that guy :)

abe's taking his place in front of the imam and uncle Ezani (Abah & Mama's close friend-now-turns-to-be-besan), and the image of abe's practice with me the night before (me being the imam what not) came to mind. but kakak beside me suddenly got teary eyed and couldn't stop herself from crying. i was calming her down when i myself were getting all choked up. and the ceremony has not yet even started!


so here is  a story about my protective abe, i wanted to write this down on the wedding day actually but i only manage to find time 3 weeks later. hadoy.. so here goes :)


1991, 3 beradik just got back home for good, from Brunei to Pasir Mas. The eldest sister, is about 9 years old, the brother is 8 years old, and the youngest one was 2 years old. and all of them reunited with their cousins back at Rumah Che (grandma's house), and established their gang; consisting of cousins with similar age and only 1 year age gaps in between. (which all ended up getting married back-to-back nowadays.hehehe)

but the evening play-time around the kampung would always be interrupted by the older gang  of  Kampung Seberang Pasir Mas (1-2 years age older than them perhaps). them being the longer-established gang of the kampung would always cause the younger kiddos to go back home earlier then what they wished for. ala-ala kene buli la ni. 

and then we have Abah, the over-protective young dad (the over-protective part remains, the young part err not so much.hehe) realized that cucu-cucu Che were being bullied. so on abah's part, im guessing he was afraid things might get out of hands without the parent's supervision; he advices abe on some defense tricks should the bigger kids decided to play rough. "adik, if someone tries to beat you up, hit them at 2 areas. the first is near the rib. if that doesn't work, then aim a kick at the 'place-where-guys-wouldn't-want-to-be-kicked-at', and then run away as fast as you can." *i was already laughing out loud at this part* bear in mind that abah was just trying to teach abe self-defense, not teach abe how to beat others.

so one fateful day, the usual happened. the young kids were playing, then the big guys came, so abe, kakak and the gang retreated back home. and that's when abe realized that one little-chubby-girl was left behind, yup it's me thank you very much. not realizing what was happening, playing all alone not caring  about others around. abe was panicking, his little sister was left behind. and i guess the big kids realized this and wanted to tease the kiddos and they sort of circled around me. (lols, it sounded like the hindustan movies or something only that this  happened to kampung kids aged less than 10 years old; and apparently a little girl who couldn't care less of what's around her. haha)

so abe, despite he himself being scared of the bigger kids,  arched forward. i guess he felt that he's the big brother, and that's his little sister there, and he should be responsible. so he went to the group all alone. because of  his small size, one of the bigger kids sort of snuggle abe up into his arms. you know, gripping around abe's head. so abe tried the first trick, but he couldn't reach the ribs. and yes, like you guessed, he  opt for the 2nd trick and managed to kick the kid's 'place-where-guys-wouldn't-want-to-be-kicked-at', and the big kid ended up flat on his back, groaning with pain; as kakak would describe it. 

by this time, ayah Di, our uncle was at the scene and he asked Abe why did abe do that, and his famous answer was; "abah ajar."  *laughing mode* cute.


i was talking to kakak and abah and mama and realized that this was one character of abe. he may sometimes seems kind of quite, (compared to me and kakak he's quieter la), but in a situation like that, he would act like this. very opposite of what he usually is. there was another similar story like mine, but that happens when he was trying to protect kakak, so we leave it to her to tell the story. basically, abe has always been like that when he was small, and this special side of him remains till this very day. that is what makes him one of those very special guys in my life. love you so much abe!


so now that he's officially a husband, with a new responsibility in hand (we talked so much about this with abah and everybody kan kan?) and many more responsibilities coming your way, i believe that Abe will manage to do just fine. insyaAllah. he has always been the protective son, and the protective brother, and now he will definitely be the protective husband to Kak Izza (fondly called Kak Ita now.heheh). 

to Abe, 
be yourself like you have always been, 
carry on the responsibilities with prayers for Allah's help, 
seek ilmu banyak-banyak because it's the ultimate guidance;
and always know that we love you deeply from our hearts,
and we will always be there for you in whatever that you are going through.
*and we will definitely love you more if you go for prayers at the mosque everyday~*

like i always said, 
i pray that both you and Kak Ita will remain happily together till Jannah.
i pray that ALL of us remain together, till Jannah. 
ameen ameen ya Rabb al-a'lamin.

here are some pictures of the very hectic weeks before ;)

majlis akad nikah at masjid shah alam

wedding reception

and finally it's majlis bertandang a.k.a bwk balik menantu.
hehe.since it's at our house i put some extra pictures cuz i love most of it :)

love the angle + the ice cream corner + us adik beradik minus lin kat mane? + kakak cubit adik die + aimullah looking cool

me and cousin with our scandal photo + abe and kak ita chillin + super cute kids + the smiling groom

tempat ambik gambar + mama and friend + kak ita's arrivals + family photo before the addition :)
 alhamdulillah :)



some things are bothering me. it's hard to categorize whether it's a big thing or not. feels like i've written about this before, tapi mungkin jugak tak. just things yang berlegar di ruang minda. that's why it seems familiar. and if i did write about it once, then may this one be a reminder again. ok dah merapu. *tanda susah hati*

(note: notice the style baru? ade epilogue2 gitu. heheh)

threshold. the dots that you see on graphs normally, like when you are trying to solve the crazily-difficult-IB-Math-HL-in-KMB (yang sekarang dah jadi SD lak.sob2), and you find all sorts of dots here and there, marking the limits of certain things. or when you are learning biology (and medicine) and you come across the threshold value for action potentials what not.


