jahil-yah (part 2)



most of the time, we already have the answers to many of our questions, back in our head. but we kept asking out load, to listen to others answering them for us. repeating the answers to our face.

like the guy in the video, i already know the answer to a particular question that i hate most. why am i still with the snail-pace? while others are running like tigers?

i guess i am still tightly bounded to all things that are dragging me down. most of them i know of, but only some of them that i have completely gotten rid of. 

alhamdulillah for the big ones that Allah has helped me baling jauh2 dalam pekat malam; but there are still these small ones that are tightly bounding me. habits. i have grown accustomed to. habits that brings me nowhere near Him. habits. small habits. reading useless things. talking about useless things. watching useless things. none that i can bring as my *bentoBox* to my hear-after.

bosan dengan diri sendiri.

tapi Allah tak pernah bosan menunggu.

yours truly,
malu dengan Dia.



checked my facebook just now. and on my homepage popped quite a cool statement from a fellow Facebook friend, which i guess causes quite a stir around the homepage. seeing the boys quoting one another lagi. *had a good laugh for a minute*

but i guess to a certain extent it's true. oh, ape statement tu?

"dont be a man who needs a girl. but be a man a girl needs."

pergh. ayat legend. but truthfully, we have thought of this before kan? or maybe even heard of it once kan? 

**on a  lighter note, im guessing my friends back home would say; ape hal budak2 overseas ni? status kawin je memanjang. but i guess these status are coming from those who opt to not have any relationships that leads to all things lagho. so in my opinion they are eligible to convey their thought about marriage out loud. ye lah. way better than posting pictures of you and your baby-boo what-not in the car heading to whatever cinema around and eating and shopping and all the boring stuff.***

back to my point, somehow this lead me to an explanation from an ustaz in one of the programmes earlier this year. he elaborated a bit about a hadith (which i think many have heard of, but maybe in a different context) which is:

“Antara tanda hari kiamat ialah ilmu semakin sedikit dan kejahilan semakin banyak, zina akan berleluasa, wanita semakin ramai dan lelaki semakin kurang sehingga 50 wanita hanya dilindungi seorang lelaki.” 
(Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim).

the famous ratio. 50:1. wow. and mostly we heard of this hadith in relation to the polygamy what-not. (ok i dont know much about that issue, so we leave it at that). anyway, what interest me was what the ustaz said. he said the ratio doesn't literally means that the amount of men around will be small; on the contrary there may be more if not similar to the number of women around. but the hadith refers to the amount of lelaki beriman that have the capability to be THE PROTECTOR of the women. that, is what's lacking; down to the ratio of 50:1. 

scary ain't it? when men lose sense of being a protector of the family. i thought of Abah. just having him around feels like everything is going to be alright. that everything is safe. the feeling of a kid being tucked in the blanket at night and you know it's okay eventhough it's dark cuz your parents are both there. that's how safe i feel just having Abah around. i guess that's how a man should be. when he's able to provide this sort of feeling to those he is responsible to. and to think that this is lacking in many men out there, gives me the creeps. i wonder how many people actually hate their fathers? or perhaps dont even know them because they were abandoned? belum masuk lagi part abusive fathers etc. 

so legend tak legend statement tu, it's the truth. and it goes the same for girls too. definitely. when men gives a sense of protection to the family, we should give a sense of warmth in the family. that's our responsibility. *teringat mama pulak* :)

and to think that many of us make the mistakes, of worrying bile la nak kene pinang (or dipinang), worrying who our future Mr/Mrs Right will be? target tu target ni. jealous orang tu orang ni. we somehow forget about how much effort we are putting on preparing ourselves, for all the responsibilities that comes with it? 

we may never be perfect. we will never be totally ready. but aim on being the best and as perfect as you can be to make your other half feels lucky, is way better than just sitting around waiting for a Mr/Mrs Right coming to fetch you. 

and wallahua'lam, kot2 tak sempat pun for us to reach that stage of life that we talk so much about; so Love Him first, and then you can consider to love another. Love Him, by doing our best in fulfilling our responsibilities, and love another, with  the Love that He Put in our hearts. always remember, cinta itself is His to Give, so why the rush?


