thought of diverting my mind away from inflammations, tumours, arthritis, statins, amphotericin B,  and WHO's classification of functioning, disability and health. *hahaha.kasi sume kawan2 cuak bersama2* and yes to non-medics out there, we are cramming these things in our head. 

nak ingat semua? of course we cant. quoting from a friend,
"tak boleh ingat semua. tapi jangan tinggal semua."
finals in 2 days. doakan please? *jazakumullah*

anyways, so i clicked some links of news back in malaysia. watched quite a few of them. with different kinds of emotions la kan?

amused. watching a datuk who's taking oaths for whatever private reason he has, considering Islamic law doesnt work that way. *and the holding Quran terbalik was quite embarrassing, but it may be due to the reason that some Qurans' covers are pretty much the same whichever way you hold it* (husnuzon people)

inspired. watching an ustaz, reminding ever so clearly all the people with verses from the Quran of what exactly the consequences that they are facing with the actions they are taking.

shocked and sympathetic. towards arwah Aminulrasyhid's (am i spelling his name correct?) mom. wow. it has been a year already since his death. His Mom's questions at the end of the interview was relevant; more or less what she said was "kalau jadi kat keluarga mereka, mereka duduk diam ke?"

down. down and down. +scared a bit. watching parents revealing their stories of how their kids are suddenly detained for no apparent reasons, being beaten up by the cops for weeks to months, forced to admit to crimes that they haven't committed.


these are just my mere perspectives of how i see things back in Malaysia. and they might be just assumptions for i know nothing much of what's really happening and media is my only source of input. malaysiakini to be exact. *i think it's the most truthful source out there.sila google sendiri*

at the end of my 'tengok-apa-jadi-kat-malaysia-sikit-sebab-saya-anak-malaysia' session; i am neither proud nor happy of what's becoming of our homeland. the basis of all the problems is pretty obvious; we are not following Allah's Guidelines in whatever that we do. but bringing others back to The Guidelines is not an easy job either. heck, even bringing my own self to The Guidelines is hard. but the effort has to be made. no matter how small it is. not just for you but for others around you too.

because in the end, Allah is the one who Controls all. it's part of Qada' and Qadar. so after watching all of the corruptions and injustice what-not, all i can conclude is; all these happened for reasons. reasons for each individuals involved in them. and reasons for us too who are watching from the sidelines.


we are too old to not give a damn about all these matters and 
continue reading books, and playing facebook, 
uploading pictures posing with 'hearts' and 'peace';
but too young to have much say in what is happening.

thus, in Allah we put our trust.

"…Dan adalah ketetapan Allah itu suatu ketetapan yang pasti berlaku." [Al-Ahzab:38]

"Sesungguhnya Kami menciptakan segala sesuatu menurut ukuran."
[Al-Qamar: 49]

someone with differing emotions but not emotional. :)


jannah :')

ps: turn off the HD button to watch it better. 

maybe it's the sentimental music; but somehow this video brought tears in my eyes as it reminds me of this verse in the Al-Quran. how much do we believe in the existence of Jannah? and how much do we want it? for this is just the sky and the Earth that we are able to see. Allah Promises that his Jannah is so much more than this, and beyond our imagination. Wallahua'lam. :')

"Dan bersegeralah kamu kepada ampunan dari Tuhanmu 
dan kepada syurga yang luasnya seluas langit dan bumi 
yang disediakan untuk orang-orang yang bertakwa "
(Ali Imran:133)

a hopeful a'bid.


that 'leap of faith'

i am envious. i am sad.

envious seeing those who dare to take that leap of faith. and do what we all need to do. the courage, to put away all things aside. and start new. i am envious of them.

and sad. of seeing this very slow pace of mine. sometimes wondering what else am i waiting for. if i could list down the things i wanna do there are so many. yet here i am; still in this snail-pace of mine. what am i waiting for? when all the answers are wide-spread in front of me?

perhaps waiting for that leap of faith?
but it wont come by itself.
it starts from me.

so what are you doing yan?
the thing that's holding you back is just yourself.

to readers,
make doa for me. and everyone out there too.

