their lives. i was a bit late in realizing that not everybody says “I Love You” that easily to their family. some find it really awkward. some find their tongue would go extra stiff. some don’t even bother. some have never said it once. huhu. =,=’’ 

but in my household, these 3 words are essential. I Love You’s end our phone conversations. I love You’s end our nights before we go to sleep. I Love You’s start our morning when we entered the kitchen groggily to eat breakfast Mama had prepared. I Love You’s are shouted from the bathroom because Abah is about to go out to work, and we were in the middle of shampooing. 

some say: “tak nak lah. nanti jadi tak precious dah bila selalu cakap.” 
maybe. everybody have their own ways, their own thoughts and their own styles. but i beg to differ in this opinion. because in my experience, saying those 3 words for 22 years now, to all those people i love and care for dearly; had never ever changed the meaning behind them words in a slightest bit. precious still, insyaAllah. 

i never felt that those words are not genuine. because everytime i hear them, i know that they came from the heart. you don’t need specific things, or events to say I Love You. because in essence, we love them all the time. kan? 

let say if there are ever a time when we say I Love You and yet, we don’t really ‘feel’ it. i guess the frequency is not something to be blamed. Rather, we ourselves are the ones to be blamed. what makes out heart so rock-stiffed, that we don’t even mean the thing we said? tepuk dada, Tanya iman. 

it’s like saying Alhamdulillah. being grateful to Allah. bersyukur. that’s when we will say it. so, does saying Alhamdulillah all the time, make us any less grateful to Allah? no. but if we do felt that it don’t mean a thing, it’s the heart that’s the problem. why are we saying Alhamdulillah, when we are not even thankful to Allah? macam tu lah I Love You pun. 

if i ever have my way, i would ask everyone around me to make sure that they say I Love You to their loved ones. “cheesy sangatlah.”. fine. change it to; “sayang sangat!” still cheesy? whatever. we all became extra cheesy with non-mahrams in those mendekati-zina-relationships, saying I Love You only after 7 days of knowing one another? yet we give all different reasons not to say so to those who watched us growing up for the past 22 or whataver years we have lived. that’s just bizarre, don’t you think? 

like i said before, saying I Love You’s is a common thing in my life, Alhamdulillah. and it is one of those things that make me felt content. one of those things that kept me thankful to Allah all the time. it filled every part of my heart really. to be able to hear them words constantly by the people i love. not just from my Abah and Mama, but from Kakak, from Abe, and from Lin. *and from friends too.ngee~* and the best part is, i can say I Love You anytime and anywhere too. 

Mama is cooking in the kitchen. and i would hug my very cute Mama, plant a kiss on her cheek, and say; 
“I Love You, Mama.” 

Abah is reading his newspaper intently in the living room, i would just go peek around his paper, 
plant a kiss on his cheek and say; 
“I Love You, Abah.” 

Kakak is making her usual jokes and lawak badut that makes me giggle so much, and i would plant a kiss on her cheek and say; 
“I Love You, Kakak.” 

Abe is busy helping me out with gadgets and techs that i don’t understand, 
explaining things for the 100th time that i still won’t understand, and i would plant a kiss on his cheek and say, 
“I Love You, Abe.” 

Lin is so intense in her studying, finishing her piles of homework from school, 
and i can always go and plant a kiss on her cheek, and say; 
“I love You, sayang.” 

i am thankful that i am able to do all this, and will continue to do so insyaAllah, for the rest of my life. and they have never been awkward. because these are all the things they had done to me. and what’s best, they sometimes do it without me knowing about it. when i would find myself stirred from my sleep, only to feel that Abah or Mama had just kissed me goodnite and saying “I love you sayang” without even expecting for a reply. and it’s always things like this that made me so sure that, it doesn’t matter how many times we say it, what matters most is we mean it everytime we do. insyaAllah. 

so start now. it might be awkward and stiff the first time, but you’d lose so much more if you haven’t even tried it once. but again, everybody is different in expressing their love. this is just a way that i have been brought up in, and i wish to continue it to my own kids one day too insyaAllah. *and perhaps extending them to my anak-anak buah as well. mwahaha.* 

sometimes, love can be expressed more bluntly. it’s just fitrah.
and i just love expressing my love towards others; 
i believe it makes others happy too; 
indirectly, He will be happy too. 

praying this will be considered as an ibadat. Ameen.

Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa Sallam bersabda :
إذا أحب أحدكم أخاه فى الله، فليعلمه، فإنه أبقى في الألفة وأثبت في المودة.
“Apabila salah seorang dari kamu mencintai saudaranya karena Allah, hendaklah ia memberitahu kepadanya, karena hal itu dapat mengeratkan kasih sayang dan memperkuat rasa cinta.” 


Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa Sallam bersabda dalam sebuah riwayat dari Rabbnya :
قال الله تعالى: حقت محبتي للمتحابين في.
“Allah berfirman : “Cinta-Ku telah ditetapkan bagi siapa saja yang saling mencintai karena Aku”.



stress-relief :)

we'll be having a 3-day weekend this time. alhamdulillah :)
it's waaay past midnight. 
i've just finished some new look for my alter-ego. 
puas hati ku. mwahahaha~
i like making cute stuff. matching colours. finding cute pics. looking for good quotes.

reflection for today?
much really.
of late, been thinking of ujian again.
how ungrateful we are, for being so weak with small ujian.
padahal orang lain jauh lagi besar ujian mereka. 

forgive me ya Allah,
for i easily forget.

some pictures i found on chocolates.
i started the weekends with high sugar. (as seen in facebook).
seems it might be that way the whole weekend.
gemok. :P

sorry for the rants.
i promise to write some 'food for soul' the next time.
happy weekend!

1. gahh~~ i took them all. no wonder the diet never works. T_T 

2. looking forward to a good weekend. with books, reminders, family time..and cakes? ;)


3. and drinking lots and lots of caffein. - this will kill me someday. haih~


4. and some of this...? *there's some truth behind it really*
feelings? yes.
thoughts? definitely.
memories? none yet.
and one person who has yet to come.
nowhere near this. prayers are all i've got.
*sorry. layan fitrah jap. i am a normal being. heh*

goodnight world.
be good to everyone.
Allah is Watching. 


True Love

it was my turn to cook today. and as usual, earphones in; i just let the 4GB worth of random-songs-i-dont-know-where-they-came-from to shuffle freely. i'd usually try and make the effort to change any songs that i am not familiar with, but since my hands were full with chickens and stuff, i just let it be. and a song was playing, one that i am not familiar with. but the lyrics caught me; especially at the chorus part:

"And if you should ever leave me,
i will crumble.
that's just the way i am,
i hope you never leave me."


we grew up watching movies or romantic dramas that gave us all that flowery feeling; especially upon seeing scenes where guys crumbled over the girls that they totally love. and we'd go "awww...it's so..sweet. tsk tsk." don't get me wrong, i'd fall for all those movies too. but in reality, i pray that the one Allah Chooses to love me will not be the one like in those lyrics. romantic? maybe. true love? no.

what's true love? and i don't mean the love towards our Creator or our Rasul. and i'm not implying the love for parents/family/friends either. yes, takyah pura-pura taktahu. it's that love that keeps us all wondering and anxious; the love between a man and a woman. 

so how would you define a true love?
one between a guy and a girl and ending up in marriage? hmm...=,=''
one between a guy and a girl, and was opposed by keluarga dan harta, but yet it prevails? double hmm... =.=''
one between a guy and a girl, and it lasts till they were old and crippled? hmm....lalala~
i dont know. different people, different definitions.

but here's my little thought;
true love is a love that keeps you standing and strong. love that keeps you going. love that makes you think. love that makes you sacrifice. love that makes you give much more that what you take. love that makes you rational. love that produces all those sifat mahmudah we learnt in Darjah Satu: sabar, penyayang, tenang, lembut hati, yakin, semangat, rajin. the list goes on. 

love between a man and a woman is a blessing by Allah. everybody knows that. here's a reminder again, in case you've forgotten. :)

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

and so the best intention to start with is always to pray that it lasts till Jannah right? but the fact of the matter is, along the way, one will leave first. (in most cases, if not all). so what happens then?

in my opinion, i believe that a true love will keep the one left behind, stronger. when he or she will strive even harder to reach that Place, while believing and insyaAllah praying that the one who has left has already reached our Creator.

we have stories to prove this too. :) of true love. it's like the love between Khadijah R.A and our beloved Prophet. when  their love keeps him strong; when she was with him and especially when she was no longer with him. it's like the love between Aisyah and our Prophet. when their love prevails as she went on to teach others what Rasulullah had taught her. proving that's how much she loved Rasulullah. :)

that's true love. when the memories of the one who left are not just memories, but they live on in the heart of the one left behind; making him/her a better person.

so as much as the lyrics are somewhat true, because undeniably nobody wants to be left behind. but it's something everybody has to face sooner or later. sometimes we may leave a loved one by choice, but there will definitely be a time where we would leave them without choice. and if that time comes, i wish he (future he. heheh) will be stronger in the path towards His Redha; and not crumble instead. only then will it proves that it's the True Love we were looking for in the first place.

nevertheless, the key to the Heart is always His to start with.
but at least this is my idea of True Love.
what's yours?

may Allah bless these thoughts and prayers. 
i end my jiwang karat mode with this verse:

“Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal saleh, 
kelak Allah Yang Maha Pemurah akan menanamkan dalam (hati) mereka 
rasa kasih sayang.” 
(19: 96).



don't try looking for the song. the melody is as slimy as the lyrics. ugh. 
the only good side is it got me thinking deep. heh.

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