lebih kurang 1 jam lagi. (the time above is for Dublin). then it's officially another Ramadhan for me. but anything can happen within that 1 hour kan? this year, i think Allah has granted me a new feeling. restless. i feel restless, nervous. and at times; you know that sudden feeling you get, macam ade orang pegi cengkam/cabut jantung suddenly, and then badan seram sejuk; yup. that one. thankfully yang tu jarang-jarang. but most of the time, restless. that's what i've been feeling as ramadhan draws closer. i've never felt this way about ramadhan before.
you're just scared. not knowing whether you are among those who will be benefiting from His Rahmat; and one of the biggest rahmat of all; which is to be experiencing Ramadhan. this thought usually crosses my mind whenever someone dies. "aritu rupenye last ramadhan die." i'm not sure why, but this thought keeps popping in my head. almost always. but it's the other way around this time. i was thinking of the so many people somewhere out there that Allah's taken before ramadhan. and to confirm my paranoia, the front page of the news today showed one whose time was up. (and i got that tercabut jantung feeling again this morning.)
i wont be talking about how blessed this month is. everybody knows about it by now, insyaAllah. so many books that we can read, so many talks that we can listen to that explains about Ramadhan. its many names itself described what Ramadhan is: Syahru at-Tarbiyah, syahru al-jihad, syahru al-Quran, syahru al-ibadah and so many more. but again, i was a bit scared. wondering will i be around for this ramadhan. and even if i am, for how long? will it be long enough to help me clear out my sins? astaghfirullah.
but you know what's more scary? if we're one of these:
"...Celaka seseorang yang masuk bulan Ramadhan
tetapi keluar dari bulan Ramadhan tidak diampuni dosanya oleh Allah..."
let's give our all in this holy Month. for it's the time to tame our hawa, to make sure that when the stinky devils come back and meet us in a month they'd be shocked as hell (but they are from hell. okay. lame joke) . give our all to prepare ourselves for the next 11 months ahead, and Allah-willing for the years ahead of us, insyaAllah. for those who wants to make a milestone change, try and aim for it this time around. we might have not been strong enough before, but with all the barakah in Ramadhan that Allah had Promised us, who knows it will make us stronger than ever for all the changes that we want to make. and who's better in keeping promises than Our Creator? ;)
pray much. make du'a. jangan tinggal al-Quran.
it's a truly blessed month coming our way.
can you feel it? :')
Salam Ramadhan al-Mubarak.
reminding others to remind herself. :)