okay. truthfully i dont even know what the title post meant. =,='' and this is quite a pointless post. ^^,

so tomorrow i have another exam. and as usual, in the midst of studying i have this overwhelming urge to post something. so here goes;

im pretty much lazy lately, so i made soup most of the time.
and here's when i was hungry, so i took the already-cooked-soup,
rebus spaghetti and masuk kicap.
*and i know this picture doesnt look particularly delicious. to the point of eww.
but i was already eating it when i took it.hee* 

 thank you to iman & add.
for talking about mugcakes in their tweets and blogs. 
abis craving tak pasal2 :)

and here goes me digging into it.
5 minutes chocolate-mug-cake. 
my new comfort food.hehe 

told you im into soup ;) and brown-bread.
and im a nescafee-junkie. i drink it almost everyday.
to the point of having no effect by it whatsoever.
i know it's not good , but i'm just not that into Milo.

oatmeal + some chocolate rice
tried another mug-cake today in  5minutes.
didnt have any cocoa powder. but i had some instant oatmeals that i cant eat cuz it tastes bad.
so now that i'm able to turn it into a yummy mug-cake im so happy :) 
tiada pembaziran anymore. (padan muka syaitan.woot2)

ouh. did i tell you im on diet?lol~

do pray for me and friends. semoga dipermudahkan. 
happy studying everyone!

spring camp :)

click play please :)
(ouh.and sorry cuz you have to turn off my blog's background song first)

just thought of promoting it in here. despite the hectic exams, the moving out, the presentation, masalah hati; i have a programme im looking forward to. will be meeting sisters that care more about me than their own selves. funnily, we grew up thinking that everybody in this world has their own agenda. that if they do good deeds then they want something in return. but we know now it's not it. well, at least for those who did it for Allah.

as for today's reflection: just work hard on helping others. sometimes things don't work out, even the exact opposite of what you planned. but at least on The Day He'll be Asking you about your actions, you'll be able to say; i tried. 

Allah Maha Mengetahui.
somehow knowing this makes it all okay.

yours truly,
one who is very much thankful for how things turns out.


test tapi bukan exam

it's amazing how Allah test us sometimes. things that we never thought of. the things that we were prepared for did not happened. the things unplanned did happened. someone said before, "niat tak menghalalkan cara." true. but do they know all the 'cara' we had thought of and worked on behind their backs? No. only Allah Knows. but if I were to convince others, than there's no end point to it. i should be convincing Him, and only Him instead. enough to know that i tried everything i could. that things happened for a reason. and what's best, Allah Maha Adil, Maha Mengetahui. we can plan all sorts of things, but Allah is always the Best Planner still. and He Planned for us to learn something, for us to be better. no matter how ugly the situations might be. 

this made me smile somehow. how lucky we Muslims are. we could be smiling in the worst situation. because we know the situations themselves came from Allah, and He would never Leave us terkontang-kanting. we believe in Qada' & Qadar. we believe in usaha & tawakkal. it doesnt apply only in exams kan? it applies in every aspect of our lives.

and the ultimate best part is;
all things belongs to Allah. 
and we just have to raise our hands and ask of Him.
He has always been there for us. what more are we asking for?

oh. forgiveness.
from others and Him.

yours truly,
the one who have no regrets.



by *RunsWithTigers

it's 2.00am. i should sleep. =,=''


this is what exam does to me =,=''

by *bry5 of deviantart

you know those times when you feel like you wanna get married and settle down and follow what your husband asks you to; and be a good housewife; and take care of a cute baby girl (or maybe twins boy and girl); and kemas rumah cantik-cantik; and masak-masak nasi kerabu; and then hubby balik makan and he smiled cakap "sedapnye"; and then you listen to him reading the Quran so beautifully; while the baby is fast asleep; and then it's your turn to read the Quran (beautifully jugak); and the hubby falls asleep too....

and then. you realized.

that you're just a medical student. in front of you is a huge amount of lecture notes, with less than 24hours before your mid-term exams.


patutla otak merapu. siap tulis dalam blog lagi. =,=''

ps: lately syaitoon is playing around with my dreams too. kept bringing this one *** for no particular reason. or maybe bukan syaitan? (ok.kene slap in the face sikit) back to exam!

pps: alang-alang we're in this topic, might as well put a useful reminder of one of His Promises. (",)

“Perempuan yang jahat untuk lelaki yang jahat dan lelaki yang jahat untuk perempuan yang jahat, perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik dan lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik.” (an-Nur':26)

let's try our best to be the highlighted ones yop?

yours truly,
yang tak sedar diri baru 2nd year medicine.


bumi yang takut

it shakes. countless time. leading to destructions. leading to deaths. 

click earthquake and you'd see numerous videos showing how destructive it is. the current one being in Japan obviously. but below the videos you'd see comments by people from all around the world. and one that attracted me was one of those coming from the non-believers; the atheist. somehow these natural disasters made their stand stronger. that if God truly exist, then He could have stopped the whole destruction. He could've save the countless lives.

but us Muslims. we know better kan?