"I am amazed concerning the Hellfire - 
how does one who could flee from it sleep?
And I am amazed concerning the Jannah - 
how does the one who desires it sleep?
For by Allah! If you neither desire Paradise, nor fear the Hellfire,
then you are destroyed and grievous will be your sorrow, 
interminable your sadness and without limit your tears;
you will be amongst wretched, the punished ones.
So if you claim that you are amongst those who seek refuge from the Fire and desire Paradise,
then strive for that which you seek and 
do not be misled by your worldly desires."
-quoted: a pious slave-

someone who doesnt want to be just a 'claimer'.


a simple reminder

this post is a deep reflection i had today with Mukhlisin. it's something that we have always spoken of, but we forget most of the time. like we always did. dont be too quick to judge. let's go through it together. as much as i have been affected by it today, i want others out there to feel the same way too. may Allah Guide us to be better and closer to Him. 

bear with me; for this is a simple reminder for myself, and you too. insyaAllah.

tomorrow is Friday. if you knew that tomorrow is Qiamat. what would you do?

solat banyak-banyak.
minta doa Allah ampunkan semua dosa kita.
tell everybody around you as many as you can, that it's the last day.
minta maaf dengan semua orang.
try and be with your loved ones.
settlekan hutang.
etc. etc. etc.

so basically these are the things that we will do. these are our priorities. no one can deny it. i bet everyone who got this question will have the same kind of answers. you may have some additions here and there. right?  try answering it seriously and truthfully. 

but here is another question. where are all the things that we normally do go? and some of them are things that we called priorities too. betul tak?

nak baca buku.
nak makan.
nak beli barang keperluan.
nak attend tutorials. nak tulis status facebook. nak tulis blog.
nak travel. nak attend tournament. nak hangout at the new restaurant in town dengan kawan.

have any of those things we do, included in the answers we had for the first question?

"no. because if esok Qiamat, takkan la nak study?"

so. studies are not our priorities anymore like we have always said so. and so are all the other things. if so, then why are we doing it in the first place? if we know and yakin that Qiamat can come anytime. Forget Qiamat; lets take another example of Qiamat kecil which is death. we know that it can happen anytime; maybe next week, or tomorrow, or in 5 hours time,or in 30 minutes,or in 5 minutes...so why are we doing all these things that we dont even consider as our priorities? why are we not putting those first answers as our priorities? why are we not praying hard? why are we not asking for forgiveness?

"err..so maksud die tak payah study? kene solat taubat sampai bengkak kaki?"

no. think deeply. the point here is not about labelling things that you should and shouldn't  do. but the main question here is why are we considering all those things as not our priorities instead? why are we doing them, if we dont even want to do them if we know death is approaching? what makes it any different?

the point im trying to make here is, our niat. we have to understand that death is always approaching us. everyday it is taking a step closer towards us. some are 5 years away. some are 2 days away. some are seconds away. thus, every single thing that we do everyday, should always be a priority for us. what makes it a priority? when we know that if we die doing any of it, we wont have any regret doing it. because we know that we are doing it for the sake of bringing it with us to akhirat. those, are what priorities are all about.

and it's what Islam taught us to do. to always do things, with akhirat in mind. remember the hadith?

Hazrat Ibne Umar (Radiyallahi~A nhu) says: "I was one among ten people who came into the presence of Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). One Ansari stood up and asked Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam):
"Who is the most intelligent 
and careful person?" 
Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied: 
"Those people who remember death most and prepare for it most. These are people who have excelled in the nobility of this world and the honour of the hereafter."
 [Tabraani, Jaamious Sagheer, Ibne Maajah, Targheeb]

the things we do everyday; every single one of them, from the moment you opened your eye, till the moment you closed them back again, should have always been ones that are your priorities. the things that you should never have regretted should you die doing it.

of course it all goes back to your niat. how well are we able to relate the things that we do,  solely to seek His Pleasure. solely to seek His Redha. if we are able to do so, then insyaAllah, Jannah is the prize that is waiting.

so why wait for signs of Qiamat? why wait for signs of death? when you know that it can happen in a blink of an eye? priorities should be renewed everyday. our priorities should always be to fulfil the point of our creation.

to be an abid. to be a khalifah.

we all know this already. we just need to be reminded. like Quran has always been One to remind us. over and over and over again.

