Cinta: Ingat-ingat Lupa

today i prayed for that Cinta. cinta kepada Rasulullah S.A.W. banyak yang saya lupa. too busy searching for His Blessings and His Attention, that i have forgotten that without Rasulullah, we won't get to know our Creator. without this one special human being, we won't get to know of His Rahmat. he who remembers his ummat. every single one of us. 

and yet, if i was asked about him,
barulah kalut nak bukak buku refer balik.
benda-benda yang saya ingat-ingat lupa.

about his life.
his struggles.
his hardships.
his compassion.
and his love.

watching this video below, it's obvious that what you give is what you're going to get. 
and i am seriously not giving enough. so how can i expect to get what i want? 
to meet him when he calls for his followers di padang Mahsyar.
let us aim to be one of them. 



another week has passed. a very busy one with so many things to be done; keluar gelap, balik gelap. lari pergi kelas, pastu lari pergi hospital. sesat lagi. haih :) but alhamdulillah. for all the things He taught, for all the things He made me think of. for everything, really.

and not wanting to waste away any thoughts of mine, here i am again with my therapy. hoping to start off the weekend with a 'working' mind and racing thoughts (not in a psychotic manner, hopefully.heheh). :)

few days ago, we had this lecture on Risk Management and Patient Safety. it was one of those subjects; teaching you things you should know of, but you really dont feel any relevance behind it all for the time being. because we, sadly, are those exam-oriented students who learn things mostly not to know, but just to ace those exam papers. (man, we need to seriously change!)

anyways, the lecture was basically all about the things hospitals had done to avoid any unwanted events, be it errors and mistakes in clinical practice. ok ill try and make it short, im not trying to summarize my lectures here (or prove to anyone that im concentrating in class.hahaha). but at the end of it, they played a video; a re-enactment of a true case happening in a hospital back in UK, where a doctor mistakenly inject a drug meant to be given intravenously, but was injected intrathecally instead. in simpler words, tersalah bagi ubat. why? because of miscommunications here and there, some unwanted circumstances cropping up etc. so basically, that mistake ended up with the death of the patient. and even the two doctors involved in it, quit medicine. T,T


first of, it made me think of how difficult it is; that being a doctor goes way beyond that. a lot of procedures are involved because you are handling others. i have always thought it was about asking patients questions, and diagnosing them, perform some simple exams, or difficult procedures. i have forgotten all the tiny details you have to take into considerations. like having to confirm and re-confirm your drugs and data countless times with so many people. having to write down a lot of things. all the details really, that may seem irrelevant to you.

but most importantly, what i thought most about was how our Deen has taught us of acceptance; of Qada' and Qadar. in life, not everything is perfect. we all know that. and we ourselves can never be perfect. and we know of our imperfections, through all the mistakes that we have made. some are made after we have tried really hard to avoid it. and some mistakes are made without even us knowing about it. and the mistakes always have consequences, be it on ourselves, or others around us. and seeing that clip, i realized how easily doctors can make mistakes. not just about misdiagnosing, but sometimes misreading things, mislabelling medicines, which all may lead to harming the patient. 

but i guess that is the essence behind it all, that all you can do is really put some effort in the things that you do. buat kerja betul-betul, be careful of small details, be mindful of everything. and yet, if things happened the other way around and the blame is still on us, we learn to accept it. because Allah has Decided for it to be that way. especially in deaths. there would be so many different reasons that we can come up with on the causes of death. heart attacks, too much loss of blood, ruptured vessels etc. but deep in our hearts, i guess a Muslim should always know that, it's just his time has come. there and then. it's their time to go back to Our Creator. 

and yet, being in Malaysia pun, i'm sure ramai lagi yang belum grasp this concept. let alone if you think of Ireland. where nobody even knows what Qada and Qadar is. so other consequences follow. you might go into court for the mistakes you made, you might be sued etc. it seems unfair, but again, that's just how Allah wants it to be.

i guess what i learnt most that day was that, i'll soon be making mistakes all the time. more physical mistakes that is, because im pretty sure i'm making mistakes all the time too right now. i've heard of a person saying that doctors really do kill people. but the fact is, Allah is just using us doctors as a tool, to be a part of the reason behind those deaths, or any unwanted illnesses. because that is how Sunnatullah works too.

a part of me is scared truthfully, wondering when those time comes, will i be ready to face all of that emotions accompanying them? having to see people die before your eyes, and being a part of the reason behind them all. letting the patient's hopes down, when you tell them that they will be paralyzed for life? fuh, scary. but another part of me is excited too. wondering how much will i learn. how much will it strengthen me inside? most importantly, will it make my iman stronger? wallahua'lam, but i pray they would.

i know i have mentioned this countless times. but i really want to be a doctor. helping others is a part of it, definitely. cari makan pun of course is another part of it. but most importantly it's to help myself. because it is a known fact, that with the right intention, it is definitely a job that brings you closer to Allah. how can it not?

when deaths, hopelessness, and mistakes are all there in front of you; 
constantly reminding you every second 
that in Allah is where we should all put our trust in. 
not the pills, 
not the stethoscope, 
and definitely not the white-coats.

to You, please make me a doctor. a good Muslimah doctor, please?
ameen. :) *tolong ameenkan ye.hehe*

24th January 2012
White Coat Ceremony. 
marking the start of the final half of medicine.

with the PMC kids who will be leaving us soon. huhu T,T

will be with them for another 2.5 years, insyaAllah.

yours truly,
one who's always praying the white-coat stays on :) ameen.


