Allah is Cantik.

that's why, everything natural is cantik. that's why, it's okay for us to try and be cantik (following the right rules and regulations, of course) that's why, we are always attracted to anything cantik.

when it's naturally cantik, even the most typical-and-not-DSLR-type camera can capture it.

when our HATI is truly cantik deep inside, it shows inside-out, that even everybody around will be able to see it.

ya Allah, i wish i have that kind of heart.
a cantik one. 

one that can make my family feels it.
one that can make everybody around me feels it.
one that can chase anything mazmumah away.
one that can make everyone around me calm.
most importantly, one that You like most.

ya Allah, kurniakanlah aku hati yang cantik.
secantik alam ciptaan-Mu.
ameen. ameen. ya Rabb.  (",)

inallah jamil, wa yuhibbu jamal
"Sesungguhnya Allah itu cantik,
dan sukakan kecantikan."

 pictures captured in Glandelough, Dublin.
during PUISI 2010
using a small 10megapixel camera.hehe


snow: a reminder?

the heavy snow all across europe. it's been a major topic lately, *er, since i've just finished exam, and i'm not much of a person who updates herself with the local or international news, thus my alibi in the statement would be through the never ending stream of facebook status about snow*

some is enjoying it.
some is appreciating the beauty.
some is worried hell. 
some is worried of others.
some, sadly, even curse and hates it.

all for different reasons.

i won't talk much about those who curses and hates it, for i think they already know cursing it doesn't make the situation any better, nor put them in any better place in His Eyes. nor those who hates it and despises it publicly. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. we used to be so amazed and happy when we first encounter it last year ain't it? but it seems like we have forgotten now from Whom all the flakes came from. Allah SWT. be it beautifully, be it heavily. it all comes from Him. and so, who are we to hate His Creation in the first place? 

how bad it may seem, it's not the situation that we should be reflecting on, but ourselves. 

and as we are worrying about our flights or our friends' flights, our journeys, our money, our plans; well, DO think about how to face all that, but do think MORE about what He's planning for us.

is He trying to make us more sabar? is He just putting us in dire need and a helpless situation, so that we'll be praying to Him constantly, to make everything okay for us; instead of happily boarding the plane, focusing on just having the time of our lives with our vacations, and forgetting Him? 

tickets not refunded? are we really losing money, or is it just Him saving us from a whole worse situation? we might have lost triple the amount if we went to... let say, France, due to pick-pockets. why? just because He Heard our prayers the other day, "ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku."

buying new tickets? why blame the snow? it might be that the money lost is to compensate all the amanah that we have neglected in our studies. all the time we spent doing the not-so-right stuff, but using our scholarships instead. 

there are so many reasons. some we can think of, but most are those that we can't even comprehend and we don't realize. we kept on focusing on the downturn of lives, that we kept forgetting how detailed Allah plans are, to Help us. 

watching all those worried status about their own up-coming journeys, or friends' journeys and so on, makes me realize how big of a rahmat these all are. that Allah is giving a huge chance for everybody, to start off their journey with pergantungan kepada Allah. to start off their journey with tawakkal. to start off their journey with so many prayers. think back. how many times did u say, "ya Allah"? did you perform solat sunat hajat before the journey? have your friends soothes you by praying for you all the while? 

so much rahmat. so much blessings. it's just us being too blind to see clearly. we have always been one to watch the surfaces, it's time to dig deeper before we type words like "si*l, b****h" and any of those curses to Allah's creations. 

because each and every one of our words is taken into account. and who ARE we to say all those stuff? we're all just part of the creations. only better, depending on our actions though.


to friends, have a great holiday. may this winter holiday be one that helps us with our 
IMAN & TAQWA towards Him.

happy snowy holiday everyone!
the one who loves snow unconditionally.



despite the never ending studying, the never-enough-sleep, the over-consumption of caffein, the agony of realizing the 3 chapters you read had only 1 question in the paper; there are still a lot of things that i love about exams. :)

here's my semester 1 exam for the second year. will miss it much! :)

we got to pray in the middle of the whole crowd.
*they must've think we were really scared of exams sampai 'sembah' exam hall* lol

the exam clock

 the crowds before the exam starts

studying studying

 err..last minute studying?

think it was my first paper 

and exams are where friends get together
supporting one another
and building a stronger ukhwah fillah

and a whole lot more gained.
praying the past exams for us had been nothing more than help us strengthen our


life is FAKE.

picture by sha-x-Dow from deviantart

caution: today's entry will be filled with created terms that might not be comprehended, or lead to misinterpretations. it's just me looking at life from my point of view. i apologize beforehand. wallahua'lam.

you're a fake.
life is fake. 
living life is a fake.