"Maha suci Allah yang telah menurunkan Al-Furqaan (Al-Qur’an) kepada hambaNya, agar dia menjadi pemberi peringatan kepada seluruh alam"


yours truly,
one who wishes to remind others as much as she is being reminded by others.



ade orang suruh buat tumblr. tapi saya dah ada blog. :)
so here goes. a new section in this hidey-hole of mine; random quotations a.k.a short and simple. and here is one for tonight.

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly just because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian."

reflection: and how good of a person are we, to even expect such things?  and yet we dare to sit still in this race towards Him, while everyone else is running. sigh~

yours truly,
yang ingin berlari.



org kata: rumahku syurgaku.
i'd say; bilikku syurgaku. 

(reaction: awkward silence....*some cengkerik*)

and the best part of all my rooms here in Ireland, is the view.
for almost 2 years, my room has always been one facing the sunrise. *link1*
but for the next year (and coming years i hope),
i'll be watching sunsets instead.

no matter how much we try to capture the beautiful sights,
nothing can be compared to the real views we can actually see.
and to be able to see how beautiful Allah's creations are,
one can only imagine how the Creator is.

and the fact of the matter is, He Gives us the chance.
with a condition that we do everything we can first, now;
for that chance to See Him, later. :')

and we will work hard for that chance.
won't we?
we all will.

yours truly,
someone who likes coordinating colours for her room :)


true story:

si kecil: weh, aku da settlekan duit riba tu. da masuk semua interest dalam PPIMI punye account.

me: eh.dah eh? 

si kecil: yang lawaknye ak ingat amount die &*(&. lepas send tu tengok2 tak ckup 1 sen.

me: *gelak* tak cek dulu?

si kecil: aku duk pikir. kalau ni duit biasa, mesti tak kisah. tapi sebab tau benda tu riba, ak pun transfer la 1 sen tu.. maluuuuunye~~~ budak2 PPI tgk ade 1 sen masuk.

me: takpe. bukan orang tau pun sape yg send.

the end. :)

alhamdulillah. for making us this sensitive towards these kind of things. and here i am, just wishing and praying, that You will make all of us sensitive, to all sinful acts that exist in this world; from the biggest, to the smallest ones. ameen ameen ya Rabb.

and while we pray for Him to make us more sensitive, we still need to constantly remove all the sins we had committed before, insyaAllah. and here is one tip from Rasulullah S.A.W:

“Solat lima waktu, solat jumaat hingga jumaat berikutnya dan ramadhan hingga ramadhan berikutnya menjadi penebus dosa-dosa (kecil yang berlaku) di sela-sela waktu tersebut selama dijauhi dosa-dosa besar”. 
(Riwayat Imam Ahmad, Muslim dan Tarmizi dari Abi Hurairah r.a.)

yours truly,
a girl who wants to be a sensitive repenter.


solat jemaah

best woo. cool aarr. followed by a good hearty laugh. that's usually the thing that we usually get when we stumble kan diri with these kinds of videos. they're funny. they're witty. they're enjoyable. but the best part would always be, when they are able to bring a message of islam inside it.

so to mr anwar hadi: cey mcm kenal. thumbs up! :) 

comparing solat  jemaah 27X with big apple 27 bijik is so applicable. *teguran utk diri sendiri*

there are so many things out there that we can do, while enjoying ourselves with them; that can bring us back closer to Him. so think hard, and make the best out of it.



this is how i love them

starting the day with a blog post today :) i realized i am starting to become one of those who have to FIND time to call their loved ones. so wrong~~

last night i finally managed to call abah mama again. *come to think of it, i think it's just a  2 day gap kot* talked to dad about lotss of things on my mind. the latest news like results what not. hehe. yes, abah & mama are usually the first ones that i'd tell all my results to. since  i was 6 years old i think, when i got home from the kindergarten in front of the house, and was frustrated cuz this boy Ramli, *im amazed too that i can still remember that kid's name* got number 1 instead. i guess my passion to  do my best all those years back is due to the fact i want to be able to tell them i got this and that.