That Rope: Grip it Hard

stumbled upon this video. i dare say that this will touch your heart. i cried watching it. i cried again just listening to it. sometimes, you just know, that when the words come from the heart, it will definitely reach another's heart. listening to her story, i felt this heavy feeling inside. jealous, happy, excited and sad. it's an intermingled feeling really. when you just wish, that you could feel like this. at all times. sadly, even in a day, we find it hard for us to really sit down and reflect. to say; 

alhamdulillah, ya Allah. You let me think of you today.
alhamdulillah, ya Allah. You are still holding my hand today. 
alhamdulillah, ya Allah. i am still a Muslim today. :')

we rarely thank Him for this huge nikmat that we have; that we are blessed with. nikmat iman. whom so many others are finding it hard to find. and yet so many who already have some, rarely wants to keep it. nikmat paling besar. yet we played around with it. doing things that eat away that little bit of iman inside us. making us forget. 

back when i was in KMB, there used to be a saying (if i'm not mistaken) that i love to repeat to myself over and over. tentang Tali Allah.

we have an invisible rope, tying us to Him. He's Holding one end, and we are holding the other. jadi janganlah kita bermain tolak-tarik dengan tali Allah. because have we ever think of it; if one day He might just let it go? nauzubillah.

my advice is obvious; let us all try and grip that rope firmly. because in my humble analogy, once it all ends; with that Rope, He'll take us straight up to meet Him. angkat je kita naik. insyaAllah when that final Day comes. when feelings can't even be described. let's pray for it.

ps: and it's interesting really. that this is what Islam taught us about the concept of The Rope. and yet for many out there who don't know, their concept of the rope may be the total opposite from us; when at troubled times, all they want is a hug.. around the neck.. with the rope. nauzubillah.


وَٱعۡتَصِمُواْ بِحَبۡلِ ٱللَّهِ جَمِيعً۬ا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُواْ‌ۚ وَٱذۡكُرُواْ نِعۡمَتَ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيۡكُمۡ إِذۡ كُنتُمۡ أَعۡدَآءً۬ فَأَلَّفَ بَيۡنَ قُلُوبِكُمۡ فَأَصۡبَحۡتُم بِنِعۡمَتِهِۦۤ إِخۡوَٲنً۬ا وَكُنتُمۡ عَلَىٰ شَفَا حُفۡرَةٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱلنَّارِ فَأَنقَذَكُم مِّنۡہَا‌ۗ كَذَٲلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَہۡتَدُونَ

Dan berpeganglah kamu semuanya kepada tali [agama] Allah, 
dan janganlah kamu bercerai berai, dan ingatlah akan ni’mat Allah kepadamu ketika kamu dahulu [masa Jahiliyah] bermusuh musuhan, maka Allah mempersatukan hatimu, lalu menjadilah kamu karena ni’mat Allah orang-orang yang bersaudara; dan kamu telah berada di tepi jurang neraka, lalu Allah menyelamatkan kamu daripadanya. Demikianlah Allah menerangkan ayat-ayat-Nya kepadamu, agar kamu mendapat petunjuk.

alhamdulillah ya Allah.
it's never enough. :')

yours truly,
praying that i'll grip harder.


Oblivious? Bacalah.


the other day, i found a very interesting video coming from UAI's (for those who don't know, it's the initials for Ustaz Azhar Idrus) avid fan, im guessing. by the way, yes i'm also a fan of his. i have high respect for his personality, and most definitely his way of spreading dakwah. i know many people find him a bit harsh. he is, actually. but i find that his funny and straight forward points are great at times, when all we need are some imaginary slaps in the face to get us back to reality; that we all are Allah's creations, created for a purpose (two purposes i suppose; 2:30 & 51:56), and yet we are stupid beings who likes to waste time, dan banyak lagi lah.

anyways, click here for the video mentioned. 

rasa best after watching the video. knowing the fact that it's fairly easy for us to seek knowledge nowadays. fairly easy for us to know what is right and what is wrong. just the other day, a friend of mine asked me a question regarding samak, and all i did was googled it. so many webs with all the answers needed. on that note, yes of course, we have to be careful too with the sources of those ilmu agama.

however, one Arab brother spoke of this issue (from the last post i mentioned about going to a halaqah). he expressed his thoughts of how easy for us to seek ilmu nowadays, that all of them are just a click away. but then his next sentence snapped me back from this dream of mine;

"it's so easy for us to find those ilmu, 
that i'm afraid our punishment will be 10 times worse in the Hereafter."