stop lying and pretending, and think deep. it's fake isn't it? all is bound to end isn't it?

you get married. you can be happy and blissful. but it'll end. be it with divorce. be it with death. you go to parties, have fun like hell, and you went back home, all alone in your room. you eat out with friends, chatted happily, and it eventually ends. you spend 2 years with a great group of friends, promising one another we'll be there for one another no matter what. 15 years later, are you still there for them? 

life is fake. it's full of beautiful promises made by us, 
only to be unkept. 

you can study so hard and get a PhD, and then you go teach somewhere and become a world-known doctor or something, but you'll still end up dying. then what's the happiness all about? 10 years of happiness maximum, and that's it? you just end up dying.

there's two types of fakeness. haram fakeness. halal fakeness.

having a relationship. that's haram fakeness. you think you're happy. having the other half. crying on their shoulders. them buying you presents. dating. taking cool DSLR pictures of one another and people will go "awww...you both are so sweet la.." but it'll end sooner or later. you broke up. "no worries, i cherish all the memories of the 2 weeks / 5 months / 7 years together." riiiight...

but sometimes you end up with marriage. alhamdulillah. the halal fakeness. but still fake? why? go back to paragraph one. you're happy what not, but it's bound to end. with death ultimately.

so that's it? life is fake?

Here? yes. it's fake. 
There? a big No. 
(note: im referring to akhirat; for those who might have been a tiiiny bit confused with my ramblings today) 

there. the HereAfter. that's the real one. the real life. cuz it won't end. and living just for the sake of the Real Life, will help us with the fakeness of this life that we're currently living in.


because everything we do Here, will decide how our Real Life should be and will be later on.

let's use back our examples. getting married? just for the happiness and bliss? that's fake. but getting married to be thankful for the happiness and bliss given from Allah. that's Real. to help your other half in being a good abid (hamba) to Allah?  that's real. to have zuriat which will continue to be abid of Allah? that's real.

when the reasons are right, the life becomes real.

studying? just for a roll of paper stating - Masters? PhD? "i feel the sense of fulfillment when i gain knowledge." riiight...well, that's fake. but seeking ilmu because it makes us realize how small we are? that's real. seeking ilmu to help us truly feel how great Allah's creations are? that's real. seeking ilmu because every single effort and steps we take help us remember Allah? that's real. seeking ilmu to share with others for the benefit of everyone, because Allah said so? that's real.

again, when the reasons are right, the life becomes real.

so let's stop being a fake shall we? and start to live life real. for the Real Life after this one. note: i dont know why the words "fake" kept creeping up in my brain when i was ushaing facebook. (wasteful things i shouldnt do) but sometimes, bad things can be good for you. it helps you reflect.

we need to remove the fakeness, and search for the real one buried within it. and so, i need your help. we all need help. from others around us (family, friends, society) and from Him ultimately. to remind us over and over again. because at times, i still find myself buried deep in this fakeness. i dont wanna be a fake. pray for me. pray for us.

and here's a very straight-forward reminder from Him that summarizes all:

"dan kehidupan dunia ini, hanyalah permainan dan senda gurau.
Sedangkan negeri akhirat itu, sungguh lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa.
Tidakkah kamu mengerti?"



run akhi, run.

picture by: crirox on deviantart

i was thinking of writing something else for the day, but the news that i have been carefully dreading comes. We have lost a true fighter, akhi Mas Afzal.

just 2 days ago, i carefully peeked his facebook. scared of some words that we are all expecting of, not just for him, but for us too. remembered whenever he didn't write for a few weeks or so, it scared me. abah asked quite a few times about him everytime he called. funny how it seems like akhi is a long-lost family friend or something. as if he's part of the family.

but he is. a part of our big family. a part of Islam.

the first time i read his blog was earlier this year. i wrote it down in an entry once. he had touched my heart, and i believe, so many more others out there. despite not knowing him at all on a personal level, it was enough to know him as a fighter; a fighter for his life, and most importantly, a fighter for Islam; through his writings.

some would say, he had lost his fight with cancer. but i'd say he had won it. by going through it with the best possible ways. one of it would definitely be his blog. subhanallah. a huge coincidence, he started writing the blog on 17.12.2008, and he went back exactly 2 years later, 17.12.2010.

two years filled with inspirations. weird how easily the stream of tears come for a person who i haven't met or talked to even once in my life. but the tears are the proof, for how much he had touched the heart. insyaAllah.

takziah untuk family & sahabat-sahabat akhi. everytime i repeat this words, my heart aches. quoted from saifulislam.