yours truly,
buat post makan diri. =,=''


jahil-yah! (part 1)


just thought of making a creative title for the post. jahiliyyah is what i'll be talking about, but jahil-Yah (mentally kicking the jahiliyyah away) is what i am hoping to be doing. istiqamah insyaAllah.

i decided for it to have many parts, for i just feel that this would be an ongoing topic. my thoughts had been randomly circling about jahiliyyah eversince i hit the exam week. so much things to write. but of course i did not have much time to sit and rearrange my thoughts on the issue; nak cover the abundant facts of pathologies, physio and pharmacologies what-not lagi. hampeh =,=''

and to prove that i have been meaning to share my thoughts about it, i found one short entry in my drafts. i didn't actually remember when exactly i made this one. i didn't even know it existed! it's a short one for a starter. hopefully with my-very-lacking-self talking about this, will help you and i in kicking out the jahiliyyah that we have within us, be it a big, or a small portion of it. insyaAllah.


jahiliyyah; as quoted from wikipedia's:

is an islamic concept of: "ignorance of divine guidance" or "state of ignorance of Guidance from God" and the origin of the word is 'yajhalu' which means "to be ignorant or stupid, to act stupidly". and here is the chronology of what the word meant to me as i grew up, becoming the woman i am today (woman? lols. not yet. just a girl at heart)

1996: jahiliyyah is the pre-Islamic era, before the revelation of al-Quran to our Prophet SAW.  referring to the Arabs who did really bad things like killing their baby girls, treating women like dirt, stealing stuff, drinking wine, the poor were oppressed, the rich were those with bulging tummy having a big hearty "HAHAHA" all the time.

*vaguely, im guessing this definition got stuck with me through the whole life in sekolah rendah.*

2002-2006: manage to widen the scope of my definition. jahilliyah coming from the word, jahil. which means = not knowing, oblivious, tak tahu. thus, my tiny brain relates to the definition i had grown up with. which means the Arabs back then, they didnt know the existance of Allah and Islam, thus this explains the bad things they did. and they are all jahil which makes their era jahiliyyah. voila!

2009: jahiliyyah= anything that doesn't represent Islam. anything. from the smallest things, to the biggest of things. if it's something that doesn't increase your level of iman, then it's jahiliyyah. oouh.

astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.

yes, seems like it goes back to Wikipedia's definition just now. jahiliyyah is something that doesn't bring us any closer to Him. wallahua'lam. but to me, this definition alone, eliminates a whole lot of things in my life. astaghfirullah. to think that there are so many things in my life that drag me away from Him. Forgive me ya Allah. for i am a weak being, who deeply wants to get rid of all things wrong. but i need Your Help. for you are the One who will give me the strength to give it all up.

some may say, bosan ar kau ni. habis sume bende nak jahiliyyah. segale bende nak buang. segale bende tak boleh buat. but that's just the truth. as much as it hurts, accept it if you want to be closer to Him. wallahua'lam.

here's some quote for today:

"aim at perfection in everything, 
though in most things it is unattainable.
However, they who aim at it, will come much nearer to it,
than those whose laziness and despondency 
make them give it up as unattainable."

yours truly,
rase macam hati bengkak banyak bende hampeh *haih*



thanks to a fellow friend who posted this video on facebook. 


so i watched a trail of videos of these American soldiers speaking up. and at the same time watching videos of those who couldn't care less as well. as much as those out there are having misconceptions about us Muslims, we are also having misconceptions about these group of soldiers. however noting the difference, that there are only a small number of not-so-good Muslims who are leading people to be prejudiced about our Deen. Whilst them having only a small number who are brave enough to step up and admit the horrifying things that they had been forced to do in the war; admitting that they are the ones terrorising the people; while the majority of them are enjoying killing innocent civilians out there. yes, enjoying themselves. watch the videos, you can listen to their low-inhumane-stupid-cow-poop-level-conversations of wanting to shoot people. how easy killing is for them.