when it involves ilmu agama, i always heard of people saying way back then, "tak apa kalau kita tak tahu." which leads to many of us who chose to remain oblivious to hukum-hakam as well as peraturan Allah. especially when it involves small intricate details. for example, you just don't want to know in details about whether we can actually eat out at non-Muslim restaurants, or how Khuf actually works, or if certain cara pakaian is okay or not, or the do's and don'ts when we're in 'love' etc. many of us thought, that it's okay. that Allah will let us go if we did something wrong, dengan syarat we actually don't know that it's wrong.

but when i came here, a sister shared. truthfully, Allah will ask us back, why then didn't we look for those ilmu agama, to know whether those things that we did were wrong or not? because deep down, we all know that those ilmu are always there, they're all from the Al-Quran. i think it's fair for me to say that, in today's world, the statement, "saya tak tahu." is not valid anymore; because the real thing we are actually saying is, "saya tak nak ambil tahu". 

betul tak? because nowadays, even if you're not looking for things, it's just there in front of you. hukum tu hukum ni. teguran tu teguran ni. take facebook for example, your homepage is filled with so many great articles and videos of Deen (intermingled with lagho things too sadly), that it's quite impossible for you to remain oblivious to them.

and sometimes, many chose to remain oblivious to small details too, saying that, "agama ni tak menyusahkan." but the thing is, if we thought of it as menyusahkan, of course it will become one. but if we think of trying to make it as perfect as possible, then it won't be menyusahkan after all. kan?

if we can stay up all night, just to find those perfect HD videos of our favourite movies, or dramas, because we want to enjoy the best quality pictures; was it menyusahkan? those many hours googling for the right webs? or when we wanted to surprise our Baby Boo with a birthday party, and decided to make the best chocolate cake possible, and called up his friends, spending hours and hours to cook, planning every single details, was it menyusahkan at that time?

thus, i think it goes back to how much we want certain things. if we really want to present the best of ourselves, applying Deen in every aspect of our lives just like how our prophet Rasulullah S.A.W did; then seeking ilmu agama, even to the smallest of details won't be menyusahkan after all kan? 

because in the end we are just His hamba,
susah-susah sikit untuk Dia;
it's the least we can do to the One who Gave us everything. :) 

insyaAllah, this is again a reminder to self, first and foremost.


yours truly,
trusting Him, that He's giving me the best in life. ;) 


mind rant 2#

salam. it's another edition of those mind rant. sorry, a fellow reader gave a positive comment to the last one, so that somehow boost my spirit. alhamdulillah, it seems like my ranting was not that pointless after all. but if they do get pointless, remind me to stop will you? jazakumullah :)



only a day left till the new term starts, and Allah Knows how unprepared my heart and mind is. there is this small knot deep deep inside my tummy. worried of all the possibilities for this final half of medicine i'm about to embark in. and the fact that the results for last term's awfully-difficult exams are not out yet, only tightens that knot. ugh. but alhamdulillah, maybe Allah is still giving us a chance to continue making du'a for those papers. please dont fail us, please dont fail us, make things easier for our studies ya Allah, we really want to be doctors T,T. ameen ya Rabb.


made some hard decisions lately, as well as doing some crazy stuff that i have never ever imagined my whole life. somehow, i trust that it has been planned by Him all along, that things ended up this way. some part of me is excited. no, im not putting hopes that all will turn out positive, but the mere thought that Allah Guides this and made me do this and that, somehow feels right; that in a weird way, i dont actually really mind whatever the outcome might be. because it felt like Allah deliberately controls every actions and thoughts of mine. you just feel perfectly safe. best ouh~ :) 

it reminded me of a hadith,

Sabda Rasulullah saw dalam sebuah hadist qudsi Allah berfirman:

“Hambaku senantiasa mendekatkan diri kepadaKu dgn ibadah sunnah, nescaya Aku mencintainya.  Jika Aku sudah mencintainya maka Aku menjadi pendengarannya dengannya dia mendengar, Aku menjadi penglihatannya dengannya dia melihat, Aku menjadi tangannya dengannya dia bertindak, Aku menjadi kakinya dengannya dia berjalan. Jika dia memohon kepadaKu maka Aku benar-benar akan memberinya dan Jika dia meminta perlindungan kepadaKu maka Aku benar-benar akan melindunginya“


not to say that i feel like i am the best of hamba right now, so Allah Loves me (though it doesn't hurt to wish for it *cough cough*); but it did remind me of this. gaaah~~ i pray that in this lifetime of mine, there will be a time (many many many times pun tape, all the time pun lagi bagus!) , when He really does love me that much. huu~ because if He Loves us then we would certainly enter Jannah! and we can actually meet Him! *dreamy land* insyaAllah. let us all make that our vision! woot2~


just now, approximately 4 hours ago, i went to Clonskeagh Mosque near my house, upon being invited by my usrah-mate, Jasmin. so me and Pika head down to the mosque, with the freezing cold wind caressing our face (more like slapping), for the halaqah (a gathering meant to spread reminders?). it was one of those Arab's halaqah, and yes, we were the few Malays there. 