"berlarilah akhi Mas, ke Temanmu yang Maha Tinggi'

insyaAllah. he is running towards Him. insyaAllah. im praying very much that he is, and he will be at his rightful place. insyaAllah. the place Allah had Promised and Reminded us of over and over again.

InsyaAllah. InsyaAllah. InsyaAllah.

akhi Mas Afzal did everything he could during his Time. and it has ended. thus, he went back to Him with so many prayers from so many people out there.

w hat about us..? 
what about us..?
what about us..?




sujud syukur. decided to do that today. just got back from another exam. so i thought i should convey it. despite knowing ever so clearly that i won't be getting a 100 marks or anything, i was still able to answer the paper kan. *well, at least i think i did*

but a question popped in my head. nak buat sujud syukur sebab tu je? what about the fact that i got to the exam on time, eventhough the actual bus that we waited for didn't come at all? am i not thankful for that? 

what about in the exam? i was able to hold to the pencil, i don't even have to think much about doing it, all i focused on was just answering the questions. but for some, even holding a pencil is a problem itself. let alone the exam.

and how about when i got back? instead of having to walk, i was able to get a bus instead. and happily chatted all the way back.

and as i got back, i managed to ate all the yummy food. it's always there on the table. lapar sikit, there's a whole bunch of food awaiting. TESCO pun depan rumah je. and there's no need to que this long.

what about the sight? the taste? the ability to breath? am i not thankful for these? that i only decided to perform sujud syukur, just because of one endocrine paper? astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.

i guess this is what they call nikmat yang tak terhingga dari Dia. tak terhingga, to the extent you even forget about them. tak terhingga, that even if someone said we should be thankful for the air we breathe, we scoffed it off, saying "alim nye.relax-relax sudey.."

and alhamdulillah coincidently, when this was still bugging me; i read the Quran, and somehow decided to read the translation of a verse ( i was intrigued to stop mid-way in my recital, because the verse mentioned 'Hud hud' which was a name of a sister's house in Leeds), but i mistakenly ended up reading the verse before it:

"... Dan dia (Nabi Sulaiman) berdoa "Ya Tuhan-ku, anugerahkanlah aku ilham untuk tetap mensyukuri nikmat-Mu, yang telah Engkau Anugerahkan kepadaku dan kepada kedua orang tuaku dan agar aku mengerjakan kebajikan yang Engkau Redhai; dan masukkanlah aku dengan Rahmat-Mu ke dalam golongan hamba-hambaMu yang soleh."


this verse made me realize how weak we humans are. even to be thankful TO Him, we need the ilham a.k.a strength FROM Him. Nabi Sulaiman himself prayed for it. but us? too cocky to even think about all the nikmat. too cocky to even pray that He makes us one of those who are thankful all the time.

im writing all these, because im scared. that in a minute or two, this feeling will just pass me by. i might not appreciate the air that i'm breathing, as much as i am now. despite still knowing that 30 seconds without it already leave me all helpless, hopeless, and out of breath. 

for now. syukur is what i feel.
at least He Gave me a chance to think about this.
and i hope everybody will get the chance too. 



as we are all striving to study for exams (note: specifically those in UCD, TCD and Galway) or doing anything that we are doing for that matter, how about we strive harder for our amal too shall we?

im pretty sure eeeevryone (note the pronounciation) knows how special Muharram is. and im veeeery sure that everyone is making the best out of this special month that Allah gave us; be it puasa, be it extra Quran recitals, be it more solat sunat. anything that we can think of. and so i thought of putting up a very cute picture of a too-adorable-looking-hungry-bunny with a quick reminder of the 2 super duper special days this month :)

i'm quoting all these from a book. insyaAllah no wrong infos there. but if there are, then do let me know. =,='

Hari Tasu'a' (9 Muharram)
Hari Asyura (10 Muharram)

"Jika aku masih hidup sehingga tahun depan, 
aku akan berpuasa pada hari ke-9 (Muharram)
[riwayat Muslim dari Ibnu Abbas]

ketika ditanya Abu Qatadah mengenai puasa hari Asyura,
Rasulullah SAW menjawab;

""Akan digantikan kejahatan-kejahatan pada tahun sebelumnya,
dengan kebaikan (kerana amalan puasa itu)"
[riwayat Muslim dari Abu Qatadah]

-quoting from the book too, disunatkan untuk solat sunat 4 rakaat on Hari Asyura-

well, praying that our focus on exams doesn't deter us from focusing on our iman & amal. so people; 

YOSH  kite puasa!

i blame the hormones..?

image by: katandpaste

i think this is the right kind of doa.
leave it to Him,
to give us the right person, 
at the right time, 
with the best reason.
cuz He Knows better,
and we just dont know that much. 