that it's all coming from our own wrong-doings.
that the Bumi is ashamed of us walking on it.
that it is a reminder for us Muslims; 
that we are to be blamed.

i stumbled upon this post yesterday. wallahua'lam, it's new knowledge for me too. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. knowing now that our Mother Earth wont dare shake should the right people be on it. knowing now that it shakes for specific sinful acts. now, we have grown accustomed to all sorts of wrong-doings. too much sins that we take too lightly. but when we take it seriously, then we would normally hear this: 

"hek eleh itu pun nk menggelabah"

i guess we can blame the surroundings. we are the people of akhir zaman. where those who work hard to fulfil our responsibilities as true believers, are made fun of; seen as freaks; seen as extremist; whereas that is all we should be doing, what our life is all about. but i guess those are just small tests, compared to what our beloved Prophet had to face.

maybe the question is, are we that satisfied with what we have done and what we are doing now, that if we were to die tomorrow, we will be at the better place? wallahua'lam. 

yours truly,
one who frequently have nightmares of tsunamis. *sigh*



by ~A-DD of deviantart

mood: ramblings + muhasabah

pap! pap! pap!

i guess that will be the sound made if i was literally being slapped. 

'kene tampar' or 'atas muka'. those are the words usually used to describe when one is being tested by Him. Especially regarding things that we really are worried of. heard it from many sisters and even from my own experiences too, that Allah usually test whatever the things that we thought of, the things that we say about. 

and lately, i've been experiencing too much slapping.

on the brighter side, i've been told that Allah is cleansing us from all the sifat that we hate. kedekut? pemalas? tak sabar? you name it. once the hardships passed, then insyaAllah we are clean from all those things that we dont want to be associated with. maybe not for long, for it is a continuous process. not an easy one too if i may add. but with more and more cleansing, then perhaps insyaAllah there will come a day when no further cleansing is needed. God Willing the time comes before our deaths.

but on the darker side, it is a tiring process. feeling the feelings that you dont want. knowing that it's not good for you, but you dont know how to stop it either. the feelings of malas, confused, kecewa, terasa hati, berat hati, pressure and all sorts are still there. and then you look for things to avoid those feelings but they will all come back to you time and time again. and every time you have to fight it off. tiring. and what makes it worse, is that when it involves others. not just your heart. 

sometimes i do wonder, is it just girls? you know being the more emotional creature, thus even the slightest smallest things seems bigger. but in the end i think being the ever not caring guys doesn't help either. guys called it ego. but i call it self-centred. and knowing Muslims are not meant to be self centred, shows that ego/pride should only be kept for things that Islam taught us to. 

ok. truthfully i dont even know what im writing about. it's just things in my head that i want to reflect on. as of my situation now, only God Knows how confused i am. but all i can do now is to renew my intentions. the things i do should be for Him and because of Him. sometimes we just have to sacrifice a lot, and sometimes we might seem evil and self-centred. but i know i had tried my best all along to change the situations. but i guess things can never resolve if it only comes from one side. so this is my only solution that i could think of. for all i know, i am truly sorry for the decisions made, for the things done, for the words unspoken. but my prayers has always been for the best for all of us. 

one thing that im pretty sure of is, (and selfish i might be) but all i want is to be closer to Him. and i guess that is one of those things that we can be selfish of? thus, i pray that all our actions are not because of you or me, but because of Him. ;'(

ps: last night, opened the book 'Diseases of the Heart' by Ibnu Taymiyyah. (a gift from a sister.jzkk) i only read his biodata lastnight, and it was enough to prove how hampeh i am. worrying and being sad about what im facing. while, he was one who saw Hereafter in everything that he do, and everything that he faces.

Quoting his words:

"If they kill me, it will be martyrdom for me.
If they expel me it will be migration for me;
if they expel me to Cyprus, I will call its people to Allah so that they answer me.
If they imprison me, it will be a place of worship for me."

subhanallah. a scholar who has only Allah in his mind. one thing i learnt from this quote, is that every hardship that we face, the answer to all of them, ALL of them, is to go back to Him. so i guess being tired is okay, the sadness is okay, the guilt is okay, for they may taught you and me to be patient along the way. and wallahu'alam patience is a virtue loved by Him. kan?

and my only hope for now is, we are all doing things right. and tawakkal is all that is left. 

yours truly,
a girl who is hoping for a better future. for everyone.


it's not about good or bad

picture by *Ann-NL from deviantart

there's been quite a few things i planned on writing in here, but haven't had the time to do so. but i will share all of it gradually, insyaAllah. :) that is if i remember. =,=''

today i'll be picking on a topic that is quite sensitive to many. we can get quite a few impressions at the very mention of this word. wallahua'lam, i grew up not putting much thought in it *being one who goes with the flow most of the time. not much of a rebel at heart* and now that im finally in it, and still am trying to understand it, i realized not many people would go with the flow; but more commonly, avoiding it; and for some small numbers; hating it.

im not saying it's wrong for anyone out there to feel those kinds of feelings. cuz one thing for certain, everybody has the freedom to feel whatever they wanna feel, to say whatever they wanna say about anything for that matter. but all i want to clarify today is that:

you can never really love nor hate anything that you dont know of.
and the only way for you to know about it, is to be in it.