it was exciting really, to see a culture totally different than ours. Jasmin is used to it though, since she's so involved with the cool islamic societies in college. (she's awesomely involved with the Arab's brothers and sisters; i can only drool over her awesomeness most of the time, being the hampeh usrah-mate). anyways, within those 1 hour,  i learnt so much, alhamdulillah. from the talks as well as from my observations.


the halaqah was mainly their way of trying to gather muslims' (they were all teenagers mainly) in a weekly meeting; just discussing religious things; be it books, sharing stories of the sahaabah, some experiences in dakwah, some hot issues of the day (just now it was about gays) etc. it was more or less similar to our weekly usrah (by the Malay students here), except that halaqah is in a bigger group. 

anyways, the first awesome thing i noted then, was the fact that they were so young! the seats at the front were filled with kids aged 12-15 im guessing. and i've learnt way long ago to accept the fact that if you see Arab guys who looked like they're 25-27, they are actually 17. yes, most of them are all younger than us. i felt thankful in a way, that we have these young brothers and sisters that already cared about Deen at an early age, despite their appearances. (oh my yan, how can you be so shallow? judging people based on their looks. shame on you!). some looked like rock stars, some looked like they are bullies, some seems like they have just finished soccer practice, some looked like those hip-hop kids; but the fact remains that they are all in that room, attending that halaqah on their own accord, wanting to discuss about our Deen. ahh, sejuk hati ibu mengandung. how looks can really deceive us, huh!

then my thoughts flew back home to Malaysia. if we see boys with hip-hop clothes, im guessing they will 95% do only hip-hop, and won't go to these kinds of gatherings. (sorry if i'm being too su'uzon here, *cough cough*). okay let's take another example. 12 year old malaysian kids back home; if we were to grab a handful of them and interviewed them, all they care about would mostly be football and that's about it. this got me thinking, that again, our society needs to start the change. i guess those Arab kids, they were raised in an environment that taught them the importance of seeking ilmu about our Deen. they need to understand their Deen, and just accepting what their parents told them to do; solat 5 waktu, puasa Bulan Ramadhan, pakai hijab; is not enough. they have to understand why they are doing it. thus, i think this is the driving factor of why those young cute harry-potter look-a-likes Arab kids were there in the halaqah.

but our kids? at 12, all we know is we have to do it, if not, then our parents will be angry. that's about it. that's the reason why at 18, they have no regards what so ever with Allah's Rules. menagih dadah, minum arak, berzina. because none of them knew why those rules exist in the first place, why they have to abide to it, what are the consequences that they have to face here in Dunya as well as in Akhirah, etc. they don't understand Deen, that way of life, Guided by Allah. they knew nothing. we learnt nothing of essence during our childhood days, betul tak?

haih. so many things in mind right now. but i hope you guys get what i'm saying, right? i guess there is only so much that we can do, to fix the deteriorating society that we're living in. not to say that we have to leave them all behind, because it's never too late. but i think it's also the time for us to understand that we are the ones that can create the new society. spread the fikrah (understanding) around. to our family, friends, colleagues, your next door neighbour, that guy standing next to you in the bus. start now, with ourselves. and then when we find the right partner, who understand things like we do, and then insyaAllah we will then know better the Do's and Don'ts of raising the next generation. implement the importance of knowing AND understanding what Deen is. don't repeat the same mistakes of the earlier generations. 

a great analogy that i've heard of is; dont give them the fish, but teach them how to fish. so don't go telling our kids this and that, what to do and what not to do in Deen;  instead teach them why they need to understand their Deen, and the importance of finding guidance in understanding their Deen. itu yang penting kan? (selain dari kerjasama)


i have a few more awesome points i wished to rant about in here, but since it is me ranting, i'm afraid that it might be too long. so insyaAllah till the next post. toodles and salam ;)

yours truly,
praying these words benefit. Ameen :)


We, The Weird Humans

i came across a picture in MukaBuku. showing 2 malaysian artists. somewhat i think it's a poster to perhaps a new movie or drama. it was a typical pose really (which also leads me to think of how distorted our minds have become, that we begin to accept this as a norm). they were standing reeally close, and the woman as always, wore revealing clothes.

so what captured my attention was not the picture, but rather the status from that hamba Allah. i dont really remember the exact words, but more or less she questioned. when those kinds of pictures, or any obvious hukum-hukum Allah yang dilanggar are circulating around, nobody really actually bothers to give their say in it. but things like that Majlis Sambutan Tahun Baru that became a hit, so many different people condemns it. this and that is wrong, whereas we do know that most of the things they did didn't go overboard. *defensive much?heheh*

my point here is, it's a typical Syaitoonirrajim's way of diverting us from that rightful path. when we stay silent for obvious sinful things done, but for things that are not, somehow we create commotions, scrutinizing the smallest of details, that are perfectly okay in the first place.


and personally, this is what i learned today. Allah somehow had chosen me to do certain things that are seriously testing my sanity and my faith. (okay, over sikit part sanity tu). so many feelings got involved; anxiety, stressed, confused, excited, worried, you name it.