ps: dedication to a friend out there. don't be sad. have your hopes high in Him instead. :)



i still think it's funny (tade kelakar gelak) that pergantungan terhadap Allah increased tremendously when we are in desperate circumstances. the one closest to us all is none other than; exams. the fact is, the feeling of being desperate should come on a second-by-second basis. in other words, constantly and continously. 

we should be more desperate for Him to be by our side, and Forgive us, because of all the sins we have committed, those that we are aware of, and more scarily, those  that we are not aware of. we should be desperately asking Him for His Blessings, because we are scared of not knowing when our Time will come. and if it comes, will we end it with iman filled in our hearts? or sins that can never be undone?


but we are more scared and desperate, when we want things here, for Dunya. we desperately raise our hands and pray, because we are scared of the exams. because we are scared of not finishing our assignments on time. we are scared of missing our flights for vacations. no, it's not wrong to have those scary feelings in those circumstances. it's just that, i kept thinking of how good it would be, to have the same feeling, for the right things.

being desperate to have Him by our side, because we are scared for the sins we commit. scared of our own keikhlasan. scared of being riak, ujub, takabbur. scared of not performing our prayers correctly eventhough umur dah 21. scared of not fulfilling our amanah. scared of not fulfilling our responsibilities. 

nevertheless, exams are one of the times that i think is a form of a gift from Allah. it's a chance for us to be closer to Him. cuz the feelings we have before and during exams, are so desperate and full of uncertainty, that we end up asking for Him constantly. you know during exams, you'll get all sorts of hadiths and verses from the Quran, from your friends, it just shows that we all go back to our fitrah kan? when we are in dire need, and everything we do seems hopeless (the studying what-not). and Every single one of us, will end up saying: 

Ya Allah, i need You. more than ever.

tapi Allah yang sangat best ni, already have His Answers written almost everywhere. and this is one of the oh-sooo-many of His Answers that i like to listen to and read over and over and over over over over again..hehe

“Dan Apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu (Muhammad) tentang Aku, maka katakanlah sesungguhnya Aku dekat. Aku mengabulkan doa orang yang memohon apabila ia memohon kepadaKu. Maka hendaklah mereka memenuhi (panggilan/perintah)Ku, dan beriman kepadaKu agar mereka mendapat petunjuk (bimbingan)”.  
[2: 186]
how lucky we are.
ya Rabb

lots of love,
your hamba yang selalu hampeh. 


snow white

not me, definitely. hehe :)

this year it was snowing like crazy.
rasa sangat happy.
despite trying hard to not be 'losers' kononnya,
but still end up playing like crazy.hehe

the first few days of snow, it felt like i was in a movie.
you know, the hot cup of coffee (yes.im a junkie) in your hand, 
staring out the window,
watching the snow falls. *subhanallah cantik*

i enjoyed the days to the fullest.
took pictures around UCD.
had snowball fights with the irish.
buat snowman with pika despite having exams the next day.

a good snowy-period.
not that it has ended.
the ground is still white.
current temperature: -3. haih.
but cant enjoy as much, finals is in 3 days.
*pray for me.huhu*

to kakak specifically,
and anyone who willingly dropped by here..huhu
here are some pictures of snow 2010.

not to forget,
Allah turunkan snow yang putih, bersih, cantik.
let us pray that our hearts pun putih, bersih, cantik. kan kan?
it's not easy.
but the effort counts.
cuz He is always Watching.


obviously i miss them

*pictures at airport. before balik dublin for my 2nd year
mase ni demam panas moksya T,T.wuwu..*

sat by the window again today. and watch the snow falling. wishing that everybody is here with me. and we'll be enjoying the view together. and remind ourselves of how beautiful Allah's creations are. :)

just got off the phone with abah mama. Thursday night, so sekarang kat rumah che. weekly tahlil at Pasir Mas. Aunty buat nasi kerabu. nyom2. 

aiyooh..i miss them
i miss my huggable and lovable Abah.
i miss my perfect motherly Mama.
i miss my Kakak who always pushed me.
i miss my protective Abe.
and i miss my innocent baby Lin.

family is one of the best nikmat Allah gave me. alhamdulillah is all i can say if i remind myself about this. i know that not everybody feels like they have a perfect family back home. but it's not a reason for you to not be thankful. for He has given a whole lot more that we always take for granted. 

but for those who does think so, do your best to devote yourself to Him. prove to Him that you really are thankful for this gift. kalau happy for having a perfect family, and still ends up clubbing what not. it's as if you're challenging Him. nak Allah ambik balik terus ke nikmat tu? huhu..nauzubillah.

praying that Allah is willing to let me borrow this nikmat a whole lot longer.
and praying that Allah will let me meet them all again in Jannah.
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