after watching the videos i cant really concentrate on Marfan's syndrome or any gene therapy. there's this huge burden overwhelming me suddenly. and as much as i hate this part of me, but it's true. the feelings that i'm feeling, most of the time is temporary. because in the end i will forget again, caught up with my own life. wallahua'lam. i can cry myself out, and feel like my heart are going to explode everytime i watch these videos, but that  doesn't help one bit. so while i'm in this temporary mode of wanting to do something, might as well do it now.

so this is my call to you; 
spread these videos.

it's the least we can do along with our prayers to them. (which i doubt most of us would remember. nak doa 5 minit untuk family sendiri pun tak buat, let alone praying for those in Afghanistan, Iraq etc)

if we have the time to spread videos of the 90s vloggers, spreading songs that you are enjoying currently, spreading what korean dramas? koreans songs? spreading some not-that-funny-jokes from Raja Lawak or something, then why can't we have the time to spread these instead? the media is biased most of the time. so while we have this chance to spread it to everyone, unbiased, DO it. people said that the social network is one of those strong factors that lead to Egypt's revolution, so why not apply it to this one too? let others see this truth. Americans or not. Muslims or not. 

we may understand this issue based on what our religion has taught us, but they might understand too based on the common sense that they have within them. so spread these. it's the least we can do. at least for now.


go to Youtube and watch the other links too.

one who wants to be AWAKE 24/7 :'(



i was browsing through some pictures in a web. with malaysia being caught up in the world of capturing-life photography, seeing people in their candid moments; there is an abundance of beautiful pictures that can get you staring at them for hours at times.


remember back when we were in sekolah rendah? maybe at about standard 6. or perhaps the earlier years of high school. form 1 maybe? where you were starting to realize that opposite attracts. where you get this whole 'kirim salam' and 'saya-minat-awak-so-awak-minat-saya-balik-boleh?' phenomenon. 

it's those years where the hormones are there, but not quite enough to last the 'kirim salam' phenomenon, because it was also the time when you hate the opposite sex too. i myself didn't experience this first-hand, as i was in an all-girls school during the first 3 years of highschool. but  from friends' reminisces, it was the time that talking to boys is a crime! funny, but true isn't it?

remember back when during those times in class, when you mistakenly reached for the same paper, and the tip of your fingers brushed with the slightest amount of surface area as possible. what happened then? it's as if there is an electric shock ain't it? wham! tarik tangan faster than a blink of an eye. on one occasion, one of my guy friend was so shocked that he hit both his knees under the table, causing the table to jump. quite a funny  reaction i guess. and then you both will be like; "eh sorry sorry sorry" and embarrassed for the next few days and hoping that he will forget about it soon enough.

beautiful isn't it? how our fitrah works. to a certain extent, at that age, you already KNOW that touching a non-mahram's skin, intentionally, is a sin. but that reflex was definitely not planned right? it comes naturally. it's fitrah.

but what happens when a few years later, nafsu takes over this fitrah. nau'dzubillah. no more reflex. no more trails of sorry-sorry at the end. all gone. and it didn't happened in a day. maybe you were okay with that close groups of friends you're with, then the classmates, then the whole bunch of guys you meet, and boyfriend? no need for any elaboration there. and it's also the time when you start saying things like; 

bukan niat apa-apa pun. or, bukan buat apa-apa pun. 

a very funny quotation i have read somewhere (which i cant remember) is an ustaz replying to this reason normally given by many people out there. "pergi exam hall, lepas tu try tak buat apa-apa. rasenye awak pass tak?" haha. get it? we have manipulated the sentence "tak buat apa-apa" so much. the reason being just to justify that we had done nothing wrong. how much we manipulated the meaning of 'tak buat apa-apa' might be parallel to the amount of fitrah that we have pushed away, filling the empty space left with our nafsu instead. 


and so here is my point for today. it's worrying to see pre-wedding photoshoots nowadays. and even some random portraits of an unmarried couple, just to cherish their 'greatest love of all' in an album. hugging one another from the side, from the back, from all angle for all i care. even those cute piggy-ride backs that makes us go "aww...so cute." and then you realized, "lo,belum kahwin."

it makes me wonder, where does all the sifat malu go? the one we're born with. the one Allah fills up in our heart, body and soul. pre-wedding shoots? wallahua'lam. some were okay. most were not. seeing the pictures, lead me to think, what's left to discover in their marriage?

his favourite food? dah tau. her favourite song? dah tau. what kind of jokes he likes when he is tired? dah tahu. what her hair looks like at home? dah tau. pegang tangan? dah jugak.

the world is in need of hayaa' (malu)
so keep it safe.
cause if we don't, who else will?