i was worried of the things that i should do. but Abah's question was easy, am i committing a sin? i said No. then why are you worried? if it's a sin, then go ahead, be worried. if it's not, then all is well. the main point is that i'm still abiding to all His Rules.

that somehow taught me something. i reflected back to how i used to be many years back, when i did things that led me to sins. astaghifirullah. but i don't remember any feelings of being worried at that time. well, yes, maybe to a certain extent it was because i was oblivious to a lot of ilmu.

but somehow i believe that this is how the majority of us humans have turned into. the Weird Humans. when the thing is right, so many thoughts come to mind. of this and that. those was-was feeling whispered by those syaitoonirrojim. yet, when the thing is wrong, eventhough deep down we know it's wrong, those whispers don't come by. most of the time, it's those get-it-over-and-done-with attitude is what we humans opt for.

for example, when you're about to wear a dress that is slightly sexy, you'd thought, okay la. sekali ni je. it's not revealing pun. and that's it. but if we were about to wear something that covers the aurat, that is actually  appropriate, all sorts of thoughts came to mind. nanti nampak baik sangat ke? ke orang cakap tak ikhlas? drastik sangat ke perubahan aku ni? bla bla and bla. 

so i guess sometimes, when we're making decisions; it's easier to make things simple. answer some simple questions. does it abides to Allah's rules or not? is it sinful or not? and when those creepy whispers comes to mind, say Astaghfirullahala'zim instead. because yours truly, the Red Devils army, are doing their best to stop us from doing what is right.

we, are Weird Humans.
yang Haram selalu dipermudahkan.
yang Halal selalu disusahkan.

of course, these things are easier said than done. but it doesn't hurt to remind one another once in a while. :)
susah nak dapat syurga ni kan? haih~~


yours truly,


Generalisasi dan Diferensiasi

post ini sangat panjang. you've been warned :)


i wasn't born in Kelantan. but i was definitely raised there. we came back to Pasir Mas when i was two. *and a half?*. At 5, we moved to Kubang Kerian, near enough Hospital USM that you can see it clearly through the back windows; we stayed there eversince. I went at first to Tadika RIPAS, just a small kindergarten across the road; then proceeded to SK Islah; where i loved all the things that i was involved in, glorious days you should say?; continued to SMSTMFP; i have never imagined any other school, because i wanted us family to be the Farisian family. Abah, Mama, Kakak and Abe went there (and Abe Ammar too). but sadly, 3 months into it (or was it only a month?), i was diagnosed with homesick + chronic gastritis (now i know it's due to over-secretion of gastric juice coming from stress), despite abah and mama coming everyday and the house is just 15 minutes away. :) but that's Allah's plans. because i ended up in SMKA Naim Lilbanat, which i love dearly till this very day. even though i didn't specifically learn about Deen there, but it did form some basis of my characters now. then, i headed to MRSM PC (ironically it's situated beside SMSTMFP, heheh) and i had one of the greatest time there. (and some darkest hours too that i dare not cherish.huhu..)

*cough cough* sorry. that's a tad too much info of my schooling days. my point is, the first 18 years of my life, was spent in Kelantan. i have never had any outside friends. (maybe a few in my highschool) and it was during my pre-college days that i finally truly mingled with those outside of Kelantan.

in KMB, i met those from Melaka, Johor, Kedah (which i find myself almost always very close to those from Utagha na) Seremban, Kuala Lumpur etc. and wanna know the first few fun facts i hear?

1. budak kelantan ni assabiyyah. they don't like to mix with others.
so now if i prefer to have a fellow Kelantanese as my future hubby, i may seem like one ke?  but do people know, that my one and only reason is because i dont want to have to think of which kampung i should head back to during Raya? *cough cough* berfikiran jauh sikit.

2. budak kelantan and budak kedah memang akan selalu bergaduh.
when i asked; "but i'm from Kelantan. you're from Kedah. but we're close friend?" "yan lain." somehow that answer is not sufficient enough for me.

3. budak kelantan is perceived as being really bad in English.
"i seriously didn't think you were from Kelantan." upon listening to my first presentation. somehow i find it confusing. is that supposed to be a compliment?

4. taknak kahwin dengan orang kelantan, banyak masalah.
why? they have uncles and aunts who married some Kelantanese, and they had problems in marriage bla bla. some people even make it clear. "cepat-cepatlah kahwin. tapi kalau boleh taknak orang Kelantan." "nenek benci orang Kelantan." kata seorang nenek dari Johor. great. =,=''

5. muka serious tak macam orang Kelantan. @ aah, nampak muka Kelantan.
what's that supposed to mean? i didn't know that facial expressions and dressings can help you differentiate people.


and the list goes on. i've heard so much that i grew tired of explaining to people that human beings aren't the same. but one thing i finally conclude, that this is what we call Generalization. growing up, i have never heard Abah or Mama say things like, orang Melaka/Johor/Negeri/Kedah/Sabah/Sarawak memang macam itu atau macam ini. (this and that). 

if i were to judge a negeri based on a person that i met, then how would that make everybody? i see a lot of teenagers in Kuala Lumpur who go clubbing, doing inappropriate gestures in pictures. so should i say budak Kuala Lumpur memang macam tu? and for those nice friends of mine from Kuala Lumpur, i'd say to them, "you guys are different."? 

rather than coming to that kind of generalizations, i'd rather say, those kids have problems. we have the same kind of teenagers everywhere and in Kelantan too, and the Negeri is definitely not to be blamed, but the upbringing of the kids should. 