logic kan? so what is the word that im talking about? that brings all sorts of facial expressions to different kinds of people? some smiled, some gets excited, some expressionless, some shrugged, some rolled their eyes, some cringed and more lah. it's none other than;


there are so many impressions out there about usrah, but i wont dwell into details about every single one of them. but one thing that i thought of sharing is a statement that i've heard of so many times. maybe not specifically, but more or less this is what it means:

"walaupun saya taknak join usrah, saya bukannya jahat."
translation: "eventhough im not joining usrah, it doesn't mean im a bad person."

trust me. i used to think of this too. but that was BEFORE i knew what it's all about. truth is, i think everyone should fix this wrong understanding of what usrah is.

it's not about good.
it's not about bad.
it's about trying to be better. 

this perceptions are what i think should be corrected most. joining usrah doesn't make you a good person, and not joining doesnt make you a bad person either; and vice versa. who are we to decide whose good or bad? wallahua'lam, i think these perceptions doesn't come from those involved in usrah, but from those outside of it. and even if it comes from those already in usrah, i'd say he/she still has a long way to go in understanding what usrah is all about. heck even i dont know if i am. =,=''

it helps you to be better

"eleh. ade je orang join usrah tapi tengok korea cam hapee..."
"join usrah tapi tergedik-gedik je kat budak laki."

true. not many end up being better. some got worse.  thus i am not saying it will definitely help you be better. no. because it all depends on that seketul daging in your chest; your heart. it depends on your intentions too. but instead of watching the bad examples coming from usrah, why not look at the many different good examples that we all cant deny?

the guy who used to smoke, stopped smoking.
the girl who used to wear short skirts, started wearing hijab.
the guy who was extremely addicted to Dota, started reciting Quran most of his freetime.
the girl who needs her daily dose of Korean drama, ends up not caring about it at all.

you just cant deny the changes that are happening in them. the small changes that i bet everyone of us want for ourselves so much too. we wonder, where did their strength to change came from? where did their motivation came from? no, not from usrah. but from Allah. How? through the never ending reminders about Allah, IN usrah. 

usrah, to me;
is not just weekly meetings of 2 hours. is not just a place to study a religious book, because i cant find time to read on my own. is not just a place for me to feel that, im not that bad, because i attend it every other week.

no. but usrah, to me;
is a place that brings me back to reality. the reality that we all are dying; that we are heading towards Him; that we will be questioned with every single thing we did, every single thing we have; the reality that life on Earth is just a 5 minute stop, wallahua'lam maybe less than that; compared to the life that we will be having later on; the reality that what i want most is His Redha, His Jannah, His Love; that what i want most is to know what He hates most, and what He Loves most, and trying my best to do just that.

usrah is a place where constant reminders that i need are given; wallahua'lam i dont know what ill be without it. 

i told my adik-adik once; i used to attend usrah just because all other people are attending it. the 'go-with-the-flow' attitude. then it changed into, 'kesian-kakak-usrah-asyik-masak-food-best' attitude. then it changed into something that i like to go to, because it helps me understand my Deen. and now it's something that i need so much. these changes of heart, didn't happen in a day. it takes time. it's just up to us, have we given a chance to usrah in the first place? because if we dont even give a chance, how can the changes even take place?

some said, you can be better without usrah. true. you can. hidayah is His to begin with. but this is my effort, in trying to be close to My Creator. and i know i cant depend on myself if i want to be better.

truth is, it's not the kakak-kakak or abang-abang that wants you in usrah, it's us that needs usrah the most. and they are just trying to give us the chance. and so i guess it's all up to us to answer this question:

can you try and be better on your own? 
i know i cant.


"Kalau kamu dan sesiapa sahaja di atas muka bumi ini seluruhnya ingkar, maka hal yang demikian itu tidaklah merugikan Allah, sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Kaya lagi Maha Terpuji.” 

[14: 8]


my new baby :)

Mr Teddy gets a new friend.
Mr Olly

*all unedited pictures. testing power*

*just getting excited in front of the mirror* 
normal la kan.

and quoting from a khutbah.

"Wahai para pemilik harta ! Ingatlah bahwa Allah akan bertanya kepada anda tentang seluruh harta yang anda miliki, besar maupun kecil, dalam suasana yang maha dahsyat, di mana setiap ibu yang tengah menyusui lalai terhadap anak yang disusuinya dan setiap wanita yang hamil mengalami keguguran. Karena kelak pada hari kiamat, manusia tidak akan beranjak dari tempatnya sebelum ia ditanya tentang empat hal. Antara lain ia akan ditanya tentang hartanya

Dari mana ia memperolehnya ? 
Dimana ia membelanjakannya ? 

Sebagaimana yang disabdakan oleh Nabi Shallallahu ‘Alihi Wasallam yang diriwayatkan secara shahih oleh At-Tirmidzi dari jalur Abu Barzah Radiyallahu ‘Anhu. 

=,='' reminders. reminders. 
see how important they are?
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