how do i explain it? a limitation that one puts on himself/herself. *kot* dulu, a sister taught us something, when you want to talk to somebody about the limitations in our religion, you have to understand first where their threshold are. example? lets focus on the word baik. some describe one as baik; when a person is talkative, very friendly and makes friends easily, no matter what the gender is. some describe baik when a person is very timid, soft-spoken, talks only when the situation needs her/him to; other examples? hm.. a girl might describe a guy as baik, when he opens the door for her, buy her gifts, and treat her for meals. while others would only say baik when the guy recites Quran beautifully, never missed the jemaah prayers at the mosque etc. 

the different threshold comes from different upbringings, different environment and perhaps different level of knowledge. so here is where my situation comes in. even though the things that are occurring around me are not pointed directly at me, but i realized that i am not sensitive enough to certain things. (we just keep the thing in question as a secret dulu). thus it makes me wonder, what does this situation makes me?

because i couldn't see the wrongs that others are seeing. the only explanation i have is that i have a different threshold. but having a different threshold, what does that makes me? in denial ke? or i dont have enough knowledge? or i dont have enough courage? iman tengah turun ke? astaghfirullah.

what i am scared most is that, am i actually committing sins for not being able to see or even feel what others are seeing or feeling? somehow this question pops out of me when i told my parents; yan ni teruk ke? 


there are things that i aim on changing. things that only i know, is okay. because it's definitely within the knowledge of me and Him. so only Allah knows where my threshold is, and what kind of effort that im putting in. but things get a bit scary when it involves all things physical. because you can see for yourself the different thresholds between different people. and as much as you dont want to judge others, it still does crosses your mind once in a while. when i see this and that person, it makes me wonder is my threshold too low? am i taking Islam easily? because naudzubillah, it's none of my intention. :(


so here i am, having this huge burden on my heart, wondering  is there something wrong with me, or is it just part and parcel of this path that i'm taking to better myself? making changes is one thing. istiqamah is another. huhu. sometimes i just wish that Allah make things easy by turning this heart of mine 180 degree, and i am able to make full and fast changes, giving me the keyakinan like He Did to my heart a few years back. how easy it all seems. to make the decisions. to take the actions. no regrets. just ketenangan. :)

but i guess this is how the world works. this is how Allah wants it to be. the confusion, the temptations, the deep thoughts, the conversations, the sleepless nights are all part and parcel of making changes in life. these are the tests maybe? to see how much we try to understand things, how much effort we put to change for Him.

and in the end, the only soothing thought left in me is, Allah Knows. and Allah is always there to help. :')

....and maybe, just maybe. this little by little pace of changing is okay; cuz it helps us to understand things easier, help us in taking the right actions, and help us with being istiqamah.

'Berkatalah orang-orang yang kafir: "Mengapa Al Qur’an itu tidak diturunkan kepadanya sekali turun saja?"; demikianlah supaya Kami perkuat hatimu dengannya dan Kami membacakannya secara tartil [teratur dan benar].'

yours truly,
threshold yg sgt rendah :(


jahil-yah! (part 3)

and this will be my last one i guess. since basically jahil-yah is a too broad topic. ranging from all sorts of actions that one can do. so it's not satisfying enough for me to share my thoughts on something, while just writing the title as 'jahil-yah'. 

and to a dear friend amalina osman, thank you for having a look at those videos.huhu :) here goes. caution to readers:  the video contains explicit images. and very much unsuitable for pregnant ladies (especially a certain someone who's blood-related to me and 7 months pregnant) ~~

note: video is not related to the post :)


have a lot on my mind, now that im back home in malaysia. there are so many things that kept me thinking and wondering and reflecting; and while suppressing the feeling to hit my own head at times. ~sigh~

but time as usual, is not on my side. with huge family events taking place one after another; i am very much occupied with family time. thus, i could only share my thoughts with them. which is not bad at all. but a tiny part of me feels like it's a waste to not be able to share them with random anonymous people out there. (no matter how lame my thoughts might be). :P

ouh and for now, 2 huge events had passed. along's majlis kesyukuran at aunty's new house went smoothly. :) so happy that aunty is happy. ^^, and kak nini has given birth to a very cute baby girl (tengok kat handphone) which i will be seeing later tonight insyaAllah. heheh. *ok, im guessing nobody cares who got married and who gave birth to whom huh? ampun pak.*


here's my thought for the day.

i realized how easy the mouth is able to say unrighteous things when it is around people.
how easy for it to chirp into conversations that it doesn't even know where the source is from. truth ke tak?
how easy for it to hurt others' feelings.
how easy for it to find faults in others.
how easy for it to talk about others.
how easy for it to blame others.
how easy...

sometimes you're just caught in the situation.
where you realized where the conversation are heading to.
and you're having this war inside of you, a.k.a serba-salah of what you should actually do.
there are the choices of joining the conversation; or be dead silence; or cakap kuat2 astaghfirullahal'azdim.

the last one will definitely be the hardest part aint it? but we are big enough now to know, that He is far more important than what the people around us would think of us. and it might be hard, especially when the ones involves are not your friends or your juniors who you can lightly tegur. but you just have to try your best in doing what is right. it's hard. but it's right.

and what's burdening is that the choice of nak buat ke tak is always ours to make.

"Seorang muslim adalah seseorang yang orang muslim lainnya selamat dari ganguan lisan dan tangannya”"
(Riwayat Bukhari & Muslim)

yours truly,
si lidah yang tak terjaga elok lagi. =,=''
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