Some people don't want their kids marrying a Kelantanese, because they hear stories of problems in family etc. then should i not marry a guy from Melaka, just because i hear few stories of weird mother-in-laws from Melaka? or those in Johor, because i hear the mother-in-laws would ask weird questions to the future daughter-in-laws, testing the basic cooking skills, scrutinizing every talent we have, before we are accepted into the family? so if my parents are the world's most awesome and coolest in-laws in the world, you would say that they're not the typical Kelantanese?

i guess to a certain extent, we are easily detected in a crowd, and are subjected to generalization; because of our distinct dialects. and also the fact that many of us got twisted tongue (a.k.a bau budu) when we try to not talk in our dialects. 

but here is my opinion, to people who still talk about this facts.

stop the generalization. it's hurtful at some point. we human beings are not the same. and every human being have their own imperfections. if you really want to generalize something, then it better be their good points. budak-budak Johor are very funny. those budak KL i know are all cool. This Melaka girl eats healthy. budak Kelantan .........(fill in the blanks with positive facts) etc etc.

stressing on others' bad points does not get us anywhere. rather, i think it increases the hatred/assabiyyah/annoyance in you. and this is not just about sifat kenegerian. it applies to all. be it a group of friends, a society, a jemaah, a political group. don't generalize them because of a few weird individuals or members. nobody is ever the same. remember that. 


Differences should be embraced, 
rather than scrutinized;
They help us think.

وَمِنۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ خَلۡقُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَٱخۡتِلَـٰفُ أَلۡسِنَتِڪُمۡ وَأَلۡوَٲنِكُمۡ‌ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ لَأَيَـٰتٍ۬ لِّلۡعَـٰلِمِينَ

Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah menciptakan langit dan bumi dan berlain-lainan bahasamu dan warna kulitmu. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi orang-orang yang mengetahui.


yours truly,
a Muslim. raised in Kelate. 
and planning to remain in it too. ;)


mind rant #1

i wish to not rant much about my life in here; because i dont think it benefits much. but here comes one. and mind you, this will be a very random rant. sigh~ sorry. it has become a therapy for me lately. to do some blogging. because it gets this brain of mine going. perhaps leaving some of that congested feeling behind. 

im back from my holiday. went to Belgium for 5 days. had one aim there, to pray as much as i can. musafir kan doa dia special sikit. so i hoped for it, and prayed much for it. ranging from anything to almost everything. a bit thankful that we had a longer night-time now that it is still winter. which means that we have to head back to the hotel a little bit early. and usually when you're back, you're drained out. walaupun takde lah jalan jauh sangat. so that leaves the hotel room all quite and perfect for that 'slow-talk' with Him.

and after those days, here i am again. back in my room in Dublin. nothing has changed much. same old, same old. checked some facebook news. seems like a lot has happened. ps: Anwar Ibrahim's story was on the Belgium's news by the way. checked my emails.  which leaves this heart of mine all empty again. i don't know why, but lately, it seems harder for me to define what happiness is all about. i smiled, but my insides are not. i laughed, but my heart is tired. 

getting old? maybe. homesick? very much. in need of Him? more than ever. 

checked kakak's blog. rindu Boolat who's growing too fast. beautifully i may add. *wink* called Abah+Mama. will call again tomorrow. and will text Abe later. amazing isn't it, how Allah makes them all comforting to us? and those close friends, who are far away, you rarely talk to them, let alone see them. but they are the ones who comforts you the most. i find it amazing, when Allah put the love at all the right places.

and then i read some articles from the mind-opener blogs from the right corner. and i think since i'm in those age,  any Chenta posts would grab my attention first. *cough cough* yes, typical typical. 

Apakah Terlarang Bercinta Sebelum Berkahwin? click.

nah. tajuk tak boleh best lagi ke? i find it very comforting though. in my life, i call this term of 'bercinta sebelum berkahwin' as crushes. when you like someone, and you pray so much that he will propose to you or something. that's how i define it. but sometimes, even crushes can be dangerous. when you sometimes wish for it too much, and forgetting the concept of takdir Allah. so i think it should be done moderately. pray for them as you wish, because He Hears you, but at the same time, leave it to Him to decide what's (or in this case who is) best for you. meaning that if your crush is not the One, then pray that He closes that heart of yours. yelah, over-crushing can get you crushed. so let Him Protect that heart of yours. 

