random thoughts

terfikir tadi. how do we know if we're doing the wrong things?

im not saying about dosa pahala here. just benda betul. benda salah. sometimes the wrong things you do just don't affect others, and you couldn't care less if it affects you or not, thus comes the typical conclusion we make when we want to disregard our own conscience: "tak berdosa pun."

some said, if you cant say bismillah with what you're doing, then it's not right.  

but, some people may take the simple way out, saying "even doing the right things pun tak sebut bismillah, how can you say bismillah when you're doing the not-quite-right things?" entahla. 

i questioned myself. how DO i actually know? sometimes, i just call abah mama. would i tell them if im doing the wrong things? mesti tak. malu kan? 

*sigh* ni belum lagi dengan Allah. The One who sees everything we do, and knows everything we think of.

friends, it's time to take His Words seriously. if life is just about planning for your summer holidays, buying new clothes, studying and scoring for exams, tweeting and skyping, shopping at Tesco etc. Do we think praying 5 times per day, the occasional Quran recital, the few religious articles or videos we watch will help us in this race against time?

"bergantung kepada niat masing-masing." niat apa?

"saya tak cukup ilmu." then go find it.

"saya tak cukup masa." then stop watching the dramas.

"saya tak cukup baik." then does sitting in your room helps?

"hidup saya, suka hati saya." im just reminding myself, and anyone who wants to be reminded.

nak tunggu ujian besar from Allah ke baru nak ingat Dia? nauzubillah.

and yet, while i'm writing all this down, i may still end up being the one who forgets so easily. and i can only hope and pray over and over again..

ya Allah, please don't leave me. 
im scared of not being with You. :'(


i was in the midst of studying, when suddenly i remembered my dream last night. He came. wallahua'lam. i'm not sure if it's him or just the other creation. but we were at home. he was in the living room. and i was looking for euro coins to give him. he liked those kinds of things. so i found 2 coins and gave them to him. he seemed very happy. i cant remember clearly how he looks, it was just him sitting down on a chair. 

it has been so long since i last dreamt of him. i viewed my blog. read the entry i made the day after he left us. sadly i didn't even remember the part about the wallet. cried all out this morning. astaghfirullah. i just miss him. that's all. and it's better to let things out. and reflect back where exactly am i heading to as well.

praying for friends and anybody out there, 
who are way stronger than me, to stay strong. 
ujian didatangkan untuk menguatkan iman.
Allah loves all of you. 

praying for those who had gone back to Him, 
semoga diletakkan dalam kalangan 
orang-orang yang Allah sayangi. insyaAllah.

praying for myself, 
to be on the right path. 
not once in a while, 
but every second of the day. insyaAllah. 

Al-Fatihah. :')  


my snowy saturday morning :)

just thought of uploading some pictures of life. (",)

for anyone who cares. my kakak specifically.. :)

done with subuh prayers. opened the window. fresh cold air. greeting snow.

make bed. adoring my new duvet cover. cheap. courtesy of ebay. :)
(line lipatan pun nampak lagi)

went to kitchen. greeted with a nice snowy backyard. 

decided to prepare some breakfast for the house.
nak masak ape?

found target: the almost-expired bread.
have to use. membazir tak baik.

breakfast in the making. *simple je. bukan nasi lemak*

munching some fruits sambil-sambil.
decided to live healthy. makan buah before meals.
sunnah nabi :)

jejeng. french toasts done.
haih.. missing home. abah loves making this. :)
*adoi. rindu abah mama*

have a good saturday everyone!


"Dan sungguh, kelak Tuhan-Mu pasti Memberikan karunia-Nya kepadamu, sehingga engkau menjadi puas."
[93: 5]

this ayat finally caught my attention last night during our little meet-up. and listening to a friend's thought, leads me to mengangguk-angguk perlahan. :) she said: "manusia atas dunia ni memang takkan pernah rasa puas."