remembered one of the best day of my life was when i was able to tell the whole world (err.more precisely the whole dewan je la kot) in my speech how thankful i am to them and how much i love them. making our parents & family proud  i believe is in everybody's head right?

but alhamdulillah too, as i grew up some significant events took place, teaching me that there's more to just pleasing our loved ones. we have the Ultimate Lover too who we all have to please. and life got harder of course, and i guess the concept of tawakkal plays a major role now in my life compared to my life back then when i was 17 . i guess He is the Best Planner. i was on top of my world back then. He Made everything so easy. i got what i wanted all the time. but i guess He humbles me back as i grew up, something that i totally need. alhamdulillah for that.

but then, eventhough most of the time i would look back and be thankful for the life i had, there ARE times when i just wish i am able to make my parents proud like the way i used to. *well at least i think i did*. to be able to show them that i had literally done or achieve something. but the more i tried, the harder it became. ~sigh~

but in the end these are all in His Plans. at least i think for now, my priorities are right. if i work hard just to please them literally as a proof to how much i love them, then whose gonna work hard to become a solehah daughter, because we all know that the prayers coming from anak soleh/solehah will surely be granted by Him.  

and what better proof to show them how much we love them, than our sincere prayers? so i think it all goes back to Him.

ouh. and after talking to them lastnight and i was about to go to dreamland, i got a text message from abah that made me cry to sleep. :')  (no editing at all)

"La tahzan. Allah sayangkan yan.
Kalau Dia buat everything easy untuk yan
nanti yan kurang ingat Dia.
Talk to Him ok.
I'll slow talk to Him too. Luv you"

cant help but smile at this part:
ill slow talk to Him too.

ya Allah,
please Grant them Your Jannah
please Grant them Your Jannah
please Grant them Your Jannah.
and let me be with them too.

yours truly,
someone who's trying hard to be a good abid and a good daughter.


here. there. wherever. whatever.

written on: 2nd of april 2011

attended the other thing, cuz i cudnt attend the
thing that i wanted to.

and here's what i felt. *in malay + english. it's hard 
to explain just in one language. 
im not a good poet nor a good penyajak. 
apologies beforehand*

im standing here.
im here, and they are there.
but despite being here, 
i still look both ways. always have. and always will.

when i look there;

melihat kerenah orang.
mendengar cemuhan orang.
memikirkan apa yang difikirkan orang.

what did they see?
what did they hear?
what did they do to them?

that makes them so angry.
that makes them so annoyed.
that makes them so irritated.

because i kept hearing the same thing.
being repeated. over. over. and over again.

am i the only one who cant see what they saw? 
am i the only one who cant hear what they heard?

selfish. ego. angkuh. sombong. superior. fanatik.
those words were being repeated over and over again. 
judge on your own, which category will these words fall into.
encouraging words? or the other?

and then i look here,

no words were uttered;
not a word to deny the things being said. 
not a word to even defend themselves;
let alone to say those hatred words back.

but wallahua'lam.

when i think back;
i still dont see the things that they are seeing.
i still dont hear the things that they are hearing.

i see no selfishness. i see no fakeness.
i see no angkuh, sombong, ego, superiority etc.
all i see is everyone pushing everyone else forward.

i feel no hatred.
i feel no dendam.
i have no judgements.

i like what im doing. i like what they are doing too.
we're here. and they are there.
and i know the aim is all the same,
to gain his Redha, and His Love.

so why the hatred? why the anger?
but i guess im not that knowledgeable enough
to have much say in this.
thus, silence is the best remedy.


a tinyyy part of my heart cant help it.
to feel a bit sad when people are angry for reasons i cant even see. 

yours truly,
coretan hati yang mungkin orang faham, 
mungkin orang tak faham, tapi Dia konfem faham.
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