but talking to Abah + Mama about crushes somehow ended up differently. they will ask for names, asal mana, universiti mana yadda-yadda. when i ask why, they say: "ibubapa bertanggung jawab untuk mencari pasangan untuk anak perempuan." haha. very funny. but i know all they did was making me feel better :) *i love them with all my heart.* 

anyways... reading the post, im guessing that bercinta sebelum kahwin is also those period of 'bertunang'. when you're trying to get to know someone. but since im nowhere near that category, let us all angguk-angguk faham with all the facts given, alright? ookay.

tengok. bab cinta sikit terus merapu panjang. anyways, a friend of mine is getting married soon alhamdulillah. (sebenarnya ada a few lagi.aaaaa~~~) she told me so much about the trials in pertunangan. but she went through it fairly well, alhamdulillah. only a month left, and all that trials will pass insyaAllah. agh. jealous the zealous by the way *i dont know if this word exist*. but here are my reasons of being jealous. i think this post pretty much sums up what i feel. huhu~~ click here. kudos to the one who wrote it. couldn't have explained it any better.

hmm, what else. oh, less than a week left before the new term starts. scary! and this time, all those malaysian classmates of mine won't be there. only the 12 of us will be left behind in my batch. the so called full-course student. we have different classes next term. soon in March, those who are doing twinning programmes will all head back home for PMC; im dreading those days. but it will definitely be something new too. when it's not all about going to classes and lecture notes. it's the 2nd half of medicine, when you're exposed to new things. aghh this will definitely be scary. may Allah ease this. did i mention that i really, realllllyy like, totally realllyy want to be a doctor?huhu~

that's about it. praying that Allah grant my prayers. and the special prayers *cough cough*. and i hope He Grants yours too :) salam peeps. 

ps: jangan lupa baca Quran! everyday okay? kalau tak sila slap your own face. :P

pps: another therapy of mine. blogging, and looking up for random beautiful pictures :)



so, all is actually well. 
stop and say:



Choosy and Picky


alhamdulillah, many have voices out their opinions about this issue. and mine is not that different either. but i have some additional thoughts about it. may it benefits. :)


lately we've seen much posts in facebook, about the downfall of certain individuals who have studied overseas. i dont think i need to mention specific names here because many have heard enough about them. a genius who chose the path of being a prostitute, an ex-medical student who thinks that we can be both gay and Muslim(?? emoticon: rolling eyes), and the latest topic, an icon for us SPM students a few years back, who have fallen into the trap of living the Western life. basically, all of them happened here, di seberang laut-laut. (read: overseas)

to me, i find it a little bit funny, that our Malaysian news were covering it a leeeettle bit over-proportionately back in Malaysia; mainly the newspapers. (tabloids lain lah, they are created solely for these kinds of stories). but it seems just wrong, for people to dwell over and over about them, going into intricate details about the wrong things that they are doing.

and yet siapa je yang went to them, and help them because they are obviously oblivious to our Islamic teachings? siapa je who reads up about them, and pray that Allah guide them back? siapa je yang listen to their stories, and pray to Allah to keep our iman safe and sound, because we don't even know, what kind of ujian (read: tests), that Allah has given them. have we ever thought about it; that if we were in their shoes, we might have ended up the same way?

we pray Allah won't let us any near those tests and temptations, because iman kita pun entah kuat entah tak. kan?


i dont know if parents back in Malaysia are now thinking more than twice whether to send their kids overseas; what with the news piling up one above the other. seemingly everyone is changing for the worse here. (UK/Eire/US mana-manalah negara overseas).

but the fact of the matter is, all these things happening to these 3 individuals, are happening everywhere, and not just among these students studying overseas, but in Malaysia too. but i guess since it's too widespread back home, where those people changing from modest-budak-kampung to hot-clubbing-chicks are common sights, no one really bothers anymore. to say that there are no gay students, or those turning to prostitution in Malaysia, is a big lie too. the fact that these groups of people are of a large scale, shouldn't be neglected as well.

so why do we have all these commotions with these 3 individuals, whose living far away in the Western world, where Muslims are scarce, and of course the temptations and the culture shock will be bigger. and yet, why are we not that loud in questioning, those abundant youngsters whose going into the dumps on a daily basis in Malaysia; sedangkan they are those who are still under the parents' guidance, living in a so-called Muslim country. why are we not worried about that? is it not a worthy fact that us malaysians should think of? why aren't the news covering about them on a daily basis if it's a big of an issue?

basically the point im trying to make here is, the situation now seems to fit well with the saying that goes; 

Semut di seberang nampak, gajah di depan tak nampak. 
(which basically means; easily seeing the faults in others, and not in oneself)

but in this case, it can be used literally. we are too busy dwelling with the small number of cases far away, that can't even be solved; and yet before this, we don't even really care about these same thing happening back home. tak pernah nak kisah pun, adik kepada sepupu sebelah abang ipar yang pergi dye rambut,   pakai baju ketat, merempit sana-sini. somehow, the fact remains, that we like to gossip a lot. *haih*

i was wondering why the girl became a sudden issue. and some said, "ouh, because she's an icon, and people are shocked from the changes." ah~ i see. so here is my question; 

for a sinful doing, does it need to be an icon, or a famous being, before we can be worried about it. so if it's just that teenage kid in your neighbourhood doing the same thing, then it's not that worrisome? 