somehow that simple sentence made me thought deep. i used to talk to friends about the non-believers having unfulfilled lives. for they are wanting so many things to keep themselves busy, which ends with them either not getting any closer to the things they want, or even if they got them, they ended up wanting more. thus, it seems like an endless tiring journey for them. i have always said that not knowing the real purpose of life, leads to a senseless one. you dont know what you actually want. and you just grab whatever it is that's in front of you. anything. nak kawen. nak study overseas. nak baju baru. nak travel venice. nak pegi concert. nak masters. nak dapat phD. all without proper reasons. it's just human beings; wanting. 

and we were deceived by the word; goals. short-term goals, and long-term goals. the latter being one that is said to be more 'purposeful' for us, right? we were fooled that having these goals will fulfill one's life. will make us happy. note: i'm not saying that we cant have goals or anything. if not, than why am i even here in dublin studying medicine?? 

my point is, i think that all the goals that we have, be it short-term or long-term, are nothing, if we don't have this one ultimate purpose. there's only one ultimate, right, chosen, special whatever it is you want to describe it- purpose. which is:

to meet our Creator
to live There, for eternity

and there's only two types of places we can choose from. and our actions here will decide which we'll end up in. astaghfirullah. nobody can be sure where they'll end up in. (except for those yang Allah da janji. jealous. tapi your amalan entah kat mane yan. T,T) but i pray that at least i'll die while trying my best. kan?

and at the end, human beings can finally feel puas. here in this world, there's no such thing as puas. because only Allah can give that feeling to us, and it's not here, but only in the HereAfter. Allah stated it clearly in the Quran.


ps: nak tulis dlm ni jgk. arini snow. but accompanied by occasional lightnings and thunders. which left me scared since lastnight. felt like Bumi is really really old now. felt Akhirat is totally closing in on us.


si dia

saw some updates in facebook. i think i have been with people around me that says No to this, that i actually forget about the majority of people who are still very much loving every single moment of couple-hood. all those mushy, lovey dovey stuff that never fails to make the guys smiling randomly, and the girls all flattered, giggly and happy. 

it's a whole different world aint it? getting to know one another, taking pictures, supporting one another in studies and stuff, sharing your food together, occasionally looking at your phones just to peek at her/his picture, wearing matching clothes to a friend's house, tweeting how much you love one another for the whole world to acknowledge, teasing each other cutely, followed by pujuk-memujuk, and ending with "i love you too." aw.. so sweet :)

true. i'm a normal typical girl. who smiles and giggles at these kind of mushy stuff. and i cant wait to do all the mushy stuff too. BUT. only when the right time comes. when is it? definitely not now. and not when he says he'll marry me and give me an engagement ring and stuff. no. it's right when this special one guy says:

 "aku terima nikahnya..."

that's when i'll make sure ill be doing all the stuff that everybody else is doing. for all i know, at that particular time, Allah says ok to all the sweet things done. kan?

thought of a very poyo statement the other day, but i think it summarizes all:

if you want to have me, 
you need to go through Him first, 
err..and my abah too.

the end of izyan's occasional ramblings.
ps: i may have talked about this a few times before in this blog. hehe.. :)


zero to hero

one time, someone said to me, that being in this road, you will find unexpected things. things that challenge you.and you do things that you dont normally do. or you will do things that you would normally say no to. 

my first 'sort-of' official task happened during summer. and despite doing things that, well, have done before a few times back in the highschool days, you know, all the talking or even emceeing. but this is totally different. doing things for reasons that you are totally clear of; and it was a whole lot nerve-wrecking. all things comes to mind. things like ikhlas; which to be frank is the part that im most scared of. but still, questioning your sincerity doesn't get you anywhere, the job still needs to be done.

and yet, as nerve-wrecking and worrisome as it is, it always ends up with a good feeling. when you make others around you happy; or when you see others giving you words of encouragement; or best of all, prayers for you. you cant help but be thankful that Allah Planned all these, and He Mercifully decided to include you in it. what more can you say than.. alhamdulillah.

but at the end of the day, challenged or not, worried or not, nerve-wrecking or not, we are all hoping that we're doing things for Him, insyaAllah. because we all are just ordinary beings, who wants to be Loved by The Creator. kan? 

hoping that He is Smiling as He Watches us. ameen.

ps : promote zero to hero in Dublin. do check this link out eit? come one, come all!!

z2h dublin 2010 (official) from missizyan on Vimeo.

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