“Hayaa does not produce but goodness” 
(Bukhari; Muslim)

"If you feel no shame, then do as you wish” 
(Sahih Bukhari)

astaghfirullah. for those who might have done one sinful thing or another back in the olden days, be happy to know that we have Allah the All Forgiving. promise ourselves not to do it ever again. be thankful that Allah gives you the opportunity to repent, and keep on praying that the sins we had committed are always washed away.

for those who Allah had Kept away from all these, be thankful that He Kept you clean. and pray that He Keeps you that way. kuatkan iman. banyakkan amal.

marriage and wedding is two different things. pre-wedding shoots might be for your wedding. but all the touching and all-things-wrong-done-in-a-relationship will affect your marriage. i dont know much, but i think i read enough to be confident of these matters.

and for all i know;
instead of touching the non-mahrams literally,
touch their hearts instead. with reminders of Allah.


someone yang belum cukup pemalu. :(



it's those time again. when i just have to stop reading for a while and blog. nothing serious. (too serious posts will consume 1-2 hours of my precious time)

anyways. today me and 5 other cool-friends-who-opted-to-take-geology-for-our-electives went for our final exam. while everybody else is cramming for our oncology paper tomorrow morning! (which coincidently have the highest percentage of failing students, purely from my observation of the last batch). the panic was overwhelming. it started yesterday actually, i cant even focus on Disability's paper, hence running out of the exam hall just to get back home. *mintak jauh if it actually jeopardizes that particular paper*

back to my point for today, this cramming sessions for this year's finals, seems to put me in 'that' spot again. where the question of 'betul ke ambik medic ni? boleh ke jadi doctor ni? serious boleh survive ke ni? weh ape nak jadi ni? ade chance tak jadi cikgu tadika? kenapa tak ambik TESL eh? i liked english too. er, kalau tarik diri abah mama bagi balik tak?" etc..etc..

and ends up concluding: "AHH..i hate medicine."

but truth is. 
i love it.
too much maybe.

it's not that i hate medicine, 
because it's a subject that makes it hard for me 
to see As in my result slip.
but i love medicine too much, 
that i hate myself for NOT getting those As.

nevertheless, i am happy enough with all the efforts i made. and i do wish i can give more. till Allah is satisfied enough to give me those As (pleasseeeeeeeee). but most importantly, all i wanna be is a good doctor. because to me, being a doctor is one of those very special professions that can make you constantly hoping that Allah is Guiding you every step of the way. because you have some other people's lives INDIRECTLY in your hands. 


yang nak jadi doctor yg sgt pandai biidznillah, insyaAllah. :)



studying lagi. very tired as the brain has been working over-time for the past weeks. revising, forgetting, hating my own self, then realize Allah Controls all, and the same cycle again pretty much...

anyhow. suddenly rummaged through my *beg-make-up-jadi-tempat-letak-barang-ikut-suke-if-meja-messy* and found this paper. (and i even forget why i rummaged through it in the first place, thank you very much)

cute ain't eit? something so simple can brighten your day. thank you Iman. and this day had been one of the worst. i just realized i misdiagnosed people again in my exam today. ah well, i thank Allah i am not a practising doctor yet, i might have intoxicate people and even kill them! 

and yes people, i have lost a bunch of marks in that paper, but thankfully i am not one who dwells much on the past. [mode in denial. huhuhu. letih la belajar ni. nasib baik ibadat.heheh]

thank you Iman. this has brighten my day a lot. especially on a day that i feel like questioning again why am i not born a genius or something? T____T. exams. me dont likey.

ps: iman kamarul asri oi. double 'f' ok? lols :) *huggss*

pps: been meaning to upload some more pictures of things i want to keep in here. a gift from a friend that is. but haven't had time to do some touch ups on it. > putting it in the list of my post-exam activities insyaAllah.

lagi 4 paper to go. doakan :)
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