is that how it works?

i guess it has become a norm in our society. where for every sinful things that we see, we somehow contemplate them with certain individuals and not the others. for example, we go gossiping around when we see a hot girl in our school who wears short skirts and dyed her hair, wondering if she's praying or not, this and that. and yet, when we watch the Malay dramas, and out came our favourite actress Liza Surinami who also wears revealing clothes and what not, and yet none of the thoughts came to mind. all we did was drooling over how pretty she is, how cool she is, how we wanna be like her in the movie yadda-yadda.

it goes to show that there is something seriously wrong in our judgments. when sinful things are not judged based on the actions, but based on the action-maker instead. that's how Choosy and Picky we are in life. i guess that's why, Allah itu je yang Maha Adil. humans like us? hmm. i dare say Not. 

وَتَمَّتۡ كَلِمَتُ رَبِّكَ صِدۡقً۬ا وَعَدۡلاً۬‌ۚ لَّا مُبَدِّلَ لِكَلِمَـٰتِهِۦ‌ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ

‘Telah sempurna Kalimat-Kalimat Tuhanmu dengan kebenaran dan Keadilan. Tidak ada perubahan-perubahan pada kalimatn-Nya. Ia Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui."

ps: i'd like to state my stand again. you can be jugdmental, for the actions made. but never on the action-maker. a reminder to self, first and foremost. wallahua'lam.

yours truly,
decision made. 
just need to be firmer. 
may Allah Guides. (unrelated)


Jiwa Itu Kosong


the RCSI girls must've been annoyed with my constant mantra these few days. i've said it so many times, with different dialects, different tone of voice, different acts; :P

"jiwa kosong" 
"jiwa kosong" 
"jiwa kosong"

at the back of my mind, i was wondering if uttering these kinds of words meant that something is amiss? mungkin hubungan dengan Dia 'ter'jauh cuti-cuti ni? because we all know it; that if one remembers Him, we will never feel those kinds of feelings; sad, alone, etc.

but come to think of it, just maybe, 'jiwa kosong' is not that bad after all, as it can also be the marker of a new beginning. because that jiwa kosong, will definitely needs a filling.

phase 'jiwa kosong' will be faced by many, specifically those who are like me, a weak hamba Allah whose iman is always going up and down. don't ever assume that 'jiwa kosong' is just felt by those neglected youths, or those addicts, or those people who have strayed too far; those people who seemingly are leading a good life in the human eyes, are also feeling the same thing.

but it is normal.

to feel that way. because once we realize that emptiness inside of us, we will seek for some answers here and there. we will seek for some changes here and there. answers and changes, with the hope that they can fill that empty void of ours.

but it's also a phase where mistakes are made. many out there, mereka rasa 'jiwa kosong' itu, but ended up distracting it rather than fulfilling it. distracting oneself from the void; by having fun, hanging out with friends, laughing at lame jokes, looking for some adrenaline rush, involving oneself in some chenta monyet, looking for that temporary flattering-compliments-crushes love; but distraction will always be just a distraction. it's always temporary. we will forget about that 'jiwa kosong' of ours, but with time, we'd feel it again. unless we understand what we really need, this cycle will just repeat itself over and over and over again.

what we all have to realize is that 'jiwa kosong' itu has to be filled with things related to Him. it may be similar things that i mentioned as 'temporary distractions', but if the niat (read: intention) is right, then insyaAllah it may work wonders in filling that emptiness. 

contoh? we may go out with friends, but instead of wanting to have fun and have some laugh, we aim at reminding one another of Allah in that brief meeting. seeking advices ke, sharing-sharing ke etc. if we decided to watch a movie; we shouldn't watch stupid shows that leave us smiling outside but having loud cengkerik noises inside (read: otak tak fikir apa-apa); instead we watch movies that make us think of Him; closer to Him. doesn't necessarily mean it has to be an islamic movie, even watching 3 Idiots can help us reflect, if we watch it with the right intentions. how about that L word? yes, looking for cinta is okay too, if it is to seek tranquility in His Redha.

and there are a whole bunch of things we can do really, and they all can help treat our 'jiwa kosong'; as long as they abide to these simple rules; 

1. they adhere to Allah's rules
2. with the right niat (read: intentions)

i've been feeling tired too lately. that Jiwa Kosong phase. no pointing fingers though. i know there is something missing inside. and i am praying hard that Allah will fill it in, pada waktu yang terbaik, dengan cara yang paling baik. ameen ameen ya Rabb. 

i love You. 
how many times have we said these 3 words today? 
do we have one for Our Creator?
rasanya tak salah pun kan. 
and im sure He is always saying I love you too. :')

"Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka [jawablah], bahwasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdo’a apabila ia memohon kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi [segala perintah] Ku dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran."
*one of my faves*

unrelated pic, linked

yours truly,
sedang berdoa, semoga Allah Mendengar :)
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